The Maltese Falcon Review

note; my keyboard is badly made so forgive my errors
the maltese falcon
thisis my review of the maltese falcon
its about an item from the Castlevania days
bogart gets a chick from new York in his san fran Sodom office looking for her sister
her sisters seeing a dangerous guy
later this guy gets shor
it gives no info of him b4 hand
I have no care for this guy
wait
its his partnr miles(prowler?)
I don't recognize these people when theyre onscreen for 6 seconds and have no lines
turns out it was a brittish gun that killed him
I knew the brits were evil
just look at all those mel Gibson(Melvin chaim gibstein) films
If he makes a movie on the board game; RISK, it should be mel gibson.as he fights to free the world from brittish oppression! forming a coalition of countries going from place to place to liberate it from the brits! it leads to mel gibson in a final battle with queen victoria with her powered by black magic and mel using super kung fu.
I got most of that IDEa from robotech 2; the sentinels
mel Gibson I mean bogart talks with some guys w/o brit accents
l8r miles wife comes in and asks bogart if bogart killed him
wait
were bogart and miles wife b0ning?
that's the impression I got from their interaction
bogarts secretary thinks the wife was involved
btw
this film is done by john Huston
I liked his bible movie
the scene with the sodomites was like a tim burton p0rn0
with the freeky images and danny elfman style music
turns out the woman was lying about her sister
he gets her to give her the rest of her cash and goes to investigate
wtf
I think hes making a contraband cigarette
ten this tommy wiseau guy played by peter lorre comes in and wants bogart to get him this item
then pulls a gun on him and wantsto search his office
then bogart beats him out and goes through his things
he comes to and theytalk
he seems a bit gayish
he asks for his gun back and bogart gives it to him
IDIOT!!
wiseau pulls it on him and searches is office
I assume he b0ned him at gunpoint offscreen
iyou don't give a guy u ust beat up a gun
if this were a video game it would cost him
he tells the chick of wiseau
they talk then he kisses her (probably to negate the b0ning he got b4)
bogart chick and wiseau meet at some place
also a boy is following bogart
they talk and wiseau hits lisa but bogart smacks him
some guys come over and they think bogarts b0ning someones wife
wiseau yells for help and the woman attacked him and pistol whipped him
bogart tells the situation as this plot is hard to follow
the guys(who are cops) take wiseau away and bogart and the chick talk
urns out the chick and a guy stole the item from wiseau but it wasstole from her
bogart gets a guy in trouble who might be working for someone
bogart reunites with wiseau and they get along again
I think hes gay for bogart
the chick comes over andher place was searched
bogart puts her at his secretary's place
this movie is long and confusing
miles woman sez she sent the cops after him in the last part
I think shes gay for bogart
bogart argues with a guy who looks like Winston Churchill or alfred hitchcock
he talks to the DA and soon after takes the guy he troubleds guns
he talks with Churchill about the item and offers him up to 1/4th million $ for getting the item
he gets a b0ner and cant walk right from that news
then he blax out
im not sure
I was reading yugioh wiki
he wakes up soon after and reads the paper as they don't have tv
this place burns down and he returns to his office
then a guy comes in with the item and dies
that came outta nowhere
right then the phone rings and the chick screams and hangs up
this is like a tim burton movie with how it speeds up near the end
only a lot less entertaining
he mails the item and takes a car somwhere
looks like his driver might get wacked
the chick returns and the walk into a trap
they pay him 10 thousand and they plan to pin the crime on the guy he troubled
but bogart keeps getting up the troubled guys butt
he keeps p---ing everyone off
they cant kill him cuz they need the item
they suggest other ways of making him talk
I assume they're gonna let peter lorre b0ne him again
nah, hes used to it
he angers the troubled guy until he attacks but bogart slugs him out
they decide to blame him and bogart uses this as a way of getting all the info on the bad guys by saying he needs to know how to fit the story together for the blaming
churchills explaination goes on for like 4 minutes
toubled wakes up and Churchill tells him hes throwing him under the bus
bogart gets his secretary to bring it over
but its a fake
wiseau goes on a non swearing tirade
while they talk the chick escapes
wait
she doesn't
I think it was the troubled guy
the bad guys leave
and bogart outs them to the cops
turns out the chick was responsible for miles getting iced
oh
she wacked him
bogart explains it all
also the chick is gay for bogart
and bogart sends he to the cops
shes gona git da chair!
bogart knows things he has no way of knowing
they back and forth for like 12 minutes
then she gets arrested
he walks off the end
for the maltese falcon 2 I'd like for the real maltese falcon to be found but it turns out its really a relic from before noah's ark and it has a great daemon sealed inside it and they try to find some way to stop it from being released but it gets out and they summon angels and theres an epic Robotech/dbz battle