Tuesday, November 26, 2019

Elysium Review

Note; my spelling is better than matt damons views
this is my review on elysium from 2013 (Right after the mayans destroyed the wirld)
its got matt damon, jodee foster and a bunch of mexicans i never heard of
its directed by the guy who did district 9 and chappie but i never saw either of those
in fact, i never saw this and only know a bit of its plot from wikipedia
according to wikupaediae, its a rip off of the anime/manga Grey: Digital Target
i never saw that either bit its animated by the guys who did the 1st violence jack oav and apocalypse zero
even the director of this said he f'd up making this
so it starts with it being the future and theres space bases
kid mat madom and some girl talk about how in space you have robot servants(you mean a slave!!) and never get old or sick
f it! its in mexican and has white subs on white bg
he wants to go there but this nn raising him sez its not for him
later mat madon is hairless like a not tubbed out kingpin from spiderman and works in soviet los angelans in the distant future year of 2154
just the in the 20th and 21st centuries, l a is full of meicans and its a rotted slum
you'd think they'd hav nuked it by now
the robot cops stop the fellon mad madfon and beat his a55 when he gives em lip
take that you monkey!!
at da hospitalhe meets his childhood female homie and shes busy
she left da slums and is back now and agrees to go have coffee with him(YOU BUTT SODOMS!! POP IS BETTER THAN COFFEE!! NUKE THIS CESSPOOLE!!)
at his parole thing he talks to a robot and gets his parole etended several months and acts like a wisea55 to his robot parole officer
at work he's docked half a day as he was late which makes sense as he wasnt there
this dumba55 keeps sh-tting on himself
so the slum bums live in this mad max wasteland and there anre a few higher ups who live in luxery
just like the ussr and cuba and china and other commie places
so soome slummers take ships to the space base and base orders this wasteland warrior to launch missiles from earth and from a rocket launcher and take out the invading ships
but 1 gets through and invades the base
wtf, theres no mattter between space and the base
is it like robotech ii the sentinels where that clear barrier kept the air in and the veritechs went through?
so the robot cops (like the day the earth stood still?) capture the invaders and send em back
so matt madons former criminal homies want him to go back to carjacking and he dont consent
his 1st good decision
next day he has to go into a robot machine to unjam the door
frog the jam
it closes on him and he gets microwaved
they open the door and hes splattered all over the room
hes just out cold and dreaming of ghis mexuico past where a nun game him a locket with a picture of da urth
he wakes up and a robot doctor sez he has 5 days to live from his organs being cooked
what is this? fist of the north star where rei gets nailed by raoh?
so the dr gives him pills to keep him functioning until he bites it
on space bace, da chick who ordered the hit on the invaders is reviewed and sez she did it to protect her family from the invaders
they say one more screw up and shes out
also shes got that warrior working for her and  they say he raepes and kills and tortures people
his nname is kreuger
like freedy??
i think elm street is gonna sue
so krueder gets canned and goes mental
matt damon goes home and his carjacker homie helps him
matt sez they can fix him in space and he has to get there
why not pray it away?
miracles happen
so datt mamon goes to his criminal homies for a ticket and ID and he'd do aything for it
that means he's gonna be their buttslave
head criminal turns him down but when matt sez hes a radioactive man, the criminal gives him a job
btw, shouldnt mattdamon get super powers from being microwaved?
workee for da hulk
so criminal wants to steal data from this guys brain by downloading it into matts brain
what is this? johnny mennonic??
cuz matt is f'd up from his being cooked, they give him an exosuit to make him as strong as a robot
why not just charge ur ki?
pu ki in ur attacks and it can break metal
and matt wants to brain jack his boss wjo runs his company
meanwhile, boss and base chick have a pact to help each other
he helps her becoe boss and she gives him a 200 year contract
like hilery and the oil countries dictators in 2016
so these mexicans do chop shop surgery on matt damon to equip the exosuit into him
so hes a cyborg now
like gogul in cyber city oedo 808
1 mexican; you can still j-ck off all right
meanwhile, boss writes a program and puts it in his brain with a protection thing that wastes you if you try to jaCK IT
so mattand his crew take out boss's shuttle and base chick gets warrior to go after the data
damon and friends take out the robocops and in the battle, boss gets capped
they brain jack the boss and steal the data (THOU SHALT NOT STEAL!!) but the data is f;d and they leavethe data f's with matt damons brainss and his bhead blows off like in fist of the north star
jk he just spazzes out
the warrior gets there and take out their car as they try to escape
he near;y takes out damon but his homie sacrifices himself to save him and matt takes down da warrior for a bit and runs off
this is seeming like apocalypse zero meets shadowrun
he avoids detection by hiding under a pig truck and the warrior hunts after him
warrior finds out whats in damons head and base chick has a no fly order on soviet l a
oh and theres a subplot of this girl and her mom dealing with her having seizure
damon goes to his chick homie and needs her to treat him w/o the official channels as they'd wastee him if they found him
oh the mom is his chick homie
she patches him up and he has childdhood flashbacks
btw i call bullsh-t as when u dream its never memoroes.
huh, the boss was playec by the guy who did the dad from blades of glory, dannys dad in pearl harbor and eric sacks in the michael bay ninja turtles
so chick homie wants to have matt casin bring her girl to space to heal her but if they catch him they'll ice everyone there
damon leaves and warrior busts in and beats on her to find where damon went
he takes chick homie with him and flies off
damom goes to the criminals to get to space like in yugioh zexal but criminal homie sez the sky was shut down ovee the data
its a reboot program and they can make everyone a citizen of the base
but with all those slummers going there, it would be decroded as bad as los angelas
damon decides to sell his sytolen data back to be treated in exchange but criminal homie is a malcontent who wants to change things and tries in vain to stop him
change is bad
remember when that president wanted change?
didnt work so well
damon has a grenade by his head and has warior take him to space base and base chick ends the no fly thing
b4 they land the warrior tries to attack damon but he knocks guys around and the grenade goes off and they crash
chick homie and daughter run off as matt fights warrior
she breaks into someones home and tries using their mchine but it only worls on citizens making her whole trip meaningless
also a cop tazes her
so the space guys capture matt and are gonna remove his syolen datta which will ice him
apaarently warrior got his head mashed in but they rebuild him in a machine
matt breaks out, beats tthe guards and uses a macine to heal him
base chick b--ches at wartior for causing scene and he shanks her neck
now he wants to take over da base
what is be? t r edwards from robotech??
matt callls criminal homie and gets his help to make everyone a citzen
this soldier tries b0ning chick homie but matt kills him and anoyther ghuy
they move on to change the rules in the middle of thre gane and maske the daughter a citizen ands matt fights warrior whos in a battle armor and has a katana
criminal homie made it there
matt pulls the brain plug outta warriors head and warior chains himself to matt to self detonate
matt throes him over the ledge and he blows apart
btw; if we're playing samurai shodown or mortal kombat and i pull out ur controller to win: thats called cheating!!
criminal homie sez if he gets the info out he cant be healed
criminal reboots the sopace base and everyone on earth is now a citizen and the robots and computers work for the slummers and send shuttles to bring em up for treatment
they send medical shutles to earth to treat them
i believe thats called theft
if i sneak into a vault and write my name into some geezers will to get a ct of her estate i didnt earn, is that kosher??
the end
that was well made
has good gore
good effects
had good pacing
but the plot was about the bad guys taking over and the good guys being userped
its like if starscream told a story of why he should be leader
bbut, even though the story was slanted and biased, the movie was well made
it may not synchro with me, but it works
for elysium 2 i want it to be a few months later and the sspace base is overrun with slum earthers who have decroded it into aa cesspoole like on earth. also the base is almost on the edhge from haaving to take care of too many people and is about to go out. the son of the chick who tried to take over tries to warn them but isnt listened to. so he gets into a power armor and starts taking on the criminals who came from earth to save his home. its also a 32/64 bit playstation 1, sega saturn and nintendo 64 game like the good 3d castlevania where you go through the ruins of the space bse and fight off earth criminals who are ruining it.

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