Friday, August 26, 2016

The Mummy Review

Note; you love my bad typing. admit it
the mummy
this is my review on the mummy(the 30s ver)
it starts with miniatures and a pyramid that sez the title
the music is 30s at its best
it then has an image of a scroll about reviving the dead as with the pagan Egyptian gods
to be fair
I love yugioh so im used to this
and mummies alive
that was a good 90s show
I did a grade school project on ancient egyot basing most of it off that show
then we get some archeologists talking about some cr-p
get to the horror!
get to boris Karloff eating people!
they talk about a mummy who was buried alive
inhotep; the high priest
his coffin had the magic seals to protect the soul on its trip to the next world chipped off
they suggest he was b0ning the virgins
I should point out I never saw anty of the Brendan fraiser mummy movies
they show ep on the history channel for some reason
they just don't care
I'd love it if they showed the yugioh movie from 2004
they find a box that warns of a curse by a pagan god
the scientists dont care
but 1 guy does
they think in the box is a spell that raised a pagan god from the dead after he was chopped up and scattered
like exodia
this movie is a lot like yugioh
esp the 2004 movie; pyramid of light
 and this undead bada55 kills em
so 1 guy opens the box and takes out the scroll
ninja scroll
so outside the guy who warned them sez to hide the box
but the scientist don't care
he's not gonna be in the mummy 2
the box opener reads the scroll and the mummy awakens
good effects on the mummy
it looks real ish
he takes the scroll and leaves w/o being fully seen
the guy who opened the box starts laughing
its joker gas!
the other scientist comes back and is told "he went for a walk" about the mummy
theres a dusty handprint on the desk
they otta challenge him to a duel
and the winner gets to live
10 years later the scientists son is in Egypt and sez the lolling guy bit it
he lolled too much and as locked up
then bit it
then Karloff comes in as an Egyptian saying his kind aint allowed to dig their dead
but foreigners are ok
and he's gonna get em to a great find
imagine if they got yul brynner as the mummy
he was the pharaoh ramses in the 10 commandments
people complained about that
but omar shariff as dr zhivago was ok
later they dig some place
oh and the scientist from b4 who loved that land never wanted to come back
like they don't have monsters in England
the son finds a tomb untouched for 3700 years
3800 now
in this room with no one in it, Karloff looks at the mummy from the tomb
I think its his gf
then we get this white chick talking about how she don't like north Africa
some guys tell Karloff is closing time
but when they realize hes the one who got em this exhibit, they let him stay
the son and this other guy say that the museum in Egypt gets to keep the Egypt treasures cuyz of the agreement with Karloff
makes sense
later Karloff reads a spell and the white chick is entranced
she goes to the museum
on the cab ride shes chanting the spell he chants
this isn't really scary
well
maybe in the 30s
she cant get in the museum as its closed
then blacks out
she's brought back to this place geezer speaks to her in ancient Egypt talk
the night guards spot Karloff in the museum in the dark but he ices em
later the girl is awake and normal
she don't recall what happened
she talks with a guy and its revealed she's part Egyptian
he tells about raiding the tomb
it had toilet things in it
and he had the hots for the mummy girl/priestess in the tomb
then the geezer hears a guard bit it at the princess room in the museum
the guard has no signs o damage on him
and nothing was taken
they find the scroll
oh
turns out the geezer is the dad who was in the 1st part
he walks in on his son and the girl making out
I assume they were b0ning in the real version
the dad talks about how his assistant went nuts and had he translated the scroll so would he
one suggested burning the scroll but they dont
then Karloff comes into the girls room
he wonders if they met b4
but she sez no
but he knows shes egyptian
its like gaydar
you can sense it
the dad and friends come in to find the girl and the karloff
man, not much happens in this movie
they talk about what happened so far so every character is up to speed
the girl goes to rest
the dad talks with the Karloff about the scroll
he has a photo of the mummy as a mummy
the Karloff wants his scroll back
he knows that they cant kill him
he's got super powers
like n'kantu the living mummy from marvel comics
the Karloff sez they gotta give him the scroll or die
he leaves
why not pray?
isn't our God stronger than a black magic user?
when watching the guy bring out the hidden scroll(by watching I a pool of water like with garlic jr)
he kills him with a spell
then the mummy's slave (a mind wiped guy) gets the scroll
later the other scientists come in and think he burned the scroll and it iced him
but 1 guy looks through the ashes
later the guy sez the burned paper wasn't the scroll, but newspaper
he gives the son a charm of a pagan god and sez they must fight him with the gods he offended
also the son is in love with the girl
later the girl goes to the Karloff and he shows her the past in his magic looking pool
so its like in demon lord dante with medusa and ryo utsugi
Karloff and the girl were in love
but she bit it
like with Pegasus in yugioh
he steals the scroll and wants to revive her with it
this is all done in silent style with Karloff narrating
he's interrupted using the black magic and is buried alive
the scroll is put with him
now this movie is good
the slaves who worked on it were iced
then the soldiers who killed em were iced
Karloff sez she's the reincarnation of the princess and hes gonna ice the son for loving her
then he wakes her from her trance
later she returns and makes up some excuse
also the dog she was with bit it
good
dogs s-ck
she doesn't wanna remember what happened and the son comforts her as shes scared
I notice bam stokers Dracula ripped this off
only with more nude scenes and b0ning and cr-p
later she keeps bugging people to let her out
they don't listen cuz they know giving in to her desires would cause more harm than good
like anorexia
turns out shes resisting the karloffs pull and its bad for her
the dr sez to give in to her urges and plans to follow her to the Karloff
later the son takes off his pagan charm and puts it on the girls door
but karloff is watching!
and he starts casting a spell
the son bites it and the girl walks out
imagine if his spell made them explode!
like they swelled up and burst and guts splattered all over!
she returns to the Karloff and wants him
but her soul is in a human body and he wants her in her mummy
also she got her Egyptian memories back and is dressed like a girl in a fantasy game
skimpy bikini
the Karloff burns the mummy of the princess
n they go to a room to have her mummified
she don't want it as it means killing her
she wants to live as a 20th century girl
just wait til the 80s!
neon and leather
she tries to escape but the mind wiped slave stops her
she gives up and consents to him
meanwhile the son is still alive and the dr sez he knows about the karloffs plan to ice and revive her
HOW!?
how did he find that out!?
where was he the whole time?!
they get to the mummy level and she bets her pagan goddess to save her
the Karloff stops the guys who come in but the girl summons a god card and it kills Karloff
the dr sez to the son to call to her to bring her back
the end
that was cool
a lot like a silent film
I hear the guy behind metropolis designs did this
he did really well
this should be on the history channel
although I dont know if those Brendan fraiser films are good
For the mummy 2 I'd like for the girl to have been stuck in her ancient Egyptian self form and e guy has to fall in love with her again. so its him showing her the modern coolness of the 20th century. later they are able to bring out her modern self and the 2 personalities fuse and have traits of both with memories of both. oh and she has magic powers from her memories as a priestess and fights  as a super hero at times.

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