Tuesday, November 19, 2019

Gulliver's Travels Review

note; i spell big but sometimes spmal
gulliver's travels
this is my review on gulliver's travels from 20100 (the year of street fighter 2010 the final fight)
its got jack black, james corden (ewwwwwwww), the chick from mary poppins 2, the cop from bridesmaids (that movie s-cked!!) the chick who now does magica in the new ducktales and no one else i really know of
iits directed by the guy who did shark tale and detective pikachu and i hasnt seen either
i saw bits of this b4 and amm slightly familliar with the original story and how there were 4 places he went
huh, a lot of people say this s-cked
so i'll probably like it
it'll probably have a guy crawl up jack blacks a55
so after clever credits of the guys names on a city, wait, this is modern?!
the books were in the 1800s or w/e!
ruined forever!!
so jack wakes up and is kind of a doof
he goes to work at a mailroom in a building and a new guy works with him
jack goes b--chy when new guy talks to the guys he gives mail to and they chat with this chick jack is gay for
jck and chick ride the elevator anf i think they b0ne
later jack is rocking out to kiss and its revealed he queered out on the chick
also new guy is promoted above him and tells him he's gonna be in da mail room 4ever
jack cant take it and smashed gis guitar over new guys head and uses a shard to seppuku
really he gets bummed and trys asking out chick but queers out
he covers it by claiming to be a travler and wanting a travel assignment
imagine if he went to some cannibal country and got eaten?
they'd eat for a month!
at home he try's writing an article but s-cked at it so he c/p'ed it off da net
this impresses the chick as i guess shes a dumba55 too and she sends him tio soviet bermuda to check the triangle
well, thats the end of him!!!
this big black guy who meets him in bermuda sez the supernatural cr-p is fake
thats a f--king lie!!
so he gives jack a boat and he goes out and reads a mag about ho to make a robot
in the triangle his equipment f's out and hes in a storm
see you in h-ll gulliver!!
he puts on his life jacket AFTER the storm comes (freekin idiot!!)and gets eaten by a big a55 wave
he wakes up in h-ll and is being b0ned by j fk
he waked up tied up by tiny people
midget SM?!
ur into some sick cr-p jack!
jack breaks out andthe midgets pull him down by his pants and  he crushes a guy under his fat a55
the worst way to go
so hes captured and sold to the king
what is this? soviet england??
so they think he might be a spy for a rival kingdom they are at war with
what is this? the zentraedi and thre invid in robotech??
so they have him caged up in a rovk dungeon and makes friends with a guy who was jailed for being attracted to a chick of higher status
what is this? soviet india??
jack calls the general responsible for this a lamea55 but general hears and jack sez lame a55 is a good thing
wtf the general is called Edward Edwardian
like t r edwards in robotech??
so he lets jack out all tied up i some pulley SM thing and he breaks out
he saves da princess by throwing the star wars action figure sized guys after her away and the attacking enemy's book it
but the king is in danger from a fire
so jack whizzes it out
and yes, this happened in the book
he also whizzed on general ed
that got me to smile
they call him beast like the x men guy
man we;re only half an hour in?
that just (puts on shades) whizzed by
imagine if they made a jack black directed cut where he gets the runs and blasts the castle to stop the fire?
so jacks the hero and has them free the inmate
at da dinner he tells em of soviet new york and they think hes president
so they make him stuff to live like new york and remake his apartment and a coffee machine
all in 7 days
so this is a dream right?
he has em put on a play of star wars and titanic but has him as the hero
edwards points out the logic error of him biting it on the titanic and beign alive now
also jack helps ex convict with his girl issues and pulls a Cyrano de Bergerac by telling him song words
also edawrds and princess are a couple but shes not that into him
edwards men find a can of coke and jacks boat and it needs a fixing
so jack finds his iphone and the chick hes gay for sent him a buncha angry messages for figuring out his work is ripped offa better guys and now shes gotta do work as jack is off
priness gives gulliver advice and he decides to stay longer
general edwards is not happy how gulliver is changing things and gets edwards job
so he turns off the city's defence syatem and the enemy kingdom who is right there, attacks
so jack takes off his shirt and shoes and goes to the sea to fight em himself
he dont wanna fight and tells em to fake the fight and run away
they fire him with cannons but the shots rebound off his flab
he drags the boats away and saves da day
later hes having a good time annd they play kiss's rick and roll all night in a montage
so his ex convict friend sez gillinver otta train the army but g boy sez he can handle it himself
also g boy tells ex convict homie advice for flirting with princess
also princess dumps edwards
so gulliver has turned the island into new sodom (new york ) and edwards betrays his kingdom to save it by working ewith the enemy
wtf this is robotech II the sentinels!!
so he returns with a  mrch (robotech!! ) and fights gulliver in it
it even transsforms like the sdf 1
he  gives  g boy a wedgie and he gives up cuz hes a little b--ch
he admits all his stories are cr-p and gets sent to an island the people fear
the hero got bbeat and sent away with the evil general edwards in charge? just like robotech II!!
so edward de new york izes the city and princess gives up on everything glliver sed
also the chick jack is gay for is found on the island and the midgets get her
jack wakes up and finds himself in a dress and in a dollhouse for some giant chick
she forcefeeds him milk and burps him and change his diaper
good f--k the fetishes
she alsio makes him gay out with a man doll
1 doll she has is a pilot who is a skeleton
so homie comes back and tells g boy what happened since he was out and gies hiom a speech to gie him some chutzpa
bte, the giant island was in the book but was the 2nd chapter and he crawled inside opeoples crotches
thats not a joke
its canon
just like dragon ball super ans the new star wars
so he escapes and is reunites with the chik and admits his crush on her and she forgives him for his a55 holian acts
so violence jack goes to face the general edwards (a giant vs a bbad guy in a mech? like breetai s the invid regent??) and edrawrds has shock attacks
ex convict helps g boy by going in the mech and interfering and cutting the shockers
jack goes hulk hogan on the mech and wins
btw; jack black,... jack baker???
so ex convict homie and princess admit love and king lets em marry cuz he helpsed save da kingdom
edwards takes princess hostage but she slugs him out
like janice and t r in the sentinels
jack reconsiles with the chick he likes and sings the song, war! wat is it good 4? to get em to stiop fighting
its also a big a55 dance
so gliver annd his gf go home and later hes working as a travel nut
he gives advice to the new guy in da mail room and we get credits in a newspaper thing saying gilluver actually went to the island and it was a news headline that wasn;t mocked as ridiculous somehow
an island of 1700s tiny people?
seems more like a weekley world news thing
the end
i liked this
ita livleym, fun, cheerful, colorful, positive, and enjoyable
its kinda dumb but it works and has good music and charn
decent effects wgich are obvuous chg but its not awful and for a 2010 version of a castlevania era book, its pretty good
sorta like having just macross instead of the full robotech
but backwards
yeah it doesnt cover the whole book and gives it 90s tude
but it works
foor gulliver's travels 2 i want him to be traveling near the triangle and finds the modern day kingdom he was at in the 1st movie. turns out, going through the triangle sent him back in time in the 1st one and now he's found the modern day version of it. but his interference has msde them devolve into an anything goes style of society and no one does anything and they just eat each other for food. also they think gulliver is a legend and not real and when he arrives, the peole start attacking him for ruining their view on reality by existing. so he's gotta take em out. also itas an 8 bit gaame like rampage on nes, sega master system, game gear, gane boy, atari 7800 and lynx and tg16 where you play a gulliver and bust up their rotted city of decroded high tech and their hovercycles and plasma guns and take on the other neighboring colony islands they took over that are at different degrees of advancement.

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