Friday, March 29, 2019

Australia Review

note; Australia is like the mexico of England. so I spell accordingly
this is my review on Australia from 2008
its directed by bazz luhrman who did the cr-ppy Romeo + juliette and mo ul in rouge and the cr-ppy great gatzby
its got hugh Jackman from x men and Nicole kidman from that ghost movie
personally, i'm not fond of the country Australia
they have cr-ppy internet, censor films and ban multiple series for minor things
I hear p0rn0 is illegal there
not just with kids or animals or corpses
but normal stuff
although I find p0rn0 gross
at least its not as bad as new Zealand
they banned 90s power rangers for being too violent
can they watch care bears?
cuz no heart was pretty scary to me when I was like 6
so it starts with a warning about aboriginal austrailians watching this
then text I cant really read as most of the screen is black bars
I gather its when japan attacked austrailia in ww2 and kids were taken away to liv with other familuies cuz of their race
then this kid sez he's mixed acnsetry and he is told to like king George of soviet England
some white guys get murdered and this native kid steals their horse to ride across the mad max wasteland
he goes home and fears white cops takimg him away and making him white
they'll give him vitiligo?
but its not cops, its cowboys
then title and cut to soviet England and kidman is gotta go sell cows in sovuiet austrialia
but its the distant future year of 1939 and japan is gonna kick some a55
then Jackman fights guys who don't like him having black friends
so this guy called carny owns the beef industry and much land
and the brits don't like his good business work as it makes England subservient to him
esp with ww2 happening
should've sided with zee kaizer
so kidman goes to a bar but they say no women
jackmans fight knockes over her luggage and her undies ge everywhere
hugh Jackman's teeth are too good for an Australian from the 1800s
so Jackman and kidman go on a trip across the wastelands
gotta get dat tanker of petrol
and kidmans husband hired Jackman to drive the cattle across
kidman and jakcman get along like Momoko and yosuke in wedding peach
so I assume they'll fall in love
kidman is enamored by kangarooz and Jackman's homie caps one
don't they got footlong centipedes in there?
maybe that's brazil or viet nam
at night theres only 1 tent and 3 men with her
but they are gonna go by the fire
this is how p0rn0es start
this is a lot like crocodile Dundee
blonde civilized chick and cool austrailain dude
later they pick up a drunk
wtf multiple people run at the same speed as their truck
freekin cr-pmobile cant drive 55
then Jackman talks about breeding but its in oz slang so she things he means him b0ning her
they bicker and Jackman gets srs as they stop the car and nearly hit a big black horse
its KEN OH from Hokuto no ken!!
he gets out and the native kid narrator is there
she goes in the house and sees a dead guy
I think its her husband
wtf the guys name is Ashley
freekin gone with the wind
after the service for him 1 guy sez the land has a strange power
like the Bermuda triangle?
sounds like we otta nuke it
native boy sez the land healed and needs to be made to sing
is this like pet semetary?
the ground is sour!
at night the boy sneaks into her room and sez he made himself invisible
is this like that ghost movie kidman was in?
man we're 25 mins in
140 + adds to go
he sez something about where ashlery was iced but his mom comes in fearing kidman will take her kid cuz she's white
that's racist
the next day boys gonna show her something but runs when jakcman comes by
she asks if the cows cross the river but jakcman sez that's carny property and they don't do that
but she outs the boy as the one who told her they do
Jackman sez hes full of sh-t and that the windmill don't work
so boy turns on the mill
a cowboy tries to take the boy but kid man defends him and fires jakcman
she fires fletcher
I don't know who that is
he wants to take her land and blocking the fuel pump
also drunk wants to help her get her cattle to the army to sell and break carneys monopoly
she needs help and Jackman comes back
oh and b4  it was fletcher not Jackman who the kid said lied
but fletcher let the cows out
jakcmans p-ssed as she might've cost him his pay he needed to make it to the next season
looks like he's gonna be b0ning men for cash
oh and flethechr is working for canry
and taking cattle from them
so jakcman needs more men and gets native head shaved women
he slaps together a rag tag multiethnic team of whoever he's got and they go on the drive
its like power rangers
but the cops come and boy hides in a water tower like in they made me a criminal
but water flows into it and they fight to survive
I think king George is the name of a waste land warrior
cop sez the fletcher said theyres a mixed race kid there and he wants to put him into care
but she sez "i'll keep a watch"
so cops leave and the boys mom bites it from water
why not just swim?
so in their culture bites it ur not supposed to say their name anymore
kidman comforts boy by telling him of the wizard of oz
she tries singing over the rainbow but s-cked at it
so they go off on a cow drive and Jackman gives advice
 so ww2 is happening but not in pearl harbor when ben affleck j-rked off on history
carny wants the gov contract but has to wait a few days
at night boy sez king George is his grandpa and taught him native magic
kidman wants boy to sleep but Jackman trusts boy to pull his weight and give him a night shift
then a guy throws a torch at the ground and the whole thing burns up
freekin fire hazard cr-p a55 country
the cgi cows run and then its daytime
were they doing this all night??
the cows nearly un off a cliff but they use fire to guide em
drunk gets run over like Mufasa in the lion king but cooler
boy is eventually gonna get run over at the edge of the cliff but something redirects da cows and jack/kid man save him
then drunk bites it
and alcoholics don't go to heaven so hes burnin with queen Elizabeth
later Jackman tells kidman that fletcher fakes king geoege icing Ashley
but it cant b proved
and fletherxs is after em
later its night and Jackman sez his woman bit it cuz the hospitals wouldn't treat blax
and kidman has no womb
 next day I think they need to find water and its across the desert
but king George comes by and uses song to get them water
what is this? Robotech?
he's no Minmei!
maybe yellow dancer
so days later they think kidman bit t
and the gov is gonna sign the contrax to carny
but the kidman and homies come in with cows
she offers 20% less than carny
but the contrax r signed
but aint in effect until the cows r loaded
so they fight to load em or not
much slo mo
Jackman drives cows up da warf and gets em loaded 1st
later theres gonna be a dance and Jackman don't feel like going as to those guys, hes as hated by them as blacks
man they say America is bad
but here..
so kidman wants to adopt the boy
but 1 guy tries using science to say the natives are inferior
kidman don't like this and tells him off
they';res also an auction and carney comes by
also carny offers her a deal and she accepts
I think
i'm talking to some guy and trying to get him into Robotech
he likes the Invid mech
so kod/junkman fall in love and marry
they watch wizsrd of oz and it rains
then they b0ne
they live with boy for years happy
fletcher knocks out carny and throws him to the crocks and takes his company ad marrys his daughter
man he's like starscream
so later fletcher comes by the place kidman owns and wants to buy it
he thinks cuz his fam worked for her he deserves the property
so if I work as a grease monkey at mcdonalds I deserve to own the restaurant?
he also implies hes gonna ice someone like how he iced Ashley
and hes got the cops on his side
she says to her workers not to tell Jackman
also this is a lot like the movies duel in the sun, giant, and gone with the wind
only not confederate
later kidman takes a bath but we don't see her pointy jet black nips and Jackman wants boy to go through his peoples ritual
so its a koala bar mitzvah?
but kidma don't want him to cuz she's overprotective like most mothers
later boy left for his ritual and kidman goes mental
Jackman has work to go to but she b--ches at him saying "if u don't stay, i'd prefer it it u didn't return"
what a b--ch
meanwhile boy's dog gets capped, boy is caught, king George is arrested and its all cuz of fletcher
then the Japanese attack pearl harbor as f d r wanted to get America in the war to help his commie homie stalin
and Australia is going mental over fearing japan
not all Japanese in ww2 were trying to take over
that's racist
so kidman has an episode trying to save the boy from being taken away
and no one there cares
maybe its good japan nukes em
so boy is taken to a camp or farm or w/e and Jackman wants to do something
I think his homie was his brother in law
later japan attack a camp with the kids
then the other parts of ausntioa
then its night and the city burns like gone with the wind
Jackman heads the kid area got attacks and austiana left em to bite it
at least they were out of the womb for a few years
also he goes off to help em I think
but finds the boy alive and well
then leads the freed kids to escape
also his homie has to sacrifice himself to save the virgin children from Japanese soldiers
they cap him a few times and execute him when he's down
like with megatron and ironhide in the transformers movie
also flethcers woman bit it
also kidman is alive and thinks the others bit it
boy senses his grandpas spirit and plays over the rainbow on his harmonica and it draws kidman
they reunite and its good
he calls her mrs boss like hes a slave or something
and Jackman is there too
and so is fletcher
I think
also is ivan
who the h-ll is ivan?!
according to wikepisa hes a shopkeep
so they are gonna take the kids to her plantation or w/e
but turns out fletcher is there and is gonna cap someone
oh its the boy hes trying to j fk
but grandpa king George sends him to H E Double England with a spear throw
I was kinda expecting a final battle with him like with noah vs cain's descendant on the arc in the Darren arrenoffsky noah
also, grandpa is still alive?!
so they go home and he goes to live in the wild with grandpa
sorta like dragon ball gt how pan goes to live in space with goku and trunks
he also takes off his clothes and shows but keeps his pants
is he wearing undies?
then text saying austrailian gov ended its racial policy in the 70s and in 2002 they said sorry
the end
that was pretty good
I like historical films
stuff based on true storys
films with little or so bad its good cgi
and this was a pretty good one
its the 3rd highest grossing asustaila film after crocodile Dundee 1 and mad max fury road
this was sort of an epic and western like those john ford films I liked
this was pretty good
and it wasn't too dark or depressing like baz luhrmanns other films
it had a sort of happy ending
they could probably put this on the history channel
better than boogie nights
for Australia 2 I wand it to be the 50s and the boy is now a teen and he's friends with this dinosaur that people are trying to hunt to prove its existance. so he rides it and they try to get to safe lands. but theres scientists trying to kill it to stop evolution from being disproven. its also a 16 bit sega genesis, super Nintendo, Atari jaguar and turbografx16 where you go through the levels on him and fight or escape the scientists after him with flamethrowers and acid guns.

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