Tuesday, March 30, 2021

Killer Klowns From Outer Space Review

Note: I Spel Krazy

Killer Klowns From Outer Space

this is my reviuew on nkiller klowns from outer spacve from a 1988(the ytewar we got the Robotech Comics of The Sentinels)

I nerver ssaw this b4 but hear its fun

its directed by The Chiodo Brothers who did effects for the mr piotato head sdhow, ermnmest scared stupidf, and a few critters movies

iit stars no one i know of except chris titus who had that Fox show years ago

justr looked up the show as i never watched it, man, that was f'd!


then people going around town at night as its not soviet new yuork and theres not much crime

a cop goes to da park and at a make out placeis teens drinking boioze and a comet goes by

ooh, its fullscreen, no black bars edating half the picture

some wanna see where it landed including an 80s couple and a geezer redneck

rtedneck finds a circus tent and thertes no one around and a hole oopens and a net catches his ndog

he trys tearing down the circus tent and gets shocked

then a big f'd clown shows up and zaps him with a raygun

this is on comet so its edited for content so i assume he asploded

meanewhile da cops bring in some punks and are distrusting of em for drinking

head cop wants the kids put to sleep or w/e and younger cop wants to go easy on em

being soft on crime lets good people get chopped up

so couple is going there and bf makes indian quotes that would be triggering to losers today and they find the tent

bf wants to czech it oot but gf is freaked out nby it

On Degrassi Next Gen: Spinner watches Clown Academy II and loved it as it had Sexy Clowns. Me: Spinner has a Clown Fetish! More diversity of orientation for the Malcontent Teens of Degrassi!

so they go in and he jokes aroound and deep in he finds this star wars looking placewith a plasma ball

she realises its the shooting star (dragon in attack mode) they went to see and they try to escape

wait, they just wander around and find a some kinda lab like in double dragon neon

she dont believe in aliens but sez if they exist, they in 1 now

also is a thing of cotton candy that has a corpse in it

they hiude as a clown comes by and strings up some candy with a corpse in it

the clown notices em and they try to escape as a klown fired a pop corn gun at erm

they get out and run and the klowns make a balloon anim al dog to track em

open the matrix rodimus!

the couple escape in a car but a clown jumps em so they shke it odff and getta weay

gf ants to tell da cops but bf sez they wont buy it

da cl,lowsn start walking to da city and it plays funimation style dbgt styyle music

gf tells young cop and da klownz are in town

1 fakes being a store decoration as teens go by

so the coupole go in da STATION andtell their talle and head cop dont buy it

but, space circus tent that comes down and f--ks things up? is this wwhere saiilor moon season 4 got it from??

later a guy seewz a hand pupper sshow where 1 pupper nukes another with a raygun

then the clown comes up and zaps him into cotton candy

1 clown is in a convienence sstore anmdturns people intop cottin candy aND LOOKS THROUGH DA STORE


DA CLOWSN SHOW UP TO A CHICK WHOS NIPS ARE BLURRED OUT ANS PLACE AND bring pizza, then zap her to corron candy

then zap manother chick using a candy gram

so gf is dropped off home amnd bf and young cop go to the cirvus but the tente is gone so cop arrests bf

then a clown goes to some bikers on a small a55 bike and 1 biker trashes the clown bike and mocks hhim

so the clown punches his head off like hes riki-oh or kenshiro

at a restaurantthis clown nearly weacks a little giurl but the mom brings her back as she hasnt finished her food

later young coip finds more cotton candy coccoons and lets bf out as now he sees its true

people call in the clipons and the head cop dont buy it

then a clown goes mad max and uses a mototcycle to ice a guy by ramming his carr off the rtoad witrh it

a chick takes a shower(is that gf?) and popcorn on her starts moving around after falling off her

1 clkown puts something in a dumpster and when a guy b goes to put stuff in it hes eated

1 clown makes shadow puppets and does impossible things with it to impress geezers

bf and cop come by and clwon uses a shadow of a dinopsaur to eat the geezers

they try tyo run him over but he jumps away like freekin superman

young cop calls in the clown and hgead cop dont buy it and thinks everyone is all prianking

bf goes off and cop goes to get the state cops and bf meets some guys and tells em of the clowns

the guys are ice cream guys and only go with him after hearing gf has big b00b room mates

a clown comes into the startion and head cop thinks its a joke

clown swquitrs him with a flower and head coop arrests him and puts him in jail

cllown reached out with some kinda tentacle and grabs his throat and slams him out on the bars

so young cop returns to statruion and finds cottom candy conncoons

he finds head cop held by clown who iced him and cop opens fired on the clopwn to no effect

cop blows off clowns noze and he speciasl ewffects out into glitter or w/e

so the clows f the town and in gf fights clown things thsat greww outta the popcorn

she puts a shower head in its mouth and inflates it

she gets caughtr bby the clowns and trapped in as sphere

coop and ice crteam guys and bfchase the clowms

thery unite and head for the amussement park

so da clowns come to the carenival and holy cr-p is this movie almosat over?!

that felt like nothinbg!

so they dissolve a guard with acid pies and go in and the good guys ;later come in

they talk theories about why the spasce clowns came

in there is a wird dark area with fog and traps

the ice cream guys fall into a ballpit and find sexy female clolwns

imagine if the clowns b0ned peoople with inflatable man things?

cop and bfg find THE SCIENCE ROOM ANND THERES panorama COTTON candy cocoons

thery hide and fat clown(like batmaan returns on snes?) comes in and drinks outta a straw outta 1

after he goes they gedt gf outta sphere and try to escape as clowns chase em

they go through this neon and black nightmare like some kinda 80s drug fantasy and get trapped on a pile of blocks as a wswarm of clowsn comes for em

then the ice cream truck come in and they ice cream dinks use the clown on top of the truck and the speraker to order the clowns toi stand down

1st; how do space clowns know english?@!

2nd; i'm sprporisd the clown on the truck didnt get damaghed busting through the wall

so then this big a55 clown the size of mighty joe young come in and throws the truck which blows and cooks the dinks

if only tyhey styayed virgins

1st; aleins are actually daemons

2nd; daemons/fallen angels whgo bred with huamns made ghiants like in robotech or ancient lore

so klown kong grabs cop and the tent starts taking off as the state coops arrive

cop- uses his badghe to pop king klowns knose and he spazzes out and he returns ion a clown car that falls like 200 feet

also the dinks survived by hiding in the freezer with the ice cream

i wanna say that wont work, but after mythj busters, manswers and 1000 ways to die, i dont know whats real

they ask if its over and glitter falls and credits to cool music

jimmy locust?

1 guy called thanos

candy lewis, whicyhn sounds like a p0rn0 name

wtf, fred fuchs was thanked in this!!

the end

tyhat was pretty fun

nice 80s movie with goodf 80s evffects and looks and style and fun

it goes by fast and has good flow and never drags

its entertaining and has good nhorror comedy and acting and style

nowadays the clowns would be cg and it would be super pc and cringe

i liked this and its a good time

and the nose as the 1 hit kill point was later used in skeleton warriors with the heart stone

for killer klowns from outer space 2 i want the clowns to return but use sexy female clowns to try to seduce the people tro let their guard down with inflatable body parts and skimpy sexy outfits. also its a 16 bit platformer on sega genesis, snes, tg16, atari jaguar and gba where you pplay as a clown and lure men to alleys and zap them with silly string from ur b00bs to catch em and use different fetish things to seduce different guys

Saturday, March 27, 2021

The Devil's Own Review

 note; i spell demony

the devils own

this is my review on tyher devils own from 1997 (the year predatoir 2 happened)

its ghot harrison ford, brad pitt, julia stiles and no one else i know of

i saw a few mions of it yuears ago but havent really seen it

huh, reviews say it s-cked

its directal by Alan J. Pakula who did all the presidents men, sophiesd choice and ther pellican breif

btw i'm watching it on fox so its edited for contents

so its soviet north 1reland in 72 and we get like 2 mins of opening credits

thisd peaceful irishmen fammily had dinner and a masked guy comes in and emptys a gun into the kids dad

news says its cuz he suported the irhsimen against the queen

i used to feel for the irish being oppressed by englanbd, buyt after they voted to taker rights from the unborn, i was like, yeah they earned it

both are bad guys. we otta just nuke em both

then the kid grew up to be brad pit who is doing attacks on places for his reasons

kinda like with mandella in africa,m, but mandella's side won so he';s called a ehro

its 92 and brad pit is on a gee haaad and his gang puts on masks and has a gunfight with those suybsertviant to the regent

man this place is a dump and war zone

its like detroit or something!

1 of brads homies gets capped and they leave him and run

when a regentman somes in, the shot gut fakes being dead and caps him b4 biting it

wait, he's still got some life and this cop asks where brad is and when he sez f u, cop capps him

so the news slants things for the regent andn 1 guy oes to this stone hutt like its the 3rd world or w/e and under the floor is brad

turns out, the place they went to was a fake peace thing as a trap to waste em

then a choper goes by and brad wants to do violence to make them listen to em

so bradmo shaves his face and probabl;y his a55 and goes to soviet new york and meets a judge who sides with him

judge sayts people dont get whats going on in soviet ireland and judger wants tyo help bradmo get cash

brad gets a place to stay with a cop and the cop is indianna jones and han solo b4 disney f'd him

he's got an americano familio and brad sez hes got a construction job

they have dinner and ford has a bunha daughters and he never had corned beef and cabbage

they talk nabout nhis ireland life and 1 little girl asks if brad pitt has a gf as even little girls wanna b0ne him

so at work ford talks to a guy who looks like on jeremy and brad gores to meet a homie and they pal around

sdo later ford and the cops chase a black hguuy and ford jacks a taxi to get ahead of the black guy and takes him down

turns out he stole some c0nd0ms and was too embarrassed to bring em to the cash register and stole em

so ford lets him go

btw this was rated 18+ in america, ireland and pg in singapore and 12-15+ elsewhere

so soviet brad pitt gets a cr-ppy boat and wanna get missiles to sneak back ti a55 hole ireland

meanwhile ron jeremy wants to raise pigs (to b0ne??)  and harrison go top the slums to deal with a mexican fam

the dad mexican pulls a gun and ron jeremy speaks italian to him and they fight

so brading meets a guy to get missiles

later ford has a nice family moment and talks with braditz about soviert irelsand

so later ford drops putt at a cionstruction site and he b00bs it i mean books itto work on his ocean cr-pmobile

so brads homie sez the missile guy called and wants the money

later braditz delivers a poackage to a PLACE AND SEES AN IRISJHJMAN WOMAN

irishman woman meets him atr a skating rink ANDF shhe sezz shes his friends sisater

so brad pittzer haS AN A55 LOAD  of money and hides it and goes to Church with hasrrioson and fam

nowadays theyt'd make the church guys look bad, but here its not

so fords kid (not adam driver or shaia lebuff) is confirmed and theres a partty

they dance irishness and play music irish and irishman womAN SEZ his homie got it and the regents forces might know stuff from him

he meets irisghmamn woman who sez to hold off on the missaile plans and bradinger z wants to retyurn to soviet ireland and she wants tio go with him

brad tells missile guy he can't get em and to hold on but missile guy sez he canm't return em aNDF ITS GONNA COST HIM a lotta cash

so brads talking with the irisahman woman andthese freeakin irish talk so soft its hard to heaR

they indfda kiss while standing up and i think in the real version they were b0ning

later ford aND RON JEWREMY go after a guy who broke into a car and took a gun and runs after firrinbg on em

perp throws the gun away when running from ford and ford lets him go to pick up the item

then detective ron jeremy goes after him not knowing he trwew the guin and caps his a565 back to h e double new york

harrioson tells him about the gun and ron jeremy throws the gun by the perps hands

in a bar they play the song from Ghost andlater ford is disgruntled over the perp getting it

why wound you tell a stranger trhis?! it can be used in trial!

also ford sez the perp didn't have a hard record (which means they only caught him for that)

ford barfs like he just read the disney star wars and says he onmly fired a gun 4x in his career

ford asks if bradinging shot anyone and he sez how his dad got wacked

btw, this is cuz of the queen forcing ireland to bow to her monarchy

if it werent for her and henry 8 deviating from the Church to b0ne more chix, there wouldnt be this

later ford tells his woman aBOUT ron jeremy and now ford wants to reture

woman sez ford did more good than bad and ford sez he lied about the perp

woman reveals she was the only female irioshgman who didsnt wanna marry a cop

so later ford and not leia go to fords home to b0ne and ford fights a masked guy

after beatintg him out aanopthef guy summons and bewats on ford buity braditz comes in and beats em

then a 3rd guy comes in with a shotgun on his woman andthe cops are comming so maskos book it

ford;l its ok, nobody got hurt!

me; yash, those hammer fists and elbow smashes didnt cause danage

so later the cops show up and brad goes to missileguy and kneecap shots a guy working for him

he';s crippled now!

oh and brad knows missile guy was behiund the attack

this is what happens when you deal with crooks! they do crimes!

what next? expecting a drug dealer to sell yhou healthy stuff??

aT HOMe ford notices the maskers were in brads room

brad is shown his  homie who we thik was dead i thiunk and brad is beat up and told to get the money or hes tosast

at home ford finds the cash and irish passportsor fita or w/e brad is

ford calls a guy, oh its ron jeremy, and ford confromts brad for briunging vcrime to his home

brad sez sorry and wants to go but ford sez he knows brads gonna use the cash to ice people

bradf goes on a soft tirade about how being irish s-cked and the brits drove him to it

ford pulls a gun on bradula and ron jeremy comes in andarrests brad

why not just tell em u owe moneyu and ur friends iced ifg he dont pay?

so after a long a55 drive through the ciuty and acroioss the bridge from x men 3, theres a truck in the road and ron jeremy gets out to bicker with pushy new uyorkers

brad beats out fdord and gets out but ronb jeremy rys to stop him

brad caps him after having him at gunpoint and ron jeremy dumba55l;y tries to pulls a gun and drab beats out ford and runs

later the f bi comes in and chats with him about brad being a killer on the loose

a stiff upper crust brit who capped the friend at the start comments on fdord being an irishj and has been given authority by the gov top do what he wants to stop brad mpit

ford dont wanna help as england is the opposite oif america and he knows the brits are gonna ice brad

so brad goers to meet millsie guy (whos totally not gfonna ice him after getting the dough) and brings the missiles

they throw tyhe homies head to them as they bit it off or w/e and brad gives them the cash

in the bag is a blast that takes out a guy and brad takes out 1 guy, uses him as a shield, and uses the guys gun to tyake the other guys out, including missile guy

brad executes the missile guy and meets irsihman woman who sez he better lay low

he dont care and seems to be going on a kamikaze attack

ford goes to a high class party and meets hudge who he asks what the money is 4

he tells jufddge he thinks its about guns and that his fam was mugged and judge wants him toi droip it

ford wants to know where brad is and beats the info outta him

thern sees irishman woman and runs after her

man this is a big a55 house

she sez bradlingers not there and he hears a noise and goes upoand sees brad escaping the roofs

brad gets away saying to keep away and ford grills irishman woman for info

ford sez he understands fiat and sees how it couldve been him but hes gotta bring him in

ford tells her theres a brit who icd the rest of brads unit and ford wants to save brad

bradzinger z i mean foird goes to the boat as i guess irishman woman told him and brass is there with trhe missiles

ford jumps on the boat just as iuts going asd he got there in time and holds badlinger at gunpoint

brad sez to go home to his fam and hes not going back and brad vanishes using irish black magic

ford lurks around the boat hes never been on after brad whos been living there and they shoot at rach other

ford took a hit and brad has ford at gunpoint

but then keels over foir having bin hit

this is kinda like greed by erich von stroheim where the 2 guys who were friends are not rivals and dying in the middle of nowhere

brad goes on a wordy monoclogue and sez frtods a good man and frod sz he wants to get em back to shore

eventually brad blacks out and is probablyu in h e double england and ford tyakes the wheel to bring em back to really anti subtle music

then credits to msuic like in the crow

the end

that was pretty good

its got that 90s feel and stylke and good acting and msuic

it tells a good story and shows how bad both the english and irish are

good morality and duality of themes with the honest cop and the malcontent

sorta like law and order meets silent films like flesh and the devil

glad i saw it

for the devils own 2 i want the brits to continue their opppression of the iroish and basically go around having pubnlic executions of traitors to the regent and forced neutering of irtish to stop themn from makine more irishmen. eventully the international community hasd enuff and shuts off england to the world and they decrode to a wasteland of cannibalism and rotting slums. also its a 32/64 bit n64, ps1, sega saturn ds and psp gamne where you go around an open world and survive until the brits collapse and ftreedom returns.

Tuesday, March 23, 2021

Avalanche Sharks Review

 note; i spell cool like ice

avalanche sharks

this is my review on avalanche shatrks from 2014 (The year of the malcvontent uprisings in Robotech)

IU never saw it b4 but its a made foir tv shark movie and was made cuz Sharknado did well

it stasrs no one i know of and starts i meaN IS DIRECTED BY KEITH SHAW WHO ISNT ON WIKIPEDIA

it was gonna star hulk hogans daughter but she dropped out toi do something else so they changed it from being a sequel to sand sharks

so it sttarts with some pretty 90s and pretty unimprerssive snowboarding

1 guy at the bottom of the hill fires a charge at the mournaint and 1 scuzzy boarder gets his leg shanked on a tree

then a charkj gets him andf credits

btw avalanche shark sounds like a yugioh card, like something shark and rio would use together

then this chick in a bra and mini skirt like valis chats with her freind about a schedual and she dont want this jim carry lookin guy to touch her

she goes out in the bra and miniskirt as she wants the guy to lust after her but not touch

later this other chick is in bed in a shirt and undies and trys to seduce her bf whos worried about something

they say they 20 or 26 but u gotta be 28 to do something

then they b0ne

later in the car, bra chick sez she has to whiz and jim carry not is big on the schedual

she is gonna whiz in the car as i guess the writer has a fetish and he sez this mmountain is cursed and has a monster and long ago, a shark planet was trying to save its race

so its michael bay ninja turtles and styreet sharks?

so then moree fast edited snowebvoarding and thenb at trthis ski place chicks in bras on skiis teasing the sherrif

sheriffs woman sez its their 6 month aniiversery and thaT MEANS SOMEONES GONBNA GET IT!

so these chicks are giggling and this redneck guy watches and talks to his dog

why is he in a farm outfit if its a snowy mountain?!

so kater its night and thedy play 90s/00s music and 1 guy aint seen his bro and they have a bigh a55 fire and say its spring breakl

sheriff's woman is making lobster and is a woman biologist and 1 guy calls him to see if he locked asnyone up

sheriff sez no and he sez he aintg seen his prother

then a chick comes outta the jaccuzi in a bikini and this guy aks si patroll about his bro

hes dead! nmove on!

so he sez his bro went to tyhe other side of the mnounatin and rednack guywarns em of the monster and ski partoler stops him as he sounbds nuts

just like in jaws

sdki patrole is a c-ck sucker who sez theyir ski tag sez "ski at ur ownj risk" and if he got f'd,. its not ski patrols probvlem

juts like how the courts say cops are not required to save u naty the risk of themselves

so some dude goes out in the bright woods at night and the sharke getes hime

then its the next day and people ares kiinmg and b0ning guy chats with his bimbo

so later redneck is out on his dog sled and they stop,. trhen run off w.//e hom

so bro guy wants skii patrol to get off his a55 and find his f--king bro but skii patrol dont care

later a chick sez her cousins missing and sheriff and this black guy trys to swindle the japanese chick into buys hich cost skiis

so a straight white hetero adult same sdpecies couple is out and he just wants to b0ne and she weants to skii but he prefers skiing on xbox

so black guy tells sgheriff to do something about all the missing guys and he does a PA messaghhe, then redneck runs in freakled out

meanwhile, the couple guy wants to b0ne aND she wants him to say he loves her and he dont cuz hes scuzz

she goes off p-ssed at him and a shark heads i mean eats her from the waist down

he can still b0ne her mouth

so later redneck is still warning em and the male in the couple comes back and warns a guy of the dshark

at the shrefiurcs thing he is gonna be charged and tells thsat theres stuff in a file of someone seeing it too

this chick sez she was saved by an angel and oh i think its sherrifs woman

she sez white shharts were taken from an alpine lake by a great spirit(daemon?!@!?) and she's been here trying to prove they rteal

meanwhile the bf and i think the bra chick and her bf are out and they bsee the snow sharks going through the ice

he sed there wasnt enuff ofg his gf left to make a sloppy joe, which reminds me of violencve jack where mad saulus ate his hermaphrodite gf

so he legs the sharks eat him cuz he gave up on livfe a nd bra chick in a shirt and butt buddy run

bro guy finds his bros goggles and this chick is there wit him

i cant keep all thiese dinks straight

so sheriff and his woman cvome by maybe bra chick and butt vbuddy and they tell em andf the shartks come

they opern fire, trhen  book it and the maion cast regropups at the sherrifs place ands i think thAT WASNT SHERRIF B4

the maYOR comes by andmocks em over snow sharks and, wait, sherrif was there as he saw em

mayor sez "if this was new york, would u shut down the city?"

me; nuke soiviet new york!

mayor has the issue shut down like a pro life guy in soviet canada and sherrif is gettin replaced

real sherrif is gonna go out with a shotgun anfmakes a guy a deputy like its a johnm wayne movie

they go out and shefrif nearly caps a snowblower and skii patrol guy takes over and stop em

so then some guys go up in a cable car and a guy tells this chick he wants to b090ne about the shark

in the story in the 1800s people ame for the gold rush and clashed with the natrives who didn't want the land touched as their eviol gos lived there

so the natives got wiped out and a shaman used his black powers to summon his daemon god daemons and trhey wiped out the people

later they bwere sealed and if disturbed, they;'d come back

so reasl sherif sez he's being run outta towen andf has 12 hours 

so later the cable car chick has to pee cuz this film, maker or weiter has a pee fetish and 2 guys clash over her

she omes back and ses the winner of a race gets her and they fo off onb snow mobiles

1 guy wins and when she starets undressing a shark eats her

rtedneck outes oues goes out with a gun and bro guy and a chick warn the bikini girtls in the hot tub to get out

1 does but the others gets eated

btw the shark came in from under the pool and no water left bdesdipte the hole in the bottom

so later skii patroll is tryiong to seduce a chick and theres a blast and he gets out

japanese chick goes skiing at the top and an avanalceh happens

bro guyy trys to get cable car guy tro stop sending guys up and gram=pples and in ther struiggle smackjs out blonde

then skii patrols comes in and sez they were right and an avancalche busts the area

1 chickj gets eated by a sdharkle and i think real sherrif gets it

skii patroler opens fire on it and it goes i mean does jack sh-t and he gets it

waity, hes lingering and the sharks are circling him and want the remaining guys to save him and eat em

in the sherrif hut they find eivdence that the sharkes attacked b4 aND THEY USED A SPELL OR W/.E TO GET EM AWAY

AND sherrifds woman was a kid when it happened and drew a picture of it

redneck takes a shot gun at em and pulls a jack knife but gets eated i think

wait, hes shanking it as its got him i think

1 guy gets a rope on skii patroler and the guys in the sherrif hutt try to puill his a55 over

so they ditch the sherrif hiuytt anbd bro guy is alive with an arm cut andf the 2 chix from b4 are standing out and cant move or the shark will sense em

bro guy runs and 1 chick runs and the sharks slowly go artound her

1 guy fixes this sealing thing that keeps the sharks off and the reunning chick gewts splattered

1 shaRK PLOWS INTO SKII GUY PAtrol and just stops AND VANISHES


f u caps lock

oh i think its the japanese chick fixing the sealing wood thing

so it moves and the sharks come bCK And look like cr-ppy xbox cgi

wait, tthe shakr went after 1 itemm was put bACK AND NOWE THE OTHER OONE DID ANDTHE NEXT WENT

SO THE LAST SHARK TAKES OUT SKII PATROL;L GUY FINALLY AND thvanishes after the last wood thing is restrored

so the survivors escape and it ends with a shark getting the camnera

then ceredits to 90s dance musioc

the end

that was kinda dumb and silly

but entertauning and not irritating

yeaH ITS a goofy movie thats not much sense wuith lots of bikini girls

but its bright and has color and some gore and the cheesy effects are kinfsa fun

i didn['t mind it


but its not trying to be

for a cr-ppy direct to video shark movie, its niot the worst

its got some fun AND ISN'T TOO LONG

its a decent way to spend 80 odd mins

i didn;'t hate it

for avalancher starks 2 i want it to be 20 years later and the kids ofd the survivors come back to the mountain as the sharks have returned and they have cyber saremor and plasma cannons and b lades and gotta take em on. alkso its a 128 bit gamecube xbonx ps2 and dreamcast game where you go around in armor that turns into a snowmobile and do missions to free the area from ice sharks.

Monday, March 22, 2021

Fire With Fire Review

 Note; i spell fl;aming bad

fire with fire

this is my reviiew on fire wiuth fire from 2012 (The year the mayan apocalypse brought back magic in shadowrun)

theres also an 80s version i nerver saw

it stars Josh Duhamel from the bad transformers films i never saw, bruce willis, rosarion dawson from clerks 2, vincent doinofrio from jurassic world 1, 50 cent fromget rich or diie trying, Richard Schiff from the good doctor and Julian McMahon from the goo fantastic 4 movies

man i actually know most of those actorz

its direcxtal by David Barrett who did epps  of star trek discxoveryu, blue bloods, and star trek enperprose

i never saw it b4 and i';m watching it on bounce so its edited fore contente

huh, reviewer sites said it s--cked

so after like a whole min of logos, its lonmg beach in soviet californa asnd a fireman saves an expecnise case of scotch from a bar

hes got a girl and gives her soime booze and later at the fire house the guys chat

they go to get cr-p and main guy goes to a copnveinece store and some guys come in and stick the plac eup

donofiro sez to the black guy his goons wantyed his store and he sez he works for the crips and has theoir protection

donofrio calls the crips and caps the blakc guy and his son and leaves

main guy nails a goon with a metal thing and runs and eveatually is capped buyt his homies come by and save him

later bruce gets word they found someone to out the guy hes after

in jail, vincent getsa note from abn inmate and goes 4 a line upthe good doctor guy is the vincesnt lawyer and when he walks up he names the main guy and his SIN Number

a bl;onde cop sez main guys fam bit it in a fire and he has no fam

she tells main guy about vincent being a gangf leader who iced bruces partner and partnewr woman

and they can't get vinsent w/o him and can put main guy in witness protection

he consents and we get a montage of info and crediuts and main guy is relocated to nrew orleans (where tommy wiseau is from) under a new name

so he getsa a call from willis who sez they ready top triasl and he can return

later rosario finds him about to b0ne a chick he's been sneaking out to see and it turns out its her

later some guys get a room and later she tewaches him to use a firearm as its not soviet california and its actual America

HE TALX ABBOUT HOW he likes being a fireman and she sez shes gonnas move weith him to soviet california

they go to a place and a sniper opens fire and picks her off like j fk 2 electric boogaloo (Or abe lincon 3; butt h i v!)

main guy caps a guy and a van carrys the guy off and later sez they too far from the place to treat him so he lets him bite it

later a souther sez the chix gonna be ok and sez an agent looked at his file and got iced tro cover it

also he found eviodence of him b0ning rosario and sez tthey gotta stasy away til after the triall (cuz that killdrfrom the cell is not gonna try revenge or anything)

so main guy is getting renamed and moved out and bruce finds out tiredes him for being a j-rkoff and wants to have main guy be with him

later vincest calls main guy and tells him not to testify and he dont consent

he sez hes gonna keep on his a55 even if convicted and knows where his woman is and of her fam and he can wait til main guy has kids

main guy sez hes gonna ice him and escapes from the base as the cops try to catch him

later he's back in soviet california and  good dr guy argues to as judge to let his client not be locked up

2 days later he comes by some black guys and they think he;'s a cop and he wants a gun

they beat him up for being white and he sez he wants to ice vincect

they take him in the trunk and bring him to 50 cent and he tells em he wants to ice vincewst

50 trusts him and gets him a firearm of his choosing and hewe goes off to smite vincent

he call rosario to vampire and she wants him to go back

he sneaks in and gets a irishman from the store at guinpoint and wants to know how to get to vincest

main guy and irishman fight  and vincent and goons beat beat dead thre black cop

irishnm gets head head busted in on a fall and main guy carves somethimng in his face

then a car pof vbincents men come at him andhe runs and caps em and they crash

he gets a gps thing or w/e from their car and  escapes

later the cops find irishman with a crips mark on his face and later media sez they found a man nearly beat dead

main guy showers and treats his wounds and goes to tell his firemaN homioes to get police protection

i think his black friends who wanted c0nd0ms was the beat out guy who was said on news

his hmie he talks to sees main guy has a gf and maion guy has him send his cr-p somewhere

at the station, bruce hears the print they foond is in the system but hasd no ID

so bruce puts out a call for main guy and rosario trasces a number an finds its soviet california and ghets ready to book it

main guy breaks in to a plaCE ANd gets beat up by a shaved head guy but shakes the guys leg and turns the tables

veincet gets a call from a guy saying rosario is heading for californbia so that means main guys there

main guy tortures shaved guy by taking off his fingers until he finds what he needs and caps him

so bruce investigates more of the stuff and main guy pulls the fiure alarm but cuts the signam and goes in

he finds good dr guy who sez he believes in the system and if he drops the vincetn then vincest wastes him and his family and his dog (who he's probably b0ning)

main guy gets good dr guy to tell him where vincset is gonna be and vincent meets bruce on vincent turf

bruce leaves and beats out a big guy working for vincent

meanewhile the gang wars are escalating and fireman homie meets risasio

she meets him and reads the note in his stuff given to her he wreote in case he bit it and she wants him to stop his crusade to ice vioncet

he locks her in a room and goes off and is gonna go out but a vincent man busts in and fights her

bruce sez to main guy they have a fingerprint and are gonna put him away but he sez he has to do it and throws the phone out the window

ther vincent guy tasers her out and soaks the place in gas and wait, its main gfuy doign it

he lights it up and calls em but they have rosario in there

his goons scatter and she cuts herself free and casll him saying shes there and he realisez he f'd up\

he goes in wearing fire gear anbd helps her but vincent jhumps out

a wood falls on him  and knox his gun away and they fight and she gets the heated up gun and gets out

vincent runs out and she caps him, waitr, it was just a goon

vincent beats him down and goes for his gun but main gut throws an axe in his chest

then rosairo caps a gas thing and it blows him away but donbbt harm them for some reason

he ses; do u trust me? like hes aladdin and he carrys her out over the fires 

later bruce sez there ewas no evicence of anything left like f--king woundwart in weatership down and puts away the case files

the end

that was pretty good

decent action, goes by fast, has good flow and good effects and style

its got decent acting and vincent is really scummy (which fits as hes ther bad guy)

good action film with good twists

not much awful about it

its pretty bada55

for fire with fire 2 i want it to be about vincent donofrio recovereing from his srs burns and he gets his men to get skin pieces from people to restore his skinless body. it follows bruce willis trying to solve the crime of peoiple with skin chunks chopped out and knowing in his heart its cvincent still around. also its an 64 bit n64 and ds and psp game where you play as his goons gong after a list of guys who wronged vincent and hunting em to take em out and has minigames tyo skin em.

Sunday, March 21, 2021

The North Star Review

Note: Spelliong right is for commies!

the North Star

This is my review on The North Star from 1943

I saw this b4 and have boned up on history on the era since then so this time I'll point out the errors

its directed by Lewis Milestone who did The Racket, All Quiet on the Western Front, the 30s Of Mice and Men and other good stuff

It stars the ubermench Erich Von Stroheim who made Greed that got f'd by the studio, anne Baxter, Walter Huston, Dana Andrews, and a buncha 1800s guys i never heard of

it was made by hollywood to promote the war in favor of the commies of the ussr

spoiler; they were worse than the axis

they were aroiund longer, killed more, and were more ruthless

this film shows the ukraines looking happy and safe in the ussr in the 30s/40s, but in resal life, they welcomed the gremans as heroes and fought with them to save them from trhe commies

after the axis lost, many tries to escape but were rounded up and sent iun trains back to the ussr to be executed

this movie is like is sean penn made it like in team america how he describves a candyland paradide before america came to the 3rd world

now i'm not a nazi, i;m polish, but the commies were worse

its like how -20 isnt as cold as -50

also; this film was later re edited and called armored attack to seem less pro commie after it was relaized they were evil

however this is the uncut ver and its public domain so you can watch it online legal

so aftewr credits and nice msuic and horses i thought were elephants, we get a happy ukraine village with plenty of food and joy and clean living

in real life the soviets had starved the ukraines and had killed quite a lot of them for going against them

so a new baby was pooped out and walter huston looks kinda like joey stalin

he worked all night but everyone is happy in this smurf like village

oh and they have machines and its the last day of school and almost summer vacation

after my grandpa escaped yugoslavia,he came to canasda and as he got off the boat, saw all these guys going to the soviet uniot thinking its a workers paradice

the ones that livesd regretted it

and this movie probably turned a fewe to thinking it was goodf there

yet in real life, not many fought and dies escaping the berlin wall to west germany

also this ukraine fam has a big a55 dinner and pl;enty of food, despite the forced starvation done by stalin in real life

then its 41 and theres radio(they had radio?!) about the germans going at poland and howe the germans drained blood from pole kids to treat their soldiers

i question if that ever really happened

why not just have the germans eating the kids?

i mean with the uncut brothers grimm having all those cannibal stoprys, its more realistic, even if fake

lol 1 ukraine kid has a shaved head like cailou

so theres a graduation and they honmor the high acheivers

btwe, none of these ukraines are played by real uklraines

they aint even slavic! its all irishmen!

they sing a opeful song about hope and peace

so later its harvent time or w/e and evryone has an a55 load of food and town picnic and 1 says they have too many good things at once

they celebrate some ukraniano thing and 1 guy has an accordian like he's weird al as everyone sings like a freakin disney movie

this is ripping off gone wityh the wind about people being happy b4 the war f'd em

a boyvchick and girlo are in loves and think about how they gotta be apart for a 1 year for the future

when i was in high school, i changed schools to go to a slummy schopol and didnt see my fat gf for like a year

also in dbz goku was away from chichi for most of ther marriage

oh its cuz boychick is going to university and wants her to come with him

also she pplans their future of being married and having theatre every night

well, thats the end of them!!

btw this is in b/w and is proper fullscreen

later this chick is ona trip and 2 guys behind her in the cart play chess cuz its slavic to do so

a guy playing chess in a military uniforme sez shes olde fasshioned and don't belong in the new world

so 1 guy is in the guard or w/e and sez he's have to ice people jokingly

the kids walk with guard and sing about being the new genderation who is the future

tomorrow belongs to me?

so later the ukraines fall asleep and we see a sillowette of a bird of the sky on a branch like in alls quiert on the western front

later this chick goes on a cart to be with a guy or something and a feminist whines about her setting back women

then anotherr song buit stop when they hear planes coming

ther planes start attacking em and the ukraines run for cover

just like with president husein and his drones

so they surviuved but the kid not hit and a few others got it

they think about how things were good a day ago and now its f'd

then the planes come to the village and shoot up the place

but when the main guy7 did it in Wings in 27, it was shown as good

the most american voice says on the speakers; the axis attacks ther ussr! we are at war!

then it plays soviet music as people regoroup and unite

a soviet guy says 30 hurt 11 iced and they goptta fight the evil germans as gorillas

also the villagers gotta torch the place and destroy all their food and items so the germans dont get it

imagine if this wasin africa and a guy says "burn ur items and food"

the soviets make the ukraines swear an oath to fight the germans and give up their lives for the ussr

then a military song like in mulan as they ride out

so the germans are heading there and a guy risks the roads to get ammo

he drives an ammo truck but a plane comes down and caps it

he gets out and tells his boys to save the guns (which ain't allowed in germany or the ussr or england) and bites it

1 guy sez year ago they fought for the land and now they gotta ice those against em to keep it

which the democrats find damnngerous ideas of defending yourself

meanwhile, trhe germans, 1 plasyed by erich von stroheim, who's jewish, are driving to the north star village and talk about drs

he was trained by a jewish teacher or dr or w/e and didn't mind

so the ukrains are destroying their homes to own the right wingers cuz someone got shot

my dad, whos watching this with me, notes theres no Chriastian symbols anywhere

they see the smoke and erich notices the axis didnt see burning vollages in weest europe and these ukranianoes are strong

then the germans arrive and shjoot up the place and save the villazges from fire

they ask who;'s responsible and wheres the younger dudes but no one sez

they get the info on who's in charge from a book and are gonna punish the guys fam

the guys woman comes up and won't answerhis questions so they take her inside and probably b0ne her

erich sez her asrm,/leg are gonna be broken and tells the people to answer when spoken to

so laster the germans are in da woods and the couple and guys are thefe and he tells her to gtfo

grandad  sez its good hes scared as fools aint friengtened and he diont want a fool with a gun

boychick and grtandad eeventuaslly j fk the germans aas they were gonna sattack a thing

latewr these guys are in a plane flying over the area and i'm not sure if they are ukranianoes or americanoes

they get shot and the pilot gets it and the pplane goes down but the other guys replace him

oh its uknarinas and they ain't gonna make it so he goes kamikaze on a tank, which i guess its good when the soviets do it, as this was made 2 yewars after the alleged pearl harbor

oh i think it was the ammo truck guys sons

meanwhile, the ukraninao kids are being blood drained and john huston or walter or w/e comes in and see it

he gets a scalple and trys to shank the drs but is caught and erich saves him

he sez they do it to help their soldiers, which is kinda like the allies nuking japan to save their troops

oh erich worked for or listened to huston b4

erichh lets huston help a ukraniano kid and the kid biters it

erich sez the huston isn not a danger to em and huston goes offand brings the dead kid to his base

so later the ukanines see the germans trucks and bikes going by and counting its distance

boychick and girlo are heading for the cliffs and they talk about only knowing hunger recently

he kisses her on the mouth after getting consent(unlike most of california or new york)

boychik plans to open fire at the bikes and delay em to let rthe others get across

but girlo wants to fight with him but he ses he'df meet her on the hill latyer

well, thats the end of him!!

also another chick don't like seeing them togetehr

this reminds me of that other american movie about the chinese fighting japan in ww2

dragon seed or w/e

hollywood sure likes siding with the guys who turn out to be evil

so other chick is scared and wants to do something right and dont wasnna be scared

in the real verion she probably prayed to The Lord

but in the real ver she was also fighting the soviets

they fire off at the bikers and as the trucks stop the wagons of the ukrnauiens escape

the germans coem at em with better guns and theres a gunfight

she walks out in the openm like a dumba55 and gets capped

then both get it from a german grenade

at the hill the girl;o goes back and it turns out boychick survivced as he wakes up

he gets f'd by seeing the other gils body and goers one eay, buyt goes back

he blacks out and later the girlo and grandad find him and hes ook

btw, if they can goi back and get him, then why did they need to cause a disturbance to get by?!

later its revwealed he might be blind

they f--ked out his eyes!!

so the ukraninses go to free the kids being drained by the dr's 

yet if someone tries to save the unborn, they are called evil

they put gasoline in the water, which will f=--k their land, and toerch it and the germans blow

just like the dirty dozen where they put germans in a vault and pourt gas on em and roast em

so the ukrnaies come in on horseback liek in birth of a nation and theres a big shoot out

the ukraines find their fam and reunite and huston confornts erich over draining the kids dead

he regrest it but dont show must emotion and and huston goers on a tirade about those who do evil for others but don't mind are worse

then huston murders ewrich who was unarmed and was only doing his job

so the ukraines escape in carts and hope for a better future and a free world

spoiler; after the war the ussr kills more than the axis

the end

that was a load ofm commie propaganda

it gets history more wrong than my civil war movie sabout the confederates nuking california

but, it wasn't awful

its entertaining and tells the lie well

it was made to promote the soviet unuion and demonize the germans

its kind of a comedy with how much it gets wrong

but the mopvie is entertaining and has good acing and effects

i enjoyed watching it but i know its all fake

then agaiun, most movies screw up the real story

nowadays any movies sent in pre civil war americvas shows the evil slave owners and the oppressed slaves and no diviation from the norm

imagine a slavery movie about a cannibal owner who eats his slaves?

its not that much different than how moviers do it now

i like the 40s style and its a decent made film

for the north sttar 2 i want it to be ther 50s and the ussr has taken over and have run things intoi the ground. there's no food and people arer now eating each other. they roam the wastelands of the ussr and eat people when they get too close. also its a 32/64 bit playstation, sega saturn and n64 game where you are in a fps and go arounfd eating people instead of  guns and you finish em off by eating their screaming head.

Thursday, March 18, 2021

The Idea Of March Review

 note; i spell better than george clooney thinks

The Ides of March

this is my review on The Ides of March from the distant future year of 2011(the year of ther 1st robotech warr and transformers the headmasters)P

its got the commie george clooney from baTMAN AND ROBIN, the well done ryan gosling from breaker high, phillip seymore hoffman, paul giamatti, marisa tomei and some others i don't know

its directed by greorge clooney and i never saw it b4 but heard its good

after like 2 mins of logos we get sean hamlin from breaker high preparing fore aploitical thing and tesating his speech

theres an election, wait, da primary and its soviert clooney vs canadian ryan reynolds

commie clooney is an ex caholic and defends any gods

wait, he gives da speech ryan did

george is the candidate and is a democrat and ryan is his minion

giamatti and hoffman take shots at each other and talk about democrats voting in an athiest

wtf ryan is called steve, like stevie boyardee, an alias he used in breaker high

so hoffman sez he's got this by the a55 with candy a55 clooney

marisa chats with ryan drummond about about boy george and stevie sez george is gonna BE THE ONE for America

she sez georgio is gonna let him down (Like president husein??)

so ryan finds a clip of georgie saying weak things about not fighting their enemys and ryan has it silenced like twitter did that bidet story in 2020

also a blonde gets ryan some dirt on the other guy he's gonna useits revealed she worked with ryan in iowa annd he didnt recall her

so seymore butts sez the republicans don't got a good guy this time and if this guy hoffman's chatting with endorses george, it can help

ryan sez anypne who turns 18 and graduates high school gives 2 years in the country and the ones who deal with it asre too young to vote

georege likes this idea (enforced servatude??)

ryan ggets a call from paUL and wants to meet to show him something

at da bar paul trys to get ryan to change teams and george is going down so he can get on the winning team

later commie as55 george is on an interview witrh charlie rose where he sez he's ok with letting killers not be put to sleep but might be with the unborn

so the blonde chats with ryan and reveals shes 20 but thats underage in w/e commie state they in

once i was talking with some nerds about DBZ chix and when I mentioned Krillin and 18s kid Marron\, they thought she was underaged

In the Buu arc sahge's 3, in End Of Z she's 13, in GT she's 18-20

They said she's still too underage at 20

although the human brain don't finish developing until its in its mid 20s

also the guy saying 20 is underaged drew sexy art of Sailor Mars who's 15

so the next day geoege i mean ryan has b0ned the blonde and the news sez republicans vote for the democrat they know they can beat, i e, not geoege

so latyer geoere is on a plane with george

geworge flies it toward the sears tower saying "gacy ack bar"


reaLLY ryan sez he does what he does as he believes in the casuse

gerge has a dark view of ryans furture and they go to a speech where george tries to sell communism by bashing people with money

as that worked sooooo well in the ussr in the 1910s when they iced the czars fam and went into a jet black age of murder and evil

ryan sez to phillip seymore butts that he met giamattio and its revealed the campaign is f'd

commie george has hantasy ideas of not using oil and having no cars in 10 years even though oil is used in plastics like surgical equiopment and health packaging

so george finds he's f'd  but can get back by giving a guy a cabinet post

he don't wanna as the guy disagrees with geoeges communism andf dont consent

so clooney talks with his woman and later has a thing comparting gayness to being black

then we see ryan b0ning the blonde as he watches a news thing of geoerge giving a speech

what are you? gay?!

so later a phone rings and ryan answers it and later he tells her about it

he calls back and finds its the governer calling

wait, isnt that clooney?

so aparently cloonery b0ned her too

now ryan has clooney's aids

its just liuke ryan gosling b0ned george clooney himself

like sharing food is like a kiss

also she went to clooney to get money to ice george's unborn kid

so ryan goes to work and the mood has changed as he knows clooney is sleaze

unable to take it he pulls out a tommy gun and shred the place and all the people saying "see you in h-ll clooney!!" then puts the gun in his mouth and blows his head open


really he sends a guy to get some money or something and tells blonde 5kank to meet him in the stairwell at noone

later ryan gets money and reporter tomei calls him and sez she knows he met with giamattia

she meets with him and sez shes gona say ryan met paul and he calls paul and sez he thinks paul leaked it

paul denies it and ryan sez shes using it to black male him

paul sez to tell them the other commie democrat has the something, i don;'ty know, its hard to follow

so ryan is gonna help her assassinate georges illegitimate son like he's bobby kennedy and gives blonde the money

he tells her to leave the campaign and sez he still supports the campaign

sacrificing sa human life for a job, how evil

you could say its a ritual sacxrifice like with the cananites or azteks

so with no words, we get a thing of ryan taking blonde to get georges kid wacked

imagine if he was b0ning a kid instead of chopping one up? that would be seen as unforgivable, but not this

so ryan goes to the work and sez the tomei wants sh-t and phillip seymore butts sez he leaked it to get ryan out and cuz he didn't like ryan meeting giamatti

hoffman goes on a tirade about how he had a chance to change teams and didnt and lost but went on to win better later

and as he thinks ryan can't be trusted, he's canning him, asnd george agrees

so ryan forggot about blonde and she has to walk home asfter being sold kill pills

when she gets back a guy tells her ryan got canned and this dink is in the captains chair

its revealed ryan is gonna take everyone down for f--king him

i hope clooney goes down hard

so ryan goes to the other commie guy and joins giamatti and is gonna go full starscream

just like mad saurus in violence jack, giamatti thinks if ryan betrtayed george, he's betray them

but ryan has a Trump card

ryan figgers out giamatti knew ryan was gonna tell seymore and that seymore would ernd him

its all according to plan. now ryan is out of georges campaign

he knows giamatgti f'd him

now ryan goes to this hotel room and finds blonde commited suicide (which is murder too with her unborn kid)  by taking a whole bopttle of kill pills

she clainms to be catholic but is ok with adulterey, murder and suicide

at least gacy knew suicide was a sin

so ryan listens to his messages and blonde left him a bucnh

the news reports on it and sdays it was an accidental overdose with booze

odd enuff, hoffman is shown on watching and drugs waked him

ryan meets a black guy and george gives a speech saying he's sorry for it

he sez he knew her which in bible slang means he f'd her

then geoege calls george on mollys phone and geoerge sees him and knows ryan knows

ryan meets george in a closed bar, which should be a factory as thats where fina;l battles happen

ryan is black male ing gheorge for his job back as he knows he got her pregnant

ryan admits theres not much evidence and he has a note saying shes pregnant, and called him about it

ryan admits he covered it up for george and george figgers out it was  ryan b0ning her and on the fone

geroge figgers its just ryans word against georges and as she iced her kid, there's no evcidence

so later hoffa55 is out and george picks him up in a black car

after slence for a while he walks out and they drive off

in the real version they were b0ning

later a55man sez ryan got the job and then we have a service for the blonde

spoiler; she's probably in h-ll!

her dad gives a speech ovber being buummed she's gone and says good sh-t about her

ryan meets seynome and sez he knew blonde since she was born

ryan sez he might have something on seymore when seymore thinks ryan has sh-t on da george

so the black guy gives his endorsement for evil geroge and givesaa a speech full of promise that he totally can fulfill

tomei sez she weants to know what ryan collage did to get the job or w/e

then we get ryan in back in his job where the movie started of him preparing for goeiprge

georse sez a speech about dignity mattering asndf ryan looking into the camera to dark music

the end

that was well done

like birth of a nation, its got bad stuff in it promoted, but tells a good story

you see how evil these democrats can be and how politics can be dark

kinda like Thomas Dixon said after serving a term

its a well made movier and even though i'm not big on candy a55 clooney, he made this film work

i may diagree with the people and message, but it told a good story that shows how things can be with bad guys

just like birth of a nation

for The Ides Of March 2, I wasnt ryan to be haunted by his guilt over the kid he had iced and being part of the blonder comitting seppuku. eventually he wants to go clean but george dont want that to happen and tries to have him iced. also its the election and george can't let any loose ends exist and was gonna have ryan iced anyway. its also an 8 bit nes, gameboy, master system, game gear, atari 7800 and lynx and tg16 run n gun platform game where you play as ryan and gotta  take out georges goons and get the evidence you stored away and get it to the internet to take out clooney's campaign.

Thursday, March 11, 2021

The Lawless Breed Review

 Note; i spell bad but i'm not as nuts as lucy

the laweless breed

this is my review on the lawless breed from 1953 (th year the robotech actors was pooped outta their moms)

it hjas rock huidson, lee van cleef, glenn strange and no one else i know of

its directed by, Raoul Walsh?? Ooh. Sounds good. He did blackbeard the tirate, captain horatio hornblower, white heat, sadie thompson, and was in the good Birth Of AS Nation

I never saw this but its based on thje true storey of John Wesley Hardin

so like a good disney film, it starts with a book and credits

its fuillscreen and colored

then text sez this outlaw name jkohn wrote his story and this is it

in prioson in 96 this  guy finishes his jail time and goes free

he was probably b0ned a lot

he offers his story to a guy to make into a booke and is gonna go outta town

then book guy reads it and it sez he was arrested for crimesb and blamed  for sh-t

he was born to a texas family in 63 and at age 7 his bros were iced and crippled by yankees in the war

texas was oppressed by the yankees like america in 08-16 and his dad was a badA55

so then hes rock huisdon and his dad whips  him for buying a  gun with gaMBLING MONEY

his dadwants  him tonot be a sinner as he cares

nowadaysa kids dads doont get em off the sin path and let em go downn and suicide wehen they f up their lives and bodies

he wants to have a good lifew with this chick he likes but it tired of things being a55 for him

he wants to do a cow thing and loves this chick and kisses her with consent

so rockman sells his law books for 20 $ and wants to start faRMERY

then rock plays cards and a guy thinks he cheatedf and rockmAN BLASTS HIM

he takes cash from a table and books it and the sovirt yankees coome after him

the bros of the capped guy wanna wack rock and rocjk stops by a farm and sez he capped a guy and a few yankees on the escape

oh its his uncles farm

so rocky goes on a cattle thing and guys are on his a55

in a card game with a guy roocky wiins and the guy slips he tried to cheat

he goes on the cattle thing and dreams of having a farm with the chick

at a town this chick sings aS rockman x plays cards and guys come for him

they say the fam of a guy he iced wantsa a deathmatch and he sez no

rockman zero wants his pay for a dress and goes to face the guy

after capping him he goes baxck and gets paid for his work to buy his woman a weeding dress

then gambles itand wild bill hickock pulls a gun on him

but he slips out his gun and wild bill sez rockmAN ZX HAS A 1 HOUR to get oputta towmn

btw the guy who gave the story wasnt john wasetly hanukah

but the dress won't be ready tiltomorrow anbd the cattle men sez to make it in 1hour

haste makes waste

or in power puff girls; paste makes waste

so they get the dress in less than an hour or the pizzas free and therytest the dress over chix in a bar

wild bill comes in and shopots the clock and sez he's got 1 min lerft and rockman zx advent sez he's gooing

so he goes to his woman and kisses her with consente and sez hes got the cash to buy her the land to live on and has a wedding dress

she knows he iced some guys and said she promised rockman zx spectrums dad that he's marry em

dad dont wanna marry em until he's free of the law and wants him to get a trial

and if its not fair, he'd use a gun to free him like staALLONE

ROCKMAN EXE  gets paied 1200$ to do his case and wants more and rockzas goes off to make more cash and leaves his fireamrm behind

so then theres as horse a55 race and i think the rock wins

the bar chick comes by and seems bumnmed he'sa marrying another wo man

also she worrys about him being out unarmed

theres an other race and rock man wins and gets an a55load of cash

at da bar where they get paid the shwerrif arrests rockxy for capping a guy a whiole ago

he sez on mondday hes turning himself in after his wedding and as he walks out, hes capped and returns fire to waste the sheriff aND ESCAPES

he gets home and serz he iced the guys who capped him (1 was a bro of the guy i think) and hios woman gave up on hiom for capping a lot of people

he mouths off to his dad and blames ewveryonme else for starting it

if i get kicked outta 100 schools, is it the boards fault?

so A poSSE COM,RES for him and he goes out, sez it was self defence, and they say he did itresisting arresdt

rock hudson goes out the back door to escape and a gunfight breaks out

he gets a hit and escapes on horse a55 and chickgets capped by running out in the middle of a gunfigfght like a dumba55

if this were in canada irt would have her hit by a car after running into traffic

or maybe walking on railroad tracks as a train gradually comes over making loud sounds for like an hour getting there

so he gets across the crick and hides as the posse goes by and later the bar chick finds him and the guy he was with and treats his woundsd

when he comes to he hears they're by soviet kansas and the chick got iced

so years later hes still on the run and living (in sin?) with bar chick

he's still wantimng to make big cash and settle down

later texas rangers likew walker come by and she's been saying hes her brother

she comes in on his card game w/o motorcycles and gives the signal that guys are on his a55

he sneaks around and they open fire on him and he picks her up and they run on horse a55

months later after this kansas trap f'd out he's on a farm and living with her

she b--ches about her hhate fort farms as sh had bad exp on em and they are in alabama

she eggs him on abvout how farm ork is harder than card games and he sez he wants da farme

later he returns with a priest and he marrys her

later shes malcontent over woman sh-t like cooking and she reveals shes got a baby in er a55

later they send a paper email to dad and say shes got a baby in the oven (or is that bun) and i think a gov guy reads it at the mailthing

later she sez she likes being his housewife and he goes out and goes to get a ticket to sovirt pensicola

the texas rangerscatch him and he fights hisd way but they overpowewr his a55

hes tried and found guilty and the judger has it out for him

he gets 25 years in the sodomy hole as most witrnesses can't m,ake it as they are in h-ll

he sezx he was only convicted by public opinion and it was self defence

al;so his womaN POOPED OUT A BABY

then 16 yearsa in he got a pardon and the story ends and the book guy finishes the book

so rockman returns to the farm and reunites with the bar chick

he meeets his son and he looks manly like an anime teen in the 80s

son pulls out a gun that rock had and plays witrh it and rock has viet nam flash backs and backhands his boy

son rides off on a house and rock goes FTER HIM AS HE SEES HIMSELF AND HIS BAD PAST AS SONSD FUTURE

SON HAS SOME WHISKERY even though hes 16 and a guy mnouths off to son

rock takes the gun off and throws it to a guy and they walk outy  anbd the guy caps rock thinking hes got a gun

son trys to avenge him but rock sez to not go down dat road

they ride off home together evenn though in the real story he bites it

the end

that wasnt so bad

good story on whhy being a viopplent malcontent is bad

nowadays teens attack people for fun or cuz theyre on drugs and get capped

good acting and music and work and it feels good

it shows how vilence can f it up

its a decent rock hudson movie and holds up well today

plus the texas is the good guys and the yankees are the bad guys

just like real life

btw i hear in real life the rock hudson guy was known to cap a guy for snoring too loud and was a violent malcontent or w/e

for the lawless breed 2 i want it to be about thw son and dad going on a hunt for the Momo the Monster cryptid and finding its in a dimennsional void located in kasnas where they have been capturing human chicks and used em for breeding to create hybrid things to use as slaves. also its an 8 bit rpg like nadia the secred of blue water on nes, gamewboy, master system, game gear, ataRI 7800 AND LYNX AND TG16 where you go around the sasquatch realm and go around in this weird la blue girl/ urtotsukidoji place to stop em.

Tuesday, March 9, 2021

Reptilicus Review

 Note; i speell reptilian


this is my review on Reptilicus from the distant fuuture year of 1961(100 yeaRS AFTER lincon started THE CIVIL WAR)

its directed by Sidney W. Pink who did niothingh i ever saw or heard of

it stars a bunch of danes i never heard of aand ive never sdeen this film b4 but i hear its a monster movie

apparently, american international pictures chaanged sh-t for the america release and the directer got p-ssed

ooh, its fiullscreen and colored

so it starts with aa narrator saying artuic miners digging for copper (despite it being in a jungle) found something

1 finds blood aND WE GET title

in da drill they find leaTHERY SKIN And bones annd deside to find out more b4 digging for copper

btw this is some woodewn acting, its like a p0rn00

later science nerds come by and a reporter and talk about a large creature under the surface and it was frozen

and nerd thinks the friction tthawed it out and this  thing might be a reptile

so they go to sooviet copernmhagen and theres a blonde chick named lisa like in da room drioiving a ferrarri mustang

the nerds say they found more remnants and they study em and 1 nerd sezthe bones are like shark cartilage

they have a frozen tail and find the whole thing would be dinoi sized

and 1 nerd has a chick for a daughtr and in 1 part is an ellectric eel and everything runs on electricity (as opposed to what? whale oil??)

later at night 1 nerd cuts out a piece of the tail and stufddfys it but the freezer door opens as it wasnt closed right and he falls asleep and the tail thasws

in da day, lisa and dad come in and ffind the tail defrosated and is healing like wolverine or hulk

so later a army guy comes and threy giove a press conference and he explains what regeneration isd as the peole here are room temp iq

just like star fish, each piece of a thing can regenerate into a wole thing and 1 papoaRAZZI SEZ TO CALL ITR REPTILICUS

later 1 inbred seeing guy puts his hand in anm electric eel tank and spazzes out anf then the tail breaks something asnd sets off an alarm

so the thing is regeneratying aand greowing intoi itsd final form like unicron in traBNSFORMERS ENERGON, OR DEATHZARUS GETTUING ENERGY FOR HIS THING IN TRANSAFORMERS VICTORY

so a guy and a chick, i diudnt see which oone, go around town for a day to a montage

at night at a club tthis chick with really cut back hair sings

later its raining like soviet england and someone goes in da lab and sees the thing is moving

he calls 4 help oon da phone and gets inbred fred to go to da cops like they would know what to do

so inbred fred goes to da cops aand they dont csare and the lab is busted and da tthing got out

army guy, named grayuson like carter from power rangers lightspeed rescue, organizes the thing andsends out da troops at a sighting

then we sdee it and it looks sorta like a power rangers monster

they open fire on it for a few mins like in violence jack


also how would bullets stop it ifg it can rewgenerate from a tail stumnp?

so it heads to the beach to b0ne some bikini bimboes and takes out a home  with a fam in it

theey try tanks amnd flame throwers and it goes in da sea

the newwrds say itsa an evolution thing between reptile and mammal from 70 million years ago

spoiler; creation science sayus da urtrh is 6000 years old anbd he's probasbnly a demon

also it needs air to breathe despute being underground for years and regenberasting friom a piece of a55'

later a battleship boat finds it under water and fires on it

another blonde chick trys to tell them not to blow it sapasrt but he dnt listen

se eventully sexz if he blows apart, each piece would grow into a new one and they stop the attack

but its arm gets blown off

also head nerd bites it i think

so is this thing the tarrasque? just get some wraiths and drain his constitution until its 0

so lisda finds nerdad is in the hos[pital and is bummed

so 2 weeks later army guy is still waiting for it to show uip and lisa dad nerd is doing better

then rep[tilicis starts buisting sh-t in the sea and taking out boats

who not collect ki from everyone and nuke every cell in its body with it?

worked in dbz!

1 miner bla,es himself for finding it underground

later its a beach and all these bikini chix are there and reptilicus shows up

da army shows up andits kinda like the 1st season of robotech and theres nop signer of it

it shoes up in da city and people run asnd it barfs acid onm em that if maDE TODAY, WE'D SEE EM MELT TO BONES


why not use gas?

or acid fire?

as people run a guy raises a bridge and people fall and da rest are stuck

so re relowers da bridge

it goes in da water and army guy wants to lure it to the open country and bust iot with the big stuff

so da citysd burning and its bustin things up and they blast at it to send it on

army guy sez to only fire omn his order and to hold da line

a guy openedc fire and got acid melted and it returned to da city

army guy wants to blow it apart but scientist sez that would make him worse as they wouldmnt find all the bacon bits and they'd grow back to many monsters

army guy dont know what else to do and dadnerd spazzes out and gets a SHOT TYO CALM HIM

army guy thinks of using a drug to stup the rep and i think shin godzilla ripped this off

so the chicks and miner make the drugs ands its put into shells as reptilicus f--ks da town

army guyy wants to fire it in its mouth and i think reign pof fire ripped this off

an ambulance attracts it and a guy sacrifices  himself by driving a jeep at it and gets cruished to lure it back

army guy fiores in its mouth and it goes down

tthat went to its brain pretty quicxk

so da town's f--ked and army guy sez its gopod theres  no more like it

then in da sea its arm movves around

the end

that was pretty good

nice decent pg 60-s movie

better than the giant behemnoth

its kinda cheesy but it works

its worth giving a wtxch and isd only lie 80 mins

gl;ad i saw it

for Reptilicus 2 I want it to be years laster and the armn has grown into a new Reptilicus, but animalsd vbit off parts of it and it mutated em into Reptilicus abiomination hybrids under its control. using these it buiolds an army and fights against mankind in a war of man and monster. also some people have betrtayed the human race and joined Reptilicus to eat its fleash and b3e devolved into its abominous slaves. and one tough blonde with bad 80s hair leads a fight against it inb a post apocALYPTIC wasteland and has found that its acttually a daemoin sealed away since Noahs Flood ands they can use holy items to stop it. Its also a 32 bit RPG on Sega Saturn, PS1, GBA, 3DO, PSP and N64 and you play as this bl;onde and fight monsters while searching for holy items to beat the monster

Thursday, March 4, 2021

Tumbleweed Review

 Note; i still spel  bad


this is my review on tumblleweed from the distant future year of 1953

its got ayuudie murphy and Russell Johnson from Giigans island and Robotech II The Sentinels and lee van cleef

i never saw it b4 but aUDIE murphy is usually good

ooh, its got lyle talbot from 20 000 years in sing sing

its directed y nathan jaran who did 20 million miles to earth, attack of the 50 foortt woman and 1st men in da moon

sop after crdeits, audie rides his horse in a vioilene jack wasteland and finds a corpse

the body is indiann aND as akimg being dead to shabnk him but audie counters

he digs a bullet outta him and gives him water and indian wonders why a White man would help him

thats racist

he sez his dads is akila (akira?!) AND will be there soon

so audie goes to town and talks to chix he's guarding in the wasteland

he takes em the long way around in their coaches to avoid indians

audie goes up ahead and the chix talk about what guy the blond should marry

audie sees smoke signals and heads back and they prepart for battle by hiding the women

oh and blondes friend has a baby and audie hides em in a cave behind a tumbleweeed

later its dark and Audie decides to have em escape but the indiansd attck

they fight em off and Audie wants to try a peace meeting with Akila and goes with tghe indians carrying a White Flag

he sez to Akila he's sons friend and wants peaceful passage

Akira sez his son has no White friends (racist) and they beat him out, tie tim to the ground and leave him to cook in the sun

akila; white man have too little sun

me; imagine if i said my japanese cousin had too much for beign taned?

later akiras woman frees him for helping her son

he goes back too town and everyone there hates him cuz they think he deserted the party and the party got iced

the owman survuived though and the others were chopped up and probably b0ned

the town wants to string him up and he sez he helped thew akiras son and they think hes in league with em

they nealry lynch him but sherrif stops it and takes audie to jail so the guys dont waste him

later blonde visits audie in jail and sez she didn't know if it was true and sortry for not standing up for him

later, the indian comes in, shanks the guard and breaks out audie

also he sez a White man told akila about the wagons and they escape

indian gets capped in the escape and gives audie a necklace and audie takes a hit as he gets away

later its dfay and his horse has a bullet hole and he goes to take another one

the other ones run but a pale horse comes to him and is all crippled out from being raised on some animal milk as its momm got it from russlers

he ghoes back on his capped horse and rides on and sheriff comes following

audie goes to a farm and tells him da story and sez someone set up the wagon ambush

he blacks out and farmers woman treats him and the sherrif comes by with his crew

the farmers cover for him and say he's heading to indian turf and audie gets the pale horse saddled up and goes on

audie goes through the desert and goes up a tall thing on his cr-pmobile horse and the sheriff guys go on thinking he couldn';t make it up there

so audie goes on and after a rest, goes to a forest and finds a gold finding pan and ore

later farmer wife tells blonde she helped audie and that audie is in love with her

wife sez long ago this guy was gonna get lynched and she left her life to help him

now hes her husband and she never regretted it

so sherrif and crew are on his trail and audie runs into this fat guy

audie shares water with him and fatty sez he was nearly got by an indian force

audie goes on and the sheriff party isd running outta water but goes on like with Greed by Erich Von Stroheiuim

audie gives his cr-pmpobile horse water in his hat and heads for the springs

in town a guy left the sherrif party and sez many party guys dumped it

so professer narratrior from roboptech 2 wants to hunt down audie and blonde goes with him

sheriff goes around da desert following trax and goes back and auidioe finds the water hole dried out

global warming??

he decides to wait til tark and horse digs in da dust and finds watewr

after drinking they go off and audie covers da water with a tumbleweed

as he goes he sees sherrif co,e over and finding dry springs

he goes bacvk and saves him and gets his gun

he sez he didnt have a key or knife to ice the guard and if he goes bACK THE town will string him up

sheriff gets sick and talks to audie and his crew sneak attacks  audie

sherrif was faking and keeps the crew from lynching him

then the indians got em surrounded andis gonna wait em out in the heat

audie sez to fake being dead and he and his horse and the guys go out and fake biting it

the indians come down and the guys shred em with gunfiire and they catch akila whos got a few extra holes

more indians come and they fight em off and the indians run

the professor and blondeand friends come by and drive wem off

audie sez son bit it saving him and shows the beads

alika supports audie and finers professor and bites it

preofessor takes bloinde hostage and escapes on a big a55 horse and audie goes after him on the cr-pmobile horse

they fall off da horses after a chase and fight

use the ryu en bu!!

thery climb these star trek looking rocks and fight and audie kicks him off the cliff as professor was gonna mash him with a biog a55 rock

say hi to giligan for me, IN H-LL!!

audie gets da horse and the blonde and a good ending

the end

that was nice

kinda like lord of the rings with most of it being people travelinmg and a few fights

audie plays a good guy who's f'd but fights fore redemption

its kind of a theme he does

good twists and good musi and acting and story

nice pacing and it don't drag

a solid western and tells a goood tale

For Tumbleweed 2 I want them to get back to town but the members strtill think he's a traitor and akila lied for him. cuz they homies. Eventually a maLCONTENT GROUP TRIES TO string him up and he has to fight em off in his cabin. Also its a light gun game on sega saturn and playstation 1 aND PANASONIC 3DO WHERE YOU fight in several levels in the cabin and ranch and cap guys trying to cap you and player 2 is his woman.