Saturday, January 16, 2021

The Revolt Of The Slaves Review

note; got a new keybard so imma not used to it so my typing is a55

the revolt of the slaves

this ismy review on the revolt of the slaves from the distant future year of 1960

its about the attack and massacre by nat turner in the 1800s

jk its an italiano film set in ancient rome

it stars Rhonda Fleming, 1 of her husdbands, and a buncha europeans i never heard of

its directed by Nunzio Malasomma who did nothing i heard of

i never saw this b4 but saw its on and my dad wants to see it

huh, its based on the book Fabiola from the 1800s which was made as a thing about how the evil england oppressed Catholics

Sounds pretty Mel Gibson

it was made as a counter to chRLES kinglkksys anti catholic book

so it starst with people in rome opr greece or w/e (its the sam erthing) as italianos walk around in SM outfits to credits

wtf, titanus rome?!‪ the zord!?

then this chick rides a bunch iof chariots through town and lols

1 guy gets outta his chains and runs and guys bet on if he gets oaway

he dont and is punished by getting his hand circimsized

1 slave attacks the guards and fighhts with hsi chains

the black guy is gonna circimsize his hand but 1 rich guy buys him for 400 gold as hes a good fighter and useful

lol his name is fabio

like that tommy wiseau looking guy

at rich guuys home he has a phalllic gold thing brought in and chick and her homie maximus are talking about how he s-cked and he ewants her

oh the phalllic thing is a clock and they have a lot of em

he's a sucker for clocks

a clock sucker

so she meets slave and she's having another feast as 2 guys do WWF things

do the camel clutch! break his back! f--k his a55! make him humble!

seb dont like WWf and chick thinks he otta get married

valerian is malcontent seb might repolace him

so chick wants slave to fight but he dont consent

so she gives him the whip

then this big a55 cake is brought in and as they cut it birds come out

the birds probably sh-t it up inside

so as he's being whipped she chats with him and he sez he didnt wanna fight as he has dignity and was enslaved for tax evasion

thats big gov! just like westley snipes!

1 guy gets the rack but its just him testing it out cuz the Christian who was racked didnt confess

so valerio wants to find out if chick is gay for seb and sends a guy in on it

later chick is walking intotally not daytime and A GUY FOLLOWS HERTO A SECRET CHURCH



f caps lock

so she tends to wounds of guys and the follower whos a cripple with a limp is identifiued as a member of nthe states poliece by a high rank roman there

they cut him open and start b-000ning his guts

jk they are gonna ice him but let him goas seb uses an intercoomor w/e to say so

so he sez this place aint savfe and they relocate like in beast machines when their base is found

so spy comes back ands sez valeria dont gotta worry about seb but he's gonna tell more l8r

so spy goes to the emperor (mazin kaiser) who outs the guys he saw in the church thing

ceaezerdont buy it but giovbes him a chance to prove it and if he wins he is made the new cheif of poliece

but he';s not an angry black guy who yells at the main guy for nuokinmg half the city to stop 1 druggie

later the Christians are gonna escape but chick (oh it wasnt her) finds out slave is one and slaps him but runs after hearing her cousin is 1

oh tyhe Christians were captured and chick goes after em it totally not daylight

2 guys take out horsemen with a rope between em and the christians escape

imagine if it was a monowqire and slices em apart like in cyber city oedo 808?

chiurstians fight to dfefend themselves but 1 guy sez to lay doen and take it

spioler; its not murder if its self defence or war

david taking out goliath or samson kawboning philoliustiens was good

so later cousin chats with chick about how she helps em and good/evil and other power rangers stuff

later valeria sees spy aboutouting the Christians and going to torture a chick but these big buff leather wearing guys get a branding iron and axe and shove him in the dog pit to be b0ned dead by dogs

so coousin is gonna be arrested and chick defends her but cousin is gone

spy looks like the jewish and autyistic biog bang theory guys fused

spy chexz da bedroom and shes not there, but another phallllic clock is

he goes and slave comes in saying cousin is safe

later spy meets a guy from da church and later slave brings chick to the catacombs

guys are closing and opening new passages to throw off spys

but wont seing changed things reveal it?

so cousin is there and so is seb and chick dont get their Faith

so they take her to church as the bad guys or soviets oir brits or democrats ort commies or w/e come through the area to get em

the Christians escape and bust a pillar to drop the ceiling on the area a bit

2 guuys stayu behind to draw the bads away but circle back and climb up a thing, then go back after the baddz l;eave

the commies catch some and chick i think is caught after going to help a kid and the path  caved is so she couldnt go on

slave saves her and they is then caught by spy

so later they are kept in a lower ara like in that buffalo bill movie with anthony hopkins and they lower food in on a basket

1 guy was in there for tax evasion and is chained up so he dont ride the basket up[

wont they tell the basket is 200lbs heavier?!

so mchick wants revenge but turns as shes being less malcontent

so rich guy goes to see the czar and kaiser is still gonna trial his kid the chick

ricvh a55 sez the emperor needs his fams money to keep the empire running

is this how atlas shrugged started?

so spy has the rih fam arrested on accusations of being commie i mean racist i mean gay i mean pedo i mean consewrvative i mean on drugs i mean christian

i thiunk they wacked the rich guy too

in jail the wall is leaking as the river is overfloawing and they cut into da stones to let water in to float to the surface

the chained guy is gonna bite is and they try to free him but cant

so they baptize him so he dont go to h e double soviet california

later they are floatinbg in water and push up to lift a stone floore door

even though it would just sink them back down as theres no leverage

they get out and later it openly day and they walk around

so seb and spy are following the Christians and Seb wants em to have a fair trial

they meet a nice geezer who takes em in and chick tends to slaves woundhe got from saving her in the catacombs

sher feels bad for having him whipped

then they start making out

in the real version they were b0ning

later seb and spy come back to da city and see chick or cousin taken as slaves

he fights some guards pretty bada55 and gets taken down with a back hit

spy confronts him and he admits to being a Christian and is told to hand over his blade

he snaps it on a rock as its cheap cr-p and later later the regent grills him over being Christian

weait i think its the head of the guard

he offers freedom if they renounce their faith

but he sez they wont and head guy sez he's to be tortured and shot up with arows

spoiler; if you deny Jesus for man, He will deny uoyou before The Father

aka; getting sent to h e double england

the escaped Crhistians wanna go back to save Seb and chick rides off on a horse

chick goes to see the regent and sez she was wrongly arrested and dont believe in The Godf of the Bible

she is given back her items and is gonna wind up in h e doouble venuzaula

later she uses her riches to pay a chick to get the black guy to take out Seb fast

as he gets shot up he prays in his mind and gets iced after a few shots

wait, he survives as they just missed his heart and the Christians saved him

slave wants to use the catacombs to get to the arena whhere they ice em and save em

Seb wants them to nnot use violence but slave wants to fight on

chick wants slave and the Christians to renounce their Faith but he sez no

she jabbers on ands he gives her the backhand

eat that b--ch!

also Seb escapes and goes to the regents place and begs to not ice the Christians

also theres a Menora in the backgorund

regent thinks he's a ghost and spazzes out and Seb asks nicely to be free

so spy shhanks him

so then the commies of soviet rome are burning down Christian places and icing Christians

spy tortures Christians to get info on where the others are and threy doont give in but bite it

spy is gonna send em to the dogs who didnt eat for 3 days but priest is nice to em and they are nice to him

then the dogs eat spy back to h-ll

so latyer chick asks black guy for help but he nearly b0nes her and the chick she paid to help Seb  comes in and sez she's his woman

black guy is now the captain as spy bit it and underground, the Christians bust through walls in the catacombs

why but bust all the walls and have the scity sink?

later, gladiators fight in the colleseium And the chick she paid comes to chick saying black guy dont wanna marry her or help christians

she goes to the collesuem and the christians are being lead out

chick talks to blackm ghuy and sez she gave him all she hgas he sez regent gave him more

she fight him but is overpowered and locked up

so some Christians are crucified and set on fire (biurning cross?!) and a soldier sez if the christians get past the slaves they go free

then tells the slaves if they ice a christian they go free

meanwhile the main slave  leads his dudes intoi the chamber and they are met with guards

also theres lions in there

they battle and more slaves ice christians in the arena

chick comes in the chamber and her servent gets arrowed

chiuck releases lions in the area the guards reinforcements are coming from

cousin goes out to the area to be free and walks instead of runs and no one shanks her

shed and the Christians pray and black guy does something that i think takes her out

the christians fighting the guards come out and see it and throw down their weapons

then guards come and chick comes out and is with main slave nand he picks up cousins body

the regent is gonna have em j fk'ed but the audience wants em spared as they were moved by it

by popular demand the kaiser spares them

they walk off,and it ends

the end

btw this was pretty widescreen and in color

that was pretty good

sorta like the robe or quo vadis

its well made and has a good 60s style with not much blood or violence and no swearting or nude scenes

a decent tvpg show

good message and heart and its relatable today with big gov oppressing peoiple

and the big companys going after dissenters

glad i saw it. it holds up

It has good flow and don't drag and even though the slaves dont really revolt, its still a cool title that hooks you in

for The Revolt Of The slaves 2 I want the black guy to have wormed his way into being the new emperor and trys to tak out the christians for escaping his blade in the arena. also the christians are rising up and taking on the emperor and using weapons made of holy things from the past. its also a 16 bit hack and slash game like golden axe on sega genesis, snes, tg126, atari jaguar and gba where you play as animal skin wearing warriors that can charge their items with crosses they find and unleash a screen nuke to clear the area with holy power.

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