The Violent Men Review

 Note: nI Spell like Violence Jacjk

The Vio;ent Men

This is my review on The Violent Men from the distaNT FUTURE YEAR (tO pAUL rEVERE) OF 1955(50 YEARS BEFORE THE tRANSFORMEWRS mOVIE)

its diurectal by Rudolph Mate who diud nothing I've seen

It stars Glenn Ford from the 70s Superman, da 60s Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse, Blackboard Jungle, Barbara Stanwyck friom Double Indemnity/the 30s Annie Oakley, Edward G. Robinson from The Hatchet Man/The Amazing Dr. Clitterhouse/Double Indemnity/Scarlet  Street/Krey Largo/The Ten Commandments/Soylent Green, Brian Keith from The Wind and the Lion/Ther 90s Spiderman/Touched By An Angel/Duckman, Warner Anderson from Santa Fe/Blackboard Jungle, Basil Ruysdael from Blackboard Jungler, Richard Jaeckel from The Dirty Dozen/The Green Slime/Chisum/Airplane II: The Sequel, Jack Kelly from Cult of the Cobra/Forbidden Planet/ the 60sd Batman/the 70s The Incredible Hulk, Willis Bouchey from How the West Was Won/Panic in Year Zero!/The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance/The 50ss A Star Is Born/THEM!From Here to Eternity, Harry Shannon from Touch of Evil/Rails Into Laramie/The Jackie Robinson Story/Citizen Kane, and some guys from the 30s i never heard of

I never saw this but its based on a book by Donald Hamilton that i never heard of nor read

So its in widescreen and nice color  and creewdits that scroll up, then fade on and off as guys ride forses across the wastelands

then theyre in a town and wait its 1 guy hes sherrif

the riuders come in and nearly run over sherrif abnd get offf, only to watch him walk off

1 rider talks to a mnercichivck about a guy coming in she wants tyo see'

sherrif goes in for a check up and dr tALKS OF HIM BEING ON A HONEYMOON SOON

he survived a confederate bullet through him sanddr talks of the  lust for land driving guys to twist others into selling their land

hes got good health and is going off in the east to marry a girl and is gonna sell his ranch  as he don;'t wanna ranch forever and dont fit in and was there to recover health

after going out, the riders beat up a guy for aying wilkerson sytole his land as he got a cr=ppy price for it and wait, sherrif and non rqancher are 2 different guys

sherruuf takes a gun from the riders and as he walks off, is shot in da back

the deputee comes by and asks "who saw wghat happened" and everuyones afraid to tallk

is thiis where hokuto no ken got it from?

so the guys et away with it anbd main guy is disagruntlerd by it and wants to do something

he notices something is up about small ranchers beuing forced out and a new gunman joining the bad guys and south ranchers starting to get it

thery suspect wilkerson of something and main guy don't wanna sell to him even though hes the only guy who can afford a fair price

is this a thing on disney?

So main guy goes off and hus gf comes by and they have a bit of romance talk and smooch

in the real versuiion they were b0ning

shes worried he might get iced if he satays and ays to fold and sell out to wilkerson as she  d0nt want him executed

this other guy tries to get  her to be his woman butshe dont consent and storms off

Is this like inHokuto No Ken with Shin and Yuria/Julia?

later main guy gets some guys together to tell em hes moving and selling and  oh its his workers, and hes selling to wilkerson

he tells em not to try anything stoopid and get iced and he'ss not the number one blader i mean rancher but no one got hurt under him

2 guys come by and say they dont want him to sell to wilkerson and they helped him when he came here wounded from war

1 irish sez wilkerson had his son beat dead and he will fight til he ort wilkerson are in h e douyble soviet canada

main guy dion't carry a gun and then we see him riding around the hills and back to his cattle

theres anchor logos for anchorige the wilkonsen company   and it looks like the hammer and sickle the commies and hollywood like

main guy goes to anchor place and talks with blonde chick who is mocking of him being different

shes wilkonsens daughter and has a bit of nice to him annd is probably gopnna marry and b0ne him

he goes in and chats with wiklerson mom and crippled edward g robinsion and his son come downn

edward gein robinson is wilkerson and they argie about how wilkerson had guys iced but he denies it

main guy sez he wants a fair price and might stay son suggests main guys men might need to fight

ed wilkerson goes on abouit how he worked hard and everyones against him

12 years ago he was in a gunfight abd got crippled and  now needs crutches and wants main guy to sell it to him for 15 000

its not enough fior a down payment and they say its a good price to keep from fighting and main guy leaves

b4 he goes he jamns his finger in wilkersions eye and pulls it out, beefgore aying "the other one is next if you try that again" then eats it

jk really wife sez he shouldnt ask so low butwilkoreson sez its part of his strategy

daughter isnt doing happy as shes got no friends and her place s=--cked so mom wants to send her to finishing school

imagine if the chick from titanic was thee aand comparedv it to slavery?

wife talks with son about where he was and thinks hes with the mexicxo and dont like it as shes racist as itys the 1800s and everyones racist insatead of today when pretending they aint

wait then thety make out? i thought that was the mom and hes the son

she hates wolkerson for bwing a c=ck sucker and likes this guy whos called cole like the wqilsdforce ranger and i guess notr her son

oh hes who mexico wanted t see b4

blonde sees soimething in the window AND COMES in and mom comes down talklimng of her behavipr but blonde knows wife is cheeting on her husband

i heard my dads say cole is wilkersons brother

main guy talks wirh a guy i think deputee about how hes gonna complsin but will take the 15000 offer and dont wanna fight

a guy rides in saying anchor riderts ate heading for a guys property

we see the ridfders whip a guy working for maIN GUY after saying thisd is anchor turf and as he rins, they rope and drag hium, then tie him up and cap him

in the real version they preobablky had him drawn and quartered

they b00k it as the main guy and friends arrive and capped guy tells em this was to make main guy make uphis miond, then bites it after saying the name of the guy who iced him

were like an hour in with adds, that felt like nothing

so main guy and his chums tell thje authorities and the head sherrif sez ther killers homies say the killer was at the bar all day and they dpont got the evidence to convict and infers they got no chance to convixct as they domnt like strangers ort gaijin

alsoof someone tries to lynch the killer, they'd arrest em, and the men wanna run in for revenge but main guy sez, its a trap and they wanna get em iced legally, so if they want revenge, plan and choose a better battlefield

main guy goesd out and his men follow and sherrif goes inso main giuy goews backand in da baras a guy has a gun on him

he asksd where killer is and talks to him and gunman pulls off

they have a drinbk which both Gokub and Power Rangers say noand he has a 2nd against drs oerders as killer makes him

he tyells killer about his men wantyng revenge and asks him to stand triakl, sdo killer pullsa gunand firtes but main guy catches his arm and avoids it, then caps killer witjh his right hand

both hands working to ice people by surprise? Is this where death note got it?

da next dae main guy comes to anchorranch and talks with blonbde and givres killers gun to wilkerson and tells him his hired gun is iced

also hes not going to sell and will stand and fight buty would prefwer peace but if pushed, wilkonsaon will regret it

wilkerson sez tio da cole he sed to not ice anyoner and cole sez they needed to and wife sez she brouyyght cole back for a rteason anddid it so wilkerson would have peace

wilkerson sez to get main guy outta a valley aND MAIN GUY GOES HOME AND FINDS HIS WOMAN NOT PLEASED HE DISDNT KEEP HIS PROMICE not to fight

f off capsd lock, you canbdy a55 aids spill

the dad of the guy who got capped comes by andmain guy gies him the gun capped guy and but dad lets main guy keep it but if he needs fighters, he has a few sons left

gfg dumps him and runs out as shes not played by a big star and only starts go with stars in tyhese filmes

so main guy goes to a rocky area like in Power Rangers and the film is tinted toi look like its not bright daylight and he's split his men and not on his base rabnch

the ridders run aroubd da ranche on horsesand torch it and as mmain guy knew they'd burn it, he plans to take em on as they go off claimng they were nmight riders

eventually the riders ciomeby the star treck rocky area and through the canyon annd waooh theres a lotta guys

they go by the 21st grouo and the 2bnd group caps em as they get close and the survivors run but are cappped as they run back where they came

the few survivors gewt back andwilkerson is amazed mAIN GUY  sacrificed his farm to ice the guys

although wood can be rebuilt but those guys are burning with elizabeth 01 in dantes inferno for their evil

mom suggests getting back cole and blonde tells mom off fior b0ning her uncle and dad yells at her when she almost tells wilkersonhis wife is b0ning his brother

today on springer

blonde storms off and ed gein robinson thinks things are getting f'd like whern he forced his way in years ago

wife tells him to not give up and twists him into doing w/e he must to get the valley for her

so blonde rides off as i figured she'd get with main guy as shes a big actress and clashed woith main guy so they'd fall in love and have 400 babies

she meets main guy in the rocky hills and offers to pay him a fair price for his land

then how her dad wilkerson is some bittle cripple like bruce in batyyman beyond and its cole who ordered it

also she wants to prevent the killing form coming back and has ptsd of her dads machine gunned legs getting bullets dug outta em

cole is gonna skip town as he thinks wiklerson is gonna send him off and doesnt care for wifer as she chose wilkerson as he had a ranche

he sez "if u li=ove me prove it! ditch ur fam and come to dallas with me" but ashe is hestiant and cole goes off to be with ythe gf who diteched main guy

so the riders start a stampede and its still night but really day and tinted and wife returns to wilkerson and a guy sez main guy started a stamnpede as i guess i mislooked

so as the horses and cattle spaszz out, main guys men go to wilkersons place and torch it, as what goes around comes around

a f==kin burning cart busts in the house and as wilkerson and wife try to escape he drops hi crutches and she thtows em in the fire to end him

what a b--ch, hiome those mexicans b0ne her dead

so wilkerson crawels out like lon chaney on west of zanzibar and wife drives off in a cart as da ranch burns

cole is with his mexico gf and wifdre comes in saying wilkersons in h e double soviet california but wopnt say she ended him

blonde comes home and finds it bruend and finds wilkenson crawling like the wom he is and she goes to him

she takes a knife and cuts open his chirt, then begins cutting letters into him to use pagan magic to heal him

jk really she gives him water and he lies about wife not being there but she dont buy it

she offers to bring him to get help but he sez no cuz wife with with cole there

i like how the main bad guy is a woman, kinda like robotech ii the sentinels had edwards being the main bad guy but was wioth the group from the start

you dont expect it

also this is like 96 mins but on git they add nearly an hour of adds

so wife and cole try to get sherrif to take out the main guy and his chums but she lies about being a witness and its hard to talk of, so sherrif sez he'd string em up

she sez the territory will be a state and offers him a power for helping her

is this where the room got it from? the evil blonde who manipulates?

so sherrif gets the people to seputize against main guy for icing wilkerson and pays em 100 $ to ice anyone against the gov and wife offers 1000$ for the guy who brings in main guy

mexico gf triues to stop cole but cole shoves her down head 1t and weife watches and smiles

mexico gf comes to beg for letting her have cole as she loves him and wife offers her money to go away

mnexico wont be bought and walks off and the deputized guys go around toreching places in effort to stop anyone the gov sez is against em

kinda like how clin tin did da tow wurs so they couyld go after hussein and his gold thing

blonde and wilkersopn is caught in a room by main guy as captives but wilkerson sez cole and wife want him iced too

the deputees are comming and iced guys dad wants to fight for his land but main guys ez he needs him and his men and dont want em iced fighting

so cole is torching the valley with his deptuees and capping any one there as no survivors means no witnesses and the main guys dudes spread woth to get out

wife returns to anbchorage and she sez they are gonna ice anyone against em and have the area to themselves

later main guyis gonna stand and fight and bblonde wants em to not fight or kill as shes a woman who doesnt get that if u dont stand up you;ll be an indentured servant

after b--ching out she crys and hugs dad and they decide to go after cole with main guy

they ride in to town and wilkenson is alive and crippled and sherrif sez he was told main guy iced him

wilkerson tells em no more klilling like hercule and buu and get off my land as its anchoridge

main guy goes to face the cole and they fire on each other and cole goes back to h e doubel england

wife sees wiknelson and runs as she didnt enxpect him to be alive

wilkenson sez; i couldnt sleep in h-ll while you rome the living, them grabs her and pulls her underground as they scream/laugh

jk really she runs and mexico chick caps her and runs off

so later wilkenson hires main guuy as his head buy and main guy goes with blonde as she's the bigger star and his past gf wasdsnt

they riide off and we get a pan across a grassland with these  2 word  on it like a 50s movie

the end

that was pretty good

i knoew they wouldnt have a guy end the wife as its "offensaife" for guys to give it to chicks

no matter hoiw much they deserve it

good acting and style and filming and music

nice action and good writing

its got good twists where the guy we were told was the bad guy wasn't so bad and the woman was evil

it wasnt as violent as the title would imply but i thoguht it holds up well

it has good pacing and flow and dont drag and it goes by at a good pace

nice twists and a bit of darkness pplus the main guy was a winnwer who's cool and smart

For The Violent Men 2 I want it to follow the mexican chick who capped the  wife in the 1st movie to be on the run and find a dimensional rift in the deserty that leads her to a realm of faeries and yokai and she has to escape b4 they notice shes there. Also its a 32/64 bit 2D game on Sega Saturn, N64 and Platystation where you use traps and items and gears and levers and things like that Doug TenNapel game with the ClayMation

Rails Into Laramie Review

 Note: I spell trains style

Rails into Lasramie

This is my review on Rails Into Laramie from the distant fiture year (To Ben Franklin) of 1954 (30 years before Transformersa G1)

Its directed by Jesse Hibbs who did Ride Clear of Diablo

It stars John Payne from Miracle on 34th Street, Mari Blanchard ffrom Destry/McLintock!, Dan Duryea from Scarlet Street/Ride Clear of Diablo/The Twilight Zone, Barton MacLane from Thje Walking Dead/the 40s Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde/The 440s The Maltese Falcon, Ralph Dumke from Invasion of the Body Snatchers/The War of the Worlds, Harry Shannon from Citizen Kane/The Jackie Robinson Story/Thouch Of Evil, James Griffith ffrom Ride Clear of Diablo/The Night of the Hunter/The First Texan/Bullwhip/Spartacus/How the West Was Won/the 60s Batman, Lee Van Cleef from Escape from New York/The Good, the Bad and the Ugly/The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance/How the West Was Won/Joe Dakota/The Lawless Breed, Myron Healey from The Firth Texan/The Shakiest Gun in the West, George Chandler from the 30s A Star is Born/the 30s Valley of the Giants/the 30s Jesse James/ Boy Slaves/Mr. Smith Goes to Washington/The Ox-Bow Incident, Douglas Kennedy from Liffe With Father/Adventures of Don Juan/The Lone Gun, and some 1900s guys not on wiuipedra or I never saw in anything

I never saw this b4 but imdb says its 6.1 outta 10

So after tiotle and credits of yellow text onm bliue bg to a song, its in proper fukllscxreen ands collored

In the disatant future year of 1869 and in cheyanne in soviet wyoming

in a cASINO Or w/e a soldier plays a shellbame and exposes its crooked and the casino head wants him out

he sez no and a fight breaks out fastyer than a hocvkey game or soccer game  and hes thjrown through da window

his men tell him da general wants to see him sand he sez he had 30 ays off

they slug him out and bring him in to meet da gen

there he sez he has a few months left andis offered to become a aptain by going to laramie to help restore order to help da railreoad

he's sent as he knows gamblers and 5kanks and he refuses but its an order

if he f's this up he'd be in the guardhouse and still owe da gov

well that was fast, right to the point, we're 4 mins in and itsa all set up

Well then in sovviet lramie, the crew is too drunk to do sh-t anda guy is said to have his way until the troopsd come

da train comes in and a maRCHING BAND PLAYS And the guys who own things tyalk about how their reign dontr gotta end

main guy comes in and reveals its only him to clean up this cesspoole of a town and the guy who runs thing, who imma call bad guy, sezhe knows him

main guy sez he had 28 daysd leave left anddon't care for this, then sees bad guy called jim and who shows him his goons

jim owns a hotel and you KNOW they gotabfight as former friends battling is how these go

main guy goes to hotel and jim sez helen will be glad to see him

the town ownmers wants to send word to da general but decide to find out more on what main guy is up 2

mayor i thuink is said to have hired his himie or relative as ssherrif or w/e

goons go up to check on main guy and dont like him but offer him money from da boyz

its 2000$ and he sends em out, whifch you could buy a lot of sh-t back then with that

main guy comes does in civilian clothes sayoing hes deserted and isn't gonna do his job

da judge comes down and sez sorryt for not being friendflier when he came andinvites him to thids meeting

main guy goes to sherrif area and sherrif is sleeping in an unlocked cell as theres like no crime biut main guy sez to get ready for inmates

later hes atta bare or casino or w/e and meets jims blonde gf and his goons are tthere

he tells em the penalty for bribing an officer is 3 years and hes gonna be marshasall and returns the monery

jim sez its a gift and maiin guy leaves but 1 goon insults main guy and sez to get outta town

main guy slugs him out and jim fires by goon when goon pulls a gun

jim and main guy walk and talk about him meetying blonde in soviet denver and main guy was a sgt years ago

they go to jims house and theres a chivck therewho is into msaain guy wjo remembers himn from 5 years ago

They talk about how cleaning up Laramie means taking down Jim and how Jim changed, but now  dont get mad when main guy looks at chgick

main guy goes to see judge andi think jim is b0ning chivck and hAS BLONDE on the side

2 lovers at once? What are you? Sailor Venus?

main guy is asked to do something by judge and the welites to do something about Jim and the head guy of the railroad making thing pipe murfy

they its maybe anothger day and a train goes to the railroad making area and the worker sare all drinking as i guess the union protects them

uinions are like gkloves on strings, itas nice to have, but responsible people dont need em

main guy goes in and tells pipe mupfy thast main guy in in charge and if they wanna stip him they wont be paid

pipe is slugged oiut by main guy and whhen he coes at him agauin, main guy busts his head with a shovel

imagine if he got him with the edge and took most of ther head off at an angle?

main guy has the workers get to work and tells the casino dinks to gte the booze and gamnbling out in 24 hours and if they don't, he tells em they're fired and the construction is closed

this guys is kicking a55 like Margartet Thatcher by beating union candya55

so the workers are fired and constructiuon is stopped and the towns guys dont like it

also 1 goon tells off jim for things going f'd and other goon aims a gun at him to send him off

jim sends a goon to the town council meeting and main guy has townsfolk hating on him for f ing things up

so theres a town meeting about the main guy stopping construction and he sez he shut dfown gambling and drinking and in 14 days they can come back to work under his terms

thew towen meucants wanna court martial main guy but are beat in a vote as its only a fortnite

jim sez no crtedit for workers at bars or other things to make the workers mad and they can't take out loans for gambling

they complain to Jim but he sez to meet him later and blonde suspects jim would throw her under da buss if he wanted to

at a meeting the past sherrif wait hes still it, sees the railroad menn getting drunk and goes down to the office and gets his gun

drunk angry union workers might try something dumb and main guy goes to the bar with him too see jim telling the drunk angry unionites to be violent to get their way

main guy tells em they can do a days work for a days pay and to break up the gathering

he arrests jim for tyrying to starting a riot and blonde brings main guy to the back for a drink and she's ok with jim being arrested

she has some morals and cares about not jyuuing people for money but no jury in town would convict him as they fear jim

she offers help and they make out, but in the ral version they were probably b0ning

he dotn make a bargin woth her and goes back to the sherrif office

main guy checks onjim and find him ripped open with his guts out and him moning and spazzing out sauing "You drove me to this!"

jk really hes smoking, which is bad too, and sez hes gonna look after helen

he goes to jims house and tells chick that jim is in jail and she worries something might happen to main guy cuz of this

main guy and chici wanna help jim overcome his evil and shes mareid to him and is loyal to him

as main guy returns, hes caught, beat up and thrown n a train while  k o ed

imagine if they sawed off his arms and legs and left him there wiggling his stumps?

the next day, is the trial and sherrif is asked if he ever saw a man get his thrftoat cut with a razor like what jims shaving with to keep him from talking

main guy wakes up on da  train llike in star fox 64 and climbs toi the head of it and has the drivers reverse the train as i guess you can drive it backwards

at trial the arresting officer and sherrif wont say it as he dont wanna wind up like the diana or charles other women and the case is dismissed

So main guy gets back and finds the trials over and sherrif is bummed he queered out

main guy sez they might not have convicted him anyway and blonde comes over and sez da towens gonna blow open

she offers something seductivly for the 50s and goes out

1 guy , wait its pipe, sez to blow the areasor something and the workers torch the camp like diane fossey in gorillas in the mist on the africa people

they blow places in town with dino might and bust the place and keep being not guilty

main guy sends word to get 12 jury memnbers and new railroad workers and the message guy dont send it as jim dont want it

i like how it goes black and unblack to change scenes like a silent movie

to prevent suspicin about the message not being returned, they blow the area by a railroad and cover the tranks in dirt to say its a landslide then cut the telegraph wire

da town guys talk to main guy about how he screwed up and now the town is worse and he otta rehire em

but main guy sez not to give in and wont so they are gonna call the general and save some time and have him cour martialed but then learn the diinoi might f'd the tracks and cut the wire

sherrif volunteers to go out to get help and its ok as long as he dont run into indians

1 goon is out there somehow ahead of him and j fk's him as he goes by

main guy talks to jim and gives him money for the room, but at night the sherrifs horse comes back with blood on it

they find sherrif and i think hes dead and main guy goes to casino bar and blonde tells him where the killer is, but not to kill him

she suggests having women serve on a jury now and to try that but main guy goes up, slugs out the bodybuard and confronts main guy and goon about attacking sherrif

goon sez "i didnt kill him" but main guy sez "how'd you know hes dead?"

goon pulls a gun and main guy caps him and arrests jim for ordering the hit

the men whine about women on juries but unlike judge jumangi, there have been good female judges ike Judge Amy

the court is asked to not use chick but they allow it and they are sworn in and photographed

thought you couldnt photograph juries in case someone they convict wants revenge

so the tiarl goes on and people give their terstamony and the jury goes to deliberate

hes found guilty and blonde was the main chick on there

later main guy tells blonde not to go down as theres people angry over the outcome and blame her for sending him to the sodomy house

she dont care and tells him off but then warms up to him and they smooch

later they are making gallows to put jimmy boy to sleep as he's not the queen and can ighnore the law and get away with assassinations

helen comes by da jail and makes out withjim but he tells her he was framed and guilts her intyo giving him a firearm

if only those were illegal, then no one would have em, like drugs or naecro p0rn0e

jim gets main guy at gunpoint later, makes him open the door, then clubs him out and goes to blonde place

he blames her for finding him guilty and not his own actions and caps her but she tells someone that jim broke outta jjail and shot her

they tell main guy and he gets a posse together to hunt the jim like michael myers in halloween 002

main guy confronts helen over giving jim the gun and she asks to let him go but main guy dont buy it and searches the house

jim prepartes to skip town on a work train and in the daylight, clubs out a worker and drivces off as telepgraph guy holds train guiys at gunppoint

but a telegraph comes in and he runs out and eyll that the slide is cleared and theres a passanger train fiill of people comming on that route

main guy hears and rides off on a horses a55 to outrun a train that left longer ago and doesnt get tired

well somehow he catches up as they feed the horse protocultyre and gets on dsa train

theres a gunfight with goon and he shoots the gun outta his hand but when he goes by, goon was faking being dad and fights him

he beats the guy off the train and goes on the final boos/.former  friend and grapples

after nearly being thrown out, he gets in and stops the trainbut the othe rtrain is comming

he puts then train in reverse even though it ashould take a while for momentum to stop and he gets the train going backwards as the other train stops and this one reverses

this feels like it could have been in a silent film

so he brings in jim who i think was executed and blonde is ok as its only 1 bullet and ahes in the 1800s like teddy roosevelt and now hes going back but gets the girl

the end

That was pretty good

good story and acting

The music is nice and the filming and pascing is good

good flow and no drag and iits got nice color and effects

Good action and the story surprised me

For Rails Into Laramie 2 I want the goon who fell off the train to team up with the wife of the jim and try to take out the main guy of the 1st movie, they get a buncha guys across the area who he p-ssed off to unite and aTTACK and he's gotta take em on, 1 at a time, in various brawls, untul he faces the goon who now has a metal hand from the damage it took from the gun being shotr outta it,m and the wife who's gotten into roids and is now all hulked out, Also its a 32/64 bit Fighting game on Sega Saturn, N64, PS1 and 3DO where you play as Main guy or his blonce woman who's also on roids and beefed out, and yuou fightr in a Story Mode against a series of matches againstr the enemies, or a Free M<ode where you platy as anyone and fight the others.

Major Dundee Review

 Noite: I spell major bad

Major Dundee

This is my review on ?Majoy dundee from  the distant fiture year (to POresident Jefferson Davis) of 1965

Its dirtectwed by Sam Peckinpah wwho did nothing I ssaw

it stars awesome charlton heston from ZBen Hurm, Planet of the Ap[es, The Ten Commandments, Soylenbt Green, Touch of Evil, The Greatest Story Ever Told, Beneath the Planet of the Apes, The Omega Man, ddisneys Hercules, Armageddon, The tim burton Planet of the Apes and the commie propaganda Bowling for Columbine, Richard Harris from The Bible: In The Beginning/Unforgiven/The Wild Geese/Smilla's Sense of Snow/Grizzly Falls/Gladiator/Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone/The Count of Monte Cristo/Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets, Jim Hutton from The Green Berets, James Coburn ffrom Monsters Inc/The Nutty Professor/Maverick/Hudson Hawk, Michael Anderson Jr from Logan's Run, Mario Adforf from Smilla's Sense of Snow, Brock Peters from the 90s Batman/The Pirates of Dark Water/Star Trek VI: The Undiscovered Country/Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home/To Kill a Mockingbird, Warren Oates from The Rise and Fall of Legs Diamond/Blue Thunder, Ben Johnson from The Outlaw/Red River/Mighty Joe Young/Shane/One-Eyed Jacks/Hang 'Em High/Chisum/The Last Picture Show/The Town That Dreaded Sundown/The Swarm/Red Dawn/Angels in the Outfield, R G Armstrong from Children of the Corn 01/Predator 01. L. Q. Jones from Hang Em High, Slim Pickens from One-Eyed Jacks/Dr. Strangelove/Blazing Saddles/The Swarm, Dub Taylor from Mr. Smith Goes to Washington/THEM!/The 50s a star iis born/Bonnie and Clyde/The Shakiest Gun in the West/Back to the Future Part III/Maverick/Twilight Zone, John Davis Chandler from Moon of the Wolf/The Outlaw Josey Wales, Karl Swenson from Judgment at Nuremberg/How the West Was Won/The Birds/The Sword in the Stone, Albert Carrier from Cleopatra Jones/Scarface, Michael Pate from Julius Caesar/Hondo/McLintock!/the 60s Batman, Enrique Lucero from Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid, and many meexicans and 1900s guys i bnnever heard of

I never saw this but its over 2 hours and some cuts have an extra few mins

ew its super widescreen, but well colored

so in the end of the civil war, indians looted an area 3x as big as texas and 1 group of soldiers as wasted by indians, but 1 survivporcame througgh it

then title and credits to upbeat music as the town the indians attacked burns

charlton moses heston comes in with his horses and men on em and 1 guy is missing half an arm

they come to the burned toiwn after the invid got it and 1 new guy sez he dont know if the ndians iced the kids, or took em to devolve into their warriors

they find a guy offscreen they hope was dead when they did it to hum but if he was they wouldnt have done it

i assume he's inside out and his guts are spelled in words as a message

so then moses goes to get men to fight the indians and tewlls em its hard and f'd but they'd get pardons and paroles, but if they desert he'd ice em

oh its the confederates and some  would rather stay in jail than work for the commie soviet union

moses sez these confederatyes are gonna be triualed for murder as the guard thety clubbed bit it

after an offscrteen trial they are found guuil;ty as its TOTALLY fair and inbiased wit the enemy controling the court, and they'd get da noose

mosrshas all but the blonde guy sent out and its shown they were fruiends abnd moses voted against him for icing another officer in a duel

moses is from da south but betrayed the protoculture to side wit the unionityes and blonde blames heston for goping against him

slim pickens is hired as a horse theif and aftyer much interviews of malcomntents, heston gets a few on his teem

1 co worker sez heston sent to here was dicipline and he shouldnt go after the indians to save te kids as they;'d goi to soviet mexico where the frenchies are

heston is gonna bring 10 men and confederate prisoners and weites a note saying he acxcepts all responsibility for it, also he was in gettysberg but it f'd out

this base is a prison or w/e and he meets with a lower rank soldier and gives him a list of weapons to get but styops him and tells him where to get em

so some horses and men go out and get an a55 load of guns and ammo as this is America! We are the Powwer!

So 100 inmates volunteered and they took 6 and made gallows for the coinfederates found "guilty" at a trial

heston hired cowboys drifters ad drunks as he didnt get many confederates to sign on

tthats who you want, drunks and malcontents, you can trust em

heston talks with a preist about how he wants to smite the wicked insatead of save the heethan and we geta scene of a guy grinding a cigar into the ground with his bare foot

some black guys volunteer after doing cleaning and labor for a while

heston comes in and slugs out blonde for having negotiations to work with heston and vows to hanng him, but blonde slugs ben hur out and they agree to work together to stop the induians

like the autobots and decepticons teaming up to fight unicron

btw, despite beuing a confederate, blonde has a brittisash accent

and unlike disnbey movies, hes not the bad guy

so ten some guy comes by and sez where in mexico the apache indians went and oh its 1 arm, and hew has 2 indians with him who are probably 80% White who want revenge on the indian leader for saying he couldnt be trusted and didnt bring him on a raid

so to counter that, hes gonna betrayy and murdser him, makes sense

so the troops and new guys learn their tools and animals, which ARE tools to be used by the Superior Humans to do with what we will

man we're 40 mins in with adds, that felt like nothing

by november 07 they were ready and blonde brit confederate looks like Errol Flynn with the moustache

ha they got a Snake Flag for Don't Tread On Me, These guys are cool

so they sing ZBible and 1800s Songs and after a montage of them going over places, they wonder if they can make it back

near da rio grande an indian with 1 arm comes back and tells em stuff and  they rude in

they go on and find confederates but hestron sez he knowws he has blondes wword so he wont join them and they move on

at night 1 southerner asks a black guy to take off his boots and says things bleeped out

they fight and the Confederate is beat by the priest after being knocked down

there's nearkly a brawel but blonde stops it and heston debates with blonde over who's right in what they do and their actys of blonde fighting for the south

blonde sez the higher ups made heston a jailer instead of a soldier for a reason and heston walks off

so they go on after the indians and 1 arm fights well against the indian on their side in a friuendly match

then theres a whistle and they put out da fires and bring in an indian who saez hes a peaceful apoacvhe

he sez hes gona help em and brings kids to emwho were being raised as indians, whuch i wionder if the left would hate or love as its cultural approprioation but whuites fightiung whites

1 guy suggests the indians are gonna take the kids back so hesrion gets siome guys to bring the kids to safety, then the rest go afdter the apache

so they go on and at night in a river these guys in the shadows sniper emlike an irishman from the grassy gnoll

the indians ride in and attaCK AND I THINK THEY WON, BUT I WAS LOOKING UP WHY kANYE WAS TRENDING AND ITS CUZ HES OUTING TYHE KARDASHIAN 5KANKS AND DONT WANT HIS KIDS DEVOLVED LIKE THEM

f u caps lock, suck kanytes ppoop filled d0ng from being in kims butt

so the americans and union soldiers dig a big pit and throw the dead in it, then sing a bible song

so they move on but the wounded might bit e it if they dont rest and we're 85 mins in so far with adds

they wind up in a sdesert wasteland area with skinny dogds and dry bones and mexican kids and people and its like violence jack or hokuto no ken

they come by this area with frenchies and the frenchies dont want em there as the frtench arer evolutionarily challenged and hate americans and yankees

1 chick sez the apache was there and they got nother for em, even women to b0ne

hwer husband was a dr like winrys rents in fma and they got little food ort supplies

heston or blonde used the cannon to blow the base and they wiill take food and give it toio the people and solfdiwrs

like with moses taking grain for the pagan gopds to feed the hebrew slaves?

moses 2 electric boogaloo

so heston gives away food and horsdes to the peope, to help em and the women help treat their wounds

heston tallks with blonde about how he wants his men drubk and men to run off as the frenchies are gonna attack, but he is gonna copunter and take em for it

the perople dance and cleebrate being freed from frenchie filth like canada wishes it could be and they eat various animals

heston recognizes something about the chick and blonde goes off to try to b0ne her

man that blonde is like a foot taller than all these mexicoes

its like going to Japan with all the 4'9 chicks

heston dances with chick and a soldier sez they need more guards at the french jkail and he wants to dance with chick, which he does as hes drunk

after da party richter, heston moses ben hur soilet green omega man  sees chick and she sez bye and goes on about ditching her disapproving fam for her husband and now has no one here

remember the progidal son? He came back, you could too

they make out and he rieds off then in town he tells off a bugel boy for b0nign a chick instaed of doing army cr-p

in the real version they were b0ning

this IS the real version!

so hesten and men ride out and he lets the frenchies escape and sent some guys out as a decoy as the frenchies went back to their group

so the frenchies come by and in a distance the humans watch

then its night or what they want us to thuink is night by tinting the film darker and the humansd come by and jack the frenchie horses

but gunfire happens and the frenchies scramble

days later, the frenchies figured out they were chasing a 1 arm and an apache traitor and the humans were safe from the frencheis

the humans were swimming in a waterfall and pool below it and word gets back the frenchies attacked the village the hgumans freed from them

later a man desserts and took some supplies to keep himself alive

heston wants him back but 1 arm sez he wont as its not what he signed on for so blonde goes after him

gheston might torture or executre the man but blonde sez heston wont

days later they bring back the escapee and find the chick, b0ning giel and kids who escaped the village

the escaped guy said he went out to help the village and weasn't desserting

heston donty believe him and orders him executed but blonde says to let him handle it

heston wont have it and orders to have a firing squad chosen from unionites

blonde sez he  cant help him and is sorry and man belonged to heston and not him

blonde sez he's gonna kill heston and i gotta say,m its not the worst thing as he plays a bad guy here

as man goes on about how heston will burn for this, blonde caps him so the Americans wouldnt be vengeful against the unionites

so the camp is geting rough and suspect and chick talks with heston about how we all died a bit with the boy

she wants a free life with him and they amke out they swim nakedlike in planet of the apes but we dont see his a55

he suggests she comes to live with him in america and an indian attack and gets an arrow in hestons leg but blonde gets him

heston needs medical attention and the arrow is close to the key point and blonde wants to take over the command and tells off heston for his actions and chick for bein a 5kank

so heston goes to the mexico town under french rule and gets hsi leg treated but need 7 days to walk and 12 to riude but hes gonna dfom it sooner

chick goes in toi tell him to be careful and to get out and i think there was another chick in there so she thinks they were gonna b0ne

heston goes backandon the trip is in the slups of mexico and blonde finds him and wants to end him himselklf

to get heston out oif a bar w/o suspician, blonde starts a fight with him and the area is under attack by the humans

blonde is gonna get heston out but he doint wanna go and blonde sez hestons not weorth wacking and leaves

heston goes out and meets blonde as they get on horses and vows to end the apache menace

so heston gets back to his group and flees the frenchies anfd chases the apache

later its night but really tinted day and the apache attack under the fake night and 1 arm caps a guy and the shot wakes up the americans

its a desparate battle aND the americans win and end the amache leader

now they got no common enemy and might go at it, but the frenchies are coming

they go for the rivber into Texas but the frenchies block their way so they use the cannon like its the main gun in robotech or the wave motion gun in starblazers

the frecnhies charge but as they are french and have no napoleon to save their candya55es, they get busted by cannon fire and guunfire as they cross the river

eventually they getta cross and battle and the frenchie who corssed fall

imagine if this was made today and theyn showed a cannon shot blowing apart or through a horse and or man

so the humaNS CHARGE THE FRENCHIES IN THE RIVER AND blonde gets capped by a frenchie and riedes in to fight and die against the frencheis like hes Nathan Bedford Forrest

i guess hhe figgered he was already dead and went out fighting, even though he could have been saved depending on the billet hole

so they go back to america after beatiing the frenchies

the end

that was pretty good

heston was a harda55 but not hateable

good drame and music and filming

good action and acting

its like 2 hours but dont feel it and has goof flow and no drag

it shows a good story that i;'m told is like moby dick

i liked it and heston does a bada55 show of being tough and manly

oh yeah, and its probably not connected to crocodile dundee

For Major Dundee 2 i want him to be punished for going off on his chase of the apache by sending him to the outskirtd of america, but there he faces a WERE SASQUATCH THATS A GUY who was into the black arts and dvolved byn it and now roams around feeding on people, also its a 128 bit survival horror game on sega dreamcast, gamecube,, ps2 and xbox where you play as heston and go around the forest and ruined towns and caves and try to take it out while evading it when you arer getting morte ammo.

Outside The Law Review

 Note: I spell leegal but not illegal

Outside The Lat

This is my review on Outside The Law from the distant futeure year (To Ben Hur) of 1920(100 years beforre Transsdormers Victory I meabn Super God Masterfirce)

Its directed by Toddd Browning who did The Devil Doll, Mark of the Vampire, Freaks, Draculas, West Of Zanzibar, The Unknown, The Show, The Blackbird, The Unholy Three,White Tiger, The Wicked Darling, and is kind of the 20s Tim Burton

It stars Priscilla Dean from The Wicked Darling/White Tiger, Lon Chaney from The Unholy Three (both versions)/West of Zanzibar/Laugh, Clown, Laugh/Mockery/The Unknown/Mr. Wu/The Blackbird//The Phantom of the Opera/The Monster/He Who Gets Slapped/The Hunchback of Notre Dame/The Shock/Oliver Twist/Flesh and Blood/The Ace of Hearts/The Penalty/The Wicked Darling, Ralph Lewis from Thhe Avenging Conscience/The Birth Of A Nation/Intolerance/Flesh and Blood/The 20s Dante's Inferno/Abraham Lincoln, E. Alyn Warren from The Trail of '98/Son of the Gods/Abraham Lincoln/The Hatchet Man/The Mask of Fu Manchu/The Devil-Doll/Gone with the Wind, John George from The Unknown/Scaramouche/The Prisoner of Zenda, Anna May Wong from The Theif of bag daxd/The Toll of the Sea, and some 1800s ddes i never saw in anytrhing

I never saw this but Lon Chaney and Todd Browing are usually a good mix

So affter title and creditys we get a book on The Saying of confucious and 1 quote sez; if a country has only good rulers for a century, ciime anthe death penalty can end

too bad ewe keep electing deviants and monsters like the marquis de sade jr in canada

then it sez in chinatown in san fran aids the asians and followers of confusious are coming in

what about buddhists?

so chang low is a popular guy in town and silent madden is an ex crime lord whos turning good from changs teachings

also his daughter molly is called silky moll and jokes if he keeps turning good, his gambling house will be a sunday school

theres a crook called black mike played by lon chaney whos probaly gonna sacrifice himself to save the chick if this is like 90% of all other  lon chaney films

and dapper bill whos his homie and black mike or bm wants to frame madden so his daughter will be his after going against the law

hes gonna have then hgang open fire when madden goes out and they get up and leave

wing, played by lon chaney in make up, is changs other disciple and madden 95 goes out for a show and wing followews

out there wiing sees something and bm and his droogs go in a building but 1 goes out

wing, wait, its not wing, its a droog, goes into a gambling area, or game corner on modern pokemon, and sez the druggist wants to see him, and the druggist is mr simmons, like in hey arnold

wing tries to get in a fenced off area and as maadden goes by, a guy caps him in the shoulder but wing helps hiom escape in the gunfire fight all over the street thatr broke out

bm caps a cop anbd sends a minioon with it out and madden 89 gets back to changs place

eventually, the cops come and take out the remaining gunmen

madden sez a fight started when he came out anbd a stray bullet got him

minioon throws the gun in a place and gets the cops to lookand sends em too changs place

the cops accuse madden 97 for capping the cop as they have a witness

bbm sez when she learns her dad wwas framed she'd go bad and chick gets b--chy over chang's lifestyle not saving dad

chang sez its not over and madden gets 8 months as they didsnt have enough evidence for life

so later bm is gonna pull a jewel heist like reoyge the bat and get chick in on it

i think she consents and goes offf but bms homie dont like doublecrossing her

bm sez he hates her and wants her and dad to get f'd

chang tells cop that madden is innocent and proson will make him devolve into anger abnd hate but cop sez therey run a clean operation at the force

chang bashes the sysatem fior using man made laws to punish the innocent()Whiuch if you check history, Thou Shalt Not Murder was from The Lord in Both Exoduss and Noah, not man mmade)

so bms homie goes to see chicxk daughter and sez the deals off and he';s bnot doing the heist

also he sez bm framed her dad and wwas gonna frame her whjile he gets da jewels

but bm is tallking with the cop about how chick and a guy are gonna do something, wwait, its madden and her were gonna do it b4 he was caught

also he sez chick tried to f him up, meanwhile, homie sezhow bm was gonna ditch her and let the cops get her while hoomie gets off thjrough da garden

chick wants to do the heist but not go out the dooor abnd havbe vbm explain why shges not there

cop sez thers a reception on thats using a pro agency for protectyion, and he wants to catch her when sge comes out and sshow the pro agency whos da best

homie sez to chick to hide out in another place and he'd come later annd put da jewels in a renmted car

then in this mansion is a party and it looks like the addams family house withg the main hall stairs

chick is there in a fancy fur and so is homie and theys gon jacvk da joolz

so homie introduces ther homne owner to chick as his sister and chick and homer talk until homie uses a rag on his mouth to k o him(i think it had drugs)

jomie gets da sasfe behind a wall carpety and chick is lookout but sdomeone comes so she stands there for a bit until homie gets da joolz

its da butler and she chats with him as homie leaves, wait, that wasnty him, and homie closes da safe but i think cop saw through the window

so they walk around and by thre fountain and 1 guy asks da buitler about home owners neive but butler sez homioe and chick artre stranfgers and  1 guy looks arounbd and finds homer k o ed with a s,elly rag

chick and jomie get to a car and go off abnd change cl.othes then hide out for a while in a rtented apartment

homie ghets tired of being cooped up in there and tyhinbks its like jail

u could work out and get ripped

he sees a blonde kid in sa neighbnpors window and weants to make him a kite after talking to him buit chiock sez she told him not to let him in

kid comews by andhas fun with homie but chick is kinda b--cxxhy about it

elsewhere someone, i think bms droog, is b--ching about hoe the heroes cheeted hiom and he wants the jewels and revenge

at a meetimng, droog\, chanfg and cop are there and droog sez he drove the heroes to a corner but thats all he knows

the cops wanna check da area and kid and homie maske a kite and lean out da window buitchick b--ches at him fore doing something that might let da cops see em

btw; kid goes to a neifghbors place?  cant have that today! vpeopler fear someone mighjt b0ne em!

kid goes and homie thinks he otta marry chick and breed with her but she thinks da kid will be a croook

hopmie sez they wertent born crooks but she thinks a kid of crookas will be 1

so months later and neither has different hair and they are getting tired of being in that place

homie wants to return da jools but chick sez no and dont let da kid in anymore

homie goos oot and chsang taslks with cop about hoew if u break dsa law, u gotta pay

chang asks if they return das jools will he drop da charges? and cop mouths yesd

chick hears da door knob turn and gets her gun ready but its da kid with a bunchsa dogs

she instinctivlt fires a shot and ir blows off half the kids head in a splattery burst

jk really she holds her fire and goesx to see the dogs and the kid gets the gun and plays with it

she ghets mad asnd takes it and kid crys and higs herr and shes a sourpuss over it

what is she? a fewminist?

well; kid's hug wins her over and she turns happy and drys his tears and kisses his lips

well, this IS soviet california, they accept other orientations

cop looks around and asks about new tenants but finbds jack sh-t

homie returns and sees kid is happy and so is chick and eventually the mom comesd for the son and he goes with his many dogs

wife sez dads a dick (detective in the 20s) and likes haVINg his kid come home to him

chick worries that wife will describe them to her husband but admits the innocent love of a child in wonderful

chang talks with asiasn chicks and homie wants to snd back da jools but chick sez they need money to relu in

homie sez if they keep em, they'll be in fear of getting caught and after some bickering,sees a shadfowe of a crtosas on da floor and realizes she needs to go straight

theres a cross over the window area and moving and i think its the kite that got f'd

droog and gm talk about something and later chick and homie go out and hid the jools in da plant

he gets em and sez when they see em giving it back they';ll know they went straight andf vhang will help

as they go out, bm is there and homie sez he was about to see him

bm looks like the joker with his grin and they all have hands in pockets with guns probably and its a stand off

the fuse is lit, we only need wait for it to blow

lon bm looks around and asks where homie sleeps and calls homie bill as i guess he's dapper bill and i didnt notice

homier sez he has a room across da hall and takes him to see it

chick hides da jools in da pot plant and bm frills homie bill where the jools are

home sez he wantsa to know too and has been trying to find out where shre put em for months as the cops are after em

he clasims the guy in the hosue weas onto him and he gave her the jools and she ditched him but he tailed her here

homie sez she hid da jools somewherre b4 moving in here and then later its night and chick was freacked out from bm's men utside and no word from homie

she goes to bed and we see her in 1800s undies and homie tells bm to send his goons home so da cops dont catch em

bm whos smoking which killed lon chaney goes out to tell da guys to hide but goes back up da stairs and picks da lock on chicks room

he sneaks in as she fakes sleep and homie comes by and knocks

she puts on a see through scarf over her shoulders and sees lon chaney fighting homie

lon gets slugged but pulls a gun and when nbilly pulls his, lon sez he unloaded it b4

billy throws the gun and lon dux and it busts da window, then they fight

lon is gonna knife billy as i guess it wasnt a gun but chick stops him and he sez 1 is lying and wantys to know who

someones at da door and lon sez its da biulls and they scramble but lon gets a gun and sez the cops line was a lie

lon makes billy get the jools and a guy comes to da door

chick gets a gun and sez they gotta stick together to get outbilly opens da door and chik has a gun and so does lon and they open it and i think madden 98 is there with a gun

lon puts dowen his weapon as maybe madden, wait i think its a cop, sez he can outspeed lon but then homie gets the gun and aims at lon and chick has this guy at gunpoint

chick gets da jools and homie is duel weilding guns and after getting a coat, goes with homie

lon and this guy spazz out and the film quality goes to h=ll but i think they fight 

so madden 91 comes outta prison angry as he was rpobably butt hammered and chang sez to fugget a bout it

chick reuniters with dad madden and reveals blackie framed him and wing i mean bilyl sez its true

billy sez blackie is gonna do 20 years and he dont gotta worry buit outsdide is some guys

chick confesses she jacked jools and is gonna return em as chang is right and then nilly pulls a gun to stop adeed from taking enm

chick sez hes protecting him from himself and the guys sneaking around are lon and friendfs

they get in changs place and are in an upper level and wiing sees em

wing raises his hand and disintegrates them in a blast of ki as they scream "noooooooooooo!" and crumble to dust

jk really long and friends bust in and have guns and tajkes the jools but wing bangs a gong and then all h=ll breaks loose and guys fight and grapple

i think da cops come and lon is getting away, wait, no hes fighting homie ad other guys trey toi escape

wing snipers a guy on the uipper level and chick fights a guy an tries to get her dad out

chang sez the jewles are returnewd of their own free will and now cop has to keep the promice not to procecute

i think a section is missing

blackie mike is in h e double soviet french canada and cop lets billy and molly go as chaing got em straight

chang sez the path to happpiness is through suffering and sacrifive and once attained, to be tresaaured like a 1stborn

The End

that was quite good

Great acting, esp by chaney but precilla wasa quite expressive too

Good action and story

good themes and meaning, like how the guy helping the kids kite lead to the girl turning good

nice filming and style

todd browning does it again

and both characters by chaNEY were great anbd opposites

Like Peter Cullen doing Venjor and Optumus Prime

Oh and its only like 75 mins

For Outside The Law 2 I want it to be revealed that blackk mike survived and faked his end by blowing off another guys face and putting his clothes on him, Also he's wounded and works to rebuild his body with Edison Tech with gears and Springs and Steam, But Billy and Milly I mean Molly and Madden have trained in Changs ways and know know Super Kung Fu. Also black mike has his crime empiure attack and as Wing and Chang are out viusiting family in asia, its up to Billy Masdden and Molly to beat em down, leading to a final battle with Cyborg Steam Punk black mike, Its also a 16 bit beat em up on Sega Genesis, Snes, TG16, GBA and Atari Jaguar with Molly is fast, Madden is Strongh and Billy iis Balenced and they go through a 20s city and beat guys up.

Uncle Tom's Cabin Review

 Note: I spewll like Tommy Wiseau

Uncle Tom's Cabin

This is my review on Uncle Tom's Cabin from the distant future year (To Uncle Tom) of 1927(1100 years  before Metrppolis)

Its based on a book from the 1800s meeant to make slavery look bad, sorta like the Pro Life Film Unplanned, that my dad read me the Classics Illustrated Comic of in the 90s

I saw the last few mins of this on TCM years ago but not da hole thing

Its directed hy Harry A. Pollard who did nothing I saw

It stars Arthur Edmund Carewe from the 20s 10 commandments/The Phantom of the Opera/Torrent and the 30s Doctor X, George Siegmann from The Avenging Conscience/The Birth of a Nation/Intolerance/ the 20s Oliver Twist/Scaramouche/The Man Who Laughs/The King of Kings/The Red Mill. Virginia Grey from The Great Ziegfeld, Lassie Lou Ahern froom Gasliight, Lucien Littlefield from Rasputin and the Empress, Jack Mower from Mr. Deeds Goes to Town/They Made Me a Criminal/Santa Fe Trail/Sergeant York/The Maltese Falcon/Yankee Doodle Dandy/Mildred Pierce/Thunder Over the Plains/Calamity Jane/the 50s A Star Is Born, Gertrude Astor from The Wicked Darling/The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance, Matthew Beard Jr. from Captain Blood, Louise Beavers from The Jackie Robinson Story, Francis Ford from Abraham Lincoln\Frankenstein/Stagecoach/The Grapes of Wrath/The Ox-Bow Incident/The Lawless Breed, Eugene Jackson from The Thief of Bag dad/ the 91 The Addams Family, Carla Laemmle ffrom the 30s Dracula/the 20s The Phantom of the Opera, Nelson McDowell from the 20s Oliver Twist, Rolfe Sedan from The Conquering Power/Flesh and the Devil/Young Frankenstein/The Wizard of Oz/Gentlemen Prefer Blondes/Two-Faced Woman, Madame Sul-Te-Wan from Mighty Joe Young/Black Moon/King Kong/The Birth of a Nation/Intolerance/Tarzan of the Apes, Dick Sutherland from Grandma's Boy/The Viking, Clarence Wilson ffrom The Penalty/the 20s The Hunchback of Notre Dame/20,000 Years in Sing Sing/Rasputin and the Empress/Son of Kong/the 30s The Count of Monte Cristo/the 30s A Star Is Born/Son of Frankenstein, anbd a buncha 1800s dudes I never heard of

Its said to have been inspired by aactual events, but 1 souce says thar when Thomas Dixon saw a play of it, he found it so inaccurate, he wrote the books that becamev The Birth Of A Nation

So after Title and Creditrs we get a photo/quote from Robert E Lee saying he don't like Slavery

So looks like The Confederates were more than justr slave owners rights

Like Ben FraNKLIN IN 1776

so its 1856 and in Kentucky is this fam the shelbys who were there since the revolution

they have a gaye olde timee of 1800s fun riding horses AND PLAYEING CROW Kay and having a party for a slave being married

they had this el;iza girl since she was a aby and see her as pasrt of the famioly

thuis  chixcj asks a little bllack girl names salome, after te bible villian, where the kids are and thet jump put and dance singing of the chick, eliza being married

the shelby rents were kind owners and southern gentle folke and this groom is a slasve rented to the shelbys by thge month

sorta like the hollywood studfio system renting out actors?

btw; my grandpa was a slave in 1940s poland, worked on a farm for a poor german fam

a cart of watermellons goes by and 1 goes off and these kids eaty it

shelbys note is due and he sent tom to cincinnati for the money and tom halleyt (2 toms Tom Tom?? The Crow??)  sez uncle tom wont come back as he went to a free state

so eliza and geoege are gettiing married and the slaves say they are almost like Whites, whuixch thwy are played by em and look sorta italiano or portovbuese

so then its night and everyones parttying and dancing and uncle tom comes by

his famn had been withg the shelby's fdor 3 generatiuons abnd he brought thwe money for his owner

tom haley is surprized that uncle toim camew back and uncle tom gos to his cabin with his fam and gives his mom a pipe

ed harris the owner of george comes by to get george and george is in a tree with eliza wanting to buy his freedom and come for her

jarris i mean harris yells for george and is mad geoege married w/o harris's consent and slugs him

george neartly attacks his owner and some chick, wait its shelby wife, wants him to be nicer and offers to buy george

harris sez george aint for sale and pullsgeorge awau while george is making out with eliza and they go

so  time skip years later and george has a young son and eliza is writing on a chalk board with a chick lettes and sh-t

tom haley loaned money to the shelbys over da years and now he wants uncle tom as payment

shelby seez a guy running across the snow area and to the slave house and its boy george who eliza lets in ther window

wait, i think the girl is the son and has long hair

george is running away from his owner and hugs his gilry son who then goes out

turns out his owner is making him marrty another slave tonight and he dont consent

is this like joseph not consenting to the guys woman trying to seduce him as he knew it was a sin?

son goes to see shelby man and hus name is called jim crow and does a little dance for them

george is gonna run off to soviet canada and work to earn her freedom

After the war, my grandpa went to anada and earned enough money to bring his wife and son fom slovenia as the commies took over  and were gonna execute him for goiung against em

so shelby relents and sells  uncle tom to tom haley but it dont cover the while debt

geroge wants to have eliza buy their sons freedom 1st and she sez shelby will never sell him but thom hardy wants to buy the son and sez he'd foreclose in his account if he dont

george goes off and when eliza comes in she hears shelby say he has no choice and now thim gets both tom and son

tom haily checks out eliza as she goes off wiith her son and holds him and in toms cabin, tom is glad the Lord gave him so much good

A Fasmily, Food, A home, Friends

nowadays people have far more and are less happy

eliza busts in and tells tom that shelby sold her son and tom and tom is in shock

you wa shock!

she wants to escape but tom has a sense of duty and won't leave

she runs off in the snow and tommy h is displeased and has trackers with dogs searching

wait its harris with the dogs and tracking his goeorge and they tgrailed him here

harris and haily team up like catwoman and penguin in batman returns and the shelbys hpope they are not caught by h and h

so the dogs are on the trail of eliza and she runs as the horses of h and h follow

rather than be caught, she throwes her kid off a waterfall to spare him the punishment of slavery

jk thats the victor seastrrom thing

really they find a cabit and go in and meet people

h and h come to a n ice river like way down east and decides that as no one can cross it, to stop at the inn for the night

and the ionn is the place the eliza went

she hears through the hdoor that they are looking for george and his fam and this lawyer there gives him a card but its ripped up

lawyer asks for 100 $ for the girl but as the girl belongs to shlby laywer can sell thge girl down the rivber

she hears em and escapes in the wuindow asop when they come in she's gone

they see da window and chase aFTER AND she gets to the water fall by the river of ice flows and jumps across them like a mario game

the dogs follow and fall in da water and she falls in but goes on

pphienas fletcher is a quaker from a free state on the side of the river and sees her and tells her to hurry cuz the falls are below

he hangs under a tree and grabs her as her ice flow is going over and they comehow climb up and escape

althopugh she's in a free state, the Dred Scott Ruling said slaves were still slaves even in free states, like how in the 70s the supreme court ruled the unborn had  noi rights, but worse as slaves can be freed and once you chop up that kid, its dead

phienas sez to eliza  her husnband cross da riuver and is heading for soviet canada butr she sees the lawyer in the window and he wants to sell her down the river for money

the cops come for em and it fades out to uncler toim beign sold down trhe river and put in chains 

augustine st claire of new orleans and his cousin ms ophelia are there and little eva is this blonde girl who is being nice to the slaves on the lower decks of the river steamer by giving em treats

she looks like a young lillian gish from the birth of a nationwith that dress and hair

she meets uncle tom and comforts him as he';s bummed and boy geoerge si working on the river steamer and searching for his womana nd child

he sees hardy and harris i think and tries to hide but hardy catches him and is gonna sell him back

but he jumps into rhe furnace of the river steamer as he'd rather be in h=ll than a slave

jk really he goes back to work on feeding logs to it

eliza and her son, whos called harry now, are chained and gonna be sold down the river on the steamer thats arriving

george runs and is by the warter wheel as it stops as the boatpulls in and swims out from it

eliza sees tom in chains and is drivcen onward by a whip after a meeting and little eva wants to have her dad buy him

lawyer and his whip man tell eliza haleys on board and if she ewants to keep her kid to stay low

evas dad augustine buys tom and he';s happy to have a kind master

whipo guy and lawyer and a 3rd guy are gonna, a plantationowner, are there and he buys eliza for 400 $, which was a lot in the 1800s

lawyer has whip guy use what looks liejm a ciugarete of t=mpon to lure the son over and as he comes, mon unconsciously grabsd his shoe and it comes off

son goes on and gets the t=mpon and they get him and take him off as he spazzes out

later mom wakes up and the plantation owner has left as the boat pulls in

kid breaks free and runs back and is caughtand she sees him and runs out

lawyser and whipo are there and she fights em and runs out onto the cart and grabs her kid but ius pulled off

she gets the whip and wails on whip guy but he overpowers her and the kid is taken off

so lincon is elected and the elites and the media hate him for being against their racket to prey on the innocent by saying they ain't REAL people

Totally not like Trump and The Unborn

in april 12 1861 friday; fort sumter is attacked and the civil war starts

but the uniuon was treating the south likwe Amnerica treats mexico and viewed them as lesser and worse

so little eva is brightening up toms life and he reads that lincon is gonna free the slaves

btw the book was wriotten in the 1850s and the movie moves it forward with things we know hap[pened later

;ike the 60s ver of The time Machine with WW1 and 2

meanwhile this black kid called topsy like hanks dads friend in king of the hill is jiding behind this nerd chick in thionk ms opfeila and ms o calls for him

wait, i think topsys a girl and brings flowers to little eva

man they made topsy looks ret-rded

so ms 0 calls topsy  who cartwheels over liek sportacuz and has a long ribbon hidden in her cllothes that ms o takes out like a clown or magician

topsy says she never saw it b4 and is shook by ms o for lying and more cr-p falls outta her clothes

no woonder she's ret-rded; sje got shook all night long

after some blurred vison from brain damage; she admits to stealing the gloves but denies the ribbit

then joyfully wants the whip, only to freak out when ms o whips her a55

augustine come sin and i mean comes in and sez to take care of topsy and topsy and eva sit and eva tries to get her to be good but topsy thinks its her skin that makes her bad

little eva sez she can be lobed if black and topsy thionks they cant be loved

so little eva saez she loves topsy and topsy cries at this friendship

its like degrassi but hetero

eva sez to be good as she might not be here long and topsy  freaks out

thern we see a glow around little eva;'s head like a halo of a saint

then topsy is powdering her face with make ip and ms o comes in and topsy sez she wanted to look White for little eva

then little eva bite sit and we see an etherial thing of an Angl carryoing out her soul inot the light and its pretty well done

later topsy brings her a flower and ms o catches her and topsy wishes to be dead too

ms o comforts the topsy and says she will love her and then augustine bites it and his property is sold at auction

simon legree, who was laster reused in birth of a nation, is a cruel yankee slave owner and buys tom

btw wwasnt there a war going on? is this like suddenly last summer in late 30s spain where a guy goes on vacation?

so simon buys i think elizza and meanwhile, boy george is looking for the guy whjo  owns his son

on legrees plantation, man it looks like a DUMP, simom slugs out a slave for spilling beer, did they have it in those bottles in the 1860s?

simon ttries to b0ne eliza and this slave cassy who's son was sold years ago is lkistening in anbd when simon goes to see her at da door, eliza gets awau

cassy dont want her place as taken by eliza and simon is gonna send her to the slave quarters but sahe sez simnons afraid of her

man simon looks devolved

so these 2 slaves get tom in trouble for prayimg, as i guess simon is a democrtat, and tell tom to whip cassy

btw; thats to a Republican President hated by the elites and media, The Courts have ruled that you can't fire someone for Praying

What kinda commie satanist fires someone for praying?! What next? arresting someone for not believing in obvious lies?

So tom dont consent to whipping her so simon slugs him and sez he owns tom, body and souil

tom sez simon owns his body but the soul belongs to The Lord

because of Toms faith; joss whedon simon has Tom whipped

themn the yankees attack tthe south, which is seen as a "good" thing, but its more like the Soviets attacking Getmanmy in WW2 sand raeping all the women

wait,m why are the people welcoming iun the tyankkees? i thought this was tthe south! This makes no sense!

then again; we have Americans hating on America and siding with the enemy

So as the slaves play music, cassy tends to Tom and Tom tries to help her heal from her pastt

cassy was taught to be Whitre but then theyy sold her baby to a man called shelby and sold her down the river

tom sez that's elizas story and shhelby was his master too and cassy realizes that eliuza is here as both got sold to the simeon

cassy goes to see simon as he creeps on her like woody allen on kid chichi from dragon ball and she thropws eliza on da floor

cassy saez elizas trying top steal her man and whips eliza but after chasing her inbto a room, and cllosding the door, locks it and says to eliza that shes her mom

theyu have a mother and hild reunion like that degrassi ep was called and simon comes to the door so cassy whips the area and her and eliza escape from the window

thet come to toms place and simon sees em and cassy sez simeon thinks his victimns gghosts hauint the attic so thet go up there

simeon asks tom where they went and slugs him when he dont tell as the union aRMYY approaches w/o any oif em knowing

then da weind blowes and simon hears soundds in da attic and tom sez its da ghosts

wait that wasnt tom as now they brought him in and simon is gonna wack him if he dont tell em where the women are

tom dont consent so they whip him offscreen, which meantr they're b0ning him in the reall version

so after the whipping, tom forgives themn and bites it and simon starts going nuts, and dtrinking then seeing toms ghost

which makes no sense as 1st: Tom is not vengeful, he's a good Christian whgo takes no revenge

2nd: The book ends with tom biting it, so this extra bit is all filler and non canon

3rd: There's no supernatural thing in the book, its like having a lAW AND oTder ep where it has McCoy blowing a hole in a  guy wioth a Ki Blast

4th; it goes against the theme of the book! ‫Its meant to show slavery as unfair, ending with the slave owner being punished is like ending romeo and juliette with them being revived and living happy

so simon goes up stairs after a see through possibly imaginaryyuncle tom and sees tthe attic wioth wind, so he sends him slaves up and wjhip[s em when they fear

so they go in and eventually find eliza and cassy, then the slaves run out in fear

the yankees comeand the slaves try to get help from em

cassy fights siimon ewoth a knife or pointed stick or somnething and sinon gets it but eliza hits him and cassy gets the whip aand wails on him

geoerge hears eliza calling andhe with his kid go up as simon gets the whiop and is gonna enmd em

thearmy is comming and somin sees tiom there anmd attacks him but he keeps vanishing

i think this is what star wars ep 008 the last jedi riopped poff

tom ghost is out a window and simnon walks out as he's an idiot and bites it

tthe army is all in there asthey have nothing better to do and elliza sees her son there and reuinites

boy geortge is there too and ttheyt hug and we get a vision of the union army above em as "His Triuth Is MarChing On" plays, wait, wasmn't thatr in Birth of a Nation?

the end

well, that was well made

yeahh it changed a lot,m but unlike bram stokers dracula, it wasnt a f==king p0rn0

it also skipped the thing of augustine wanting to free tom but getting iced and i think a part of top helping eva

liike the kevin smith he man; the focus isnt on the title character, but rather the female friend

except this didn't s=ck and the female character was likable and had heart

I'm not sure how accurate this was, but it didf show that masters could be kind, instead of showing anytone who owned a slave as some kind of devoluionized barbarian who is irredeemable

the filming and action werer well done and the acting was good

the characters stood out and you could twll who was who easy

nice effects for the blizzard and good shhost effects

its a decent version of the story and has themes that hold up today

hglad i saw it

for Uncle Tom's Cabin 2 I want it to be about eliza and her fam trying to manage in the world now that they are free and the issues they encounter, also its a 128 bit game on GameCube, Xbox, ps2 and DreamCast where  you play as menbers of the family and try to handle a farm like in Harvest Moon and deal weith things like regegade ex slaves and the klan

Hannie Caulder Review

 Note: I spell better than holen caulfield thinks

Hannie Caulder

This is my review on Hannie Caulder from the distant uture year (To Oda Nobunaga) on 1871(40 years beforte Transformers Seasion 4 and Robotechg Season 1)

Its directed by Burt Kennedy why did Support Your Local Sheriff!, Dirty Dingus Magee (Thje P0RN0?!), The Alamo: 13 Days to Glory and Suburban Commando

it stars Raquel Welch from Legally Blonde/Naked Gun 33+1⁄3: The Final Insult/butt f==king Myra Breckinridge/One Million Years B.C., Robert Culp fromn Robot Chicken/The Secret Files of the Spy Dogs/Conan the Adventurer/Spy Hard/The Pelican Brief/Highway to Heaven, Ernest Borgnine from SpongeBob SquarePants/Touched by an Angel/Pinky and the Brain/All Dogs Go to Heaven the show and the 2nd movie/Little House on the Prairie/Escape from New York/The Black Hole/The Dirty Dozen/Bad Day at Black Rock/From Here to Eternity, Jack Elam from The Night of the Grizzly/The Cockeyed Cowboys of Calico County/Dirty Dingus Magee(The ep of DBZ where Bacterian seduced android 18 and krillin watchged!!)/Suburban Commando/The Rifleman/The Twilight Zone, Strother Martin from Dick Van Dyke/The Twilight Zone/SSSSSSS/Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid/Cool Hand Luke/Showdown/The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance/Black Patch/A Star is Born/The Red Badge of Courage/The Asphalt Jungle, Christopher Lee from Lord of the Rinfgs/The Hobbit/Star Wars/Alice in Wonderland/Corpse Bride/Sleepy Hollow/The Stupids/Gremlins 2: The New Batch/Gremlins 2: The New Batch/The Last Unicorn/the Ham,mwer Dracula movies/The Last Unicorn/Hamlet/Captain Horatio Hornblower, the deviANT Diana Dors from Berserk, wait, she tuerned Catholic b4 biting it? Just like Shiro Ishii! Luis Barboo from The Wind and the Lion/Conan the Barbarian, Stephen Boyd from The Bible: In the Beginning.../Genghis Khan/the 50s Ben Hur, and some ghuys not on wikpesa

i saw some of this bit not the whole thing

So aftwer action music and an illisyration of raquwel tyo credits we get a town where these malcontents come intoon horses

they rob a bank and shoot the place up and a guy rings a bell but they cap him

the soldiers open fire  but cant hit for beans and the badds escape as the guards chase em

us thgis in soviet mexico? they otta nuke that cesspoole, those cartel monsters boiling people in acid and b0ning em dead

so the malcontents escape after a chase as their horses are a foot taller than the meixcan ones i guess and the punks stop to bicker

malcontent; shut yo a55!

lol good line

they go to carjack new horses as theirs are outta gas and they come to this farm and meet jummyy whos statiuoned there

the 3rd malcontent caps him and find his woman and b0ne her WOC with out consent

I think this is where Violence Jack OAV 3 h=lls wind got the idea

Maybe I Spit On Your Grave/.Day Of The Woman

 after the b0ning they torch the place and leave her to cook anbd leave but she gets out and sees her man with a hole in him

itys done w/o words and strong music like a silent film

after berrying him she goes around in a  poncho that shows off her tanned legs andf goes off with a rifle

she finds a busted place with a well and then a guy comes on a horse to it

that shot of raquel in the wastekland with the hair and poincho looks like a sci fi wastelanfd warrior thing

the guy comes to the well and she aims a gun at him but he wants water for his horses

he takes the gun, unloads it and returns it but i think shge knocks him out and takes his horse

on the horse she finds a bodyy and starts a fire and watches trhe knocked out guy

hungry, she takes a bite outta his leg and feeds on himn

jk really she checks him and takes his gun belt revolvers

she does target practivce and s-cked at it and he wakes up and backhands her for her acts

hes a bounty hunter and she wants to be taught how to use a firearm

he dont wanna i think and driinks water and she offers her a55 to him to teach her

she dont care if she bites it and wants revenge and he dont trust hewr and sez no

he gores off and she follows on foot and he gives her a hat and water, then sez no and goes on

she follows and hes putting bullets in his belt and she trys being nice but he still sez no

laster shes sleeping and having viet nam nightmares of the guys b0ning her and wakes uip screaming

he comforts her and finds it was 3 guys on her and they iced her husband

so da bad guys are b--ching at each other and 1 has a sore a55 leg from a gunshot and the soldiers come for them and they book it

so the bounty hunter givews raquel some clothes sand invites her to come to mexico to meet a gunsmith for her to be taught gun fu

they go to a town and he has her go clothes shopping and he goes to the salloon

nowadays that would be seen as "gender norms" as its normal

she takes a bath in a wood barrel and we see her stand up but shes in new pands

no bra and bare back buit no front no nips

she chats with da sherrif then goes to da salloon and wen she sez the guys name, thomas, the card players know him as thomas riley edwards i mean thomas luthor price and 1 triwes to cap him

tom takes him out and the signal f''d oiut on antenna tvcon grit but they meet sherrif andthomas getsa paid for the bounty

then we cut to a gunbfight in the wastelaNDS AND THE BAD GUYS ARE FIGHTING THE GUNS AND EACH OTHER

2 STAND UP BUT THE SHots miss and f u caps lock, get an aids needle in yo d0ng

so they escape and then we see raQUEL AND T L going to an empty place as he tells his storty

after the civil war when the gunmaker made guns for the confederates, he had to esacape to saoviet mexicoand now has a mexico wife and kids

They meet da gunman and then its day with tuunt to look like night and the bad guys are goiing mental over not having much food left

1 sez he b0ned a chicvk and the other sez hes lying and they bicker about cr-p more

eventually they decide to get dino might and attack a town

is this Robotech Battlecry? Are they Zentraedi?

meanwhile, raquel is getting along withj gumnmans kids by the sea at da beaCH AND GUNMAN TALKS WITH T L  about the gun foir her but hes checkng ioytr raquelk wqelcgh

DA  next dayt l gives her a stick with a rope and has her wind up the rope with a rock on it as some kinda kung fu training

he has her train til she does it 30 x then gets a bigger rok

then a training montage to mexico music as a gun is being hammered

push it to the limit

hearts on fire

theres no easy way out

we need a montage

so the  gun is tested with a fuse and unmanned and i think it works

a guy comes by and gunman gives him a firearm to fix and goos oof

hes in all black like a cowboy version of bleach

so the raqwel gun is dome and he tells her gun safety tips

then they put a clay pot on a cross and haVE HER train slow to draw so she know how to do it

she takes a shot and its missed and its 45 calibur

she takes more shots and misses all and later he tells her how shadows at different day timec maKE DISTANCE LOOK OFF

THENN GIVEES ADVICE LIKE "TAKE OIUT TGHE FASTEST GUY 1SAT" AND "AIM IN THE TORSO"

p off caps lock, stop f ing my sh-t

so later we hget soft miusic and raQULK AND T L WALKING THE beach

after more gun traiining she watches t l plauy with the gunmans kids and then a pack of horsemen come over

its a bunch of mexicans who talk with gunman  and t l goes to the house \

as gunmabn wwalks bback, t l openbs fire and guinman grabs a gun and takes some out

this juist went schwarzenegger

its a big a55 gun fiught and even raqwel joins in

a mexioco comes in behind her and she gets him 1x but freezes and t l has to finish him

the mexicos fl;ee and now they haave enough meat for for winter

jk; theres no winter in mexico

elsewhere the bads blow a safe in a town bank ANd it bvlows the money so they leave

so t l and ra qwel ride off as dows the 3 bads  to good music

tl and raeql come to a  fort and search for the 3 guys butfind jack sh-t

t l advises not to hiunt for em and forgive and she wont and he regrets helping her train as its ruining her

later tthe 3 emperors of sh-t come by and bicker and t l sees em

how would he know its them if he never saw em b4??

So t l edwards catches a guy hes after from behind and tellsd him to turn around slow

theres a 100$ Bounty on him and they are gonna go to the shgerrifs

one of the bads played by mermaid man throws a blade at him and he fires all in supoer slo mo

he gets a knife in the gut like raspiutin and she goes out to find him fall

the people take him to da dr and i think the guy he caught to take to sherrif was one of the 3

so t l is recovering in bed with rAquel by him and he wants her to promise not to go after em

b4 she answers he bites it and ashge goes out to da saloon for revenge

she finds where 1 is and goes up and finds him witrh a h00ker

she gives him as gun and sez shes hgonna icwe him and  they draw

she bloewws him out but takes a left arm shot b4  finishing him and he falls out da window and on a h00jer

she gets her armm fixed andsherrif gives her 100$ for da  bounty

the 2 remainders, who was his brothers, are at his grave and 1 stole a bibl;e

he finds the grave diggers are digging 2 more graves for em and they wanna ice her 1st

raquekl is gonna have a beer but 1 brother comes in with a shotgun and he recognizes her from the b0ning and jokes of it

he sez they're gonna  b0ne annd then he's off her head, probably to b0ne it, but she had a gun hidden in her arm sling and wastes him

sherrif sez to get outta town b4 someone innocent gets it but she sez he didnt mind the brothers

sherrif sez they wrrewnt sdhooting upo the place andshe goes off to the forty in the windy a55 desert

meremaid man gets p-ssed that shge paid for brothers sertvice an goes off to ice her after hearling where she is

if this were in modern times; the final battle would be in a factory

so he goes to da fioret to b0ne frank sinatra back to h e double italy

so he wanders around and theres some suspence as she lurks in the dusaty area and he searches foir her

no words,m like a silent film, epic

he sees her shadow and follows it and sees her climbing stasirs

he readys a knife and the black clad man shoots it outta his hand

shge recalls t l's words and caps him a ffew times

btw the black suit man saving her ansd she finisdhes the bad was ripped off by sailor moon wioth texedo masl

then she goes back with mermaid mans body on a horse and credits roll toi music

also thjis film was widescreen and colorted

the end

that was quite good

nice style and feel

good acting and filming

nic eediting and story

its like a silent film like how star wars or tim burton did things

raquel is like a go nagai chick; bada55 and strong but still feminine and cool

nowadays theyd make her a whiny feminist and she'd shave halfdd her head and dye the rest blue

its a lot like Violence Jack and shows how women starring films can be cool and likable

its well done and i had a good time watching it

for Hannie Caulder 2 I want her to go after a bounty and it takes her to mexico, she finds a pack of chupacabra and escapes to a trown nearby  where they prepare for the coming horde o those daemnons. Also its an 8 bit game on sega master system and game gear, atari lynbx and 7800, nes and gameboy and tg16 where you play as her and fire on chupaacabra with guns or use a blade built into your arm by thegun smith and battle em like Blade on GBC

Hard Target Review

 Note: I spell hard ly good

Hard Target

This is my review on  Hard Target from the distant future year (To The Czar) of 1993 (The byear Sonic CD Came Out)

Its directal by John Woo who did face/off and windtalkers

It stars the mondo cool Jean Claude Van Damme from Bloodsport/Kickboxer 01/Lionheart/Double Impact/Last Action Hero/Timecop/Street Fighter/Wake of Death/Universal Soldier: Day of Reckoning, Lance Henriksen from dog day afternoon/Close Encounters of the Third Kind/Damien: Omen II/ The Terminator 01/Aliens/Pumpkinhead/Alien 3/Super Mario Bros. the movie/The Quick and the Dead/disnerys Tarzan/Scream 03/Alien vs. Predator/Superman: Brainiac Attacks/Transformers: Animated/the 2012 Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Arnold Vosloo from 1492: Conquest of Paradise/Agent Cody Banks/Blood Diamond/the netflix Voltron: Legendary Defender, Yancy Butler from kick a55/Law & Order, Kasi Lemmons from The Silence of the Lambs (pix or it didnt happen)/Candyman 01, Chuck Pfarrer from Darkman 001/Red Planet, Willie C. Carpenter from mn in blck 001/Leprechaun: Back 2 tha Hood/The Wonder Years/Gotham/Blue Bloods/svu, Wilford Brimley from The China Syndrome/The Thing/Cocoon 01/Seinfeld, Sven-Ole Thorsen from Conan the Barbarian/Conan the Destroyer/Predator 01/The Running Man/Overboard/Twins/Ghostbusters 02/Total Recall/Abraxas, Guardian of the Universe/Terminator 2: Judgment Day/Death Becomes Her/Bram Stoker's Dracula/Last Action Hero/On Deadly Ground/The Quick and the Dead/Eraser/Jingle All the Way/Batman & Robin/George of the Jungle/End of Days/Gladiator/Collateral Damage/Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story/Collateral/Captain Power and the Soldiers of the Future/Baywatch, Jules Sylvesterfrom Bram Stoker's Dracula/1000 Ways to Die, Marco St. John from the GOOD Superman/Friday the 13th: A New Beginning/Thelma & Louise/The Butler/the 10s Roots, Ted Raimi frtom xena/The Evil Dead/Evil Dead II/Darkman 01/Candyman 001/Army of Darkness/Stuart Saves His Family/the GOOD Spider-Man movies from da 00s/The Grudge/Baywatch/ The GOOD hercules with Kevin Sorbo/Code Monkeys, and some guys not mentioned on wikipedia

i saw this b4 but its been a whileso after the 90s universal logo from ther land beforer time movies and credits. we see this guy in toe confederate area of the cajin lands trying to escape a guy firing metal arrows at him

he runs from bikers and a car with lance bean and lance sez if the guy is at da river he won and they cant let that happen

a sniper nails him with a gun that fires arrowes and fires at him with a bullet gun but he gets toi the bridge and falls in the wood and gets an arrow through ther torso

lance and his goons take an item in a poich he was carrying and wipe their showes on his face

then its day and this 90s chick drives into the area looking for her dad and finds he lost his job and left the place he was rentying

i blame the democrats as they were in charge in the 90s

she asks around and finds he was a hobo and we see jean claude eatiung cr-ppy gumbo with greasy stringy hair and paying with coins

chick comes by and has a bunch of bills and gets change to use a pay phone as in the 90s we didnt need cellphones and its cheaper than the phone and plan and data

he follows her, wait, no he goes out and some guys confront anf try to mug herand 1 backhands her btu jean claude comes up and kicks their a55es with slo mo

that was pretty cool and only took place over a few seconds but the slo mo made it longer

also the robbers saw her flashing her cash as she never saw that ep of COPS(central organization of police specialists, fighting crime, in a fiture time)

so the cops are on strike or something and chick goes to see the cops for a missing person repoort of her dad and her only photo is from 20 years ago when he dumped her mom

tuerns out; as hes a hobo, he cant be missing as theres no where to be missing from

secritery sez to find dad herself and get a local to show her around then we get bada55 90s electric guital like in the crow staIRWAY TGO HEAVEN

SO OJEAN CLAUDE GOES UP FOR  A JOB BUT THE POSITIONS ARE FILLED and she offers him 100 $ A DAY  and he turns it down as he just got the spot as a man of the sea for a while

turns out as the union owns things, he owes them money and he cant work untilk he pays, but he cant make money if he cant work, so he has a few days top make the money

typical unions, getting in the way of everythiing

if my kid was in the uniuon, i;'d carve confederate flags all over him!

so he goes to the chick and agrees to work for her for the money he needs but ne cant drive as he never has  aliscence

they talk and he sez his name is chance like jackie chan being chance jackson

she sez her dad was lettering to her or something and they go to this slum to talk with this black guy and get a clue that his tigern styripe sleeping bag was seen soimewhere

she looks through dad stuff andn  finds letters and photoes of them and her and i think p0rn0 art that the tbv versioin wont show that he sol for money

they check this guy who denies having dad work for him and smoking a cigar and this creepy guy comes in and jean claude has em leave

dshe wants to go back but jean claude sez work smarter not harder and this cop sez they founfd dads body

the secreitary sez they found him in a burned building and they used dental records to confirm him

so at night the ciugar guy whos a fat a55 gets bet up by lance and creepy guy and his ear lobe is circimsized weith scissions

its revealed cigar guiy hggired the worng guiy for the hunt and as dad had a family now people are looking

i kilnda feel bad for that load, hes so pitiful

creepy guy sez if he comes back hes cutting a steak, which i assume hes gonna eat

chick and jean claude talk about how dad didnt say he was a hobo as he didnt want her to worry

lance checks into jean claude and finds he threw his captain overboard for smuggling drugs and was waised in the bayou by his uncle liek frodo or liunk in the snes game

so hes a cajujn confederate america redneck swamper?

So in America: the ones of french ancestry evolved past their frenchness and became happy jolly Cajuns who are friendly and positive

yet in canada the frenchies were allowed to keep their protoculture which left them to devolve worse than Real frenchies in france and are now a bunch of malcontent, whiny, unbalanced, b==chy, evolutionarily challenged c=ck suckers who just sh=t on everything,

It seems that frenchness is a blight, as is their language and culture

they wanna hunt him and jc looks at the fire place and finds a dog tag with a hole in it

then creepy guy, wait, no its 2 punks, throw a noove on him and take a batr at him

unlike the guy from empire, this is happening and he gets beat up after gettuing in a few hits

he was arreested for crossing the polixcxe tape and he sez the dogtag on the body was 1 and they always come in 2's and he shows the other one and secretary orders a new autopsy

so so lance plays  piano to show how cuklturesd and refined he is as hes the bad guy and cigar guy witht eh erar bris meets with black guy who helped chickwho consents to be in the thing they say is a regular job

creepy guy meerts a rich guy who pays to hunt the black guy and lance sez he gives private cuitizens a chance to kill like the gov does

rich guy is told these are vol;unteers and they do it all over da wortld, ebevn Yugoslavia, which i assume is thew serbian partr as we slovenias are good boys

the rich hunting poors for fun? surpirtzed they are allowed to show this, might make people think the rich are into evil and harming the humans

so jc grills cigar guy over who is icing these people and jc sez to tell ther gaijin who he works for that jc is comming for him

secretary tells da autopsy guy to redo it on dad but he wortks for lance and burns the evidence

he tells the lance about the secretary and when lance finds he cant buy her, they are gonna skip town aftert 1 last bunt

dr hears a door knock and creepy guy fires a billet through the eye hole and into his headliem, da joker and the pencil

they wanna go to eastern eutope(aka the GOOD part, except the soviets and ukranians and bosinans and sebrs and, wait,are we the bad guys?)

so at the night the lance meets blkack guy and ghives him 10 000 $ and if he can make it to the river, he can be free

black guiy dont consent but lance tempsts him like the devil in the bible and he consents and getsa a 5 min head staertrr

black guy goes tyhrough a graveyard and rich guy triues to take him out wounds him

rich guy dont wanna finish him and isnt this squyid gamer? did they rip off a jean claude movie?

so black ghuy hghets the gun and shreds the rich guy and runs but runs and the lance ends rich guy who TOTALLY wont be missed by all his employees and fam and media

black guy runs into soempoeople and they ignore him as hes only sayiubnf help me instead of "hes trying to kill me"

he stands there and faces his end on his feet and is shredded by gunfire in front of others and as they used silencers, the guns made minor sound,

thats not how silebcers work!

they dont stoip ALL spound! might as well say "air brakes stop the jet in mid air" like a bugs bunny cartoon!

so jc sees the bnlack guy and cigar guy tries to skip town but creepy guy puts a shotgun to his head and makes like megaton on ironhide in the GOOD transformers movie!

so secerttaruy drives  chick andf jc to the cigar guy andthey see his busted car

they creepy guy and his goons come at weem with guns and secretarty egts capped

jc grabs the gun from her hand and caps a few and jumps a a car ood to cap the van as he wounds a driver and jumpo kicks a biker and gets a gun and he aND CHIOOCK LEAVE ICED SECRITARY WHO GOT CAPPED

JC HASD CHICK HOLE THE HANDLEBARS and he and a biiker machine gun at ewach other until the bad guy bites it ads i guess he has higher life

he jumps oiver as blowing bike and he drops off chick and drives it intoa  van, jumps over ity from the bike, lands on his feet, and fires on it

it aspliodes for no reason and i think he takes out another van, then her and chick jump on a moving train below em as lance tries to cap em but changes his mind like reses 2 in captain simian and the spACE MONKEYS

THEY PLAN 1 LAST HUNT AND creepy guy and the lance and goons go to the forreest and hunt for jc on his bayou turn

wait, its a buncha rich gusy paying 750 000 $ each to hunt jc

this is yturning into on deadly ground

so chick compalins hlw rough it is and he sez "if its tuff 4 us its tuff 4 em"

all these accent guys are good action heroes like arnld, stallone, jc and dolf

we need toimmy wiseau to do action films, he'd be cool

so he has chiock cloise her eyes and grabs a snake and knowcks it out with a tap,m then bites off its rattle as hes a bada55 cajun redneck and leaves it for the bads

so the bads come by and 1 guy pulls a tripwire and the snake falls on him and bites him, so the bads blow off da snakes head and leave bit guy toi die

then we see wilford brimly making whiskey and jc makes bird sounds to announce his comming himself

its his jllly redneck cajun uncle and hes dressed like super mario

btw cajun dont speak french, like in martin mysters how nova scotiamns dont sound lkike scotlanders

unlike real frenchies and canadian frenchies, the cajuns are Americans and have guns

wasnt this in youngblood how the main guy reunites with his father figure and gets help?

then jc goers off on a horse like hes napolean but not el italiano and the bads come by and shoot up the brimley shack

brimley is out with a BOWE AND ARROW AND fires right past lances head and hits the moonshine

kjt blowsd then hits the dino might and blows the house

he has moonshine, guns, arrows and dino might? what a redneck! i love ity!

then the bads are in a cjopper and find jc on horse a55 sndf fite at him

so did they go all the way back and get a chopper and went around for a while til they found him?

like a mongol warrior, jc take out a ghuy in da chipper from horseback and they cantg him him as they are moving n a cjhopper and jc is moving

thew horse gets it and jc goes on and the bikersd and chase jc through a factory as the chopper lands

as its GOTTA be in as factory

the bads come by in caRS INSTEAD OF CHOPPER FOR SOME REASON AND BRING AN A55 LOAD OF guns

jc hides behind a piller like a ninja and birds popp on the biker

he shreds the pidgeons and jc kicks a gas can at him and fires on it but it blows and throws the biker and bike outta the window, even though jc takes no damage being a few feet away

more guys come in and jc takes 1 more out and birds fly by in slo mo like in faCE/OFF

THERES ALL THESE MARDY GRAH CR-P THERE LOOKING LIKE some daemon temple or that place in the 00s fma and jc comes down on a swan item on a chain and j fks em

a guy blows the swaN WITH A grenade but jc jumps out b4 it hits and i hguess this is a video game so he take sno damaghe fromshrapnel

he punches a guy in ther helmet with his elbow and pulls the guys gun(even though the helmet should protect him) and wastes a guy by holding it upside sdown

wilform come sin and snipers a guy through a float in the neck

chick gets a gun and caps a guy coming at her and brimley mario takes it from her

jc swings from a rope like errol flynn and wilford sniprsa  guy about to end jc and chick throws him a gun and he wastes him

wuilform gets hit and then jc shreds more guys wuith gunfire and faces creepy guy on the other side of glass windows

they reload and talk on other sides of a wall like face/off and resume the fight

they ar eequally matched like kenshiro and hyoh and jc takes out morte guys as creepy guy throws a grenade at jc

jc jumps through the window as the grenade goers in and jc caps him and goes on to end more guys

lanced whines for his creepys guy as i guess they were b0ning and jc takes off his shirt to show his arms in a wife beater

hes pretty bnuff, betyter than teh stickbioys we got today

jc jumps ovewr the fire and caps him but he gets away and i think ends wilford

he has the chick captive and a blkade to her necxkso if he is capped the chicvk gets it

jc empties his gun with clicks and has a grenade in a hand

lance asks why he got incolved and jc sez poors get bored too\

he tells chick to load him asnd jkc runs and kciks him out b4 he can be capped

lance gets a fire stick bvut jxc grabs the burning log and remember all ujis homies who got it like its an anime

he breaks the stick, beats him olut, droppm s the grenade in bnis croptch, then sez: hun ting sea son, ees oh va" and kicks him out

lance pulls out the greanade and unlinks the plug, butn the sparks connect and it blows him to h e double soviet france

wilford brimpley is ok i think and jc and chick and him go off as the facroty burns as you GOTTA burn it!

the end!

thjat was bada55

action packed, good stunts, good bada55 jc, and good fights

jc is cool and smart and skilled and there's good editing and slo mo and camera work

woo does it again

lance is good at being evil and the creepy guy is pretty good

the blavck guy is good at being nice and the secxretary has a good journey from worker to friend

i liked it and its well mADE and quite cxool

jean claude is a pretty good asctor even when not perfect in his english

its a cool movie and makes good entertainment, with some subtle hints at lessons

plus the 1 rich guy not wanting to finish him shows there are good rich guys too

oh and da musik iz good

For Hard Target 2 I want jean claude to be on a boating thing and he encounters a ningen in the artic waters hes in and they gotta survivce its encounters, alkso irts a 15 bit sega genesis, snes, tg16 and gba game, oh and atari jaguar, where you gotta outlast the attacks of the ningen on the boat and find ways to keep it off with what itrems you have