Thursday, March 7, 2019

Charlies Angel's Review

note; spelling right is nice but spelling your own way is the way to be!
charlies angels
this is my review on charlies angels from the distant future year of 2000
its got drew berrtmore, cameron diaz and lucy liu
I've only seen a few eps of the 70s show this was based on and only in the last few months
but looking back there were many refs to it in 90s shows like dexters lab
its directed by McG which sounds like either a rapper or p0rn0 name
huh, its got bill murray from Garfield in it
and tim curry from a buncha 90s shows
btw they're remaking this in the distant future year of 2019 and in that one the girls are black
yet in here 1 is Asian
yet in the 90s dexters lab had dee dee and her black and Asian friends did parody's of it
did they know??
so it starts with em on a cgi plane like skies of arcadia on sega dreamcast and a hetero couple goes to the bathroom to b0ne
man, this plane is huge
its like  video game level
1 scuzzy guy has a thing strapped o him to blow the plane
so this African guy grabs him and takes em both out of the plane
a chixck sky dives, takes the thing off him, it blows, catches him, and parachutes into a plane with Cameron diaz in a bikini
the African takes oiff his face and its drew Barrymore
is that blackface?
oh and she bought drugs off him
then we get a montage of their crazy lives b4 they met Charlie
now they work for him and have flashy effects shot the title
then drew Barrymore is on a boat with tom green who she dated back then cuz she's nuts. (but freddy got fingered was gold)
then cam his a disxco scene but its a dream
she wakes up and dances while wiggling her a55
they lui has a scrip reading scene with joey from friends
joey sez she waxes peoples crotches but knows a lot
they go to chars place and liu has issues with her working with joey as a cover job
bill murry comforts her and gives advice
then char radios em and tells em their mission
this guy knox was kidnapped and his partner ms wood (which sounds like a p0rn0 name) is hiring em to find him
they investigate tim curry who gets massages at the same place
so they gotta infiltrate
then tim curry is stepped on by liu and she hits a pressure point or w/e to k o him
this is a weird fetish movie
they copy his key and stuff and data or w/e and go out for burgers in a Ferrari mustang
they find this guy called the thin man ( t m) in the reflection of a window in the security footage
that's batman levels possible
like in the dark knight where he rebuilt a bullet and got a thumbprint off it
at night they get communication devices in their teeth and go into a party
billy murr too
blly mur chats with tim and tim sez they are in a shinto temple he shipped over
is that cultural appropriation?
cam chats with a guy working there and hes gay for her
billy gets in a sumo matxch and his tooth com busts or w/e and the girls follo t m
he gets away in a hidden door and they chase
btw I read t m don't talk in here cuz the actor hated his lines
like Christopher lee in Dracula
so they kung fu fight and hes got a sword cane
its like goofier power rangers
they beat him and save knox
but they still need to get back the stolen tech
it ca track someones voice perfectly and use any cellphone to locate anyone
even though voice activated thigs s-ck 20 years later!
and they'd need a sample of their voice in the 1st place
and of cource theres people from the 90s who don't have cellphones like me
so the girls go to the race car place and tim curry is there
so does billy M
man we're only half an hour in
so drew seduces the tim curry driver with a lot cut outfit and no bra as liu plants something in tim curryz trunk
then cam sees t m on the race car and has a car face with him
they go on the streets and on a bridge and he falls his car in the water
btw thin man was played by crispin glover who was George McFly in back to the future 01 and some dink in Friday the 13th 4 (the final chapter )
so using the camera planted on tom currys brief case they map out the company item
it has demented security that's out of a james bond parody
note; I never saw a james bond film
so later the girls do belly dancing and lui plays a blonde
cultural appropriation?
they take a beer bottle and get his fingerprints
they play skimpy dressed yodelers and billy M uses a tuba retnal scanner to get his eyes
at least it wasn't like in demolition man how they took out his eye
they go in the company and gross a55 Melissa mctcarthy bugs em
liu is dressed like a SM whip girl and the other 2 are crossdressing as guys
genderal appropriation??
liu educes em with toughness as these nerdy tech guys like strong women whipping em
using the eye scan and fingerprints they lifted they use a glove and contacts to get in
drew wears a white suit to sneak by and does flips like in power rangers to avoid being on the floor for more than 0.25 seconds
yeah, that works
she gets the thing from da sealed area and get out
ms wood wants to see the data the girls got from the break in but isn't allowed as they are only checking for stolen tech
later drew spends a night with knox and I think they b0ne
also cam is out with waiter and liu is with joey
so the stolen tech is not found in the stuff they stole from and ms wood comes over and ries to b0ne bill murrey
and cam wiggles her a55 to baby got back at a club
and at lius date, liu gets capped after joey asks her to marry him
but its a scene in a movie they filming
later liu wants to come out about her secret identity to joey
this man slices out tim curry
lius trailer is shredded with gunfire
a hitman jumps cam but she takes him doqwn and he sez ms wood sent him
liu hid in the ceiling of her trailer
cam calls drew and tells em wood send hitmen and to warn knox
but wood is there and pulls a gun on her
also knox takes off his coat and has muscles under it
he's the bad guy and reveals tim curry was not involved
also the kidnapping was fake and hes after char
he caps her and she falls out da window
then its revealed she matrix dodged it and jumped as the bullet went by her
that's not f--king possible!!
she falls off naked but we don't see anything and lands in a kids backyard and this kid and his black friend play final fantasy 008 and talk about seeing b00bz
she knox on their window wearing a well places pool toy
btw ff8 is a 1 player game and both kids appear to be playing
then they shows up in a stone cold steve austin shirt (hes a candy a55 compared to holly wood hulk Hogan) to the other girls and they go back to their base
it blows
but billy murryr is with knox
they somehow figure out the bad guys broke in to tim currys place to get access to his sattilites
and drew remembers when knox told him about his dad, how the name of the guy's shirt in the photo of em who he said killed him had charlies name on it
also the face is cut out as they cant show his face like in home improvement or power puff gurls
yeah that's believable
although when batman does it, its cool
btw in all these movies based on tv shows they blow the heores base or vehicle or w/e
billy mruruu uses the tooth communicator that he swallowed and is still in his head to connect to the girls and cam figures out where he is by the tweeting of a bird in his cell that only lives 1 place
and on the way there they find it by figuring out its name is an anagram of eric knox
tom green takes em to the place and bill murruy plays Miami vice (which I never saw and only know as the captions say "Miami vice theme plays) which is weird as that's like a crossover of 2 shows
so thin man gets the satilite and voice tech on and the girls go to the island and take off their wetsuits they scuba'd in
they sneak in like a bad playstation 1 game and drew is held at gunpoint by wood in front of knox
she gets tied up and whipped with fat pigs drooling on her and eating slop off her big sweaty feet
jk she's just tied to a chair
liu hacks into the system and cam gets to billy but her waiter bf calls
she gets ambushed but she beats em up
at 9 am char calls and knox talx to him to get a trace on his voice
thin man fights liu and wood fights cam
knox gets a lock on Charlie and the fights bust out of the building to the outside
knox goes off to ice char and drew gets her feet free and beats the minions up with her hands tied
this man has a fetish for pulling off chicks hair and smelling it
drew sneak attacks thin man and wood with a chain and knox hits his base with a missile and blows it to h-ll
the girls survive this as they were jumping
then bill murrey (b m ) comes in on a jeep and they drive after Knox's chopper
b m never saw char
da chix use a hookshot to get on the chopper and climb on it
drew fights knox in the chopper and liu tampers with the missiile to make it return
da girls jump out in slo mo and the chopper blows
da chix go 2 c char but all they find is a cigar
he sez hi over an intercom
char sez Knox's dad was a double agent who was iced by the other side in nam
also its implied char is watching them from that beach and only drew sees him
cam; how can we know you really exist if you don't come down and have a coconut with us?
me; man that's bad writing
they then splash in the beach in light outfits
then credits to all the small things by blink 182 with bloopers
john Houlihan?
like hot lips from m*a*s*h*??
holy cr-p rob bottin did the effects for this
he did the thing and Robocop and total recall
steven hunter flick?
the L and I look like a U together
the end
that was entertaining
its dumb and silly and over the top
but its a fun ride
its not trying to change lives, but just be a cool experience
I liked it
its like watching monster rancher or thundercats(the good ones from the 80s and 2011)
for charlies angel's 2 I want one of the girls to discover Charlie lied about Knox's dad being iced by the bad guys and really Charlie iced him because he was the double agent working for the reds and Knox's dad found out. Charlie finds out and sends the other 2 girls after her but they don't want to. so he uses bone implants he put in them to shock them until they comply. also the girl who found out had her bone implant removed so she could escape as its also a tracking device and she has to find a way to take out Charlie to free her friends. its also an 8 bit nes, Gameboy, game gear and sega master system game where you play as thet girl (all 3 are selectable but the other 2 are against you) and gotta go through levels with 8 bit kung fu and items. also the bone implants work as electronic roids and the other 2 girls blimp up huge and buff from  the implants sending signals to their bodies to make roids.

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