Wednesday, March 23, 2022

Bluebeard Review

 Note;‬ I spell el piuratey matey, arrrrge!


This is my revierw on Bluebeard from 1944 (100 years before the 3rd Robotech War withere the Invid attacked)

Its directed by Edgar G Ulmer who did The Black Cat in 34, The Man From Planet X in 51 and Hannibal in 59

Its written by Charles Perrault in the 1600sd who made these f;d up dark storys that were also dome by the brothers grimm and often have cannibalism

I nervver saw this but in the 00s I took a Fantasy and Fairy Tales class in College as I needed an elective and already took Japanese Cuylture, and it was either this or Vampires in our culture, and: Twiligfht! No!

It stars John Carridine, Jean Parker froom Beyond Tomorrow, Nils Asther from Laugh Clown Laugh and Our Dancing Daughters, Ludwig Stossel from The Testament Of Dr Mabuse, Teala Loring (like teela in He Man?) from Double Indemnity, Henry Kolker from the 30s Romeo and Julietye, Iris Adrian from Mighty Joe Young in the 40s, Harry Cording from the 300s blacvk cat/treasure uisland/count of monte cristo/greak expectations/captain blood/robin hood/huncxhback of notre dame, Frank Darien fromn The grApes of Wrath, George Irving from Sergeant York, Island of Losr Souls and Wings, Ethelreda Leopold from My Man Godfrey/The Wizard of Oz/The Great Dictator/Myra Breckinridge/Young Frankenstein and Married... with Children, and a buncxha 19800s dudes i never saw

I never saw tghis but hear it did we;ll in reviews

After title and credits, which has John Carter doing sound, as I guess he's back from mars, these napoleon hat looking dides find a womANS BODY IN THE RIVBER


a i mean many girls are bashed by their rents for bewing out with the blue beard out at night in case the blue beard got em

you know, if they had a gun or a switchblade or a hammer or nunchaku, they could dewfendd themselves

so these bimbos go out together and run intio a guy callled trhe puppeteer who calls himself gaston like that disdney movie

he seems a bit creepy and sez his puppet shopws aint dooing well with the blue beard roaming around and the chix say they'll come to his show

then its this puppet show that might creep people out today  and looks a bit rankin bass and theres a big a55 crowd

pupper man does trhe voices and singing and its like a 40s disney movie and the girl puppet iced hher kid

wait; the other puppets are doner by a greasy guy and a chick

d hero puppet guy looks at thr crowd and then has his puppet come out looking like dracula and they sing

the puppets sing and the background opens andf therws angels and fire

wtf is this?! i dont get it! is she dead? did she go to hg e double england?

pupper man goes downn and collects money and chats with the chix from b4 about how he made the puppets

he invites 1 girl back to show her his puppet costuimes (noooooooooooo!) aND SEZ 1 ppast work got iced

theres a chick watching them and he brings her off totalk without other watcbing

she asks f she can make a puppet of her and he compliments her looks and is gonna

maimn chicks friends call for her and she goes back after saying she''d make a costume

greasy guy sez a girl is looking for hijm abnd he sez to dsay hes looking for her and gives him some money

he goos hoome and theres a girl there who was spying on them and is jealous of him talking to that girl

i assume sges the killer and wanted to either frame him or take out those who ruval her

shes gay for him and kinda nuts, well, sger ISn frencxh! They can be kinda mental!

so she says somethuiing and it fades to her uncxoncious and he carrrys her like in the cabiunet of dr caligari and dumps her in the river

he sure took a dump! a jean claude van dump! cuz its french!

the cops find her and the pupper mastet sees this cop head or something abnout the iced chick and he sez she was out in the am and her bed wasnt used

cop calls for the next lead and pupper mastyer meets greasy guy who te tells they will do faust again when thery have a ew female lead

so puppet master wants to make a new puppet show and wants the main chick to just make him new costumes for his puppewts

he sendfs greasy guy to get main chick and keep her friernds out and he goes there and invites her and she comes

at puppeto's place he brings ger aNDF sez he hopes pupper makes a doll of him and he shows i mean pupprty shows her the designs and sez he wants to put more time in his puppets anfd stop painting

she finds a cloth from the chick he iced and its torn but shefixes it and wonders whgat the deal is

he cant tells her andsezshe aasks too many questyions and he has sh-t to hide

later pippopinvites a guy in who sez the cops found the latest body andtries to get him to stop icing people

also puppet toad sells this guy puppets and i mean paintings and this guy sold the latest one to some high class homie i cant recall, like a duke or prince or sopme cr-p

so puppeto woeries the chick in the painting will be recognized  as its 1 of his vuictiums and the high class guy exhibits his paintings

later a guy comes by the exhibit and sez the chick in there was one of blue beardsz victims and i think this guy is the cop or something and wants the higfh class guy to help

he tells cop he got it from an art dealer and cop knows the dealer and high class sez the frenchie name al bear was the painter

cip then chex dealer and dealer sez he dont recall with how much art he deals and dont recall the painting or painter and cop sez he was told the painter wouyld be famous

dealeroffers cop a painting and deaker recalls the guy who sold it and said it was from a guy who said it was in the fam a  long time

btw this is b/w aND IN WIDESCVREEN

so later main chick meets a female homie whos behind one of those folding things people got changed behind and shes going to meet a guy

main chick sez girl friend is never home abnymore and she replies to not intergere in her issues

i assume shes out b0ning bguys

later puppetr master comes over and girl friend wants to meet him but shes getting dressed in castlevania era clothes as they didnm't do tank tops and miniskirts back then

puppot wants to see if the clothes for puppets are done and they aint so he goes

later main chick shows her female friend who is her sister to the head cop at a meeting and they talk about bluebeard

cop tells about the painting and he shows her it in a court room or something in a meeting with a buncha guys

the judge asks if she knows of the painter and she dont and the wait, she aks i mewan he asks another girl 1st

they are asking various chicks about ther painting and this 30s blonde is called up and the court guy implies she's a wh0re and jokes of her as the court laughs

oh they are asking models in case they recognized the art style or artist

so later they try i mean i think the high class guy asks ther art dealer to get a cerrtain art style, wait, its a worker of the high class guy and the hgih class guy is the duke

so duke jr compliments the al bear and wants him to paint this chick who claims to be his daughter butn dealer dont want to help

until he's offered 75 000 franks and dealer wants 160 000 franks and its agreeded he'd try to help but if its a guy who uses a fake name then he needs to stay private

i think its the sister who fakes being the duke jr duaghter

later dealer wants puppet master pay i eman to paint and if not he;d not let him live there

puppet master dont wanna do it but is offered 25 000 to 30 000 franks to do it and he dont want as hes done painting and thinks its too risky

dealer sez she's getting married and going to America but puppet master thinks its a trap, but agrees to do it in traders studio

meanwhile the cop plans for it and is gonna have men at every exit and a signal in the window

later dealer and sister are at this place with duke jr and sayds there is no visitors and dealer brings sister to see puppet master

pupper master is behind curetains and uses mirrors to see her, which is filmed in a cool way

dealer gets paid by duke jr and sister asks about other pictures done by pupper mapsey

duke jr gives i mean gets a match from dealer for his smokes to send him to h e double soviet franch and is shown other paintings by dealer

sister asks puppet master to give her a back ground oin her painting like the dukes picture aND AFTER having issues with her poses, puppet master goes to fix her posing

dealer leaves duke jr and listens in on them as puppet master is recognized by sister as the puppeteer and she dumba55ly blowes her cover sayuing "ur bloo deard!"

he takes off his neck thing and wraps it on her neck and the rest happens offscreen

the duke jr gives trhe signal by moving a flame in the window but is clubbed from behind with the candlestick by trhe dealer

puppero tries to sneak out as dealer tries to flee with ther money but pupppet mastyer catches him and asks how many others he told he painted it

dealer says no one and puppet master sees dealer was gonna sneak out to let him take the blame

the door rings and they see its the cops and puppetop fights dealer for a while

the coips come in and break in da door but by the tome trhey break the other door they see dealer dead on the floor and puppetmastwer has escaped in a hidden passage

he runms through the dark area as cops hunt and the cops in the place tend to the victims

duke jr comes to but priobably is gonna bite it from brain dammage and the cops find the sister iced

they have a servive for her and head cop tells main chick they only have 1 clue; the neck thing that she recognizes as the one she fixed

cop goes and puppet man comes in and she asks what happened to his neck thjing as its got no stitches

he sez its a new one ands she wonders what happenewd with the 1st one

so later puppet master in attack mode uses his effect to pay 2000 life poiunts to summon 2 fiends from the graveyand i mean is in his home and main chick comes to see him

she asks to see the cloth thing she mended fopr him and he sez she trhew it away and he sez he was in the whole while and dont paint anymore when she asks

he sez hes gay for her and tells her he dont wanna paint her as he nearly starved as an art stufdent and wanted to do something epic

he made cr-ppy art but one day found a collapsed girl and cared for her but found by painting her there was something special about her that reminded hi of this maid of something

the painting sold well and she got better and left and one day trader gave him a letter from the acadenmy saying his painting of the sick girl would have in the loov and won an award

he wanted to share his joy with her but couldn't find her , but then did and found she was a 5kank and a low brow dink

she couldnt i eman he couldnt take it and snapped and stranged her

now each time he painted, he painted like it was her and turned to puppeting as he can take out his anger on them

and cuz trader knew his secret, he had to paint for him to sell em, but as each girl he painted was done like the 5kanbk, he had to ice her

wow this is like big bang theroy svu

but now he found her and sees her as a better version of the 5kank and he can use her to turn good

so now he can;'t paint her as it might make him ice her

she asks why her sister and he sez he didn't wanna but did it as a one last time to be free

but he didn't know it was her sister and he thought the chick he iced was gonna cause issues and he couldnt take it

he sez anything thast gets in the way of happiness must be ended and she wants to go to the cops

btw the whole "I iced people but now dont gotta as i found what I need but am probably gonna get wacked as then movie ends" was done in Murders in the Rue Morgue in the 30s

he stops her and sez he wopuldnt let her turn on him anfd hugs her bnut them strangles her

so the cops come in and they have musklets but dont fire as they are candy a55 frenchies

actually 1 fires but cuz he's a frecnhie he s-clked at it

he esacapes\ to the roof and and fights in the darknesds so we dont really see anything

head cop tells chick, who is alive, that he followed her thinking she found something and the puppeter is on the dark roof, the floor breaks and he falls in the water

then it shows the starting building and sez fin liuke the guy from street sharks

the end

that was pretty good

not 100% accurate to the probablyu true story, but not bad

its only like 70 mins and has a good style

nice darkness and bit of light

good twists and characters

its well made and doesn't need swearing or b0ning or nude scenes or gore to make it cool

its a good period piece and holds up well

plus ther art is pretty good, like something in Castlevanias or TMNT Trourament Fighters on Seag Genesis

even though we know who the killer is, his secret reason for doing it is kept hidden untiil the end

and the end is like the 20s Phantom of the Opera or something where its a bad guy who has issues that make him not all bad, goes nuts and getting it

both even fdall in the water in franch!

i liked this and its worth a look

although the end is kinda hard to see

For Bluebeard 2 i want it to pick up where the 1st one left off and they are trying to find his body, but as they didn't, its a chance he's still alive. also he's still alive and going around wasting people as he's fully snapped and has nothing better to do. also its an 8 bit sega master system and game gear, nes and game boy, atari 7800 and lynx and tg16 game where you play as blue beard the gaston puppet master in attack mode and go around hiding and getting close in the shadows to the chicks and pulling off their heads with your bare hands

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