Tuesday, November 26, 2019

Elysium Review

Note; my spelling is better than matt damons views
this is my review on elysium from 2013 (Right after the mayans destroyed the wirld)
its got matt damon, jodee foster and a bunch of mexicans i never heard of
its directed by the guy who did district 9 and chappie but i never saw either of those
in fact, i never saw this and only know a bit of its plot from wikipedia
according to wikupaediae, its a rip off of the anime/manga Grey: Digital Target
i never saw that either bit its animated by the guys who did the 1st violence jack oav and apocalypse zero
even the director of this said he f'd up making this
so it starts with it being the future and theres space bases
kid mat madom and some girl talk about how in space you have robot servants(you mean a slave!!) and never get old or sick
f it! its in mexican and has white subs on white bg
he wants to go there but this nn raising him sez its not for him
later mat madon is hairless like a not tubbed out kingpin from spiderman and works in soviet los angelans in the distant future year of 2154
just the in the 20th and 21st centuries, l a is full of meicans and its a rotted slum
you'd think they'd hav nuked it by now
the robot cops stop the fellon mad madfon and beat his a55 when he gives em lip
take that you monkey!!
at da hospitalhe meets his childhood female homie and shes busy
she left da slums and is back now and agrees to go have coffee with him(YOU BUTT SODOMS!! POP IS BETTER THAN COFFEE!! NUKE THIS CESSPOOLE!!)
at his parole thing he talks to a robot and gets his parole etended several months and acts like a wisea55 to his robot parole officer
at work he's docked half a day as he was late which makes sense as he wasnt there
this dumba55 keeps sh-tting on himself
so the slum bums live in this mad max wasteland and there anre a few higher ups who live in luxery
just like the ussr and cuba and china and other commie places
so soome slummers take ships to the space base and base orders this wasteland warrior to launch missiles from earth and from a rocket launcher and take out the invading ships
but 1 gets through and invades the base
wtf, theres no mattter between space and the base
is it like robotech ii the sentinels where that clear barrier kept the air in and the veritechs went through?
so the robot cops (like the day the earth stood still?) capture the invaders and send em back
so matt madons former criminal homies want him to go back to carjacking and he dont consent
his 1st good decision
next day he has to go into a robot machine to unjam the door
frog the jam
it closes on him and he gets microwaved
they open the door and hes splattered all over the room
hes just out cold and dreaming of ghis mexuico past where a nun game him a locket with a picture of da urth
he wakes up and a robot doctor sez he has 5 days to live from his organs being cooked
what is this? fist of the north star where rei gets nailed by raoh?
so the dr gives him pills to keep him functioning until he bites it
on space bace, da chick who ordered the hit on the invaders is reviewed and sez she did it to protect her family from the invaders
they say one more screw up and shes out
also shes got that warrior working for her and  they say he raepes and kills and tortures people
his nname is kreuger
like freedy??
i think elm street is gonna sue
so krueder gets canned and goes mental
matt damon goes home and his carjacker homie helps him
matt sez they can fix him in space and he has to get there
why not pray it away?
miracles happen
so datt mamon goes to his criminal homies for a ticket and ID and he'd do aything for it
that means he's gonna be their buttslave
head criminal turns him down but when matt sez hes a radioactive man, the criminal gives him a job
btw, shouldnt mattdamon get super powers from being microwaved?
workee for da hulk
so criminal wants to steal data from this guys brain by downloading it into matts brain
what is this? johnny mennonic??
cuz matt is f'd up from his being cooked, they give him an exosuit to make him as strong as a robot
why not just charge ur ki?
pu ki in ur attacks and it can break metal
and matt wants to brain jack his boss wjo runs his company
meanwhile, boss and base chick have a pact to help each other
he helps her becoe boss and she gives him a 200 year contract
like hilery and the oil countries dictators in 2016
so these mexicans do chop shop surgery on matt damon to equip the exosuit into him
so hes a cyborg now
like gogul in cyber city oedo 808
1 mexican; you can still j-ck off all right
meanwhile, boss writes a program and puts it in his brain with a protection thing that wastes you if you try to jaCK IT
so mattand his crew take out boss's shuttle and base chick gets warrior to go after the data
damon and friends take out the robocops and in the battle, boss gets capped
they brain jack the boss and steal the data (THOU SHALT NOT STEAL!!) but the data is f;d and they leavethe data f's with matt damons brainss and his bhead blows off like in fist of the north star
jk he just spazzes out
the warrior gets there and take out their car as they try to escape
he near;y takes out damon but his homie sacrifices himself to save him and matt takes down da warrior for a bit and runs off
this is seeming like apocalypse zero meets shadowrun
he avoids detection by hiding under a pig truck and the warrior hunts after him
warrior finds out whats in damons head and base chick has a no fly order on soviet l a
oh and theres a subplot of this girl and her mom dealing with her having seizure
damon goes to his chick homie and needs her to treat him w/o the official channels as they'd wastee him if they found him
oh the mom is his chick homie
she patches him up and he has childdhood flashbacks
btw i call bullsh-t as when u dream its never memoroes.
huh, the boss was playec by the guy who did the dad from blades of glory, dannys dad in pearl harbor and eric sacks in the michael bay ninja turtles
so chick homie wants to have matt casin bring her girl to space to heal her but if they catch him they'll ice everyone there
damon leaves and warrior busts in and beats on her to find where damon went
he takes chick homie with him and flies off
damom goes to the criminals to get to space like in yugioh zexal but criminal homie sez the sky was shut down ovee the data
its a reboot program and they can make everyone a citizen of the base
but with all those slummers going there, it would be decroded as bad as los angelas
damon decides to sell his sytolen data back to be treated in exchange but criminal homie is a malcontent who wants to change things and tries in vain to stop him
change is bad
remember when that president wanted change?
didnt work so well
damon has a grenade by his head and has warior take him to space base and base chick ends the no fly thing
b4 they land the warrior tries to attack damon but he knocks guys around and the grenade goes off and they crash
chick homie and daughter run off as matt fights warrior
she breaks into someones home and tries using their mchine but it only worls on citizens making her whole trip meaningless
also a cop tazes her
so the space guys capture matt and are gonna remove his syolen datta which will ice him
apaarently warrior got his head mashed in but they rebuild him in a machine
matt breaks out, beats tthe guards and uses a macine to heal him
base chick b--ches at wartior for causing scene and he shanks her neck
now he wants to take over da base
what is be? t r edwards from robotech??
matt callls criminal homie and gets his help to make everyone a citzen
this soldier tries b0ning chick homie but matt kills him and anoyther ghuy
they move on to change the rules in the middle of thre gane and maske the daughter a citizen ands matt fights warrior whos in a battle armor and has a katana
criminal homie made it there
matt pulls the brain plug outta warriors head and warior chains himself to matt to self detonate
matt throes him over the ledge and he blows apart
btw; if we're playing samurai shodown or mortal kombat and i pull out ur controller to win: thats called cheating!!
criminal homie sez if he gets the info out he cant be healed
criminal reboots the sopace base and everyone on earth is now a citizen and the robots and computers work for the slummers and send shuttles to bring em up for treatment
they send medical shutles to earth to treat them
i believe thats called theft
if i sneak into a vault and write my name into some geezers will to get a ct of her estate i didnt earn, is that kosher??
the end
that was well made
has good gore
good effects
had good pacing
but the plot was about the bad guys taking over and the good guys being userped
its like if starscream told a story of why he should be leader
bbut, even though the story was slanted and biased, the movie was well made
it may not synchro with me, but it works
for elysium 2 i want it to be a few months later and the sspace base is overrun with slum earthers who have decroded it into aa cesspoole like on earth. also the base is almost on the edhge from haaving to take care of too many people and is about to go out. the son of the chick who tried to take over tries to warn them but isnt listened to. so he gets into a power armor and starts taking on the criminals who came from earth to save his home. its also a 32/64 bit playstation 1, sega saturn and nintendo 64 game like the good 3d castlevania where you go through the ruins of the space bse and fight off earth criminals who are ruining it.

Sunday, November 24, 2019

The Mod Squad Review

Note: I spell mod squad style. homie
the mod squad
this is my review on the mod squad movie from 1999 (The year the SDF 1 landed in Macross Island and ended the Global Civil War)
Its based on a show my dads generation liked from when they were kids and i never saw it or this film b4
its directed by the guy who wrote 8 mile and the 2019 Joker movie
it stars clare danes, giovanni ribisi, dennis farina, josh brolin and eddie griffin
ooh its by mgm
they did good stuf
sonit starts with text saying mod was a type of teen or w/e from the 60s and 70s
then explauns what squad is as people get dumber every year
then we get the backstory of these teens who f'd out of life and wound up in jail
theres a cop raid at this party and they get caught
then dennis farina from law and order and unsolved mystery's sez he gave em a new chance
turns out they work for farina as deputy cops or w/e
so its the dirty dozen, suicide squad and cuber city oedo 808
dennis gets em outta trouble as they were attacking cops they thought were beating up teens
some teens need a beatdown
dennis sends em in on a mission to find out about h--kers
don't get aids
also they work with 2 real copson this mission
so the modders go in a club and a  guy trys to seduce the chick
brolin i think recognizes her and is sober now and dont touch booze
then dont go to a club!!
imma hang out at the slums to avoid doing drugs
later a guy is b0ning a h00ker and brolin i think beats on him
i think it was ribisi
later ribisi talks to the chick and black guy about their screw ups
at the station they clash with real cops and ribisi gets p-ssed off
black guy accuses farina of stealing drugs from an ebidence locker and farina chews his a55 out
huh, this got bad reviews
so far i dont hate it
back at the club they doo more digging for info
outside they find a guy and chase him wth 70s music playing
black guy catches the perp and he gives up the info where he was dropping the guy off and hat perp is not a crook
chick grows closer to brolin
they return to their placr to meet and farina is dead with blow by him
they book it and leave his body to the necroqueers of tthis crime filled city
they tell their story to internak affares and claim they never knew he bit it
they are told by a superior cop to lay low and he gives them his place to come to
chick gets p-ssed and goes home and brolin comes by
meanwhile, ribiji and black guy try to go under cover to catch this guy
rijiki goes to da car wash the perp works as perp knows bllack guy
he yess "stop! police" as he trys to stop this car from going through the car wash with his bare handsand gets foamed
perp sez he was just giving the suspect a ride to meet a cop and they take him
now i never saw the 60s show of this but i suspect they didnt wack their boss
this is sorta like the 2000 charlies angel movie where their base gets blown
or the 90s mission impossible movie where the team gets iced
later chick calls a number and keeps getting a female voice
she takes a cab to this place and finds a guy with a buncha chicks
so she has her cab follow him
at the place he goes she secretly follows and ooverhears this billy guy (billy and jimmy from double dragon?!) talk about a drug deal and how he knows they are cops
oh billy is brolin
also hes with a 5kank
meanwhule, risiki and wblack guy and perp go to this place and perp gets capped
risiki cant deal with this and leaves black guy to the work
the next day billy is with 5kank in bed and chick takes some item from his room
oh i think she jacks his car and burns it
ribisi goes to his dad or the superior or w/e and superior has to make a call to his widfe
then 2 ninjas come in and shoot up the place and risiki jumps out the window like in the wizard of oz and drives away
i figured he was in on it
he warns his homeis and goes to his rents place
man they made thw white guy here kind of a screw up
he tells dad hes a cop and cops are after him and they dont buy it
we're only like an hour in?
that didnt feel like much
risiki comforts chick over her guy she liked being a p-mp and i think they b0ne
i was getting some chocolate milk so i didnt really see
so the 3 reunite and talk about tgeir info on the case
they realize farina was trying to protect em and knew something was up
they sneak into the place the dealers are and use recording devices to get their talk admitting to icing poeple
oh and its cops there
but they dont have enuff evidence somehow as the good cops wont believe it
btw theres quite a lot of swearing for a movie based on a 60s show
imagine star trek where kirk calls spock a c-ck sucker?
so chick goes to the bar to see brolin and fakes not knowing his secrets
both know of each other but both hide it s they dont know they know
thats deep
black guy goes to this dealer and claims to be working for brolin
brolin offers to b0ne chick and dealer dances with black guy
in the real version they were b0ning
the next day rojiki stops by the place chick was with brolin and she sez she didnt b0ne him
did she use her hands? her mouth? her butt?
they go to where black guy and dealer are and he meets these teens who are probably his grandkids or nephews
so black guy and dealer go in this building and brolin shows up
b4 he gets in, black guy goes to the bathroom
as in the room in the house, not, takes a dump on the floor
dealer reveals black guy and brolin outs him as a cop
but then these guys with guns come in and i think are working for billy brolin
or they might be cops
theres a gunfight amd rebeesee slugs out brolin with a rifle
he gets away but chick beats the h-ll outta him with a metal breifcase
in the real version she sttuffed a metal baseball up his a55 like in dororon enpi chan by go nagai
so superior comes in and is gonna blame the modders for the bust gone bad
bt rededeplays a take of farina telling of the thing being crooked and the bad cops are locked up to be b0ned in prison forever
1 cop sez; what are you? sime kinda mod squad or something?
so they say it wont be the same without farina and some 60s slang from the tv show and walk off
using bits from the show only at the end is like the doom movie with the rock using the 1st person thing for a few mins
the end
that wasnt too bad
i mean it didnt impress me and it wasnt great but it was decent
i didnt hate it
the music was good and it got better as it went on
its like a prototype for the charlies angels movie from 2000.
but more srs and less fun
its dark and gritty like most things nowadays and its pretty widescreen
it goes by fast and has a bit of flow and the acting is good
its like a less impressive law and order or something
i didnt hate it but it didnt blow me away
then again i feel like that for star wars but nnot as much
its not hateable or anngering
and even the j-rkoff giovanni rebisi ends up savig the day
kinda like jar jar binks in star wars episode 001 the phantom nemisis
For the mod squad 2 i want them too go undercover in a human organ smuggling ring and they have to eat the organs sometimes to prove they aint cops. also the head of this news network is secretly behind it and uses his media to make the undercover cops look bad with propaganda pieces against them. So they gotta take on all the media followers who wanna take em out. also its a 16 bit up to 3 player beat em up on sega genesis, snes, tg16, atari jaguar and gba where you play as the mod squad and wail on people in the slums of the city and fight your way to the news station to take on the head of it who's all buff and muscley from years of eating people as humans are high protein.

Friday, November 22, 2019

Gangs Of New York Review

Note; i spell more human than new york acts
gangs of new york
this is my review oon gangs of new york from 2002 (When we got that sonic game on gamecube)
its directed by marton scorcesse and stars dat commie leonardo decaprio, daiel day lewis, cameron diaz, jum broadbent, jogn c reiley and liem neeson
i never saw this but heard its good so imma watch it
ooh, its by touchtone, who did nightmare b4 christmas
so it starts with a guy cutting himself shaving and telling his son da blood stays on da blade
also he teaches his son good catholic things
so they lve in tunnels underground as new york air is too poison i assume
so they get a buncha guys and go outside in white viegin snow and get a buncha gangs to meet this othe gnch of gangs for a battle
its a turf war between new yorkers and new new yorkers
oh and catholics and i think demon worshippers
then they fight with blades and axes and tools and i think claw gloves like freddy kreugar
ooh, this guys cheek was pulled open
main guys dad gets shanked but grabs th shanker b4 getting itand his kid sees
dad sez cr-p to his son b4 bad guy finishes him
bad guy sez ears and noses are their troophies as new yorkers are sick f--ks
but no one touched main guys dad
so main guy is gonna be sold to da law but he runs off into the underground
this was in 1846 btw
then its 1864 and main guy devolved into leonardo cedraicio and is an abolitionist
i think he gets oyutta jail and oh its 63 and linvon just freed the slaves 2 years into the civil war
guess it wasnt about slavery
so the new yorkers dont like ex slaves and  hate lincon
what is it about soviet new york and hating reublican presidents?
also the irishmen are there and hated
so new york is a rotting slum of corruption and disease and scum and deviants
just like b4 juliani cleaned it up
should've just nuked it
wirked for sodom and gomorrah
so bad guy is still in charge and dont look different after 16 years as he probably dont got a soul
just like most new yorkers
leo prays to ST. Michael but these guys come after him so he takes em out
1 was his childhood friend and he sez he was in jail the whole time as they add on sentence for escape attempts
he was probably b0ned every hour, on the hour
and its almost the hour
i'm noticing thids is starting to take after robotech season 3 where the invid took over the earth and years later the expeditionary force returns to get it back
so his homie tells leo of the gangs in town and his dads gang got outlawed and the winning gang celebrate thwir win each year
they run into cameron and she dont care for em, which means they are gonna fall in love
later theres a fire and all these fireman gangs go to the fire and just beat on each other
typical new york; putting their own needs over the needs of the inncoent
so the firemen decide to loot the next building as the 1st one if too burned to save
leo and homiue are looting it but nearkly bite it so they escape
leo sells the cr-p he stole and finds they pay union dues to the winning gang and split whats left with each other
so the unions owned soviet new york back then too?
no wonder its f'd!!
then john c reiley comes in ad looks the same as he did 16 eyars ago as hes half daemon or something like most new yorkers and i thnk hes a cop who swipes some of their cr-p
So leo playns on wacking the bad guy and its revealed the asians hate the new yorkers too
so the new yorkers celebrate their win over the catholics and leo and homie meet bad guy who has a drawing of leos dad in memory of him
bad guy shanks the hand of a guy he's playin cards with and tells leo to not come back without any offering like hes some kind of wicked god
leo and homie go on the river at night and see the soldiers who died for lincon brought to new york to be eaten by the cannibals
leo and his droogs try jacking a boat and 1 guy wastes a guard
so leoos grave robbing makes the news and impresses bad guy
1 guy dont think leo is honest and fights him as the otehr gang menmebers bet on it
leo wins without using a ki blast or ice attack and bad guy gives him coins
leo grows closwr to bad guy and bad guy hates the irish and leo is of the irish
so this chick pickpockets leo and he follows her
she fakes being a maid and sneaks into houses to jack em
as everyone in soviet new york steals
probably cuz of the high taxes and union fees keeping the cash from the people
leo catches her and gets his St. Michael Medal back and they go for a walk and she sez she dont wanna see him again
that means they'll probably b0ne
later the elites who help run da city come down to the slums of new york and bad guy is close to em
leo remembers the high status guy from the opening who was in the fight
later bad guy takes leo to a meat place and trains him to knife bfight against a dead pig
thats animal abuse!!
like logan paul getting hate for tasering dead rats
later this guy has bad guy hand 4 guys for some reason
after they string em up for sodomy, there's a party and they allow catholics in there
they have cameeon choose a date by looking in a hand mirror and guys walk behind her
of cource, she chooses leo
after a dance, they go in the back to b0ne and leo isnt too into it
did he go j edgar?
just pretend shes a polar bear and if you b0ne her it'll stop global warming
also i think cam implys siomeone iced her baby in her
after b0ning, they argue and beat it
later theres a  boxing fight and p t barnum comes by
some irishmmen come over and the new yorkers dont like em for reasons modetrn new yorkers dont like mexicans
also they imply isrishmen aint white
to be fair,, in tumblr, they argued "irishmen wrre colored as whites cant be sufferers of discrimination"
as new york is like tumblr, i see why they'd agree
later people are signing up for the civil war and at a play they have an actor playing lincon as people boo during uncle tms cabin
replace lincon with a modern republican and uncle toms cabin with any pro life movie and its just like moderh new york
at da play, a guy trys to ice bad guy and leo saves him
bad guy threatens the hitman with a knife fior speaking irish like how in french canada they hate english speakers
but the hitman bites it
later jon c reiley confronts leo over knowing hes the dads son and that his dad loved his irishmen people
so they patch up bad guy and leo gets in a sissy slapfight with a chick over her b0ning a ot of guys
oh its the fake maid
then they b00ne
but as this is new tyork, someones watching em
he wakes up to the bad guy b00ning him and he screams
really bad guy is watching him sleep and they talk about how he keeps people afraid of him by mutilationg those who wrong him
what is this? india?!
also he iced the last honorable man years  ago with leos dad
they had a lot in common but worshipped The Lord different and once the dad spared him when he could've iced him as he wanted hi to live in shame
this is sort of a hokuto no ken thing how raoh gave jyuuza a proper burial out of respect
he sez civilization is crumbling and gives leo a kiss by kissing his hand and handing leo's head
the chick leo just b0ned sez he raised her after her mom got iced but after they cut her up to iice her unborn kid, he lost interest in her as he dont like scars
man, new york is evil
also; scars are cool
man, we're 2 hours in with adds
that felt like nothing
also this is in fullscreen on the italiano channel
no black bars on my 4 by 3 tv
later bad guy is gonna shank a guy but the guy gives up the name of the guy he wants: vallon
just like yugioh season 4 wutrh the armor deck
is that where they got it from?
so later the gang goes to a play of asian dancers amd bad guy throws knives at  the danceras as part of da act
cameron goes up as part of the show and he throws knives at her
he busts her metal thing and throws a few close ones and she stops consenting
hes doing it to f with her and leoo
so later at a public thing, bad guy throws a knife in leoss body and sez he knows hes the son of vallon
so he puts him on a table to vivisect him and decides to let him live in shame by mutilating him into a freak like olga in that 30s movie freaks
but only burns hia cheek with a hot knife
cant f up leos movie star good looks
at least keanu played a dog boy in freaked
oh and i missed it but leo threw the 1st knife and bad guy countered and knifed leo
just like in hokuto no ken with the 2 finger arrow grasp
so cameron diaz takes him to san fran sicko to heal him with liquid hiv
and the guy who leo recognized from the 1st fight sez he owes The Lord and cuts knotches in something to remind him what he owes
just  like in Robotech the Shadow chronicles how marcus has a notch carved in his holopendent for every invid he iced
so bad guy sends john c reiley to ice someone, i think leo, and leo ices him and hangs the body in the town square
did he just become batman?
leo wants to have an uprising and get the gangs back
later bad guy has leos homie beat up and skewered and leo has to put him to sleep
later leo and his crew bring a black guy to churh and this guy there has an episode over it
then bad guy and his gang go to this place with a buncha people
then go honw saying they'll meet later
such an important scene
later lincon drafts men to fight in his war
later leo trys to get an irishman elected for sherrif and sez he'd et the irish vote
this is just like how j fk got in
back room tricks
they rig the counters and the irishman wins
bad guy challenged irishman sherrif to a fight but he declines
so bad guy gets him in da back with a bladeand beats him deaf with his own knotched club
the high rank guy who turns out isnt the remembered guy leo saw but that was the notched club guy, is p-ssed atbad guy wacking the irishman sherrif
so later the draft for lincons war is taking more new yorkers and new new yorkers and the gangs decide on where to rumble
no guns as nw york is too candy a55 for dat
so the people rebell against the union army taking their kkids to fight other americans and bust thinhgs up
b4 the big battle they pray as people were allowed to be Christian in new york back then
then the poors bust in to rich peoples homes and start killing em
they riot and loot and kill and raepe like that city when that guy died in police custody
is this how escape from new york happened?
the nypd is overwhelmed and a lot of black people are iced

da cops do what todays cops should and open fire on the malcontents
are we supposed to feel sorry for these animals?
tyhey just murdered a bunch of innnocent people
then the gunboats open fire on the rioters
send em tio H E Double England!!
the area is smoked over like the original bieth of a nation and leo has to fight the bad guy in it
heres a gang war with the few who are dumb enogh to stay in this h-llhole
btw this whole, oppressed people murdering those they blame for their cr-ppy time, was used in the remake in name only of birth of a nation
so both leo and bad gguy are busted upfrom da fight and leo sganks him
i was expecting an epic battle
kinda cheap way to end this
so later cameron dizn find leo all f'd up and the city is a burning h-llscape
at night the city puts candles on the bodies so their friends would find em in da dark
4 days later they beat the malcontents and like birth of a nation, new york was born out of a battle
they buried bad guy next to lwos dad and years later, that place is still up and the city grew up around it with towering skyscrapers and cr-p like metropolis from the 20s
the end
that was pretty good
its long but dont feel it
its kinda dark and grimey but it fits new york
it shows how awful new york was and how it hardly changed
i never knew how rotted a cesspoole this city was
the more things change, the more they stay the same
but the movie wwas good and has that late 90s early 00s look of being made on film instead of 4k ultra hd digital cr-p
i liked it and i'm glad i saw it
for gangs of new york 2 i want it to be the 1870s and leo and his gangs are running things as the new bosses. they oppress those who oppressed them and have wormed their way into the gov and legalized cannibalism and made it mandatory to eat one bite of man every month or be turned inside out in public. but the nephew of the bad guy from the 1st movie is back from spending his study abroad and finds how new york has devolved into a cesspoole worse than ever. so he go around setting up daemon items in key points of new york to literally drag the city straight to h-ll. its also an 8 bit nes, master system, game gear, game boy, tg16, atari 7800 and lynx game where you play as the nephew and fight the gangs in various slummy levels liek a sewage plant and a slum and a jail and an animal hotel where they give them a pampers life on the people dime and fight leo with a suit made of blades that he throws at you and you gotta counter and throw em back at him.

Tuesday, November 19, 2019

Gulliver's Travels Review

note; i spell big but sometimes spmal
gulliver's travels
this is my review on gulliver's travels from 20100 (the year of street fighter 2010 the final fight)
its got jack black, james corden (ewwwwwwww), the chick from mary poppins 2, the cop from bridesmaids (that movie s-cked!!) the chick who now does magica in the new ducktales and no one else i really know of
iits directed by the guy who did shark tale and detective pikachu and i hasnt seen either
i saw bits of this b4 and amm slightly familliar with the original story and how there were 4 places he went
huh, a lot of people say this s-cked
so i'll probably like it
it'll probably have a guy crawl up jack blacks a55
so after clever credits of the guys names on a city, wait, this is modern?!
the books were in the 1800s or w/e!
ruined forever!!
so jack wakes up and is kind of a doof
he goes to work at a mailroom in a building and a new guy works with him
jack goes b--chy when new guy talks to the guys he gives mail to and they chat with this chick jack is gay for
jck and chick ride the elevator anf i think they b0ne
later jack is rocking out to kiss and its revealed he queered out on the chick
also new guy is promoted above him and tells him he's gonna be in da mail room 4ever
jack cant take it and smashed gis guitar over new guys head and uses a shard to seppuku
really he gets bummed and trys asking out chick but queers out
he covers it by claiming to be a travler and wanting a travel assignment
imagine if he went to some cannibal country and got eaten?
they'd eat for a month!
at home he try's writing an article but s-cked at it so he c/p'ed it off da net
this impresses the chick as i guess shes a dumba55 too and she sends him tio soviet bermuda to check the triangle
well, thats the end of him!!!
this big black guy who meets him in bermuda sez the supernatural cr-p is fake
thats a f--king lie!!
so he gives jack a boat and he goes out and reads a mag about ho to make a robot
in the triangle his equipment f's out and hes in a storm
see you in h-ll gulliver!!
he puts on his life jacket AFTER the storm comes (freekin idiot!!)and gets eaten by a big a55 wave
he wakes up in h-ll and is being b0ned by j fk
he waked up tied up by tiny people
midget SM?!
ur into some sick cr-p jack!
jack breaks out andthe midgets pull him down by his pants and  he crushes a guy under his fat a55
the worst way to go
so hes captured and sold to the king
what is this? soviet england??
so they think he might be a spy for a rival kingdom they are at war with
what is this? the zentraedi and thre invid in robotech??
so they have him caged up in a rovk dungeon and makes friends with a guy who was jailed for being attracted to a chick of higher status
what is this? soviet india??
jack calls the general responsible for this a lamea55 but general hears and jack sez lame a55 is a good thing
wtf the general is called Edward Edwardian
like t r edwards in robotech??
so he lets jack out all tied up i some pulley SM thing and he breaks out
he saves da princess by throwing the star wars action figure sized guys after her away and the attacking enemy's book it
but the king is in danger from a fire
so jack whizzes it out
and yes, this happened in the book
he also whizzed on general ed
that got me to smile
they call him beast like the x men guy
man we;re only half an hour in?
that just (puts on shades) whizzed by
imagine if they made a jack black directed cut where he gets the runs and blasts the castle to stop the fire?
so jacks the hero and has them free the inmate
at da dinner he tells em of soviet new york and they think hes president
so they make him stuff to live like new york and remake his apartment and a coffee machine
all in 7 days
so this is a dream right?
he has em put on a play of star wars and titanic but has him as the hero
edwards points out the logic error of him biting it on the titanic and beign alive now
also jack helps ex convict with his girl issues and pulls a Cyrano de Bergerac by telling him song words
also edawrds and princess are a couple but shes not that into him
edwards men find a can of coke and jacks boat and it needs a fixing
so jack finds his iphone and the chick hes gay for sent him a buncha angry messages for figuring out his work is ripped offa better guys and now shes gotta do work as jack is off
priness gives gulliver advice and he decides to stay longer
general edwards is not happy how gulliver is changing things and gets edwards job
so he turns off the city's defence syatem and the enemy kingdom who is right there, attacks
so jack takes off his shirt and shoes and goes to the sea to fight em himself
he dont wanna fight and tells em to fake the fight and run away
they fire him with cannons but the shots rebound off his flab
he drags the boats away and saves da day
later hes having a good time annd they play kiss's rick and roll all night in a montage
so his ex convict friend sez gillinver otta train the army but g boy sez he can handle it himself
also g boy tells ex convict homie advice for flirting with princess
also princess dumps edwards
so gulliver has turned the island into new sodom (new york ) and edwards betrays his kingdom to save it by working ewith the enemy
wtf this is robotech II the sentinels!!
so he returns with a  mrch (robotech!! ) and fights gulliver in it
it even transsforms like the sdf 1
he  gives  g boy a wedgie and he gives up cuz hes a little b--ch
he admits all his stories are cr-p and gets sent to an island the people fear
the hero got bbeat and sent away with the evil general edwards in charge? just like robotech II!!
so edward de new york izes the city and princess gives up on everything glliver sed
also the chick jack is gay for is found on the island and the midgets get her
jack wakes up and finds himself in a dress and in a dollhouse for some giant chick
she forcefeeds him milk and burps him and change his diaper
good f--k the fetishes
she alsio makes him gay out with a man doll
1 doll she has is a pilot who is a skeleton
so homie comes back and tells g boy what happened since he was out and gies hiom a speech to gie him some chutzpa
bte, the giant island was in the book but was the 2nd chapter and he crawled inside opeoples crotches
thats not a joke
its canon
just like dragon ball super ans the new star wars
so he escapes and is reunites with the chik and admits his crush on her and she forgives him for his a55 holian acts
so violence jack goes to face the general edwards (a giant vs a bbad guy in a mech? like breetai s the invid regent??) and edrawrds has shock attacks
ex convict helps g boy by going in the mech and interfering and cutting the shockers
jack goes hulk hogan on the mech and wins
btw; jack black,... jack baker???
so ex convict homie and princess admit love and king lets em marry cuz he helpsed save da kingdom
edwards takes princess hostage but she slugs him out
like janice and t r in the sentinels
jack reconsiles with the chick he likes and sings the song, war! wat is it good 4? to get em to stiop fighting
its also a big a55 dance
so gliver annd his gf go home and later hes working as a travel nut
he gives advice to the new guy in da mail room and we get credits in a newspaper thing saying gilluver actually went to the island and it was a news headline that wasn;t mocked as ridiculous somehow
an island of 1700s tiny people?
seems more like a weekley world news thing
the end
i liked this
ita livleym, fun, cheerful, colorful, positive, and enjoyable
its kinda dumb but it works and has good music and charn
decent effects wgich are obvuous chg but its not awful and for a 2010 version of a castlevania era book, its pretty good
sorta like having just macross instead of the full robotech
but backwards
yeah it doesnt cover the whole book and gives it 90s tude
but it works
foor gulliver's travels 2 i want him to be traveling near the triangle and finds the modern day kingdom he was at in the 1st movie. turns out, going through the triangle sent him back in time in the 1st one and now he's found the modern day version of it. but his interference has msde them devolve into an anything goes style of society and no one does anything and they just eat each other for food. also they think gulliver is a legend and not real and when he arrives, the peole start attacking him for ruining their view on reality by existing. so he's gotta take em out. also itas an 8 bit gaame like rampage on nes, sega master system, game gear, gane boy, atari 7800 and lynx and tg16 where you play a gulliver and bust up their rotted city of decroded high tech and their hovercycles and plasma guns and take on the other neighboring colony islands they took over that are at different degrees of advancement.

Monday, November 18, 2019

Men Of Honor Review

noote; i spell without much hoonor. except censsoring swearing
men of honor
this is my review of men of honor from 2002 (When sonic adventure 2 batle came out)
its got robert de niro, cuna gooding jr, the chick from mad max 4, the dad from the war at home, liem neeson, keith david and bruce willis
its based on a book based on a real zstory
i think i saw a few mins off it bt not da hole thing
so its 1966 and de niro is in da army
i mean navy
and beats on guys who dont show him formal greetings
meanwhile, this black kid is swimming in a lake or something and theres a car there
he lives on a farm that used to belong to his dad
wait, he hasnt lost it yet
he wants to stay home from school to help dad plow da field and dad wants better for his son
years later hes cuba gooding jr and joins the navy
dad tells him to nogt come back as his town s-cked
later hes in the south pacific probably mnear macross island and is a cookk
so later its ocean swim day but his peoples day is later and he jumps in and outswims the white soldiers
cuz of this he's put in da brig and transfers to be a rescue swimmer
man this is really widescreen
like half da screen is black bars
so later this diver goes in and they bring him up after saving a guy
oh the diver is de niro
oh and the guy he saved bites it
then another diver gets f'd and falls off into the boundless abyss of the black ovean
so a guy goes under to save him
later, de niro is told his lungs are f;d from the bends and if he dives agsain he bites it
he goes mental from this and beats guys with unused bedpans
cuz of this, he's sent to work as an instructer for divers
cuba wants to be a master cheif diver, the highest rank one can get or w/e, and no non whites ever got there b4
2 years later, what year is this??, he's in soviet new jersey and is gonna be trained by de niro
de niro wants him to go home but cuba has drive and wont
on the base its a real madhouse and a guy spits on cubas pants
michael rapapaport from war at home (imma call him wah) has a studder and heklps cuba out wiith advice
in the bunks, da guys dont like cuba cuz hes black and go to another bunk
now he gets it all to himself
he can j-rk off on everything
oh wait, wah stays
then its like 4 am and the guys hose him off and dunk him in water
oh wait, its de niro
in the real version he was probably b0ning him
later de niro tries to scare em out with stats on how most bite it in this field or w/e
de niro grinds into wah over his studder and makes comments on him pregnanting his highschool gf
cuba stands up for wah who de niro dropped in the jet black sea and i think he ejects wah from his group for being nice to cuba
later ccuba is not getting good grades and goes to da library to learn
he asks a chick for teaching help but his last finished grade was grade 7 and she thinks its not worth it
he study's on his own and its enuff to get her to help and he gets better grades
later cuba goes on a dive and the boat on the seafloor is f ing out
wait, its not cuba
so tthey send cuba down and trys to get a new air hose too a guy spazzing out
cuba saves him and another guy gets a medal for saving the guy who spazzed out or w/e
wtf its 1952
wasnt it the 60s at the start and cuba was a kid?
who edited this??
so cuba the 1st bit it and jr is bummed
he hires a h00ker and i think its de niroes daughter who brings cuba into a bar to f with de niro and the white soldiers
de niro tells his war story of being trapped in a sinking ship in ww2 and holding his breath for 5 mins to save his men
deniro annd cuba then have a conteast where if de nero wins, cuba is outta the service
oh they put on dinding helmets and fill en with water
this is like something from the yugioh manga
or in gx; hold ur breath for 1 min
but in the dub they chaned it to; drink a bowl of water in 1 min
cciz some dumba55 kid will get iced copying something he saw on tv
so cuba wins and h--ker has an episode see8ng de iro nearly get iced in a dumba55 contest
imagine a reverse of this where they set thermsekves on fire and whoever lasts longer wins?
not gonna lie, there's probably vids of teens doing it on the internet
also the teacher chick tells him she's had it with the navy life after her dads cr-p and she passed her finals and she's done with cuba
also he's advanced beyond hos nreeding her to learn about diving
he tells her he loves her and kisses but she goes as he runs after her
later de niro meets with his superior who is cleaning his medals and dont want cuba to pass cuz hes black
and cuba is about to pass
so de niro chains him down and starts drilling holes in him with a power drill
really he tries to tell him to not show up or pass the test
da next day cuba shows up for the test where he assembles something under cold water
wtff this got mixed reviews
i think its pretty good
i like historical movies
so the test is rigged against cuba by with holding his tools and scattering em as they are thrown in
this is like in yugioh how mokuba rigged the capsule monster machine whehn facing yugi
hours later cuba is still at it and the superiotr dont wanna bring him up until hes nearly dead
de niro wants to bring him up but superior yellls at him
then cuba finishes and comes up
thats pretty bad a55
like me playing kirby star stacker for like 18 hours to beat all the levels
so cuba passes and superior busts de niro for it
and the radio de niro broke of cyubas is fixed
cuba gooding jr?!
where;'s ed harris?!
so cuba goes to work in sovuiet new york in brooklyn and grows closr to his chick teacher
ands shes pregnant
but who is that father?
today, on maury!
so at a navy dance, the guy de niro f'd his lungs to ssave at the start of this movie reunites withj de niro and his probably h--ker daughter
and a fight breaks out between em and gets demoted for it
then we;re back in 66 and a plane with nukes went down and they need to get back da nukes
iu assume da soviets are after em
oh snaop, they are!!
we need G I Joe!
so cuba is under the sea and the soviets are arriving
his air hose gets caught on the sub and he getys jerked around
dat sub is some gamecube level cg
so cuba saves da nuke amd they bring it up
but it falls back down and a cable snaps and takes out his leg
imagine if it got him in the parts and they got knocked off and flew out and landed in a guys mouth?
so he's gonna need severe rehab to walk again
meanwhule, de niro is on a drunk tirade in a holding cell
so cuba might hsve to retire and i think de niro is in rehab and his dauughter tries to help him
so to get back in da navy he has his damaged leg sawed off so he can getta fake 1
his gf turned wife dont think this is good as she wants him to stop this dager cr-p sorta like chichi in dbz
so i think she ditches him and he trains to use a fake leg like falco in hokuyto no ken 2
after a montage of skipping rope, de niro comes back and sez the review board is gonna retire him as they want him out
but he can pull strings to get cuba a chance
de niro gets da board to give him 4 weeks of training and if he dont makre it, de niro reties
so after a training montage cuba passes by going in front of da board and wearing the nwest model of diving suit that weighs 200lbs
oh and de niro and cubas fam are there and de niro uses his military orders to get cuba to make it 12 steps in the 290lb suit on 1 leg
what is this? dbz?!
then text sez he got to be master cheif diver or w/e 2 years later and 9 yars after dat retired
the end
that was pretty good
it had good flow and pacing and didnt drag even though its over 2 hours
good writing and acting and music and effects and its got some heart
this one worked
its not super awesome but its got good stuff to it
for men of honor 2 i want it to be where a boat full of soldiers goes down in the devils sea near japan and cuba gooding jr has to save em. but when he goes under he finds its full of sea daemons amd ancient creatures and he has to get the people from sea daemon traps and air bubbles and get em out. akso its an 8 bit game on nes, sega master system, game gear, game boy, tg16, atari 7800 and lynx and you go around fighting them rwith holy words as a ranged attack and go through their interdimensional city in the sea to save the soldiers.

Sunday, November 17, 2019

Rango Review

note; i spell wild west stlewye
this is my review on rango from 2011 (The year the zentraedi attacked earth in robotech)
its directed by the guy who did pirates of the carribean and stars johnny depp, al molina, bill nighy amd the guy the rednecks b0ned in deliverance
i never saw this b4 but my wicsconsion homie likes it
its ratted pg like transformers the movie but the soviet californians wanted it rated R for smoking
candy a55 commies!
they are ok with butt hammering but not smoking?
i mean i dont smoke or drink or do drugs or b0ne or swear
but kids can handle smoking
people think kids otta be sheltered anc cant hear anything pg
once i was at a yugioh tourney and told this kid that jesse anderson (the gx character) has the same name as a serial killer
this slow guy got p-ssed cuz i mentioned serial killers to a 12 year old
spoiler; the kid knew an had no issue with it
so after opening logos ad a title, we hear some mexican animakls talking abouyt the life and death of a legend
then this lizard acts out a play with cr-p in his cage
after experimenting with accents an ideas he flirts with a piece of a barbie doll and wants an unexpected eventv to give him some conflict
then the car he's in swerves and he flies out and is in the baking sun in the desert of probably soviet california
a run over armadillo who caused the car to swerve tells lizard hes on a quest to see some ghost or w/e and tried to getta cross da road
then cars go by and bump him around in the slipstream and wheels
armadillo (like arnold from bubsy?) is better now and tells him to go to thr desert to a town with a water ritual
is this the 3 ep oav new fist of the north star/shin hokuto no ken?
in there he talls to a catcus and rock and tries to blend in with the desert to avoid a bird
he hides in a coke bottle and bird lifts it up and drops it on rock
the rock is some kinda monster and gets caught by bird and probably eaten guts 1st
then hes in water and dumped out a tube and thisgun chick questions him of his deal amnd how her town has a dtought
he sez hes a perfor4mer and she sez her name is beans like the guy from coontra force
she has issurs with her dad being somewhere else and shhe spazzes out for a few seconds
she gives him a ride 2 town and drops him on the outskirts b4 going in
beans buys cr-p and owes the store stuff and denies knowing lizard
he goes 2 da salloon and orders water but they only got cactus juice
he realizes he can be anyone as hes not knoewn here abnd acts like a bada55
meanwhile, beans is at da bank and they use water as cash like its mad max
and they;re almoist out
she tells emm someones dumping water in da desert and banker dont buy it
so lizwrd calls himself rango after durangfo on a bottkle or w/e and tellls a crazy impossible but probably happened on 1000 ways to die story of him wacking 7 bros with 1 bullet
this big bada55 lizeerd comes in and bllows smoke in rangos face but rango burps on him and his cigar catches fire
but he takes it like a bada55
so they they duel but not eith archfiends, with guns
but everyone books it when da burd comes in and rango dont notice and acts cocky
he turns around and hides in da outhouse but da bird cuts it open like rei in hokuto no ken
open outhouse? big monster?
is this jurassic park 1??
rango runs and bird chases and busts the town
he hides in a vending bmachine which bird uses a coin on (1 quarter for a chocolate?! bull sh-t!!)
after another chase, bird pulls a cord and the water tower crushes it with its legs out like wizard of oz
now rango lucked out (rolled a 20 in D&D) and is the hero
sorta like in the harold lloyd movie a sailor mande man where he keeps lucking out and looking like the baddest a55 in the navy
so rango meets da mayor and hes a geezer turtle
turtles can live like 200 years
imagine if franklin had his great uncle forest come by and wasn't too keen on beaver as in his day, he owned the beaver race!!
that sounds like a mad tv thing
oh and rango is sheriff or w/e and the people are fanboying him
he nearly blows a hole in a little kids head
beans wants to examinate the water mystery with the rango but he's busy with the people
kinda like nightmare b4 christmas with jack ignoring sally
then the town does this dance ritual to music on a speaker and a guy sez now that da bird is iced then the snake will come
nah its a rattler
didn't i review that rattlers movie?
yes i did
they have a religous ritual and turn a pipe for water but only cr-p comes out on rango
beans sez somethings up and slips that the bank is outta fluid and
so they go to da bank and rango shows em how drinking too much water is gonna make em turn on each other
by wasting water
so he sesz as long as theres water, there's hope and he need sto find da water
at night he chats with some moles digging the ground and the next day the bank was jacked
its implied da moles did it
so he ggets a posse togerher to string em up
he gets some mexican looking guys to help and deputizes a buncha homies, including a bird wuth an arrow through da head in the eye
disney woould never havve that in a kids movie
so tthey follow the tunnles iin da bank and enentually go above ground and find the bank guy drowned
so the mexican guy senses some guys and they go after em
later its night and rango tells em of the siprit of da west
rango then claims the snake is his brother somehow and hes immune to his venom
then the guys pray and give thanks for rango
so rango and beans chat and grow closer
next day they see the moles and they put on an acting thing to trick the  moles
rango wears the beans dress like lancer in robotech and they pull guns on da moles
but a swarm of moles come out surrou7nd em
1 guy fires a revolver and bites it and the boar pulling the water wangon runs off and the possse gets away on it
but da moles chase em on bats cuz bats can carry moles and fly perfect
rango gets caught and hangs from a rope as he accidentallly takes  out a buncha guys and flips from bat to bat
oh and gun guy didnt bite it
so they fimd out the moles never had the water as they found an empty jug in da desert and when they went to rob da bank it was empty
they bring em back and mayor wantts to string em up
mayor is building something and rango suspects him of beingf behind this
so eeveryone gives up and rango tries to give them hope
but then a big a55 snake cimes in with a gatling gun and calls him brother annd tauunts him with his own boasts of wasting the 7 bros from 1  hit
he outs rangos lies and rango admits he was a faker
so rango leaves town and waners the wastelands and finds the spirit of da west who's totally not marty mcfly in back to the future 3
he tells rango its da deeds dat make da man and names dont matter and its about the people who need him
then armadillo is there and sezwe see what we need to see and shows him a boat in da desert
is this like that spanish gold ship in the deseert?
also these casctiyues move through da ground to da water and find a modern city with sprinklers
he realizes mayor controls da water and goes back to save da town
so beans is offered to sell her land to mayor but she dont consent
snake nearly eats her but rango comes out
beans; go to h-ll!
snake; where do u think i come from??
thats pretty bada55
disney wiould never have that in their kids film
also its similar to violence jack ova 1
harlem b; i'm gonna send u to h-ll!
jack; i'll go home when i'm ready!
so rango faces snake a55 in a duel and his townies set up the pipes to flow
snake caps mexican guy but the water from da pipes busts the town and throws snake sky high
when he comes down, a bird fles over but its just synchronized bats
rango aims his gun at snakes head but mayor has beans hostage
beans and rango are oput in a water jar that fills up like in Dr Masbuse
mayor is gonna ice snake as he dont need him now but rango breaks out by using a bullet he saved
so rango earned snakes respect and snake goes off with mayor ti turn inside out and eat alive
the mxicans or w/e who sed rango bitex it say he;s gonna bit it later in some random thing
the end
that was pretty good
fun, cool, well animated and acted
good music and fun
good pg style thats not too much but has enough bite to be cool
sorta like robotech
or rocko's modern life
i thought this was cool and i;m glad i finally ssaw it
we need more films like this
for rango 2 i want the mayor to return having gotten a lucky one hit kill shot on the snake and has used gears and tech to make an exosuit to let him fight harder and keep up with rango. he scares rango outta town after beating him up and throwing his body off a cliff but rango was saved by a cactus man who trains him to become the bada55 he claimed to be to return and take out the turtle mayor. also its a gamecube, xbox and ps2 and dreamcast game where you go around semi 3d levels and do things to build up skill and ability points to get tough enuff to return and beat the turntle mayor.

Thursday, November 14, 2019

Legends Of The Fall Review

note; my spelling is legendary a jow it falls off the rails
legends of the fall
this is my review of legends of the fall from 1994 (when sonic 3 and shining force 2 came out on sega)
its got brad "the butt mo" pitt and anthony hopkins (whos actually a good actor) as well as aiden quinn from benny and joon and the kid from ET
i never really saw this all the way through and only saw a few mons of several parts
its duirected by the guy who did the last samurai and blood diamond
it starts with narration of how some people become legends amd about this guy who's mom pooped him out in winter
the narrator, this indian guy, trained the guy and was homies with guys dad
dad had enough of the yankee gov was f ing the indians so he went to the mouuntains to train in kung fu or raise a fam or w/e
so the kid bro was looked after by the bigger ones and their mom was often out and ditched em
this f'd 1 kid up
f'd bro goes out to fight and die against a bear in da woodz (warios woods??)
bear clws his arm but he takes off a bear fingr and his fam saves him
so in now timne indian guy gives someone letters from the fam of their life
so 1 bro comes back from college and haas a gf whos his future wife
they're teens now and its almost ww1
btw, great music by james horner
its majestic and epic
so brad pitt is still living on the farem and was the one who fought the bear a55
and the yongest is the college boy
wtd peopole dont care for this
are they on meth?!
youngesat was the kid from ET
aiden is the biggest bro
later this little indian girl sez she's gonna marry brad pitt
well, he is rather progressive in his views
so ET wants to fight zee kaizer cuz hes a commie college boy candya55 who thinks the serbs need protecting
spoiler; they started da war by wacking franz ferdinand
what next? sidingh with england in 1776?
so dad played by hopkins is glad his sons are back
so brad is good with horses and does not look like a teen
brad pitt, being the bad son, suggests to his good kid brother that he b0nes his future wife
is this like east of eden where the main guy is the bad guy?
also their mom ditched em so thats similar]
later some lawmen come by asking if dad saw this wanted man
dad sez hes going to san fran sodom
later ET wants to fight Zee Kaiser but dad knowas how war is bad and wants to keep em outta it
but ET is a dink and him and aiden go to Soviet Canada to enlist
so brad tries to get future wife to change ETs moind with a book dad wrote to get the yankees to stop attacking indians
alsop he almost makes out with her and aiden sees
so the boys say bye and go off to nam
btw, i just wanna say, i like films in the 1800s-early 1900s, based on books and from the early 90s
i'm loving this
far more than weird p0rb0 a55 bram stokers dracula
oh i think brad goes off to war too to protect ET
so later dad has dinner with the little indian girl, her fam and his homies and shows he respects the indians
meanwhile in korea, brad and ET fight the onfederates and many guys get blown apart
ET is bummed that war is not as cool as he thought cuz hes a freekin dumba55!!
ET gets nicked by a shiot and brab opitt jumps on him and tries to keep him from getting in danger
in the real version he was b0ning him
purvo a55 brad pitt
so ET regrets going to the USSR to fight the Japanese as he misses his gf and wants to marry her.
Had he listened to Dads he would be happy
also aifen gets f'd and is getting sent home
but ET went off on a recon mission whuile brad was visiting aiden and brad runs to save him on a horse like birth of a nation
brads horse blows out and bhe iced germans on horseback
is this where he got benjamin button from?
then ET gets the gas and gets caught in barb wise cuz hes a dumba555
the Kaiser's heroic soldiers shred him with machinegunfire as they totally use a machine gun for 1 guy in wire after gas
brad wastwes em and drags ET's corpse away
use ur finger to glow him to life
then brad chops him open and takes out his heart cuz i guess hes a cannibal too
oh and he smears his bros blood on his face
good f--k this is mental
then he sneaks across no mans land and murders germans who had nothing to do wiith his bro getting iced and chops off parts of em as trophys
man this is like east of eden
so aiden brings back ET's heart and they plat it to grow a candya55 tree
So ET's gf stays at their place and indiN GUY sez she f'd em up but not on purpose
so aiden falls in love with ET;s wooman and she dont wanna cuz it might cause him pain
so later brad returns and cries from not being able to save ET
also gf comforts him
later brad b00nes ET's gf
aiden finds out and wants brad to marry her cuz its the right tging to do
bard isnt too keen on it and aiden suggests brad let ET bite it for his wooman
Like with King David?
Brad sez if Aiden sez it again, they aint bros
I think DNA is stronger than your malcontent feelings
If aiden quinn got brad pit pegnant, their kid woould be inbred irregardless of if they wanna be related
soo Aiden goes to da city and gets work
later brad tries helping a baby cow caught in barb wire starring dat 5kabk from baywatch and caps it outta frustration
also i think brad pitt got gf pregnant
and i think aiiden is in with bootleggers in prohibition
so then brad and his homies go after a bear and brad is too candya55 to waste it
indian guy sez when mann/animal spill each others blood, they become one
is he gonna fuse with it into a furry?
later brad and dad and their crew are at a bar that dont serve induans
brad nearly attacks him but dad stops him as the guy had a stick to bust brads empty head
so brad sneak attacks him to force him to go against company policy
in the real version he b0ned him for that
later brad goes off and i think her pregnancy was a "what If" and not canon
so brad travels da world and dont email em even though they keep sending him mail
eventually he winds up in soviet Africa and hunts crazy monsters the the ell e fent or z brah
also ge's b0ning people i think and tells her to marry someone
so later aiden is gonna run for gov but dad dont trust em after that the yankees did to the indians
aiden runs anyway
so dad gets mad at aiden for liking et's woman and aiden tells him about how brad f'd things with et, gf, and him and dad and how dad's woman ditched him too
and how aiden loved gf too and f'd everything
dad has enough of his son's cr-p and kills him
welll, he sez he would ice him but tells him to gtfo
so that night dad f''d out and gets crippled and brad stops ssending letters
years later brad returns woth a buncha horses
sio brad reunites with dad who got strokred crippled just like east of eden
he brings a necklace of boar tusks which is a big deal as boars are super deadly
but aiden married the chick gf years ago and live in da city
brad visits em looking like his interview with a vampire character who got b0ned by tom cruise as they got da same hair
he refuses to see aiden cuz hes a c-ck sucker and books it just seeing the chick he b0nned
also the little gik=rl is now a teen and is gay for brad pitt
aaiden finds out the brad is back and has married indian teen
wtf the indian teen is named after brad pits mom
he married his mom?!
well, he is big on progressive things
later he's had kids with her and the bootleggers want brad to stop his private bootlegging
they only didnt waste him cuz his bro is a conressman
so its like unions
pushing the little guy out unnless they join you
lTER  brad and aiden reunite and meet brads fam,
btad named his son after his bro who bit it in viet nam
later brad is stopped on da road by the cops over his booze and they shoot the area around him
1 bullet hits his woman and i think she goes to h e double ireland
he goes berserk and beats brain damaged a guard but gets subdued, his cash toom, and hit in the head with a thing to brain his damage
after berrying the indian teen da aiden is at da farm and dad dont wanna see him cuz he blames da gov
spoilr; alcohol has killed far more than the bootlleggers
brad has to do 30 days in jail for crippling a cop and the officer who capped indian girl gets a reprimand
makes sense as he didnt mean to ice her and brad tried to murder the cop
hay brad! dot drop da soap!
nah, he'd love that!!
so gf sees brad in jail and they hug through the bars
good symbolism of their love and the things betwen them in sociery and their choices
also she has dreamds where shes his baby momma
today, on maury!!
aiden figures something up when her dr sez she missed her thing and when he called home, she was out
wasnt there a scene where brad pitt deals withhis indian wife being not welcome in a restaurant?
or was that a river runs through it?
so after 30 days of being b0ned by guards, he gets outta jail and prepares for war
just like the godfather, they wack all the guys they think werre responsible for indian teen getting it (even though it was an accident and this is straight up murder)
cuz brad was j-rkin off taking too much timefae cutting 1 guy, he nearly ices brad.
but brad sticks him on a pitchfork
also Et's gf blows her brains out like a self j fk ing
they berry her on da farm and aiden is bummed how he followed the rules and brad didny and they loved brad more
all this cz tat candy a55 thought it would be good to fight the Kaiser
his idiocy ruined the wwhole fam
brad looks at a photo of his fam when it was good and talks with dad
so then thr bootleggers union guys come by to ice brad
brad wants to be taken to da wood to be iced so his boy wont see nd dad pulls a shotgun and blows out 2 guys b4 they getta shot off
aiden takes out da last one and now has highlandered his way to the top of the bootlegging biz
oh and saved his bro and re earned his dads love
so the union is gonna want brads a55 for wacking their guys so he gibes em to aiden
the iondian guy wanted to take their scalps as hes some kinda necro fetist so he dances around with a knofe
so years later brad outlived everyone like pan in dbgt and bit it in 63 fro a deathmatch wioth a fata55 bear
indian guy sez brad lived in the border between this land and the next
the end
that was most grand
epic, cool, great music, good acting, and quite meaningful
well made and filmed and easy to follow
i liked this and its a good 90s classic
it ends in the 60s, when civilization went down the cr-pper from drugs and beatles
for legends of the fall 2 i want it to focus on the rise of aiden quinns character as a high rank cenator and becoming th leader of the bootleggers. also for legends of the fall 3, i want it to be about brad pitts charcater being fused with the bear and going to another dimention to help the sasquatch launch an attack to get this black magic item the humns have found. both are 16 bit games on tg16 sega genesis snes atari jaguar and gba where you play as the guy and fight your rivals in the 2nd one and fight through human levels in a beat em up for the 3rd one.

Game Reviews Volume 6 From 2019 Part III

More thoughts on games I beat over the years

This one is from most of the 3nd 3rd of 2019

I beat Batman on my 150 NES games in 1 GBA cart. Its by Sunsoft and has great graphics and music. You got a few weapons that have the same ammo meter and a wall jump  that's not hard to do. The bosses are tough but have simple patterns that can be mastered. You get 3 guys and unlimited continues but using one doesn't make you restart an area. So if you get to level 5-3 and bite it you restart on 5-3. Pretty tight controls but there's a bit of a delay to jump to have him crouch and leap. The Joker is tough and I was on my last hit before he fell. If you bite it on a boss you start on the boss but if you use a continue you restart the level. To beat Joker you gotta get close to him so he don't hit you with his huge gun and move back when he uses lightening. He seems to fire his gun when you move left/right and can hit you with a run sometimes. Tough game but fair and I'm glad I played it.

I beat Ghouls and Ghosts on my Master System Collection. Its probably the easiest one in the series as you keep armor upgrades and all the weapons are good. After busting a chest you get either a magician or a gate that takes you to a shop like Forgotten Worlds where you choose different upgrades like armor or boots. You can take multiple hits with stronger armor and you got magic you can use that uses a magic meter. You choose what magic you use at the pause screen and the Shield lets you just ignore hits. Getting the goddess power makes the 2nd run easy and none of the bosses are really that tough once you get the simple pattern down. You get unlimited continues and there's no time limit. I liked it and think its a good way to start GnG. Plus you can just keep getting shops on the same level and biting it til you got max power. Good game. Glad I got it.

Just beat Super Mario 64. What an ordeal. The graphics and music and voices are good. The gameplay is not. you got like a dozen moves with 4 buttons. Z and jump is either a hip drop or a long jump depending on if you pressed Z a fraction of a second before jump. The water controls are pretty awful. Trying to get out of the water is a pain and sometimes Mario just spazzes out. Punch and lunge is the same button so sometime I try to punch something and fly off the screen. Plus the camera is abominus. I often am either fighting it to get a good angle, or constantly readjusting it so I can actually see what I'm doing. You gotta get a set number of stars to advance to the next area. You get stars by doing missions like beating a guy in a race or getting 8 red coins. Some are ok but some are pretty insane. You can also get a star by getting 100 coins. But once you exit a level, you start over with all traps reset. I'm not bashing this because I'm used to good 3D games that came later. I hated this back in the 90s. How did people like this?! Plus Mario can't just turn around and face the opposite direction. from left to right. He has to walk around and turn in a circle to face the other way. Its a pain to try to pick stuff up as he keeps wiggling around. I liked The Legend Of Zelda Ocarina Of Time. But this was just not fun. I'm not even big on the good Mario games. I liked 1. Japan 2 I beat but it was kinda annoying. US 2 was bad. 3 I liked. World I didn't. I liked Mario Party and Kart and the GB games. But this was not a good game. I thought Bubsy on Genesis was better! Plus the Bowser final fight you just gotta throw him into 3 mines. But the camera makes it hard to see where you can throw him. And you gotta grab his tail, while he's moving, and sometimes there's fire coming at you! I've been spinning him to throw him into the mine and a blue flame snipers me. Plus its easy to miss his tail and plow into his butt and take damage. You get lives and running outta em just sends you to the title screen. You get 4 lives each time you enter a save file. At times you can have a checkpoint like on a part by a boss in its own mini world. I got the minimum stars needed to get to Bowser and never plan on playing this again. I never got the magic caps either. This game is a blight and it ruined gaming by introducing 3D as a popular fad. All those good Genesis and NES series ended and now gaming is just FPS and bad JRPGs. Jump in a meat grinder Mario! I hope you get hemorrhoids from all the butt pounding and sliding you do!

Just beat Ecco The Dolphin on my 100 Game Gear games collection. Pretty good condensation of the Genesis ver. Unlimited tries and passwords each level makes it fair. Less levels and smaller play field than the Genesis ver but it works. Start is echolocation and in the last level its a nightmare. On the Game Gear the screen is cut so there's less available view. The life slowly drains unless you keep using sonar, which is bad as the Start button is not an action button and wears out the thumb. Pausing is rough as you cant change direction and gotta hold start until the sonar returns (Which takes like 2 seconds). Its a 3 min auto scrolling level and is harder to move with the smaller screen. Its easy to get crushed and you grind against the walls if you get too close. Plus enemy fighters come at you and never stop until you reach the end. wasting 1 (which takes 2 separate hits) only keeps it off screen until the next one comes. But there's only 1 on screen screen at a time. Plus its hard to hit them as the sonar has to be dead on to get em and if they are offscreen, they're invincible. But they can still hit you. After beating it, you get to the final boss and biting it on her don't send you back to The Machine. The Asterite is much easier as he don't zap you but you gotta bring his marble back through the caves with sonic blasts. The Vortex Queen is easier as you only gotta pop her eyes and charge her jaw 12 X. But there's aliens attacking and you slowly drain life unless you sonar. Good game, with good music and colorful graphic that I think the GBC would have issues with,. Glad I played it,

Just beat Gun-Nac on my NES Collection. Infinite continues and no checkpoints means you can do it but it takes time. I played it on novice as I'm not the best at Shmups. You get various power ups and a shop that lets you increase your turbo (fire rate) and weapons. You get a blast attack based on the power up you collect based on letters and a main weapon that powers up the more of the same number you grab. My fave ia number 3 the homing attack and the W blast that rains on the whole screen. The game is fair and was done by Compile who did M.U.S.H.A. and here you can get a wing power up that upgrades your weapon and lets you take an extra hit. In there you can collect cash that lets you buy at the shop between rounds and in the last level, gives you extra blasts. Also, using a blast makes you use the standard pea shooter while its in effect but once over it returns. Good music and 8 bit graphics and it plays well. I liked it even though I'm not super into Shmups. I don't hate em but I'm not super interested. But this was a good one and I'm glad I got it.

Just beat Thunder Force II on Genesis. What an ordeal. One hit kills that take out all your weapons, not just the one selected. Playing on Easy doesn't let you play the later levels. There's a level select option that only goes up to level 5 of 9. (and I hear if you use it, you don't go to the last level after 8 but restart at lv 5. (But I never tested it)). Good graphics. Good speedo. Good music. Controls well but the game autoscrolls so you can crash if not careful. You alternate between top down levels that don't control like Asteroids (So I liked that). and side scrollers. The top down are free roaming but there's barriers and they loop after going too far. In top down you gotta hit 4 bases and power ups between top down and side view don't interchange. But they do carry over to the next top down or side view one. You get 6 continues and pressing start is choosing no while A is yes on a game over. It can be beat in like under an hour but running outta lives makes you restart the level. I wanted to beat this and III before trying TF4. The later levels are pretty tough but can be beat eventually. I'm glad I beat it but have no plans to play it again. The final round I was able to beat it on my last guy (but had 3 continues left) where I got killed and cheesed the invincibility to go in the weak point and beat it. Also I had to pause on/off a lot to get through the later parts.

Just beat Shining Force 2 on Genesis. Took under a week and it was grand. Great story and music and graphics. Not too hard as getting beat jest sends you to the church and you keep all your exp and items collected. Good Strategy RPG like Fire Emblem but it lets you make mistakes and revive dead characters. Good plot twists and a few dark turns but it has a good light feel. Good ominous music and graphics too. Its darker and edgier than the 1st one and raises the stakes from it. I played Shining in the Darkness 1st, Then Force 1, then Gaiden Final Conflict, and now this. But I'm almost done Soul 1,.Its from 94 and that had some other great Genesis games like Castlevania, Contra and Sonic 3/Knuckles. Lots of little touches that add up like the characters talking having different sounds for text scrolling based on who says it. Good sequel to the 1st game and having played the midquel a lot of stuff was alluded to that I had seen before. The battle was sorta like in Robotech where you gotta maneuver your guys and place them in the right area for best effects while trying to keep em alive. Glad I was able to play this and it was worth the 45$ multicart.

Just beat The Smurfs on GameBoy. What an ordeal. It can be beat in like 20 mins but I spent almost 2 hours as you don't get continues and only get passwords for every 4 levels. You gotta go across 3 kinds of levels. platform, autoscrolling and bonus..The 4th level is a wall as you do it over a swamp and the Smurfs can't swim. So you gotta hang from vines from above. But the control is bad so your always falling off by going left of right instead of straight up. Also the running is bad as if you walk, its slow and if you run by holding B theres less control. I hated it in Mario World and its worse here. If you find all 5 starz you get a bonus level to get extra guys, hit points and leafs that can be collected to get extra guys. There's only 3 bossed but if you die on one, the hits from the last try are saved. But I don't think it carrys over after that and biting it 2x clears the damage. The dragon 2nd boss is annoying as you gotta hop on small platforms over a pit and throw bursting presents at it. With the bad controls its easy to bite it. Gargomel is the game boss and you beat him by having a bird drop acorns at you so it lands on 1 side of the see saw and jump on it to hit him. But if he touches you its instand kill. I think you play as Hefty Smurf and Smurfette is the last Smurf to save. Its not impossible but its annoying and has issues. Glad I beat it but I don't plan on playing this again. I got it for like 8$ at a Cash Converters that closed down years ago.

Just beat Shining Soul on GBA. Its sort of a prequel to Shining Force with cameos from bosses from the various games as bosses working for Dark Dragon. Looking back it don't really make sense but seems like a weird fanfic. It plays sorta like Zelda with moving around a dungeon and fighting in real time. You can't even pause to stop gameplay as the enemy's still attack while the menu screen is up. You can find and equip armor and weapons to boost stats and level up and give skill points to thing. I liked it and it wasn't too hard as if you bite it you just get booted outta the dungeon and lose the on hand cash you got (but can store cast at the village). Each dungeon has a boss and you can use items to heal by setting it to the B button. I enjoyed it and got it for like 24$. I plated as an Archer as I saw a vid of one fighting the game boss pretty well. Glad I played this. I saw it at a used shop for like 15$ years ago but didn't get it as I read it wasn't great. Glad I gave it a chance.

Just beat TMNT 3 Mutant Nightmare on DS. Pretty good game. A few things are iffy. Each turtle does the same 3 levels but some take different paths and have different levels in some cases. The play similar but each has its own moves and attacks. If you attack, you gotta wait for the animation to finish before you can move, which lead to me taking hits. Plus they move slow for ninja. But each one fights different and uses their weapons in different ways. Its mostly a beat em up/action game and there's some vehicle levels. It saves after each mission and there's no lives or continues so just keep trying until you beat it. Donatello's levels are rough as you gotta hack consoles and solve some bad puzzle in limited time or take damage that's pretty annoying. The touch screen isn't used much but you can call on other turtles. The bosses take some time and often a boss is just beating a buncha small guys but it works. I liked it and I'm glad I got this. Its even got the 4kids voices.

Just beat Shining Force The Sword Of Hajya on my Game Gear Collection. Good game. The 1st episode wasn't released in English except on Sega CD and probably won't be on Game Gear or collections. Good Shining Force game. 1 part has the force split in 2 and half the party faces 1 challenge and the other faces others. I liked how the maps weren't too big and you didn't spend several turns moving toward the foe like in other SF games. The English release roided up the magic so some spells at higher levels did heavy damage. It killed my guys often but I nuked em with it too. Good story although the Chapters are just numbered and not named. Its sort of a midquel side story set 20 years after the 1st game and this one is 2 months after the 1st Gaiden with some cameo's to 1st Shining Force on Genesis characters. 1 thing I hated was the characters named after other SF guys. I kept putting Chester the Archer next to the enemy thinking he was the Centaur from SF2 that I just beet a bit ago. Unlimited Continues and if you bite it you just regroup and try again with all EXP and Items. Some parts were tough but just trying over and over got through it. Glad I got this. Its a good one.

Just beat Alex Kidd in Shinobi World on my Master System collection. Its not long but can be tricky. You got a small katana or kunai that has little range and can get a few power ups. You start each area with 3 hits but can collect more hearts to get up to 6. Then collecting life up gives you extra guys. There's 4 levels, each with 3 areas and a boss at the end. Its a parody of Shinobi and controls pretty well but often I don't jump when I press it. You get 1 continue and if you use a continue, you gotta redo the whole level. Its not too hard but its easy to take hits. I had like 14 lives on the final boss and beat him on my last guy. Good music and nice colorful graphics and its got a chibi style. I liked it and it can be beat in like 20 mins if done right but beating it takes time to get good. Personally, I think I prefer the Master System games to the NES ones. This one is pretty good but its got some stress. Glad I did it.

So I beat Bleach DS 4th: Flame Bringer. Its pretty good. You play as one of several Bleach guys and follow a story where you fight a weird plant spider thing to save the world. You mostly fight Hollows and Soul Reapers but there's boss fights every now and then. Unlimited tries as you just continue or quit and it saves automatically. Good graphics and little use of the touch screen and there's voices from the show. Its only in Japanese and I had to import it but you don't need to know Japanese to enjoy it. Each character fights different and has different Bankai so some play better. I wasn't fond of Byakuya or Renji and liked Hitsugaya and Ichigo or Rukia the most. You can double jump, press up 2x to jump again. But if you attack and hit something, you can rejump. You got a Ki bar recharges with attacks and use it to super attack or Bankai. Alao are a few mid-fight questions I think gives you a bit of a boost if you get it right but it didn't impede me to guess. Its a bunch of little missions you beat in a few mins and move on and took me around 7 hours to beat. Glad I got it. It was pretty cool.

So I beat Dr. Mario on my NES Collection. Sim0le game. 20 levels of matching colored pills to colored virus's in a vertical or horizontal line of 4 or more. Its like Dr. Robotniks Mean Bean Machine but you only got 3 colors and it has to be a straight line. Also: Pills don't fall if you clear under em unless you cleared the pills connected to it. It drops a double sided pill often multicolored and you rotate em with A and B. After beating all 20 levels you just continue but its the same virus count so I consider it beat as I cleared all the levels. You can choose what level to play from the start on a slider. Good game. It gets into your head and when you close your eyes you see the pills and virus's. Glad I did it.

Just beat Castlevania: Legacy of Darkness on N64. I liked it. It takes a bit of getting used to but its actually pretty good. Most of the reviews said "Its good compared to Castlevania 64". Which is like saying "Mussolini is pretty good compared to Stalin". But this holds up. 3D platforming that isn't too bad. Some parts are annoying but not game breaking. If you bite it you just go back to the last save. The C buttons to handle Camera, sub weapon, close attack/environment interaction and I didn't really use Down C. A jumps and B attacks. Z is crouch but if you move and Z it slides. R shifts camera and L goes to Wolf mode (Fursona ) but that burns through Gems (Ammo ) until it runs out. There's a day/night cycle but it doesn't do much. Graphics look good and the music is nice. Good plot as its a prequel to C64 and that whole game is unlockable on here. The sub weapon can be upgraded by collecting the same one up to level 3 and there's power ups that boost your attack power.  People thought Castlevania didn't do well on N64 like Mario did, but I think I like this more than Mario 64. It didn't annoy me as much and wasn't as harsh. You need a controller pak to save on here and there are other quests to unlock but I'm glad I got and beat this. Oh and you have access to items like food to heal or poison cures. You can buy em too but I never needed to do that.

Just beat Sonic Rush Adventure on DS. Pretty good Sonic game. The levels are decent and you have a boost bar that lets you boost for extra speed/power. Most of the game is traveling to islands across a sea in various vehicles and. There's a lot of touch screen stuff but it doesn't seem too bad. I got used to it. You Graphics and music are good. Lots of text and collecting materials in levels that can be used for making and upgrading vehicles. The chaos emeralds are gotten by finding this guy who looks like the son of Warhead from Vector Man and racing him. But some races are only beatable  after upgrading the vehicle. You can restart and retry as much as you want with no penalty. The bosses an't too bad and if you run outta lives you just get booted outta the level and are given a chance to restart the level. Its not too bad although not as epic as the Genesis ones. But its a good game and I'm glad I got it.

Just beat Mega Man on my Game Gear Collection. Its a port of areas from a few of the NES games with a slightly smaller screen. Also you only face 4 bosses then its the castle with 3 more and no Boss Rush. Good graphics and music.Controls pretty well. He only fires 2 shots in a row but can charge and slide. There's E tanks and M Tanks and if you run outta guys you go back to the title screen and can put in a password to resume play. But after beating the 1st 4 bosses you gotta do the last 3 in 1 continue. Its not too hard and has some good things to it. Wily doesn't have a Super Machine after you face him once and goes straight to the Capsule that teleports. Its pretty good and looks much better than NES or GBC. The Game Gear had some good games. Glad I played this.

Just beat Mega Man X6 on my Gamecube X Collection. Everyone saiid its the worst of the X games. I can see why with some of the irritating bosses and that 1 guy who can;'t be harmed so you gotta rebound his attacks, Or the 1st Castle boss which you gotta Super jump, then up+Attack to get by. But its got great music that brought me back to da 90z.. The art and animation is pretty good and it has some good ideas. If you beat a boss it makes certain other levels have a negative effect depending on who you beat. Sorta like X1. But these are always bad and don't open up new areas. There's glitches to exploit that make the game easier like using the Shield and Dash/Attacking repeatedly to get past invincibility frames and take guys out fast. Or just using either to do either. After unlocking Zero you can use him in any level and choose who to use, X, Zero, or any armor X. Some parts are pretty hard but there's infinite continues and using 1 doesn't even make you go back from your last checkpoint. There's even a trick to use Down+Buster with Zero on a breakable platform to become invincible until you use a special move or leave the area (Which makes the final boss easy). You can get a super jump and cling to the ceiling but it often gets in the way by doing it by mistake. As is the Up+Attack to use a dash/slash which often gets me hit. It may be the worst X game, but its not awful.Sorta like Robotech Season 2 not being as great as Season 1 and 3. Some parts are an ordeal but its not impossible. Plus I think my D Pad might be screwy as it kept oing right from the item select and wasting my SubTanks by mistake. Oh and you get poser ups by rescuing Reploids and can equip them after collecting enough Dark Souls. These are sorta like the Cyber Elves in MM Zero. Glad I played this.

Just beat Forgotten Worlds on my Master System Collection.Pretty cool game. You play as totally not Arnold Schwarzenegger who flies around with an autofire cannon and you have free movement. You change direction by buttons (1 goes clockwise, the other the other) and blow enemy's apart. You can get money by wasting em and can buy upgrades and new weapons. Choosing the right weapon for the right boss is key. Plus you can get a flight stone and change your speed. But getting it again resets it. The game can be beat in like 20 mins and you don't got continues but can but extra guys. You get a life bar and there's armor that protects you from a buncha hits and health ups in stores and hidden. They took out a few levels and bosses from the Arcade/Genesis ver but gave us a big crab to fight in an undersea level. The game isn't too hard but takes some getting used to. Good graphic and music for the Master System. Glad I played this.

Just beat Mario Party DS in Story Mode. You gotta win 5 maps by getting the most stars. If tied for stars, Coins are counted. Standard Mario Party stuff. Roll dice, go around the board, get stars, win Mini Games. Its pretty easy and simple but I enjoyed it. Good music graphics and voices. They changed the voices since MP1 so it was kinda weird. After beating a map you face a boss that's not too tough. Some Mini Games are luck based and others the computer always wins at. But most are fair.The touch screen ones were kinda iffy with my screwy screen. I liked this one and I'm glad I played it. It saves after every round and most games only last 10 turns. I never really lost in here so I'm not sure what happens when you do.

Just beat Splatterhouse 1 on my TG16 collection. Its pretty good. I used the Japanese version and it was fun. Simple, Not too long, Not too hard. You get 5 continues and can get extra guys with points. It plays sorta like Altered Beast on a hard 2D side scrolling thing but has minor branching paths. The music and look of the game is pure gooey gory 80s horror. Like how Castlevania is a homage to 20s-60s horror. It takes a bit of getting used to with knowing where to stand and how to fight. Also you move slow and are a big target. But its not too annoying and with practice can be beat. I beat Splatter house 2 1st, then 3 and finally 1. Sorta like how I saw DBZ 1st, then GT and finally DB. It was easier to to the slide move in here than in 2 by holding diagonally down after a Jump and hitting Attack at the right time. I hear there's a level select code but I never used it. Glad I played this.

Sunday, November 10, 2019

Windtalkers Review

Note; I spell like the wind.
this is my film on windtalkers from 2002
its directed by john woo who did face/off and stars nicholas cage from valley girl and adam beach fro law and order svu before itr went all whiny and commy
its also got commie a55 mark ruffalo and christian slater from the wizard
people say this movie s-cked and wasn't accurate.
lets see if i like it
i saw parts of this movie but never da hole thing in 1 go
so adam goes from his homeland and wife/kid to go to ww2 by bus
then cage fights the japanese in ww2
they run outta ammo as this isnt contra and his men get iced
i think cage gets blown out too
then adam and his homie are trained in code to use their native language as code for military cr-p
so cage is recoveribg in a hospital despite being surrounded by eemy soldiers and getting blown out last we saw him
a nurse helps him and i think his ear is f's out and it f's his balance
cage gets a hearing tezt and wins with nursetelling him when to sign for the sound
he cheeted
he's not fit and going out
if you can't carry a guy up a flight of stairs you shouldsn't be a fireman
otherwise people get iced
so cage gets his record looked over and he beat up a priest who taught at his catholic school years ago
so cage is assigned to bodyguard a navajo guy so the code he knows is protected
and he must do everything to protect the code
so adam chats with cage at chow time and adam spills coffee on cages food
so cage swaps food
later the guys play poker and make 40s style ancestry comments that guys still do today only people go mental over
but adam takes it well and jokes with em
later they arev breifed on their mission to saipan (saiyan pan from dbgt?) and cage has viet nam flashbacks
adam helps cage and sez he's fighting for his country too and is needed to decode in 2 mins what once too a full hour
later cage drinks with nurse at a bar
then its war and planes are drippin sh-t on the eenemy and the enemy with a  huge cannon blasting flaming bursts
cage and his new crew gunfight the enemy and cage has more flashbacks and goes mental
more bttle scenes and they are pretty well done
they give a code message to take out a stronghold by plane i mean battleship and it gets blown
adam is getting freaked out by people burning alive and getting shredded and when an enemy soldier and him aim at each other, he cant do it
so cage knifes his neck and saves him
after the battle radio voices say the codeword is wind and reply is talkers so windtalkers
later the guys talk and 1 guy talks about a chick he probably b0ned and how now he's wasting guys with a flamethrower
later the native guys have a ritual
the next day, adam takes a wash in the lake and this redneck soldier harassaes him over looking japanese and they fight
the guys break it up and redneck sez he thought he eas japanese and stole the uniform
latr adam sez unburied bodies might have souls become evil spirits and seeing all the corpses truggered him
does he have esp?
can he see auras or sense ki?
later slater jams with adams homie on harmonica with homies flute
cage gets a letter from his woman who sez dat commie f dr is lessening the heavy restrictions on the population of that island
adam reveals he named his son george washington yahzee as hes a real american like hulk hogan
then the convoy is attacked and the trucks they are in blow in flames
the radiio gets f'd and they are being attacked by their own guys by mistake
1 guy gets his foot blown off and is carried back
adam swaps clothes from a dead jappanese soldier and appropriates his culture to pretend to have cage as his prisoner
cage gets his a55 kicked a lot and pulls a gun from adams back and takes em out
adam takes out a few soldiers too
they get da radio and call the attack off
wait, there was a japanese base near there?
after the battle cage gets a commendation for saving his men from their own side
he sez he couldn't have done it w/o adam and defends adams ancestry
cage gives his medal to a guy
later its night and cage has sake and adam thinks its a55
cage is bummed over his men biting it and him getting medals dfor surviving
adam comfoerts him saying he was just doing his orders and later in a graveyard, has flashbacks of his men biting it and is haunted by their voices
adam helps him and does a smoke blowing ritual on cage
later the guys are walking and talking of what they wanna do after the war
well... thats the end of them!!
adam wants to teavh history in university
oh, its only now that cages woman sez the f dr oppression of soviet hawaii is lessening
hay joe, we're going to hawaii and you cant come cuz you s-ck
later a guy givrs a japanese kid some pan meds oh its cage doing it, and adM SEES
also cage chats with adam about being catholic and adam is one aswell
nowadays they'd be shown as the bad guys for that
adam was punished for speaking his native language by being chained to a radiator for 2 days
its like how in universitys now they punish you not b=not following their political correctess commie propaganda or saying the truth they think offends the weak
so adqam is sent to code a message and cage goes to his superior to get transfered as he dont think he can do it
later a soldier gives a little girl chocolate to cheer her up
eat ur feelings. dgood adviice. for my 600lb life!!
then there;s an attack and chocolate guy gets shot in the flamethrowwr and gets cooked in the burst
adams homie andd i think slater get attacked annd homie shanks guys in the parts with a big a55 knife
slater sez they cant afford to let the enemy have homie and tries to save him\\
but a katana to the neck removes his resistance
and skkull
the enemy catchrs jhomie and are gonna torture and maybe b0ne the info outta him
so cage blows them apart with a grenade
homie; see you in h-ll nicholas cage!!
so cage is f'd by having directally iced his man and adam finds whats left of homie and is bummed
cage admits to blowing out hiomie and adam snaps and beats on and nearly caps cage
cage; do it!!
me; this isnt starship troopers!
later redneeck sez his grandpa talked about fighting the indians and now adam i think saved his life
and in 50 years, japan may be their droogs against someone else
coonsidering how china went commie after we saved em from japan and japan became our friend in nam and korea, i'd say he's right
so adam has a ritual for his homie amed charlie who just bit it and how adam talked him into coming here
chaerlie, like street fighter guiles homie who bites it?
so cage sez he was just following orders and adam is disgruntled over cage
so then they get sent on a mission to take a location
they go on and realize they are in a minefield
then the enemy opens fire on em and 1 guy falls on a super obvous, sticking right outta da ground, mine and blows
i think if thety got blown into chunks it would be cooler
they fight the enemy and adam has gone mental and is doing risky moves, not caring if he bites it
what aBOUT your son?
he needs you!
then they fight more soldiers and 1 guy gets it
this makes adam go berserk and take out a bunch in reckless attacks
its like in devilman how after fusing, akira went super deadly and ripped a55
the guys worry they might bite it there and cage sez they are gonna make it
then the enemy gets out a big a55 cannon and starts blowing a55
so the radio gets dropped and cage andf friends try to get it byst most get shot up
adam goes mental and shanks a buncha guys with a big a55 knife but is stopped by cage who tellls him, it wont being homie back, and adam goes normal
they get back the radio and adam code talks for air support and they try to get away
adam is capped in da leg and cage takes out as many enemy's as he can with a handgun
adam tries to get cage to ice him so the enemy dont torture and b0ne the info outta him but cage carrys him off
also there were like 20 soldiers coming buyt when cage starts running they are still far away after that long moment
also all the enemy shots miss ven though cage is carrying adam
air support takes out the cannon but cage got a bullet hole in him
so cage bites it and back in america adam honors his warrior and friendship stuff in his ritual to his son
then text saying how the navajo code was important to the victury in the pacific and it was never broken.
the end
that was pretty good
good acting and story
good themes
good ideas
tells a story of history most dont know
good effects
i dont see why people hate this
its not awful
its a decent ww2 film
yeah its got a few part that dont add up but they dont ruin it
its a normal war fiolm and i think it worked
i liked it
for windtalkers 2 i want it to be korea and adam beach's character is helping teach the code to new recruits. also he is haunted by ghosts and wicked spirits from the war. they go to a spot in korea where all these people were iced and it turns out its a korean yokai or cryptid (i dont know anything about cryptids in korea) that iced their guys for going into their turn. so they gotta fight their way out. also adam's character uses his catholic teachings to rebuke the monsters to weaken them to bullets and blades. its also a 16 bit beat em up game on sega genesis, snes, tg16, atari jaguar and gba where you play as up to 4  soldiers and fight your way through them and get to the korea soldiers who summoned them and made a wicked pact with them to help win the war.