Monday, January 25, 2021

Xtinction: Predator X Review

 Note; My spelling disproives evoiolution

xtinction: Predator X

this is my reviedw on xtinction predator x from 2010(The year of transformers season 3 in japan)

its also called aligator x and starts no one i know of

i nver saw it b4 but its on Comet and that usually has good movies

so after some logos that loo like a gamecube game we get guys boating around the bayou

the cops find an empty boat and call a guy and they both get eated by something in da water

then credits like a bad 00s show to 90s muics

so later this guys daughter sez on da phoine that her dad isnt there and no one knows where he go

also somneone wants to buy swampoland

a guy comes by and she aims a shotgun at him as she dont like him

hes a seinectity(nerd) and is just taking samples(sam- pulls?!@)

he gave up teaching and got into real estateshe's kinda b--chy at him and he goes

imagine if she put the gun in his butt and hgave him a suippository and eh blow apart?

so da sherrif comes by who sez nerd weas back for a few months and was barred from teaching for testing on animals

he wanted tro bring back an extinct tiger

so this is sebertooth?>

also she's his ex woman (the nerds)

sao them the cops fiund a piece of an arm and sheffir comes over and is p-ssed at the casual nature of the copsd

he thinks theres a man eating gater in da swamp

so is this gonna be primeval?

then a new guy offers chick 500 $ for a boating on da swamp

chick accepts even though she aint been hear for years

he wants her to taker him to some spot and she trys to takje him but something f's up

oh the engine got bcaught on something

also theres something in das water

so on land, new guy asks his blonde gf to marry him

it gets dark and theres werired souinds in da woods

its bigfoot!

chick goes out and finds some rednecks b0ning a fat guy and making pig sounds!

jk erally theyre feeding a guy to thje swamp thing

this huge a55 gator monster eats the guy

is this gonna be lake placid??

she runs back to da boat and the rednecks get her

da next day sgerif comes to a boat with cop in in and he['s f--kin up

also is a huge a55 tooth

so sherrif wants to find out whats eationg guys in da swampe

so chick wakes up in a redneck lab and they imply they b0ned the blonde

after taunting her, the rednecks take the new guy (future husbnand) outside

later nerd comes by cop and is gonna check the tooth

with the rtednex theres a metal sphere in da water nd they seem to feed him to it offscreen

then shrenif is in a boat and looking for chick

nerd tells cop that the monster is drying out in da water as something about fresh water and salt water

nerd sez theres a pliosaur which is a 50 foot seas lizard from the dino days

spoiler; evolution is noncanona nd the earth is only 60-0 years old, as proven by creation science

so later sherrif calls cop who tells him stuff but the phone f's out

so sherrfi climbs a tree for better reception ands ees the monstyer in the water

so it eats the guy in the boat who worked for chick who i never mentioned as he's not importrant

so chicxk trys to support blonde but blonde is too f'd out

chicj ttrys to answer a riunging phone buyt falls over

then a redneck comes in and rights her

she sez da ropes r 2 tight but he dont falll for it

she chats wuiuth him about what they dooing and he sez they majin monsters from bones

so coip coimes in on tyhe rednecks and pulls a gun but nerd nails his head and chicxk realizes nerd is behind everything

she gets b--chy over him p[robably icing her dad and she wishes she murdered him yesaterday

so he beats ko'd and when she comes to,, nerd whines about rednecks catching his ex woman

also he designed the monsater to be a chick so it can be used to breed and its ready to poop out eggs

but the waster would kil it

so nerd wants 1 rednek to give monster a tracking ddevice

later, nerd tells chickj that the sphere is a duck call for da monster and he wants her to sign over da deed or he'd feed cop to the tthing

she agrees and they untie her and she writes on loose bpaper held by 1 hand witrh nothing to press against

nerd tells redneck to tranq dart the thing and rednex are gonna feed em to it

but blonde flips a lighter asnd the rednex shack blows and rgew guysd escaPE

so monsater eats the boat they were gonna getta way in

oh and i think 1 redneck gets eaten

so nerd ttells remaining rednext to find and ice the guys asnd bring him the monster

shrerf is still in a tree and goes through water to land

cop bites it from blood loss and chicks choose toi go back as badds wont expect it

so chicks run anmd the monster jumps outta the weater like free willy, goes over a land bridge and eats a guy in other water

So redneck catches blonde at gunpoint and they fight as sherrif calls in tthe monster to his guys who dont buy it

chick runs into boat guy who workled for her i thjink (didnt he get eated?) who pulls a gun on her and is revealed to work for nerd

employee gets redneck who was probably b0ning the blonde and caps redneck cuzx nerd told him to b4

he drives them and reveals he betrayed her dad cuz his dad f'd him up or something (i cant tell with his accent)

wait, its cuz her dad b0ned his mom and made him

sherrif stands in da roasd with his firearm and jups at da llast minute and truck crashes into a building and somehow starts a fire

sherrif trys to save employee but he gave up on life and right after they run the place blows

wtf the guys name was froggy?!

like, sonic adventure DX?

so the monster is ready to poop out its kids and the good guys go to the next with the sphere thee

if its tuirmned off the montset bites it for some reasn

but nerd comes in with blonde at gunpoint and goes on a tirade about science and nature and cr-p

he throws blonde in da water and chick and sherrif bewat on him and throw him in da WATER TOO


f caps lock

then it comes on land and they fight it and they blow its head off with dynamite headdy

so the dr's come by andchicxksez shes gonna stay there and probabnly date sherrif

holy f the sheriff was the guy in white chicks and a night at the roxbury

then we see theres another monster in the water (like late placid?) and credits tpo 00s moucs

marine coordinator; danny cosmo

channel ur cosmos seiya!

deputy miuchael mmoore?

l;ike the fat commie?

the end

thazt was pretty good

standard direct to video monster movie

sorta like sharktopus or something

a bit from jurassic park and other films

but over all its not bad

it trys to ber srs but its a bit cheesy

its not great or anything but for a cheap monster film, its not awful

its worth a watch kinda

For Xtinction Predator X 2 I want it to be 20 years later and the monsters have taken over the bayou and its a forbidden zone. 2 treasurte hunters go in to find this lost confederate gold thing and  gotta fight off these monsters in exo armor with chainsaws and plazma cannons and gotta fight these things and other cryptids like a foulk monster and skunk ape. Its also a 16 bit hack and slash ghame like golden axe on Sega Genesis, Snes,. Gba, Tg126 and Atari Jaguar where.

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