Saturday, May 28, 2022

Woman In The Moon Review

 Note: I spell like Sailor Moon

Womrn ib thwe moon

Rgisa is my review on Woman In The Moon from 1929 (100 years before the 2nd Robotech War)

Its directed by Fritz Land who did Dr. Mabuse the Gambler, Metropolis, )The Testament of Dr. Mabuse, Scarlet Street and other good ones

Its wrote by his woman Thea von Harbou who wrote Dr. Mabuse the Gambler, Metropolis and The Testament of Dr. Mabuse

Oroginally Metyropilis was gonna have em going to da moon but they used it for this movie

It was made wiith help of those in Germany who went on to work on the alleged moon landing in America after the war

i never saw this but i herd itsa  good

its onbe of the 1st srs sci fi things and got a lot about rockets right

it stars Klaus Pohl from Dr Mabuse 1 i mean 2, Gustav von Wangenheim fromnosferatu, Fritz Rasp from Metropilis, Karl Platen fropm Dr Manuse 1 and 2, Heinrich Gotho from dr mabuse 1 and 2  and metropolis, and a buncha 1800s guys i never saaw in nything

so after logos and credits for like 3 mins, we get text sayiong "never don'ty exist, only, not yet"

like n the 1st one piece opening; that lregendary place, that tthe end of thre map reveals, is only legendary, til someone proves it real

then we get this papwer about a dr and this guy throws a guy down the staris but he dont go off his feet

another guy comes up and the throwewr sez he lived there 30 years and the thrown comes to buy his manuscript

thrower throwes the throen hat and it lasnds on the light and the other light pops for some reason

so the thrower is spazzing out and the guest wants to have dinner with him

thrower is a professor and prof gives him some money for bread and 1 is the others only friend

prof uses books to fake being a chaires missing leg and friend eats breadwith buter but shares it with prof ad prof has wine, which will probably desrtroy his brains

after sevewral mins of dinner, prof has walls with drawings and papers on it and we getta flasg back to 96 whhere this nerd sez the moon has more gold than earth in its rocks

Why not use lunar titasnuim? aka; gundanium!

so he wants to go 2 da moon but the nerds laugh like they're ret-rded and when hew imnsuul;ts em for it; they all spazz out

so now hes in this dump and has a globe of da moon and friend sez he wants to go to the moon with him and prof is happy to tears

butits revealed frienmds freind wont copme and we see f f with a blonde chick as this doorbell keeps ringing qands he goes

i think the blonde is his future wife and she has a ring frpm him abd se gets a letter from friend 1 who sez he cant come to ttheir engagement and shes bunned

also friend of friuend is called hans anmd sghe kiulles him i mean kisses him

as prof and friend smoke, friernd sez no one knows his choicew but prof sez the guy he threw knows as do others

prrof sez 3 niGHTS ago this guy broke in his window and tried to jack his notes that he had right by the window

so he hid em under his pillow and  now he brings em out to show his friend

prof things its cuz of his moon gold theory so he gives the friend his manusxcrupt of his work to hide in his safe at home

after seeing out his only friend, he comes back and eats them putsa a bit out for his mouse room mate

in the car, homie reads a note from hans thsat the blonde is gonnas marry him and homie is invited and he rips it up and throws it out da window

at a stop a flower girl givbres hgim flowers and flirts with homie and then we see 2 guys sneaking in this white room


THE GUY COMES IN ANYWAY  AND AS HE TALKS, THE 2 OTHERS SNEAK IN as the note hes got sez it must be delivered in person

the 2 guys sneak around as maiid cleans or cooks or w/e and when the cab pulls up with homie, he's out cold and the driver checks on him

this kid banks on the door and tells the maid and then slides down the arm rail like its mr deeds with adam sodom sandler

when maid gets down, homie is up but the manuscript is gone and he starts coming up the elebvator but the 2 guys are carrying out his cr-p

the teddy roosevelt looking c-ck sucker with the note is styill there and gives him the card ands homie calls  on the phone but it does jack sh-t

he reads a note from ans asking to give this guy work and goes off to the cops as nmesseger looks oiuty the winbdow

this kid reads a book from nick carter, not the boy band guy, about sci fi comics and homie tries to find whart happened in the phone as maid dont recall when it was last used

i think homie only sent someone to sda cops

he finds a metal thing and chex his safe as the kid and this possible cop chasde a car

in his safe he finds its empty and maid sez the man sent by the hans came by but she didn't leave

homie goes to a neighbor to use his phone and we see hans and blonde having a smmoke and at this phgone os this hewrmaphgrodite looking blonde

a foreman of homies work is at te party hanns is having his fiture wife engagement and eventually hermaphrodite gives hans thephgone call where he sez he don't lknow of any note guy

homie onvites hans over and his blonde fiuuture wife goes on da phone but homie dont talk aND later hans meets homie, waiit, its not hans, its a guy called turner

i think its the guy who was thrown down the stairs at the start and he sez he knows of the hans and gf coming

the turner wants homie to not calll the cops and shows hom the car the driver drove him in being retiurned

aparently, the cop guy was his driver and the car was jacked and driver ran after it all this ttime as he has unlimited ki and can chase a car for hours on foot

the turner then fixes homies phonbe and homie tells driver not to go to da cops

turner f's with his face and hair and tuirned into a different person but sometimes looks like that italiano daemon worker who makes vaccines, then turns back

homie sez turner evaded priison and turner sez the 5 richest wanna keeop da gold reserve undrrt their control

then we see guys working on a model rocket and 1 guy sez homie once sent an unmannned test rocket to da moon to proove it can do it

it blew on impact and was visible rom da urth, then the guys show footage from the rocket of what it looks like and a smalll animation of the eartrh and moon grabity zonesand now it needs to go 11 200 meters per secxond

is that a lot? i dont do the metric system, i use REAL numbers

it took 36 hours to go 40 000 kilometers and when it hot da moon it looks like a swarm of bugs to this jamacia astyronomoier

the cxamera sees the dark side of da moon and its got weird plaines of stuiff on it that might be life

1 rixchie wants the moons riches in the hands of businbessmen AND another sea his goon is seeing homie abnout it

the turner sez turner can go under their command or not art all and if he doont agree in 5 mins, then hgomies hanger and spacxe shjip will get wrecked

and if he wacks trurner it wiont stop it but turner will go with them to the moon so homie sez hes not gonna colonize the moon with criminals

but then wants 24 hours to think it over and turner walks out

he runs to dadoor and finds hans and gf and thery come in and he tells em of what happened with dissolving imagies of the book, the flowers, the safe and otrher things

homie sez he has back up copies in his desk, wait i think hans sez that, and when gf asks "you sure" hans runs out

gf has a smoke and asks why hew didsnt tell em hes going to da moon and she sez aftyter all the time they worked together, will he lie now?

homie is nervous and sez he wanted tto not make hans choose between his love and his work

she sez hans and her will come too and homie brings up how others tried to go to da moon b4 and went to h e double sooviet england

homie dont want her in danger and hsans comes back all spazzed out and gf sez homke is gooing to da moon and he invites gf and smnoochers her in fronbt of homie as he looks on thinking "it should be me with my tongue in her mouth"

btw homies name is helius like helium but i call hom homie

so later these guys arte gonna blow the rovket in 24 hours then the 24 hour deadline ended 61 ins ago

something blerw and homie and hans find out and the turner sez its just a thing on his offer and not important

but next time it'll ice people and after thar, end the ship

hans attacks the turner but gets slugged out andhans goes all italiano

turner sez if he agrees, then all his stolen cr-p will be returned 

homie looks at trhe turner and ten we see hjom,ie getting ready to take off the space ship

theres a big a55 moving platform of metal andgoodf music like a  ps1 game or the final countdown by europe

b4 they are gona take off, homie trys to get em to quit as itys risky boots but they stay on

sso the whole wor;ds watchinmg and as its tooo light to stanbt on its own, its partly in the water of a basin

So from launch until threy reach 11 200 meters per second, there's 8 mins where the speed might kill them  aand it'll feel the g's

didnt getter robo ref this with the getter vehicles being too much fior normal; m\humans to take?

so if they don't hold the speed, they might be lost in space like that 60s show, 90s movie or netflix remake

but there is a lever to pull in case that happens whguch they dont say what it is but i think blows it

so eventually they get into their beds and i think prof is there and theres a 10 second count down ending with NOW and they fire off

the rocket has levels and the lever he pulled is the thing that turns it on and offand the guys inin their banana hammocks are breathing f'd

they dump tthe used rocket segments but hanms is dead or something and cant and homiehas to flip a switch to do it

who have it bend up to turn on?! if ur going high gravity then have it going down to activate makes sense as you dont gotta fight high zG force!

so as he gets too 11 200 atk points he pulls the level back and turns the g's off

so later prof wakes up and his peret mouse is there and somehow survived high g's in the cage and he looks around and checks the other crew

homie iis up and he checks gf and shes ok and prof checks turner with shadows of loops that look like a noose on the wall

haans is ok and is overjhoyed to be with gf and homie cgecks on turner who prtof thinks might have bit it

imagine if he b0ned his body as punishment?

but turner is alive and they dont finish him even though hes the bsad guy and probably gonna turn on emnm

gf suggests getting brandy but finds something in da carho hold and it turns out to be the kid frm b4

so they give him brandy to destroy his brsain ands tract and hes ok

he devoted his whole life to moon research and by that he means reading nick carter comics

seeing 1 comic pag ofa guy parachuting to earth makes gf wanna see da urth and they l;ook out da window at it

so they see the sun rise from behind da earth and look toward da moon

oh and tthe ship is named after the gf, the german word for piece i mean peace: Friede

so they turn the ships dark side to the sun to eat heat and turn off the jets so they go weightless

they have foot loops on da floor to eepp them from floating and kid jumps to skup clombing the ladder

hans pulls on tthe kid and hhe holds the rail but lets go so i'm not sure how they did that

fd i mean gf and hans try to put drink in a ciup but no grabity means they cant turn it, so he swinbgs it and the globs float and he picks it up with a glass

at 9000 km the moon gravity kicks in and they turn the jets to turn on tthe g's and land on the ffar side of the moon

as eartth goes down behind it we see the surface turning and its cool

hans dont want em to land as hes afraid anmmnd he yells at prof

homie comes down and it was hium with kid at 1st, nt hans and as they lower, prof is spazzing out

they close the window hatchres and as they lower the camera shakres and we see em spazzing around

kid opens the window and prof looks and they use full brake power somehow and slamm into the moon with a huge dust poof

hans wants to fix the ignition cable and prof wants to test the air to see if we can breathe it

turner is checking his leg and prof goews near hiom and hans wants to get poff da moon as soon as the ship is fixed but gf dont want him to betray homie

they see a busted thing and ans sez now they gotta bring them back but homie wants to find water witrh a dowsing rod

so they check the air sample and prof is going out in a diving suit but homie sez if there no breathable atmosphere they're f;d

so prof goes out andf lights matches enev thouigh if its goit the wriong mixture, the whole moon could blow

he takes off his helmet anmd runs around like a maniac and has a dowsing rod

he goes off ollowing it and homie and kid go out and the music is pretty epic and mysterious

gf andd hans come out andhans want to find wayter wwait, he wants to fix the shiop and homie wants to fuind water

turner volunteers toi find water and prof andf they trust him even though hes clearly evil, and prof left tracks on the moon dust that any idiot can follow

gf films a video on the moon even though light is different uop there and might not work

nah i just made thar up

so kid writes for the shjhips log even though hes a grade schooler and probably prints in al;l capitals like me and gf treats hopmies hand thats wounded somehow

they havev a soft peaceful toucbning moment of holding hands and looking intoi each others eyes and he puts his head on her hand

eventually main guy goos ooy too look foor prof and kid gives homie a snack ffrom gf and trhey go together

prof finds bubbling liquid  and goes through a cave and finds gold

he yells it clud and we geta cool effect of da worrd going over the scren

tuurner i thgink follows him and prof grabs a piece of gold and walks backwards like a dink and falls off a cliff

turmer piuills off goild and puts some in bags  then co,mes out and hides as homie and kid come in da cave, b4 running bavl

btw, how did prof know thew moon had gold on the side we cant see?

so kid and homie find where prof fell and throw a flare in it that fall far

turner returns to the ship and hans confontshim but when hans turns his back, turned clubs him with gold and ties him up

gf coomes out andturner is holding hans mouth closed and as she walks off, turnwr runs and hans yells tio not let turner in the ship

\she gets in b4 turner andv hold the door as turner pulls on itand locks it with her arm through the loopp like the carbon rod in the simpsons

kid and homie come back and find hans tied up anbd homie goes in and fights the turner in the doorwaty

they fall out but the ladder lightens the fall and kid unties hans as turner strangles homie on the moon like withblack zarak and god ginrai in transformes super god mastyerforce

turner pulls a gun and so does hans and turner bites it as gf ciomforts him

homie asks if theres anyone on earth to give his last words to and he sez no

hans checks the ship and turner hit the oxygen comntainers with his bullet

shouldnt it blow from that?

btw the scienmntisat staying in a cave the moon was dones in 1st menn in the moon by h g welles

so as they lost half the oxygen, one of wem has to stay behid on the moon

cut off a finger to saver the hand

hans freaks out and blameshomie andf everyone who listened to him

didn't dxynamote rip this off with the cave iin and 1 has to blow to save the other 2?

so threy play a game where gf has 2 straws and whoever pulls the small one 2x stays

round 1 hans gets the bad 1 and he looks kinda like mussolini with haiir

round 2 homie gets the small one cusz we gotta boost tension

for round 3, hans is freaking out and has homie draw  and homie wins

synchro suimmon: Archfiernd Warrior in Attack Mode!

so hans gores off to die on the moon andd kid brings stuiff for him to have there

gf offers toi stay with him on the moon  and as maiin gjy makes drinkss he puts some fluid in it and gives it togf and hans

so after a swig the kid comes in and sez the base camp is ready and hans lays downbn

homie tells kid to guide the rocket back and homie will stay on the moon so the couple can be in love

the shock will wake up the sleeping hanns and gf who'll take over the mission

homie wroites a notte saying he hopes hans will come get him laster andvhas an emotional hug with the kid wjo looks up to him like a hero

really good music and feels here

so homie goes off and kid closes the door and launches the shup

homie is stunned and his realization and its sorta like eric von stroheims greed with him on this wasteland

then we see gf stayed behind and they hug to wonderous music

the end

That was quite good

I only knew it was about a moon thing and didn't expect the chaRACTER Story

good twists aND style and effects and its gotgot good music

its silent, black and White and fullscreen so its got the good stuff

its like 3 hours aLMOST AND DOESNT FEEL LIKE IT, BUT ALSO YOU DON'T WANNA FAST FORWARD AS ITS actually well made and holds your attention

Lillian Gish said silent films were becomes an art forme b4 talklies came in and ruined em

thisd being one of the later siulents shows they were great even afdtrer sound came in

i liked this one and it holds up

frotyz lang amd his woman have done it agfain

also the moon shot reminds me of Things To Come which h g welles maDE as he didn't ;like metropolis

Oh and the love triangle with the 2 guys and a girl was like Robotech

Forr Woman In The Moon  2 i want it to be the 50s and they made moon bases on there but some of the teens there hear stories of the couple left on the moon and go looking for em, but then they find on a hidden area in there, a underground city withdevolved people, turns out; its the kids of the couple who have devolved from eating moon rocks and they were living here for the last few decades. also its an 8 bit sorta rpg thing  on master syster, game gear, nes, gameboy, tg16, atari lynx and7800 where you play as this teen and walk around talking to tthese devolved moon people, but there's no fights and its more of a text adventure wuith graphics like Nadia The Secret Of Blue Water Sega on Genesis

Wednesday, May 25, 2022

The Golem How He Came Into The World Review

 Notye: I spell El Hebrew Senior

The Golem How He Came Into The World

This is my review on The Golem How He Came Into The World from 1920 (a cerntuery beforeTransformers SDuper God Masterforce)

Its based oin a true story about eastern europe and is actually the 3rd movie in the Golem Triilogy, but takes place before the 1st 2

Sorta like with Castlevania how 1 started it,m 2 was different and 3 was a prequel

also this is the only one we know survioved 

its directal by Paul Wegener who did The Yogi, The Galley Slave and The Pied Piper of Hamelin

its also direcxted by Carl Boese who did nothing i saw, but iu didnt see anty of pauls other fulm,s either

It stars Paul Wegener from nothing ive seen, Ernst Deutsch from The Third Man, Greta Schroder from Nosgfeartu, and pretty much every one else i never saw in anuything else

So after title and xcredits with nice font, we get a Rabbi reading omens in the stars (which is actually evil if you read the Bible) he sees an omen that his people have danger comming

he lives in this crazy tim burton meets dr seuss doing drugs home with twisted and weird style

i love it and its awesome

so he goes to see anothert Rabbi and tells him to summon the elders to pray to The Lord all night to prevent a disaster

they do AND WE SEE EM PRAYING And doing theior p[trptoculture

but the gov proclaims they are tiored of their kind as they use black magic, lust forn property and killed Therr Savior

Spoiler: Jesus was Jewish and was the fulfilment of Jewish prophecies

Also it was the Romans and Pharasies who had Him iced, andd His 11st followers were Jewish like the 1st Pope Peter

however; a Rabbi sees that Venus is in the right place and he can do a Life Giving Word ffrom a daemon to save his people

Is this where Go Nagai got Devilman? A guy getting ddaemon powers to save his fam?

So this squire with the eedicts to send em out comes to the ghetto and the rabbni busts a cap in his a55

jk really he lets him in and the Rabbi starts f ing with clay in the shape of a man in his back room

The guy with the mresssage shows it to the leader oof the group who wwants him to meet the Rabbi with the powers

So after more clay grabbing, the messager gets to the Rabbi's place after going through this crazy european town with thast German Expressionist coolness

btw this is the 1500s aROUND THE CAstlevania days

so rabbi comes out of his man cave and meets the messenger and RABBI sez he did the Emperotrs Horrorscope and 2x warmed him of danger and now has a secret mezxsage for him

spoiler; horrorscopersd are black magiuc and are not to be used

son Rabbi's daughter comes in and messeger likes her

later its time to do thespell and rabbi moves this human sized pile of clay like hes Pan from DBGT

he comesa out andgets his slave or w/. to help him with his ritual while the messebger is coming onto the rabbi'sd daiughter

they put their hands on each orthers chests to feel the hneartbeat and nort her b00bs

i thiunk in the real versionm they were b0ning

sorabbi and slave bring der golem up and when he comes down they jump up so he dont knowe they were hearting

messernger hasca mesasage saying the emperor will see him as he helped the emperor and wants to see his magic

after mesenger leavers, rabbi strangles his daughjter a bit and sez she'll have a guardian as i guess he caught em j-rkin off

then we ghet an overview of the Golem how its made 1st by a thesselonian sorcerer with a life word o its chest in an amulet

they read of a daemon that guards the life giving word that awakens corpses or man creation with a Solomonb Key and can make the daemon do it with the great spell during the comstellation

so Rabbi puts a paper in this 5 pointed star then uses a rod to draw in the air and a circle around him summons steam

he uses a wood pentagram and fireballs move around and he asks the daemon to name the worfd

we see this floatiing head with smokew comingh out of its mouth and looks like an al ien and he has it say the word

after some lightening and the smoke ritual ends and hes back outta h-ll and has the word

he writes it on paper and puts it in the star and puts it on the golem

it comes to life and walks kinda goofy and has bnig white eyes that stand out and the Rbbi turns it off by remoivingh the star

Hih, in Power Rangers cLighhtspeed Rescue, the daemopns have the Star Power as a 5 point star on the chest\

so der golem is chopping wood like an indentured saervant in thjis f--k town and dresses a bit like Count Orlock

rabbi tells his daughyter its his new servant and he sendsx it out wioth his slave or aSSIstan por ww/e for an errand

it walks through town and the people dfreak out and it goes grocery shopping

its like in the simpsobnsd with krustys golem in that halloween thing

assistant slkavesez its the rabbis servant whos mute and will help him

so messenger gets some gold from, some hole in a doors a55 and back holm the assistant has some fun with the golem

imagine if he made the golem suck his d0ng?

btw the rabbi and emperor wewre real people and the emperor was intoi the occult and trying to fined the philosoiphers stone like f==kjin edward elric

huh, the Rabbi who made Der Golem was a real guy and was into wicked teachings from fallen angels as well as splicing them into regular Torah things

so assistasnmt slAVE GETS the golem to pill a lever to fan the fire anmd it does it too much as its made yesterday

rabbi tells them the emperer invoted him and hes bringinmg der golem

after rabbi goes, his daughter is seeing a guy andf then its the festival of roses and messenger sneaks out and sends a letter to daughter

hes gonna run off with her and tells her to have a lamp in her window

so rabbi meets emperwer and shows his big hard golem  thats not missing anyt pieces and the peoople fear it

the chicks seem into him and givbe him flowers but when he touches 1 chicks hair they al flee

it smells a flower and a bug lands on its hair

the emperer is impressed and wants more black magic and he is gonna show em his peoples protoculture, but they cant talk or laugh or danger will happen

so messenger comes to rabbis poolace and as assdistant slave s aslewep, he meets the giel and they goo in

raBBBI uses his yiddish majic to show a hologram of the history of his people crossing the desert and one of them is the Wandering Jew

the people laugh for some reason and wanderer comes toewward the people from the illusion and the illusion comes apart

the castlestarts comming apart and the people flee as they jump out windows

the emperer sez if rabbi saves them he'd pardon his people and rabbi summons gogogo golem who holds up the celing as it bends on him with perople hiding around it

later rabbi and golem come homne and i guess the emperor just lives down the street as his daughter is in bed with the messenger

they come through ther big a55 gate like king kong and its day now and trabbi sez to spread word they have been pardoned

so rabbi and golem come home to their beetlerjuice house and daughter and messenger try to get out

rabbi tries to take off the star to turn off der golem but it resists aND RAISES ITS HAND TO SMITE HIM\

rabbi quickly takes it andthe golenm fals ovver

then the Shofar is blown and the people gather to hear the rabbi got them pardoned for all the stuff that people hate em for

so did they really do all that stuf? is this like weinbstein and woody allen and roman polanski and the msajority of hollywood power players who do acts of sin?

rabbi then reads more about the golem from his spell book and finds when Uranus enters the other planets houses, the daemon he got the word from will reclaim the golem and turn on its master

probably shouldn't have made a pact with a daemon then

look at faust! or Sir Twardowski the Polish Faust

Note: uranus was not known to the people in the 1500s, but perhaps past civilizations did as stone henge has markings around it for the other planets in the solar system, including pluto so suck some d0ngs neil degrass tyson and soviet bill nye!

So rabnbi intendds to not turn the goilem back on and b4 he can take it apart, his slave comes in and sez the other Rabbi wants to take him to the Temple for thanks

ddaugter wants messenger to sneak away wghile hher dads at Temple and raBBI GOESA THROUGH THE TOWN IN A PARADE

A GUY THINks daughter hasnt heard the news and wait its slave and he wants to bring her roi Temple but he hears messengelato in there and spazzes out

he turns on der golemn whgo rises to life like count orlock and tells it to chase away the mabn in the chamber

btw this slave assisytant reminds of of the hunchback froim THE 30S frankenstein BUT A bity like cesaer from the cabinmet of dr caligari

it breaks in da door aND messenger trys shanking it but its clas and that has no effect

it grabs the girl but mesdsenger fights it and he runs off as it chases him after der golem dropsd her

slave gors back for der girl but she dont conszent and runs

dwer golem chasdes messenger to der roof and his knife got bent from the stabbing

on top of the building it throws him off and he bites it on ther ground i mean der groundon

so der goleme takes the girl and carrys her down like the creature from the blicketee blsack lagoon and the cabinet ofd dr caligari and seems to be into her

does der golem have der ding d0ng?

so slave tries to fight it but it grabs a flaming log and tris to club him like a seal

it drops the stick and the place goes up like its madxe of sawdust

meanwhile the people are in der Temple and praising The Lord but the slave comes inb and warns them the house burned down and the golem went nuts

its like ezra miller after years of chronic

so golem drags the daughter by her long braids and you cant spell brainds withot aids

the people want the rabbi to cast a fire spell which i assume means fire control spell

btw this is in fullscreen most of the time and has a tinting for the setting like blue for night or yellow ofr inside or red for fire

so the rabbis towewr goes down and the golem has the girl in a field and i think it wants to b0ne her with its play doh b0ner

it walks off and i think wants a c0nd0m and rabbi finds her and has saved the people somehow

so slave sez he wont tell of the messenger in her bed as the fire got rid of all the evidence and der golemn goes tyo der gate to get out of the ghetto

he looks out and sees kids playing and busts through the gate as the kids flee

he meets this little blonde girl who he picks up and smiles at it

the kid pulls off his star and the golem falls off and the kid goes out ands brings her friends back toi look at it

the kid has this star with the unholy word and throwsa it away and the people in therte see the gate is broken and come out

they kids scatter and the people see the golem is off so they Praise The Lord for saving them

the people lifty up this man sized mound of clay and bringh it back in their area with good german expressionuism and the door closes like in The Cabimnet Of Dr Caligari

then we see a Hexagram wehich was said to have been used by King solomon to control daemons to build his oricalcum palace

the ned

i mean

the end

that was quite good

great effects and story

good filming and design

nice acting

it tells a good story and is based on actual events

it inspired frankenstein in the 30sz and a bunch of other films in the 20s 30s and beyond

its sorta got som,e robot  themes in here but those sci fi stories got it from this

hay, we can put mega man on the history channel now! its based on the golem which was based on real people!

but i liked this and its quite well done

theres not much action until near the end but its got a good slow burnb, sorta like halloween 001 or x men 001

the german expressionism is great and its got a good style and design

plus its public domain so its free to watch

for der golem 4 i want it to be the 30s and the secret ti making golems has been discovered and now golems are mass produced as slaves for the people, but some think the golems should have rights and use spells to grant them  more free will, but some golems were made bad and have glitches and go wild, so they make a team of super golems to take out the wild ones. also its a 16 bit game on sega genesis, snes, tg16, atari jaguar and gba where you play as a super golem and fight the wild ones and go on missions to take em on in a game style similar to Rent A Hero with doing missions and 2D battle screens.

Friday, May 20, 2022

The Rare Breed Review

 Note: I spell invbreed

The Rare Breed

This is mt reviuew on The Rare Breed fromn the distant futyre year of 1966(20 years b4 the Sega Master System and 40 Years befdorte Transformers Season 03 inb America)

Its based on the life of Col. John William Burgess a bit and is directed by Andrew V. McLaglen who did McLintock! and Chisum

It stassrs Jimmy Stewart from A lot of good films, Maureen O'Hara from Those John Wayne Films(And was a good woman weho didnt smoke or drink or do drugs or b0ne a lot of guys/girls/animals/plants/cars), Brian Keith from The Wind and the Lion and the 90s Spider Man, Juliet Mills from the sodomus Andi Mack, David Brian from How The West Was Won/Star Trek the GOOD series, Jack Elam from The Night of the Grizzly/The Cannonball Run/The Twilight Zone, Ben Johnson from Angel and the Badman/Red River/Mighty Joe Young/Shane/One-Eyed Jacks/Hang 'Em High/Chisum/The Last Picture Show/ the 90s Angels in the Outfield, Harry Carey Jr. from Red River/Gentlemen Prefer Blondes/The Searchers/Billy the Kid Versus Dracula/Big Jake/Gremlins 01/The 85 Mask/The Whales of August/Back to the Future, Part III/The Exorcist III, Perry Lopez from Death Wish 4: The Crackdown, Alan Caillou from Journey to the Center of the Earth and The Ice Pirates, Gregg Palmer from the Good Star TREK and Big Jake, and some 20s guys i never saw in anything

so after logos we get 1884 and a parade goes by or somethiuung to credits

theres lkike a rodeo and this guy called bulldog goes cow things and is jimmy sterwart

some brit chix find jimmy weird and have cows from england and jimmy meets his friend from b4 who here

maureen is a bri whos man got iced and hasx a blonde bnrit whos probably gonna bite it

i never saw this b4 and its colored and widescreened

they have 1 bit man cow a bullw/o horns and the cowboy sez its not good

maureen sez it has no fhorns from breedfinh (note; inbreedinG?!) and its on purtpose

jimmys friend is on crutches and a fight breaks out as this is a western

1 tewxas holds maureen to protect her but she elbows him in the gut and the hornless bull gets loose

jimmy tried to grab it but it has no horns and he falls off and the brits catch it

oh and the blonde is maureen jr

so the brits put the bull up for sale and maureen jr likes it and jr is worried it'll go to a butcher

what do you think cows are for?! burgers!

1 guy winns a bidding ar for 2000$ American Dollars and the guy who bought it wants jimmy to bring it to w/e

jimmy dont like him and quits and this moustachre guy wants jimmy to get him da bull for 1000$, which i think means hes gonna jack it

jimmy goes to the binner indder i mean winner and sz hes gonna do it for him and then maurewen comes in for a date with winner bidder

jimmy goes out and winner wants to b0ne her but she dont consent and its revealed he wants to sell mher bull for beef

she wants it used for breeding, which noiwadays means you gotta j=rk it off and pump the goo into female bulls womb

he sez hes the owner but she sez a condition of the sale weas him selling it for breeding and he dont care

oh yeah and this is one of the 1st films to use john williams music

so later jimmy is in the train with the cow and jr comes in after coming over the outside and she goes on about how the bull will be b0ning a lot of cows

jimmy is shocked a girl talks of breeding even though she grew up under a cattle brfeeder

also i did a lot of breeding, and inbreeding

in pokemon that is

jimmy trys movbing the bull but it dont go and she whisteles the brit song about God saving thequeen and it stands up

jimmy wont use biut noise and she goes off on the train and he follows and saves her when she falls

later the brits are on the train in night and maureen goes to see jimmy and thinks he was falling off when climbing the train

she wants to be freinwedly and he keeps trying to get her to go home as he sez its dangerous in dodge and he dont wanna be responsible for them

so she sez if he dont hel;p em, he'd be replaced and later its in dodge city whwere jimmy talks wioth the guys wanting the bull and he explains the brits paid 2000$ for it

also the jr hears and dont say anything about it

maureen and jr are there ad nimmy whistles for getting the bull to go and they wanna get the bull brought and jimnmy tries to buy time by sying they need supplies

later jr tells maureen that jimmy is gonna capture the cow and they otta go to the sherrif and jr uses american slang maureen dont get

maureen trusts the guy she did something about as hes an englaihman and jr saez; so was captainb idd

like when someoen says j fk or bi den or trudeau is catholic and i say; so weas gacy!

so jimmy talks with a guy hes working with and they get in a barfight and the brits come in and think jimmys not with em

jiommy slugs him and her flies into horns on a wall and gets shanked clean through

jk they fight and when the guy pulls a gun, maureen hits it out with her cane and bashes jimmy for slugging him for pulling a gun

jimnmy sez to meet at the next stop or w/e and the guy sez he sees what jimmy has to put up with

we're only 25% through?? thast went by fast!

so then they're in this field and riduing horsers a55es and in a cart and jr still suspectys jimmy

so on tyhe cart right maureen and jhimmy talk abouty the future of cows and the descendant of her hornless bull as jr sleeps on her bull

at nightits a campfiure and he sez how he got the nsme bulldog and a stray shot gets the coffee pot and the chix go to bed

jimmy goes off whistling to bering the cow and the 2 guys trying to get the cowtalk about how he fireds a shot

later, jr copnfronts jimmy over him trtying to swipe hornlesds and maureen wakes up and is p-ssed jr is accusing him

jimmy sez she misunderstood and she sez jimmys trying to win maureens heart

jimmy sez hes bringinmg hornmlerss to the guy she wants and they goo oof

in daylifght they get to a wire fence and jimmy chops it down with an axe and sez thwey arte leaving the guys land

the 2 guys think that jimmy isnty gonna give em the nill i mean bull and the uigly one caps the other one so he cvan get all the money

in this cabyon, jimmy comes by this guy bringing cowees he cjacked from a guyt he werked for i tyhgink and they have longh horns to go in ur a55

the ugly guy is up on the riocks and comes down and caps somnw guy and saernds thje cattle into a stampede

2 fist fights ands a stampede? Its like a western or something!

jimmy gets the briots to ruin the other way as the cows chase em AND now its jurasxsic park

the wagon f;lips and jimmy and friends hide uinder it as the cows run ovedr it, like the T Rex and the car in Jurassic Park!

After the stampede jimnmy carrys the cow theif and ugly guy has jimmy at gunpoint

he takes jimmys gun an want his money for the bull but jimmy dont got it somaureen gets out her purse

as he looks in, jummy rushes him and they fight so maureen gets the shotgun amnd makes em stop but ugmo gets away and jiummy folloews

jimmys gun f's out anmd the horses crash and ugmo is found breanally damagged with his head on a rock and a speck of blood

jimmy takes a big bite outta him and chews with his mouth open

jk he goes back ad maureen blames him fdor the ugmo gettibng it and the theif getting run over

wait, didnt the lion king do this?

jimmy goos oof and the brits bring the run over guy to thisd town for helpo

she meets the run over guys dad whos a scott and he dont care about his son and maureenslaps him and orders him to care for his busted son

then the guys grab the run over son and wiggle him around as they carry him out,m which would probablt f up his born and organs

later run over gun i mean guy is eating broith and wants to chew food

jr is clashing with him and whines about how no one makersd sense, which m,eans they'll fall in love and have40 babies, 1 after another, like a chain pregnany

maureen cpomes in and thery talk, then we see the scott and hisa drogs chasing a long weener horn bull and roping it

scot thinks the hornlerss wont last as it gets to likw -20 here and maureen thinks it can last long enough to breed

maureen sez her man bit it bringing the hornless here and goes off, oh and jimmys here

later run over guy isd sneaking solid food from, mexikids abnd jr comes by and talks

when he sez the bull isant a person, she gets triggered and goes off wirth it to bring it to the fields and let it free

jimmy talks wirth maureen about the hornless and sez sorry for lying


he trys tyo show hes hurt weirth a hug and thery smooch and shje sez she dont wannsa leave

but hes a scot and shes a brit! its like an invid breeding with a zentraedi!

so then it snowes and the scot has a hot bath in filthy water with a bottlew of booze

jimmy comes in and sezhes gonna fiund the hornless and scot sez to let it bite it and so he can marry maureen as shes focused on the bull

man that scott looks liker the duck dynsty guys

so jimmy and some dudes go out andss camt find it anmd jimmy teaches them the brit whitle and they go around doimng it

aftyer fiinding jack sh=-t the run over guy wants to go with em

jimmyy goos oot and shootrs away some wolves eating eating a long horn

imagine a long horn with a bunch of guys skewered on its horns?

like a stack on each side

so mAUREEN is teaching the mexikids to sing the brit song to be subserviant to the regent and trhery sings the america version after scottmo offers her tea

run over son sez he wanbts daD scvott TO fix of this sh-t hole place and then son and the britys go to ytea with the scot

scot comes dow in scot clothes but not a kilt and has shaved as hes in the regiment b4 and plays bagpipes

all these stereotypes, its racist against the irish!

maureen sez scotr wwas mean to his son and scot sez its cuz he had issues after his wife bit it

scot asks her to marry him and holy f this is texas? but theres blizzards!

a mexico comes in and sz jimmy is missing in the blizzard so trhey go out firing shotguns and wait i think its jimmy doing it too

they find him berrued in the snow and give him booze even though its bad for you and makes you lose heat and jimmy blacks out

the snow seems more like cocainum than snow anmd they bring him back andmaureen sez she thinks hortnless in in h e double burger king and she sez its ok as its longhorn country

jimmy hasn;'t given up on the hgortnless and believes in it and that there's gonna be crossbreeds soon

later its spring and a cow keels over ands jimmy caps it but later finds the hornless under some snow

jr sez she knew what to expect  asd longhorn cows bit it too and jimmy sez there can still be cows

I assumre trhat beef is frozen and can stiull be eaten

so then after jummy rides for a wehjile, we see this kid cow w/o hornes

later he chats with jr about howhornless might have lasted longer and they might stil be having baby cows

jr was asked to marry run over son but shhe dont wanna as it means maureen will maRRY EL SCOTTO

JIMMY SEZ THATS NOT HOW IT WORKS AND f u caps lock, suck my 7 inxch un cut double slavic weener

jimmy sez tio marry run over son and i aassume hes still got parts after being stomped

So later Maureen agrees to marry scotolingus in the fall and later jimmy is out riding and finds a cow that looks devolved like the one w/o hornes

he carrries it off as its long a55 horn mom follows to skewer him like Vlad nThe Impaler

jimmy shows it to maureen and scottly fist fights him for some reason as all westerns end in one

scotmus sez for jimmy to go on and later we see jimmy and masureen with the devolverd cows

jr whistles the brit song and none come but she sez she feels like the hornless is out there

which makes no sense as that cows dead and it only came whern you whistled as it was trained, not anything to do with its genbetics

The End

Oh yeah and the scott had scones and said it right! It rhymes with Bones, none Don's!

So easy, a scotsman can do it!

But yeah this was a good film

jimmy does well and so does maureen

good filming and style and editing

good acting and style

some parts were kinda fake but it didn't ruin the film

its got good pacing and don't drag

Its worth a look

I just realized that as the hornless was found frozen, they could have collected its spurm and used it for more breeding

For The Rare Breed 2 i want them to deal with their cows being mitilated by some unknown thing at night, so they go out and find its space sasquatches(not Wookies, well, maybe) doing it for ewxperiments and Maureen uses her Holy Cross Item to scare them off. then they have a battle agianst them with Water Baloons of Holy Water and Blessed Bullets. Also its a 16 bit action game like The Genesis Jurassic Park on Sega Geneis, Snes, TG16, Atari Jaguar and GBA where you play as Jimmy and Maureen and the daughter and the bf in up to 4 players going around run n gun fighting the space sasquatches. Also the Scot is a screen nuke where he goes in all scottish and clears the screen. Wait, make it a Run and Gun like Contra. No. A BVeat Em Up with Guns and Water Baloons like the Konami Aliens Game. Yeah, that would be cool.

Wednesday, May 18, 2022

Chisum Review

 Notew; i spell as real as Chisum is a ral word


This is my review on Chisum from the dsistant future year of 1970 (60 years beforfe the 2mnd Robotech war)

its diorected by Andrew V. McLaglen whon did McLintock!, 

it stars John Wayne from all these great films and once playting Genghis Khan, Ben Johnson from Angel and the Badman/Mighty Joe Young/One-Eyed Jacks/Hang 'Em High/Red River/The Last Picture Show/The Swarm/The Town That Dreaded Sundown/Red Dawn/Angels in the Outfield, Glenn Corbett from thev GOOD Star Trek/Big Jake, Andrew Prine from Rooster Cogburn/The Town That Dreaded Sundown Bruce Cabot from king kong/sundown/Angel and the Badman/McLintock!/The Green Berets/Big Jake, Patric Knowles friom The Charge of the Light Brigade/The Adventures of Robin Hood/The Wolf Man/From the Earth to the Moon, Richard Jaeckel fro, The Dirty Dozen/The Green Slime/Airplane II: The Sequel, John Agar froim Big Jake and the 70s king kong, Robert Donner fropm cool hand luke/High Plains Drifter/Little House on the Prairie, Ray Teal from The North Star/Samson and Delilah/Inherit the Wind/One-Eyed Jacks/Judgment at Nuremberg, Edward Faulkner from McLintock!/The Green Berets, Ron Soble from Al Capone, John Mitchum from High Plains Drifter/The Outlaw Josey Wales/Black Patch/Al Capone, Glenn Langan from the snake pit/The Andromeda Strain, Alan Baxter from Boy Slaves/Santa Fe Trail/Judgment at Nuremberg/Escape from the Planet of the Apes, William Bryant from Conquest of the Planet of the Apes, Pedro Armendariz Jr from The Mexican/Once Upon a Time in Mexico Christopher Mitchum from Big Jake/ Rocky 04, John Pickard from The Greatest Story Ever Told, Abraham Sofaer from Quo Vadis/The Greatest Story Ever Told, Gregg Palmer from Big Jake, Hank Worden from Stasgecoach/Angel and the Badman/Red River/The XSearchers/The Alamo/McLintock!/Beyond Tomorrow/Duel in the Sun/One-Eyed Jacks, and a buncha 1900s guys i never heard of or saaw in anything

i never saw this b4 but its john wayne and hes a bada55

after some logos wee egt a painting and a manly song about John Chisum

then a painting of a storm and its edited to lok like shj-ts going on

then a painting of a cattle drive and  indians attacking and when its a man on a horse on a hill, it turns real and its john wayne

btw this is widescreen and colored

some guy talks with him about things being different and how indians are staying out and things are safe

they ride down and then some mexicos come over  and find it belongs to chisum and gets paid

he goes to getta bonus from chisum and the guys who paid him say he hasn't met chusim yet

then the mexicos comes in and fire on chisums men with his cattle

so johm wayne chusym comes to town and gets word the mexcios attacked and heads back

chisum and his droogs track down the mexicos and he sez the stolen cows are his but mexico sez chisum didnt have enough men to stop him

mexico will sell chuisum his own property back but chuisum sez no and mexico tells him hes gonna kuill him and steal his horses

so mexico reaches for his gun and jhown weayne chusyuum and his droogs waste em

one of chisums men is billy the kid(spoiler; he lived well into the 50s as bushy bill)

at a bar chisum meets some other mexicoes and lets them water their sh-t with his water

it takes place ion new mexico even though 1 mexico was bad enough

what next? new england?!

1 guy is a neihbor of chuisum and chisum dont like him

alsoi 1 ex con is now sherruif

cvhisum meetys a chick whos his neive and she bought a horse for 100$ and she only had 50 on her so she got someone elses money

so theres a party going on soon and later chisum talks with the neive about how shes trying to do something and something about a navite warrior called wehite buffalo

its hard tyo follow cuz myu fat gf is spazzing out about some sh-t shes causing an issue woith

so later back door billy is confronted by somne dudes who 1 used to work with and billy implies he isnt a tyheif anymore

later its an 1800s dance party and chisums is there dressed lioke col sanders

chism's neice is into billy and they dance

imagine if she law caught himn and hes in jailk and gets b0ned by a few guys and she sees him and is like: ohhhhh billlyyyyyyyyyy!!

chisum talks with a guy after the guuy sup[illed burbon on him and he points out to chisum that his neivce is dancing with back door billy

in a camp outside is some guys and a man comes by with a shotgun

hes an ex buffalo hunter and the camp guys work for chissum and tyomorrowe work for the gov and 1 is pat garret

then in whats clewarly day but tinted to look night, some guys russel chusims cattle

the chiusmum men cautch 1 russler and chisum is ghonna sell the cows to the army later for burgers

chuisum is frtiendly with garret and garret sez neicve is pretty enuff to be from texaS, wehich she is from

they meet and gerret meets billy

the captured guy sez he wasnt russling and they were just out for a ruide and men opened firee on them

but 1 of chisums men is in h e double mexico and they get a judge to try him

1 guy is planning a big market thing for texas and wants chisums land so he can control things as chisum is giving away water for free to his neighbors

planning guy wants to print up wanted posters for the prisoner russler who he is gonna have escape

a store owner takes on thuis mexico from b4 who got water and billy blows out the guys la=mp saying hes gonna get him with the next one

turns out the store owner is raising his prices like trudeau or bi den is in office and chisum sez he might open his own thing

billys ex chum comments on how billy is still good with his guns

later chisum talks with the army guy ad the indians and oh the indian is white buffalo whos sent back to his reservation

1 soldier treis to rush white bufdfalo(wventhoguh his not white, like jack balck isnt black) but chisum defends white buffalo as he respects him and his status mas a prince

oh and i think the army passed over chisum's cows for other ones

the planning guy owns the back and offers army guy a thing

later neice chatsd with one of chsiums friends and later billy is reading The Holy Bible about Cain and Abel

he hears a sounbd and shoots this cactus and its freiwend and neice coming by

they talk about how Cain was the 1st murderer and there's been a lot since

why would someone name their kid cain?!

why not name ur kid after stalin or castro or gacy or ba rcok?!

1 guy is planning on hgoing and suggests chsum cuts off the water to his neighhbors

chisum and a guy join the guy gonna go in making a store

btw i recall seeing this but dont recall how it ends

but ive seen a number of john wayne films and they have a similar flow

like how power rangers always get out the megazord to fight the monster

or hallm ark movies end with the couple kissing

after a song wee see garret playing cards and chisum wants the shefrfdi to catch the escaped russler instead of playingh cards

I Synchro Summon; Hot Red Supernova Dragon in Attack Mode!

so the guys playing cards with garret were cheating and won

so billy is growing fonder for neice to a romantic song and i guess this is before or after he fought dracula

so chisum and some guys i think go out for supplies fo the nnew store and its taking a while

neice sez she heard that billy iced a guy as a kidf and more later but she dont buy it

wait; chisum didnt go

so later a guy comes back with the russler's body and hes a body hunter who weas crippled a but by billy bullet

later billy and garret talk about how gatter can read and billy is just learning

billy talks of his dark past and garret sez he smells death from bnilly

billy wants to be free of his smell and is told he needs time and patience and garret has it

later billys ex buddy and his goons attack and garret and friends fight back

as billy rives the wagon he gets capped and it tyurns in the water somehow and garret saves hm

billys gonna be ok as he just needs some rest and got treatment in time and chisums homies talk about what to do about the banker planner

chisum wants to fight it out but his homies get him to try it through the law asnd telling the higher ups

we're around 1/2 way through and it didnt feel like much

so the chiums store is doing better thasn the bad guys one and one of chiums partners comes by to check on billy

he tells billy hes gonna go to santa fe to do cr-p and billy wants to do sh-t but partner tells billy to not do bviolence and trusts him not to

he gives him a bible and sez "i'll see you soon" which means hes already dead, and wrote a note saying for Billy to seek the Law of The Lord

partner sez he knew a kid like billy who iced a guy and got the noose and he couldnt save him, so nbow hew tries to help others

so chiums friend sez this is gonna end with chisum facing off against the banker

later the ex billy buddfy comes by and puts someone elses brad on hthese cows and tyells the sherrif to do sh-t about it\

these deputys come to the partner and accuse him of branding othewrs cows and they cap himand leave him to rot in the trail, then plant a gun on him

thats a racist stereotype against cops! HATE CRIME!!

so laterthey have a service for partner and billy vows to avenge him

chusm complains to the sherruf but hes corrupt and a higher rank guy deputrizes chisum to bring the deputies in, dead or alivbe

the deputees say the guy they iced pulled a gun and the governer finds it hard to belivee but i think has to swallow it

chisumand his rangers come by a bar in mexico like every john wayne movie and confounbts a guy

he b--ch slaps him and goes up, beats a guy through a woodf door and off trhe railing to the floor a level below and takes him in

as they ride back the caught guy sez "i didnt do it, he did!" and chisum  sez how they are gonna hang for their crimes

nowadaysd we dont execute murderers anymore

we send em to jail to turn queer and b0ne other guys sent there for smaller crimes

billy comes by as the guys bring in the guys w/o chisum and backhands garret out, then caps both accused guys like hes samuel o j jaclson in a time to kill

he runs off and garret brings back the bodues and sez hes gonna forma  posse

then billy comes in and caps more guys as i guedss he went postal and rides out

to quite mc hawkings; all my shoortings be drive bys

banker gets the governor to take out the judge whos fair to chsium and blames chisum for biollys acts before president lisa hayes revoves his cr-p

the bounty hunter is brought in as the newe sherruf as billy iced the last one just now

ex judge wants to go to a higher power but by the time its reslved the banker will have all the sh-t in there

chiums sez if one of bankers men tries anything then chiums will face hima nbd when bamnker sez "dat shoundedf like a htrat" chisum sluhgs him and sez "its a fact!"

billy sees neice and sez hes gonna ice anyone who had anything to do with icing the guy who wwas nice to him and then gerret comes out with a gun

chisum comes out and brings billy over and sez bilyl just f'd everything up and he can't just murder anyone he dont like as his actions havce consequences that effect others

chisaum sez how he liked a girl in texas and he knew it was best to let her marry a girl who could make her happy

chsium wont turn him in but tells him not to come to his land and billy consents

weird to tyhink that john wayne was alive whjen nilly the kid was, until the 50s whenthe REAL billy got it

neice comes in and sez her mom made the right choice about not marrying john wayne as the girl he wqas trakliog about was her mom

bounty hunter beats up a different mexico and theres a wanted poster out for bushy bill

billy aND FRIENDS WATCH FROM A HIGHER PLACE as the searchers swarm around below and they are planning to nail the bankers bank and he plans to ice the banker

like president jackson taking on the soviet bamnmks and being a bada55

bounty hunter wants to get billy and the bamnker and his dinks come for a drink

garret is inyto neice and she talks of how in da past uncle chisum was a wild bada55 and was like billy

garret sez chsium dont let on but he cares of the people and billy only cares of revenge but billy i mean chisum wants justice

at night the billy comes intoi da banke and wait its the store and they wanna get dyno mite

thew storeowner wants to talk him outta it but nbilly wont hear it and bounty huinter senses billys ki weith his cripppled leg and attacks

the store owner and his wife are there and they all take cover

affter the shootings, billy asks to let the others out but sherrif bounty hunter don't let it happen or he'd ice anyone who comes out

then itsd daylight and pretty bright and billy knows they'll cap him if he comes out

the sherrif and his goons open fire and beiily takes no damage as the store is built to last unlike all the cr-p we got tioday

storekeeper asks to come out and his wife, wait, its just his wife and he wants to speak for the emn

wife gets out and goers to the other side and storekeep asks to let the army come to take em in

neither side consents and when storekeep wants to go out, the sherrif bounty hunter wonbt let anyone out unless they all throw out their guns, even though storekeep doesnt have anything to do with them

wife books it on a horse and gores to get chisum and banker has a barricade put up in da street

storewkeep lets the billy boy have the ket to the supply place and wife makes it to chisum and tells him

chisum sez itys tyime to do what he should have done 25 years ago and gets the guns and horses

so chiusm and his homies come riding in like the calvary in Stagecoach and at the shoot out the good guys are getting capped

storekeeper comes out to stop em and trhe bounty hunter shoots him in cold blood

and unlike with the news; this time the shot guy wasnt trying to kill the guy who shot him

the bankers guys try to torech the building and end up setting it on fire

as theres a barricade, chisum has a cattyle stampede bust through it and chisum and his crew come sin and cap the badds

man the towns getting f'd and guys jump into windows to escape the cows

a fire thing falls and catches the building, i think the bank,, and chsium busts in on his horse and fights banker

its like violence jack and mad saurus

billy goes in and capos his ex buddy and and chisum fights and falls from above from the top level;

banker gets skewered in some horns from a daemon i think asnd is in h e double england

billy goes off to find the bounty hunter who booked it

so garret becomes the new sherrif of the county and neice is garrets new woman

chisum is up on the hill how this event started and it plays the manly western song

the end

That was pretty good

nice bada55 cool manluy john wayne

good themes of redemption and what happens when one chooses the wrttong path

good music aND filming

its a SIOLID film, thar holds up abnd has good pacing and flow and dont drag

glad I saw it

For Chisum 2 I want the bankers brother to come back for revenge against John Wayne with a trivbe of sasquatch as grunts, so John Waybne gets his indiabn friends and battles against em. Its also an 8 bit Srpg like Shining Force on Sega Master System And Game Gear, Nes, Game Boy, TG16 Atari Lynx and 7800 where you play as either side and face the other over several levels of takking turns and moving pieces arounf the boasrd and leveling up.

Tuesday, May 17, 2022

A Time For Killing Review

 Note: I spell like samuel oj jackson, wait, wrong movie!

A Time For Killing

This isd my review on A Time For Killing from the distamnt future yeasr of 1997 i mean 1967 (40 years before transformwers sason 4)

Its directal by Phil Karlson who did Kansas City Confidernmtial, Ben and the 1st Walking Tall

But was partly dirtected by Roger Corman who did Day The World Ended, Attack of the Crab Monsters, Teenage Caveman, A Bucket Of Blood, The Wasp Woman, The Little Shop Of Horrors, Tghe Raven, X the man with X Ray Eyes, The Masque of the Red Death, The Tomb Of Ligeia and Frankenstein Unbound

This is based on the book The Southern Blade thast I never read

It stars ther lusty Glenn Ford from blackboard jungle and Superman 01, Paul Petersen from Dickie Roberts: Former Child Star (NOT the Human Smuggler), Timothy Carey from East of Eden, One-Eyed Jacks, Shock Treatment, Kenneth Tobey from The Thing from Another World, Airplane!, The Howling, Gremlins 01 and 02 and Big Top Pee Wee, Harrison Ford from sdtar wwars, indiana jones, and who supoports bi den and polaNSKI, Kay E. Kuter from Babe and Watermelon MaN, Dick Miller fr0m A Bucket of Blood/The Little Shop of Horrors/X: The Man with the X-ray Eyes/The Dirty Dozen/The Howling/Gremlins/The Terminator/Chopping Mall/Gremlins 2: The New Batch/Batman: Mask of the Phantasm/Pulp Fiction/Tales from the Crypt Presents: Demon Knight/Justice League Unlimited, Emile Meyer from blackboard junge (blicketee black!), The Man with the Golden Arm and More Dead Than Alive, George Hamilton from The Godfather Part III/Double Dragon/Rumor Has It, Max Baer Jr from The Beverly Hillbillies, Todd Armstrong from Jason and the Argonauts, Maxfield i mean Harry Dean Stanton from The Godfather Part II/Alien 01/Escape from New York/Christine/Red Dawn/Pretty In Pink/The Last Temptation of Christ/The Green Mile/The Avengers 01, and some other 1930s guys i never heard of

i never saw this bf but corman is usually good

ooh its fullscreen and colored

so we get credits with images and designs of Americas 2 flags;yankee and confederate

it plays a good song thats kinda nice and sorta don bluth

then we get a yankee camp where Condederate Americans are kept captiuve

If there was a 2nd Civil War I think The South would win, The South is a bunch of bada55es who shoot their own meat, and the north is a bunch of candya55es who are afraid of guns and meat!

they take a Confederate out and charge him with cr-p and the confederate refuses to stand and ytells the yankee off

hay its han solo, b4 disney f;'d hium

the head yankee wants to execute the Confederates but the good yankees dont consent

for accusations of attempting to escape and icing a guard, they shoot him up but the shots are cr-ppy as the soldiers hearts aint in it

fortd, being indiana jones, fires on him but ihe survicves so socviet glenn ford rides up and caps him

the southerners rise up and fight but 1 is shot and the rest stop

i notice most of the best civil war movies are for the Soputh

Gone with the Wind, Birth of a Nation, the Outlaw Josey Whales

head yankee glenn ford, porobably father of harrison, is the dad of the 1 chick in this movie and she came to see him but saw him ice that guy

she is a missionary and don't like him executing that teen and i think shges his gf not dauhgter

yeah they were gonna get married and the war came like in robotech

he sends her tyo another fort and mweanwhile, the southern prisoners talk about breaking out and plan to do something with the river

as gf gets ready to leave, she sees the men are sick and dont wanna go to the hospital as they fear its the end of em

she leaves the wood fortress made of MURDERED TREESa in a HATE CRIME agianst the planet! PLANT RIGHTS ARE HUMAN RIGHTS!

jk thats gay

so glennlord reads the southerners that the evil u s grant is taking over and areas and they will be sent out later

the southerners think he hgates em and he sez he dont

at night the confederates take down a guard and dress up a guy as 1 to stay behind and keepm  uip[ appearences but hes probably gonna bite it

they go around and get thinmgs ready and when its clearly daylight but tinted to look darker, 1 southernman says "rprison tyard alls well"

1 guy hinding in a hole shankes a yankee with a shovel and another guy throws a guard from ther tower

so the soutnerners jump in a hole in the floor and pull the door closed and the soldiers who stayed behind use the cannon on the base and cause chaos control

people running about, horses going apesh-t, and at the river, the escaped confederates get logs and make a raft

wtf is asploding on this base?! everythings going up in foireballs!

the confederates on the base get iced and the escaped ones go in the river on logs

later the yankees say they can't go after em as apachies are around and might attack and the higher up wants glan to ghet em even if the war is almost over

the escaped confederates chat and plan their next move and we see the tall rocks like skyscrapers in Metropolis  as the yankees come by escprting the blonde chick'

the yankees looking for the escpaed confederate americans say that indians pull out ur guts and tie em to a tree and make you walk til its all the way out, and intestyines aRE 30 FEET

sounds like mortal kombat or riki-oh

the yankees come by a confederate tied in a cross stance and the confederate sniper wastes the yankees and jethero chops upo a yabnkee offvscreen

they capture the blonde and being good southern gentlemen, treat lkadies with respect

she wants them to help a guy whgos not dead but they wont so she sez: then kill him!

so main confederate caps the guy as he was only following orders

they ride on(rhydon?) amnd the horses a55 she';s on breaks down so she rides with main dconfederate

ther hunter ynakees find the esacort iced and glenn sees they have his womnan

they find a grave and the glenn has em dig it up and its a confederate

1 yankee sez the condeferates wont harm her as theres no point and the yankees berry the dead

so the southerns go on and we get good scenary of rock things to the sky like the buildings in metropolis

they stop and blonde cleans her t-ts wiuth a water stream and the guys look

in the real version they were all j=rkin off and blasting her with their goos

so the guys joke around and jethro is not into chicks, just wasting people, like the asian in the crow city of angels

he fights a guy and the chick watches and her shirt is drw drspite watering it

maiin confederate drinks water and chick watches the jethro and the other guy laugh like idiots and beat on each other

eventusally she jacks a horse and tries to escape and tries to use a X Saber on a Confederate

shges caught and sez to ice her orn let her go as if he don't, she'd ice him next chance she gets

then they fiond the yankees are aftrer em andknew what they'd do b4 they started

he takes a kinfe, raises her dress and it gets tense

then he circimsizes her as he learned it from his slaves

jk he just cuts a putr of her inner dress off

head confederate has a guy stay behind andface the yankees to hold em up and he is gonna bring her along

so they go on and the confederates are a the top odf this hill and they ride down it to don bluth music

so the confederate americans get to this plaace and jethro caps a guy

so they put the blonde in a rooom in the back and she thinks main confederate wants to use her to ice glenn

she sez glenn was nice to confederate and a confederate sez head confederate is a nice guy that she dont believe it

1 confederate wants to go home but the other sez they have a duty to do as everyone wants to

then he sez the homie can go gome and he does

so in the bar, the southern boys pparty with mexican 5kanksa and were probably b0ning em in the REAL version

1 guy bickers with jethro and sez hesd just got pig fat between his ears, even though max baer is jewish

they break bottles and have a knife fight but 1 guy sez: "we almost home, boy! dis war almopsat over!" and head confederate sez "its never over even if it takes 1000 years"

so the yabnkees come by and the confederates sniper at em like the grassy knoll guy on the movie; kill the irishman

main guy locks himself in the room with chiuck and tells herthe note from the guy jethero capped had a note saying wars over

he beats on her and rips her dress a bit so we can see her back anmd shes not wearing as bra

he goes on about how like her, he never though this would happen, like him and this to his country and her humiliatuion is almosat over

then he goes toewartd her and it cuts to the snipers and 1 fakes being from misuri to get attention

a southern stands up like a dumba55 to hear and is saved by the other shoving him and taking the hit

he tells the unhit guy to go and the yankees end him

after getting past the skipers, the yankees go down the hill and get to the rest stoip with mexico 5kanks tending to the wounds of the blonde

she hugs the glenn and her dress is not ripped anymore and i think they implied the souythern guy b0ned her

the yankees say they foound the guy jethro capped and blonde comes out and lies by saying the confederates didnt take the note, so they can't go back and gotta keep chasing em

glen has his men go out and leave all trhe h00kers beind and at a stop, 2 guys talk about wanting to go home

they find a scarf from a confederate and its like they waNNA be caught

blonde wants glen to catch em at any cost but if confederates get to soviet mexico, they cant

glen dont wanna chase him over blondes honor and she eggs him on to do so

the yankees catch the soputhertns and they fire at eachother

jethro wants to fight on eventhough head confederate wants to go back and caps a teen yankee

teen yankee gets off and as a dearth scene to telkl thge glenn to stop em like ronald reagan saying "win 1 4 da gipper"

they chase the confederates and the confederates get to i think mexico and 1 thanks The Lord for their success and they pray

the yankees come for em even though they crossewd da boasrder and have no jurisdicxtion there and have a shootout

1 soldier tells glenn hes in mexico but is capped by a confederate

jethro is behind a southern and fires above his head to f with him

1 southern is snapping and takes out a fellow south

jethro faces a malcoontent southern and both cap each othe and jethro isd freaking out and goes into the yard and gets j fk'd

main confederate is going a bit mad and 1 of his men leaves as he's had enough

glen goes in and caps the head conffederate and chick comes in and sees head confed givwe the glenn the note he took froim the yankee sdsaying the war is over and he told her

he sez the wars over and bites it, but hes goinna be ok, he just needs some rest, theres a hospita plasnet nearby

glen walks out and so does blonde

the end

that was a good film

good writing, acting, story, style amnd character development

good style and feel and nice filming

its well made and holds up

plus the charascters all felt individual

glad io saw this one

corman does it again

For A Time For Killing 2 I want it to be about the confederate guy who went home and finding the unionites are oppressing his people and town during reconstruction, sdo he becomes a masked hero who goes around at night and takes out the worst unionites in the chain of command by working his way up and using an ancient holy lance from before Noah's Flood with ancient tech built into it that his fam found in the 1700s. Also its a 16 bit platform game like Castlevania on Sega Genesis, Snes, TG16, Atari Jaguar and GBA where you take on evil unionites and some of them have expewerimental pre-steampunk tech from ben franklin and are cursed and if overused; devolve the usewr into abominations like The Thing or Batman Beyond

Friday, May 13, 2022

The Rich Mans Wife Review

 Note: I spell like the rich make money, only bad

The Rich Man's Wife

This is my review on The Rich Man's Wife from the distant future year of 1996(110 years after i mean before Transformers season 1 i mean 3)

its diirectal by Amy Holden Jones who did The Slumber Party Massacre and wrote Mystic Pizza, Beethoven 01 and Indecent Proposal (But i never saw any of those)

It starsa Chuck Berry Jr: Halle Berry from Catwoman and The 90s Flintstones, Peter Greene from Pulp Fiction/The Mask/Training Day, Clive Owen from The Bourne Identity 01/Sin City 01/Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets, Christopher McDonald from Thelma & Louise//Happy Gilmore/Flubber/The Faculty/The Iron Giant/The Perfect Storm/Superhero Movie/Batman Beyond/Justice League Unlimited/Beware the Batman, Frankie Faison from Maximum Overdrive/Manhunter/Coming to America/Do the Right Thing/The Silence of the Lambs/Hannibal/Down to Earth/Red Dragon/White Chicks, Charles Hal lahan from The Thing/Pale Rider/Space Jam/Happy Days/M* A* S* H/Gargoyles, Clea Lewis from dOOGIE hOWSER/The Angry Beavers/SVU and Allan Rich from Eating Raoul/ Rocky IV/Happy Days

I never saw this b4 but its giving on Bounce and got bad reviews

aftwer a few logos and ittle we get a chick being unhandcuffed and arrewsted and filmed oin a video camera as her rights are read tio herr\

oh its hally baeey, she looked like jessica alba

she sez she waives her right to a lawyer and tells her story as she wantys to tlel the truth

nearly a 1 month ago in her husbands place she had a few fights with him andf a cr-ppy marriage and he cheeted on her like will smiths woman

that night husband was drinking and it made him do stooppid things and she figgered she'd do something against him and went to see anotyher guy to b0ne

but she was b0ned by her husbband who was b0ning a lot of others

this is how aids spreads

she sez her butt buddy was loaned money from he rhusband and wants to end their lusts with him behind her husbands back

later she goes back to her man and sez sorry and wants to try to fix their relationship and he wants her to be nice

she wants him to stop drinking as its bad for him and makes him do evil

good music btw

so he sez he'd try anbd she wants to go on a vacation but hes busy as its that time of the year

but he relents and they go to some plant filled place by plane and drive all night to some place but dont have a gatre key and gotta walk

he gets p-ssed at her for noty getting the key and in da cabin she makes drinks but hes still in bed

theres an empty booze bottle next to him and she finds it

the next day she's p-ssed and finds a small gun in thre drawer and plays with it but puts it away

later hes having work issues on his phone and shhe sez its best if he goes to work and she stays in the cabin

aat night she goes to a bar and sees a pool guy but goes backto the cabin or future

on the drive home her car f's out and shes in the woods

then a hig orange sasquatch come out with a 2 foot b0ner and startts making sounds like Daisuke Gouri in Fist of the North Star

jk a car coimes by and its pool man who offers her a ride home and guives her his coat

they get to her plasce andits raiining annd he offers to fix her car the next day

the next day he does so and wants dinnere in return but she sez shes married but he sh-ts on her manb for having a job that pays for the car

they go to da bar later and dancceand he feels her up and she goesback to the table for a smokeand food

he gets her to tell her life stoiry about running awayt and dropping outta huigh school and working at a grocery store and meetuing her husband who wanted to marry her on da 1st date

sshe loves him but pool guy tries trio turn hi=er against him by getting her toi ditch him and blaming husband for signing a pre nup so she don't jyuu half his dough

she falls for his temptaion and wishes he were dead even though he saved her from the slums

this is like how the feminazies turn good women into b--ches by making em hate the men who love them

pool guy offers to ice her husband for her and she wants to gp home but he's her ride and takes her home

on the way home he comes onto her and she dont consent and he turns off the headlights and dtyives fast to f with her

zhe turns on the lights but he jumps tthe road and goes around a circle in da wopods b4 going back on it and busting the game

at her place he tries going gacy/dahmer/albert fish/bruce macarthur/spACY but hetero and sghe gets insidde and lightly cuts his face with a bullet

rather than finish him off and save his future victims; she lets him go to butt sodom more girlsd like hes weinstein/woody allen/ron jeremy/polanski/the rwst of hollywood

then we get husbands b day and hes chaos number 41 in attack mode

they are getting along and hes sorry for blowing off their vacation for work and shes sorry too

he's bummed at his life going and how shes his only good thing and he wants em to get along

later main guy is out at a bank machine anbd its raiining asnd he sees a guy

he driives home amnd gets a call on his cellphone from hally whos makking dinnere  and he weants to take her out

then in the bacxk seat the pool guy comes out with a gun and makes him drive tosome pplace and when they get out he caps him

he's not dead and fights for a bit but runs and is by a playground but when pool guy mentions husbbasmnds wifge, hhusband fights back

but is iced by pool guy after taking a lot of shots like hes rasputin

at her plasce he gets in but she gets his gun but its empty and pool guy tells how he iced her husband

he sez hoe she wantef him to do it and the waitress will back him up and she denies it and calls the cops

he hangs up and sez tthey both go to jjail if she dont stand up for him\

the cops comer and she greets enm at and the station she sees a gheretto 5ksaank being taken away and freaks out to the little girls rooom

so the cops question her and she sez she don't know who might waNT TO ICE HIM

afterwards the cops talk and think if it were a real carjacjking the kiullewr wouldnt leave the car but 1 cop sez he might hasvebeen scared off by the alard

1 cop sez it might be this black guy seen in the aarea and black cop dont think so

black cop takes her home and lateer the news talks about how this wacking was in soviet los angelas as i think its the NON slum part of the start

her ex butt buddy comes by and offers to hewlp but she dont want him there and dont wwanna tell who iced her husband

but then tells him the whole story and the pool guy wants 30 000 defence points or hes gonna say she paid him to ice her msan

but if you pay him then it looks like you did it!

f--kin dumba55!

and why are you tewlling him?! thats 1 more variable that knows your secret and can use it on you!

so butt buddy comes by i mean goes home and pool guy is there and they know each other

pool guy cuts his b-lls off i mea his own hand and they say they need each other for this thing

he wwas meant to ice the husband in the abin and butt buddy can marry him i mean her and he cAN PAY POOL GUY


pool guy has a thing for the halle and butt buddy fights pool guy but is pinned

at the station a neuro surgeon is suing the statyion for saying lies on him

the cops look into the halle and tallk to a chick about photoes of hallle in poses and lingeree and she reveals her ex husband was b0ning halle and is broke

mrs buitt buddy tells da cops of the prenup and sez her ex butt buddy owes her money andthe cops never knew of this somehow

if it weren;'t for the unuion, we would have talent quotas so the cr-ppy cops couyldn't stay on and lower the average

halle finds her husbnnasnd didnt have a wiull and with red tape to sort out; she has to wait a year to get money

after da service the butt buddy's ex taunts butt buddy over him icing husband and the cops see butt budy check the glove box where the halle photoes were found

pool guy talks wit the halle and they see and they keep an eye on him

what if the poiol guy and the butt buddy were trhe same guy but different sides of his persona that comew out?

so then hakllle drivbes on to some place and its night there and she has an envelope and ppacks a gun

she meets pool guy in this concrete tunnel and pulls a gun on him and wants him to gibe her the gun from the cabin and makes him throw hisd coat with it

some homies come by and he taskes her gun and firesd on them but misses and she nails him, but instead of takking him out or nailing his leg or a kill hit, runs like a candsya555 and crosses a freeway of cars like its f--kin frogger!

somehow she gets back to her caR OFfscreen and gets to a restaurant king and in da  kkitchen; tells her butt buddy

oh aand he fired on her even though if he iced her the whole plan would fall apsart and he'd probabl;y get the chair

butt buddy sez to run to soviet canada or mexico and shhe ssez she dont want the money AND THINKS it was "his power over her" even though he loved her and shges just being a b--ch

he dont weanna go to the cops and butt buddy serz cole wont hurt her but she, dumba55edly, says "i never told you his name" and reveals she knows in front of him

she runs home and gets inside and calls rthe cops who fibnd pool guy iced his ex and had a hung jury but the phone f's out b4 they answer

butt buddyknocvks on da window saying pol guy is there but is capped and gues through the window

like in many ofd these 90s thinghs; the killer wanders aroubnd in a cool lighted as the chick hides and he just goes by her

sjhe should've came out with a knifge and shanked him to h e double caliufoprnia

instead she tries to escape adfter he goos by and trys to uise the car but has the wrong keys

he is on da roof and f--king jumps throyygh the sky light w/o any cuts and he gets her at ginpoint but dont cap her

she axes his back, gets his ghun and blows out his wrist thern beats on him

the cops are comming and pool guy wants her to ice him and eventually does

now he wont drop the soap

so then the cops come in and arrest herandf we're at the start of this like sunset blvd

she sez she lied b4 and is telling da trurth but only iced pool guy for self defence

the cops think shes lying and have no evidence to counter it and with pool guys record; she'd be found not  guilty

hey dont wabnna risk another lawsuit andf try getting infdo from mrs butt buddy 

she sez good sh-t about husband and thathalle didnt do it but butt buddy did as halle didnt have the guys or brains to ice guys

then halle comes out and drives off with mrs butt buddy and say the cops fell for it

the end

that was not so bad

good musiic although kinda antisubtle

good twists

nice filming and editing

the acting was iinda bad and the characters were kinda stoopid

but it makes sense as she's lying the whole time

its got a few good parts and even though some stuff don''t add up

its got a good feel and i had some good with it

For The Rich Man's Wife 2 I want the cops to dig up new evidence against halle and mrs butt buddy and they gotta go through the rotting slums of los angelas to get the proof from a covert cyber punk who has hideen camera footage from hacking into the system but there's gangs around who don't like cops and you gotta get through this cesspoole of a city tro get back to the station. Its also a 16 bit action game like Phantom 2040 on Segas Genesis, Snes, Atari Jaguar, TG16 and GBA where you go around the German expressionist looking area of devolved people in gangs who are mutated by pollution and drugs and aids.

Wednesday, May 11, 2022

King Of The Khyber Rifles Review

Notew: I spell like Kaiba but if he didn't know English

King Of The Khyber Rifles

thids is my rebvirew on king of ther khyber rifgles from rthe distant future year of 1953(30 years before ther Japanese NES or Famicom came out)

Its based on a 1916 book by Talbot Mundy that i never read

its driected by henry king (oNOt the evil king henry of soviet england who was the castlevania oj simpson) who did Tol'able David, thew 39 Jesse James, the 51 vDavid and Bathsheba and The Snows of Kilimanjaro

it stasrs Tyrone Power from Marie Antoinette, Jesse James and The Sun Also Rises, Terry Moore from Gaslight, Mighty Joe Young, The Great Rupert, The 50s Daddy Long Legs, Cast a Long Shadow, the 60s Batman and Going Overboard wioth f--king adam sandler, Michael Rennie from The Day The Earth Stopod Still, The Robe and The 60s Batman, John Justin from The Thief of Bag  dad and Valentino, Guy Rolfe from Mr. Sardonicus,  Richard Wyler from Breakfast at Tiffany's, Murray Matheson from Plymouth Adventure, Frank de Kova from The Robe, The Ten Commandments, Teenage Cave Man, The Rise and Fall of Legs Diamond, Atlantis, the Lost Continent, The Greatest Story Ever Told and Coonskin, Argentina Brunetti from It's a Wonderful Life, 7 Faces of Dr. Lao and he Shakiest Gun in the West, Gavin Muir fromMary of Scotland, and sioome 1800s guys i never heard of

i never saw this but my dad has the classics illustrated comic book, which is wehy I'm reviewing it

So after title and cedits tio guys on horses roaming the wasteland, which is in color but widescreen, its 1857 asnd the evil engliush have ruled trhe evil indiia for a century

some english soldiers come by and somwe indians on a hill get readty to ice em but 1 indian comes dowbn and warns em qndthey take cover as the upper hill blows and a rock slide nails where they were

the indians attack with boomsticks abnbd the engklish retiurn fire

then reinforcements arriuve and the indians flee

the english use rope to send guys down to help the cart or waGON OR W/E THAT got nailed in the rocks

main guy talks with a reinforcemenbt ABOUT HOW some induians who serve the regent are loyal AND they get info from the warning guy that its khan who attacked em

he works from a base at the top of the khyber pass, which i think is where star wars ripped off khyber crustals as its not just samurai and westerns it ripped off

later in some villsasge is this chick who rides a horses a55 who i assume is gonna be the love interest as EVERY movie HAS to have romanbce forced up its a55

its a comnedy? needs romance!

Its action? Needs romasnce!

Its horror? Needs romance!

just to satifty theosde who NEED romance

well a lot of guys like fat chicks, so every movie NEED a fat chick in it!

Not just a little chubby, but full on 500lbs!

Works for The Learning Channel

so main guy gwets to the villasge andtells his superior of khan and how warner sez khan will arttack on "the night of the long knives" whicxh i think the nazies ripped off when adolph took out ernst roehm and his booty boys o he could be leader

the superior sez its a "HOLY" TRHng which makes me think its one of those pagan daemon worsghip things, like the nazies were into

superior asks why waRNER told emn and warner sez his brother went against khan and khan pulled out his tongue and skinned him

If this were made today we'd see him being skinned



and f u caps lock! stop raeping my text

after maiin guy leraves, the suiperior gets word theres a new rifle being shipped next month

back when england wasn't phobic of guns, althgough now they fear knives as after thery baned guns, the gaijin used em

and after knives are banned; they'll ban hammers as the crooks will use those

as said by chiron; attack the archer, not the arrow!

so later main guy andd his droogs are getting ready and  they ARE GOOING TO SEE A GUY WHO HELPED RAISE MAIN GUY AFTER HIS RENTS GOT ICED

f off xaps lock! sucvk my 7 inch uncut double slavic d0ng!

also main guy was born there and has a lkocxket of his rents and his mom was a gaijin

so main guy goos oot and goos too a place with a beklly dancer behind a see through curtain

the owwner of it sez nmot to believe the rumors of this place as his enemies spread em

main guy asks of a silk merchant who was there b4 and hears where he in now and he became a devout follower of his god

latert un this area, a guy sez as its 100 years of england b0ning india, its gonna end, and judgement will come for the english

main guy comes by and tells chick to gtfo as sh-t gon get f'd

she returnsd home to da village and wait i think its main guy and 1 guy there is drinking booze

alcohol kills more people rthan aids

also the guy drinking sdez his moms an irish and his dads a gaijin

chivk tells a guy that the dark prophet told of judgement comming and main guy saved her

this guy with her sez that main guy is half gaijin and she says shje noticed something of him

so is he circimsized? did thery bite off his msn thing end? or is he normal and unamputated?

the superriopr comes o them and asks the guy named heath why he moved outta his barracks and tells him that all soldiers are subserrvciantr to the regent irregardless of race

heath is racist i think and dont like hybrids

as for me; i'm half polish half slovenian, but fit in well with neither

at dinner they talk about the khyber rif;les thing who fight in the hills and had fams iced and homes burned, like the brits in rob roy and bravbe heart

also main guy is put in command of ther khyber guys but thery are a p o s  grpup with no dicipline and they dont salute and go AWOL often

oh and chicks dad is superior

so main guy sez his life story of being born here and rtaisaed by a gaijin after his rents was iced and his guardian had a son

but the son is now khan as its kinda like hokuto no ken with raoh and jagi fighting kenshiro

main guy is offered a chance to change jobs but he dont wanna

the next day we get force guys training and trherews an a55 load of horses and its the khyber rifles squad

chick is watchingh and i think its another chick and wait its not ands shes gay for him but hesd  not interested

she invites him to a thing on the night of the regents b day and at night theres a big a55 gonew with the winf/pride and prejufdicr dance

her dad sez that main guy cant come as hes half gaijin but he must fight for the regent

she gets p-ssed but dad sez he dont make da rules and has to follow em and she accepts it

she sez her feet hurt and sneaks out to meet main guy and sez shes ashamed of her own kind after they went racial, even though the indians are worsde wirth their class system that has familierrs ice those who lopve outside their class

also; White chick turns on hwer own kind after hearingh of 1 thing theyb did wrong to othert group? just like university!

if this were today she'd probably turn on ger gender and shave half her head and dye the rest blue

so main guy sez he dont mimnd and encourages her to go back but shes gay for him

good blue sky and sihoollete like in gone with the wibd

they dance as its either dawn or sun dowmn and its got ncer music

so then she goes back but is nice to him and the next day or w/e and siperior gets word from calcutta and SOMETHINGS GONNA NE HERE IN A WEEK but i couldnmt hear what he saids

then we see this guy riding out and the chick comes after him as women aint allowed off base w/o an escort and she's using him as 1

as i assume they'd b0ne her deaD if the natives caught her

as even today, someone is f'd WOC with out consent in india every 24 mins

didn't sodom and gomorrah get nuked for that?

oh its main guy i think and he goes to his past home and belonged to his moms homie

his rents fams disowned them for breeding outside their race and faith and class and when they were iced in the rebellion, this place was the only place that would have him

main guy and chick drink from chalices and a gaijin sings some gaijin song

eventually they go outy and see a big a55 storm like in Dune called the hammer of god (Which god?)

there's no timwe to get back to base so they hide in a ruined temple that i assume had daemon rituals

good effects on the storm btw

main guy sez theres a story that its this guys tomb and he was taken up by the hammer of god centuries ago and is still up there

sounds like aliens/daemons

as a boy his guardian showqed him it and cuz holy cows blood was spilled here, the ground wont grow except cursed fruit that f;s ur soul

they almoist kiss and the horse makes a sound and siome guys come there on horse a55

they fure on him buthe's in a rock basae and has better cover and takes 1 out

then the storm happens and he takes her hand and they run out in it

later at base thetroops do a search mission and 1 cannon shot is the signal to return

then we see main guy in the desert and its a vast expanse

chick is hiding from the sun as she's White and dont wanna cook or burn

some guys come by and he fires his gun and they come and save the girl and the sound f'd out on the youtyube vid i'm watcxhing this on

after they get back to basae the sound comes back and chick was given a mild sedative and rest

main guy sez the bad guys tried to take chick for a hostage and superior wants to sebd his daughter back to soviet england where jack the ripper is lurking

after main guy goos too beed the chivck wakes up in her bed and is hungry as she wasnt harmed and just walked around in thew heat for a bit

superior wants to send to to england but she don't wanna as she wants to marry main guy

also the head of the miluitary daughter in love with a soldier is like in Robotech how Rick and Lisa were in love

so dad dont want her to as she was just nearly captured and he wants her to be safe but she knows he means he dont want her dating a halfbreed and don't want her to face the shame from society from it

meanwhile, the rebels are dooing thi gs in the desert andf i think star wars ripped this off

the alarm is rung as a guy on horse comews in and its a dead gaijin with a note saying a search party was captured and if they don't give them the new Guns: they will send more bodies of their men to em

superior is arranging a team to get the guns and give empty gun boxes to em

main guy talks to superior that if they take out the khan, then the united tribes would crumble without their leader

Kinda like how in the 60s the commie Inejiro Asanuma was shanked by Shin Nipponjin Otoya Yamaguchi before he could become the next mao zedong and Japan evaded going down chinas black path of communism

So he wants to go iin on a possible suicide mission to take himn out but is ordered to not as therty need every man

at night he writes a letter and chick comes by his room and sez her dads sending her to h e double england and main guy sez its good as the guys attacking wanted her

she sez she loves him and he sez it can't work but she sez his renmts got it to work and they can try too

the sound f;'d out and she smooches him and he sez stuff i cant hear

later she gets up and its day and a guy seez

in the real version they were b0ning

so then superior talks with main guy about iicing khan at ther cost of 1 of his men

oh and its not main guy doing it talk to him

a guy sez main guy was last seen heading out and then we see gaijin usiung mirrors to shine light as signals over distance from rocks

main guy goes asks to see khan and sez he;''s his friend anmd this is enuff to get him to khan

he meets him and khan sez he never thought to see him again except in battle

main guy sez he can't take thge brittish racism and hes joining them

just like all those canadians ansd brits who left to fight for thiier kind in the 00s and 10s

khan is glad and hopes he's the 11st of many to join them and gets him clothes and cr-p, but has his number 2 watch him in case

thern we see a dancer in a belly shjowing top and mexican skirt dancing as to AmericaNS: ALL GAIJIN PRotoculture is the same

khan sez they weren't always friends and goes over their past cr-p and sez how his dad suicided after he offered dad a part in his domination of india

he wants to rule india but as ghandi showed; once you get rid of a common enemy; the tribes turn on each other and its civil wwar

a goon sez something and khan sez the camels carrying the guns were holding empty boxes

eventually khan spazzes out and starts throwing sh-t and tells everyone to gtfo

then gets a blade and asks the real reason main guy came

main guy sez he came to ice him and would have but at the base something happened that made him quit englND

khan sez its a girl and they let the indians die for the brits not not live with them

then brings in a soldier and sez this guy can marry her and live with brits as hes the ruight race and as soldier begs, auiin guy throws milk or spurm  or some White goo in his face and the goons take him off

khan believes main guy accepts him oh and sez after he gets inbdia, main guy canb have da chick

at night maiun guy crawls on da floor with a blade annd nearly cuts khan but khan was fake sleeping aND SPINS OUT WITH A GUN

KHAN SEZ MAIN GUY HESITATED cuz of his past AND HE is now caught and khan has him tied up with brits on posts

then main guy uses the last part of his plan; he charges his ki to overload himself and consumes the whhole area in a blinding light that disintegrates himself and everyone around

jk thats dbz

so a horse rider rides up and does stuff off camera and based on the expressions of the  guys, oh F he shanked a guy with a spear!

i thought it woulsd just queer out and do it off screen like silence of the lAMBS

yet khan spares main guy as a return to him not shaking him b4

kinda like with the 4 star dragon and SS4 Goku in DBGT

so main guy is returned to his base where he tells them he f'd up and the caught men were iced and he had a cance but it f'd

he sez he was spared for sparing his life and theres a coubncil of tribesmen whowill have em 5000 strong

also khan sez the guns wont be used against him but superior sez the khyber riuf;e squad was using em

thenhas main guy locked in his quarters and as hes walking, a guy sez the women are being sent by forced march to somnewhere else and chick will write to him and sez nothingh changed

oh its heath wjhos moving him

a note comes in and it sez therewsx mutany and uprisings in india all over

if it spreads to there, they'll be f'd and he has main guy taken outta confinement after like 2 mins like Dana in Robotech Season 2

then we see gaijin talkibng gaijin talk to a soldier

superior sez if khan attacks with all his tribes they're f'd so they're bringing the fight to khan with an attack of mountain soldiers of the khyder team from the rear

some men are going out as decoy and the base is under matrial law and no obe can enter or exit

then a gaijin comes in and sez to main guy that the khyber team wonmt use the new guns as its greased with pig fat and their god sez they cant do it

superior sez tats bull sh-t, or rather pig sh-t, and mAin ghuy sez he's gonna talkm to em and that superioprs number 2 or w/e spread the rumor oits bacon grtease

main guy tells them theres no bacon grease and he showes em he can use the gun as hes an india too

then sez; if you dont wanna follow me, step forward or take up ur rifles

the men take their guns and goes ogg with the mebn on the mission

they go up da rocks and go on foot while leaving their horses to be eaten by sand worms

but the troops don't think hes right about the guns and won't use em

they will however use knifes like in modern day england and go higher in

at the enbemy base they eventually jump in and ice guys ninja style but get capped as they didn't wanna go j fk

theres a smokey battylefield like in birth of a nation and in the tent; main guy fights his pseaudo bro  in an almost star trek way

they try to getta gun and wait, its a knife and outside guys catch fire and 1 thing blows for some reason

main guy is gonna be iced buy non bro but a guy throws a blade in bro khjans back

later at da base some horses come up and its main guy and the kaiba klan

then we see bag pipers playing scotcxh music and brits doing horse sh-t

main guy waves to chick and gives an order tohis khyber klan to ride around

the end

That was pretty good

good action, story, writing, acting, and i like the 1800s

its kinda western andholds up pretty well and shows how the brits are often the bad guys when trying to be good

is this based on a true story?

irregardlessnessly i liked it and its got a good feel

For King Of The Khyber Rifles 2 I want her to have won her dad over and allow her to marry him but then the uprisinhgs have grown worse and england has to take out all the rebellious people, So they go around not just execuyting them, but chopping em up and putting thewir parts to say wearnings in their language like with William Wallace. Also its an 8 bit Srpg on Nes, Game Boy, Sega Master System, Game Gear, TG16 Atari Lynx and 7800 where you send your troops in and fight like its Shining Force but between levels, you get mini games where you arrange pieces of those you iced into words saying thiongs like "obey" or "Serve the regent"