Platoon Review

note; my spelling is better tjhan charlie sheens career after this.

platoon

this is my review on platoon from 1986

its the last movie my rents saw b4 i was born

so my rents took me to an R rated movie when i was in the womb

its got charlie sheen, willem dafoe from spiderman, tom berenger, keith david from gargoyles, forest whitaker from battlefield earth, johnny depp from most tim burton movies, and tony todd from candyman 1-9

its directed by oliver stone who did that j fk movie kill the irishman

its set in the 60s when the hippies were devolving america into a cesspoole of drugs and lust while american heroes were fighting the commies in soviet viet nam

ooh, its by mgm, the guys who did wizard of oz and gone with the wind

so these soldiers arrive in asia and theres kinda haunting music

like, something kinda meaningful but not positive but important

the leaving soldiers make comments implying they are f'd

so after going through the jungle for several minutes they jab each other over having a rough time in this green h-ll

nowadyas the guys would have episodes from this and be traumatized into seppuku

so later they get supplies from a chopper and relax waiting for stuff

charlie is getting malcontent over being there

they say he's not worth as much as them as he's new and didnt put in as much time

oh and he wrties to his gramma

so they decide on who goes on a mission and i think willem is cocky as he's got more exp than the new boss

b4 the ninja mission this guy shows charlie a picture of his gf

well... thats the end of him!

Willem tells charlie if he gets lost, not to yell and stay put and they;ll eventually find him

so on the mission it looks sorta like a blue tinted silent movie but still looks far better than modern films w/o much color

sheen wants to srve his country like grandpa did in ww1 and dad in ww2

and goes on about how tough these soldiers hes with are

and wants to make something of himself

later hes spazzing out a bit and sees some commies comming

and his men are sleeping

they his men open fire and theres a shootout

1 of sheens boys gets shredded and has to take it in slence to avoid getting fingered

scheen got nicked in the neck

the klingon from battlefield earth comforts sheen and another guy dumps on him for letting the commies get dat close

so sshredded guy bites it and i think he' the one who showed charlie the picture

willem uses the shredded guy as an example for what happens when you f it up

and the guys are hard on sheen

so back at da base keith david has beer and swears a lot

gooliath no!!

What would demona think?!

so charlie sheen tells em he dropped outta college for this and has over 300 days left

he wanted to be fair to the people who dont go to college by going for them

thats like those feminists who bash america and go to the 3d world thinking its better for womens rights

and some live to regret it

later its night and they give charlie sheen drugs

so thats how he got started

back in nam

willem talks to him in a creepy way about the drugs

it looks like he wants to b0ne him

then he gives him more drugs in a pipe they both blow into

in the real version they were b0niing but they wanted to not be too purvo and not get an X rating

later a black guy chats with a white guy abouut how the commies put stff in the drugs to make em f out

looking at canada; its true

all these malcontent stoners going commie and vegan

later 1 guy who seems unbalanced sez he knows this other guy is gonna bite it

later it 1968 and they are out in da jungle and find an underground tunnel system like mega man on game gear with napalm man

wim=ll e m goes in and theres a mini base or camp or w/e with the teapot still boiling so they know someone was juast there

charlie sees a snake go by his feet and spazzes out

the drugs broke his brain

1 guy finds maps and info in the camp and as they go theres an attack and 1 guy got blown out

oh it was a trap

use a coounter trap to negate it

1 guy went out and they later find whats left of him tied to a tree and chopped a bit

in the real versio he was pobably inside out and half eaten

the men go to a village and check the area while f ing with the natives

they put a renade in a tunnel to ice soe guys

when the dirty doze had em putting gas in a unnel and burning germans it wasn't shown as bad

this is though

kinda

also they have weapons and a lot of food so they burn it

americans taking away guns

what is this? sovviet california?

Sheen f with aa ret-rded guy and shoots at his feet to make him dance

1 guy snaps when thinking of his dead comrades and busts the ret-rded guys head apart with his rifle butt

but its offscreen and only talked abot

candya55!

pix or it didnt happen!

the villagers say they are innocent and don't like the commie aemy

1 guy caps a loud chick and if the village dont talk, he'd cap more

1 guy wants to ice the whole village

they'd never make a movie like this about ww2

all the soviets raeping german men and women and children when they invaded

but viet nam? thats kosher

at least birth of a nation showed the north atacking south towns

and that was made during ww1

so the americans fight each other and decide to torch the village

kinda like that gorillas in the mist b--ch did to the africans for hnting wild animals on their ancestral lands

also some soldiers are mo lestinng girls and charli sheen tells em its bad

good for you charlie

always get consent

although you kinda had too much consent and got aids

so the superior sez if there was an illegal killing, there will be a court martial

but they need every man in the field so its gonna wait

so 1 guy sez he thinks they cant win da war and sheen is growing more disgruntled

later theres a firefight and they are losing

lots of damage

i think johnny depp gets it

just like in nightmare on elm street 01

so after it cools down tom berenger goes to find willem

wllem and charlie are busting a55 like its contra and wait its tom not charlie bustin a55

tom caps willem and leaves him but tells charlie willem bit it

wait, i think charlie was busti a55

sheen and men leave in chopper but they see willem getting iced by commies

shheen kmows tom iced willem and wants to assassinate hom as they got no solid proof other than svheens sensing it

but some guys dont wanna

tom sez if things go against the grain they gotta be removed

sounds more soviet than american

well, this IS the L BJ years!

so he eggs em on to ice him for whackin willem

eventually chRLie attacks him but gets beeat down cuz hes a candy a55 college boy and this guy is a soldier

tom pulls a knife on sheen but spares him cuz hes the main character even though willem was 1st credited

so later they go on a mission to be bait to lure out the commies

and charklie is becioming a junkie and stopped writing his fam

keith david tries to help him but he's all given up on reality and the world over fairness issues

typical candya55 college millenniel style butt pope

and keith david is going home now

1 black guy was putting bug repellent on his feet and mouths off to tom when told not to

tom is gonna get a big centipede and put it in the black guys crotch, which makes him freak out

imagine a footlong centipede gioing in his foot long weener?

also 1 guy wants time off as willemd vacation time could be his but is turned down

so this otehr team that was sent in gets iced and a survvior omes to charlies groups hole

the commies attack and the americas get outta the hole and charloe goes mental and busts a guys face with his rifle butt

the commies take everyone out and charlie hides under a corpse

so the battle goes on and tom is going berser and busting everyone and nearly wastes charlie but an air strike blows the area

the next day charlie is alive and tom is bsted uop

so charlie murders him in cold blood

now they both go to h-ll

and not just cuz they did drugs

oh and it wasnt charlie who hid under the guy

so afterward they count the fallen and charlie and a black guy are getting out

so charlie sez this has changed him and its gonna be with him forever

then we see the actors and who they played one at a time with their names like spaceballs

the end

that was well made

well acted and well shot

it looks good and tells a dark but not depressing story

f done today it would be really buummer

but this is sorta like batman rrturns on sega genesis

its got a dark gloomy feel and look but doesnt bum you out

the light kind of dark

i also liked the oliver stone movie W and thought it humanized Bush 2 with making him a real person instead of some joke the comedians resort to ffor a cheap laugh

this fillm was pretty good and i'm glad i saw it out of the womb for once

for platoon 2 i want it to be about charlie sheen being used in a gov experiment to see the effects of drugs on him to deal with his ptsd. he eventually starts devolving into some kind of slug-like ape and the movie shows his gradual devolving in mind and body also he gets out and busts up the area with his slimy body and takes on the base guards in various mechs and human cyber upgrades and dna mutations into abominations. its also a 16 bit game on sega genesis, snes, tg16, atari jaguar and gnba where you go through the base like in a Metroid game and get new abilities by eating people and absorbing them into your dna.