One-Eyed Jacks Review

note; I didn't see this b4. but I have sprellef bad b4

one-eyed javks

this is my review on one-eyed jacks

its starring and directed by that fat a55 p0rn0 purvurt marlon brando

its also got karl malden

its based on a book I never read

I never was impressed by brandoes acting

dan green in Yugioh was better

so after credits its in mexico  in the 80s

the 1880s

brando is eating a banada

I could make both a fat joke or a sodomy joke there

they rob a bank

he also almost takes a Mexican chicks ring

after booking it he goes off and has dinner with the chick

then smooches her w/o consent

but she fights him off

better than last tango in paris

then acts sorry about it

later hes in bed with some 5kank making out

some Mexicans come into this sallooon and cap a guy

wait, its not brando with da 5kank

he goes out da window and over a rof and escapes on a horse

meanwhile brando tries to give the chick his moms ring

they make out (with consent this time) and the guy in bed rides by

he tells brando to haul a55 and brando takes back his ring and books it

later they are being chased by Mexicans in da wastelands

as they ride 1 guys horse gets capped and they sniper the mexicos from a hill

in a 1 hour the mecinas will return

brando wants to go and get a new horse in a near town

brando rigs a game of chance to let his homie go

5 years later 2 caveman looking are running around in rags and with beards

its like planet of the apes 1

and brando wants revenge on someone

later brando goes to see da homie and homie is doing well

he explains when he got there the mexcanis there didn't speak English

and had no horses

and when he got back brando was caught

so he went to montery and cleaned up and became sherrif

brando sez he stole a horse and got away and drank

brando is invited to dinner and meets his fam

at dinner they pray and talk about the past

he sez hes done being a robber

later breando sez with his gang hes gonna jack a bank and oice some guy

later brando buys a necklace rom a chick for 30 $

its at a festival

sheriff homie tells brandoes homies they can stay for the festival but gotta go after

brando talks to the sherrifs wife and sez bye at night

wait, its his step daughter

wie wants sheffir to check in on step daughter

later brando gives the daughter, I think, the necklace he bought and sez its his moms

then smooches her

as it fades out after hat I think they b0ned

later its day and they r on da beach

she sez she missed him and I think its da chick from b4

he admits he lied to her and hes a bank robber

even the necklace thing

and he even lies about how much he paid for it when coming out to her

and she ditches him and at night on the way back one of brandoes gang confronts her

the next day someone tells sherrf his woman or daughter or w/e was out all night with bando

brando;s name is rio in here

like sharks sister in Yugioh zexal

or ryo from Devilman

he confronts her and she sez they just walked on da beach

wait I think it really was the daughter

the mom confronts her and daughters bummed

he sez she didn't b0ne him

later a guy at a bar forces his 5kank to drink booze as punishment for acting up

here comes the air plane

then brando assaults him

she tries to kice da guy and guy grabs a gun

but takes too long and brando wacks him

sherrif has brando hand over his firearm

but he don't wanna

so shefrrif summons snipers in attack mode

he then has brando tied to a thing and whips him

as brando was in a p0rn0 later, i'd say this is a sign of things to come

he nails him with a gun when brando wants to be iced and has him run outta town

oh he busted brandoes hand with da gun

imagine if he stuck it up his a55 and gave him a 45 caliber suppository

later  his gang tends his wounds

4 weeks later his hand is still f;d

btw busting the main guys hand was also done in the kung fu movie 36 crazy fists

he makes a hand chain thing and trains in how to use his dead hand again

after weeks of waiting his goons wanna shoot up the sherrif and take da bank

I just realized the scene of him whipping and busting brando was like in American history x where that na zi gang b0nes the hero

 the daughrer is bummed over the brando being rode out of town

later he's training (where do they get da bullets?) and daughter comes to see him

brado admits he wants to waste sherrf

he admits he was in prison for 5 years in a h-ll hole mexico prison

he dug maggots outta his sores and worked in a lead mine

looks like hes gonna bite it soon

lead is deadly

and sherrif was his best homoie but now he hates him for betaying him

and his ambition for revenge kept him going

just like in ben-hur

and the 2000s count of monte cristo

and fist of the north star

and he don't think murdering sherrif is murder

he wronged me, so imma ice him

how civilized

daughter wants him for not do it but he wont

so she ditches him, again

what is this? the princess getting caught in sonic 06?

later at a card game, 1 goon alludes to b0ning the daughter

brando freanks out, throws the table, and calls him a: scummm, suck king, pigg

kinda cr-ppy acting

later his goons go

but 1 of em starscreams himself as the new leader

his Mexican homie wants to stop him but the starscream has his bullets

then caps him and kicks him in the sea

starscream tells sherrif brandoes gonna ice him

then jacks a bank

but a girl comes in

when he picks up some dropped cash, teller shoots through the desk

but he fires back and in the gunfire both bite it as does the girl

I think it was not starscream ut his homie who bit it

sherrif goes after brando and catches him

they bring him in jail and brando tell him he was in mexico jail for 5 years

but sherrif don't buy it

daughter sees brando and he sez he wanted her to be his wife

she sez shes pregnant with his kid

maybe now sherrif is gonna bust brandoes parts

1 deputy tries to get brando to try to grab his rifle so he can cap brando

but brando don't bite

after closing the cell, he comments about taking care of the daughter and brando attacks him

calls him a "sobb of spitt"

kinda cr-ppy acting

at dinner wife asks if sherrif wants to ice brando for ditching him in he desert

she heard it from daughter

and she outs daughters pregnancy

sherrif gets p-ssed that wife lied to him about what daughter said in Mexican b4

and after all he did for her and daughter they don't trust him and turns on him

and he wants to ice brando sooner

later daughter brings food and sez her dad told her to do so

but guard checks the stew and finds a gun in it

she freaks out and is taken away

brando breaks his bed and makes a grappling hook to bring over the table with da gun on it

that's city property

huh

he tilts it 1st to slide it over soo he can reach when its near

I never thought of dat

he holds the guy at gunpoint and almost counts to 8 to get him to unlock the cell

he gets the deputy in the cell and makes him get on hands and knees

brando gets is gun and reveals it wasn't loaded

then beats him up

imagine if he put the gun up his a55 and gave him a 22 caliber suppository

he locks deputy in and tries to getta horse

but sherrif sees him after deputy yells and they gunfight around a water fountain

bando ices him and runs off wit daughter

but hes not dead yet and fires 1 last shot

then collapses

later he tells daughter to tell mom he tried to run but sherrif didn't give him a chance

he wants to go to Oregon

she wants to later go to mexico but hes wanted there

he sez hed return and they kiss with consent

then he rides off into da wastelands

the end

that was not so bad

had a few good twists and ideas

too bad it was widescreen

its from da 60s and is a western and I thought it was good

not great or mind blowing

but entertaining

surprised they had teen pregnancy in here9how old is she?!)

huh, slim pickens was in here

and this was gona be directed by the director of the shining and 2001 a space odyssey

for one eyed jacks 2 I want it to be years later and brando still hasn't come back. his teen son is being raised by a recovered shefrrif who kept saying how brando was no good while the mom said he was good. he eventually goes on a quest to find him. but a long the way, finds others who are his illegitimate kids. he's been b0ning half of California  and has countless kids. and they all want a piece of him for ditching their moms for eachothers moms. its also an 8 bit platform game on Gameboy, sega master system and NES and you play as one of his many kids and try to find clues b4 the other kids get them (often taking them out)