Saturday, April 23, 2022

The Return Of Chandu Review

 Note: I spell like itsd the 30sd

The Return of Chandu

Rhis isa my reviwew on The Return of Chandu from 1934 (50 years before Transformers G1 and and 110 years before the 3rd Robotech War)

Its the movie version of a 12 part film serial thats based on a radio serial, but this covers the 1st arc, Sorta like the Fist of the North Star movie

Its direcyal by Ray Taylor who did nothink I know of and stars Belass Lugosi from Plan 9 From Outer Space, Lucien Prival from The Racket, Bride of Frankenstein and The Great Dictator, Murdock MacQuarrie from Bride Of FRanklenstein, The 30s Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, Wilfred Lucas from Intolerance, Flesh and Blood, Santa Fe Trail, Mary O f Scotland and The Deviol Doll, Josef Swickard from The 20s The King Of Kings, Wizard of Oz and Dante's Inferno and The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse, and some 1800s dudes i never heard of homie yo wigg;le wiggle blickewtee black

I never saw this b4 but I like movies based on shows

so aftewr credits and title, we get a trsain 0or plANE STATIUONA D FRANK CHANDLER FROM FREIENDS IS COMIGN FROM THE COUNTRY THE OTHER YUGI CAME from with its princess

the princess seesm more mexican but its the 30s and anythiong non america is the same

chandler is delayed and somepeople get toghetehr and have a dance but the pirnces sis worried abouit being in sovietyy california, as i guess she knew it would devolve into mad max 1984

princess comforts i mean is comforted by this lady and later soem guys claiming to be chandlers hgomies come by and princess senses them being dangrous

also this is in b/w and is in proper fullscreen so no black bars weating half the image to fake looking cool

a beardo ASKS a guy where something si and later these guys say the princess was almost kidnapped and something about chandu the magician, which was rthe last movies title

lady tell the guys to go as the princess sences something and they get ready 

beardo has a guy take an item and then we see a plane comming in and guys comming in da station

the guys and their chicks look through name cards and fiund something and bela lugosi is on da pjhone and princess tells him to come and he sez he will

bela rubs his magic ring and i think vanishes or something, i dont know, i looked away, and 2 ghuys look in an empty phoine booth and the light is on

so princxess talks with people about some cr-p i can hardly hear and go to the main hall and have a toast by beardo

but then bela comes in and hes chandu and beardo flees with his homie

bela notices something with the guy brardo talked to and he tells him to meet him in the library later

bela tells princess that the reason people try to kidnap her is cuz of lemuria the lost continent

the lemurians wanna sacrifice the princess to bring back their thing and i think this is where nadia the secret of blue water got it from b4 disney ripped it off to make that atlantis movie

and according to wikipedia, chandu took a poiisn gl;ass of wine out of her hand b4 she drank it but i wasnt looking

bela grills the guy in the library and i think hes hhypnotizes and as her talks, this skiper uses a blow dart to j fk him

chandoo dodges the other darts and calls in the princess like a dumba55 when a smniper is just outside

he sez she escaped being iced and sez theres a meeting place of bad guys in soviet los angelas, which explains why they go there; cuz its f--kin evil!

in some lair, this turban guy puts on a cape and has a daemon ritual before a graven idol to forsee the future, and he sees chanfu

later chandoo talks to the muesum about sendign a mummy and then talks to princess about how the cops dont believe in magic

so then they go off and therse delivery men drive a vehicle by the museum but there are guys in the car hindign behiund the seat like thgat urban legend

later a gardener gives princess a flower when shes in a chair on the porch

Later Chandoo gets a boat hired for later and drives back but back in the place the princess is, shes somehow knocked out, i wasnt looking, and a guy tried to carry her off

if she was fat then he coudlnt, like that ps3 game, fat princess

so he hides in the closet and after these friends go in and out, he comes out and oh wiat, its the gardneer whos doing this

so he has her hid in a trunk and the delivery guys from the museum put her trunk inb and carry hewr off

so bela comes back and evenbtually they find shes gone and goes after where he somehow knows they are going in a car as he is that good like batman or w/e

so the delivery guys rbing the thing shes iin, a huge carco[phagus, which is probably made of stone and should weigh too much for 2 guys to carry

although 1800s people were tougher

teddy roosevelt walked off a bullet hole butn j fk wentg to h e double ireland from it

so bela stops and rubs his rin and has a skype call with hsi sensei or w/e who tells him toi have faith when he asks tom find her

he tells his younger male companion like robin or jimmy olson that its black magic whos strong that hes fighting

they drive on, wait, they were parked in a winding road in claiforna?! I played Road Rash! Tahts asking for a body count!

so they stop at a house an dbela goes in and looks around and in another place, the bad guy sez he can wake her up when he wants and will take her to the harbor

bela rubs his ring and by that i dont mean he's j-rkin off, and i thin he turns invisible and goes in this closet to the ritual room in the basement where d&d nerds do secks rituals to summon their characvters

he moves sh-t around and turns visible and the goons look at him

then he brings the princess upas hes strong enough to carry a full human on his own power, and drives off with her

turbano comes in and sees his men spazzing out and he finds the chan doo got the girl

So klandu tries his magics on her to wake her up and then we see some shiphands moving items in sneakyness

hsi magic isnt waking her up but as they say; when god gives you lemopns, you find a new god!

this creeper on board hides in a closet ad chandoo tells the frienbds that the black magfic is too strong and he needs tpo do some new cr-p

cvhandu talsk to da captain and the friends see a light moving at night

its the invid! call the zentraedi!

so beardo sneaks in the room and waint, he catches a guy sneaking and drags him out b4 a really cre-ppy punch on the floor

then ties him up and goes back to princesses room and this sleeping princes thing is like that zelda game

it cuts away so i assume he b0ned her and he waves a flashlight on the window and this small boat comes by

i think beardo is the main bad guy but no turban and tells her an order and uses magics to wak her up under his control

he carrys her out and the tied up guy egts uop and out of his bindings and alearts the ship

so beardo has the princess at knifepoint on the deck and chandoo uses his mind control to make her drop the knife, i mean him

they use the lights on his eyes like in his other 30s films

princess walks towards chanfoo and beardo falls in the water but is caught by his men in the boat who drive away

so the boat has some damage and the lady who assists the princess finds a body

so then they are in some foreign place and princess gets a note from chandu to meet her somewhere and she goes but in the car senses danger

chandoo coems back and finds she went out but he sez he never sent a note

1 scens has a native dance of some gaijin spazzing out with knifces in her hands or w/e

this decroded chick ses shes doing a death dance and princess and her friend are captive

oh and beardo is in the building and sez both chicks will be sacrificed

chan doo comes in this bar and sees the knife dance and writes somethingfor his little buddy to send

so then the bad guy beardo is gonna ritual sacrifcie the girls in this fire thin

chandu mind controls this cloak guy and comes down deiguised in his cloak

as they are gonna do her, he fight emn and theres a big chgaotic fight scene

bela fights the bad guy on a upper area and sometimes its stunt doubles and eventually, the beardo falls off and into the fire pit

so then bela and his princess is safe and she thinks her problems are over

then these guys holding big a55 king kong gates opn up and it sez trhe end

the end

that was good

nice solid 30s action

sorta what Batman TAS was based on

Good twists and trill

nice flow and style

its only like an hour long so they add like over 20 mins of adds on tv

i think its public domain and holds up pretty well

nice exotic adventure

for The Return Of Chandu 2 i want the ewicked goddess the guy worships to bring him back as a booked zombie and he goes on a rampage to get revenge on Chandu by tearing off chunks of pepple and adding their flesh to his own to make him stronger. Eventually he faces Chandu and Chandu has found Christianity and rebukes the evil and the evil cooked zombie flesh golem asplodes in a big meaty burst and he saves the girl. Also its an 8 bit gaME LIKE sPELLCASTER but on Matser System, Game Gear, Nes, Gmae Boy, TG16 and Atari 7800 and Lynx where you play as \the bad guy for most of the game getting flesh from people, but the last level is you as Chabndu ecafing his attacks and blastying Holy Wordsa at him

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