Friday, February 5, 2016

Lawrence of Arabia Review

note; the typing s-cked
Lawrence of arabia
this is my review on lWRENCE pf artabia
I like ww1 films
although this is from the bad guys view(the brits)
my great grampa's served their countries in ww1
at the time, Slovenia and my moms part of po land were part of Austria
so we lost
my great grampa's were in the same Slovenian unit(both were from the same village)
they faced the Italians, turks and Russians(who later kinda were evil)
i assume that lawrence is some kind of mel gibson figure who rallys the oppressed people to free themselves from brittish rule from englands deviant regent and her minions, the degenerates.
btw, this film is over the top widescreen
around 1/2 the screen is black baRS
have fun with dat
even on a cr-ppy flatscreen/widescreen tv its gonna have b bars
it starts with an overture that sounds kinda star trek
the next part is a bit like gone with the wind and the theif of bagdad
I miss this classic cinema music
now its all hip hop and cr-p
the music goes on for like 5 mins
claude rains is in this
then this guy rides a motorcycle w/o a helmet for a long time and crashes
his goggles were hanging from a tree
I bet he splattered like a bag of chef boy ar dee
later people are remembering him but few knew him, they only knew his exploits
like me in high school
1 guy badmouths Lawrence and a brit is triggered
but the brit only shook his hand and never really knew him,
this is like how celebs have malcontent fans who go mental when those freaks are bashed for their wicked ways
then we get a flash back where lawrdendce is in some north Africa country and serving the deviant reign of England
he fools around with stuff and p-sses people off with his clowning
so his superiors send him to Arabia
the superiors complain about how they wanna beat the germans and not the turks
I thought the turks sided with the brits
that's why they got away with the Armenian genocide
like how stalin isn't as hated as the axis leaders despite being far worse
spoiler, the germans kick brit a55 and the brits only "win" ww1 cuz america saved their candy a55
although they should've sided with zee kaizer
might've prevented comminusm, naziism and ww2
Lawrence gets 3 months to do his... w/e hes sent to there to do
he then goes across the desert by camel in this barren wasteland
its like mad max
at night he talks to his guide and tells em his home is full of lardoes
I think hes got a fat fetish
going after tubby 1800s chix
maybe he's a feeder too
likes fattening up the girls
later they stop by a well belonging to "dirty people"
a horse rider comes and shoots the guide as he gets his gun
the rider sez its his well Lawrence is welcome to drink from it
he also thinks of the guy he killed as sub human
wait, the rider is on a camel
and omar sharif
larwence hates the rider but the rider wants to help him get to his destination
laweerbce also openly bashes the rider who just picked off a guy while riding a moving thing from like 200feet away
later lawerce is going through a rocky and singing loudly and eccoing
man the brittish military must s-ck to have him do that
he could be going into a trap and alerting the guys
but he fins a fellow brit
the fellow brit sez the turks are bwning the people hes with by using superior weapons
then a plane comes by and shreds people with gunfire
I assume this is the 1st boss
why aren't they using magic?
a well aimed spell could take it out
wait that's dungeons and dragons
the plane leaves and alec guiness from staR WARS comes in as a native and sez his people aren't used to modern(1800s) tech
I should note that japan was pretty advanced by this time period and had beat Russia like a decade ago
while leaving with the people, some teens wanna be his servents but he turns em down
at a meeting omar sharif comes by and is revealed to be working for alec ginnes
alec sez the canal the brits protect is only of use to the brits and they should send the boats protecting it to help fight the turks
the fellow brit says only good things about England and claims they are only great for being disciplined
alec giuines sez he fears the brits wanna take over Arabia but lawrene sides with him
he sez his country was great 1000 years ago and he hates the desert and wants green places
also his dad started thewar with the turx
at nighr someone walks in the desert and the eens from b4 followed him
I think its lawrebce
the next day he returns saying he's gonna cross this uncrossable desert with 50 men to attack the undefended side of this sea thing
omar sharif thinks its impossible and outs his plan to alec guines
how did Lawrence know the guns aimed at sea cant be turned around?
maybe he has black powers of foresight?
alec gives lawence 50 men and they go off to cross the desert
its kinda like in planet of the apes with te "forbidden zone"
oh and mar sharif is with him
and the teens have snuck on with em
Lawrence accepts therm as minions for 1 shilling a week each
then they get to the desert
on the way there 1 guy gets lost and Lawrence wants to go back
omar sharif (I think) trys to stop him cuz the guy is not gonna make it and its a waste
this isn't g i joe where no one bites it
this is Robotech where main characters bit it every ep!
later Lawrence returns with the guy
although the desert thing reminds me of the scene from erich von stroheims greed
what a great ending that movie had
so meaningful
so even omar sharif comes to respect Lawrence and he's welcomed back
that was a good movie
maybe in ther next one it'll show the attack on the base
that night he talks to omar sjasrif and he burns lawrences clothes
the next day Lawrence is given the native4 peoples clothes
I notice they call Lawrence; L oranz!
like L-Ron from Robotech II; the sentinels?
then some guy comes in and he's from this tribe of guys who are like wasteland riders who work for the highest bidder
he has diplomatic immunity or something as if he gets capped, then theres a blood feud over it
so he acts like a jacka55
he invites the Lawrence men for dinner
im nioticing not a lot of action happens in this film
must be cuz its brittish
at dinner the tribe guy sez he is ok with the turks on his land and wont help the brits
I was making pasta but I think I overheard enough to think they talked the tribe guy into helping em
they get to the base and are gonna attack the next day
but one guy capped another guy and to stop a flood feud, Lawrence has to execute the guy who killed the guy
turns out the killer was the guy he saved from the desert
so he empty's his gun into the guy
I assume in the real version he b0ned him dead, as per custom
the next day they ride in and take the city
I assume they killed the captured and those who surrendered
maybe b0ned anyone they wanted
that night, the tribe guy is disgruntled over no gold being in the city
Lawrence writes him a check for 5 000 gold ginnyz and sez he;'s commin back in 10 days
Lawrence leaves with his teens and promices em their 1st sleep in real beds with fine sheets
hope they don't b0ne
after going through a dust thing he loses his compass but just goes west
later 1 teen gets eaten by the desert
it just drags him under
I assume some monster is sucking him under and b0ning him dead while eating him
Lawrence tries but doesn't save him
later they get to an empty town and later to a city with people
oh, its the city he was in b4
and the brits don't want his teen friend treated like an equal
at the bar he orders lemonaid(like how in sailor moon she went to a bar and ordered cream soda)
Lawrence tells em they took the city and captured the turks(and are probably b0ning em)
later hes debriefed and hes revealed to have taken the city w/o orders to
he gets a promotion and is sent back
he reveals he "killed 2 people, I mean araabs" and enjoyed it
so foreigners aint people to the brits?
that explains a lot
but him realizing his peoples evil shows he's resisting his programming
maybe even turning human
he sez he's gonna attacvk the turkx and in 13 weeks have things going nuts
he also checks to make sure the brits wont take over arabia
his superior sez they wont
he sez he's gonna support Lawrence but later sez he cant give em arterliy since its gonna make em independent(and brits don't like independence)
then theres an intermission
we're only half way through?!
this could've been 2 movies by now!
its not like the 10 commandments where it takes place over 120 years
and not much happens!
later this america guy comes by and talks with alec guinies
hes a reporter and looking for a good story to get america involved in the war
he wants Lawrence for that
alec guinies reveals his side kills their own wounded since they aren't soldies but rebels and aren't protected by any code(so they get b0ned dead)
later larewnce and his rebels open fire on a train for a while and raid it
most of the victims on it don't seem to be millitary
a wounded soldier caps larewnce in the arm but he just stands there as te shots miss
then the tribe guy slices the soldier in half with his blade
the american wishes he got a picture of it(sick freak!!)
the tribal guy busts the americans camera and sez Lawrence is sing up his 9 lives
so he can survive 9 times?
sounds like black magik
larwencve complains about his men looting their victims
I assume they also b0ne the dead
latwer lawrteve tells the american he wants to give the people their feedom
so maybe he will become the mel Gibson figure after all
later in another train attack the men get a lot of horses
I assume theyre gonna b0ne em
later they prepare for another train thijng and his survving teen is too wounded to escape
so Lawrence blows his head off with a gunshot
later Lawrence reveals hes got complex of being some super warrior who can do anything
he goes into a city by himself and seems rather fruity
hes caught and omar sharidf is sent home
hes taken to this mexicany general guy(maybe a cartel leader) and is personally selected cuZ he's got blue eyews
wtf hes 27
the cartel guy laments being the only guy like him among people who don't get him
Lawrence is stripped nude and the cartel guy thinks he's a deserter
he also feels larewnces milky white skin
Lawrence slugs him and is tied up/whipped
this is getting x rated
they were probably b0ning him in the real version
and the cartel guy watches
later the omar sharif is waiting outside and they throw Lawrence outside
omar nurses him back to health but hes traumatized from being b0ned by all those guys
he thinks about quitting the revolt since hes white he thnks hes not worthy
omar sharif trys to talk him out of it
this is like when an impressionable teen hears bad things about white people, straight people and men in the past and turns on his people
like all those malcontents on tumbler
he returns to his base he was b4 and alec guines comes by and talks about keeping his people weak for the brits and French to rule easier
Lawrence requests to be relocated
also the French and brits agreed to share the turks land after the war
I knew they were the bad guys
his superiors want him to help em take over a place but he wants to quit
offscreen he tells a dr about a him, being gang b0ned
his superior tells Lawrence hes epic and Lawrence sez hes giving the people the city they are taking over
at the battle laweecve gets a buncha killers and malcontents to join in the attack
but the tribe guy hates it
the tribal guy orders "no prisoners" and runs off alone toward the battle
only to get capped
Lawrence sez "no prisioners" and attacks with his men
after the battle lawrebce is soaked in blood and shocked
its like in Urotsukidoji V: the final chapter, where amano jyaku went mental and slaughtered everyone
the american takes lawrences pik and sees him as evil now
ironic how hsees these people as cruel and rotten while he wants to get america into a war and kill even more people
and for the brittz too!
might as well fight for Caligula!
later Lawrence tries to mediate the tribes at a council
they don't get machines nor electricity
they wanna put out a fire but don't wanna carry water
right now those Austrians are lookin not so bad
maybe Lawrence should side with em against the brits and frenchies
later the tribal guy is still alive and disputing something with a guy
I thought he bought it
later Lawrence disguises himself as a local and his siuperior slaps him out thinking he's one of em
later alec guiness is in a meeting with the superior and the dr
as Lawrence leaves this guy shakes his handbut they've never met b4
he grows up to be the guy bashing anyone who dislikes lawrence
alerc guiness agrees to have an illusion of power while the brits rule over it
like canada
larewnce is being driven in a car and is going home
on the way there he sees a motorcycle
the end
what a long film
other films tell twice the story in less than half the time
not bad
but its not as "epic" as ive been lead to believe
for Lawrence of Arabia 2 I'd like it to be him having faked his biting it on the motorcycle and have gone to help the guys fighting england in Italy to prevent more brittish domination after learning they cant be trusted in ww1. he also tries to turn Italian to free himself from his brittishness which he has grown to dislike (kinda like megatron's beast mode in beast machines) and has surgery and magic used by italy's best mages and clerics and paladins.

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