Thursday, October 4, 2018

Riki-Oh The Story Of Ricky

note; this is awesome. too awesome to speel righjt
riki-oh the story of ricky
this is my review for riki-oh the story of ricky
I loved the books
its like fist of the north star but more gore
fist just shows people blowing apart in a spray of blood
here u c da organs and bones
its from da 80s and has super beefy guys punching holes in even beefier guys
the manga has all these crazy self contradicting conspiracys and often retconned backstorys
the villians plan changes every 2 chapters and every other bad guy is a cannibal
plus pretty much every chapter ends on a cliffhanger
I read all 70ish chapters in 12 volumes and its awesome
I even abridged the anime ovas
I love riki-oh
plus all those big buff guys gets me in the mood to work out
inspiring me to get beefy too
so after 3 mins of a bus going into a compound the story begins
text sez in the distant future year of 2001, capitalist countries privatized their prisons
in the books, its revealed global warming and bad economy f'd the world and high crime lead to this
so the new inmates are lead in and riki-oh sets off a metal detector
they x ray him and hes got 5 bullets in his chest
riki-oh's actor is buff
not as buff as the manga
there hes like hulk Hogan
but for a real guy hes pretty buff
riki-oh is there for 10 years for manslaughter and assault
oh and the x ray machine is just them holding him over a wall machine that lights up
no lead plate behind him
in fact its the guard behind him with his arm in riki-oh's back
so in this jail; warden is number 1, assistant warden is #2. then its the 4 heavenly kings
as riki-oh is new he cant see da warden
later in the bathroom, wild cat hassles this nerdy guy as nerd might get parole
he busts this wood train nerd made for his son on nerds head
nerd runs at wildcat with a plane (the wood shaving thing) but w c goons trip him and w c carves off part of his face with the plane
its pretty gruesome
and w c tells the guard nerd tripped and carved his face by accident
as w c walks, riki-ph trips him and he lands hard and face 1st on a board of nails, popping his eye
its dome with a rubber fake body with juice in the eye
1 goon confronts riki-oh but riki-oh scares him off with a bad a55 look and voice
his ki probably
later wild cat wants revenge on riki-oh and is gonna send silly lung (who I think should be said as xaio long or w/e but the subtitles are f;d. he's bando in japan) after him.
silly lung ate a whole horse b4 and is in da hole
so w c bribes a guard
w c is a crime boss who is big in prison
silly lung is a huge fata55 who looks like a brain damaged ver of the kingpin from spiderman
oh and nerd is denied parole for writing to his wife(which he was innocent of and framed for) and the guards beat his a55
so he hangs himself on his own bandages
not sure that's possible
the inmates say it was wc who stopped his parole
and he was a model citizen who ran over a cop while driving his wife to the hospital
riki-oh gets out and snaps the handcuff on nerds body with his bare hands
then puts the fixed train on his body as they carry it out in da rain
then he has some kind of autism attack
later riki-oh takes a shower with wc but they wear loincloths as the actors didn't anna show their footlongs
in the books they were nude but we never saw below the waist
silly lung slugs riki-oh across da room and sez he was paid 30k of rice to ice him
wc openly admits to sending him and silly lung charges at riki-oh
he punches through silly lungs gut and tears it open as his spaghetti sauce guts spill out and he falls on his fat a55, spraying blood
wc comes at riki-oh with a nail that he kept in his a55 in the books(thats called a suitcase in prison lingo as you walk around with something in it)
riki-oh grabs it and the nail goes through his hand
he crushes wc's hand and pulls out a nail
then slugs wc in the side and the impact blasts a hole clean through him
good f--k this is violent!
I love it!!
makes fist of the north star look like sailor moon!!
then the guards take him away thinking their nightsticks can handle a guy who punches freekin holes in people
but 1st the north emperor sez after riki-oh is punished by the assistant warden, hes gonna punish him
hes put in a cell b4 the assistant warden sees him tomorrow and has some ki issues or something
then we get a flashback to him meeting his sensei in a graveyard for the 1st time
he shows his future sensei some kung fu
but sensei is stronger
so riki-oh wants to learn his qi gong style to defend da weak
so he teaches riki-oh it and it makes him glow with ki
then has him shattering tombstones with hits
in the books riki-oh was gonna suicide and sensei found him and trained him as he knew riki-ohs mother
man we're 20 mins in
that felt like nothing
next day he sees assistant warder (a w )who is missing a hand and an eye
also hes played by riki-ohs actors dad
and has a wall shelf full of p0rn0
guard reads his history
unknown parents and grew up in an orphanage
s-cked at school but learned the flute in music college
disappeared for 2 years then killed a guy
I should mention in the books he was raised by the saiga family and did well in school
a w takes his fake eye out of a glass he was drinking out of and puts it in
a w interrogates him but riki-oh is silent
so a w puts a photo on the table and when riki-oh reaches for it, he stabs riki-ohs hand with his hook hand and punches him a lot
a w thinks riki-oh is a spy and sez he had a spy iced
so riki-oh spits blood in his face
he crushes the photo of the girl and sez hes gonna b0ne her, which gives riki-oh viet nam flash backs of her
then he uses his one hand to crush the table
a w fires a gun he suddenly has at riki-oh but rki-oh flips and blocks it with a metal tray like with Michael Keaton in batman
he then gets the photo and walks out as a w's nose bleeds from the force of the punch or ki or w/e
later at night riki-oh plays a flute and remembers having goofy fun with the girl
where did he get that flute?!
it wasn't on him when he came in
was it smuggled in his a55??
this IS a prison movie
later one of wc;s goons is caught by a bunch of inmates over driving nerd to suicide
they want him to lick their books and eat a bowl of sh-t
these guys guy weird fetishes
what is this? the human centipede III??
and is gonna be chopped up by kuang with a big a55 saw
but narumi or w/e they call north king in here stops him as north king is the only one to enforce the rules
wtf he subs call wc goon "centipede"
well, theres wasp in violence jack and jackal in Hokuto no ken
kuang stands up to north king and gets chopped by his own saw in the head for not respecting a superior
they used a saw with a small part missing and filmed it with a blur in slo mo to cover it
a w comes in and drags him off by the mouth with his hook hand
he wants to use kuang to lure out riki-oh and ice him saying hes a bAD role model for the other inmates
also he gives north king a blade
and has mints he keeps in his fake eye
later north guy has kuang crucified by chains in the yard and riki-oh just walks up to it
he attacks riki-ih but riki-oh wants to have north guy free kuang 1st and gets beat on
riki-oh fights back but north pulls the knife and throws broken glass in rokiohs eyes from the sheath
riki-oh swings instead of using his senses to detect him and gets his arm carved open and is punched down
with his good arm he busts a water main and the gushing cleans the broken glass outta his eyes
yeah I don't think that's enough
wont they be all cut up and need healing?
he then knocks out north guys eye wit a slap to the back of the head
even though the force needed to knock out an eye is more than the force needed to bust his brains
riki-oh then ties his cut tendon together with his fingers and teeth like shoelaces
and he can fight perfect w/o rehab
north guy then commits seppuku and riki-oh tries to stop him
so north guy reaches in his gut, pulls out his intestines and strangles riki-oh with em
ohhhhhhhh its gory!!!
bad a55!!
you can tell its rubber skin though
rki-oh uses 1 of his 2 free hands and slugs north away
north charges and riki-oh flips him in the air, then as he comes down, crushes in his face with an x ray punch
north guy falls on the ground with only some blood drawn on his face
riki-oh then pulls out the huge cross with his bae hands
this things like 20 feet tall!
oh and kuang bit it
too bad riki-oh just walked there slow and tried to reason with north guy
the inmates try to ice a w
but the other 3 members of the 4 emperors show up and ice inmates
1 of em just busts a mans head with a double hand ear slap
if you watch it right, u can see the back of his neck falling off
in the manga he grabbed the guys head with one hand and squeezed it til it popped
the west one is named yomi in the books and is played by a chick in this film
instead of fighting em, riki-oh wants to stop the killing for now and takes kuang away
a w offers riki-oh a chance to be the new north king
in the books he bada55ly replies; show me a wolf who would want to wear a collar
also theres this kid in this adult man prison who north was looking after who sees riki-oh playin a grass whistle
although his lips are not even touching the leaf
kid tries it later but s-cked at it
riki-oh sez he should use his tongue but kid shows he don't got 1
kid walks away and has a huge pile of leafs with him
where'd he get em?! theres no trees!
so riki-oh gives him a flute
also west sees this
kid givs riki-oh a poppy leaf and shows where he got it
later the 3 kings confront kid about it and want him to ice riki-oh
also they show him norths bod with the tattoo skinned off his back
its f-kking gruesome
I love it!
kid cant ice riki-oh so west skins him alive
he slashes the blade by him and his skin just comes off
pretty sick
and impossible
also in the books he used kung fu to slice him apart
like rei's nanto suicho ken in Hokuto no ken
his skinned body is found at night
also west took out his tongue b4 cuz he saw something
riki-oh finds the flute he gave him and snaps it
a w gets p-ssed riki-oh knows of the poppys and then the greenhouse burns down
west goes there but riki-oh comes out of hiding in the burning greenhouse and kicks the doors open
he had to duck to be offscreen as hes taller than the walls
riki-oh knows they're growing opium there and fights mae west
billy west hits a pressure point to stop riki-oh's heart
also the inmates are running around the area
why aint they locked in their cells??
also da warden is returning tomorrow
riki-oh punches his chest to CPR it back on
then south comes in with his needles on wire an they double team him
they use the wire needles to penetrate and tie up riki-oh
then east comes in and stops em as he wants to take out riki-oh
in the manga he got south through the back of the head with a pitchfork and dressed like a trucker
then a w uses the zero alarm and guns open fire on the area
east takes him to a room to fight but the room fills with wet cement
riki-oh snaps out of the wire and the nail in his arm is gone
he then busts outta the metal door and carrys out east
he tells a w hes gonna show everyone the poppys and puts it in his mouth
but the cement suddenly hardens and he falls
a w crushes da poppy he had and kicks riki-oh
then warden and his fat a55 son come in he next day
I gotta say the music is good in here
its got that dank dark dread feel
and early 90s late 80s
son puts gum on a w's head between his eyes
then trips on da carpet
warden pops the eye of the guy who rolled it out with his cane
a w makes the sign of the cross for some reason
he didn't in the manga
is he catholic in here?
but... his p0rn0 collection...
a w tells warden several inmates bit it
warden is not pleased as they are cheap and good labor
well, as they aint union, they can get a lot more done at better prices
warden freaks pit when hearing the poppy thing burned down and takes pills for an attack
they see riki-oh chained and coated in concrete
he easily breaks out and grabs warden
but then east busts through the stone wall like da kool aids guy and slugs riki-oh across the room into a wall
was he just waiting there for riki-oh to come out??
warden and friends watch as east bends prison bars to tie riki-ohs arms and bats on him from behind
then east grabs his head to pop it like a zit full of pus
r-oh busts out and busts easts arm with a punch
then punches through the bottom of his jaw and out his mouth
they used a rubber head for this that looks very fake
east goes for 1 last punch but riki-oh counters his punch and busts through his hand
then the ceiling is revealed to be a big press thing that's coming down to crush riki-oh
who built this demented place?!
riki-oh holds it up with his arms and forces it back up
warden uses a taser to shock riki-oh down
but east holds it back up as hes still alive
a w sez east is cr-p after east sez he was loyal and riki-oh busts out through the bars with a tackle
then east is crushed calling for his mommy
riki-oh finds a picture of east and his mom (who's like 1/2 his height) and yells that every prisoner has a family and shouldn't be thrown away
to be fair; many people go to jail for reasons
some people should be locked up
so riki-oh is dropped through a trapdoor like in looney toons
later they have da prisoners berry riki-oh alive
they refuse but riki-oh sez its ok
also the guards are gonna cap em if they don't
tis is like a union thing
the individual rights are ignored by the will
like using forced dues to fund the bosses political crusades
wareden sez if riki-oh lasts a week he's free
I dot think that's how the legal system works
they give riki-oh an air tube
later they hear his protoman whistle from underground
but south and west come out of the sewers like the feekin ninja turtles and west kicks a guard dog in half with a kick
btw, south is a freekin midget!
hes like 4'9
west is taller than him and hes played by a chick who's hardly 5 feet
west puts dog guts in the air tube but riki-oh somehow splits it and eats the guts
I should mention that riki-oh is part jewish and dog isn't kosher
then he flashbacks to his gf seing a drug deal and people doing drugs
shes caught and taken back to the drug dealers lair to be b0ned dead
b4 head dealer b0nes her, she freaks out and ruins away screaming
she runs up the stairs and jumps off the building
1st; this makes no sense
2nd; birth of a nation did this 1st
3rd; in the books it was a little girl riki-oh befriended who was run over and given bad painkillers that vegetabled her as the drug dealers forced the drs to use their drugs(like a union saying union workers only)
4th; they used a cr-ppy fake body and its feet bound off da ground when she hit
riki-oh identifies her (as she don't have a mark on her face from falling face 1st off a building)
then faces the head drug guy who fires 54 shots in his chest
riki-oh tanks it and snaps his leg, then punches a fist crater in his head
in da books he dealer survived but was pretty f'd
so it was a w who found this out by inteviewing dealer
later they dig him out with a huge construction machine that was a part of devastator in transformers
warden sez if hes still alive hes a super man and his son does ultra man poses
riki-oh is alive and snaps out of his chains
but then is hit by the bucket of the machine and kicked out by west
was west driving the thing?
he wakes up in da basement and trapped in a bunch of metal pipes and is beat by south with a wrench
warden wants to know what hes investigating besides da drugs and where he was for 2 years
Kanye west kicks a metal bar in riki-ohs crotch and puts razor blades in his mouth
then tapes his mouth and slaps him a lot til they cut through his face
warden takes off a tape and riki-oh spits the blades in wardens face
he tells warden when warden knows his secret hes gonna bite it
later riki-oh is chained up and an inmate brings him food
but wc goon sees it and outs him to a w
a w carrys him out by his hook hand in his mouth and drags him to riki-oh
but riki-oh is not in da cell
they go in but he's above the door on the ceiling
he then punches the top half of wc's goons head off
then punches a w's remaining eye out of his head and takes him hostage
food homie bites it
a w gets away but the inmates get him and take off his other hand which sprays blood
in the manga this is where he remembers a man just like riki-oh but with a swastika on his hand who was in this prison when he lost his hand and eye and saved him
oh yeah, in the manga, riki-oh has a hexagram on his hand
guards come in and beat inmates
so riki-oh punches one through a metal riot shield and his torso and his heart falls out his back
1st; he was just doing his job. the inmates were rioting and he was stopping em
2nd; I don't think that's possible to punch out his heart
this is like looney toons meets itchy and scratchy
riki-oh has a w take him to warden
even though he has no eyes or hands
wtf and they're carrying him
meanwhile, warden has them cut the meals by half for inmates
1 guy complains so warden runs his arm through a meat grinder
in the manga its cuz he dropped a chicken on the ground and "wasted" it so he had to "pay it back"
and said to serve it to the inmates
1 inmate sez they shouldn't b treated like this as they are human
warden; if I called you human i'd have to do the same to the rats and cockroaches!!
then riki-oh busts a w through da wall
warden pulls a gun but inmates use a w as a shield
so a w caps him with a bullet of super compressed air that makes him expand and blow apart into bacon bits
1st; how can they get that much air in a bullet?
2nd; if they can, wont it be unstable and blow ur hand off if fired?
3rd; f fired; the air wont leak out slow, it'll all come out at once like a grenade
4th; what if it goes through him and hits the wall behind him?
5th; if the air leaks out slow, it would kill him well before he blows apart
6th; wont the air just go out the bullet hole??
a half dozen reasons that doesn't work
but I think the mythbusters otta try this out
warden is gonna cap riki-oh, but the remaining 4 kings attack
south gets him with needle and wire so riki-oh kicks a solid wall and hes on the other side of it
did he throw that through the stone wall?!
good f--k! what is this?! Castlevania?!
also the other 2 kings never show up again in the manga
south was said to be iced but is seen later with a pitchfork through his neck out his mouth
and west is just dropped
they forgot about him
he iced that kid, riki-oh swears vengeance, and that's it
its like dexters lab
what about the guy zapping us?
oh hes done. move on

so warden watches em fight and has a cigar
the 2 kings sometimes take turns and sometimes work together
west kicks at riki-oh but he evades and his foot goes in a boiler
so riki-oh punches off his legs and does something to his arms offscreen
south runs but warden caps him in da right a55 cheek and he blows
then is gonna cap riki-oh but don't
In da manga he tries but riki-oh catches it with his fingers
then warden goes freekin hulk and expands into a huge Castlevania monster
riki-oh fights but cant damage him and gets punched through pillars
he punches clean through warden but it don't phase him
its revealed they have the same kind of kung fu
in the manga its revealed they had the same sensei and hes more skilled in ki gong
also riki-oh was born in this prison over 20 years ago
rki-oh recalls his sensei teachings and punches out wardens leg
the punches in his chest like Kenshiro vs raoh, kaioh and souther in Hokuto no ken
then throws him in the meat grinder and forces him in
all that's left is hamburger and a head
in the books, he regrets his ways after riki-oh pulls him out (w/o legs) and tells riki-oh where to find his brother
oh and his brother as the reason he went here in the manga
he carrys wardens head out and it stops the fights between guards and inmates
then he chucks it and punches a hole in the prison wall with a ki boosted fist
he tells em they're all free and walks out as credits roll to dissonant musuc
the end
good f--k
that was awesome
good cheesy gore
simple plot
no lust or purvusion
no nude scenes(except butts in da shower but spongebob has butts)
good music
good cheesy a55 effects
good over the top acting
the manga is better but the movie is great
they changed some stuff to make it more self contained but it works
I love this cr-p
in the books its set in the year 199x
like Hokuto no ken and Urotsukidoji
I even have dreams of riki-oh like of a gba game or me being in the manga
this movie is awesome and I love the series
the books get more insane with weirder cr-p and psychic powers and bible refs and nazies
its like paul Verhoeven
he otta do this
get him to make a series of riki-oh movies
except he'd add naked chicks
plus as this is 2001 it can be on the history channel like 2001 a space odyssey
im srs
that was on there
for riki-oh the story of ricky 2 I want it to be in the 2010s and things are getting better. he' married to some really fat chick and has a son. but his son is kidnapped and hes gotta fight his way through waves of espers, cyborgs, ninjas, dinosaurs and cannibals to get him back. turns out, it was yomi the west king who is rebuilt with cyborg parts and the fat son of the warden teaming up for revenge. and fat son is now 9 feet tall and over 700lbs of muscle and battle scars. good thing riki-oh taught his wife kung fu and she is just as good as him now despite being over 500lbs. also its a 16 bit beat em up on sega genesis, snes and Atari jaguar and you play as riki-oh and his wife to save the ay by splattering guys in gory 16 bit effects.

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