Sunday, May 22, 2016

Forbidden Planet Review

note; my comp is cr-p so tgeres typoes
Forbidden Planet
this is my review on forbidden planet
its got leslie nielson b4 he did those naked movies
naked gun movies
I loved those in da 90z and thought he was just awesome
even in Dracula; dead and loving it
how come a mel brooks/lerslie nielson partody is hated when bram stopkers dracuyla(90s ver) is loved?
that 1 s-cked!
its just lust and secks
might as well have made it a P0RN0E
I hear this movie is based on shakespere
shakespere s-cked
he's just talking about b0ning and he goes emo
I saw shakespere in love and kept making sodomy jokes
much ado about nothing was really prissy
and romeo/Juliet were losers!
you want a GOOD writer? get Go Nagai!
Devilman, violence jack, demonlord dante, cutey honey
hold up shakesperes cr-p next to go nagai's violent p0rn0z
compare em and see which is cooler/more enjoyable/better
ooh, its from 56
so is my mom
I wonder if its from Poland too
it starts with bright color credits at a slant in widescreen
in 2090s people went to the moon
then expanded bases elsewhere
then found hyperdrive
I think the sdf-1's fold drives were better
in the 2200s they were out in the stars
and now this ship is going to this planet that had a base but I think has no contact
I love the color on this
bright and vivid
its kinda sad to think once dark shows like batman beyond or Urotsukidoji have brighter colors than most cr-p nowadays
they go to the planet ajnd it has more oxygen and a bit less gravity as earth
that means the people will be weaker on earth
enduring hardness makes one tougher
like in dbz when they train in 500x earth gravity
the ship gets a broadcast message saying they don't need em
he warns em its dangerous but don't explain why
the crew don't care and the planet guy gives him landing coordinates
wtf the human craft looks like a flying sauser
good landing effects though
btw, the ship has weapons
better than in 2001 a space oddesy
the crew sees a weird fast vehicle coming across the wasteland and its got a really 50s looking robot in it
the robot sez he's here to bring them there abd knows 187 other languages if they don't get English
one guy asks if its male or female
I assume he wants to b0ne it
the bot takes em to the planet guy and they have dinner
the robot can make any food and a disintegrator to clean up
also its a slave to the planet guy and cant harm people.
I wonder if the planet guy(whos also a dr so im calling him it now) ever b0nes his bot?
he has the bot aim a blaster at the captains head but when he tells it to fire the bot wigs out
the dr sez all the other guys on this trip were iced by some dark force
he married and b0ned a girl on the crew and they were the only survivors
and also he has a daughter
she wears a small dress like in star trek
if it was just me and my gf alone on some planet we'd just hang out in our undies
his daiughter hasn't known any other people besides her dad
the captain sez his men were in hyperspace for a year w/o chix
you'd think they'd go prison gay
the girl has a whistle that can summon animals
1st deer then a tiger
but it wont kill her
I assume she'd be some kind of female tarzan
the ships crew needs 10 days to make a thing to contact earth as their orders didn't include a masaacre and they cant to jack on their own
the robot helps em with the work and can carry an obscene amount of weight
a guy get the rpbot to make him some booze
it drinks the guy's last bit then asks if 60 gallons is enuff?
this is like teens asking a guy to pick them up some brewski's
then the cAptain (I think) makes out wuith the chck
wait, its the lieutenant
leslie nielson saves her and sez she shouldn't run around dressed skimpy
the real leslie nielson would make some dumba55 comment played totally straight and often with b0ning implications
you dressing like that gives me a good feeling. my hands would like to return the favor
the chick b--ches to her dad about it and then goes to the bot to have her make her a new dress
if this were startrek sge'd be in some skimpy bikini
the next day the captain whines to the guards about how while they were on guard the ship was entered and something busted
eslie nierlson goes to see the dr but he's busy in his study with the door closed
I wonder if that robot can made p0rn0es?
like vhs tapes or comics
then lesblie nirbl;ios sees the chick swimming and thinks she'd nude
but she's really wearing a long nice dress
hes a bit nervous but she don't get why
I think leslie nielson got a b0ner
they talk then he makes out with her
then the tiger comes out
It attacks but leslie nielson nukes it with his death ray
pretty sick effects
the eslie nirlson goes into the dr's room and sees weird writing
then the dr comes in and sez the planets 1st people (the krell) were some kind of ubermenche beyond humans ever were and long ago
they also visited earth
what is this? macross?
then they were wiped out somehow
oh and their legacy lingers on
also this room he owns has a door that has dense molecules and is energy resistant
I bet if you used KI it could take it on
and the dr is learning their language in writing and mastering their tech
he's around half as smart as their 7 year olds at IQ183
this really is like Robotech/macross
the crew tech guy does 1/3rd of the dr at IQ161 and the captain s-cked too
so its not just IQ
and power levels don't matter with skill
oh and the dr has had a shock thing that doubled his brain power
plus the equipment uses almost nothing of its max power
this is like dbz
I don't remember this
theyre in a sphere elevator and its all green and sci fi
and they're in a building that goes on for miles
makes the SDF-1 look dinky
a cube 20 miles on each side
and 50 miles below is nucular recators
this would make a good video game
the crew sets up a laser fence and the cook goes to get his booze
but drinking on the job is against regulations and protocol soldier!
the fence sparks a bit and these footprints sink into the earth w/o a body
then they go up the stairs
the dr and eslie nielson argue if man deserves such science
then he gets a call that a guy was splattered all over the communucations room
the cast of the footprint sez it goes against every law of science and evolution
maybe science and evolurtion are wromg?
and the captain b--ches about the cook getting hammered buty he didn't get drunk despite all his drinking
the dr sez if the captain don't go then the thing will kill again
he calls it a PREE MOH NITION!
its prem oh nition
like how its Slow vay knee uh not slow vee knee uh for Slovenia
or uh maer ihh kuh, not amm err ick uh for america
the crew sets up a scanner and weapons but this thing comes
its invisible and is seen as a monstrous behemoth that reacts to the lasers and fence
it goes away when the dr wakes up and his daughter had a dream of it
leslie nielson wants him or his scientist to get a brain boost from the ancient labs
btw, if the lab don't age and no ones around to tell em, howe do they know the exact date the tech was made?
it could've been made right b4 he got there as a trap
or he might have mistranslated the dates he read, assum,ing they were accurate
they  get in but the robot wont let em
but the girl over rules it
the scientist tries to use the brain boost but bites it
b4 he does, he warns of monsters from the ID"
the dr b--ches about the guy getting killed and his kid decides to ditch him
the dr sez the ID is the subconscious
so the krell had their inner daemons loosed and turned into matter by their machines and killed em, like in a splattery go nagai manga
and now the dr's inner basic evil is loose icing everyone
then the monster tears through the super matter door
he tells the r0bot to kill it but the bot fizzed out cuz it knows the thing is his other self
they hide behind the super metal door (which I thought was broke b4) and he convinces the dr to let em go cuz the machine is powering this abomination
the dark other self thing reminds me of yugioh
Lesli Nielson sez people have a dark side and we need laws and religion to stay sane
the door is graduallty burned through
he does something against the monster and is somehow wounded w/o a mark
I assume his guts were microwaved
he has em set the thing to overload and they get away with the robot and girl into space as te panet nukes itself
leslie nirlson comforts the chick and sez how humans are not God
the end
that was better than shakespere since it was cool and interesting
but so was la blue girl
I liked it and think its a grand film
for forbidden planet 2 I'd like the girl living in a school to teach her about modern things and the robot is her slave. Also the dad survived by fusing with the machines into a mix of the other him, the machine parts and some cyber-daemon appearance. the robot and the girl have a connection to him and he senses em to try to go to earth as its what the space demons who made the machines wanted in the 1st place, as they had become the machines and made the story of millions of years ago as a trick to get his trust. the robot using its sci fi tech, makes armor and weapons to fight the cyber daemon since he cant kill it himself. also te girl has super powers from being made of his dna after he got boosted by the brain machine and she's part daemon and has daemon powers.

Sunday, May 8, 2016

Pee Wee's Big Adventure Review

note; I can type I just don't care to be good
pee wees big adventure
this is my review on pee wees big adventure
I love this film
it starts with pee4 wee winning the toor de france
he dominates the other racers
he must be on super roids to out run those rioded racers
but its a dream
he wakes up and plays with toys
how old is he?
he lives in his own house
but acts like a kid
nowadays we might consider him challenged and on disability
hes kinda like spongebob
his place is a crazy funhouse like the joker would have
hes got a weird a55 breakfast machine that looks awesome but wont work in real life
he talks to his breakfast and pays with tape on his face
wait, hes having bacon??
I thought he was jewish
his lawn is full of weird cr-p too
I love this
he goes out and gets his super rad bike
he loves this bike
I hope he don't b0ne it
I saw on a brittish show was a guy with a harem of bikes which he b0nes
thern pee wee faces his rival
fransis is just as child-y as peewee
he wants peewees bike
but wee wee wont sell it
fransis is plasyed by a good actor
in 1 scene he seems sad or sympathetic
in the next hes like a cartoon villian
youill be sorry, peeweeherman!
pee wee goes out and does tricks on his bike but crashes
hes ok
I just realized hes ot wearing a helmet
surprised they can show this now
safety nuts go mental when someone don't wear a helmwet
unless they have a turban
peewee goes to a mall and chans up his bike with a really long chain
in the real version you can see the chain coming from a hole in the bin
but this is da widescreen ver
he visits a majik shop and gets some items
this would make a great videogame
at the bike shop this chick dottie wants to date him
peewee sez hes got things about him that she wouldn't like
is he queer or something?
is that what hes trying to tell her?
he goes to his bike but its gone and he blacks out
he goes to look for it but only sees people riding bikes
its not sad at all
you really see how tim burton made this great
its funny and has good camera work
most films have a tacked on sad moment to make the audience feel bummed
not this one
or commando
he trys going top the cops but they got better things to do
he goes after fransis thinking he took it
fransis is taking a bath(in a pool o\in a swimsuit)
peewee comes in and they battle
man peewees mental
man how old is fransis?
he lives with his rents and accts immature
then again that could apply to most 20-40 year olds today
fransis's dad alibi's him and peewee gives them trick gum he got at the majik shop
peewee spreads word of his bike and fransis cant take it
turns out he had a guy swipe ity and now don't want it anymore
so he pays the guy to get rid of it
why not have it sent back to peewee?
otherwise peewees gonna keep going mental and might trace it back to him
peewee calls a meeting witjh over 200 pieces of evidence
he starts with exhuibit a and its all meaningless cr-p
3 hours later he's only on exhibit q
that don't add up
later he wanders the streets in the rain and when a gang attacks him, he freaks em out with a hiss
maybe his ki charged and freaked em out
he's pretty bad a55
pee wee herman is bad a55
he sees a fortune teller who tells him the bike is in the basement of the alamo
he hitchhikes and gets a guy in a car who brioke outta jail
the guy cut off a "do not remove under penalty of law" tag from a matress
remember from degrassi high when wheels tried hitchhiking and a gay guy picked him up and tried to seduce him?
hope peewee don't get b0ned
the ex con lights a cigarette then immediately throws it away
as they drive, the bike is seen on a truck going next to em but turns away
they run int0 the cops and the con wants to shoot his way out
but peewee disguises them and he dresses as a wo man
kinda like with lancer in robotech
not at all suspect
later they're driving and the con talks about prison
he mentions; long showers!!
he sez; you'll get used to it
later peewweweeas driving at night and accidentally drives off a cliff
he opens the convertible roof and they float down
the con warns him not to get mixed up with him using similar words peewee used with dottie
in the dark he just has eyes floating in the shadows
he uses an item he got from the majik shop and sees himself surrounded by beasts
I assume he kung fu fought em
hews picked up by "large marge" a trucker who tells a scary story
she turns her face into freaky Claymation to show what the victim in the accident looked like
after he's dropped off he sez she sent him
turns out large marge was the one in the accvident
he was picked up by her ghost
he has dinner but his wallets gone so he does dishes
the maid Is French but actually nice despite it
her and peewee go into a dinosaur thing to watch the sunrise
but her boyfriend follows
peewee and the frenchie talk about dreams
she wants to go to france
but her jealous bf is holding her back
this is actually pretty well done
her bf listens and thinks he's b0ning her
the next day the bf tries to kill pee wee with a big bone
hes trying to b0ne him
but peewee jumps on a train
he has a weird dream with Claymation
nowadays it would be cgi
and look cr-ppy
on the train he meets a hobo
they sing 1800s songs and peewee eventally gets sick of it
he jumps outta the train and is in texas
at the Alamo he goes on a tourguide tour
but after it he finds theres no basement
later the frenchie meets him and sez she broke up with her bf and is going to france
he calls dottie and sez hes sorry for being a p o s
dottie is played by e g daily
the voice of tommy from rugrats, buttercup from powerpuff girls and the chick who was half naked in valley girl
at the bus stop he runs into the bf again
after a chase he dresses up as a cowboy but gets pulled into a rodeo and gets tossed around
the bf gets xhased away by a bull and peewee is dragged off to saftey
I notice the bf looks a bit like mr Edwards from little house on the prarie
pee wee then goes into a bar to use the phone but the biker gang who dominates the bar has issue
esp when he accidentally knocks over their bikes
they're gonna ice him but 1 biker chick(played by Elvira; mistress of the dark) wants to b0ne him
peewee uses his last request to dance to the song tequila
this wins over the bikers and they love him
he rides off but runs into a sign and in the hospital has a freaky nightmare of evil clowns
so that's wjhere tim burton got the joker
and the MIRROR scene in batman
and the arches/checkerboard floor in beertlehjuice
also the buike is lowered into a burning cauldren
like mj in spiderman vs the kingpin
when peewee wakes up he sees his bike on tv gives to a child star
he goes to the WB studio and findsthe kid who has his bike is a butthole
but he plays a good kid
so peewee dressed as a nun takes his bike back
I thought he was jewish
then theres an epic chase across the wb lot
his bike has several super powers
what is this? the mock 5 from speed racer??
this really IS da best bike in za warudo!
they bust through several movies being filmed
including a Christmas movie
I thought he was jewish
and a Japanese Godzilla film somehow bering filmed in California by wb
kinda predicting the 2014 godzuilla
oh and twisted sister playing a music video
I love this movie
when im really watchin it im smiling through most of it
wtf his bike has rocket boosters
he finds a burning petstore and saves the pets
wtf theres a chimp in the pet store
they sell chimps?!
man the 80s were awesome
although chimps are very dangerous
later he meets with the wb head and is offered a movie deal to use his story
he gets his bike back and later goes to the drive in with dottie to see his movie premier
also most of the characters from his adventure make one last cameo at the premier
the movie has james brolin as "pw herman" and morgan Fairchild as dottie
also theres ninjas and soviets and the bike is called the "x-1"
peewee himself has a cameo and hes pretty awful
also his voice is dubbed over
as a kid I thought that's just how he acted in movies
but pee wee and his droogs love it guv nuh
fransis claims he was the one who taught peewee how to ride a bike and is peewees blood brother
when he sits on the bke peewee uses the ejector seat and fransis flies
peewee and dottie leave to b0ne instead of finishing watching the movie
peewee sez; I don't have to see it dottie, I lived it!
thr end
what a great film
I loved it
one of the better burtons
and its mostly clean
kids can see it but so can adults
btw, fransis is really good at being the villain
deliciously evil
I hear he played gacy in one movie
hope he does more stuff
he's pretty good
for peewees buig adventure 2 I'd like for the French chick's ex bf to return with cyber parts and be hunting down peewee for revenge. also large marge returns as a ghost and becomes ghost armor for peewee to fight him. and fransis is revealed to be the one who payed for the bf's cyber upgrades. also the magic shop guy has an epic battle of science vs magic with the cyber bf and dottie is really really pregnant with peewees kid and has gained a lot of weight.

Thursday, May 5, 2016

A Bucket Of Blood Review

note; my typing is cr=-p alicious
a bucket of blood
this is my revuiew on a bucket of blood
it starts with a beatnik saying a bad poem in a offee house
good music though
its widescreen!
find da cure!
after the poem the main guy's boss busts his a55 over him looking at a drawing for a few secs
then a guy calls in to a cop and I think hes underxcover looking for druggies
the bad poem guy sez he never says the same thing 2x, not even his poems
he also bashes men in the service
what a p o s
my great grampa's fought for Austria in ww1
the main guy says poetry to some rich people and they like him but his boss busts his a55
on his way home he sees a couple making out in a convertible
I assume they were b0ning in the Japanese version
the guy goes mental at him for looking
don't show it off if u dont want it seen
at home he starts making something out of clay
but he s-cked at it
plus a lot of things add up and stress him
a cat gets stuck in a wall and when he tries to cut it out he shanked it by mistake
he feels bad about it
once I accidentally stepped on a spider and felt guilty
but spiders are cool
like daem'ons
he covers the cat in clay cuz of inspiration from the beatnik poem from b4
he brings it to the coffee house and its pretty good
the movie tries to make it look like his stuff is good only cuz he traced real stuff
but he gets expression and feels down so its more than just tracing
the cat is put  up in display
the poem reader from the start loves it and declares him to be an artist and genious
his boss gives him the night off and a fan gives him an item
at home a cop comes by and tries to book him for having heroin
the cop pulls a gun on him and the main guy busts his head open like a watermelon with a pan
after calming the landlady about the noise, he starts mopping up the cops blood(which is pouring out like a sink(which means he must've really smashed his skull apart)) he gets an idea
meanwhile a guy damages the cat and sees fur coming out
later at the coffee house is a guy singing about a murderer going down
also a guy wants the cat statue for up to 500$$
the main guy sez his next art is called "murdered man"
he brings a chick and a guy to his place to show him it and its got its head split openlike in Hokuto no ken/fist of the north star
they love it
'oh, the guy is his boss
ansd hes nervous cuz he knows the main guy is building around corpses
but he wants the main guy to have an art show with his awful works
later the main guy is accepting his new role as a art hero
this blonde chick in a tim burton ish shirt comes in and wants to model 4 him
the beatniks want him to do nudes
aint a real artist unless u do nudes, they say
guess that makes go nagai, toshio maeda, and masami obari real artists
she p-sses him off and they clash
later he gets her to come by for nude modeling
we never even see her big b00bs
just her back
he strangles her with a scarf
later he goes to the place the beatniks are squatting in and they are eating hippie non gluten non carb non food
he shes em his new "art" and they love it
te poem guy makes a new poem for him and says it at the coffee house
his pome references necromance and killing
I just realized that the curvy blonde bit it in here
just like paris Hilton in house of wax
or the chick in psycho
but I think this came 1st
while drunk he enjoys being seen as a hero and wants to make a lotta more statues
he then saws off a guy's head to make more art
he brings in this head of clay the next day and his boss feels responsible
but the main guy cant stop cuz he don't wannna go back to being a bus boy
later he tries asking a girl out and sez he wants to marry her and stop making statues
she was the only one nice to him and hes gay 4 her
but she only was nice to him cuz she liked his art
the main guy don't take this well
he wants to make a statue of her
at the art show, she finds a piece of the blonde is off and theres human skin under it
the main guy tries to get to to accept it but she runs
the other guys at the show find out and go after him
as the main guy runs he hears the voices of those he iced
he cant take it and goes home
good thing this is about to end
I gotta take a big black strawberry marshmallow dump!
when they get to him they find he hung himself and smeared clay on himself
the end
for a bucket of blood 2 I'd like for the art to have gone on to have inspired a cult that abducts people and either makes them artists, or art, based on the dead artists works in the 1st film. also the poem guy with the beard from the 1st film is their leader who also tries to control the weather with human sacrifices and when anything happens with the weather, he says "its cuz of meeee!!" and anyone who disagrees is ritual sacrificed to control the weather.