Wednesday, July 22, 2020

The Wonderful Country Review

Notte: I spell anti wonderful

tthe wondderful country

this is my review on the wonderful country  from the distant future year of 1959

its based on a book i never rread and stars robert mitchum and no one elaae i know of

its directed by Robert Parrish who did Casino Royale, Fire Down Below and The Sanfransicko Story(which i saw none of)

i never saw this b4 but saw it was on and ffelt i'd  do it

so after the MGM logo and colored credits o a widescreen thing of the wastelands, wait i think itss fullscree, these mexicans are going by the rio grand

this agent mexicam comes by to bring the caet they are taking the the mexicans dont trust him

i think the agent is mitchum

so the meecicanis go to this town, wait, i think mitchum is the head of the mexicanss bringing the cart

in down mitchums horse f's out and he fallls and busts his leg

he;s in Texas i think and the heroic americans help him and say he stinks as he'ss been riding 26 days

the dr fix's his ff'd leg and say he's gonna be here a few months

mitchum sez he rides foor the castro bros (Like Justin Trudeau's dad and uncle?) and his cart is with some guys by the river and was bringing guns

so mitchum is really an american but works in sooviet mexico andthis army guy wants to help him

later they give mitchum a bath as hhe''s got the body odor andd give him a haircut and new clothes so he don't look like a Fist of the North Star guy

hhe then goes to the army hospitall on crutches to see the major (amrymy guy from b4) and this chick is there he;s probably gonna fall in love wiith

ohhh, she's mrs major

they talk and mitchum sez hes from misori but lives in soviet mexico

she's  kinda buummeed over havving to move often for her husbands workk

mitchum chsats with majorr about how as he works for the castroes, he's seen things and gets info ffrom mitchum aboyt them

major wants to use mitchum to team up with the castroes to stop the apaches

but mitchum sez the castores let the apache's hide on their lands and major se he needs to do soomething to make it worth the castroes while

nowadays, the apache's woyuld be the oppressed heroes and the gov would be the bad guys

what next? a 1776 movuie with the brits as the heroes?

so later, while drinking with the guys, mitchum se the castores will f over the apaches for cash

what are they? blizzard/disney?

a guy talks to mitchum about how mitchums dad fought with him and got iced years ago but the icer got iced

and he thinks mitchum iced him as a kid

and he wants mitchum to join the texas rangers (like chuck norris??)

then mitchum finds the wagon and guns vanished and thr castores blame hhim and dont care he broke his leg and want him to return

mitchum dont consent but the castro worker se he blongs to the castores and mexico owns him

is this a thing on unions?

huh, this didn't do well at the box oriface

so mitchiim goes to the saloon and meets major bedhead and his woman and chats with texas rangers guy

mitchum tells chick  that hes thinkin of staying in townn and that she dont like her husband

she denies this and lathen one of mitchums friends getts in a fight with guys who talked sh-t about mitchum and gets wacked

mitchum caps the guy and its a big deal

mitchum puts the gun inside his mouth and says "one way out" before blowing his head off like in species 2

jk he reeally wanders off into the water  and oh its across the rio grand and talks with some shadowed over mexicoes who say they got some issues with uprisings or soomething

he sez he left his horse behind and needs it back and they want him to deliver a message to the super castro bros

good lighting and shade

it seems kinds evil

so mmitchum rides through the wastelands , ohhh, i just got it! the river crossing is the crossing the rubicon!

and mitchum is in some mexico town and meets his meixcino freind who's not sergetnt in food and drink

and one of the castores is the governer

so mitchum goes to see the super castro bros and they wanna know where the guns are

mitchum givs them the letter and they wanna now about the offer to fight this mexican gguy by the americans

mitchum tells em of the stuf in that toen that helped him and is told to tell the governer castro bro about the guns

so he goers to see governer castroo who sez worries his bro is gonna try to starscream him

mitchum needs a note and cash but gov dont wanna

also gov bashes mitchhum for looking texan

what is he? a soviet californian?!

so mitchum chats with a guy and its some kinda Saint Day or something and they have fireworks and weird a55 mexican rituals

btw this is set in the 80s, the 1880s!

wtf, major and wife are there

did he go back to confederate texas??

so mitchum chats with wfe about how hes got a 200$ bounty on him for cappin dat dreg and how hes not complete w/o his gun

i think they b0ned offscreen but i'm not sure

later mitchim meets gov castro who sez his bro wants to ice him and is malcontent being general of da army and ants miychum to waste him

mitchum dont consent and gov sez he owes them for the guns he lost and if he leaves w.o paying his debts he can be iced

thats mexico

0 huan rights

mitchum walks outand gov castro sends his goons after him

later he's staying with this mexican dad and hs teen daughter and apache's are near by

mitchum and the mexicoes fid some dead soldiers anndthey meet a black guy in the texas rangers or army or w/e

oh and its not the apache cheif they wanted the castroes to fight, but a new guy

he leads em to the campand major is there who sez he has a meeting with captain rucker of mexico forces

so mitchum leads a party to bring major to it

as they get near, major f's out and the wagon is surrounded by apaches

btw, the director also did Cry Danger which I hear is good

the army attacks and mitchum takes out thw wagon driver annd it crashes

they took out the new cheif and in da vagon eee american guns

i think its the ones mitchum was meant to deliver

major bites it and sez togive his woman his ring

he does and she sez if he wants her, to get her

wtf this was rated 12+ is brazil, france, germany, japan, portugal, south korea and west germany and 16+ in finand and norway

candy a55 countries

so mitchum returns da rifles to other brother who sez gov is iced and he wants the army guys outta his counttry and to give up mitchum

1 armny guy sez hes got a  witness revealing that the guy mitchu capped drew 1st and he'd stick up for mitchum as its self defence and there should be no punishment for defending yourself from a maniacc

so mitchum returns to da town butgunmen attack and he caps the gunman

his horse got cappped so he ggives it a 45 calibur lobotomy, puts down his gun and black hat, andcrosses the rio ggrand to be with the chick

the end

that was pretty good

nice story, good twists, good hints of the bigger piccture of the castroes and army as the main charactors are the focus of it

good filming andstyle and showing how mexicio hates america

nowadays the mexicoes would be the good guys and america would be the villian

but in the 50s we knew right

its a well done western and  has good work on it

for the wonderful country 2 i want the castro bro whho took out the gov bro to be oppressing his people and running his country into the ground to the point of people resorting to cannibalism. seeing a chance to help the worldd, america prepares a mission to take him out and set up aa free gov that it would lead the peeople by. its the 1890s andmitchum is married to the chick andshe's gotten really fat from several pregnancies in a row. the gun knows he's the best man for the job as he knows the way and secreets and area and people. he goes in with a crack team of assassins, including a ninja and a witch doctor, each with their own abilities, and  sneak through it with devices made by thomas edison to give them the edge. its also a 64 bit ds and psp game where you play as the team and swiitch characters to use their abilities to get past certain areas and the head castro bro has been practicing the black arts and now can devolve into a big chupacabra like abomination as the game boss.

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