Sunday, January 3, 2021

John Wick Review

 Note: I review spell bada55

Jlohn Whick

This is my review on John Wick from the distant future year of 2014 (The year the SDF ! and 2 were nuked by a Zentraedi attack in Robotech)

Its directed by Chad Stahelski (ooh, a pole) who did john wick 02 and 03

And stars Keanu Reeves froom Bil and Ted, Bridget Moynahan from blue bloods, Dean Winters from SVU, Ian McShane from Jack the Giant Slayer, John Leguizamo from The Super Mario Bros Movie and Willem Dafoe from the GOOD Spider Man ones

It got a lot of love and a bunch of sequels

I saw this once and liked it

so after opening credits we geta busted up keanu comming outta a  car and watching a cellphone vid of him and a  chick, then him blacking out

then title and an alarm clark goes off and its b4

he goes around this big a55 house alone with photoes of his woman and haas a flashback of her biting it

this is all without words and done well

so back in the now, its her anniversery and he drives his ferrari mustang and we getta flashbavk to her buriall

wimmel dafoe chats with keanu and comforts him, then goes and thiss time the flash back ends

he gets a package and its a dog with a letter from his woman saying this is something for him to love  when she bittes it

keanu crys and its good actimg and he groows on the dog

later, dog wants to sleep on his bed and he puts  it on towels but when he wakes up, the dog  is licking him with its a55 licking tongue

my dad keeps thinking this film is gonna be supernatural with keanu having powers or the dog being hisreincarnated wooman

so keanu goes out in his ferrari mustang and dog comes with him

at da gas sation some soviet guys are thereand smoking and 1  trys to buy his  car but keanu dont consent

keanu speaks soviet back to em and drives off and later drives around n airplane place like a contra level

later keanu has da dog sleep in hs bed annd when he goes down with the dog, the soviets are in his place and beat his a55, slay his dog, and b0ne his car

jk about the last one

so he wakes up later and his dog is back in h e double new york and he burys his dog in the backyard

after cleaning up he has viet nam flash backs and to the lasy night

mewnwhile, the sovviet guys bring in the ferrarri mustang andd eanugoes to their underground stolen property ring to ask for it back

the guy there tells keanu who jacked it and it was the  son of this big boss

the soviets act cocky and tell him they f''d up his dog and after some gunpointing, they leave

keanugets a car from him and big boss calls underground road rage ring guy over him punching son

once its said son kills keanus dog and jacked his car, big boss undersands

latter son sees big boss and boss beats his candy a55 like vegeta wailing on kid trunks

its revealed keanu was a bada55 assassin who was S Class and super perfect who left the league for a woman

meannwhile, keanu takes a sledgehammer to the floor of his  home to dog up his  hitman items

son wants to ice keanu but big boss knows thats not gonna do it annd tells him to go get f'd

big boss calls keanu and aasks to settle things peacefully but keanu hang up

so soviet keanu takes a shower and hes got soviet tattoos like hes yakuza or w/e and gets dressed

a buncha guys come  to his home and he easily wastes em cuz hes a bada55 was schwarzenegger or jean claude

then a cop comes by asking about a noise complaint and sees the body in the hall and leaves

they know ach other and its cordial

then hemakes  a dinner resurfvation for 12and this midget andd 2 orc sized guys come in to clean up te boduys

i think this is the dinner resurvation

meannwhile big boss sends cassiidy from law and order to get keannu

then willim kaiser wilhelm dafo is  isited by big boss to ice keanu for 2  million dolleridoos

so keanu goes to a hotel and hay, randall duk kim from dragonball evilution is in this

btw this filme is super widescree wiith black bars eating a bit of the screen on my rents widescreen tv

so keanu goes too a lower area and into a secret club zone with a band

he chats with jimmy mcshane who tys to get him to call off his crudsade but keanu jusst wants to know where soviet son is

also mcshane sez theres no business done on the area  as its neutral ground

he chats with this chick he knew

at this rave area with a pool by it these guys are partying aand keanu, oh its the soviets who iced his dog

son dont get how  big a deal keanu is

f--king millennials

keanu gets a guard at gnpoint and letss him go and keanu goes i, ices a guard and interrogates//beats a guy whostole his car

then wastes him and  few other guys as he sneaks through the area

att da ppool he takes out more guys and the bikini bimboes flee and trys to get get the son but h gets away

keanu goes agyer him and wastes people in a club like hes a gun ninja

soviet son escapes in a car wearing a towel and we ddont see his foot long uncut man thing and keanu fight and kills more guys in a rave

this is how the matrix shouldve been

so keanu gets out and the green goblin trys to j fk him but the shot is a bit off and he espaces.

then the chick from b4 somes at him and he takes ger down and they fight

he dont slug her like he dows the other guys but she gets full on hits on him

just throws and grapples

he throws her throwugh glass and answeeers the phon for a noise complaint and catches the chick at gun to head

she sez theres a new plot thing to do in a hidden area by a church and he i think either pistol whips her out or snaps her neck

so the its day and he does to da church an caps people like itd the mus lim countrys the news ignores and gets to this jail cell under the area

he  makes priest open the jail cell and gets these chicks out of there and torches the money and computers in the cell

so  this big black guy is in the keanu room with the chick whos tied up and awake now and she gets free and caps him thhrough a pillow on his face

then at the shipping yard keanu gets a machine gun and gunfights these guys

then hes caught and tied to a chair and big boss tells him off over his actions

also he punches kanu and mocks him for trying to leave the assassin life

btw they call hm baba jaga but say its the boogeyman, which isnt quite right

keanu tells off big boss and sez hes gonna ice the son but is head bagged to be iced

then green goblin j fk's the bag guys and keanu fights em off

why idn't they just cap him?

so keanu escapes and caps the car and it crashes and keanu has big boss at machinegunpoint

dad tells him where son is and that they know keanus comming

keanu lets him livee and walks off and at the base thesoviets are at, son plays xbox and theres all these armed guards

wait, its just another soviet playing xbox

and keanu j fk's the gamer

thats for trusting microsoft!

so keasnutakes out more guys, blows their carswwacks more guys

ooh, he got the son in the gut

then a headshot

this i what animal rights guys are into; murdering humans for a freakin animal

like peta spreading lies about framers seducing children cuz they raised animals to be made into meat or fur

so keanu chex outta da  hotel and gets a car and meets green goblin and the chick is nearby

keanu sez hes retirerd and goes off

then green goblin goes with some guys to a place and takes off his watch and stuff and big boss tells keanu hes disgruntled over his kid getting it

then we see big boss torturing green goblin for not icing keanu

he gets up and takes out a few guys but chick caps himand big boss finishes him with extra shots

keanu goe to the place goblin got iced and chick sees and gets a call

keanu sees the shot up body of the guy from platoon and chick goes somewhere and jimmy mcshane sez her emmbership from the club is over and she gets gang shot

jimmy mcshane tells keanu theres a chopper being fueled by the big boss and kenu goes there in hs big black card

theres a car wrestling batlle as keanu takes out cars and kanu bumps their van to slam sideways into the piller

they a gunfight as keanu is in a car and driving around

its pretty bada55

its like mongols on horseback as archers

or fire emblem

keanu takes oout cassidy with bullets and car and big boss drives hisvan into kanus carso ram it off a cliff

keanu umps out and keanu faces off against big boss in the rain like a samurai  movie

they otta bullets so its a fist fight and kanu kix his a55

then soviet big boss pulls a switchblade and they fight

keanu tanks a knife wound, snaps his arm, takes the knife, and shanks him to h e double ussr

keanu walks off in the rain and we're back where it started

so he gets up and breaks into a vet place and treats his wounds

those are pet supplys. he's goonna devolve into a furry

so he steals a dog and goes home

the end

that was pretty good

good action, good style, good acting, good msuic, good story

it dont try to be meaningful in a spiritual or exestensil way

its jjust good bada55 action

i liked it

its like a stallone film or something

maybe jean claude

this isn't ur cool 90s aunts keanu from bill and ted

its bada55 21st century keanu

plus theres not much dialogue and it could be converted into a silent film

kinda like batman returns

its pretty bada55 and i liked it

we need more sh-t like this and not wiener kids crying in the wind like stuff kids get today

for john wick 2 i want the dog he got to be unbalanced and keeps spazzing out and trying to kill people. eventually is shreds a kid and keanu realizes that he was in the wrong to pu animals above people. also animal rights guys are working on a way to fuse human and animals to make them equal but they devoolve into grotesque abominations. soon they are taking over the city and mcshane's character coms in wanted keanu to take em out as they ate his kids. so keanu has to go around capping these abominations and taking on animal supremacists who wanna turn him into one of them. is also a 16 bit run and gun game like contra on Sega Genesis, Snes, Atari Jaguar, TG16 and GBA where you go around capping these monstrosities.

No comments:

Post a Comment