Tuesday, May 1, 2018

The Man From Button Willow Review

note; I know nothing of this film. so my typoes are good
the man from button willow
this is my review on the man from button willow
my homeboy scotty recommended this film to me when I asked him if theres any films he wants me to do
so here we go
it as with a guy talking about after America lost the civil war they started a rairlroad
but one problem was people buying land ahead of the railroad and charging the guv to railroad it
isn't that exactly what ray croc did to mcdonalds?
also, the carpet baggers are ok but this is seen as bad?
so the guv sent investigators to stop people from owning property
what is this?! soviet Canada?!
but often these goons didn't return
send em back to h-ll!
but the gov sent a secret group to stop the americans
one was Justin eagle
and this is his story
btw Justin is kind of a candy a55 name now
esp after Bieber, trudeau and timberlake
what next?
justin wayne gaCY?
then we get animated credits with a song About the man from button willow(Justin candya55)
wtf this is animated
narrator describes the town and Justin returns
he tells em about hw san fran siscko is doing as he was just there
man, they reuse the animation of him on his horse a lot
he goes to church (which would probably be made to look bad if this was made today)
da gov is ready to connect new york to California by railroad
that's like making the human centipede!
then this fat chick flirts with Justin for looking after an Asian girl
but Justin sez he has a gf and the fat chick gets p-ssed
its revealed the girls dad bit it and gave custody to Justin
also Justin implies the girl is his secret gf
is this like Asuka and ein/ain in Hokuto no ken 2?
or like Edward g robinson and his daughter/gf in hatchet man?
btw this film is in proper full screen so no black bars eating the top/bottom
this geezer talks to Justin about the railroad and an obvious bad guy hears
after church he asks about the bad guys and a guy sez the bad guys are new
they have that new villain smell
btw the geezer has a pet skunk and a skunk hat
on the way back, geezer tells the girl why he didn't marry
in song
every 4 seconds he sez "excuse me" for no reason
if he were Canadian he'd say sorry
as Justin gets home, this blue bird tells all the animals
oh and theres an eagle around for some reason
btw i'm not sure what the little girl is
she says "san" like in japan but dresses like they do in china
not sure the writers/animators new the difference
like how Irishmen and polishmen are the same
just look at polish wedding
also Justin often goes out for a while and don't say where he was
I think that also happened in brokeback mountain
also the Justin's horses are in love
wtf the pet skunk is in love with the skunk hat
later geezer is looking for a pidgin and talks to animals
but it identifies as a chicken and sits on eggs
that's cultural appropriation!!
so geezer uses pidgin to send a message
but it f's with him and goes into the chickens room
so geezer hits the room with a shovel and it rockets the pidgin out
wouldn't that break the eggs?
but then theres something wrong with an animal
when the gang is walking back/forth, they give his gun on 1 leg but not the other
kinda figured they'd have it on both
they animated this better than I thought
so the white horse pooped out a brown baby horse
but who is the father?!
find out, today, on maury!!
then baby horse learn to walk
its legs are all f'd up
man, these horses aint as attractive as the my little pony babes
then animals just move around fore several minutes
how plot relevant
wasn't this about a cowboy or something?
later the girl goes to sleep
such a needed scene
its like in the room how its day, then night, then day again
otherwise going from day to day wont show its a new day
so after breakfast Justin talks to the animals
then sings
they give the animals personality
but don't say the reason most were bred was to be cooked
then hes driving his wagon in a straight line left to right as a song plays
so in town geezer gets a 1. 50 $ shovel for 1. 10 $
then the girl gets him to give a good deel on yarn
oh and a senator is coming
and a fam was scared away from their place being burned away
wait, I thought the gov was trying to keep people from their land so they could have it
now theres a 3rd gang?
oh and the bad guys are worried about the senator
but one sez hes being taken care of now
then more of the baby a55 horse
he finds a fence break and gets out
but dog and skunk follow
and his rents do nothing
its like in pet semetary how the kid kept going into the road
in a rocky place, baby horse is seen by a cougar
and baby horse don't notice
it finally notices and runs
you know he wont eat the little horse
not in a 60s film
skunk goes for help and dog is too candya55 to do anything
somehow horses speak skunk and dad horse goes out
if u watched him then this could've been avoided
btw somehow this baby horse has outran a full grown cougar
so cougar traps baby horse but dog tries to save it
and gets his a55 kicked
then dad horse comes in and they kung fu fight
after reusing animation and bloodless violence, cougar is thrown off a cliff
but I think the dogs dead
see you in h-ll dog a55!
so dad horse picks it up by its collar and puts it on baby horse to carry back
yeah, that makes sense
so Justin comes home and sends the grade school girl to ride bareback on a horse to get da dr
this is more like a little house on the prairie ep than a western
btw the dad saving the kid from an animal was ripped off by the lion king and sorta in beauty and the beast
the girl prays to what looks like the stars not for the dog to bite it
and it works as he was ok the whole time
was she raying to an angel?
later the senator disappeared
and his vote was needed to do something
so the railroads might not link
and 1 guy sends the pidgin with message back from san fran aids
later on eagle place, Justin shoots a club off an ace of clubs
and says the girls dad was better
then the pidgin returns all loopy flying
geezer sez someones feedin da burd somethin
is that a drug reference?
so the message is an eagle image and da words san fran sicscko
also the skunk tries to steal the skunk hat to b0ne
so Justin says bye to the girl and it tries to be sad
btw justins horse is named rebel
and he got it from a civil war guy
I assume he was confederate
wtf around 58;11 in, the horse has solid green eyes
wtf is it possessed?!
then dae geezer sings about working
and its all cr-p like teaching a tree to bark
and has much reused animation
so at a foggy night, Justin arrives in soviet san fran sisco to meet his boss
boss sez on this mission, he cant get help as the guv cant let anyone know of these missions
he has to find a captured senator on a boat
senator has info on the bad guy cheeting people outta their land
he knows where the railroads will meet
and wants to buy the land to sell it for profit
why is that bad?!
what do you think people do on ebay?!
what happened to the free market?!
freekin commie a55 union!
oh and the senator might get wacked
btw we're like an hour in b4 he real plot starts
so Justin looks for info and goes to a saloon to get info on the boat
in da saloon a really Asian guy sings a song like the one baby jane sung about her letter to daddy
and this guy is shanghaiing people by putting them behind a curtain
i'm from the 80s/90s
I don't know what that means
not 1880s
so Justin starts a fight and everyone brawls
very minor violence
not as bad as loony toons
in the chaos Justin gets behind the curtains and falls in a trap door to a boat where knocked out guys are rowboated
he fakes being ko'ed and is taken to da boat
why did they wait to wack the senator?
why not just shank his a55 and dump him in the ocean?
or grind him up and serve him as meat pies like sweeny todd?
btw I'm not sure but the captain either has shadows around his eyes or no skin there
in da boat prisoner place is the senator
b4 the guys take them out on deck to b0ne em dead, Justin and a swede wants to beat the captain and make him turn the boat around
I think this happened in the sega game last battle
aka; Hokuto no ken 2
but the lights are on in the captain place and they would be seen
so Justin shoots em out
why didnt they take his gun?!
so the crew are alerted  and he shoots out a new light they light
Justin beats up the boat people and swede goes for the captain
much reused animation
after they take out more guys, captain sends a guy to ice senator
oh and 1 guy shoots at swede
they have guns?!
why not use em b4?!
captain shoots out justins rope he swings on but senator takes out captain
they drop a life boat so the killers don't bite it
then head back
senator asks why Justin does this work
he sez; to protect the freedom of the country
like the freedom to buy and sell what you want??!!
that's one reason we left soviet England!!
I'm not saying wacking the senator is good
but he shouldn't have misused his power to fight independent citizens!
if I want something on ebay, I don't block everyone else from bidding on it!
that's cheating!
so after much reused footage of him riding his horse, Justin returns home
he tells the girl to go to sleep but geezer makes him coffee
how fair
dad; don't drink pop! eat healthy! (chugs beer)
Justin tells the girl the bad guys (who were the main enemy but only in like 55 seconds of film) were picked up
then geezer makes the dog, skunk and bird sleep outside
that's racist
also it rips off the flintstones
esp after the girl lets em back in
then credits with more reused animation and a western song about being a man
the end
I didn't hate it
it wasn't awful
just kinda j-rks off most of the time with filler
its like bad dbz
plus I don't like how they make big gov fighting private citizens look good and make the private citizens look bad
but the movie isn't unwatchable
the original animation is ok
better than todays cr-p
and yeah it gets reused, but I assume that was for budget reasons
its only like 80 mins and most people wont notice the recyclage
plus there ant many animated westerns
even though this is in California and the final fight is on a boat
its not the worst ive seen
was this a true story?
ah they'd put it on the history channel anyway
like 2001 a space odyssey and deep impact 
for the man from button willow 2 I want it to be 10 years later and the girl is a teen but still wears the same outfit. she hears word of thunderbird attacks near san fran sisco and goes out to fight it. turns out, theres a portal to h-ll in san fran sisco and the thunderbird is a daemon out to collect souls. and she must fight people possessed by its power. its also a 16 bit action/platform game like Castlevania or valis on sega genesis, super Nintendo and turbografix 16. She also has guardian angels that can save her a certain number of times per level or unleash a blast of holy energy as a super attack

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