Saturday, January 19, 2019

Cave Of Forgotten Dreams Review

note; are my reviews getting better or worse? the spellis is the same kinda
Cave of Forgotten Dreams
this is my review on Cave of Forgotten Dreams
its directed by werner Herzog and is from the distant future year of 2010
I never saw this b4 but saw it was on, looked it up, and chose to do it
the title sounds like an art film or some European book or w/e
so after a long thing of opening credits including history channel films we get da title and opening credits
narreator sez in xmas 94 these guys in soviet france found these caves, went in and found smething mondo cool
cave paintings the scientists claim to be 32 000 years
even though creation science has disproven the earth being older than 6000
might as well be a scien tologist and say its 3 trillion years
they named the cave after a guy who found it
and barred all non scientists from entering it
only the elites can see it
tf they put guards on it?
its freekin graffiti!
I can see in the sci fi cyber city future when swear words and dbz art painted on walls is preserved as historical
also a rock slide sealed the ave long ago and kept it safe from noahs flood or w/e
and now they got a climate guard or door or w/e installed
so da film makers go in as I guess they let the gov guys b0ne em to get big gov permission to enter some hole in the earths a55 that commoners are blocked from
the film crew only has a max of 4 guys and they gotta do more work each
and have limited time allowed in there
and can only walk on a special metal thing
and can only use special battery packs
to quote stallone in demolition man; why not just shove a leash up my a55?!
so they look at various ancient cr-p in the cave like animal bones
and say the paintings were made in pure dark long ago
1 guy sez the paintings look somewhat new but the cr-p on the walls coating it proves its not
and that theres a hole in da cave that rain water comes from near where they were painted
1 bison art has 8 legs
is it like slepnir, odin's magic horse/grandson?
they we get a trippy 3d laser scanned thing of da cave
its like the matrix
then this Frenchie with a ponytail talks about making the 3d map
he looks like a university student
lol he sez he was in da circus as a juggler
and he couldn't handle the art in a cave more than 5 days as it was too much for him
just wait til he sees Urotsukidoji
those tentacle monsters will give him dreams those fingerpaints in the cave never could
the we get a look at the stalagmites (or stalactites) with light moving over em
its pretty trippy
I hear this was in 3d
not on my 90s tv
man, we're 20 mins in and not much happened
its just showing paintings on da wall for a while now
at least theres no naked chicks
imagine if in the sailor moon crystal tokyo future they find deviantart or 4chan and gush over the art of our time
1 moustache guy sez theres an arch by the cave that might've impressed the cave guys
and goes on wondering about their time and lives
then about how they used fire in caves to use shadows and it shows that 30s or w/e guy dancing with 3 shadows of him on the wall
also humaans never lived in the cave, but went there to hang out
so its a mall??
later something about the team trying to get all this little data from the cave paintingz
of they're trying to figure out what order the paintings happened in or how they were made or w/e
so 1 guy drew some of it but later other guys drew on that
carbon dating sez it was 5 000 years apart
yet carbon dating isn't as accurate as it sounds
esp as it don't know how much carbon the stuff had at 1st
only how much there is now
1 guy who did cave cr-p has an f'd finger
they follow his pantings deeper in da cave and find a torch that carbon dating sez was lit 28 000 years ago
then the people try to come up with stories based on the images and guess what the artist meant
this could be based on a dream or made up thing for all we know
then they go to the chamber of lions with a lot of CO2 gas
so is it the gas chamber of lions??
I there is a naked chick painted on a rock
but they cant walk around to see the other half of the naked chick as the ground is protected by the gov from walking on it to protect it
why not just use a selfie stick??
or mirrors?
guess they don't really wanna see the nude woman art
but this is Europe and theres naked people everywhere
just go to the beach or a museum for the paintings and statues of naked men
then they go to a museum and find a statue of a guy with a lion head
I think that's furry dude
at least its not sonic the hedgehog being b0ned by tails
then narrator talks about how things were different 40 000 yeas ago with ice and water and cr-p
then statues of naked chicks from cave man times
this is what joe and mac j-rked off to when not fighting mammoths on that sega game
1 guy goes on about hoe them drawing furry art means they are religious somehow based on spirits or some cr-p
also he goes on about some fat naked chick statue and its meaning
I think they were just lusty dude
some things don't change
at least they didn't gibe the girls huge weeners like tumblr used to do and 4chan still does
then they go on about a mammoth ivory flute the cave guys did
imagine if in the planet of the apes future they find a bunch of beast wars action figures and see em as treasured artifacts of importance
also 1 vulture bone flute they found is just like our flutes today
sounds like time travel as involved
then he plays the star spangled banner on a cave man flute
do the Zelda theme!
also; u put ur mouth on that cave flute?!
what if you got cave aids?!
1 guy uses his nose and trys to smell the cave from above ground
what are you? wolverine?!
oh and he was a prez of the French society of perfumers for years
and I thought I was weird for having all my off color degrassi ideas
you know, for a show about cavemen, theres no cave man babes
like those animal skin bikini chicks in all jungle and cave man shows and games
man, were an hour in and it felt like ,nothing\
after looking around the cave for a while they say it feels like they are watched
isn't this how TROG started??
then mustachio talks about how cavemen hunted
later they shut down da cave cuz tourists breath made mold grow on da walls
so what?
jus pump poison in it
spray it with aids
use mustard gas
stink it out!
they look at da cave and use a camera on a stick and it has the bison b0ning a naked chick from that thing they couldn't see b4
just like tumblr
or 4chan
or deviant art
btw that might make this doc banned in some countries due to anti interspecies laws
then this guy goes on about it
they show a bear skull on a rock and act like its a religious thing for some reason
maybe its just to look cool
ever thin of dat??\
these are the kinda guys who try to find deep philosophy in p0rn0 anime
after showing cave paintings we get Frenchie with pony tail going on about other cave pantings around da world (zaa warudo!!)
in Australia they had a native guy show a white guy pantings and touches em up as they rot
he sez hes not painting but the hands of the spirit are
sounds like a horror movie
then it shows painting for a few mins
after that mustachio talks about what makes something have humanness
he sez one thing is transmitting info w/o language
so silent films and anime??
then a postscript about a nucular plant being near there and greenhouses too
the greenhouses have gators
some are albino
he fears albino gators might reach da cave and wonders what they'll think of the paintings
how about nothing cuz they're f--king animals!!!
he compares us looking at cave panting to crocs looking at cr--p
the end
that was a pretty good movie
good music and camera and story
it was a doc on a hole in da ground with graffiti on it
I had fun coming up with crazy ways to poke fun at this story and its goods to see a history thing that's not a cr-ppy film loosely inspired by some thing he movie has nothing to do with
these egg heads who go on about the cave pantings are kinda full of cr-p
trying to have deep meaning to doodles on a wall
but its fun to poke fun at em
I enjoyed this one even though it promotes evolution
it has a good pace and doesn't drag or feel boring
For Cave Of Forgotten Dreams 2 I want it to be years later and some teens break into the cave to do drugs and b0ne. But the b0ning and drugs triggers the spirits of the cavemen to be revived as they were really daemons who made that cave art to lure people away from creation science. Also the cave man daemon is killing the kids 1 by 1 and eating their bodies to regain his full power and flesh to fully revive in this world time. its also a 16 bit sega genesis super Nintendo Gameboy advance and Atari jaguar game where you play as the cave man daemon and hunt down the teens while avoiding being seen by humans who know not of you and if they see you, you gotta use ectoplasm to mindwipe em and its also your life bar.

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