Sunday, February 20, 2022

Manfish Review

 Note: I spewll like im a hybrid of man andfish


This is my review on Manish from 1956 (50 years b4 Transformers Season 3 in America)

Its based on the Edgar Allen Poe Syories The Gold Bug and The 120 Days of Sodom, I mean The TellTale Heart

Its directal by William Lee Wilder who did  The Snow Creature and this film waS CAlled calypso in some places

It stars John Bromfield from Rope of Sand, Lon Chany Jr from The Wolf Man, Victor Jory from A Midsummer Night's Dream and Gone with the Wind, Barbara Nichols from Ther Twilight Zone, and a buncha guys In never heard of

I never saw this b4 but my dad has a collection book of Poe and the ClaSSICS Illustrated Comic Book

so after 1 logo we get the title and credits over a guy scubadiving

then its a base in soviet jamacia aND an insdpector comes in and wants to extridite a guy but theres medical reasons not to

the army guy ztarts telling a story he sez will be strange but wondewrful like the carribean

then we see island life and a guy and his fam walking while singing and playing on guitar

army guy and a p-m- loking guy come by this guys plasce and p-mp sez he wants the money this ghuy owes him or hes taking his ship

don't give up the ship!

ower goes off and his men want payment and asks where this captain is at a bar

he finds the captain brannigan (zap brannigans ancestor?!) and  sez he needs captain to pay him and captain sez he will

so owner pays his men and they'll go out tomorrow aand then we see a chick singing in an islanf bar

captain lost a game or bet or something and sees a chick who's the professors woman (Like gilligans island??)

professor gets ANOTHER DRINK AND CAPTAIN HIS ON P WOMAN  but prpofessdor comes back and they fight but captain grabns his arm hard

army guy sez for professor to leave the island and p man sez he's gonna kill captain 1 day

also army guy tells p man to leave his woman at home like shes his bet

later its day and captain and owner are boating and he sends his men to scuba dive

To me, the ocean is frigfhtening

Its a boundless abyss of monsters and water pressure

They lose your body there.\, it aint coming back

might as well be in space

plus the sea daemons that are sighted around

So divers csatech a turtle and send it up but captain sees a shark and goes in to save hisd men

normally, shgarks dont like eating people, see sharkwater extinction for more

so da divers caugfht abnouther turtle to b0ne but ditch it and escaper and captain fights the shark with a trident and gets on da boat

cap[tain sends his men back down and tells off owener for stepping out of line and thery clash over owner OH OF--K THATS LON CHANY GX being in love with the boat

nowadays theres actual people who fall in love with itwems anbd go on The Learning Channel to normalize their deviasncy

like guys who b0ne cars

so da divers se a sleleton holding a bottlre thats holding its arm up even though theres no connective tissue and the divers coime up

captain goers in, gets da bottle and comes up and breaks it open to find a paper note ND a ring

so then its night and theres dancing biut not breakdancing aas this isnt the 80s yet and lon trys toi get the divers to stay working for him despite no pay by giving them bottles

lon meets captain and sez the ring is like the p mans ring and theres a french note on the paper no one can read

at leasat its not cansadian french, thats like tasslking like a homie

yoyoyo dizz awg, lemmy ax u diss, iz u ahh ite hizz omie? wiggle wiggle blicketee black!

And if I put that on a job application, they HAD to accept it or it would "violate" my "rights"

so captain goes top his room and talks with his woman and has her read the french note

the note s a riddle of a treasure and they make out for a sec but he goes to the bar with a chick singing of da carribean and has rum

spoiler; alcohal is dangerous like smoking or drinking or b0ninbg a lot of guys

then gets lon and goes to an island w//o the divers as lon is a savant whjo is a skilled pilot

is this like of mice and men?

captain askss where professor is and meetsdd i think p woman and proofessor shoves her into his house

captain asks where professor got his ring and sez he found 1 like it and has a note he wont show prosefsre

p man came from england 5 years ago and sez he found the ring in the coral; area and captain sez he better be telling da trooth

later captain goesa scubaing and p man is lurking around with an item

he goes under water with sas speart gun and goes after captain

he eventually fires but misses anbd swims away and captain chases

eventually they catch and spoastically fight for a while but com,e to the surcafe and fight more

had he brought a knife he cpould've shanked him

p wo man comes by and gives captain the other note but p man sez they can't find it w/o his help

so theyboat off onward and captain smokes as p man drinks and captauin canb;'t figute it out

p man sezthe note is from an oscure pirate who was a nerd and has math sh-t to make a code that you need both parts of the map to do

being the bad guiy; p man speaks frenchj and translates the note and its in a  poem code thing

p man sez the part saying walk backwards means you gotta read the map backwards and he'd tell him the rest when he'sd ready and even after finding the treasure, captain wont be abl;e to ice him

captain sends lon to get a few days supplies and captain nearly seduves p woman biyt captain gets her and shoves her a55 away as sghe's a gold digger

so later p woman has captain see p man but p man burned the map and memorized it so they can't ice him

didnt transformers do that withm Chip having info on the Anto Matter thing?

p man has em go tpo this island and p man sez the marker that should be in this wwater thing is gone

they go on abd eventually find a skull they gotta drop AA LINE FROM the eye of it

lon climbs and drops a rope and it has the left eyed skull ring on it and p man puts hhis right eyed skull dragon to it and it points due south like that gross guy show, paul gross

they go on and captaimn nearly shanks p man but p maN SEZ HE MIOGHT BE LYING AND THEY CAN FIND IT FASTER IF HE HELPSD EM DIG

THE Captain and the lon dig AND capain oi mean p man dont help

they find the treasure and captain sez to have lon go back but p man sez if lon goes, captain will ice him

captaiun offers lon the boat called the manfish as he dont want ANY WITNESSES And lon dont wanna let professor bite it as he may be a c-ck sucker,m buit he dont deserve to be iced for it

whaty next? laws against name calling?

kid: teacher! billy called me a ding dong! call the police!

Teacher: tyoiu are a ding dong!

kid: nooooo! (Dies from damage of name calling)

so p man sez caaptain can't ice him as theres more treasure and this is just the 1st and in the box isd another map to the next one

aND the key to this maop is in the 1st map which only exiosts in his memory

like mad max how he exists only in his memoroes

so they go back and as captaiun domnt wanna fill in the hole,m it proves he was gonna murder p man and they go back on what looks like the same beach that p man lioved on but w/o people

the trees look identicle and the beach looks familliar where they boat off

so on da boatte captain shows p woman the treasure and lets her keep a piece

p maN WANTS TO drop the treasire of but cap[tain wont go back until they have it all as he dont wanna risk p man running offf

p man convinces em to head back wjhere neither of captain or p man will go off a boat and they'd use some treasure for supplies

p man puts a metal thing in a cloth or w/e and later captain takes back the treasure he gave to p wo man wwhen shes asleep

then p man puts a metal thing in a place on the ship and the ship comes by an island and they decide what coinss to sell

if they sell 1800s gold coins the mallcontentrs might get onto em and lon goes off to sell em

the p mnans chick is named alita like the basttle angel andf she goes with him and p man thinks he might get thousands for this tresasure and a million for the next one

on dda ship p man works on the map and captain shines a blade sayinghe may be happy with just 25 000 and might not need a 1 million

p man writes on the paper and runs and captain reads it saying "i told you i'd kill you" and when he tturns, p man has a spear gun and nails captain with it in da torso

p man drags his body up and isgonna throw it in the sea to be b0ned by gay dolphins but a cop is there and he hhiodes it under a cover

a diver comes by and wants to be paid and will wait until he comes by

soto get him away he tells diver to go insuide and get money and p man steals from p man and gives it to him when he comes up

other diver isn't paid and sends for hisd friend to come by and get the moneuy aas lon chats with alita over if captain likes her and lon sez women ain't good luck (which is racist!!!! Racvist against the female race!! hate crime!!)

other diver comes by aand p man pays him and sends em off, then starts tying the body but hides it when another boat comes by

p man sez he''s waiting for captaiun and a boat needs to use captains scale

it nearly finds the body by it but misses it and the boat will be working til nightfall

at night in da bar a guy saez captain will lose the boat but the guy who's gonna reposses it will give lon a joib as he likes him

lon sez captain zap brannigan will get the money and alita shows off her gold ring captain gave her to captains woman

so its night and the boat finished work but b4 p man can duump the body, which i think would sstart to swell up from rot, captains gf comes by saying  she wants to see him

he sends her off and tries top get something to keep it down but it falls in and he trys to get it out

he throws the metal tank over and it drags the body down and as we see it sink some scenees are clearly in daylight but that wou;dn't work in color

he has a smoke but the air tank he sent under is bubbling and he starts going a bit nuts

he hears a guitar guy singer asnd goes in and ties the treasure box up

the lon gets 300 dollers for the treasure and can get more if captain has more

The lon and the alita come back and p man sez captain took the treasure and ran off but even brain damaged lon knows it wrong as Had captain left, p man woul;d follow

p man trys to get lon to go and have the boat but lon dont buy it

later this p-mp looking guy from b4 comes by with captaiins womaan looking for captain

p man sez ccaptain went to nasa andkeeps hearing the bubbling andlon notices 1 scuba tank is gone

he goes in and ssees captain ttied to the tank and cuts him free where he floats up

they get the body up and arrest a fleeing p man who claims captain was gonna ice him and offers em money

alita asks captains woman if she loved captain but she sez he owned her money

lon giives p-mp the money he made from treasure and is given ownersship of the voat

he brings the divers back and they motorboat out with the treasuire box on a rope behind it

the propellor cuts the rope as lon pulls it up and the box sinks to the sea

The end

That was pretty good 

nice 50s movie with good twists and characters

good acting and effects

It dont need swearing or gore or b0ning to be cool

and Lon Chaney gets a happy ending for once

Glad I saw it

It golds up

i mean holdds up

f--k and p-ss

For Manfish 2 I wand Lon Chaney II and his crew to come actoss a mysterious sea creature and its revealed to be an Ithyosaur who survived all these years after Noah'sd flood, but an evolutionish professor wants to use it to fake evolution being real, So lon chaney gt(or is itr Z?) has to help it escappe the scientists and theior goons. Its also an 8 bit Sega Mastyer System, Game Gear, nes, Game Boy, TG16 and Atari 7800 and Lunx game where you play either beat em up levels as Lon Chaney, or swimming level;s as thew creature ans in the end: fight the scientist in a giant monkey mech that turns into a humanoid forme to fake evolution

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