Manos The Hands Of Fate Review

 Note; I spell like my hands have a pseech impediment

Manos The Hands Of Fate

Thgis is my review on Manos The Hands Of Fate from thr fdistant future year to jfk as the gov ended him b4 dat, of 1966(40 twAYS BEFROE THE 43RD SEASON OF TRNDSFORMERS IN DA 80S)

its direted by some guy who bet he coulkd make a hoorror mocvie easy and got a bucnha theartre dudes to make it at night

these actros and dirrexctor never did anything else other than maybe a few spin offs to this

this was rated one of the worst movies ever made and i wanna see it cuz of that

I never saw this b4 but I watched a longplay of the 8 biut game the guys who diud AVGN Adventures made

ooh its in peoper fullscreen and has 60s color

so this fam is going on vacation and is in a convertable and might be lost but dad dont wanna admit it

also the kidsa re cold and not wearing seatbelts as tyhis is the 670s

also it seems to have all been dubbed over like The Room

So the kids sit in the front and they sing row row row ur boat liker its star trek 005 and then we get title and they get pulled over by the cops for a tail light being f;'d

cop ciuts em a break for beign late to going somewhreere, i;'m not sure, they never said

affter more driving to flute music and not a flute with skin, they head for the valley lodge as i guess this is one of thos edaemon worship things like in  the 1700s

1  part has a teen couple in their 30s drinking and making out in a car and 60s msuic polays and it reminds me of wild ghuitar

the fam goes by and bf sez "theres nothing up dat roa" and makes out with his gf and probably b0nes her later

later dad sez "da sign pointed this way" but theres nothing here and wife wants to ask the kids in the car who are 30 where to go

the cops confront the treens for making out and tell em to make out elsewhere and they drive off, as we cant have this random stop in the middle of nowhere befouled by maAking out!

so da fam reaches a dead end and goes back but tyhe teens are gone

mom seez someone and he looks like ryan from screenwave media but amish and sez hes torgo who looks after the place wheil the master ios away

also master wont like the kid or  the dog as master dont like klids, unlike al those deviantos in california and new york

the fam wants  to find the loddge and torgo sez the place dont exist around here

mom is scared and thinks its gettign dark when the sky is bright and blue and toprgo sez theres no way out of here

mom dont weanna stay the ngiht and dad thinks its ok but torgo thinks mastert wont liek it

is it Master Hand from Super Smash Bros?

Dad sez the master wont mind and eventually after much nothing abnd pianbo, torgo sez ok anbd crippledly gets the luggage and sez they cant stay too long as da master wont approve

inside dad seez a drawing on the wall of some frank zappa lookin mother f--jer and the music is weiord and kinda like a basd video game or kids show

mom thinks zappa is evil looking anbd has a dog drawn by him and dad sez thar might be da master

torgo tAps dads shoulder amnd not his a55 with his weird stick annd tells them master is not of this world now but hes still with emn

torgo sez master likes the mom  and that master isnt dead the way mom knows it

this feels like a parody of horror films, or like what the parodies make fun of

its life jim but not as we know it

toprgo is gonna show em their rooms and they hear an animal outside howling and moms scared so dad goes to chase it away

f--kin dumba55! a wild animal is out there and u go to it?!

so the dog is stpoopider than him and goes out andf when dad gets his gun from da car, the dog is dead

wiife spazzes out over "what kind of place isd this?!" cuz an animal iced another animal and dad brings the dead dog in

wait til sghe finds out about spiders!

kid wakes up asnd wants the dog but mom sez "he went away when u were sleepiong"

mom gets daD TO leave evebn though they didnt in broad dayught and now it actrually IS dark

dad gets torgo torepack the luggage and goes out to f wiuith da car

is torgo a thing on Trog? or is it the other way?

torgo isd into the mom and sez the masster wants her for a wife and loves hot chuicks anmd torgo rfet-rtdedly spazzes aroundf and feels her haiir as she seems weirded ouyt

so hes like devolved or something?

mom sez not toi try it aga8in and torgo sez he wants her instead of having masater have her and she calls for her man

btw torgos actor ate his guin as month b4 this  movie came out

torgo sez sorry  and he meant no harm and now wants to protect her

was he treying to b0ne her ion the real versin?

is that what b09ning was like in the 60s?

dad returns and sez da car wont start and its revealed by torgo the master dont like phones

the nearest  phone is 10 miles and thatts topo much for these city folk and torgo sez the master wont mind them being here the night, even though he sed da opposite for the last 20 mins

mom whines about the master picture and how da dogs dead but then they notice the kids gone like its f--kin pet semewtary amnd they took the eyes off da kid for 20 seconds

dad asks torgo to help findf her and mom sez the doors locked so she casnt haver gone far

the kitchen door is lopcked and theyt go to look outside and mom crys as the camera zooms in on their holding hasnds tyo show their masrriage bond helping them in a time of trial

kid copmes on weitrh the big black ddog from the picxture on a leash and dad gets his gun sand gets her away from t

inside kid sez the dog wasin a big ddark place and had a lot of peoplee and thety go there and see themne chicks by walls and a butr in a robe on a slab and a fire in a hanging thing

somehow they find it horrible amd dad sends his fam to a locked room and wants torgo to explsainm

in the room, torgo spazzes arounfd and tells the master on the slab off for how torego wants a wife and isnt gonna let masters wives something asnd he dont want erm

them feels the hair and face presses an arm of 1 and goes opff saying "im done with yall"

he seems like thart devolved irishman from America as number 2 in 08--16 and number 1 in 2021

mom gets ready for bed and torgo looks in the window but is gone when she sennses him asnd lookss

dad is out and torgo knocks him out with his weird hard staf and puts him by a tree in the dark

its a full moon as allways in these movies and master riseslooking like dracula in castlkevanbia and then we see the 30 yyear old teens from b4 making oput after all these hours

the cop coimes y and tells em "how often do u neee 2 b told" asnd they say "go after that other couple"

sherifdf sez theres no other couple as the road teens saw em on goes nowehere(then why does it exist?!)

master gets up and calls to Manos this god of some sort like HP Lovecraft and prays to it

he awakens his women and they chat like chicks do aand ask why as femasle kid is here and they usually sacrioficxe men

1 wants the kid iced and others say the kid will grow up to be a woman and be useful

master seZ THEY WILL ICE THE CHILD AND if they defy him he'd end them

the wives blame torgo and he goes off to deal with torgo but while out, the wives tallk of revbelling as they aint needed as wives as master has a new one

they dispute on saing the kid as manos theior god loves women andeventually 2 chicks have a cr-ppy figfhrt in the sand in white dresses  ands swait its all chicks as some wanna save the kid

as they fight weird kinda jazzy music plays

latter master finds torgo and his dog iss there and eventually torgo gets up

master sez "u failed me again starscream" asnd hoiw the chicks can hear when under the spell and told him

torgo sez "why do u get 2 wieners i mean 6 wives?" and wants 1 buit master sez "ur not 1 of us" asnd torgo sez "yu'll never have her"

master sez cuz toirgo faiuled he must die and looks at him until torgo submits and sez the hands of fate creused him

at night 1 chick makkes out with dad then slaps hhim for a bit then leraves

back at the cat figght, torgo and mastyer com,ew in and the maken out with dad chick showws em the gang catfight

eventually mom wakes up and calls for dad and lokig uin the window is master

master returns and makes em stop fighting and tells em off for being dumba55es

aslso masters cloak is black weith rted big a55 hand prints on it

mster sez they wiill do the plan and end 1 chick who revbbelled and torgo and has the rebelling chick tied to a column

torgo is put on aa rock and lays there for a while thenn master sez manos wants torgo sacrificed and has 2 chicks hand on him for a while

1 shot is frpom torghos view and is like in edward scissorhands wit the kid geing cut up

all to dissonant piano thasts kinda good and off beat

dad returns and breaks dowbn da door ands  in the ritual room torgo is rollerd onto the floor but evenrtusally gets up and master grabns his hand and puts it on this metal thing hyby fire

it pops and mastyer holds a burbning crooked hand and i think thsats all thats let off torgoi

he drops the hand and sez good wife will be after the others

mom wants to go and dad sez they'd hide in rthe deser6 and hget help

good wife sez masater will be beat by da gods and he replies manos made him permanent but she sez hers losing controll as torgo defied him

he slaps her around sez sdhe'd wind up like torgo and shev sez the other wifes are losing respect and fear of him and he beats on her and rip[ss her clothes

dad anbd wife run but wife falls and sez to leave her but UNlike grizzleyt rage, therry go on insatead of b--ching for 2 mins as the bear gets emn

1 wife sez the humans got aweay and master wants em to go after the fam even as they say "dont ice a kid"

the wives go after em and mastyer takes his big black doog out

mom sez they can go back to the house as the baddz wont think top look there and masin guy dad sez "i have my gun" abnd shoots a snake

kids wants her puppy and dad sez "not now" and goes back

the cops out there in AntiSoviet Texas hear dda shots and think it might be in mxiico and go looking

at da housae master comes in wiith his dog aafter we see da fam going in but its tough to tell wehats goiungh on

dad caps master asnd he stands there as the camera goes fuzzy andf then its daylight and i think raining

thee 2 chicks driuve around in a convertable anbd eventuyally pit the top up and dive around for a while as we see the same teens still aking out as i guess they never learned to b0ne or have values

at da house tyhe dad welcomes them there and in the room is the weifes and 1 is the mom and 1 is the kid

dad sez hes here to care for the place while master is away and sounds like he dsont got a soul like The Good Doctor

Then credits showing clups of the characters and their actors names like spaceballs

the end

wait

The End?

that was pretty weirtd

i didnt hate it but a lot is just people doing things w//o music

but not in sa good way like Tim Burtons Bat,man or Silent Films

its craeative and offbeeat and has a lot of logic errors

but i dont hate it

its appealing in a cheesy way

so bad its good

its rated the 2nd worst after Plan 9 From Outer Space and i can see why

its a biut like the texas chainsawe massacre and ther cult thing is like part 4 but is less polished and more cr-ppier in a fun way

good twist where the bad guy kinda wins and the cuycle renews

its not like most films from the 60s but is  bit like the 20s films with the bad end

also its before Night of the Living Dead buit has a similar thing of people in a home and enemies after em and a DARK FINISH

plus its only like an hour long and can be ff'd throughn some parts

gladc i saw it, its got a weird ness to it and a cr-ppitude factor

foir Manos The Hands Of Fate 2 I want it to be about the cousin of the girl and her fam coming ove and finding them after using esp to locate them, she has a holyy scythe that makes her immune to the masters powers and has to fight through his women and her uncle and aunt and cousin to save them by dslicing the evcil outta em, also after taking out the master, he sacrifices himself top summon manos and its an epic final battle with claymationand manos being a monstyer madem of several hands melded togetehr, also toorgo';s hand is an item that can be used to daMAGE THE master as his lingering spirit wants revenge, itsd also a 16 bit RPG on Sega Geneusis, Snes, GBA, TG16 and Atari Jaguar wehere you lay as this chick and have no other party menbers and level up fighiting these guys