Tuesday, September 17, 2019

Hulk Review

note; i dont spell like im angryu. unless that means bad
this is my review on hulk from 2003
its directed by ang lee (ang ry? ) and stars erich banna, nick nolte and sam elliot (wasnt he in ghost rider?) and jennifer collenly
ive seen it b4 and liked it
its bright and colorful and sunny] and has a good late 90s early 00s look
but everyone hates it
it starts with a long thing of sceince and dna and nerd cr-p abd experimenting on sea animals
ooh,. music by danny elf man
so this nerd tests his starfish magic science on monkeys and lizards to make it evolve or w/e the invid did in robotech ii the sentinels
so nerd sez he can boost da immune system but army guy tells him no human testing
then his wife poops out a baby and he grows
byw its the 60s like the sceintists in dexter lab season finale with the axe monster in japan
also he expetriments on his son
i think he tests him and finds his senicne he f'd him self with affected him
also the kid wont fight back when kids beat him with sticks
so army guy fibnds human blood sapmles in nerds lab and takes him off the project
so nerd trys to nuke da base
then he fights with his woman and kid wakes up as a teen and his new mom comforts him
later he goes to college and they make him hate his race, gender, species and orientation
oh f hes at berkley
they hate free speech therre
also stan lee and lou ferrigno are security guards
if someone messes with em, lpu beats em up and stan retcons em
also kid teen is bruce and is a nerd a55
and jennifer collenly is betty who just dumped his candy a55
they're both nerds!!
oh and they gotta make a success or they get f'd in funding
like pretty much every other science thing
look at ghost busters!
they test nenomeds on a frog and microwave it with gamma
it heals its wound and the frog blows
thats awesome
nowadays threy'd censor animals being ,microwaved
ok this movie is good now
also bruce wants to know about his rents and thinks they're in h-ll
just like batman, superman, spiderman, wolverine, robin, ect
i think cyclops's dad is alive in space or something but i only saw it in the 90s cartoon
also betty has a c-ck sucker guy into her with a lot of pull
he offers her a good paying job but she turns himm doewn cuz hes a c-ck sucker
also berrts dad is a general and the old janitor bit it so theres a new guy
broos remembers time with betty and she tells him her 1st memory where her dad was army guy from b4 and army guy goes out as a nuke goes off
also its a dream and bruce is there and kills her or w/e
but its adult bruce
is this trying to be total recall where the ending is told?
on his way ouut, bruce sees a dog that nearly bites him
hammer it!
remember; dogs dont understand words. they understand fists!
holy cr-p we're like a half hour in
its 3 hours with adds but dont feel like it
so after bruis has vague flashbacks and wakes up, he sees a guy with dogs outside
but when he dont look at em for a sec, they gone
this is how horror movies start
too bad california dont support the rugfht to bear arms
he comes at you, you can cap him
in normal states anyway
next dae c-ck sicker dont get along with bruce as he wants to use it to make his private soldiers regenerate instsntly
i like dat stare erich banna does
also thers a lot of multi=panel sjots where it shows like 3 screnns filmed in 1 frame
its good and i think adds depth
so then a guy is stuck in the gamma room and bruse takes the gamma hit and turns into a weird vhs effect
the nanomeds fiully heal bruce and improve him to better
betty is p-ssed he nearly got iced and bruce is joking about nearly blowing apart like chef boy ar dee
att night he has weord a55 dreams like a david lynch movie and wakes up with janitor nick nolte saying bruces real name is banner
also jinitor is his dad
is he gonna need oil to stop having seizures?
someone mash this movie into lorenzo's oil 2 where his experiments turn him into purple hulk
nick nolte tells him to watch out for betty and he tells him to gtfo
so betty meets with dad and warns her about bruce
huh, c-ck sucker was in breakthrough, the 2019 true story about that kid who died in ice water but revived
amd wing commander III
so its night again and bruce is getting p-ssed for some reason, having viet nam flash backs, and gets a message from betty
he hulks out, f's the place, and chucks the gamma thing out
nick nolte is in the closet probably j-rkin off to it and comes out to meet da hulk
good use of shadowsto cover the hulk to not spoil it
even though the trailoer showed everything
nick nolte has a moment with bruce and he has another flashback aand jumps out
next day (how many days is this set over?) betty finds bruise in bed and briuse sez he had a vivod drram
hope he dont cheet on her with rick jones, then splatter a guy for nearly running into him while jaywaking
wrong ang lee film
so he tells betty: janitor... IS the father!
audiance Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!! dats a man maury! dats a man!!
her dad comes in and tells her to stay away from bruce
is this romeo and juliette?
nah. its actually good!!
she goes to see nick nolte and he dont think she accepts bruce for who he is
nick nolte comes on to her and suddenly stands up aand asks her to go
ohhhhh, he's gonna start j-rkin off!!
also bettys dad grills bruce over nick nolte and bruce dont know what hes talking about
also bettys dad lockred up bruces dad and will do the same to byice if he gets close to betty
and he had the lab made top secret and wont let bruise near it
then its night again andnick nolite sends his dogs after betty
so nick calls bruhe and tells him he experimented on imself and it carried to bruce and wants to use it
but bruce wants to cure it
but nick nolte sez he sent dogs infected with bices dna after betty
then c-ck sucker comes in and beats up bruce for seeing bettys dad behind his back (that sounds brokeback mountain)
bruck hlks out and stars b0ning him with his big greed d0ng!!
nah he chcks him out the building (wghich sghould kill him) and takes out the guards b4 jumping away
so hulk bruce meets betty and they calm in a silent mpvie like moment of reflection
but then the hulk dogs come and bruce fights emm for a while
main hero characters intentionally beats up dogs
cant have that in movies nowadays
dogs are higher status than people
look at all those idiots who run into burning buildings for their peaniutty buddys
btw this fight is with mile high trees in the forests of soviet california
after he beats the dogs dead he looks in the water and turns back
also hes naked and she sees his parts (but we dont)
hope he's not circimsized
although it would probably grow back now
so da nexte daye betty sez the anger and mental damage triggers the nanomeds
that dont make sense!!
mnenomeds head destroyed cells
theeres no cell damage in emotioms!!
its like saying a band aid can fix someone's name calling
alsio bruce likes being da hulk
so then the army comws in and tranq's his a55 and takes him to a base
i like the bright colors in here
its not all gray and dead like later 00s and modern movies
so bettys dad wants him sedated forever as if he goes mental he might kiill everyone
also he dont trust bruce as he fears hes like nick noldte dad
i like this
its like robotech
the army isnt the bad guy, but they do things bad for the heroes, but for understandable reasons
see? this film is pretty good
meanwhile, nick nolte gets da gamma machine and sucks nanomeds and cooks himself into a vhs effect
he cuts his hand and da bloo-d is weird like rubber
hes luffy from one piece!!
also he can meld with things like in devilman
a guard comes in and nolte fuses with the floor grate to lit him up, and a machine on his hand to squash him
if this were R ratecc we'd see his guts splatter like chef boy ar dee
so bettey and brusiuce go agroud the base as i guuess bettys dad gave up on keeping him under and they go to bruces childhoode home on da base
he starts freakin out over a room there and dontvwant betty to see
later betty her and dad are taken off the job and c-ck sucket gets to take over somehow
later, c-ck sucker wants to turn bruse hulk so he can cut off a hunk of him and experiment on it
so he cattleprods him and beats him out
bruce wont turn so he hooks him up to a machine to get him to not be conscioous enuf to resist the big green d0ng
so betty comes back home and sees nick nolte j-rkin off on the floor
he actually tells her if her dad lets him see his son bruse again he'd turn himself in
she sez she dont have authority and he tells her the story of how he wanted to ie bruce as a kid or cure him
thats pretty f'd
when bettys dad tookm him off th thing he tried to chop up bruce
mom tried to stop him and they fell and he shanked her
yet he didnt ice bruce when he had the chance
also; is this a pro-life movie?
nick nolte trying to kill his kid over genetic issues?
showing how bad it is?
also it iced the mom after it went wrong.
so bruce hulks out in his sleep and they spray him with white gooey expanding foam
c-ck sucker tries to drill bruce for dna but he hulks ooutta the foam
so he uses a grenade launcher but it bounced off and blew him apart
its done in a cool comic book pabel style that was good in da 90s
so bettys dad lets hulk go outside to fight him as their soldiers did diddley d0ng to him in da base
hilk jumps back home but army blows it so he leaps a few miles away
oh its day again
after taking out some tanks in daylight (which isnt as common for movies nowadays) he leaps for a few miles
bettys dad tells da prez he f'd up and he has to get da whip
bettys dad goes after him with choppers and hulk runs around like sonic the hedgehog and takes em out
he goes into a tall rocks thing and they blow em til it berrys him and they leacve
but hulk can survive thor and he gets out and goes to soviet california
bust the san andreas fault and sink it back to h-ll
that'll show em for banning straws while decriminalizing aids spreading
hulk jumps a jet and jet goes a bit to space to black out hulk
but pilot cant take it  and pulls off and hlk falls to da urth while having a vision of hm a bruce being grabbed by hulk and hulk falls into da water
i think in da comics hulk can breathe underwater
but in the genesis game he dies if he steps in it
seeing anger only makes hulk stronger, bettys dad lets betty try to calm him back
sorta like in hokuto no ken how toki says; violent water fights violent water and both destroy each other. but calm water envelpos violent water and absorbs it.
so after he shrinks like 800lbs like those blobs on the learning channel, they take him in and its night again
butw what kinda waistband does his pants have?!
its still fitting after losing all that weight
also; hows his heft change?
does he turn gamma energy into matter?
also also; its like soundwave or megatron in transfromers g1 with the size change
so they strap him to an electric chair and are gonna cook him if he does anything
]yet leave him alive for some reason
oh its cuz they wanted nick nolte to come in
they both say each should have iced the other and bruse recalls his real mom
bruce is sad over his f'd up life and nick nolte hugs him
he dont like ebing touched and tells nick off but nick sez da hulk is his real son
nick sez he found a cure as his cells can eat energy but its unstable and he needs bruces power
also he trys to turn bruce mad and bashes humanitya nd rules and sh-t
after all tries failed to make bruce hulk out, mick nolte bitees a power cable and berrtys dad turns on the death ray
but nick nolte eats the energy and becomes a big lightening storm monster
wtf this is awesome
bruke hulks out anndnick fuses with rocks to beocme a golem like in shining force and when hilk grabs him, he sucks ki outta hulk
hulk throes him in da lake and he becomes water
this is like a weird video game
we need fire next
they fight and nick sez da more hulk fights the more nick takes
they absorm the energy and the lake cools and hulk sez "take it all" and releases his ki nor w/e and nick nolte winds up like tetsuo in akira or w/e and turns into a huge water balloon
then bettys dad nukes em
wtf is going on?!
bruce has good memories of nick nolte and is in da water in his trunks
then its a year later and i guess no one checked  on the nuke site and bettys dad sex bruce bit it in da blast
but he sez, if he did survive, she should tell him if he contacts her
she sez she wont but he'd know as she's spyed on by big gov
she misses him and sez she loved him
meanwhile, in south america, bruse is treeating people in the junlge and some malcontents come by as i sguess south america is mad max, and jack their sh-t for helping their enemies
bruce sez; ur making me angry, u wont liek me when im angry, in mexican and it zooms out of the big green jubgle as hulk roars
probably after b0ning that guy dead with his big green d0ng
then end
and credits like a comic book
also mucis like a green jelly maximum carnage thing
richard ducker? sounds like a p0rn0 name
bill tlusty?! another one!!
but i liked this
its got a good 00s look and feel
its got emotion but its not dreary or depressing
its got heart but not bummer feels
its got actual light and daylight scenes without everything being gray
its got color
good music and acting
its got animals being iced and dogs as the bad guys for once
yeah its a bit talky but it never drags and has good flow
i liked it and thought it was a cool entertaining film
for hulk 2 i want him to be fighting in south america and has to save a village of people captured by thugs and gangs and are gonna be sold as butt slaves. also they make drugs. so he has to sneak in without getting too much attention so the military dont come in and find out he's alive. also his dad is living in him as a parasite and gives him energy absorbing powers and can suck peoples souls out and turn them into zombie slaves for getting intel. also its a 32 bit gba game where you play as bruce and gotta take out soldiers while avoiding doing too much damage as hulk as theres a damage meter. also there's various missions you gotta do to free captured people and you have the choise to ice people or suck out their souls to get a zombie slave to use as a helper at any time or can fuse with too sneak around in disguise.

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