The Descent Review

Note: I spell better than brits wuith extra U's

The Descent

This is my review on The Descent from the distant fiture year to Hirohito Sama of 2005(The year of Transformers The Movie)

Its directed by openly brittish Neil Marshall who did nothing I saw

It stars Shauna Macdonald from  Star Wars: Episode VIII – The Last Jedi(ew), Natalie Mendoza from 2001 Moulin Rouge!/Blue Bloods, Alex Reid from nothin I saw, climate commie MyAnna Buring from 2006 The Omen, Saskia Mulder from nothing I saw, Nora-Jane Noone from Garrow's Law, Oliver Milburn from nothin I saw, an Molly Kayll  who's not on back door, aids bag, Sodom bottom, gender offender, Creator hater, booty boy, banana crammer, soy boy, beta male, hippie stoner vegan peta tree kung fu based on plants, queer as a eer wit a steer in its rear Wikipedia who claims the last jedi was loved and ONLY a few malcontents hated it.

I never saw this but remember it comming out in the 00s

I hear it inspired the 2013 tomb raider reboot

After logos we see chick boating in a wild river then opening credits

1 has a husband/daughter and ti is really widescreen and 00s colored

blonde with man/kid drive back in a brit car on the wrong side but hes not looking where he's going and a car plows into him and poles on it skewer him

she wakes up in the hospital and wanders woundbt it goes arkan she runs from the offing lights

she's hugged by a chick in the halland crys as the lights are on and we get title

then its the Appalachian area and dark hair chic is with blonde ex family one saying"we on't gotta do this/she always brings us out"

Yea but you can say no, like with drugs or b0ning

the pack of chicks meets up and talks with 1 in medical school and 1 looks really 80s and does base jumping

at night they drink beer and at night blonde hears a sound and wakes up

then its day and they take a photo and i think blonde is on drugs or meds

thy go to a cave and 1 sez u can get dehration/disorientation/halluinatinons and other cr-p

they find a dead moose or deer or w/e and think a bear or sasquatch did it

they otta ump on it and squirt its guts out its butt

they go down a hole in the earths a55 and thssese bats swarm out

they crawl in the intstines of the ground and these a ump scare of 1 chick asking another if she wants to eat outta nowhere

they have a fooding and Asian friend comforts blonde

blonde takes a look around and inds a hol in the walls a55 to go in

they crawl in the sometimes wet slimy caves li a esophagus an some parts ae dry an tight like a dear body's butt pipe

1 was about to o in the wall hole but heard a sound nd 1 is in brown water 

1 chick gets stuck lie a t-rd left in the a55 too long and wigs out

seeing no way out, 1 pulls a gun and ends her

jk thats th Canadian dr version

1 sez "da worst thing that happened has alray happened so its only a cave"

what if it caves in or theres a flood?

then the cave starts falling in and she gets out as it closes behind her

the chicks say the guide book saying theres 3 ways i and out and this was 1 but they didn't bring the book

also they told people they were going to another cave so the rescurs wont now where to look

1 wanted em to discover something andthey seem f'd so they b--ch about it

the feed on pluto tv out tv proud which censored sh-t and nips and buttcrack f'd out but they found an inner area and a deep cliff

also i think they lost food or something when the cave f'd out

1 does rock climbing to put ropes in the ceiling to cross but is bruing out

she finds a hook to link the thing on already there and makes it across

they gets a rope across an the others pull across on it

Asian chick has em take the rope an crosses on th tophie taking the link things but falls

she's caught by the rope the others hol but the last link thik goes and she flls into the wal and they pull her up

1 hurt her hand on rope burn and they see they weren't the 1st hre as the hook link was 100 years old

what year i this? and when did they start making those link hook things?

in the cave they see painting on the walls by alleged cave men and find theres 2 ways out

they go on an 1 chick rushes as the others say old up an falls but 1 chick grabs her hand

she slips and falls in a hole in the floors a55 and its like digestive tract like in Earthworm Jim

she hurt her leg and the dames aid her by crunching her leg bck together and its blurred out on the gay pluto channel

1 chick goesin a wet cave and sees a thing in the background bu it books it and the Asian one finds her

she tells the others and they dont believe her but she thins they can help her

1 thinks they saw daylight but is told they 2 miles underground(really? thats deep) and 

they go on to a drizzling cav an ont know here to go but see cave things for a sec and spazz out

they use a flare and notice the yokai are ciccling em then run and put out the light to hie

wee see it and its a good ump that egts the bloo going and its a hairless albino eyeless fanged thing and i thin it bites 1 of the broads dead

the chicks fiht the demns and i thin 1 is dragged off but might be dead

Asian wasts 1 and heard something behind her and sings to kill i but its i think the 80s n ho she gets in the neck and falls to the floor making sounds

chic sees a blonde who turns and its he yokai cave things face screaming and she wakes up

she uses her camera light o see a lot of human bones around ehr and hides hearing a sound

a thing falls in the hole and the cave yokai eat it

2 chicks go around and hide in a higher place

camera chick sees em eat the boy and nearly barfs and 1 hears and looks into the camera with its dead eyes and makes outh sounds with its brittish teeth showing

1 yokais riht by the 2 chiks and makes hissing souns but ,moves on as its eyes dont work like drakes legs in Degrassi

it leaves but 1 girls watch goes ooff so she takes it off and drops it so the yokai finds it nt them

1 girol calls out to bekka like bekka cade in the non canon robotech comics and the thing goes after her

its the Asian one ansh sees the cave thing spazzing out and stops talking then gets her pickaxe

i assume this is a thing on the germans being attacked by soviets in the 40s

blonde chik i thinkmakes a torch outta cr-p and 2 irls go in the close halls with a glowstick til 1 tokai comes form the ceiling and attaks em lik a cave centipede that eats bats

1 chick fights it ut asiangets it inthe back and snaps its neck

its like Ninja Scroll with the blinde Samurai Devil

they talk of how these things cant see but hear and are made for the dark claiming its evolution but theres no evidence of that

i assume they are demons or fallen angel offspring or made by pre or post flood dna engineering gene slamming

blonde findsthe chick who got eaten or something whos not dead and barfing blood who sez to leave her

eated chick gives her a thing saying love each day and blonde says she cant leave her and we get the token sad moment

wait she wanted her to finish her and blonde eventually ends her with a axe or pick or rock

then this devolved chick attacks and has saggy caveman t-ts and main chick  think runs

she falls into a pool of blood and pulp and this devolved chic attacks in it so she gets an item and ends her

she lays still ana cave tokai comes by and walks on her with its hand and drools spurm and leaves so she ends it

she screams and the other chicks are together and head for her 

Asian chick find a pack of cave gremins and boos it

1 girl fins a wall and climbs itwit rock climbing cr-p but the others get to her calling "bekka! we aint got enuff rope"

a cav yokai cralws on the ceilingand fights then ends her andanother gets another girl

Asian chick falls in the water with 1 and finishes it with a blade in it already

she climbs and finds blonde with dried blood on her face and they see they are the last ones

they go on and find some cave yokai by light and fight em, wel, Asian does, it, so does blone, and its pretty bada55

after wasting em including busting the head on rocks like Trayvon tried to do to that Mexican guy who had a gun, theystand looking at ech other and blond stabs Asian in the leg with the pickaxe for some reason

wait its cuz she shanked tht girl by mistake who told her and Asian chick was b0ning her man

she leaves Asian wh ust heped her to be eaten and b0ned dead and gets out of the cave in a hole in the earths hills a55

she gets to a car and drives for a bit then stops to cry

a truck comes by with big brown logs in it and she rolls down the window to barf but turns and has a vision of i think her daughter looking undead

the end

that was pretty good

i had to look up the cheeting thing and stuf on why she shanked the Asian but its mostly good

nice feel, good build up, nice flow and its got some good scares that get the blood pumping

its well filmed and the fights are kinda disorienting but i think thats on purpose to throw us off

good acting and the cast is mostly chicks with 1 human male and the rest are devolved guys

its got a slow start to ease us into the horror instead of starting out with a firehose of aids

i liked it and its got a bit of gore and good ideas

Glad I saw this one

Sorta like Jaws where you don't see the monster at 1st and it gets to it

Plus the monsters in underground caves is lie he Solomon islands and the giant cannibals

For The Descent 2 I want her to tell the cops who send a team in but fin its known by the gov and THEY work with the higher evolved beings of the cave things to control things. Also the Asian girl survived and fought em off and has sound a city of people who survived the cave things and us ancient armor from before the flood to battle em. Also its a 16 bit beat em up on Sega Genesis, Snes, TG16, Atari Jaguar and BA where you play as the Asian or other survivors and fight the cave things and higher devolved forms and demon beasts from history and btle in sunken cities from before the flood.