Thursday, October 29, 2020

Coraline Review

 Note: I spell stop motion


this is my review of coraline from the distant future year of 2009 (the year the sdf 1 rcrashed into macross island during the gloval civol war)

its directed by henry selick who did nightmare b4 xmas and other good cr-p

it stars dakota fanning, teri hatcher, keith david, and some dinks i never heard of

its  based on a novel by neil gaiiman who was on an episode of arthur and people say its pretty good

i saw it b4 and liked it

its only tvpg in america but was 13+ in aargentina, 12+ in the USSR, hungary and norway

candy a55 countries

except you hungary, we poles like your kind

so it starts with credots over metal wire hands making dolls with button eyes like that ep of the simpsons with lenny

so this fam moves in this home and this  blue haired girl looks for a well aND meets a blck cat

this biker drives to her and is just kind of a dink and chats with her and shows where the well is, underground

his grandma owns the place and dont rent to people with kids and as he leaves, tells her the rod she used for dowsing was poison oak

so later shes whining to her mom and she gives coraline a doll the dink gave her

she wants to garden but its raining and affter bugging her dad, goes to explore the 150 year old hoouuse (are there slave quarters??) and finds its kind of a dump

she finds a door under da wall paper and behins it is a brick wall

later she goes to bed but sees a rat, chases it, and finds the brick wall door leads to a tunnel andafter going through it, finds a weird land where her mom and dad have buttons for eyes and are interesting and fun

it seems good at 1st but she gets a bit weirded out and goes to bed in that world

so she wakes up and her poison oak rash is gone from the mud oher parents put on em annd she tells her real rents but they think its jest a dreem

later she fids mail to a soviet guy  at her place and brings it to hm (her neighbor)

he's a circus guywho looks like he should bee in beetleeuice and trains circus mice

he tells her the mice told him t say nnot to go throgh the door

hen she goes to another neighborwho's got dogs and a sister with huge t-ts

they were stars in th past and have stuffed dogs on theirr thing you put vhs tapes oon, oh booksheldf

1 reads her fortune in tea  and sez coralne is in danger

is this baby jane gx?

later shee meets the dink and cat andd sez he found the doll and has her takr photoes of him plsaying with a big a55 slug (lord slug???)

whendinks grandma was a kid, her sister vvanished

later that night, she goes back through the tunnel doore and outside its colorful and alive instead of gray and dead

sorta like corpse bride

other dad takes her on a garcen ride on a big a55 praying mantis and after dinner she sees this worlds version of the dink who cat talk

they ssee the soviet guy and his circus is real and puts on a cool show

so she goes to sleep in the other bed and wakes up in her real one and goes shopping for aa school uniform

shes disgruntled over tthe uniforms and having to live in the real world

so later she goes back in da hole and goes to see the neighbor chicks do a show

on the way there she tallks to the cat who dont have eye buttons and ca talk like its sailor moon

cat sez this world they are in isnt as good as it seems andas cats have higher senses, it notices things  humans cant

so at the showtheres countless dogs in da seats and tthese chicks wear littleand sing against each other

then out of their bodies ppops fit chickss who do flying grayson trapeeze and throw coraline around

fat chicks in skkimpy outfits?

was the director a fan of Eve from Don Bluth's Dragons Lair 2?

so after that, her other rents wann sew buttons on her eyes but she rebells and goes to her other bed and blockss da door and goes to sleepe

but when shes up, it dont work and she cant get out  of da house

she chats wth other dad who sez warnings about going against the other mother

she goes out and meets cat but the world rins out and she''s soon walking in empty space and returns to the house like zelda or winnie the pooh

cat wastes a circus mouse and it turns into some creature

she goes to try toe tunnel again but other mom is there and gets b--chy when coraline stands up to her and throws her in a dungeon where the souls of the other moms victims remain

they explain the other mom lures kids away and sews buttoons on their eyes and eats em or something

if coraline can fnd their eyes, ttheir souls will be free

then other dink gets her out and has his  mouth sewn into a grin like the jokr or the man who laughs

they get to the tinnel and closes the door ad coralline escapes to her realm

so dink shows up annd coraline realizes grandmas sister was one of the souls in there and the doll dink gave her was how the other mom spied on her and was stolen by dink or something

so after visiting the chicks, she wakes up ad finds her real rents were captured by the other mom

she burns the dolls and goes back into the tunnel and  cat tellls her to challenge other mom to a gamme

What is this? Yugioh?

in there other mom catches her and locs the door and taks the key and just goes off

thenn coraline challenges other mom to a  game of finding her realrents and if she wins, all the trapped go free, but if not, she becomes another slave

so after exploring andfacing evil versipns of her neighbots, she also uses an iem to see through illusions

she gets this pearl but finds other dink hanging from a pole and gets aother from evil soviet guy whosez shees better off here

hee falls apart into rats like in Bram Stokers Dracula and she fights em as the house crumbles

so she thinks she lost the game and the area dissolves so she runs back in da house with da cat

other mom haas her see through thing and throwa  it in da ghost fire

corlina bluffs and sez her rents are behind the tunnel door and sees themin a snowglobee

after opeing da door, corina thros the cat at other mom andthe  house  devolves into a spider web

oh and i think cat took out other moms eyes

they go up da web and corinlagets through the tunnel and with ghost kids help,, closes da door, snapping off her hand

corlinaescapes the tunnel andhas theitems representing the eyes

the her rents come by andthe snow globe they wre in is broke and they dont remember anything

later they are getting allong andgonna have a garrde party butin her room, cat comes backand she sez sorry for throwing him

she puts the eye things under her pillow and sleeps anndin her dreamthe kids say thete's only 1 key and other mom will find it

she wakes up and gets the key and faces the severed hand wiith dink and they throw it inthe bttomless well like Inuyasha

coralina tells ink his grand auunt was one of those she freed and the next daytheres a garden party andthe neighbors are getting along with da rents

the soviet guy sez the mice told him of her saving them annd dink brings grandma tomeet coraline

the end

that was pretty good

nice dark but semi colorful feel

good atmosphere

its like 100 mins but dont drag

its cool, has good animation and nice music

a bit of horror but nothing too much

good writing and acting

i liked it andits pretty cool

for coraline 2 i want her to be a teen and datingthe grandma's grandkid and the hannd they threw in the well has reformed a new  monster chick and takes oveer the state. So her and her neighbors team up to fight ttheir way through the area she's infected by spreading roots across the underground to get to the core and bust it. Its also a 16 bt run n gun game on snes, gba, sega genesis, atari aguar and tg16 where you play as up to 4 players and blast through weird abominations made by the monster chick.

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