Monday, November 22, 2021

The Wicked Darling Review

 Note: I spell rediscovered

The Wicked Darling

This is my review on the wicked darling from the distant future year of 1919 (to the 1800s guys)

Its directed by Tod Browniung whos an 1800s Tim Burton and directed The Unholy 3, The Unknown, West of Zanzibar, the 31 Dracula, Freaks and The Devil Doll

It stars Lon Chaney 01, Spottiswoode Aitken from Intolerance and The Birth Of A Nation (Good Version), Gertrude Astor from The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance, Martha Mattox from Torrent, and a buncha 1800s dudes I never saw in anything else

It was thought to be a lost film but they found a copy and restored it

I never saw this b4 but I like Todfd Brownings and Lon Chaney is always good, so Immas do it

So no title but we get text saying its a city with bad sh-t doing well

1 barkeep sends a guy out and nearly kicks his candyu a55

theres a drunk sdtumbling around who finds a flower but is to f'd to wear it so he throwews it in the filth

the flower represents this chick who is called the gutter rose but her real name is john estes i mean mary stevens

she sees a guy comming from a soft drink stand as we had laws against booze back then, but now people kill themselves with deadly drinks

stoop is a pick pocket plays by lon chaney and bickers with maryto try to get her to do stuff for him

nowadays he'd be a p-mp to use her b0ning for money

a cop comes by and Lon runs off but she swipes hius button while ppolishing his badge

meanwhile; adele hyot(uh day lay) is played by mary i mean gertrude astor's bf losrt hisd money a decade b4 the market crash and shes dumping him

what a 5kank

once the gov invents aids i hope she gets it

so bf is gooing home in a taxi and latyer adele and some rich c-ck sickers come out of the party house

she drops her pearls and lon and mary are planning toi get em

adele notices it aand mary grabs it and runs

lonm sez hes going after her and runs

mary sees bf's door is open aND he's paying the taxy so she goes in his place

the chasers ask where she wenmt and he didnt see sh-t and they return

bf goes in sand gets some dough and sees an item in the money and throws it in the fire

he senses somethuing and finds her behind the couch

she sees he threw her high heel in the fire and talks f--kin cockney

she is under evolved!

hes gonna vcall the cops but she stops him

adele remembers what the necklace stealer was wearing and calls it in

bf is low on dough and is gonna sell his home

the pawn shop guy whos marys godfather is playing cards with himself and latyterlon comes by some place with mary i think, but it could be someone else

lon sees pawn shop guy who's not on pawn stars, hard core pawn, interracial pawn, necro pawn, quadruple amputee pawn, eye less pawn or interspecies pawn and gives his this cigar thing saying he got it wit the hoyt pearls

pawno asks about mary and he grins and goes with him

lawn chairy is pretty good at being evil, kinda likeT R Edwards in Robotech II The Sentinels or Megatron, But kinda like Boris KArloff in that grave robber film the body snatcher or w/e

you klnow hes bad but hes deliciously bad

like faegan in oliver, wgich he also played in the 20s ver

At bf's place, his goodness rubs off on mary and she sees adele was his fuiture wife until she ditched his a55

the clock turns and she goes out but fingers with the door lock and sneaks back in later to jack adeles photographe

she cxomes back to the place the crooks hang out and lon talks with her about the cr-p she stole but she wont gie it up

she gets up and she stands up to him and slaps him but when hes gonna counter punch; the barkeep grabs and twists lons arm

she goes out and sez shes done with their sh-t but paweno i think grabs her and she fights him off and runs

lon chases after but loses her and later she goes back to meet bf as mary, not gutter rose and as an honest worker

remember in captain planet how wheelers new york homie trish was a punk called trash?

who names themself trash?!

i mean theres aids in violence jack

but still, TRASH!?

when the cannibals gewt her; thety'll be eating trash!

so mary works at a restaurant king and serves bf and they go off after work

he sez he thoughtr she was a theif and he hates theifes

although what is murder but the theft of life?

what is moi lesting but the theft of butt virginity?

so she lives in a small apartment and worries avbout bf hating theives

later bfs been calling for her but she's been evading him

lon finds her andconfronts her andbf comes by and roughs his a55 up

look up! he's the armless strangler!

they walk off and lon fires a round at him and books it

being from the 1800s like teddy roosevelt; he walks off a bullet and goes home

ahh it got him in the hand and theres blood comming fromm it

dont see that often in pre 70s movies

a cop asks who capped him and he dont know

this huge chick sez bf aint paid his rent in weeks and she dont know what to do and the dr treats his arm hole

maryu comes back to pawno and offers him some sh-t and hes happy

the huge cghicks husband sez pay rent or gtfo and as chick goes by bar: lon sees anbd had a drink

necro pawno tells lon and 1 guy follows mary to bfs place where she pays his rent and sez not to say where it came from

the follower tells lawnn and pawno andthey think shes got a source of bucks

later bf is recovering and mary comes by and brings food


wait; i think thats marys place and hes going threough her sh-t

bf likes mary and she comes home as lon gets out andshe sees her place is f'd and da window is open

she notices her flowwre pot was busteds and finds her pearls are safe in it as lon dropped it as she came in

she sees if she returns em, it'll drive bf away but she goes to his place

lon goes to bfs place with his hand in his coat like a gun and wants the pearls maryu gave him

he don't know whats going on and as mary comes in; lon comes out the window

how did lon get in? are there any locks or keys?!

mary comes in admitting she took the poearls and he's shocvked

i think parts of the film are missing as it cuts to lon telling bf he will get the pearls even if it beins violence and then fighting bf

mary gets the gun and  bfd slugs out lon and gets the gun

bf dont trust maru and thje cops come up as the neigbors heard the fight

lon attacksand gets the gun and runs out and the cops come in

i guess he didnt get the gun as she has it and bf sez its not hers

so she goees back to the filth and works with lon and picks the necjklaace from pawnos pocket

so lon gets mad at her and goes off and bf gets a letter frimn adele saying the pearls were returned by a girl and shes giving them to her

a guy reports that mary is at the docks and the lon goes to her

he tells her a guys gonna get iced and oh its pawno

bf goes to the restaurant but hears mary is in the slums where he sent her

mary goes to see pawno and he looks exaggerated over the top and shes gonna escape but lon gets her

lon wants the pearls and is gonna f up her hands as pawno has some kkind of autism and finds his pocket is empty

bf hears mary lives in a room above the pawn shop like yugi living in a room above the game shop

lon strangles her for a while but bf comes by and pawno creppily talks to her

he's so animated, like a hannah barbera cartoon

spottswoode pawno sez shes out but he sees her silhouette being strangled in the glass door and busts in

he fight the lon and mary stands around not doing anything, until lon starts winning and slaps on him

lon shoves her a55 away and bf brats on him more

another guy comes in and mary escapes and gets barkeep

lon and other guy hold bf and pawno is gonna cut up open and barkeep comes in loking like the guy from analyze this meets adam sandler

they let him go and maru and bf reconsile

then text saying love lifted the rose out of the gutter to bloom and then we see em on a farm as a couple and barkeep is a farm hand drinking milk as its got iron, calcium, protein and won't f up your nerves and brain and liver and tract and mouth and jaw and teeth and other sh-t booze do

the end

that was nice

its a well doner story

holds your attention

lon chaney is deliciously evil

the bf is a nice guy

the chick is well polayed and holds up

this was todd brownings 1st film with lon chanel and they made nearly a dozen in total

good start to an iconic pair

although usually lon sacrifices himself to save the girl he likes so norman kerry or ricardo cortez can have her

but that started with the penalty in 1920

Priscilla Dean was a big star in the 10s but no one cares of her now

and Spottiswoode Aitken is really nuts in here

like the rocky horror picture show or something

he's good but really over the top

for the wicked darling 2 i want them to be on the farm and feral hogs are coming into the area and destroyiong their farm, so they gotta fight em off with guns, but the guns are not enough, so they gotta set trapds, but the pigs outsmart them, so they go to the city for a few tommy funs to shred em. also its a 16 bit tower defence game on sega genesis, snes, tg16, atari jaguar and gba where you place traps and set up snipers to hold off the pigs uintil the chick comers back with the supply of tommy guns to shred the pigs.

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