The Texican Review

 Note: I spell American like the most American state: Texas!

The Texican

This is my review on The Texican from 1966 (20 years befiore the Sega Master Systemn camwe out)

its directed by Lesley Selander who did nothing I saw

It sdtars AudIe Murp[hy who turned down Sergio Leone's A Fistful of Dollars  as its just a copy of Kurosawa's Yojimbo, Antonio Casas/Antonio Molino Rojo/Aldo Sambrell/Frank Brana/Víctor Israel from the good the bad and the ugly, Gerard Tichy from Doctor Zhivago and the 60s King of Kings, and many european mexicans

I never saw this b4 but audie is good often

so it starts w/o logos or credits and audie and his goon come to this guy in the hilly wastelands and says that his good is an escaped prisoner he took back

audie has a price on his head in America and they are at the river boarder and if he goes there he';s getting arrested

then he rides off to music and credits and title

then its edited to look dark and these guys talk about 1 getting out of the area and 1 being a newspaper editor who wants to get rid of luke starr

the non reporter dont wanna do it and go but luke comes in and confronts emn and caps the newspaper guy

kinda like how those who the gov don't like has em silenced in commie candy a55 cluntries like england or canada

the other guy is let go but is capped as he rides off then fixes things to look like they iced each other

later its day ands the mexicans play a game of throwing rocks and firecrackers or something

then these 2 mexicoes get in a street fight and the bigger one beats the othewr one out

audie helps the beat up guy and they talk about a town that's f'd up and violent like soviet california

in f--ktown audies bro got iced and he's bummed and audie is gonna go back despite having a mexico chcik who don't want him to go

he wants to avenge his bro and rides across thhe river and to a sh-t town bar and turns down a poker game

he goes on and talks to a guy who wants to buy audies horse but audioe dont consent

then a bounty hunter and friened comes by and wants to bring in audie as he needs the money for his wife

they draw and audie caps both of em and his bounty hunter homie survived and audie stops him from pulling a knife

bounty hunter warns audie others will be after him and audie leaves him weith a shot leg

later these guys test their might by shooting cans and luke starr walker comes by and sez audie is coming and he ran audie out w/o a gun once b4 and now wants to wack him

but instead of doing it himself, he sends his minions and they go out and open fire on him in a hilly wasteland as he books it

he eventually comes toi an empty place with saddles and gets out money but as he takes it; a chick comes out wih a shotgun

she finds the money and its 40$ for a 10$ saddle and he sez he had to ride bareback as he left in a hurry

she is nice to him and lets him buy the saddle and he goes off to f--ktown and its fancy

he goes to a hotel for a room and the sign in thing is full of dust

after he signs in the owner recognizxes his name and is freaked out and trys to get him to leave but audie dont wanna

owner sez lkuke skin licker won't like it as he owns the hotel and audie goos oofn as everyones afraid of him

audie confronts luke star and starr leaves saying "if you want someone to ice ja, find someone else"

1 guy called frank grady like the names of guys from the dub of yugioh 5Ds, says to meet him in half an hour to tell him of his brother

in his office the frank sez audies brother was the reporter iced in a "gunfight" and how reporter didn't use guns

audie don't care what happens with the f--ktown as long as he avenges his brother and a chick walks him out and they chat and flirt

after audie goes, luke ringo starr comes by and knows chick and i think owns her as a gf or butt slave

audie rides off and checks the place his reporter bro got iced aNDS FINBDS A DEVOLVED LOOKING GUY ALL SPAZZED OUT before he bites it

audie senses something and runs out as guys fire on him and he hhides behind cover, thern after a cmmerfcial, he's in town after dark and meets a guiy he saved who now sellz booze and works with luke starre

they go into the bar and see chicks dancing and 1 throws a clkothing piece to audie

audie talks with boozer and how luke starr was p-ssed at how reporter said something about him in his paper

b4 he tells audie what it was, boozer coems to a poker game and this goon comes to tell audie not to f with the ringero starr or booze guy and audie tells him off by saying "put that gun away or you;ll lose an arm"

chick and lukeo strarte tal;k about how she wants her piece of her dad sstake in the salloon but luikeas dont wanna make it wasy and have her as his woman

she dont consent to being b0ned by him and he's jealous of audsie

boozer is buummed that he's lozing at poker as he won last time and knows the badds are cheeting

chick stops to chat with audiuie about luke starr and a gunshot goes off

1 goon sez he was cleaning his pistol and it went off (like vronsky in anna kjarenina?) and we see that he iced boozer

audie and chick walk home and she sez she dont want him to be with her as he's a gunman but they smooch abnd like star sees it

she tells him her name so its not like seinfeld with that chick and audie goes to the shop his brother worked in and looks around with no words like a silent film

a cat jumps out like a bad horror movie and b4 he fdinds anything, lukio starre and his goons come in and they talk and audie walks out

later its day and the saddle chick comes by and chats with him about how she does LEATHE WORK which nowadays seems x rated

she's nnot looking for a man (la blue girl clip: oh so yoor a lezz bee ann? no won der you get prett ty h0r nee a round me, just kid ding!) and rides off

they she goes to see his brotehrs fiance and talks with her about him

later he's by the river and rides in ther waste lands like hokuto no ken and chick from b4 is out of control on her horse cart so audie stops em

man he gets a lot of potential chicks, he's like Sonic or something! Maybe Yuma or Jack in Yugioh!

later he sees a guy take out the booze guys body and follows but a guiinfight chase breaks out

the chased goon gets away and audie goes to the saloon to ask luke benit where the booze guy went but luke sez he aint seen him in a while

audie then fights the gonon from b4 and kicks hgis candy a55 but a big ghuy grabs and starts bear hugging him

audie breaks open and his guts spoill on the floor in a pile

jk really he nails him in the face with salt and beats him through a window

then audie talks with frank about how he and his bro helped people but the ones they helped were worse than the ones they saved em from

kinda like ww2 saving thre chin ese from japanm or the soviets from the germans, as both winning sides went on to be worse than the ones they fought

audie in his his room meets as woman who was the woman of the guy iced with brother in the alleged gunfight andf that he was really trying to escape luke starre

she wants to save audie and larry starr or w/e hgis name is sluygs out his goon for displeasing him

rthe next day he faces chick and auddie over thinking they b0ned and audie chats with lukas over how if ayuduis dont get outta town, he's dead meat

audie meets saddle girl and then chats with a guy ove rthe wacking of his brother and the other guy

he goes to meet the coroner and chatrs with saddle chick over this evidence of a gunbelt with the name of luke starr on it

then audie faces the lukas geroege aartn guys in a dust storm and wastes em in a no damage run

then goes into the salloon and faces starr who denies having sent em and is playing poker

he joins in and shows him the gunbelt thing and sez he found it under the body of the gun who was iced at the start

but a guy behinmd audie in the window has him at gunpoint and takes audie captive

audie slugs out the gun holding him and chick throws himm and gun so he caps him and another guy

btw thhis is in widescreen and colored

audit caps like startr and he falls through the banister like in all westerns and it looks like its cr-ppily made as it just fell apasrt

chick offers to go with audie and awhen he sez he wont, she sez she'd wait for him

they smooch and he goe off on a new advenmture like Adol Christian in Y's

The end

that was pretty good

nice story and acting

good style and filming

good writing and chartacters

well done western that has good pacing and doesn't drag

For The Texican 2 i want him to have been caught by a pack of roaming cannibals in the wasteland and they have their rituals to prepare to offer him for sacrifice to their cannibal god, so he sends a prayer to ask for help and an Angel arrives at the town and has the chick who loves him come after him to save him from the cannibals weith a holy guin that never runs out of ammo and fires holy blasts. also its an 8 bit Run and Gun game like Zillion 2 on Sega Master system, Nes, TG16, Game Boy, Game Gear and Arari Lynxc and 7800 where you play as her and battle to save him from the cannibal territory.

Prom Night 4 Deliver Us From Evil Review

 Notwe: I spell like a dumba55 teen on prom night

Prom Night 4 Deliver Usd From Evil

RTghius us my review on Prom Night 4 Deliver Us From Evil from 1991 (The year Sonic 1 Came out)

its the 4th in the prom night series and thre 3rd in ther Mary Lou alone Trilogy

From Night 1 hadf nothing to do with the others and was a normal slasher

Prom Night 2 was a psupernatural haunting moive aboiut mary lou coming back

prom night 3 was a horror comedy about mary lou going after this guy

and prom night 4 is a supernatural slasher

Itdts directed by Clay Borris who did eps of The Adventures of Sinbad

It stars Nicole de Boer from Metal Tornado, Joy Tanner who was Candy Kong in the 90s Donkey Kong show and was Fionas momm on Degrassi, Fab Filippo from the queer canadian show Sort Of and Buffy in the 90s, and some othewr guys i never saw

btw tyhis is fullscreen and in color

so after logos, we get credits over a chu8rch and this guy asking The Lord for help to save the sl-ts

then its hamilton huigh in 1957 and the prom night mary lou gets it and thiese whitye straight 18 or older living human teens flirt and gom off to b0ne and smoke

another  couple comes through after they b0ned and theww 1st couple goes to their car to b0ne

but then the priest comes by and wastes em, then puts nthe car on fire and it blows

then at this religious place; the priest is in a cave and whipping himself and spazzing out

anothe rpriest confronts him and he has stigmasta adn is mental and i thinbk was b09ned as a kid

so the psycho prest was taklen away and now is 1991 adn this new teen becomes a priest and he's assigned to look after the psycho priest whos kept in a coma and chained to a bed

They say he's beyond salvation, which is not what the Bible teaches

So at high school the main chick talks with her bf at lunch and then the head priest bites it and the youngere priest has to look after the psycho one

then this nun confronts this blonde and her bf over being in the backseat of a car and blonde sez "we were f--king sister"

Later she sez she's only gonna get 6 demerits for being out of uniforme

so at church the new piriest stops giving the psycho prtiest drughhs and cuts his extra hair so he looks like he did at the start

at this teens home, main chick and blonde chat about boys and back at the church; the new priest trys to help the psycho one but he gets out and new priest trys to book it

wait he gets the drugs and goes back to inject the psycho one but psychi  is back in bed and when her gets near, the psycho grabs his throat ands throws him on the stone wall

also he has stigmata and back at thwe teens place main chick is making out with bf and a bet male tyeen weatches

but she stops b4 they b0ne and bf smaks the beta malke whos his brotyherm i thiunk

at the church the new prist isnt dead and gets out of the basement  and calls the cardinel but is ised by psycho priest with a phone chjord

at teens place, the chicks wear sexy undies and blonde starts coming on to main chick like its a p0rn0

but shes just testing her as she read an article in a womans mag to see if her best friend is queer

so its prom night and the bfs are gonna leave tyhe beta male bro home alone to j-rk off all over the place so they can b0ne thewir gfs

the other priests fiund new priest and take him to his room to make it look like he suecided and 1 priest finds the new ones diary that says he didnt inject the psycho

so the teens are in a limo skipping their preom and say "to jamie lee cutris" who was in prom night 01 and psycho priest is picked up by a trucker

trucke=r wants to b0ne a chick and when he takes the Saviorts name in Vain, the prsycho says "Nopty Jesus" as he;'s frtom the 50s and they had more class back then

aslsdo this guy hasnt aged in like 30 years! Is he poilish or som ething?!

so psycho priest has iced the lusty trucker and the teens have told their rets they're going camping and go to their cottaGE OR W/E adn it used to be a church but was unused all winter so it smells

I thhink it was broke into b4 and they cant call the cops asa theiy aint supposed to be here so they decide to just make out and b0ne

theres someone outside looking in the window and sees the chicks going over what food is left and blonde dont like cooking cuz it makes her feel like shes married

good 1st person camerrA WOPRK like black chriostmas

in fact theres a lot of good moving camera shots and  lighting and scenary

so the chicks are eating and blonde goes out in her skimpy black dress in the snow and to a barn for fire wood

its got good atmosphere and style and lighting and darkenss

sher retuns but someones watchingn her and trhe guys have sexy black undiesd for the girl

oh its for main chick and shes not mad and goies to try em on

after puttinmmg em on, blonde comes up and they talk about guys and how main guy b0ning a lot of chicks and blonde sez "theres nothing worse than 2 virgins trying to f--k

does she suck her bfs d0ng witrh that mouth?1??

so the chicks come dowen in fphancy dresses and main gf likes her

at dinner they play a game wehere they tell each other their deepest darkest anus sectrets

main chick sez no matter how bad she did something, she'd confess to her priest

good for her. The only sin ur not forgiven for, is the one you dont confess

so we dont get the other guys secrets and the teens dance to saxophone music

main chick goies to get wine in the celler and finds some weird thign and drops a wine bottle and walks on it and bf comes to help her

so bvlonde is b0ning her bf i think and someones wandering the house and main bf treats chicks feet

then says "i';ll be righ back" and goes to get sh-t

didnt you see scream?!

psycho priest calls her and sez he knows shes a wh=re and when bf comes back she sez she got an obscene phone call

Whgatr is this? Black Christmas?!

So blonbde and her bf are b0ning and bwe dont see her nips or his hot dog but i think in the uncut ver we see butt crack

beta male bro is watching in the bushes and pasycho priest grabs him and crusahes his head with his bsare hands

later blonde gets outta bed and hears something but in bed the prist grabs her

turns out its her bf with wine glass in his mouth aas hes carrying too much making the sounds amnd he cxant get in

So they unlock the door and can't find da blonde and look around for her for a while

of cource they split up and 1 guy uses a candle as light and fginds an upside down cross (Which is not evil but was used by Saint Peter, the Jewish Pope when he was executed for not being PC)

1 guy, i cant tell who, is grabbed and his head slightlky ncrushed by the psycho priests are hands as he prays The Lords Prayer

the main chick and her bf cant find anyone and check the attic and find lots of candlles and blood around

theyt walk around and i guess shes over the stepping on brioken fglass anmd they go out and find the bodies of their droogs on crosses that catch fire for no reason

they run back inside and theres no places around for 20 miles and the phones ddont work

she gets the operator to call da cops and bf gets a gun and when he gets back hew seesmprist aboiut to shank her with a metgAL BLADE cross

he caps  priestr who walks it off and walks after him as he runs as she runs out and fginds bera brother in the snow

bf gets on da roof and prtiest stabs the ceiling to try to get him so bf shoots the roof

priest stabs bfs foot and he falls off buyt catches himself fdor a few seconds, only to fall and probably bite it

she freaks oput and priest is there somehow and she ruyns around da house and hides in the wiice celler

ppriest come in and stand around for a while and she sneaks out and locks him in

he gets out and looks for her and shes undder the sink and face sdprays him with cleaner and runs

she gets the gun and loads it and gets a call from the cops but psycho knows shes on the phone someghow and sez "its in the handss of The Lord" and eventually she runs out and fires at nothing

shge runs to the barn and when he comes in she caps huim

she says to the Lod sorry and priest comes back anbds sprays fire around her and she fight s him with a shovel as he burns in the burninfg barn

she gets out and traps him in with the shovle across the dfoor like in The Patriot with Mel Gibson and lays in the ground crying

then the next daY THE AMBILACNE COMES BYN AND A PRIEST DOES THE ASIGN OF NTHWE CROSS FOR PRIWST posychi and is eyesd open and the main chicks eyes open fiercely

the end

gaffer brad harder!? what is this?! gay xxx?~!

thaT WAS pretty good

the fiilm style reminds me of Black Robe which was also from Soviet Canada

Good flow and feel and it dont drag

Good pacing and style with nice camera and lighting

its omne of the better of these prom night movies

I DIDNT CARE MUCH FOR 1, BUT 2 ws good 80s supernatural horror and 3 had good horror comedy

plus 2 had the sailor moon cast swearing and getting nude

this was a good teen horror and has nice work on it

its not the nnumbewr one ultimate but its got some nice moments and thew chatacters are good

The Prom night series was a nice one and i saw thee 00s version but dont recall much of it

This is a good turn of the decade 90s film and its worth a watch

For Prom Night 5 I want the chick and the priest to get out of the hospital and go around iciing poeple and the church sends a bada55 holy warrior to take em on. also there are raging atheists attacking him as they dont like him wearing a cross and he has to beat the evil outt em. Its also a 16 bit 2 player beat em up on Sega Genesis, Snes, TG16, Atari Jaguar andf GBA where you play as these bada55 muscley holy warriuiors, who are a married couple who are super Catholic and dress like WWF Wrestlers. Alsoi after beating the evil out of the chick and the prist, they fight the daemon that had them and gotta kick it back to h e double california

Postal Review

 Note: I spell better than this moive wASA reviewed

Postal

This is my review on Postal from 1007 i mean 2007(the year Transformers Season 4 the Rebirth happened)

Its directal by Uwe Boll who is pretty much hated but I enjoyed a few of his sh-ts

It stars Zack Ward from A Chtrristmas Story (Good f--k! Did he get arrested for anime p0rno and needed money bad?!) Dave foley from A Bugs life, VChris Coppola from Spawn and Ringmaster, Jackie Tohn from Jem and the Holograms The Movie, j K Simmons from Spider Man 03, Vern Troyer from The Masked Rider, Larry Thomas from Seinfeld as the Soup Nazi, David Huddleston from Blazing Saddles, Seymour Cassel from Stealing harvard with Tom Green, Ralf Moeller from Glasdiatore, Michael Pare from The Lincon Lawher, Erick Avari rom Indepentece day ands the Glass House AND The Master of Disguise, Lindsay Hollister from Law and Order SVU(Its like p0rn0 with murder), Rick Hoffman fromThe Day After Tomorrow, Michael Benyaer from ReBoot as Bob, Carrie Genzel from The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus, Mike Dopud from Maximum Overdrive, Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever and Alone in the Dark, Richard Iasn Cox from Unuyasha and Bereaker High and some other homies i never heard of

Its based on a vbideo game that was banned in candy a55 countries for haviung violence in it even though those countriees histopries are FAR more violenty and el devianto

i never saw this b4 but i like cr-ppy movies so lets see if this is worth it

it starts wuth cvredits in the clouds and these guys gonna saxcrifice theirselves to get a bunch oif virgins and they talk about how many virgins they get

bob from reboot asks his boss hoi totally didnt work for the gov and he hears theres not many virgins left and they only get 20 so they decide to quit the kan=mikaze

but the passengers take over and the jet goes into the buildinmmg

then title and in a cr-ppy a55 trailer parkmain guy watches some funny comments as his ssbbw woman watches tv and b--ches

his milk went bad aND HE goes out to get some and steps in dog poop and the dog eats its own poop

that got me to laugh

this cowbow who looks liek a p0rn0 star sez yard poop is a trailer park violation and has a list of issues and he heard main guy b0ning his fat wife too loud

main guy mocksd cowboy fo being inbred and b0ning his sister and tells him he wasn't there when his wife was being b0ned

then we see a guy telling how space isnt real and the space missions were fake and at this convienence store is a group of religious malcontents base who dress like its their country

their gonna go on the offence when the thing they ordered arrives

main guy goes to work and on the wall is heads on sticks like its the 1800s under english reign  as its motivational and the fat chick from SVU is in the meeting

does Uwe Boll like fat chicks? I mean a lot of guys are into em, its pretty common

Look at my 600lb life how these huge girls have skinny bf's who feed and clean them

main guy sits in a chair and he applys for a job as his factory closed down and is kinda candya55 abbout it

he gets bquestions and most are cr-ppy and he cant take it ansd starts swearing at em

this gets him the job as his tiraDE MADE HIM BADA55, but then they say hes leading the list and theres 120 more guys to interview

thhey haver him sing their soul crushing company song and he hates the town

then theres a hippie convent and I think its a cult that hates America and the leader is in bed with a bunch of bimbos

the leaders n uymber 2 comes in and sends the bimbos out and sez they are low on money nd we see the leaders man thing and he takes a dump

turns out the irs wants their taxes as they didnt pay in years and ifd he doint pay 1.3 million he goes to jail

main guy walks and this guy wants money to take a bus to see his kids and as main guy dont got money; bus guy swears at tim for having a ghood job and car and house

then a cop car is stuck behiund an old asian lady who can't drive right and the gwerman cop says "she forgot her glass"

this sends the black cop into a tirade aboiuyt gaijin not learning english in an english speaking country, then regrets it and goes to hhelp her

she dont speak english or know that green light means go, which makes me wonder how she got a license, then again they gotta give it to gaijin or its "racist"

so he pulls it a shotgun (out of f--king thin air)and blows her back to h e double korea!

that made me laugh

by a coffee shop dick coxxx is in line in front of main guy and csan';t make up his mind so the coffee chick grabs his candy a55 and tells him off while givinbg him a normal coffee

main guy gets 2 lattes no foam and goes to see cult leader whos his uncvle and they chat about his hippie cult

leader got the idea from main guy to con these wieners and now he needs a partnet to get out of his money issues

in the past main guy was a wilder guy who 2x stole a flag from the govberners mansion but the 2nd time he got caught and cuz of a flag protection ammentment, gotn a record and couldnt get a college or joib good, so now he plays by the rules

so then main guy goes to the welfare office and 1 guy goes mental and pulls a gun as he had the wrong form and other guys start firingas the gov guys are behind billert proof glass(a commentary on socviety and gov, this moive is good now)

main guy gets numbers for who gets served next from the iced guys and a mall cop guard or w/e takes down the mental guy and beats his a55

he gets up to the window but they close(right after calling him) and he comes home tyo findhis wife being b0ned by the cowboy redneck

redneck comes out of the fat wifes room with a b0ner in his breifs and gets flour to use on her beer gut

main guy looks at his wedding photo before his womnan enfattened and goes out to call hhis uncle for a few hundred doillers to get outta town

bus guy coems asking for money and bus guy pulls a gun on main guy so main guy grabs it and bus guy pounches him to no effect

the gun goesd off and he wacks bus guy and main guy tells his unclem he's in

man we're like half an hour in

that felt like nothing

so then we get a message from the guy the ghoc said did ther building attak but its actually being filmed in the base in Amercia in the convienence store

he complains about howe the videos aint doing much nom one wants to kami kaze unless they get virginz

aslso he speaks without any accent and is liek a normal american, probably as he was trained by the gov and was never actually let go fromm their thing

the director sez they are gonna use these krotchy dolls the news was talking about a few times to ice people

So main guy beghs cult master for money to get out of town and unclen sez to let him butt hammer main guy

he's joking and sez he wantsa to sell krotchy dolls as an asian tanker of em sank with t\housands on it and 1 dioll sold for 4000$

Like beanie babies?!

So they are gonna jack the dolls from Little Germany and meanbwhile, outside the conviuewnence store bad guy base: the guy is basjhing President Bush Jr aND THE director of the bad guys wants the guy who said space is fake executed as hes onto em

main guy walks down the street as a chick is slugged out anbd stolen from and he goes to the conviuence strore and a bad guy comes out and hugs the space fake guy and blows

he buys something and goes by a wheelchair guy and moves him to the fence by a truick place and uses him like a ladder

after getting in he breaks into a truck with an item he got from the store and black cop who capped the korean c-ck sicker comes by saying "you got mu money" and brings him off in a van as main guy hotwires and bookss it in a truck

blackop brings wheelchair guy to his garage and puts a thing in his mnouth ands a blanket over him and leaves him in his garage for the night

cult master and main guy make a model of Little Germany and say their plan to jack the krotchy dolls using action figures and barbies

the bibmos like main guy as his actiuons are like the bible culkt master wrote for them and at the same time; the baddz are plnning to jack the krotchy dollz

Bush Jr calls the baddz leader about how baddz leader might wanna do an insurance claim after the oil pipeline gets f'd

then verne troywer is dropped off by bus 8 miles from the city and has to walk and the next day; the baddz are lost looking for the place to go to

in Little GHermany theres a lot of Gwerman Protpopcul;ture and WW2 refs andf its owned by Uwe Boll in a Cameo of himself like Tom Six Did in The Human Centipede 3

cuz a freighter went down with the krotcvhy dfolls, they only have em on sales in this park and the coffee chick is there as are the 2 cops and wheelchasir vegetable

Hih, according to wikipedioa: the gov banned Postal 2 in New Zealand, citing high levels of violent content and animal violence. Distribution or purchase for personal use is a criminal offense, punishable by up to 10 years in prison and a fine of $50,000.

10 years in jail and 50 grand for playing a game?! What is this?! The Soviet Union?!

blackop puts a hat on him and sends him on his way as Uwe Boll says he got his money from Nazi Gold and when e's in front of everyone he gets h0rny

So the cult master, main guy and some bimboes come out dressed sorta like nazies as the iinterviewer swears at his boss or w/e and there's a guy in a kortchggy doll suit that looks  like cartoonified man parts

Well, Uwe Boll IS German! Nudity isnt a big deal there, and much of europe

Just look at their art! Its all statues and paintings of naked men!

the bimboes come dressed with Hitler Moustaches and armbands and seduce the guards as the guys go in the building  with da dollz

Celeb guest Verne Troyer comes over as they ccouldnt get Gary Oldman I meanb Coleman and tthe bimboes move the krotchiue dsollz to da van

then the baddz come over and have weapons and the door in is locked

Uwe pays Verne with Gold Teeth from the camps and as the bimboes bring the doplls out; da baddz come in and the main guy and uncle cultor run as they tell cult second in command to cause a disterbance

he prays and the owner of postal the game gets p-ssed at Boll and fights him over f--kin up his game with a cr-ppy movie

I love how self aware this guy is

He knows people hate his films and he jokes of it

Glad to see he's not one of those elitist a55holes like leonardo decaprioi or jo a quin phoenux who whines about global warming, but takes a private jet across the earth to tell it

He's more like Mark Hammil as he has a sense of humor and don't takle himself super srs

So the guards pull the maKER OFF Boll and one of Makers droogs in a krotchy outfit pulls a gun and yells "For Video Games" and fires, hitting the wheelchair guy

The cops open fire and main guy got the gun and the cops and Boll open fire, hitting several kids

Then the baddz come in and open fire andd in the capping, Boll gets shot in the parts before saying he hates video games and dies

verne troyer puncxhes a kid in the parts while fleeing and drops his suitcase with a glow in the dark plastic d0ng and 2nd in command of cult packs him in it as verne turns on his plastic d0ng to light his way like gay p0rn0 rudolf

main guy runs into coffee chicxk and they escape to the truck and the badds try to drive but cantr find the keys

the cops chase the main guy truck and open fire on him for cappuing the vegetable as the baddz comer after them in a black car

the car chase rocks around the bimboes and main guy runs over the welfare chicvk who said they were close and she bounbces off several cars and the cops stop after nailing her and call in her bodfy as black cop is glad her didnt getta flat

at german land the reporters look at all the iced kids and 1 puts on a tackty show to feed off the damage while not caring of the victims

the main guy gets to the cult but the baddz took it over and didnt see em and 2nd cult commander sez theres an underground area there

they bring out verne and main guy goes thjrough topwn as the cops hold of a not matching pictuire of him and saying "he'sd known as postal dude"

they blamer him for stuff he didn't do like icing the asian chick they capped and 1 guy recognizes him aspostal dude and the crowd chases him, but the cops think its not him cuiz its not like the photo

he hides in the convienence store so he dont gotta clean the windows again and the crowd goes by

another black cop catches him buthe knocks him out and takes his outfit to sernd the crowd away

at the cult compand and sneaks around on the floor like A snake as 1 guy watches tv news saying comioc things

the cat comes by and he picks it up and uses it as a silencer by putting his gun up its butt to take out a guy

2nd in command and 1 bimbo upen the shelter area and cult leADER never knew of it

in it is supplies and weapons and is ready for the end times and cult leader bickers with verne

number 2 dont wanna sell the krotchy dolls as he wants to end the world

the badds say theres a buerd floo capsulers in the dolls and are gonna f up america with it and number 2 wants to use it to end the whole world

in cult leaders bible he wrote that as tiny entertainer will be raeped by 1000 monkeys and verner gets p-ssed and beats pon cult leader before breing thrown in a room full of monkerys in the base

the badds wanna do something but their leadert isin a leadership seminar 

cult leader is gonna go with number 2 and let everyone else bite it but number 2 misunderstood the cult bible anmd thinks he should take over

they make out violently and cult leader turns queer and is into fatties

number 2 caps him and he feels a chicks b00b to turn bi b4 he gets it

number 2 is gonna let main guy live til the flu gets him but he sez hes the only guy who knows where the truck is parked

number 2 is gonna find it himself and locks him in a room but main guy took something and macguyvers the wires and the thin he took to blow the door

the chix are gonna eat poiison browines when he gets back but main guy is gonna ice the badds and take ouitnumber 2

the chicks come with him and cap the baddz, which is a thing on american bikini babes vs guys who dont like women

the chicks decide to be chriatians and 1 makes out with him, then another aand 2 mins later; he armors up 

in town i think the grand dad from the wonder years is there talking about postaL DUDES B--CH AND HOW SHES FAT BUT GOOD AT B0NING, which I'm not sure fred savage would like to hear, but maybe deadpool could censor that part

the crowd comes for main guy and he dodges gunfire and he eventually takes a machine gun to em and shreds em like rambo

coffee chick and him get eaCH OTHER at gunpoint and he sez the plot of the movie and she dont buy it until the baddz come and they cap em

the baddz leaders credit card isas declined as ALL GOVES FROze his assets, so he jacks a copy and runs

main guy accudentally runs over a baby stroller and gets to his trailer with some big black guy b0ning his fat wife

oh its the cops and both are b0ning her and main guy rigs the trailer and blocks the door

guys open fiure on the main guys trailer, i think its the lyunch mob, and the bads come and open fire

redneck comes out and is shot threough the wall by number 2 with a gun on a vehicle whiuuch made me laugh

numbver 2 blaMES main guy for icing cult leader and main guy sez he's gonna blow the area with his remote to stoop em from icing him

he gives a speech that destroying the wortld for The Lord is wrong and the Creator gave us life and we are all humanity and should work it out like a family does

number 2 sez they all hate jews and main guy sez "not a hate thing" and to stop using guns but instead hug

they all open fire and he dodges it and hides behind a car that eventually is completly busted

the main guy and coffee chick open fire and shred the baddz and lynch mob and 1 guy, oh the baddz leader, sneaks away and calls Bush Garlic Jr and asks for help and Jr is gonna send a chopper

Main guy kicks a55 with bare hands and beats down guys like he's from Otoko Juku and the irs comes to rtgew cult compound form the money

1 guy trys to hug and blow him out but he's not wearing his belt of fireworks and a guy wearing it in a van blows and the van lands on the boss of the company guy who had the heads on pikes

number 2 jumnps on the car main guys driving and caps him in the meat but main guy puts a new a55 in his head with his gun

main guy drives off with coffee chick and his dog is in the car and prez jr sez the asians and indians were responisble for the attacks in this movie so he's gonna nuke em but they sent nukes our way

fat wife and the cops try to leave but fat wife is too bifg tgo get out the door and the cops cant get by her and postal main guy hits the remote and blows em apart

main guy puts on shades and drives off and we see the baddz leader and prez jr dancing hand in hand as nukes hit

the end

adr mixers; frasnk koch and todd anisman?! Are these p0rno names?!

But that was a f--king trip!

its crazy, offensive, in bad taste, crass, overr the top, and tells things as people dont wanna accept aRE REAL

I LOVED IT

its so stoopid but so fun

its openly bad and has fun with it while being intentionally awful

1 guy said its like a Troma film and while I never actually saw any films by them, I think it fits

its a silly comedy with a few political satiure messages and has an f'd up teen boy stily of humor

I don't laugh often at films but this got me to a few times

Its not as over the top funny as the human centipede 3, but its not far off(I mean this is a good way)

of cource Uwe Boll makes bad films! Its his thing! Like Mel Brooks makes Comedy and JJ Abrams makes films that try to be like better directors works

I had fun watching this and its worth a see if you can handle all the politically incorrect humor

Those weird europeany guys are pretty great

For Postal 2 I want the world top be a nuked out wasteland and postal dude and coffee chick are wanderinmg arpound with him beats out and eating people who challenge him. Turns out Verne Troyer has fused with the monkeys and absorbed them into a giant monkey golem and is looking for him as he didn'ty save him from the monkeys. Also its a 128 bit game like Shemnmue on Sega Dreamcast, GameCube, XboX and PS2 where you play as Postal Dude and his Coffee Chick and go around doing whatever you want and can find arcade like games in the wasteland that you fuel with brain juice from people you wwaste and the game boss is a fight against the Verne Troyer Moneky Golem

The Long Riders Review

 Note: I speel wrong for too long

The Long Riders

This isd my review on The Long Riders from the distant future year of 1980

I neveer saw it but it got good reviews

Its directal my Walter Hill Who did Thew WARRIORS And Geronimo: An American Legend 

It stars James Keach from National Lampoon's Vacation, Stacy Keach from Batman: Mask of the Phantasm, American History X, The Bourne Legacy, Blure Bloods and Law saand Order SVU, David Carradine from Kill Bill, Keith Carradine from Spider-Man: The New Animated Series, Robert Carradine from Ghosts of Mars, Max Keeble's Big Move and Lizzie McGuire, Dennis Quaid from Frequency and the remake of footloose and The Day After Tomorrow, Randy Quaid from The Last Picture Show, National Lampoon's Vacation, National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation, Freaked, Independence Day, Kingpin, The Adventures of Rocky and Bullwinkle, Not Another Teen Movie and Brokeback Mountain, Christopher Guest from Death Wish, The Princess Bride, A Few Good Men and Small Soldiers, Nicholas Guest from the 90s Fox Kids odzilla, Power Rangers Time Force, the 00s Justice League, Astroboy, Star Trek 2, Terminator 3, Kickbozer 4, The Land Before Time 3m Zootopia and Trading Places, abd a BUCHA OTHER GUYS

ooh, united artists

so after title and credits we get a bank hold up in misouri after the civil war

1 robber wants the safe and the banker shoves his a55 so the robber caps him and book it

they fight a bit and go off and later tyheres a poker game with 1 guy looking like ernest meets hanson and randy waurid goes to see this guy on guyuitasr singing

he nearly blows off the guys hand with a peashooter and has him playa confederate song

btw this is widescreen and color but a woody earthy color and a chick flirts with david caradine who looks like ernest and offers to b00ne for 15$

he sezx no but offers to cut her for 11$ and she wins so she sez to come when he's luckier

so the super jesse james bros are back on their farm and working on it and are gonna go back to outlaw work as they got gfs there

jesse's woman wants a big a55 wedding and frank chops wood as a metaphor for j-rkin off

later the carridine gang cathes a cpouple on a cart and holdfs em uup

1 guy gets his clothes stole after mouyythjing off at a robber holding jhis woman and the robbers book it

carriodine dave comes in to some hotel and findds a chick in the rtub but we d0nt her her b00bs and randfy is with a naked chick quoting the bible

so dave the slave b0nes the h00ker and she wants to marry him to kjnowe what its like to be respectable

he sez she'd alweays be a wh-re but he likes that

wow we're like half an hour in with commercials

So Jesse James gets married and there's an 11800s dance like at a barn or something the amishmen would do (Maybe fiddler on the roof) and 1 18 year old is engaged to ed miller by dennis quaid

qUID! get to da reactor!

ed got land and they told everyone but 1 guy i think frank, wait its jiom younger, adviseses her not to

the miller qiaid brosa beet and catch up and they dance more

I like how they got actual brothers to play brotrjhers in the movies

bob and chucck ford come by and meet frank james and as its the south, there';s a Coonfederate Flag in the background

they wanna join the james bros and after the party, dave casrrofsfdine and his h00ker go seperate ways

wait the dance is still going and frank james and randy quAID TALK ABOUT love

so later theres a great train robbery and the guys ride up to it, climb on and sticck em up with firearms

oh its the younger brosan they loot the safe and the james and millers  aid

they ride off wasting bullets in the air and theres a 5000$ reward for the james yuounger gang

a soviet new york heraLD REPORTER guy comes to cover da storyand the yankee cops come to the jaMES BOYS farm to get the james boys

ma james dont like em invading her domain andthen we see 2 robbers coming by, i think the younger bros, saying howee great bank robing is

they come by the cops who say they are here for the youngers and are here for buying cattle

the younger bros know ytey are pinkertons and1younger gets blown out  so the other chases the shooter and sends him to h e donble lincon

the millers iddentify the bodies and later the pinkertons throw a flaming thing in the james home amd it blows and wastes the james fam

so they have a service for the younger brother who was iced

frank i mean ed by dennis dont wannsa fight the pinkertons but 1 of the carridines tells him off and he ditches his woman and the group

the james bros comfort their mom over her home and fam being iced by the gov and we getta jesse james gee haad where he vows to make the purvo pinkertons pay

at night the youngers and james confont the guys who iced the james fam and they say itr was just meeant to smoke em out

james sez "my brotyyher was 156! think of that, on your way to h-ll!"

then he raises his hand and it glows white and they scream "JessE! Nooooooo!" As Jesse obliterates em with his ki!

jk he and his droogs shred em with gunfire

so the pinkeertons comne for the james bros and the robbers are hiding out on AN Farm but the barn is shredded with gunfire

they retuirn fire and 1 of em gets it and 1 guy runs out in the open as the shjots keep commin

what are ja? stpooopid?!

i think he gets it and the guys break open the a55 end of the barn and escape downn a plant area like in a contra level and escape on their big black horses

at this servie jesse james ma is interviewed and she tells her back story of the guys she married

1 guy was caughtand is offered thousands of dollers to catch the james bros but he dont consent to ratting out his droogs to the devient pinkertons

hes in for 6 months for drunk busting a bar, which is a good reason not to drink, as it makes you say and do stppoid things

gotta stay in control of your actions, or you may do something you regret

if my kid drank, i'd sell him to a 5kank!

sailor venus: Well, I don't hhave much money on me, but, isnt there some, OTHER, way I could pay you??

so in Texas the robbers hang out in a saloon and dave bugs his h--ker who isnt happy with his commenting on her b0ning a lot of guys and she shoots a few things

this indian guy comes out and sez hes her husband and she wants them to fight over her and the indian named sam starr like a f-0-kin marvel comivcs hero, pulls oit a big a55 knife

they put a cloth between their mouths and haver a knife fight like in michael jacksons beat it video and this just went from cowboy to pirate movie

dave punches him off the cloth but thewy have round 2 and he shanks the indian in the leg

then r lee ermysez "you know what to do" and leatherface chainaws of the guys ddamaged leg, but nicks the good leg, so he saws off the other one!

nah, that would be f--kin stoopid!

man we're like 90 mins in with adds, thast felt like nothing

so the pinkertims are whining about not having caught the james younger gang when asked by the reporter

jesse goes by this house and wait its frank and he reunites with his woman and wait i think it is jesse and after they b0ned offscreen, he wants to do another heist and settle down

franklin benjamin james the tutrlre whoi's buddy bear is the muslce of ther group, chaTS WITH HIS WOMAN AND later the gang meets in a drink place to plan their next job

they wanna go to minesoda but the gang dont think its right for em, even if its full of money

the james bros get outta bed and Grit blurred out the girls nips and the guys covered buytt crack as its too much, even though the simpsons and spongebob has a55crack

frank wants to marry his woman and dave's woman's nips are out so they blurr em out and the james and youngers reunite and go to minnesodas to rob da bannke on a traine

randy quaid looks like a devolved brendon frasiser

dave carifine wants his legend to go on and be famous and 1 guy said he went north once to shoot buffaslo but got a secks disease from a native woman

so they get to missouri or minnesoda and 1 guy wants to send scouts to scope out the arera but the rest dont think they need it and thhey ride in to town

after waityin arfound for a wehile hey see a steram tractor comming by like some fma thing

Its the distant future year of 1976 so this is high tech for the era

eventually they go in da bank and hold it up ands randy sez to open the safe but the teller sez the bank was time locked and the whole thing is set up for them as they were expecting them

1 guy runs and is shot and for some reason, Grit chose to blurr out the bullet holes and, to quote TYurning Mecard: all h-ll breaks loose

they try shooting the vault but it does diddley d0ng and theyres a gunfight and people get capped and falll off buildings and 1 guy gets shot through the cheeks, but they only blurr out the out hole

the robbers book it while being fired on and firing back and 1 guy is capped as the gorse draggs him

there's no words for several minutes, just huys getting capped

the horses jump through a glass a55 window  and out out anohter one even though they;'d be sliced up by that

dave carridine goes in slo mo and jumps a wall and spazzes out as randy quaid or some0ne else i think gets on and they ride on

so the gang gerts away but some are shot up and 1 james sez to lerave em behind and let the cops take em to a dr

1 james sez to the wounded they are leaving and if they wanna find em, i mean follow em, they can

the dave youndger pulls a gun on him and sez they dont need him and his hand is blurred out and it looks like the guys in Dune from the 80s

the james bros go and the wounded swear and randy quaid biters it

is this where the transformers movie got it from with the decepticons abandoning the crippled ones ?

so the james bros go on and come to a river and jesse sez to frank he's gonna gettA NEW GANG TOGETher

they horse ride across the water and in the hospital; the pinkertons grill the survivors, naimely dave carrifinmme, over trying to nail the james boys

dave the slave says he was in thre army and denies the james bros being in the state

they grill the other guys but get jack sh-t, but themn try to bribe the ford bros to betray the james bros for 15 000 $

the deviant fords agree like their daemon lover relative henry and lsater the foirds are at the table witrh the james fam

after dinner 1 of the sodomus fords suspects jesse of something and jesse talks plans for robbing a bank

the fords ice jeesse james as he thinks about his fam and wedding

frank james turns himself in so he cangive his bro a grave and they go by train to do it

the end

that was actually pretty good

its got good pacing and style and doesn't drag

it has good flow and goes by at a good pace

good acting and action and filming andf the music is well done

its like little house on the prarie meets go nagai with the violence, nude scenes and bada55ness

Walter Hill or w/e this guys name is (i'm,m not scrolling up to recheck) was pretty good and did some grande filmes

glad i saw it

for The Long Riders 2 I want the gang to meet up years later and have been patched up with steampunk tech to replace their dewstroyed parts. they decide to avenge jesse and take on the pinkertons and the fords and have thomas edison edity their steampunk parts with buklt in weapons and gear spring blades. Also its a 16 bit beat em up with up to 4 players on sega genesis, snes, gnba, tg16 and atari hjaguar where you play as the survivors and battle through waves of the pinkertons to end em and face the fords who have fused with daemon magic to become a double human with 4 arms, 34 legs and a fused head with a face on the front and back(they fused back to back and walk like a 4 legged thing)

The Ace Of Hearts Review

 Note: I spell like an Ace in the Hole in my a55!

The Ace Of Hearts

This is mt revew on The Ace Of Hearts from 1921 (100 years before Johnny mnemonic happened where they had brain cyber implants, cyberization, and vhs tapes)

its based on the pulp novel the purple mask by Gouverneur Morris who as related to Foundingf Father Gouverneur Morris and wrote The book The Penaltry was based on (Also by Lon Chaney)

Its dircted by Wallace Worsley who did The Penalty and the 23 Hunchback of Notre Dame

It starsa Lon Chaney who was the undisputed King of Horror until he died with the Silent Era, Leatrice Joy from The Ten Commandments (20s ver) and Show People, John Bowers who was the inspoiration of the guy in A Star Is Born, Civil War Hero Son Hardee Kirkland, Raymond Hatton from The Cheat, In Cold Blood, Day the World Ended, the 11933 Alice in Wonderland, the 223 The Hunchback of Notre Dame, Cullen Landis who was in WW2, and a few guys I never heard of

It orginnally had a differemnt ending but Sam Goldwyn thought it was unrealiatic and made em change it

I saw this b4 and its pretty good with some interenting ideas while stayng true to the Lon Chaney style

So after title aND CREDITS we get these guys gathering in a home for a meeting aand say the chick(Who's named after Adam's 1st woman b4 Eve) isn't there but they'll do it anyway

they decide that 1 guy who they say hAs power to make thew worl;d better, made the woprld worse (According to who?) and as 1 of the members has faked being his homie for 3 montrhs to keep tabs on the man lately

he thinks wacking him would make the world a better place and a guy named forrest who faked being his butler, says "he lived too long"

Then the leader asks Lon who was painting the targewts picture for 3 months and he sayys the ssame

they vote on it and all agree to put him to sleep like one of those european countries do to anyone who feels bad that day

they take a break til 10 and Lon and Forrest almost bump into each other and both go out

Lon and Forrest go to a home and flip a coin tto see who goes up,

Lon wins and goes up and in this plae we see a guy making something with a button that turns

Lon returns downstairs and forrtest goes up to the girl they both seem to like and he tells her one of them will be sent to wack someone and it might be a suicide mission

she's ok with this as the mission is important and he loves her but she never thought of love before cuz shes a commie or w/e

despite being a bad guy commie occupy movement dink; he loves her and took a license to marry her but she only thinks of their mission to wack peoplew the leader makes them think dont deserve to live

unlike today when the media tells us who to hate because that person doesn't agree with them

so the chick and the guys go out and she sez "don't take l.ife to heart! hear that wind? Who knows but the world may end tonight"

My ideas: 1: You mean the rapture? 2: Man, this predicted the Soviets in the 60s-90s!

So at the meeting place they have a device where you turn the monogram plate to the far left anbd 5 mins later it blwos

the chick and guys come by and are shown the thing, then chick shuffles a deck of cards and has Lon cut the deck

Whoever draws the Ace of Hearts gets the mission and she hands out cards 1 by 1 to the guys

no onew gets it the 1st time so she deals more cards and this is like that Yugioh ep and manga chapter where Tea was in the Ferris Wheel and this guy had Yugi lay a caRD Game where if he gets 4 of the same card on a thing; the wheel cart blows

foorrsst gets the ace and is spazzing out and chick likes him for it and he';s glad to go to h e double societ california for the cause

1 of tyhe members is glad its not him as he's got a wife and kids but forrest is happpy its him

he plans to put the thing in the table the target eats at for breakfast and they give him money in caSE He needs to escape after it blows

she's go gay for the cause that she's gonna marry him to giuve him courage to do it

lon spazzes out over it and forrest sez he feels sorry for him and they go out

Lon goes after saying sorry and he';s not sure how to last the night and outside shows really emotional distraught faces

In real life; Lon Chaney's parentys were deaf so he mastered nonverbal communication from birth

Which explains why he's one of the best silent actors

so lon goes to their place and asks if they married and they sez =yes nd fopprrest gave her his moms ring (like in forrest gump?) ands they go in

i thiunk for a marriage to be official you gotta b0ne

lon waits outside like a stalker and a storm startts

inside they are romantic in a clean way and he dsez he gotta be at the restaurant by 7 or it would be suspect

sher thinks he's a hero for wacking a guy thhey dont like and the next sday the storm stopped and he trys to get up b4 chick but she wakes and sees him

now that they have lovbe they quersation theirt kommie teachings and chick thinks icing that guy might not be good

he wishes he had a normal job instead of kult hit man and wishes that only the bad guys wiould suffer

she suggets dumping the item in the river and running off toi the west and changing their names but he sez whereever they gom the group would find em

lon is nice to a dog outside, whiuch kinda predicts hitler and peta as both hate people and love animal

forrest dont wanna break his oath as even thoguh he';s the bad guy, he has some honor.

sorta like how in reddit and tumblr they have these malcontents who have a weird honor code but are on with ruining people they don't like

once i saw a show wherte Rabbi's talk and 1 said: no one doers anything knoiwing its bad, hitler thoguth he was doign good, stalin thought he was doing good, peta thinks its doing good"

so he has his woman go to bed and sez he only has enough courage to do thign and can't kiss her

he goes out and meets lon and they go off to the mission and he has lon promice to takje care of his woman if anything happens to him

lon returns to the klub base and tells em forrest is doing the mission anfd the klub goes to have breakfast

later chick comes  to the base and tells lon that forrest won't do it and lon sez they execute traitors

sher sez if lon had drtawn the ace of hearts then she'd have married him and be asking forrwst for help to save lon

lon sez cuz he loves her he;'s gonna help her but if forrest gets it; she'd marry him

she consents and trys to escape when lon isnt looking to warn forrest so he'd betraY the klub but lon locks them in

She admits to have been lying so he'd help them and she could sdave him but the thing about if Lon got the Ace of Hearts in Attack Mode was true

lon opens the door but its too late now even to phone him to save him

at the restaurant the forrest sees a lovey doveey couple who''s running away to get married as he plants the item

the targewt comes in and tells forrest to stay eright next to him until he ortrders breakfast and its almost time for it to blow!

laater the kommie Klub is together and tthe paper comes in saying the president will force packers to end wage fight and coommie strikes sweep the nation

forresty comes back andf has the item and says he was moved by these 2 lovers at a near table who wanted to be bmarried and he couldn't blow the area

the head of the group sez to take the chick wjho ruined him and go and they'll decide in cult wway how to end him

he says to do him here and get it over with but they dopnt and he and chick leave

he sez its better he gets f';d than to ruin those innocent loving children (Are they 17? and legally the same as age 7?)

outside he tells chick his love gives him courage but only for good things and they go off

later its night or something and lon is pleading wiith the group emotionally and sez he's not sure the world can be fixed wiith violence but instead needs love

wasn't this the plot of Monsters Inc?

lon ttakkes the device and puts it away but turns the knob so its activate

the headmaster sez to wack the target later ands now they gotta decicde who ends forrest and they deal cards

Lon gets ther Ace of Hearts and is happy and laughs and when asked whats so funny, he sez he'd tell em in 2 seconds

lon laughts like the joker and then the item blows and blasts em all to h e double california

didn't White Heat do this too with James Cagny Top \Uh Da World Ma!! ??

later the cops cheecxk the place and we see lon chaney's arm holding the ace of hearts

later its the country and the chick and forrest read a paper abpout a place blowing in the city with 7 guys wacked in it and 1  hand was holding the Ace of Heartsd

they realize they sare fre and walk off

the end

but in the real version; they ssee the ace of hearts in a tree and when forrest returns home, he sees lon who is mnissing an asrm and says he saw the error of his ways and is good now

but goldwiyn didnt like that

overall its a good movie and holds up

great expression of the tormented lon chaney and the other actors are good

nice filming and it tells a clean story that is cool and mature but not explicit

good twists and i like how it shows the goodness inside bad people winning

Well done film that is from the bad guys pov but stiull has a positive look

glasd I saw this one. its worth watching

and its public domain and only like 74 mins

For The Ace Of Hearts 2 I want the couple to have a kid but he's all devolvved and daemonic and it turns out that their invoolvement in thast group was a fortme of daemon worship and it corrupted their dna, so they gotta find these holy ityems needed to restore them and their kid in holy temples in Eastern Europe. Also its a 16 bit game of Sega Genesis, Snmes, GBA, TG16 asnd Atari Jaguar where you play as the hugband or wiife and go througfh temples and beat guardians to get the holy items, and as the game boss, you fight the daemon that the group worshipped to free yourself and fam.

White Tiger Review

 Note I spell better than the marvel hero

White Tiger

This is my review on White Tiger from 1923

It satarts Priscilla Dean FROM tHE wICKED dARLING, Matt Moore from the 10s 20 000 leagues under ther sea and the unholy 4 i meaN 3, Raymondf Griffith from All Quiet on the Western Front, the horrid wallace beery from The Last of the Mohicans, The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse, The Champ and Ttreasure Islandf, Emmit King from the 30s Man in the Iron Mask, and sdomew 1800sa homioes i nerver heard of

its directyed by Tod Browning who did The Unholy 3, Freaks and Fraculas, which are NOT P0RN0ES

i never saw this b4 but its public domain and I like T B

Huh, its a remake of OPutside The Lawe frimn Todd Browbnning too

So after credits we get text about the White Tiger which make it seem like Starscream

in the home of mike donovan (Wasn't he Guile in the cheesy a55 90s Street Fighter Cartoon?) Scotland yard is watching his place or something and he senses danger

his kids, a boy and a girl (*In a struggle for truth?) play safe and therews a  guy called bill hawkes who is in there and is gonna signal da cops

backl door billy isnt nice to da kids and boy sez he hopes billy is alive when hes a ghrown up

donovan triusts billy and boy goes out by a cop as billy gives the signal, a window shade thing

dA cops come in and cap donovan as HE  may havbe had a gun and a chick tells boy they killed his dad and sister as he spazzes out

but girl is allive and told by billy donovan bit it and she will to if she talks

15 years later; they think the other is in h e double soviiet england and its at a wax museum like in the Sega Game Mastyer of Darkmess

billy goes by donelli and hid in the evil area of soviet paris and girl is faking being his daughter

theres a mechanical chess player (Like the game boy chess master?) that is operated by boy and he wants revenge on the guys who iced hius fam

he dont know that girl is his sister and likes her, and i think shes a pick pocket

he crawls outta the chess players a55 and gets dressed up to be with girl and his co worker thinks hes gay for her

is this where star wars ghot it?

are they gonna inbreed?

so he meets her and sez he thought she was a cop and they see a guy with a thing on his tie

later they remeet and she gives him an item and we look through the wax museum at historical things of torture and revengfe

she wwants to do it to the guy who got her dad iced  and sez it to back door billy

billy has girl talk to boy and remninds er that shes hisd kid and she tells boy her dad wants to see him at their place tonight

in the real vewrsion he b0ned him there

so at da home billy dont trist chivcks in there as they might steal anmd bickerts with girl and looks over wallets

he sez if he can get boy on his side she can stop pickpocketing

boy comes by looking like walt disney witn that hair and moustache, maybe gomez addams, and billy offers to bring the mechanicxal chess player to america with em to make big money

da cop and a guy come in asking if any of those 3 did something aND guy sez no BD THEY GO

cops coming in without a warrent to accuse people?

How Un American!

so then billy sez his iddea of count donelli amnd daghter have a mechanical chess player and society falls for it

boy asks if he knew mike donovan and billy sez no

boy sez donovan wwas his dad and cleans his nails with a switch blade and sez hawkes iced his dad/sdister and he wants revenge like Cutey Honey or the Inuyasha cast

billy sez the killer is probably dead by now and invites him to America

boy asez he likes girl like a sister as i guess even in the 200s; inbreeding wasn't ok in films yet

billy sez he always wanted a son and they go to soviet new york later

1 guy, richard longwirt (ding long weortj?! is this a p0rn0?!) is interested in thjem (oh f--k! it IS a p0rn0!!) and billy and girl lreased the hamilton residence

so thry live i a big a55 house and ding long worth bugs em every day

boy smokes whiuch is gonna kill him like drinking or b0ning a lot and girl fakes being billys seretary

boy dont trust dick and thinks hes up to something and claims to be the brainsd buy she bickers with him

billy comes down and shuts their a55es for em being too loud and dick comes by so they get dressed up and fake being rich

1 butler looks like mussolini and brings dick in and boy fakes being a man of the king

dick sez a bishop wants to try to beat the jinzo ningen chess player and girl goes out in his big white car with him

so after a buncha dates with diick and they go to this cabin in the catskills, oh builly and boy are there too

whasts with browning and cabins? this wwas used in the unholy 3 aswell!

then again, birth of a nation used it too and that wwas really popular

girl is gay for dick but billy wants to use him to get into fancy homes

so in 1 home they jacvk a safe aand steal sh-t and, wait, its just boy going in the metal chess man and being shipped out

girl wants out of the crime game and later at a packed place, they show the metal chess man in attack mode and show some hears turning to make peopple think its mechanical

boy shifts around and moves the gears to make it look not hollow and gets in the jinzo ningen to play chess but is more interested in girl

btw the jinzo ningen just points to pieces and billy moves em

so boy wiins as i guess hes actually good at chess and they move the metalo off

boy comes out and jacks a safe but fakes beimng into a stone bust of a thing when a guy comes by

dick and girl are together and he wonders if theres another guy but she sez she is gonna wait a while for the answer

boy returns and dick sees him by the inzo ningen and he cant enter the anus with beiing looked at

a butlet dont recpoognize boy as a guest and outs him to the home ownner amd home owener asks whjo he is

1 guy sez he was in ther library and they search him and he does hand moves to billy

they find nothing and have him taken to hheadquarters (i assume the cops) as i guess in soviet new york; you dont need a reason for the gov to getcha

later, billy and girl realize ther jewels are in the chess machine and dick recopgnized the boy so they gotta hide out

girl suggests the cabin and they pack and get da joolz but the cops are there and they head to da door

boy opens da door and tthey split and the cops check the chess andropid

at da cabin girl has sore a55 feet and they check the jewels and divifde em up but there's 13 pieces

a small blicketee black cat comes in and mews a bit ands girl thinks 13 pieces and black cat is a siign

so then i think dick came by and booy gives him the jewel bag but girl takes it and they talk

back door billy takes a rifle and chats with boy about something, then dick goes to another room where billy sez hes gonna stay here, see?

girl looks at da joolz and boy tells dick that dick wont get thre jerweels

girl hides the jewels and breaks a mirror AS the guys come out and she sez she was finding a place to hide em

boy takewws em out and she sez she;'s scatter em around and bill;y sez he's gonna scattewr her over ther cabin if she trysd it again

billy has em puill up da floor boards so they know where it is and boy wants to count em 1st

they do and at night they hjardly sleep as they distrust the each other

dick rattles the dsoor andboy opens it and he tells boy that dishonestlyu leads to unhappiness but boy dont buy it

dick comes out and calls billy the count and girl wants billy to use a bucket but h gives it to dick and she goes with him

boy watches em and sez hes creeped out by dick and thinks hes eithewr a great crook or non human

girl and dick returen and he sez he knowes why she wanted to wait and now wants AN swer

later its night and they werte probably just j-rkin off all day and girl wants to lwave

they wonder if she;s gonna betray em and dick has a rifle now and fires out the window

the trio get their guns and when theylook in; dfick is reading a book

then we see ther poem of the Whitwe Tiger being a crook and then billy beery gets ant poison

boy sez billy not knowing hawkes despite living in his area all his life is off

billy and boy watch ghirl and dick freom rthe window and he pouts the piosoin out and sez shge was at the oven with it

when diock and girl come back he gets her to think bioys into putting poison in da foode

the 2 seem to distrust each other and she smells the poison and the soup 

later itys dinner aND she serves soup as billy and dick are doing firerwood

he dont eat it and she is suspect but he offers her some and she dont either

back door billy and dicky come in and boy gives dick his soup

she stops him from eating it and after some bickering he strangles her but she fights him off with a knife shank in the torso

thats actually clever

to each it looks like the other is the poisoner

this is good writing

dick tends to boys wound and boy sez he knows billy is hawkes and he should have iced him b4 he framed him like he did michael donovan

then admits to being the son and she says she's the sister

they have a moment of reunion anmd she sez she thought he was dead

girl gets a rtifle and aims it at tyhe deviant evil wallace beery

send him to h-ll! you know you wanna! all the cool kids are dooing it

but instead she has dick get a rope and sez if boy mbites it she'df brand him for life

shoot him in the parts!

so dick trreats boy and he's not doing well

the only way to save him is a transplant so she cuts open billy and pulls out the organs boy needs as he screams

jk

really she gets emotional and we see billy hanging from his wrists in the room

she gets a metal thing and theres a lightyening stormed flickering the light and she finds biuilly has gotten outt ahis ropes and has escaped out the window in the woods

girl is gonna send the jewels back and wait, its dick asking her to aS they wqqont but her happiness or peace

evantually his words get to hwer and slay the white tiger in her heart(take that marvel!!)

the next day they get the jewels and find they are gone but i think the cats got em

the cops come in with guns and he sezx there was no robbery but an experiment and he's gonna explain to the cheif and return the jewels to his sister

billy b--chcakes bit it in the woods and dick sez "The cats paws all of us for something we dont know, some purpose we dont understand

the end

that was pretty good

nice twists and good drama

half the film is them in the cabin and the othert half is them putting the puieces on the board

Kinda like From Dusk Til Dawn 1 or Candyman 1

good style of crime and love/hate

nice acting and expression and its got good style

no swearing or b0ning or deviants ort graphic violence

its a clean serious movie

nowADAYS they;'d fuill it with swearing and gore adn sodomy cuz they dont think anything for adults can be clean

tod bworning did well on this one and i'm, glad i saw it

its not as intense, but it has a few good moments that come together well

for White Tiger 2 i want for the giurl and dick to be getting ready to be married but sh has issues with her life of crime and dont know if she's worthy of being normal after it. so she sees a shrink who has her relive her past and see what pinpoint moment caused her to get f'd up and we see her adventures over those 15 years. also its an 8 bit nes, game boy, Sega Master System, Game Gear, TG16, Atari Lynx and 7800 game where you play as her and gotta do different missions across europe to unlock the final boss who's the billy as a representation of her uissues and beat him to be free from her past.

The Nevadan Review

 note: I spell like a nervada man

the nevadan

This is my review on The Necvadan from the distant future year of 1950

i never saw it b4 but itsd directal by ghordon douglas who did nothing i saw

it stars randolf scott, dorothy malone from basic instinct, forrest tucker from The Yearling, frank faylen from yankee doodle dandy, George Macready from back to the future meets the thing i mean julius caesar, charles kemper from scarlet street, jeff cortey from fist of the north star, tom powers from julius caesar, Jock Mahoney from the tarzan films iu never saw and Olin Howland from the 30s Treasure Island and a star is born aand boy slaves 

so after logos we get a vault blowing and guys jacking dough  over title and credits

so this guiy is shaackled and caught and brought in on a cart but is given time to stop and take a dump or w/e

btw this is in color and proper full screen so we get the whgole pictuyrte

he is in a rtoom and knocks out a guy,. gets off his chains, breaks out a windowe and drives away on a horse a55

guys go after him and through the hills and this seems a bit like a silent film as theres action and little words and much action

so in the hills and woods he escapes them, then cauches a guyu at gunpoint who sez he's lost and was looking for a way out by following him

escapee sez to follow the riverbed to get to town, then switches clothes with him and makes him go with him

then some people insider talk about stuff being stolen

then escaped guy coimes by rthe bank saying he needs to tyake money out and has his arm in a sling so he cant sign for it

he gets an encolope and he and the hostage go off but are caught at gunpoint by a guy under a bridge who makes them disarm and come off the horse

they get searched and the bridgertons want his envolope but he sez he threw it away and the bridge guys are brotherts who want it

they wealk him toi a tree and the hostage grabs the brothers gun and makes em stop and sends em back to town for 30 miles

escapee takes hostages guns and throws them away and later thewy talk by a campfire and sleep by each other

so later they go on threough the mad max wasteland and gwet to a ranch where he weantys to trade horses and there s achick there manning it

he gets a new horse and its revealed  her dad owns the town or w/e and when ther horses name is sauidf, it spazzes out

THUINDER!

me: cats?!

he goes off and she offers him work if he needs it

at toiwn he finds gault owns everything and gets a hotel roome next to another guy he knows

ther room is 600$ and the nmexican running it has a girl who gets bracelets from guys she does stuff for

remember those 90s bracelets that teens wore that used different colors to show what kinbd of b0ning they did?

so at da bar 1 guy is low on dough and asks scott for money but scott sez he never met him

the town guys bring escapee into a room to interrogate and he nearly fights but they say, oh its the guys who he sent wqalking from the bridge

they aSK WHERE THE ENVOLOPE IS AND HE SEZ THE GUY BURNED IT So they grab him but he's offered to join him

he dont conmsent and gets beat up with really fake obviously missing punches

oh its not ecaperee who had the envolope. i wasnt paying attention

soi the bridge bros bicker and the town head talks with a guy about how they are parttnmers

partner is into booze and head is into money anbd he needs this gold thing

opwn head's woman left him but he never got over it and now obnsesses with gold and thers 25% of a million in Gold

Wow this scene was all done in 1 take

so he offers to split the qwearter million in goldd with partner

at night the hostage is the one with the envolpope and escapee goes in his roim

some guys come in and its a brother and the other brother closes the window and hostage caps him

the townsfolk come and it looks like he shot a guy w/o a gun (even though you CAN kill a man unarmed! Look at jail! People are beat dead often!)

they are gonna string him up and townhead offers him a trial

escapee sez to townhead he saw someone outside and gives hi a i dfoir his drink

later its daytime but dimmed to look dARKER AND 1 GUY GOES IN A ROOM AND IS BEAT OUT

LATER ESCAPEE is confronted by head for having hosatages gun and is leaving as he didnt know who he saw outside

laster hes riding with the 1 chick on yhe movie and they go by her old place with croippled horses she uses as a hideout

he leaves her his horse to getta new one and she sez he came as a greenhorn but mastered a tough horse and is now pro

its got that soft warm music that 50-s films did as they have a moent together

he goes off and 2 guys, oh its the brothers and anotrher guy got capped, and they mentionm ow townhead dont want his daughter to know he wacks people

like r fk and cllin tiun and the queen and charles?

also they bicker over a girl they like

they report to head over how theyt saw escapee with daughter but didnt ice him and are gonna bust hostage outta jail

later escapee comes by the dentist saying he lost 2 teeth in a fight and oh itys sherreif and as shgerrif looks in his mouth, he jacks his gun and takes him captive

so escapee gets int jail and tells hostage he was set up by gault the town head who wants his gold and offers him a partnmershgip

hostage agrees and they lock sherrif in the jail, gets their guns and they escae in a cart thing as the badds chade em

they jump out and the cart eveltally falls and the badds see there's no one ion it

at the old house, the chick is walking horses and meets escaee who she knows broke out the hostaghe anbd shemight tell dad

oh its hostage and escapee sez not to hold her captive as the town would knowe if sghes missing

escapee trys to rreason with her but she trusts her dad and hosatage thinks aboutgetting hellp to haul the gold

escapee sez hes gonna give away the gold he earns and she don''t buy it

i'm having trouble telling who's what as i'm ttyping onm my laptop and talking to perople online 

town head aNDHIS GOONS ARE TRYING TO FIND THE GHGOLD  and f u caps locvk! burn in the blackest pits of h-ll

chick comes in and dad sez he knew he saw her horses by the jaiil and when she sez she dont know who she gave em to, he grabs her ansdgoes nuts

she sez he's goon and town head slaps her for the 1st time but asaez sorry so hes good

she sez escapee is a marshall and the goons hear and wanna out escapee as one to make hostager ice him AND THEY'd get hinm easier

also they wanna kkepp tabs on her and later we seeescapee meeting chick who sez not to go or dad will ice hi as she told him his sh-t

he doint care and later the goons report to towh nead that chick snuck off somehow with muels and towh  head is p-ssed his kid turned on him

town head fgoes there for some reason as i guess he dont trust his goons ad at the old holme the goodf guys open fire on him but miss and head tells them escapee is an agent but hostage dont care

so the bads csneak in and see chick with some guns and saying town head went bad from greed and dont cassre about anything bush bucks

he blames the escapee but she sez she knows he'd do anything for money, even ice her, but he dont ice her and goes after the duo

1 good tied chick to the saddle and they go on but she kicks him into water and escapes with a chase scene like a 20s film

after several horse jumps, he busts hi face on an overhanging log and falls and she gets to a place where a guy cuts her free and gets her a new horse

so the main guys stop to tend the horse and the badds are nearing and find their horses and follow thweir trACKS

wait, its not their horses

the good guys talk about keepiong the partnership and wait, it was their horses and they are usinbg muels

head and his goons follow and they are running outta steam but head is focusd on it hard

thsi is seeming like the 20s film Greed by Erich cvon Stroheim with them in the dersert after the gold

the brothers talk about how 1 of their gf's is a 5kank and he wants to use the dough on her

so the duo get to the mine and find da gold he left and escapee comes out about him being an agent

theres tension but they still work together and gunfight the badds ut hold their fire to get the badss to come closes as the badds have rifles and the duop has 6 shootters

the badds cap the duo's muels anmd canterens to p-ss em off but the duo dont fall for it

there';s a wait for 5 hours like in dbz with nappa and both sides are outta water

maybe if you took their water instead of wasting it then you'd not be f'd?

they gunfight and 1 bad guy is capped in the skull which it actually showed a mark pop on his head

the other brother holds him and shot bro sez sorry for calling his woman a wh-re and shot bro bites it

the other brother gets it and chick comes in and has her dad at guinpoint

she sez the gold is more to him than she is and she gets wehy mom ditched him, then as head is b--ching about his ex wife, he gets capped

dont worry, he's gonna be ok, he just needs some rest

escapee trys to convicne hsotage to turn himself in and give up the gold as if he caps escapee he;'s gonna hang

hostager dont care andf thinks the gold will save him but then the mine falls in and escapee shoves him outta the way

they figh as the mine comes apart like goku vs freeza on ther colapsoing namek but escapee wins and drags his a55 out as the mine goes

later in town the duop and sherrif talk and he's ok with whsat happened and dont got da gold

they go off in a cart and chick sez escaspee is gonna return for his horse

the end

that was pretty good

Nice quick clean film

no swearing or nude scenes

Good twists in the story and good style

The 2 homies fighting at the end until something fell and they are better afterward was like Flesh And The Devil with Greta Garbo

Good action and coul be edited into a Silent Film

Glad I saw it. Its got a good feel and effort

For The Nevadan 2 I want the main guy to return aND be on another case where there were u f o's seen and he has to team uip with the girl to fight the space daemons by using bullets blessed by the priest. Also its an 8 bit Run N Gun game like Contra on Sega Master System and Game Gear, Nes and Game Boy, TG16, Atari Lynx and Jaguar