Saturday, January 12, 2019

Jane Review

note; chimps are daemons. so I don't spell right
this is my review on jane from 2017
its about that chick who wasted her life with a bunch of sub human apes
I once wrote a story about kung fu fighters taking on apes in post apocalyptic florida
also I hear chimps can be vicious and savage
so it starts with text saying its made from over 100 hours of  footage from the 60s found in 2014
then text saying they chose 26 year old jane goodall who had no experience to go on an ape mission
then bugs
then burds
then other critters
then a voicve over of jane being interviewed
she wanted to go on adventures like men did
she went out in 57 as she loved animals
she got close to chimps and lived with em and got accepted
and she anted to communicate with em like dr Doolittle and live with em like tarzan
she wanted to live in Africa with animals since she was like 8
now she lives her dream
yet kids don't get how dangerous wild creatures can be
then we see her at like 90 and talking about her 1st trip
cuz there was no data on chimps no one knew how they were in the wild
not knowing its dangerous doesn't make it less dangerous
look at drinking and smoking in the 50s
she watched em eating in a tree from a distance like a peeper looking at chicks showering
then she spent a buncha days with the apes
but they fled from her
she cleans her hair in the river and sez her mom came with her so she'd have someone
she sez her dad didn't care about her and was in the war
no wonder she gave up on humanity
also her mom pretty much raised her
as a kid she played outside and daydreamed of tarzan boy
also she didn't wanna have a family or marry
that's a shame
same with Lillian gish
so the chimps don't like her
that means they'll later fall in love in the movie
so she looks for chimps 1 day and finds jack sh-t
but then finds a white chin haired ape who didn't run
is this gonna be like digit and that gorilla b--ch?
she follows it to its base with more apes
the accepted her now
so she watching them doing cr-p like eating bugs out of eachothers a55es and names em
and she finds they have some semi human abilities
me; yeah but they are still vastly inferior
you know, a spider is smarter than an earwig yet its still a spider
and pigs are smarter than dogs yet we eat em
h-ll, crows and octopi are smarter than apes
don't mean we don't eat em
to quote dbz; he was just... a mon key!!
so janes is watching da apes wAlk on all 4s and its like those guys from return to oz which I never saw but saw clips of
also apes use tools
spoiler; so do crows!
then a chimps strip a twig of leafs and ue em to get out termites
1 guy she told sed "we gotta redefine man, or, count chimps as human"
spoiler; humans have souls
so people think shes full of cr-p and they send a cameraman
she tells about him and how he smoked a lot
later at night a chimp broke in and entered her tent and stole bananas
they set up a camera and find its one she named
then more chimps got close to camp
also they chew on cardboard boxes
and f sh-t up
they're getting more riled up and malcontent
I blame violent cartoons like dbz and power rangers
good f--k these beasts are outta control
hope they got a firearm
so they try reasoning with the apes by making a feeding station
they use steel boxes on switches to see em up close and safe
1 ape was the dominate female but the males were higher level
later she's got a swelling on her a55 and the apes start b0ning her
1 at a time and everyone gets a turn
like 5kanks today
then jane gets a telegram and a guy loves her
she marrys him
we see footage of her happy
they go back to soviet Africa and the chimps have ape babies
eventually she becomes famous for her ape studies
after a montage of her fame the funding ended but she didn't wanna get a real job so her and husband wrote books and made films about africa
eventualy she poops out a baby and takes video of it
we see the kids parts
good thing she didn't circismise it
also she kept him in a cage to keep the apes from b0ning him dead and eating the parts the shred off it
she spent more and more time with her kid and husband
I should've said diss b4 but I never really saw this b4
it was on but I wasn't paying attention
wtf the kids name is grub
is that like scorpion in mortal kombat??
then the chimps get some virus, probably aids or w/e, and start decroding
she sees no difference between helping a human or animal
also I think she had 1 shot for being a carrier
its ok when its an animal but I think she's ok executing sick people
oh and I think its polio
look at those aids monkeys
making those mental faces
oh and they cant touch chimps anymore
and her son hated the apes
then we see a lion biting a bison's a55 and bringing it down
eventually son goes back to soviet England and she visits him at times in some months
later the ape who got b0ned a lot bites it
and its kid goes emo and gives up on life and goes to monkey h-ll
eventually the pack breaks up and seperates into separate gangs like in mad max or the warriors or something
and if they meet again on rival turf they ice eachother
then we see photos of dead apes
she had no idea how brutal these wild apes can be
spoiler; they tear off faces, hands, feet and groins of ape and man
and it aint just apes
ants have colony wars
as do wasps and bees
also she breaks up with her husband as she didn't wanna leave soviet Africa
Africa doesn't love you
he does
man they show a lot of phallllic worms and caterpillars
she went to Africa to see humans past by looking at wild animals
spoiler; creation science disproves man came from a lower animal
then she jabbers on about evolution
I got a cosmic feeling looking at that galaxy as she talks about our purpose or w/e
like some h p lovecraft brief glimpse into eternity
then she sez the chimps are going extinct in africqa and is trying to save em
then we get text saying where everyone wound up
grub became a boat builder
husband became a great photographer
and bit it in 2002
and janes study on chimps is the longest continuous study on any wild animal
the end
that was not bad
it tried to paint a light look at chimps and only made their violent tendincys seem rare or brief
yet I know they are vicious daemons and should be purged from our blue and pure world
that CosMc feeling though
this was a good film and i'm glad she wasn't mutilated dead by apes
for jane 2 I want it o be a mystery movie where someone is taking out all chimps and they keep finding them chopped up. after investigating they find a masked warrior with a bad a55 sword and body armor that ca withstand chimp blows. he's trying to rid the world of the apes that wronged him. jane investigates but finds its her on wo blames the apes for ruining his childhood and wants revenge. also its a 16 bit hack and slash game here you play as grub and take out al the chimps in the area on sega genesis, super Nintendo and Atari jaguar.

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