Sunday, April 4, 2021

Quigley Down Under Review

 nopte; i spell quiggley

Quigley Down Under

this is my review on Quigley Down Under from the distant future year of 1990 (the year rick hunter from robotech was born)

its got tom selleck, alan rickman and no one else i know

lol tony bonner. p0rn0!

its directed by Simon Wincer who did operation dumbo drop and free willy 01

i never saw this b4 but heard the name of the movie

so it starts wiith credits and a cowboy suiting up to music

then he goes to soviet australia under the black rule of the english regent

ooh, the msuic is by Basil Poledouris whoi did robocop 1

so magnum pie goes there and its like the slavery days or w/e and he meets a cockney midget who likes Americans

an australian chicjk, wait, shesx human, fights some austrialians and magnum saves her

wasnt tom selleck in myra brekenridge?

magnum beats em upas they are too devolved to beat a real American

so magnum and the chick ride in a wagon and at night she trys to bandage his wound from the fight

she keeps calling him roy like the guy from robotech and the guy from fma

so later the brits in redcoats like its the f--kin 1700s come by and dump on Americans and tom jokes back at him

later some commie kangaroos are jumping a55 around

later they get to a farme and snape from harry pooter and the gas chamber of secrets is there

tom sez snape would pay him 50$ of gold for showing up to his add he placed

snape sez he wanted a sniper as i gujess he wants to take out j fk fopr slagging marilin

tom takes out his big a55 gun and talks about it and snape sez its expewrimental

angel cop; ichihara sed the recoil on this gun could break my arm, oh well, here goes!

angel cop later; sh-t! the recoil f--ked my shooting arm!

so snape has a gun run out like a mile and frank reagan blows a hole in the bucket the slave put out there several times

that thingsxx a freakin cannon!

so tommy the green ranger gets hired and tomsez to snape to leave the chick alone until later

the guy from battlefield earth i mean galaxy quest has guys on his land tresspassing and tells em he can have em capped

he puts a gun by em, has em cut from their bindings andf when they for guns, he takes em out

so this irishman nor w/e is b--ching about something at night

at dinner tommy wiseau sez he was in soviety dodge city and they talk about guns like the colt

tom sez he wonders wehy snape needs a sniper to take out dingoes and snape talks about how america took care of the indian issues

also snape dont like the australian natives as they chopped up his family

also the gov dont do anything about the natives attacking theirt farms

so snape wants ul;tra magnus to take otu the natives attacking his area and tom slugs him out of the house like hes f--kin popeye

snape wants his men to get him but tom has his cannon and puts out the light

the snapes slave knocks him out and snape and his men beat him out

he has his goons dump him out in the wastelands for the continent to kill him like he's jagi from hokuto no ken the movie

oh and the chick is there too

good, now he has something to eat

as the goons leave he sez they forgot the gold and when a goon goes to get it, tom shanks him

now they can both eat

the other goon books it but tom j fk's his a55

chick sez her grandad sez to walk at night and sleep in the day

like in shaft in africa how he berried himself in the sand

so after walking day night and day againin the cooking heat, she blacks out and hes gonna ditch her

but instead carrys her as hes a big a55 he man and shesa a little girl

meanwhile snape tells the redcoats to identify these bodyes that toim iced and finds that tom and chcikm are gone

meanwhile, the natives save tom and chick and do some kinda ritual to heal ewm or soemthing

he wonders why they let him keep hisd gun and have some sh-t on their faces

so the natives train him in their weays and he teaches them americanism

so an american hero joins the natives to fight the evil english?

totally not like pocahauntus and other similar things

maybe robotech ii the sentinels where the humasn team with the aliens to fight the invid

so chick tells tom her story about indians attacking and she locked herself in the celler and somnething about a native kid biting it

i dont know, its hard to follow

oh her husband sent her to h e double australia after her kid bit it and something about indians

and her husband was roy

later the natieves are gone when they wake up and some cowbvoys ride in

the cowboys cap the natives so rom j fk's em as chick runs out in their way like a dumba55

1 escapes and magumnjacks the dead guys horse and water and book it

later its night and she wants to b0ne but he wants her to use his real name and not roy

the next day the survivor returns to alan ruck and sez the rest of his teem got iced by maggie quigley

so alan commings sez 50lbs in gold to the guy who brins in quigley

then quigley and chick see australiands throwing natives ofgf a cliff and tom green j fks em to save the garudans

chick cant take it andgoes to see the corpses for some reason and a natyive kid is there

tom mansion's dinosaurs for hire talkls to a guy who's crippled and gets into from him on where to go

the cripplino wants tomas jervferson to finish him but only has 1 bullet so tom leaves and chick hears a gunshot

he gave himself a 45 calibur haircut

also chick finds a natve baby like baldan 2 in robotech 2 the sentinels

later magnus scheving decides to go ou for 2 days  to get milk and her a dress

in town this german guy about making more ammo and the germans cockney son (whos like 10 and the dads like 70) sez qui;lgey has been a heroi to the nativesd

at night some demon dogs come to eat the baby and the baby crys as it senses em

she goes mental not knowing of the yokai and yells and gets a gun and when the demons come she caps em

she reloads and it cutrs to the next day and tome comes back to find dead dogs and her having viet nam flashbacks thinking the dogs were indians

oh and the bABY is ok

so tom duymps the chick off at the german guyys and goes off

latyer theres gunshots in the distance at snapesd farm

the next day tom j fk's a few guys and when they send a party he's gone

they run into tom on horse and theres a chase and he springs a trap card that plays a rope and takes em off.

then takes em out one by one with his cannon

irishman coomes and he takes out guys by shooting his rope trap that has a log fall

irishman comes out but another guy caps tom and they drag him on a rope by horseback to alan rickert

alin has him cut loose and puts his gun by him so when he goes for it he can cap him

then has tjhe rifle thrown away and gives tommy a revolver

alan; some were born in the wrong century, i was in the wrong continent

tom sez thius aint dodger city and alan commings anint bill hickick and he draws 1st and takes out 3 guys in a row

tom sez he said he never had much use for a revolver, but not that he didnt know how to use it

then the slave comes out with a fifle andf gives it to tom, then walks off and gets undressed

lastewr tommy goes to the docks and aks when the next boat is heading for the americas and the midget there has a wanted poster for matt quigley

he readys a revolver but tom sez his name is roy cobb and the chick is with hiim

she sexz his real name later as he said b4 he wanted her to say his name b4 they b0ne

they they kiss and it freezes as in the real version they were b0ning

the end

that was pretty good

great music, writing, characters, effects, and story

it dont drag and has good color and lighting

good americanism As the good guys and the vil brits

tom selleck was good in here and the chick was too

good bad guy of alan as usual

i liked it

oh and the poster looked like hook

for Quigley Down Under 23 i want the brits to have cracked down on the natives harder and started chopping emn up and using their parts to summon a daemon to rule the world, and quigley and his woman return with an even bigger gun and lead an uprising to drive the brits back to soviet england. its also a 16 bit sega genesisd, snes, gba, atari jaGUAR anmd tg16 run n gun game where you play as quigley and player 2 is the chick and they fight through the brit forces and instead ofd nukes they havenatives swarming the area in a wave and wasting everyone and they need time tyo recover.

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