Note: I spell like a valley girl
In A Valley Of Violence
This is my review on In A Valley Of Violence from the distant future year of 2016(the year o MazinSaga on Sega Genesis)
Its directed by Ti West who did nothing I saw
It stars openly beta Ethan Hawk from 1998 Great Expectations/2000 Hamlet/Training Day/2005 Assault on Precinct 13/2012 Total Recall/2016 The Magnificent Seven/Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets/Robot Chicken, John Travolta from 1976 Carrie/Saturday Night Fever/Grease/Look Who's Talking/Pulp Fiction/Face/Off/The Thin Red Line/The General's Daughter/Battlefield Earth/Austin Powers in Goldmember/2009 The Taking of Pelham 123/The Boy in the Plastic Bubble/The People v. O. J. Simpson: American Crime Story, Openly ukranian Taissa Farmiga from
Justice League vs. Teen Titans/Teen Titans: The Judas Contract/2019 The Twilight Zone, James Ransone James Ransone from Law & Order, Karen Gillan from Oculus/Guardians of the Galaxy/Robot Chicken, Burn Gorman from The Dark Knight Rises/Pacific Rim/Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day/Pacific Rim Uprising/Turn: Washington's Spies, Toby Huss from 1999 The Mod Squad/2018 Halloween/Beavis and Butt-Head/Seinfeld/King of the Hill/The Angry Beavers/Home Movies/Harvey Birdman, Attorney at Law/The Office/The Goode Family/The Cleveland Show/Key & Peele/Law & Order: Special Victims Unit, Larry Fessenden from 2000 Hamlet/Law & Order: Criminal Intent, and some guys not on back door, aids bag, beta mal, soy boy, frooty booty, gender offender, cany a55, soom bottom, Creator hate, banana crammer, queer as a deer wit a steer in its rear, hippie toner vegan peta tree kung u base on plants wipeda
ater logos w see a wasteland an a guy waving to a masked guy top come over
mask hero cow boy oh its hawkwreays his gun and the waver has a horse who needs to die like THEY do ut he ont wanna ice it a he nees to get to this sin town to spread the good word
aving guy i think a priest pulls a gun to carjack hawkes horse so haw whisyles ad his dog mauls the wavers arm and hawke sez he'd spare him or his bullets and water but not steal em as hes a killer not a thief
waver agrees and he dumps booze on the arm bite s waver swears at him an hawke sez hes going to soviet Mexico and wit rst the muel a55 horse will go up the hill
then title and creits
so he gives the og the last o is water and goes on o a town where he tells dog to bark i anythins up like animals udnerstan human
he goes to a saloon asking for a man called dollar bill like dollar bill Montgomery from real =========in talk on mad tv
he asks eyepatch bartener for a bowl of water for his dawg as a guy tries to sell guns
a cocky guy takes the new un an shows of asking if hes seen anyone that good with a gun and hawke kenshiroishly sez "be careful who you aim at"
cocky guy sez he dont got 30$ but they call this place valley of violence and gun seller books it wth cocky guy having the gun
cocy guy rags on hawke sayin he smells like a bum and has a scar til cocky guy grabs hawke and he sez "u talk too much" p-ssed offedly
cocky guy gets up and makes a scene to say he's gonna f hawke up
1 eyed bar keep sez this shot is on me if you gtfo
cocy guy sez no guns, its a fair fight but hawke dont come out so he sez "5$ to the winner"
when cocky guy goes after hawkes dog hawke come out an slugs him out with 1 punch
some guys aim at him but say its a fair fight and let him go
haewke goes to et cr-p from a store but the shopkeep is afraid of him so he on charge
hawke dont wanna not pay so he sez cocky guy owe him 5$ so get it from him and gets some cr-p
he's leavin as cocky guys coming to so he goes to a hotel where a chick comes own saying her sister otta be manning tings
he wants a bath and chick loves is dog/see haekes hand is bleeding an he sez it an accident as she tends it
shes amazed he punched cocky guy and loves it thenhawkes in a bath tub with dog in a bucket and she sez she saw it b4 ut isn't a wh=re as she owns a hotel and sees naked men often
dont get b0ned by em
she asks if hes a cowboy or gunfigher but he sez hes a passer through an she se her husband didnt stay
sister comes in b==chily over chick mary anne like giligans island serving hawke and acts b--chy over her having cocky guy and getting better dresses
chic tells off sister who runs out whining like a glass cannon who cant takke criticism
hawkes gonna leave but Travolta the marshall comes by with his wooden leg and sez cocky guy was his son/deputy and he dont want issues with it getting worse with more fights cuz the town s=cked like its the soviet califoria
Travolta sez he could arrest him but sees he's army from his horse/gun but they are solving Indian in kansas/okalmohamea which is far off
hawkes gonna go but Travolta sez wait, goes on a monologue then sez get out of town and dont come back or they wont find you
ohhh he's gonna eat him
so Travolta sez its a fare fight so tell son cocky guy not to get his irish up over it bbut his nose will heal like a crooked boot
so he goes out and at night is by a fire as the dog ret-trdedly spiles at him
he sees his chance and begins letting the dog b0ne his a55
jk really be sez its better in Mexico as no one understands you
then goes on about mary anne and how shes nice but young enuff to be his daughter
At night his dog hears things and gets shot but its cocky guy and his crew who gets him at gunpoint and hold him down
they behin sticking a rifle up his a55 and say "tell us the truth!!"
jk really he sez the dog is a chyenne dog an how they iced Humans and he don't no how much of w/e he wants to know
he begs for his dog as cocky guy sez hawke left his men behind and its time he learns wat its like to not save someone or something
he shanks the dog as hawke screams and they hold him as cocky guy pulls a knife
he cuts up the hawkes parts offscreen as he screams an cocky guy says "i leaned this from apache"
jk but apache did do that
so they thow him of a cliff an this is turning into john wicke
they we see a flashback to him as a union soldier fighing the red man in the dark an finding human bodies
he wakes up in the day an climbs up the rocky cliff to in a bird eating his dog/lover
he chases the bird away and feels for it
then cremates it and tattoos it into his arm
nah thats littlekuriboh
oh dog, you wre the only one i ever loved! and now ur dead! I'll make sure we'll always be together!(eats him)
nah thats violence jack
he tells dog he promise dog he was done killin but now is gonna go Rambo
thedog has a grave and a letter A like the scarlet letter or the do name abby
he comes across the waver guy and alleged priest who fires on him but misses as he walks up ada55edly like sengoku in cyber city oedo 808 as he faces the computer guy similating it the c=ck sucker
he slugs him out/takes his gun/muel as things have changed an he's gonna take on the sin city but not save em
hes sending em to h e double soviet Australia
he goes to mary annes field house and she wants to help ice em for icing a dog and wants to go with him out of this cesspoole
he sez im not here to save u/other people out of this town are f'd 2
he had a wife an daughter the same name as the dog wo got iced i think and he don't wanna deal with it
he sez hes got good/she is and needs a good man but she sez just cuz hes f'd don't mean she gotta pay or it and his fam miht wanna see him again
so he takes maryu annes horse and goes to town to find siter talking with guys who stink like gaijin
hes gonna ice em but pulls off when mry ann comes by
may anne whines about cr-p to sister and goes to add hot water to a guy who was with cocky guy taking out hawke
he sez shes 16 and pretty but her husband isn't cmming bac so he wants her
she trys to razor him but bath guy catches it and she leaves
hawke meets mryu anne out the room an gets the razor then goes in with bath guy and a cloth on his face
he gets him in a headlock with the blade on him an talks a bit then cuts his throat ofscreen
siter comorts a shoock up maru anne then sees hawle leave and finds the body in the tub
imagine if he skinned him and went out in it to get close to em?
also this is on Grit an has Tony Hawk suppliment adds so ethan hawk vs Tony Hawk, a Hawk off!
hawke leaves with blood on his hands literally and Travolta/the guysfind the body
Travolta b--ches at son for going after him and making things worse but son sez "it'll make us look weak
Travolta sez this guys an elite agent trained killer and beats on his son for being an f up
this devolved into a steven segal movie but not cr-p
trvolta sez theres no tiume to berry iso leave him in the tub to get gross an they get guns
Travolta sez to 1 guy 1 o u is gonna get shot so tis uy otta go as Travolta took 1 bullet and as a better chance wit a shotgun
sister chatters on as cocky guy sez stfu i need to think and when he gets whiny he tells her off
mary anne sez they iced his dog and sister has a thicc a55 but it might be fake
cocly guy sez he didnt tell her than and interrogates her at gunpoint if she's helping him
she sez no/he didn't want me/i would've and spit on him
he throws her down and stomps her then sez he needs those bullets for kevin coster or w/e
you could beat em dead, works for guys in prison
or b0ne em dead, works for gaijin
hawke gets a sniper at gunpoint its toby huss an sez shoot them or i do you
he sez he didn't wanna wrong hawke like I Spit On Your Grave
Travolta sens a guy out but tobey fires and guy falls as Travolta get his scared a55 out an to cover
tobey sez he can't shoot him an hawkesez he's got a daughter he wants to see again but we latr hear a gunhsot
Travolta sez he's on the roof so divide and conquer and sends fat guy who ell but hawe fires on Travolta
they talk saying he dont wanna ice marchal but marhall cant let him ice his candy a55 son
siter called ellen sez cocy guy was meant to guard em but he's sick of her and hes going out to prove he can do it cuz hes guarding em cuz a thinks he s=-cked
ellen sister sez shes pregnant from b0ning him b4 marriage and he's too p-ssed to give a sh-t an leaves em
fat guy sees toby's bdy w/o a face and is by the window which Travolta sez not to
fat guy has enuf of being called tubby and don't wanna put up with this sh-t an wants to be called Lawrence
Travolta sez "get away from the window" and tubby gets flushed to h-ll with a backshot
hawke sez i got to issue with u but come out unarmed and i won't shoot
after talk, tracolting comes out but not like south park as cocky son is confused
Travolta surreners and asks for mercy as it wont bring the dog bac
hawke sez he has no choice afttr son capped his dawg
soncomes out with 2 guns as travolta sez don't shoot and hawke quotes son when he iced his dog
they both fire and marshall gets filled with bullets by both then son asks "dad?" as Travolta goes to h-ll the final friday
son sez "he did it" and hawke got hit but escapes to a barn with his horse
cocky sonner goes to the barn saying "I now ur in here" as i guess he sensed his ki
a rope gets cocy sons neck and hawke jumps to string him up then hes on the ground an hawke beats on him "why'd u kill my dog?!"
they pull off as both panting sons gonna shank him but maru anne shoots him in the back sayin "I told u i could help u"
then son blows her head off and hawke stomps his head in a splatter
jk really priest waving guy comes by as siter finds her baby dads iced an maru anne gets hawke inside to tend to his wounds
the end
that was pretty good
nice acting and story
good filming on film so it looks good not digital
nice comedic elements and darkness
its sorta like The Crow where he avenges
and Unforgiven of a once dark man going back to the darkness
didn't expect it to go that way but it di it well
the hint of the mary anne hating cocy guy then being the one to end him was good foreshadowing
Travolta getting shredded was fun
i liked it
plus the dog got it, pretty bada55
For In A Valley Of Violence 2 I want him to be bitter from having to ice those guys and the chick opens his heart again to heal his damage. Also its an 8 bit game o NES, GB Master System, Game Gear, TG16, Atari Jaguar an I mean 7800 and Lynx=x where its like a mii game thing of helping him and doing mini games to heal his body and soul