Thursday, January 5, 2017

Citizen Kane Review

note; I don't spell dat bad doo ai ho mee?
citizen kane
this is my review on citizen kane
I saw it in college in a film class
I liked it
I hear its inspired by actual events
some 20s guy who was b0ning some actress
more real than the texas chainsaw massacre remake
why isn't THIS on the history channel?
10 000 BC is ok but not this?
this film was by orson welles and he did it his way w/o letting the studio f it up
that being said, batman was better than batman returns(and returns had more creative control by the director)
I loved him as unicron in transformers the movie
ooh, its by RKO
THEy did good ones
ooh, its fullscreen
no black bars
also I should note that tiny toon adventures did a whole ep parodying this film
montana max was kane
after some good scenery at dracula's castle, I mean, massive kanes home, kane bites it and drops his snowglobe
he sez; rosebud as his last word
really good camera work
then we get a newsfeed like in Robocop or starship trooperstelling of kanes wife
kane made a florida place his private land like Michael jacksons Neverland ranch
good f he blew his dough on making this place a friggin video game
they keep comparing him to kubla khan
he was the greatest tycoon ever
he owned a lotta businesses
born 1868 he got a deed to a mine and began his fortune off it
also he b--ched a lot at those against him
ooh, the unions hated him
I dislike those commies
he was very polarizing
and a public figure
we get some silent film style clips
he ran but never made political office
man, a lot of this sounds like trump
except trump won!!!!
the great depression cost him a lot
in a radio show he sez he's always an American
wtf he turned into howard hughes
the newsfeed ends and the people watching it complain
it sez he lived 70 years
wouldn't that make this the 30s?
the reporters wana find out what ROSEBUD is
it never gives a full view of the reporters faces
they aint important
its kane who's the focus
they go to his ex wife for her to tell em a story of kane
she don't wanna talk
the reporter calls his boss and is gonna leave
the butler tells him the wife never heard of rosebud
later they go to some place with a manuscript about kane
ooh, good music
from the 100 years of film tcm thing
he grew up at a boarding house
his dad don't want to but his mom is sending him to some place as some money deal
at his 25th b day he gets a collected trust
really good camera work
his rets tel him and he goes mental
the dad wants to whip his a55 but the mom wants to protect him from it
after a time skip hes turning 25 and is gonna get the businesses
he only wants the paper
he turns it into a tabloid and prints cr-p that gets people riled up
his owner goes mental on him but kan sez hes fighting for the little guy
just like trump
kane lost 1million$ a year but if that happens every year, he'd have to close the place in 60 years
later he agrees to sign over his 85000 shares but he gets an allowance and his paper
kane sez if he wernt rich he'd have been a great man
not finding rosebud the reporter leaves
they suspect its a chick
they talk to some geezer about a chick he got a b0ner for in the 1800s
they talk about kane and his owners differences and the geezer tells about a guy who was kanes homie
kane and homie go 2 da newspaper and they meet the geezer as a young
kane wants to live in the office
he ants the paper to be active 24 hours
later as kane pigs out he talks about investigating a missing chick he thinks was iced
he wants to investigate and be loud and d-cky
the former paper owner hates it
he wants to make the paper as important to new York as the gas in a gaslight
he wants to give the truth and makes a declaration of his promises
we get a montage of him taking over a paper by swiping their talent
he has a big fun party celebrating his becoming the number 1 paper in new York
the dancer chicks (h00kers in the real version I assume) sing a song that was used in the simpsons about me burns
I assume they were b0ning in the real version
the homie worries about the swiped talent turning kane into one of them
later kane was in Europe and is sending back statues
I assume its statues of people b0ning in the Japanese version
when he gets back he has an announcement and don't want it treated different than others
but he leaves
oh the announcement is a newspaper thing of him getting married
the geezer sez out of flashbeck that that didn't last
he sez rosebud might be something he lost
he suggests speaking to the homie and that kane wanted to win the Spanish aperican war
at the homie's place he looks like a pedo and talks about kane
he sez kane only believed in kane
he went to dancing school with mrs kane 1 and tells about them
kane usually only was with breakfast with mrs kane 1
we get a montage of their marriage going down
kane sez people will think what he tells em to thing
perfect look at the media
they went full assault on trump and he still won
the homie tells of the 1st time kane met this chick
he's covered in mud and needs hot water
a good metaphor for cleansing his enfilthened soul
shes got a tooth ache and he goes up to her place and cheers her up
he wiggles his ears and does shadow puppets like lu kang's friendship in mortal kombat 3
he was gonna go to this warehouse with his moms cr-p in it
she wanted to be a singer and he listens t her piano and sing
then kane runs for governer and wants to fight corruption
just like with trump
oh and he has a kid
he promises to help the people and owns the media
so hes a bit like clintin
oh and he sez he's gonna arrange a committee to arrest the foe
trump again
the wife 1 sends his son in a car and goes with kane to a place to see the chick with the tooth
the opposing candidate forced the tooth woman to send a note
he's malcontent about how his evil was outed
hes gonna print a story about kane b0ning the tooth girl and would ruin them if kane don't withdraw
the wife 1 wants to surrender but kane wants to fight
kane tells off the rival and the wife 1 and rival leave
the story is printed
the good guys lose the election cuz of the bad media and croox
just like cnn wanted
and in Canada; cbc
the homie is drunk and sez kane talks about helping the working man but now they are going union and are gonna f it all up
the homie wants to go to Chicago to work on a paper
so kane marries the tooth girl as wife 2
he wants to make her an opera house
we get a dissonant montage of her struggles with opera
good camera work
it keeps going up
kane goes to see the review from his homie about his wife 2
the geezer sez they haven't spoken for years
he goes in and finds the homie blacked out drunk
his story on the wife 2 sez she s-cked
kane decides to do his own review on it
wait, how'd the homie know what happened if he was blacked out drunk?
when he wakes up kane fires him
he reveales he never finished his Xanadu ranch as he made it for her and she ditched him b4 it ended
the reporter goes to the chick wife 2 again and she tells him stuff
we get a scene f the wife 2 getting trained
she tries to be a singer but we get the scene of her struggling and from other views
we get a montage of her doing some opera
the people hate it
one audience member lols and kane gets disgruntled
he's gonna snap and waste everyone
at the end everyone but him applaudes
then he applaudes and its the gif from many sites
shes mad that his homie wrote a review bad about her
didn't kane write dat?
he sent a 25 000 $ check and the friend returns it with the declaration
he tears it up
what a character shift
she seems like a bimbo and wants to  stop but kane makes her continue
kane prints good sh-t about her
its like Disney paying reviewers not to gove good reviews to other super hero movies
later kane finds her in bed having taken some drug
kane sez its a mistake
I assume she tried to ice herself
why not seppuku?
works for samurai
in degrassi next gen this teen kills himself in a garden shed at school.
but it never says how.
i'd assume he either busted his head in on something, or jammed a gardening tool up his a55.
(shows him sticking a trowel in his a55 and groaning "nooooooooooooooooooooooooooo")
then she quits singing sez she didn't mean to suicide
later in the castle he talk to his wife 2 as she jigsaws
she hates living in this colossal dump
she wants to go to new York but he sez no
we get a montage of her putting together a puzzle and her gradually devroding relationship with kane
shes malcontent over him giving her things but not love
its like yuria and shin in hokuto no ken
she mouths off to him and he smacks her
I assume he b0ned her in the real version
then she ditches him
man, this castle is all f'd up
its almost as weird as a tim burton thing
kane sez things will be her at if she don't go
but she sez its him seeing this as something bad done to him
A F (after flashback) she sez she blew al her dough(I assume on drugs)
and its been 10 years
like in DBGT
later a reporter asks a shadowy gut about rosebud
I thin its his butler
hes Portuguese or Italian or something
he gives a flashback
holy f
we get a bird in front of the scene with see through eyes
how da f did day do dat?!
after his wife 2 left he throws stuff around and busts up the bedroom
oh f
its tommy wiseau!
in the room he did dat!
wow, all in 1 take
he finds a snowglobe and shakes it
he sez rosebud and cries
I notice the K key chain in coming out of his shirt b reversed
showing he only sees things that work to him
even if no one els sees it that way
the butler sez he saw he bit it in his bed and op the globe
they people are selling his cr-p
he never threw anything out
hes a hoarder!
they give up on figuring out rosebud
they suggest things and leave
wtf, all the boxes of cr=p is like in Indiana jones
they burn the cr-p that didn't sell and one thing is a sled that sez rosebud
was that the company that made the sled?
wouldn't someone figure that out somehow?
then a look outside his fortress
the end
then credits showing who the actors were and saying most are new
was is non union?
I hope so
ooh, Bernard Hermann did the music
grand work
I liked it
good character look at man and his issues
not over rated
and its really engrossing
for citizen kane 2 i'd like for it to be 100 years later after his birth in the distant future year of 1968 and a buncha teens go into his fortress he lived in in florida and they find a hidden chamber with ancient statues around it. it opens up and he is revived in a new body which is perfectly constructed out of ancient tech and magic. he leaves and goes to the top of his castle to recover fully and the teens have to make it through the traps and artificial life formes to try to stop him from taking over the world with his perfect body(but they get picked off one by one in this metroidvania game on snes and sega genesis and gba)

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