Sunday, April 11, 2021

The Southerner Review

 note; i spell confederater

the southerner

this is my review on the southernere from 1945(the year Go Nagai was born)

its directed by jean renoir who did 1934 madam bovary, and 1951s the river

i never saw this b4 but its got Beulah Bondi and no oner elsxxe i know

so after credits it stars with a guy looking through pix of this guys fam

then we sees guys picking cotton and 1 guy has a heat spazm so main guy helps him

later he talks with a mexico about getting a bulldozing job and then more picking cotton

so the heat spasim guy bites it and laater this little girl and her granny are eating berries

main guy sez a place owned by da boss is for rent and little girl freaks out granny with a snake

so main guy gets to rent the place and boss sez: if u work for a guy, u get paid even on bad crops, but work 4 urself, and bad crops f ya

so main guy and his fam, including grannas and kid, go to the place in a car like the beverly hillbillys

at there the farm is kinda f'd and he considers getting his bulldozing job

main guy and wife wanna try the farm and even with the f'd well that'll give the kids downs, they can get water from another place

so grannys a crotchety crotch and is disgruntled and it rains and they havve coffe

so after dealing with a leaky roof they go to sleep to nice music

later its day and main guy caught a fish and goos to a neighbor and neighbor has a "queer lookig fish hook"

he meets the neighbors and they got teens and neighboor dad is a harda55 on em

main guy asks for well water and neighbor sez he can now but in summer its not

also neighbor sez to fix his own well aND how much there is to do on da farm

neighbor sez how he got f'd over the years with bad crops, aqnimals bitring it, and his fam going to h e double california from sickness

after seeing why neighbor is so bitter he goes but neighbor son tells him of a big a55 catfish that neighbor is butt hunting

so things go on and main fam is getting f;d

the moons moving closer to the (fist of ) the north star and the animals dont like it

his girl can't go to school cuz its too cold and sahe got no coat

granny b--chers at wife and dad takes grannys blanket for the girl and granny has an autism attack

so later main guy iss smoking out a bees knest and finds a possom andf j fk's it to feed his fam

so they give thanks and eat possum stew (Sparkster! Noooooooo!)( Thats why they stopped making Rocket Knigght Games)

also tthey waste it on a dog who eats bugs and his own waste

so main guy works the farm and later its spring and main guy tells his kids iof the big a55 catfish whos smart to have lived so long

often i dream of centipedes that are several feet long and wanna stop my dad from killing em as "they got so big cuz lived so long and killing em would be a waste!"

then 1 kid has spring sickness and dr sez thery need a cow and milk for their kid ands he needs veggies

oh and thuis is based on a book i never read and almost won osddcars for directing and music

so main guy goes to town to get cr-p and the guys say they can get him factory work for 7$ a day

he chats woith a guy about how much crop he can make and they chat about freedom and risk and work

a guy gets in a dispute with a barkeep aand throws rocks throght the window

this devolves to throwuing beer bottles and barkeep comes out with his gun but main guy saves bar guy by nailing barkeep with a riock in the head\

later neighbor suiggests main guy go back to working for the boss and main guy is getting disgruntled by neighbor not giving his stuff

as he leaves,neighbor girl offers him milk buit a demento worker knox it on da ground in a FURY

AT HOME TE WIFE CRYS OVER HOW HARD IT IS  and msain guy Prays to The Lord

so later dad gets a cow and tjhey milk it

i had a random idea for a dbz fan sart of ChiChi on a raised area like a Table or platform and wearing cow horns and a cow  bikini bottom and tail and her really huge a heavy breasts are hanging down and Goku in coveralls and a straw hat and nothing else is squeezing her huge breasts and blasting huge bursts of milk out and ChiChi is moaning and Goku says "So that's why the Mexico Dub called you Milk!!"

later the neighbors cows busdt in their farm andeat their crops

shoot em! they on ur land! its legal!

so main guy goes to neighbors place and neightbor cuts the well rope and they have a fist fight

a farmhand interveiines and trips main guy when hes winning and neighbor has a knife

he uses a stick to disarm him and after braweling, neighbor b--ches about how he was jealous of main guy and getting having to work hard

they fight more and neighbor is thrown in with the pigs

the pigs eat him alive as he screams and soils himself

jk really main guy goes off and later main guy catches the big a55 cat fioosh and neighbor was gonna j fk him but stops seeing the catgish and helps him

they catch it and neighbor wants to haver the credit for catching it and evenatually agrees to let main guy use his farm and water

main guys fam comes by and main guy gives neighbor the credit

so some people get married as an opposite gendered, same race, same generation, same species couple

holy f--k! norman lloyd is in this!!

so granny trys cooking something and superheats a boittle that peopple hot potatoe and break

afdter some redneck partying, itstarts raining into a big a55 storm that floods the place

and this is in the 1800s-1900s so its not cuz of globl warming

eventually the rain stops and the farm is f--ked

granny gets b--chy and wants to go but wife tells her off

the cow vanished and he and a guy go through da river to find it

they see aliers using lasers on it and removing its organs and blood for demon rituals!

jk really its swimming and they swim to it and pull it in

1 guy gets f'd in the water somehow and clings a55 to a log as the water flows him

main guy goes to save him and after that hjas had it and wants to queer out

at hom,e he finds most of the vegetable jars survived as did his gun and most ofg their sh=t

granny sez this hjappene to her b4 but harder and they got through it

main guy recovers his fighting spirit and sez hes ghonna keep farming

they realize we need both farmers and factoryers and i think its the bar guy who threw rocks and he wants to help em

they have coffee (which isnt as good as pop) and go back to farming

granny goes inside to wait to bite it and trhe main guy and hisfam continue farming

the end

that was pretty good

clean, wh0olesome, kind, warm,,, nice, and hopeful

smee actual sooutrherners didnt like it as it made em look like inbred hicks or something

even the klan hated it

andf they don't hate anythin

plus it was made in encino, so they could calll this, encino man

i enjoyed it and it went by at a good pace

it had good flow and didn't drag

its pretty well made and had good style

For The Southerner 2 I want it to be a year later and another flood is coming! Turns out, the catfish they caught was a guardian spirit that held off flood daemons and caused weather calamities! So the main guy and the neighbor team up and as they ate the catfish, they have his powers and go to the demon reallm to fight anti catfish monsters that look like bird dogs and save their hhome! its also a 16 bit beat em up on sega genesis, sners, gba, tg16 and atari jaguar where you go around and unleash screen nukes of holy energy from beating enough guys!

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