Sunday, October 14, 2018

Vertical Limit Review

note; I hate heights. but do I hate this fim?
vertical limit
this is my review from vertical limit from 2000
its got val kilmer
it don't
its chris odonnel
why'd I think it had val kilmer??
its directed by martin campbell who also did golden eye, mask of zorro, legend of zorro, casino royale, edge of darkness (I liked dat 1) and green lantern from 2011
so it starts with this arizona wasteland and a badkly animated bird flying
gamecube sonic games looked less f;d
chris, his sister and dad are climbing these high rock things and singing 20th century music
after dad telling them to be safe, some rookies fall from above and f em off
they hang by a robe but the wall stuff wont hold em and snaps 1 at a time
the green climbers fall and go to H E Double Ireland
sister trys to get em in da wall but cant
so dad has chris cut the rope to save him and his sister
holy h-ll this is almost comedic
its so standard and over the top
its like ace ventura with the raccoon or w/e
later chris is in the north and photographing snow leopards from in a metal box
hope they find a sasquatch
later him and his partner come down the mountain and partner falls, his leg goes in 2 rocks and busts
good f--k this is like a 3 stooges thing!
is this a comedy?
a chopper takes em back
wait, chris is the chopper pilot
I thought he was da camera homie
they go to base and these foreigners talk in some gaijin talk
they were there for 6 years and lost thousands
none to the Indians
as in india
not the America ones or sports team
they get cash from rich white people climbing this mountain and paying out da a55 for permits
see? u don't need to tax the 1%. just give them something worth their cash
so after delivering the cr-p to the base, he meets sister at another base
now, I think there are places man was not meant to go
like space
or miles under water
or this frozen h-llscape
so shes a great climber and going on a mountain climbing thing
oh I think this guy shes gay for is going with her
then we see this guy who looks like star wars episode 8 the last jedi luke skywalker who has no toes
reminds me of roots where toby gets his foot chopped for trying to escape
then her bf comes in and sees this guy named ed who's a super climber who did 12/14 earths best peaks w/o oxygen
bf is bill Paxton from aliens
so bf is climbing for a publicity stunt to promote his new airline
after he reaches da top a plane flies overhead
also is a girl whos French Canadian and this guy I don't recognize knows her frenchness makes her awful
oh and the guy is not named ed
at night bf gives a speech and toeless jedi luke asks who chooses who lives or not up there
bf sez its some guy I didn't get
later toeless luke shaves his beard
later chris and sis talk about why he stopped climbing after icing their dad
also, why didn't dad have a knife of his own?
also; chris looks like chris pratt from Jurassic world with dat hair
so during commercials I checked IMBD and found the toeless feet are real and this was intended to be a cliffhanger sequel(the stallone movie)
I emptied a gun into john Lithgow and beat him off a cliff
in the Gameboy game of cliffhanger
its not bad but takes some figuring out and some parts are cheap
also I read this is a loose remake of The Wages of Fear ( 1953) and Sorcerer ( 1977)(which I never saw)
the next day bf and sis are climbing this thing with this expert I thought was ed
imma call him ed
so ed don't want to risk their safety over a marketing thing
oh and this climb was attempted b4 with only bf as the survivor
at base, chris finds out theres a storm or something commin
oh ed's name is really tom
chris calls em to say to turn back
but bf gets tom to keep going
what is this? jagi twisting shin to take yuria from Kenshiro in fist of the north star?!
so they go higher but a storm comes in and they gotta find shelter
bf yells f--k you to the storm
when the sun gets in my eyes or on my ds, I say; f u sun! you giant yellow c-ck sucker!
s then the ground gives out and sis falls in an ice cave'
then outta nowhere theres an avalanche and bf falls In da cave
then it pushes tom in it
from da cave, sis uses morse code to tell the situation
chris translates
that's actually cool
oh and I think there were more but only 3 survived
chris sez its more than snow, theres ice and rock
and they need special tools
but 1 guy sez they have 36 hours b4 they bite it from water in the lungs or w/e
and they don't know their location
turns out he people have nitro to blast and it don't freeze easy
but 1 guy has his foot in melted nitro or something
so they take off his shoe slow and leave slow
they throw his shoe and it goes up in a fireboom
so if they move nitro too much it blows
what is this? Castlevania 64?
at night the en don't wanna go
but chris talks some into it
and 2 new Zealand homies or w/e join in
1 guy offers em each 0.5 million $$ if they get back
btw turns out chris is the photographer
I just didn't recognize him
in da cave bf gets a plan to keep em alive with water or something
1guy sez this guy went up the peak and lost his toes but couldn't find his wife
saved 3 guys though
no one knows where he is
later they get ready to go and 1 kiwi comments on a chick smoking near them in nitro
and jokes about b0ning her mouth
so she slugs him
violence as a response to words
totally civilized
besides, she shouldn't be smoking near nitro
should she?
I know little of nitro
does fire set it off?
later, toeless luke is on the peak and da chopper lands
the guys want his help but he sez no
when he hears bf is up there e takes command and joins in
1 kiwi don't wanna climb w/ not his brother (who's p-ssing on the  mountain) but toeless gives him orders
so they go up in da storm but the chopper f;s out an nearly wacks em
the chopper blades chop the chick's arm
now she cant slug people for words she don't like
the guys get off and chopper heads to base
in da cave tom or w/e I called him might bite it
bf sez to let him as they cant save him
sis wants to try
that's actually good as it shows the difference between those trying to save bf and bf
he's willing to cut off possible loose ends to save himself
but chris and friends are risking it to save him
kinda like in rob roy how rob roy and the brit are so different in honor
or transformers the movie how after optimus and megatron fall the 2 sides choose their new leader differently
bf tells tom to bite it
the look in toms eyes as hes told to go to literally h-ll is pretty tough
later a kiwi chats to 1 guy about how different religions say different things that send us to h-ll
toeless talks to chris about how he did the right thing cutting off dad
and if dad had the knife he'd do it himself
btw how did they get off the 1st thing?
no one was around and they couldn't get back to da rock
so toeless calls ice cave and lets him know they're coming
but don't let sis talk to chris
in da cave sis is getting lung fluid but bf wont give her da needle as he might need it later (even though hes not sick now)
cuz tom is called leader hes gonna take da blame
but its bf's fault theyre there
hen 1 guy falls off the thing and slides down the mountain until he catches the edge of a cliff with his pickaxe
that scene was used in all da trailers
chick is able to catch the guy but goes over but hangs from a rope
so she swings him over to rocks
imagine if her arm came off and fell
after swinging it drops a nitro and it blows
meanwhile sis and bf are trying to get a backpack that can save em
the nitro shakes da cave they are in
oh da guy who went over was da kiwi brother
he was gonna give her da rope but another avalanche takes him out
the chick was on the side of da cliff
chris almoist goes back for em but toeless sez sis and bf are still alive and the 2 who just blew might not be
oh and da chick survived
in da bad was the live saving fluids they need
but bf don't want sis to give it to tom
chick later she meets up with a guy who reveals shes had to be b0ning a guy to get this job
also she busted her hand punching the guy b4
I think da guy is chris
later some nitro blows and base tells chris to get his nitro backpack outta the sun
but the religious guy from b4is outta range
so chris climbs and tells them to radio
they turn on radios bit it takes time to get da message as the radios are cr-p
he get it in da shade but some leaks out into da sun nd blows em
btw the religious guy the kiwi talked to about going to h-ll is kareem like that guy from Yugioh season 5 memory world
kiwi talked about h-ll when religious guy was praying to his god b4
the blast bursts loose the toeless guys wife frozen and toeless and chick find her
chris comes in and sez 4 years ago she guided the team up da mountain
bf was on it and said she lost her meds and bit it
but he really did something to it
and toeless wants to ice bf
chris wants to stop him but can hardly function at the VERTICAL LIMIT and toeless is used to the heights
at night chris talks to sis on radio about bringing dads ashes to the peak as he was happy up there
she wants him to ditch her but he wants to not
she sez bye and its a touching scene
good acting from chris odonnell
hes more than dick in batman and robin
later bf is coughing and he goes up to tom
tom; r u gonna kill me now?
bf; yes
stabs him with a needle
that's pretty f'd
but also hardcore
but a bt funny like in black lion here Shishimaru sez" Ginnai! I will kill you now!" and cuts him in 2
later bf is trying to dig out and sis sees tom is iced
so she attacks him
I think
chris runs and jumps of a cliff to get across a chasm and sticks the ice wall with 2 pickaxes
shouldn't the impact of hitting da wall f him up?
also heres not much water left and the fire went out
so they drain dead a55 tom of blood which hasnt frozen yet and push a baggie of it above a cave to burst on da ice to show where they are
I can see a p0rn0 parody using spurm for it
chris finds em and sends a note saying "bang"
again; this can be used in a p0rn0 parody
they pour da nitro on a thing and set a charge as everyone takes cover
why not just use ur ki to melt it?
or use ur ki to sense where they are?
bf ties sis on a pulley thing and chris and chick pull her up
but da ice busts and they nearly drop her
and da spike holding em in is coming out
but toeless stomps it in and saves em
toeless goes don't to face bf
and bf is too f'd from health to stop him
he attax but toeless counters and hold him over a edge
but saves him
they try bringing up I think da dead tom
but his feet hit ice and the whole thing cr-ps out and they're hanging by a rope
toeless decides h-ll is the place they both belong so he cuts da rope and he and bf fall
using the opening as da ending
so after they somehow get outta there and are at base they saved sis
and the chick, I think, I cant tell without her winter outfit, kisses chris
sis sings some song that chris thnks she made up
sis sez dad'd be proud of him
chris is by the memorial to those who bit it up there
none for bf I think
then credits to good 80s/90s style movie music
the end
I liked that
it was pretty good
some parts were cheesy but it had some pretty good ideas and scenes
plus toeless was based on a real guy
put it on da history channel
better than texas chansaw massacre and boogie nights
huh, the snow leopards were real
pretty good film
nowadays it would all be greenscreen and cgi
but here its real and looks great
for vertical limit 2 I want the boyfriend and toeless to wake up inside the depths of da cave and are being healed by high tech sci fi mammoth sasquatch people. the m s p want to find out what makes em tick and are gonna vivisect em. so toeless has to work with bf to et out before they are chopped up. also its a 2 player beat em up on sega genesis, super Nintendo and Atari jaguar and gba where you fight through these mammoth sasquatch people and try to get out of the endless caves in the mountain.

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