Saturday, July 18, 2020

Gods And Monsters Review

Note; I spell monstrous

gods and monsters

this is my review on gofd and monsters from the distant future year od 1998(tje year the global civil war happened in robotech)

its got brendon fraiser and no one ielae ii know

its based on a ture story and is directed by bill coondon who did the cr-ppy beauty and the beast remake, a few twilight movies (gay!!!) and Candyman: Farewell to the Flesh

so it sttarts with a guy going somewhere in a car over credits and wtf ian mckellen from x men is in this

so ian is jimmy whale,who has viet nam flashnacks looking at brendon working in the garden andchats with him aboutbrendo''s marines tattoo and gives consent to use the pool

then he goes to this room and has a flashback, before meetiiing a fan of his 30s movies who's kinda pbnoious

he then tells his story of his life and how his fam was in the church and has a vietnam flashback

after the war he got into play design sets and after journey's end, he got to holly would and gets triggered by the guy asking about his horror movies

jimmy sez each question he answers will make interviewer removie 1 piece of clothing

he gos on about how it dont matter who you b00ne as long as you keepo it outta the papers and george cukor was inot boys

eventually interviewer is down to his undies and they talk about Frankenstrein

as jimmy reaches for his dropped cigarhe spazzes out and needs his maid/nurse.slave to give him his pills

interviewer says he was gonna go swimming to cover being in his undies andn goes home b4 james b0nes him

fter soem viet ww1 flashbacks, a dr chex him oot and sezz he hasd a minor stroke

he's been having racing thoughts and phantom smells and i think hes got a daemon!!

so after a phantasy of taking a handfull of pills to go straight to h-ll, he goes back to watching brendon fraiser and invites hom in for iced tea

btw i should point out that the real brendon fraoser was f';d by a creepy gay hollywood producer and it f'd his career so this movie is kinda weird for that

brendon finds out ian was famous but and liked the frakendstien movies and jimmy sez hes got a nice head

head ffetish!!

like foot fetish but the other end!!

he wantsbrendon tio model for him and will pay him for it and whhen brendon asks if he wanys to draw him nude, ian sez no, just te head

brebdon consents (nooooooooooooooooooo!!) andlater in the library chex out papers on jimmy whale

when he retirns forr the picture the nurse/maid/slave  asks if hes gonna hurt jimmty

iaN OFFERS jmmy i meean brendon drinks and brendon sez they showing bride od frankenschwartz tonight

for the drawing, jimmy sez brendons shirt is too white and he has brendon take it off

brendon!! get outta there!!! now!!!!!

they talk about their lives and backstrpiyes and jimmy ssez"every englishmen knows his place annd if you forgot,  there was someone to remind you'

jhow unamerican

in america, anyone can do anything!

ben carson grew up in the slums and  rose to be a chids saving brain surgeon and nearly presadent

in soviet englaand and soviet india, your poaition is assigned from birth

like krypton in Man of Steel

so jimmy goes on about not fitting in and his life s-cked and  kinda spazzes out

later at a bar, brendon chats with the guys and a chick thinks jimmy is queer and ttug to b0ne him

they wwatch a jjames whale movie and i think its bride of freakenstein and 1  guy on there says gods and monsters

btw this movie is super widescreen and they cropped the 30s film

at da barthe chick dont get it and jimmy and nurse watch it on tv at home

also they inmp0y the movie is into naeecrophilia

not that theres anything wrong with that

its natural

animals do it

some are necro and some are bio

then flashy back to making the bride and thwy talk about how the dr's were queer for dressing and doing the hair of da bride

then berndon breaks up woth his gf and jimmy has flashbacks to i mrean dreams of brendon making him as the monster

later btrendo coomes by and nurse says he needs a woman and brendon jokes shes  coming on to him

maiid was maarried but her man bit it (maybe in ww2?) and shes ot kids and grand ki8fs and she warns brendon of the sins of jimmy and eventually says hes indo sodomy

then jimmy is reading mail annd  b--ching amndbrendon drinks some hopefully not drugged booze

they talk about watchingthe movie and jimmy sez it was mrant to be funny

jimmy asks brendon if he iced anyone in soviet korea andd brendon isnt big on tallking of it

jimmy invittes him to do another picture but brendon dont consent

so they have a smoke and brendo asks if ian is gay for him and ian sez no

they talk about brendos life and girl stuff and then lets iandraw him

he sez he stopped making films cuz he wanted to be free and how he wanted to make a ssrs ww1 film but the studion f;d it

jimmy goes on about the men he b0ned and brendon has enough and leaves

i think jimmy is trying to turn him

then ian has a flashmach of a guy diving into his pool in small undies

oh f i think theres nake d men!!

its like a greek art exhibit!

so later brendon returns and sez i'll sit for u if you stop the locker room talk

ian talks about brendons fear and brendon sez its disgust and ian sez its the same thing

is that why they have people eating buffalo testickles and pig uterus on fear factor?

jimmy talks about his ww1 days and how his butt buddy was this innocent kid nd then ets emotional about it and mad at brendon for his flashbacks

then he kinda has a minor spazz and brendon tells him off for being weird

jimmy invirtees brendo to a reception for princess mags of soviet england

after a ww1 flashbek,jimmy and brendo drive to this place and oh its george cukors place

mags wants to have jimmy draw her but thinks hes cecil beaton

at the parrty he meets the interviewer who now works for george cukor and is probably being butt hammered by him

he reunites with the chick from the bride of frankeinsiten and brois karloff

they take a photoe and the camera flash gives him ww1 flashbackls

so it rains and jimmy sez; lets get out of this f--khole and they go home

so they go home and they talk about war and sh-t and how the guy heliked got shredded by gufire and was stuck on barbed wire and they just left him and joked about it

wow, england is evil

we shouldve sided with zee kaizer

so jimmy's drawings s-ck now and brendo gets naked for jimmy to draw (but we dont see his footlong)

to satisfy his fetish, jimmy has brando wear a ww1 gas mask and b4 he takes it off, ian starts feeling him up and kissing his body

they he tries to b0ne him and brendon fights him off and kciks his a55

then he se he wwants brtandon to ice him but brendon se I AM NOT YOUR MONSTER and releaseds him from his kung fu grip

jimmy asks for forgiveness and has brendon help him get dressed

i mwan undressed

he puts jimmy to bed and jjimmy dreamsof his ww1 butt buddy in the fields of corpses and eait hes with brendon

jimmy lies down with hisiced homies and da next day brendo wakes up in jimmys place and finds jimmy floating in da pool like rodney king

he pulls him out but jimmy is alread in h e double england

nerse finds a suicide note and she smooches his corpse on da llips

nurse sez brendo has to book it b4 da cops show up and they put him back in da pool so they wont know btendom was there

i shoulve called him fraise like the cheers giy

then we see brendos son watchingbride of frankenstein with brendon and after its over he sez he knew the director

fraiser shows his son apicture drawn by jimmy and as he takes out da trash it rainds ad he acts like da monster

then credits like in a 30s film

the end

that was pretty good

nie 90s feel and good story

kinda dark but well made and had good effort put in

kinda creepy how the real fraiser was f'd by a soviet hollywood guy

i'm into biopix and this one was well made

oh and this is not the movie gods and generals, kinda like how malcom x is not related to jason x

for gods and monsters 2 i want the kid of brendon fraiser to be into james whale and uses a ouija board to contact his ghost. it opens a portal to h-ll and all these dead hollywood purvuets come out and start ghost b0ning everyone. Fraiser, now trained in ghost kungg fu, must fight them off and send them back to h-ll by beating them up enf til they poof into glitter. Its also a 16 bit beat em up on sega genesis, snes, gba, tg16 and atari jaguar where you play as brendon fraiser or or wife or both and fight through several hollywood areas in the 70s and both are bg and buff like hollywood hulk hogan.

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