Tuesday, March 22, 2022

The Eagle Review

 Note: I spell better than the soviets as myt R's are the right way

The Eagle

This is my review on The Eagle from 1925(100 years before Tranbnsformers Vicvtory)

its based on the book dubrobsky by bAlexander Pushkin that i never heard of neither him nor the book

its directal by Clarence Brown who i assume is clancey brown sr and he did the 20s lasnt of the mohicans, the 20s the cossacks, flesh and the devil, the yearling, the 40s angels on the eou i mean in the outfirld and the plymouth adventure

i never saw this but it stars drudolph valentino, Louise Dresser from Mr Wu, Albert Conti from The Black Cat, James A. Marcus from Sadie Thmpson, Carrie Clark Ward from the 24 Dange's Inferno and Scaramouche, Spottiswoode Aitken from Birth of a Nation, Gustav von Seyffertitz from Queen Christina and The Student Prince in Old Heidelberg, Agostino Borgato from Murders in the Rue Morgue and Birs of Paradice, Mario Carillo from Torent, Gary Cooper from a lot of good stuff, Otto Hoffman from the 20s Noah's Arc, Eric Mayne from The Conquering Power, Russell Simpson from The Grappes of Rwarytth i mean wrath, Mack Swain from Torrent and a buncha 1800s homies i never heard of

So after titla and creitds we get theczarina inspectying her troops in the ussr before it went soviet

a horse cart goes outta control liem the guyver and a horeseman chases after it and jumps on the horses to stoop them

rudy is the horseman and he meets this girl therte and they like each other

oh and this old lasdy is there and i thiunk its her mom, but shes not got like the moms in anime

so the cart goes on and rudy hears the girl zcar saw him using her horse just now and he introduces himself toe the girl zdxar

she wants rudy and anotrher guy to come to her place at 10 pm

i assume to b0ne

so he meets her there and she lets him have the horse as hew showed courage

hes happy and kisses her hand and she runbs his hair and like hes her pet

they seem to have an attraction but she gets some booze as they are soviets and love liquor

but they both throw the booze away thinking the other didnt see as i guess its drugged

what is this? legal AGE POLANSKI?!

they fake being drunk and she offers to make him general but sez hes too young

trhey a lieuntenant has a death warrent ready to be sihgned by her and she signs it but bends the guy away

then she crys and sez rudy is the 1st soviet to see the czarina cry asnd kisses him a bit

nowadays this would be seuxal harrassment from a senior boss

jk the guys who worry about that dont care when its a woman doing it

she goes off to getta durpizre for him and he tries to leave but a guard shows him something and tells him not to leave

rudy only enlisted tro serrve in the war but when czarina comes out in a night gown rudys gone and she spazzes out

rudy readys a nnote and its in handwriting as people were devolved back then and the czarina orders rudy brought back, dead or alivbbe, xtrrme beach volley ball

then czarina gets dinner served and flirts with another guard like she did rtudy

as rudy goes on horseback bhe sees a wanted note for him and books iut

later kyrilla seizes the rudy's estate liek he's candya55 trudeau or something and a judge is poaid to help kyrilla

they drink wine as they arws soviets and love destroiying their bodiues witrh boozer and smokes and b0ning and fights and eating cr-p

1 goes for more wine and in the celler is a bear on a chain and copllar, but not the gay sxxx way

the guy freraks out and the others laugh at his torment as they are the bad guys

kyrilla greets his daughter who is the chick the rudy liked

later kyrilla is biting it and rudy comes to see him and wwait its rudys dad

so the people want rudy to free them from kyrilla and k man has a guard of cossacks  to work for him

so rudy vows to frfee them from kyri,laa and starts going artound in a mask as the black eagle to fightn kyrilla

is this a super hero moivie?

so rudy sends a note to kyrilla saying hes comming for him and kyrilla sez hes brave but a popped boioze bottle freaks his fata55 out

later rudy sees a chick weho k lord sended a guy to seize their cr-p and rides off on a horses a55

as a horse goes under a bridge, rudy ijn masked hero eagle guy, jacks the guys items by poulling him up and lets him go

then gives the ghirl who was jacked of sh-t what he took from ther guy

later the dauhgter and lady are goiung down the road in a cart and a buncha biker gangs on horseback attack and catche m

the lady tries to use her candya55 dog on em but it doe nothing

its the black eagles goons and trhey send her back but keep the daughter

rudy in mask sees her and finds shes k lords kid and lets her go

is this where captain blood goyt it or did this come after ?

he shakes her hand and his ring f'd it and she bites her hand

rusdy asks if they met but she sez no then she wealks off

hje follows on forse and she dont anna ride it and is stubborn

so in guess theyre gonna fall in love and haVE 50 BABIES

eventyally she gets on the horse and smmiles at him and goes off

later rudy goers to the post office and acts like a frenchie and speaks non candaian frecnh aka real frecnh aka noin devolved frtench

he getes a cart and horses and goes to kyllias place to teach his dauighter french

wait, its another guy who is the french tutor and errol flynn i mean rudy is going in a cart with him

so on the way there, rudy tied and gags the frenchie and takes huis place as the tutor, and leaves him in the cart.

rudyu is gonna shank kyrilla but daughter comes in and he sheathes his cain sword

she asks if they met and he paraphrases her comment on her meetng himn b4

they shake hands and she recognizes his ring and he sez the black eagle held up his coach and gave him the ring to give to ger as a token of devotion

she sez to return it and kyrilla sez he'd rip out his heart if he were here like ion mortal kombat

ruidy gives him a note from the b e saying he freed his daughter but is commingh for him

later they are having a meal and he puts too much peppeer in his soup

theres a good moving shot of the table as the camera goes back and we see da feast

they toast to kryillas long life and rudy is a bit f'd anmd under kyriuillas plate is anote from the eagle

bud eagel like wild guyitar??

later the people dance and rudy talkx with daughter about the b e and hoiw she weants him tio not take revenge

btw, sahouldnt he be against the czarina? i mean this guy was just following orders, she GAVE the orders!

do kyrilla likes how his kids frencxh is comming and lets rudy in the basement to get wine

but in there he seez the bear and daughter finds out and gores in

the bear chain breaks and it comes for the daughter so rudy pulls out a weapon and caps the bear to h e double england

a good guy with a gun saved a life! its harambe 2! or rather 0 as this came 1st

she sees him as the eagle anbd blacks out, then later, sdhe reads the bible at night about not seeking vengeance

in da gaerxen; a beardo tellls ruidy the men are tired of waiting and want him to do his osth of vengeance

daughter hears something outside abnd goes oyut, wait, she just puts the bible open to that part on rudys deck

rudys comming sio she hides in the closet and rudy reads it, thern reads "an eye for an eye" anbd highlights it

he gets his firearm friom the closet anbd she isnt seen asnd wwhen she comes out after he left, reads the eye passage

rudy goes to lhyrions bedroom andf is in his mask anf wakes him uyp at gunpoint

daughter coomes in with a gun at b e and he lowers his weapon and jumps out the wiindow

dad gets the gun but its not loaded dso he can't j fk ruiy

the people fiund the eagel was here and rudy is one of em and i think rudy is gonna guard khyron

he sez to daufhtyer the eabnnfgel wont hatm her dad when hes there and sheb smiles and gives him a gun

they go to bed and dauighter walks in on rudy strangling her dad, which was probabl;y j=rkin him off in thge real version

but hes actually massauging his headache away and goes to teacvh her the french

shes not in the mood for lessiopns and he offers a massage like some kinda creeper as hes her teacher and dad comes in and tries to help her

rudy heels i mean feels her neck and jaw and where her double chin would be if she was a fata55

he asks how she fells of him and she sez she hates him and goos off

he follows and she sez she'd call her dads cossacks and out him but sees the cossacks have caught the eagles lierutnent outside

khyron interrogates him and they take off his shirt and k man whips him

rudy comes out about being the eagle and dads men come up

daughter locks the door but rudy sez he wont run and she admits to loving him and they smooch

the cossacks break in and he escapes in a hidden passage andf brings her wqith him

rudy frees his lieutenant and he chcik and lierintien esdcape as the cossacks come after em

hes caughhtsd by the guards anmdf its the czarinas goons who catch him as they have his wanted postyer and a death warrent

wait, shes signing his death watrrent and her cutrrent butt buddy asks her to free him as becauser of rudy that she started b0ning him

the regess puts butt buddy in charge of his execution and the rudy juewlini has 1 final request, and they let him have it; marrying the daughter

after he kisses the bride; the butt buddy comes in and shwows him something so rudy kisses his cheeks as he's eurtopean

funny how rudy plays a soviet yet is french italiano, but in the biopic valentino from 77: they got a soviet guy to play rudy

so he makes out with his new woman i meean wife and is taken away to be put to sleep

at 6 pm he's gonna get the firing squad and butt buddy begs toi not end him, wait, itsx czarina who begs and they it hits 6 and the troops firte their muskets

czarniea is bummed and butt buddy asks czarina  to signs a passport for the frecnhie

sahe sees its valinteino and he sez its not and she realizes the thing and signs it happlily

turns out the troops were firing at target practive fake people, or jiinzo ningen in nihonbgo and czarina seez valintinoi and daughter coming i mean going in a cart tio go to candy a55 france

the end

That was quite good

nice romance and action and suspene

good filming and style and it has a good show of how monarchy is a danger

the twists were nice and i kinda suspected he'd live at the end

the mask was like zorro or batman or black satan(remember him??)

its a decent movie based on a book i never read and i'm glad i saw it

plus its only like 70 mins

For The Eagle 2 I want him to be dealing with lusty frenchies in a daemon cult trying to take over franch and then extrend to the rest of earth, so he has to resume the role of the black eagle to take them on. also its an 8 bit platform game like Shinobi on sega master systema dn game gear, nes and gamer boy, tg 16, atari 7800 and lynx where ytou play as rudy in a mask and fight the fgrenchies with a bladed yoyo and other gadgets to savedd the world

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