Saturday, October 29, 2022

Gunpoint Review

 note; i spell gunneriffic


This is my review on Gunsmoke from the distant future year to paul revere of 1966 (60 years before transformers zone)

it stars audie murphy from The Red Badge of Courage/Ride Clear of Diablo/Destry/The Guns of Fort Petticoat/Cast a Long Shadow/The Texican, Warren Stevens from Forbidden Planet/The Twilight Zone /Star Trek /M*A*S*H, Edgar Buchanan from Abilene Town/Shane/McLintock!/The Twilight Zone, Denver Pyle from Ride Clear of Diablo/The Alamo/The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance/Maverick. Nick Dennis from A Streetcar Named Desire/East of Eden/Spartacus/Birdman of Alcatraz, Royal Dano from The Red Badge of Courage/The Red Badge of Courage/the 50s Moby Dick/The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn/the 60s King of Kings/7 Faces of Dr. Lao/Moon of the Wolf/The Outlaw Josey Wales/Little House on the Prairie/Killer Klowns from Outer Space/The Dark Half, Morgan Woodward from Cool Hand Luke, William Bramley from the 60s star trek, Robert Pine from Empire of the Ants/Rover Dangerfield/Independence Day/California Dreams/batwatch/the west wing, John Hoyt from Julius Caesar/Blackboard Jungle/Spartacus/the 60s Spartacus/X: The Man with the X-ray Eyes/Flesh Gordon/Desperately Seeking Susan, Ford Rainey from the 80s Halloween 2 and some guys in cr-p i never saw

its directed by Earl Bellamy who did notjhing I saw

so after logo and creits and title in proper fullscreen and nice color, wee hear in the 8180s there was alwlessness ain soviet colorado and raiders and outlaws went on atttacks

holy f its mad max

so this bad dude named drago like from rocky 4 and 8 was reading malcontents to jack things and waste people

man hes like h-lls wind in violkence jack!

so the sherrif and deputy brought a shipment of money to his townand its audie murphy

they go to da train and deputy thinks its safe and when they get there, theres  abuncha zenttraedi thetre cjopping a tower

so audie jumps on da train and co pilot gets on da bacl

co pilot caps audie from behind and he falls off a moving train and the malcontents pull the water tower on the tracks

the train busts into it and stops which i thiunk the train would plow trhrough it and blows the train with dino mights

so the drago comes to a town and wants to hang out there as theres no law to asstop em and he wants to b0ne some chicks

so the town is f';d as they needed that money and cant get mroe and they got a mine to run and has no sherrif

co pilot is made new sherrif and the bank might have to close if they dont get the m,oney

then outta nowhere, audie comes in and sez he knows not what happended as o pilot sez he looked and didnt dinf him

also theres a guy who wants to buy something and is a suspect and they need a marshall to go into the near town and he might not make it in time

outside copilot meets a guy who he tipped off and sez he didnt do it for the money and the town is calling in a marshall to drago gotta get out

audie gets patched up and he has f'd eyes for a few days from the damage

theres a gunfireding and 2 guys are iced but 1 lasts long enuff to say "save da town for me" and he wanna go in w/o the sherrif i mean marshall

in the salloon is this blonde who sings a soft loving song and drago likes her

audie comes in and tells da salloon owner hes looking for a killer and even though hes not authorizd to qorek in this area, he gets permission from the owner as hes got firearms and men

audie likes da blonde and thery know each other

then drago grabs her at gun to her head and gets out as a hostage as they block the door with a wagon

audie gors after em and cop pilot is there and its a montage from acxross the wastelands

man we'rer half an hour in with adds, that felt like nothing

so they coime to a place full of bodiues and hear whistling and find thhe salloon guy playign solitare

he claims he was attacked by apache and was gonna look for drago but audie thinks hes doing drago to gaiun power of da town

also the blonde was gonna marry hnim and audfie dont buy it but wantys to help audie find drago

audie dont care for him and theres indians there ansd salloon sez he iced 4 scouts

they discuss what to do and dont stand a chance againsta ll those indians so this mexico gets a big a55 knife

the indians afttack and the Americans counter fire as the infiands dive out of the horses like its a pool

evantually the indians escape and tthe Ammericans move out after the drago even though some guys are banged up and wanna gi back

dragoi is going to indian countryt and a few guys queer out and run home but they were voolunteers and auduie is paid to do it

also co pilot is f'd in the leg and will still go-ill on-ill

salloon owner wants his blonde back and audie claims its only 4 money

they go and find draghos camp but its empty and they find a scarf of the bloinde

then blonde is on a horsew being chased on horsebacvk by indians and is wearing a different outfit than she was caught in, like gilligans islland ewith ginger

audie saves her and its revealed she was sent off to draw away the indians, as he didn't care if she was b0ned dead

audiee talks with her and she misses how he was nicer 8 years agho and left onn a cattle drive but didnt eturn

he sez thingsa went wrong and he looked for her but found she was a salloon singer and didnt like it

is she a h--ker?

so blonde and salloon guy are gonna go back but theres indiuans around so they go with audie and friends

If she were a bada55 like lillian gish, she could use her firearm to kick some candy a55

man we're an hour in, that felt like nothing

tthey come to this huge a55 rock thing and audie dont truist salloon ghuy and threy go up after drago

in da bur ning heartm, just a bout 2 burst

so chick is having issue as shes not as strong or fast as them and salloon owner has a moment with her

they stop then go on and copilot stsalls for a bit and freakin lifts of and throws a rock down like hes the hulk

audie dodges it but it busts anbother guy and audie knowes hes did it on purpose but coppilot denies it

they leave him there as theres nothing they can do, although people were tougher in the18000s like rasputin and he might be alive

the drahgo sends a stampede of horses WYLDE STALLLIONS after em and coipilt holds audie at gunmpoint

he sez he was jealous of audie being chosen over him and how he told xcrago of da train

audie kicks the gun outta hiusd hand as, like rob roy, he just stood there doing nothing

then the WYLDE STALLIONS come in and end him and afgyterits over, hes only got  a few marks instead of being mushed into meat

1 guy sez copilot saved his dad in da war and was his friend but was shredded by gunfire saving da war and  recoved for a year in the hospoitsal wehich f'd him up

audie doont tell the teen that copiolt was crooked

so they have no horses abd are only a few lkeft and walking the desert

they say a prayer and the Angelsd come down and smite the bad guys and the circimsized peoples skin grows baCk

jk really theyc come to a town of i mean camp by a water source and no ones there

the invid got em!

blonde sez its not dragos amp as she traveled with him but it seems suspect

thgey jack the things and ready a note to tell em whee to get paid but tthe ownerts come in and say their horses they caught got stampeded

1 guy; =u stampeded e to pleas=re ur self!

me; thats all kinds of fathish, and maybe brony

the hordsemen want 10 000 $ for the hordses that ran off and they arrest tthem

the horsemen who aare rednecks read the badge satying coloradso and 1 wants the chick to wear a dress

audie fights the tall redneck and audie kicks his a55

the salloon guy sez they can get 20 000 $ from theguys theyre chasing so head red neck dont cap audie

this is like shining force or lunar how they lose anbd get new party members

90 mins in, its got good pacing and holds interest

audie sez the mioney isnt his and sallooner sez the trednecks woulsdnt want his diamond buttons as its only shiny rocks to em

so its night but sytiull clear and bright and audie has HOT COFFEE with blkonde and she sez she spent 2 years wondering whjat she did wrong when he didnt return

he sez he was ashamed as he  jacked a bank and was on da run

this is where lawbreaking goes; harming the lives of the breakers and their loved ones

he turned himself in and the judge was mercufuil to him

sallooner wonders what blonde is saying with audie and rednecks play card ames

audie wenses sometjhing and suspects the rednecks

at night the camp is attacked by dragos men but audie and friends are upo in da rocks and j kfd em like harambe

good night filming, t looks cool

the teen got capped and we getta death scene as drago got away

teen sz he thought audie was too hard but he must be hard to beat em, and then, e dierd

hes gone into a coma! don't worry! he's gonna nbe ok!

the nextr day the 2 surviving rednecjks go off to berry the head guy and is ok witnaudie beating him up

blkonde reveals her bro is working for drago and is only acting out and this is da 1st and she wants to save him

audie wants to end the drago but salloon beats him out and goos oof with blonde to save her bro

in thjss wasteland ricky area in day the sallooner and blonde see a guard and someones comming

itsaa audie and the guard is goinnaharambe him but despite blonde wanting to help, sallooner dont and the guy fires on him

it misses and auvdsie goes on attack mode and blonde calls out to not do it

suddenly, my power went out for a sec and the tv had to rebvoot

when it came back the bro is firing on audie whos hiding and sneakjing around and audie sez to go to her and he wont end him

sallooner is gonna be snipered but audier warns hkm asnd hecounters him out

draghois on the run and audie goes after him in the rocks

drago pulls off his fake leg and fires a golden beam of ki and slices through audie's arm, but he counters and cjhops drGO IN HALF WITH A CHOP


and f off caps ,ock, go get butt hammered dead by rednecks in the woods

so audie caps drago in the gun wjhich somehow ends him insdtantly instead of the hours to days it takes

sallooneris gonna ice audiefor the money and chick tries yto stop him but he throws her off

audies ewuyes are f;d and sloonerthrows a rock to mahim look off

they draw and fall and fire as they dive and auidie caPS HIM AS HES DBNGT GOKU SS4 

he returns to the chick and they walk across the wasteland thats not nucular and head home which will probably be an advenbture of its own

the end

oh and the guy/chick walking off is like tat chaplain movie modern times

that was cool

good flow and feel

doesnt drag

nice acting action and music

good twists and stoiry

audie is cool and bada55 and brave like a man should be

not one of those beta male soy boy candy a55 whale kissing dukakis hugging moon maidens

its a nivce movie and has good feels and i like the color and sopft warm musiuc

for gunpoint 02 i want them to find a village in the desert witn a huge castle made of quartz that has a kid lost in, audie goes in to save her and fights various cyrptids and monsters with his gun that never seems to run outta ammo. also its a 128 bit 3d action game like Castlevania legacy of Darkness on Sega Dreamcast, GameCube, XboX aND PS2 WHERE YOU FIHT THROUGH THE MONSTERS AND UNLOCK DIFFERENT AREAS and f off caps lock, to to the camps and gulags!

Friday, October 28, 2022

The Rift Review

notwe; i sp[elkk like i trip the rift

The Rift

This is my review on The Rift from the distant future year, to robert e lee, of 1990(20 years before japoanese transformers season 03)

it stars r lee ermy fromthe bad texas chainsaw massacre and its better prequyen, Jack Scalia from Touched by an Angel/Red Eye=, Ray Wise from robocop/Jeepers Creepers 2/Superman: Doomsday/X-Men: First Class/RoboCop: Prime Directives/Drop Dead Diva/Law & Order: Special Victims Unit, Ely Pouget from Father Dowling Mysteries, Frank Bran from A Fistful of Dollars//For a Few Dollars More/The Good, the Bad and the Ugly, Edmund Purdom from Julius Caesar /The Diary of Anne Frank, Garrick Hagon froim Charlie and the Chocolate Factory/Balto/the 80s Batman / the 1st Mission Impossible movie with tom cruise, James Aubrey from lord of the flies, and some other dudes noty on wiekiepsa

its directed by Juan Piquer Simon who did nothing i seen

i never daw this but its gibinmg on comet

so after the mgm logo, therse gov guys meet this guy with 80s hair in a hotel or w/e in bed and bring him to a base

in there he reveals his wife is in the navy and the gov used his desihgn for something

he's told a sub he designed went under and was modded to be nucular

he is gonna go but his homie was called in to finish it close to his designs and they need himn to go down and save it

later its norway and we see thje chick and the black ghuy who i'm pretty sure aint making it to ther credits

the other guys ainttold much of their mission and main guynhas to share a room with a guy whos sick

a young r lee ermy comes on and sez cr-p but the tv signal f;'d out as we use antenna

hes kind of a harda55 and tells off the one black guy for not wearing regulation miliotary trousers and tells em its under military command

later at night an unseen guy alters the code of the ship[ and uses a code

in a lab, main guy and another chick talk abouttheir relationship and how she dont like him and i think shes his wife who dumped him

so later they are havbing some kinda issues and ermy sez troo go onward

they nearly ram into an iceberg and the sonar said it weas safe and main guy sez they f'd the sonar to putn in nucular things

he goes over thre changes and tells lee stuff but lee sees him in his chambers and tells him off for  being brash

main guy sez the milityar f'd his design and lee doont care and the conversation is eing broadcast in das shiup unknown to lee

they go on and find somethin about radi atiuon and they get a signal decoded as the black box of the 1st ship

they go deeper and i gotta say, i like how they use a model of the subn in actual on camera film instead of cr-ppy cg

both loook fake but this is ceeler i mean cooler

as theres no light theres no life or something but theres seaweed there and they send a diver under to getta sample and photos odf the ship

despirte being deep underwater, its clkearly light and hes having issue getting through the weeds but gets a sampole

while there he finds a rotted corpse and spazzes out but is ok and takes a photo of the ship

then something tyhaTS HARD TO SEE bv0nes him deaD and the frenchie starts going nuts as he was his best friend

althoguh fans might think they were butt buddies like Ed Elric and Roy Mustang or Yugi and Joey or Hubck Finn and Jim

so they checkm the stuff and gf checks this thing on a fish sample

this usnknoewn forece heads for the ship and busts it and the balack guy is taken out and irt brings the ship down

main guy sez to reverse the ppolarity of the field like in transformers the movie and itshocks the thing whoi lets it go

they keep falling as the ship f's out and it sinks but lands on a rock place

black guy is back and gives main guy his lucky thing and lee sees main guy in his chambers

btw this is in proper fullscreen has good 90s color with a made for tv movie feel

lee sez main guy should advice b4 acting and following protocall butn sez he did well and praises him

gf sez the sweaweed is super toxic and if it grew on the surface it would be super bad 

the signal cut out for a bit but later the seaweed sample is growing and thew black guy wants to leave but the gf sez to get the black boxc and go

wait, its not gf its the chick

so theyre going through a caver and theres bursts of hot water coming from the floor

they rise and find a natrually pressurized cave with air and the black box signal is in there

they find its an sos there they thought was the black box and lee wants to find it as its better info than the black box

they go out with guns as unlike 2001 a spoace odyssey, they aren't f--king stoopid and take a raft from the shuip to the inner shore

they can only go 90 feet at a time as thats as far ahead they can see and find toxic chemicals containers

in this cave is a rubber monster head in the wallhole and when 1 guy looks in, it comes out and bites his face

threy notice all these ruybber monsters and are directed what path to take by the ship radio

they fire on the monsters and thery blow aparrt and its bada55 with actual matter on film instead of cr-ppy a55 cgi

the bit guy is spazzing out and the chick or gf ends him with gunfire

also she droped the tracker or w/e she uses

so these monsters attaCK AND 1 guy gets it but the chick or w/e wastyes the monster

on da sjhip the oxygen generatoir lost power

better than the oxygen destroyer

soo the guys in da cave finfd theres no survivors

in the lab the seaweenb devolved intio tyentacles and eats 2 guys and it burns to touch

wait 1 survived and called lee and gf and they find the guy it ate mummified in seaweed

gf sez to seal the open water sources as its in the aquyaduct systemns

isnt this Lily C A T where the aliewn thing gets in?

so this foreigneer guy has been drinking tap water and is locked in a room in canse he cdevolves

so in the cave theese tentacle monsters take a few guys on da boat and surprisingly, the 1 black guy makes it back with main guy

maIN GUY, named hayes like in Robotech, brings a disk and finmds they sealed off 3 areas as the plantsdd infected em and a few guys gotn it

so gf sez they used gene slamming to advance evolution like streerk sharks and its by da gov and they knew (spoiler; proven by creation science!)

black guy wants to release the info and let someone else deal with it, but this was b4 brad manning so he don't know they'd lock him up and remove his parts

so the guys go back in and a girl, maybe chivck, maybe gf, isd chick still alive? is attacked by mopnsters and uses a flare on chemicals that blows it

she finds a hiuge cave with cages and these tentacles grab and pull her

wtf this is only 79 mins?! but om comet its a 2 hour thing! They got 40 mins of adds?!

oh and its also called in some places: Endless Descent

in the cave, the rest of da team finds amneotic accks aand pops 1 and a mutant baby come out like splatterhouse 01

they find this monther brain plant thing and fire on it as it attacks

it like the biolizasrd from sonic

so they blow the area and this guy at a terminal sez missuon accomplisged and gets out in anb rescape ipofd as he weas a gov agent like rouge the bat

the team runs as the cave gradually comes aspart and agent cant leave as the exit seal is f;'d andher goes out and the retuirning crew seesa him

tthe tteam opewns the seal by hand to stop him from going under andbgets in

so its gf main guy and lee weho survived sand theyy search for agent

he gets em at gunpoint and sez hje packed the pod with enbough foodf and bottled water 4 several dayus

agent sez the gov f'd his desighns on purpose to get him in and blam him for it so he wont tell

also they blew the 1sty subn to seal the area ANd theresx no black box, only a fake sigmal

agent sends em in a room and main guy reveals he tookl a key microchip the ship cant run w/o as its a p o s and angent comes to ghet it

as hje opens da door, lee slughs him out and he fightsd main guyy b4 lee rushes him into the room with the weater drinker and beats on him

lee touches aghenmts fACE TO the corpse and he devolves and the chop is broke, but the chipn thing was a lier and he needs to reconnect the power

lee getsa on the self detonate system and as theryy go, lee locksd em in and reveaslsa he got the aids from touching somethingh

he chooses to stay behind to saCRIFICE HIMSELDF instwead of sawing off the arm anf the white maybe virgin couple gets out in ther pop which cleasrluyy tok morte than the 90 seconds they said

eventually trhe sub blows and the cpuiple holds hsandfs as they goo ood like in day the worldf ended

the end

that was kinda good

soreA LIKE THE THING BELOW AKA SEA GHOST AND HAS f u caps lock got get f'd like a pug and die

its got good effects and style and acting, the msuci is nice and the characters are cool

its got good stuff like r lee ermy being a good honorable guy inside and despite being a harda55 he's got dignity

nice  monsters and style and i likes how its not just cr-ppy cgi

for The Rift 2 I want them to go on to the surface and find an uncharter island and find a race of snail people wjo have a society of homes like the ships in buckaroo banzai, also they gotta find a way to work woith them to get back are reveal the gov thing, its also a 128 bit game on ssega dreamcast, gamecube xbox and ps2 like harvest moon where you live in the snail people village and grow weird crops and do tasks.

Tuesday, October 25, 2022

The Eyes Of The Mummy Review

Note: I spell like 30000 year euyes, i mean 3000 as creationscience disproved that 1st number

The Eyes Of The Mummy

This is my review on The Eyes Of The Mummy from the distant Future year, to Paul Revere, of 1918 (80 years before the Globalk Civil War in Robotech)

its directed by, Ernst Lubitsch?! Okk now I'm interested! who did The Loves of Pharaoh/The Student Prince in Old Heidelberg(I cried at that)

It styarsa Pola Negri ffrom, actusally I never saw her in anytyhing, Emil Jannings from The Loves of Pharaoh/Waxworks/Faust, Harry Liedtke who was killerd by soviets when in 45 they tried raeping his wife, from The Loves of Pharaoh, and a few i never saw in anything

it got good reviews and did well in the time of release but i never saw this b4

so after tile and credits, a painter goes to egtpt and we seeb this guy in a hat walking around as wastelandhe meets this exotic chickl getting water from aa well wjo runs off and he follows

if shes clearly afraid of you, probably for being a gaijin, why chase her?!

so she gets away and the nexty dayat a hotel this prinxceiss there

this guy suggests seewing the tomb of the queen ma but is told its cirsed and a devolved guy on a chair waas a victim

paiunter asks devolved guy whart happened and is told the eyues are alive as he spazzes out

at da market he sees a guy who goes on tomb expeditions and wants to see it but isnt accepted

in tthe market is a performer doing scarf tricks amdf a guy doing as shell game

painter offers money to a guy to see the tomb and goes on a big black horse wiith him

at da tromb is a black guy who might be make up and has the water chick from b4 in the tommb

when painter gets thewre, black guy eventually brings him in with as torch(Not the Throw bot)

in there are drawing on da wall and a stone thing with living euyes moving

painter tries to go in but black guy fights him and painter pulls a gun and fires but it clearely mnisses

in there he sees the watch exotic chickamdits clearly daylight in deeper in the tomb

he comforts her andsoh theres a fire but the shadows go pover it

sjhe sez years ago, wait, how do they know the same language? is trhis like robotech or dbz how all alien races know the same tongue?

so the bvlack guy caUGHT HER AND BROught her over the water on a horse and when shge woke up, she was in here ansdi guess his indentured servant

oh and when painter got off his horse, it walked off and i guess is done

so he sez she dont gotta love him but does have to obey him, and iu guess he b0ned her a lot

painter vows to free her and she promises to never leave him and they hug then start to leave

da horse is there and they ride it together but black guy is clutching his chest like he was hit there, but coes out of the tomb and goes after em but collapses in the desert

the  prince on his outing com,ers sacross him and brings him with em  with a few servants carrying him

da nnext day da prince has saved him and he wants to come to europe to serve him, whuich as the 2020s has shows, might not be best

after prince goes, he  vowws to find the chick

so the chick, called ma,, are on an ocean liner and he teavches her European protoculture ith a tutor as she eats sugar cubes ands is the gaijin now

she likes this cat and chases it during the lesson and the tutor puts it aside

painter comes by and she happily hugs him and soon after he gets her 1st world clothes

but the prince is returning from asia and black guy asked his god to show the chicjk he thinks betrayed him

at a party painter shows the chick to his friend but 1st is platyful and romantic wioth her

they play a waltz and she dont join as she dont know or w/er ans goes back to her room and crys

she puts back on her gaijin clothes and wjhen the people notice she's not there, find her and and happy to see her

they bring her back and platy "some5thing oriental" for her and she does a weird exotic dance like something Tommy Wiseau might find hot

a viriety showguy is interested and wants her to dance in it and has a contract in his pants

2 months later shes a success and is in da papers and prince is reading of it

black guy comes goes and prince wants to see it and reserves a box for it

at the shhow is 2 people lifting each other around and preoince and black guy come to a  private box

chicjk comes on and does her weird a55 dance, but not a dance of a weird a55

black guy seews her and she falls over and is taken to her room

black guuy gopoes lokingf for her and painter comnforts er and she sez black guy lives rti revenge on her

good fear in polas face she could act

she leaves and black guy is after her and hesars she left by car

later an art wexhiit opens and prionce is a guest and sees a painting he likes

he meets da painter and chick is there and he kisses her hand

suddenl;y, he starts spasming opout and falls to the floor copnvulsing as his skin starts changing until he has caught her gaijin itis and is now turneed into one of them

of cource, i'm joking, which anyone with a working brain could see

but nowadays, common sense is so rare its a super power

so prince invites em over to see his colorectal collection and next day they come

chick likes thisd vase that reminds her of her home country and pronce smokes as its the 1910s and germany didnt prove its bad for you for another 2-3 decades

they have a tal;k and she sees black guy in da mirror and he hides

she gets a  bit spaced out and blacks oit and is put in bedbut keeps seeimng black guy behind semi clear cloth wait, hes see through and shes spazzing out

what da f is going on here?!

is tdat in her head or is he using some black magic?

so blavk guy gets a card with writiong on it iu cant read andi guess its  her addness and goes to see her

he gives a letter and leaves and its given to main guy painter but i cant read it from bad video quality and bad handwriting

he shows chick who sez to ask the prionce tyop cancel the buying off da paintring as herlife may depend on it

painter goos oof and black guy is in princes area and looks at the painting of chick  and shanks it with a knife

at least he didn't staret j=rkin off to it

he reads the name of da painter and good oof and as painter comes by, he goes

painter sez his wifes wellbeing depends on the princes choice and black guy hops the gate at painters home

prince find the shanked painting and recognizes the dagger as his servants

at paintyers place, black guiy is climbing the walls and going to the winbdow like count orlock and chhick freaks out  and calls on da phonerr

black guy punches in da glass and comes in and chick freakks out buyt then stands there as helumbers closer

shebegs for mercy but e takes out another blade and she blacks out and falls

he gets spazzed out by this and carries her popff like in the cabimnet of dr caligari, then puts her dowb and maakes out with her corpse

at least he didnt go full evangelion on it

eeventrually he gets his blade and slowly walks to da camera, then raises his blade

the scene cuts and painter and i think prince come back and see them on the floor

1 guy sez "too late" and the movie ends

I think the black guy did seppuku and according to wikipedia, she bit it freom da fall

the end

that was kinda f'd

tthen again, Lubitsch don'treally do happy endings

this was well made, tells a good story, has heart, good active and style

its a bit sad but thats how europe likes it

Year there's no mummy but angels and demons had neither in it, except this one wwas good!

its one of those kinda bummer but meaningful movies that makes you think about life

Lubitsch does it again

plusd it inspired other films like nosferatu and the cabinet of dr caligari

Its kinda like Robotech Season 2 with Dana and Zor where 1 bites it

Is only like an hour long and worth a look

For The Eyes Of The Mummy 2 I want prince and painter to take the bodies to a hospital where their condition is upgraded from dewad to alive and they are kept in seperate rooms to avoid the guy from going nuts. they have damage from the near dead things and need rehab to regain use of things and much of the  ovie is them learning how to function. also they get metal parts added to hellp them function better and it gives them better abilities. after rewcovering, he finds she  survived and  goes after her  but she's ready and has gadgets in her body that can help her esacape. its also a 32 bit metroidvania game on Sega Saturn, ps1 and N64 and 3D0 where you play as the chick and use gadgets to get aroundf this german expressionist city and gotta evade or stun the bad guy and unlock new abilities as you  discopver the need for them in cutscnees by getting to the right area, until you face him in this factory and gotta knock him into machinery to grind him up.

Wednesday, October 19, 2022

Alone In The Dark Review

 note; i spell faaerk i mean dark

alone in the dark

this is my reciew on Alone In Rhe Dark from the distant future year to lillian gish of 2005, the year of transformers the movie and some robotech comics

its based on a video game i never played and is said to be one of the worst movies ever

Its directed by Uwe Boll who did House of the Dead/Postal which I liked

it stars Christian Slater from The Wizard/Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves/Star Trek VI: The Undiscovered Country/FernGully: The Last Rainforest/Interview with the Vampire/austin powers 01/Hard Rain/Zoolander/Windtalkers/Moses in the 00s animated The Ten Commandments that I never  saw, Tara Reid from A Return to Salem's Lot/Urban Legend and ther Sharknado films, Stephen Dorff from Blde 01/FeardotCom/Immortals/Married... with Children/Blossom/Father Dowling Mysteries, Frank C. Turner from Warcraft/20`12/hot rod/Scary Movie 3/MVP: Most Valuable Primate/Ernest Rides Again/Unforgiven/The Grey Fox/The New Addams Family/Honey, I Shrunk the Kids: The TV Show/The Adventures of Shirley Holmes, Matthew Walker from Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventures, Mike Dopud from Maximum Overdrive/Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever/X2/Spider-Man 3/Postal/Rise of the Planet of the Apes/Tasmanian Devils/X-Men: Days of Future Past/the 2014 Godzilla, Fran├žoise Yip from Aliens vs. Predator: Requiem//The Unauthorized Saved by the Bell Story/RoboCop: Prime Directives, Mark Acheson from Weird-Oh's/ tthe 00s He Man/ The 00s fantastic 4/My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic/Transformers armaxa, enertgon and cybertron/Black Lagoon, Darren Shahlavi from watchmen/3300//PostaL, Brendan Fletcher FROM aIR bUD 0001/Freddy vs. Jason/Ginger Snaps Back: The Beginning/Goosebumps/The Adventures of Shirley Holmes(HE WAS stink?>!)/The Crow: Stairway to Heaven/Caitlin's Way/Flashpoint, and a few i never saw in anything

people hated this but i like cr-p so maybve its for me?

so without any warmning, we get scrolling text and narration of a lost american civilization found by mine woprkers in 67

they saw there were 2 worlds, a light and dark, like zelda or yugioh GX, and 10 000 years aGO, OPENED A GATE between em but something came through and the trtibe vanished leaving a few artifacts that talk of dark monsters in attack mode that want the gaste opened again

da gov sttarted a thing to look into this as i gguess lbj didnt have enough evil to do after hiring the grassy gnoll guy and the director or archelogy lionel hutz i mean hudgens started collecting artifacts and was later shut down

me made a lab in an ex gold mine, like the fallen angels claiming to be gods wanted humans to mine for giold in real life, and tried fiusing kids with the monsters and the survuivirs are now wantoimng to nbe awakened and are lost souls

then we see a guy lightly jogging in the woods as flashlight guys look for him

then 22 years ago, lionel gets e nun to give him kids to save the human race and to tell the cops the kids vanished

but a black guy sez 1 kid is missing and this bworn haired bworn eyed White kid is hiding in a power thing

da cops come and nun sez the kids vanished then we se the kid seeing cgi monsters in his eye

tyhen slater wakes up and a kid on da plane hes on sez theres nothing to be afraid of in da dark and slater sez there is

on a boat in da sea is dr and geting soime item from it like zelda phantom hourglass and saez someones coming in

then slater sez narrating that there a supernatural world we train outselves not to see and we all have a natural fear of da dark that protects us

and if you cant see something, it can still ice u

at 10 he lost his memory at the orphanatrium and is here to protect people from things

he takes a cab with stink from shirly homes and sez hes a paranormal investigator and theres cabs following em

so he has stink drive bad to losde em in soviet canada but they bump his cab

stink used swear words! nooooo!

the chaser slams his car into the side of stinks car and slater gets out and chaser climbs a fencer like spider man

then comes down and hammers slaTER WHO KICKS HIM THROUGH A GLASS WINDOW

THEY FIGHT IN A BUILDINGNAND CHAser beats his head on da floor and takes an item slater had but slater gets it back and runs while taking a cops gun

slater caps the guy in the tors=o which fdoes nothing and no one notices, but does it again and now pewople freak out

after a 3rd shot, they fight in an ice place and slater hits do little so chaser strangles him badly, but slater shanks his chest with a metal thing

at a museum tatra gets an artifact from the civilization thats for the dr and in da sea, drn gets this thing hes been looking for for years

in some city, slater nnotices something and goes in a building where he gets an answeering maching saying a guy had nightmares again

he looks at the thing he got and in sea at niht, they have the thing up

its made of gold and dr sez the natice guys were da 1st to use gold and it contained evil spirut

slater examinines his thing and it extends like a tleescope and he chesks the computer and on da boat, the captain beats out dr and opens da box  as he wants it

slaters head spazzes and this balck guy wakes up and other people activate into some trance and walk out

captain gets an axe and comes out to find the crew chopped up and da box open

he opens a secret part and gets an item in it and i'm not sure how hes getytoujgn back unless he knows how to man a boat, whish he might not as he had captain and crew to do that

at the unit theres reading of something and at the muesum the dr calls tara and tells her not to f with the stuff

slater has flashbacks lightning quiuck and da next dayy wakes up and the wife of a guy sez her man is gone

slater narrates that to surcive in the dark world, the people fused with mnsters but lost their humanity but got power, like the chaser, and he fears it happened to the guys who spazzed out

he meets the wife and sez hes gonna find her man and calls some guy about his childhood friend vanishing

then goes to the orphanaruim and the nun looks the same as she did 20 years ago

he sez somethigns up with him and the guy and then is at his lair looking up missing guys online

then narrates he was in the unit at 20 and learned a lot but left as he knew they wouldnt help him

also its unit 713 like the alleged camp 731 of japan

he meets a guywho gives him data on the guys who vanished and theyy were from the same orphanarium

the guuy he got indfo fromis from the 713 and he goes to see tara who slugs him for thinking he was dead afetr a hug

imagine if a guy did that to a girl for p-ssing him off?

he sjhows her this item he found in chile from 6 months of work and she sez its from 10 000 years ago like atlantis in yugioh or the dark signers in yugioh 5Ds

also creation science has proved the earth is 6000

a guard ssees something and ghoes in this area of ancient idols that are probably cursed

the lights arew out and tara and clater look around nd eventually this cgi monster uses its soiked tentacle on the graids head and b0nesv  outr his mouth

later slater and tara find  him and hear it and run as it busts the exibits

they hide in a room anbd a wood door keeps it out as it attacks so sslater caps it and it goes

then army guys bust in da ceiling windowsand come in and when the thing jumps out, they fire on it

also its sometimes inbcvisible

so dorf i think comes in and his laptop scans the area and its clear andslater wants to know whats up

dorf sez its classifiedand has slater removed but slater took a passkeyy card and meeets up with tara fior like 15 secondds and goes off

slater sees in the autopsy thing on the guy he iced and autopsy guy sez he was an agent and has something fused to his soine

its like a centipede and f';d  his nervous system and aa  scanner detects something on slater

dr comes back somehoww andtalks with tara about this image she has from slater and this chick cop interrupts

he goes offf and sez they found jack sh-t on the trip

coproner sez slater has a parasite in him but his electro shock he had as a kid killed it

then dr gets a blood samnple from this thing in a cageand injects himself wiithnit

this is going resident evil

coroner sez 713 treacted these things and theyy are weak to platnium gold and other things as it f's its abbility to f electricity

1 scanner is given to slater and certail light like the sun is fatal in large doses

also is a spercialk bullet of resin or w/e slater wants more of that cuts through em like cr--p through a goose

the chaser and  monster at the muesm were after the item at da museum andwhoever controls em might send more

coroner looks up the chaser and is called in to da commander and tara goes to see chaliterin his lair but as hes sleepinggoes through his cr-p

dortf is commandr andgriills coroner for seeing slater and will fire hij if he holds ouut infgo on slater

then tara b0nes slater for no reason to music like in da room except he dont go in her belly button

at coroners home his woman goes somnewjhere and he finds her iced, then dr sstrangles him and a centipede thing goes in his mouth and possesss him

the stomach dont lead to the spine!

and if it ate throuigh the organs, he'd die!

this is NOT anatomy!

mifght as well have it go in his a55

so tara finds a pattern on some map and the lights spazz out AND THE BLACK GUY WHO VANISHED ATTACKS SLATER

MORE GUYS COME AND f off caps lock! suck an aids b0ner! so tara caps a few and takles em out easy despirte slater having toruble wiith that chaser

they run and the chi monster attacka nd i gott asay, looks kinda cool

slater shreds it with a machine gun and it poofs into dust like zelda the phantom hourglass and  his black friend is dead now too

then a rock video of army guys firing at the monsters in the dark and it taking em out

so after hge monster are beat, dorf and his crew find slater and tara and wants to arrsts slater

theres  anoise and in the chaos, slater gets aweayubut snmipers a posessed chick who is gonna ice dorf

after ending more controlled peopleand cool gore, the scanners say its clear

wait, whgy didnt the scanner detect the possessed coming at them b4?

so dorf needs their helpto find coroner and dr and tyhere a copper ride where its said dr was in charge of an ivestifation or something, i dont know, its hard to hear

at this place is a generator being brought on and btw this is pretty widescreen and it does have color but not as bright as the 90s or as filthy as the 10s

i think theyy are in a lab or something or where dr did his cr-p

so the power still isnt on and dorf and guuys go in this tunnel thats actual matter on fiom instead of green screen cr=p

they find a dead end and look into it but then the generator gets the lights on

in this dead end is some kinda ring like a stargate in that movie i never saw and suddenly da floor gioves out and a guy falls in a hole in da earths a55

then dr sends all thse cgi monsters out to attack the humans and its kind of a cool shot and coronoer pulls a grenade on generator guy and g=blows them both to h e double soviet california

so eventually the monster sget to da base and the soldiers open fire and this is a lot like shadow the hedgehog on gamecube

so slater and dorf are going down the hole on a latter i mean ladder and at da botom i think the ladder hole closes

theres writing on the wall in stone in some symbols that tara can read saying if ur here alive, ur already dead

Nani?! ohhh! Hidebuuuuu!

so tiopdside the monsters are taking out the huamsn and choppers and in da hole this crippled by the faal chick is bit by a snake thing

they shoot the sand and, wait, how is this so well lit?!

so asian crippled chick bites it and topside the humans have pulled back and 2 soldiers are wandering aroudn w/o monsters

so i guess the monsters are done, wait, 1 soldier is firing on 1 and the guys in da hole are using a charge to blow the wall

they go in the wall and its a misty place with i thiunk plants hanging from the ceiling

1 topside soldier sees this chick who's head was f'd open and is apazzing out

its pretty brutal and most kovies are too candya55 to show that, exp with real matter instead of a cg head

so da team in da hole finds a lab with beds and slkaters name on 1

he realizes 713 implanted em with it and slater reads the unit was trying to stiop somehting they created

they find behind a moving wall thing and a glass thing, a wall that has a nucular symbol groove they can put the item slater has

he dont use it, but dr is somehow in there with a gun and takes out a guy with aheadshot like j fk or harambe

dr sez slater was why the gov shut him down and he spend 20 years looking for the itema nd wants it

tara givces it and he dont ice them for some reason an dopens da door but slater trhows a knife in him like grant in castlevania 3

like f--king idiots they go in the door and its a dark open cave like something outta lovecRAFT and all thses chi things are crawlign around

slater does i mewan dorf domes somethingand slater closes the wall door and they leave and go thotugh the tunnels which is odd as they were trying to escape mins ago

dorf cant blow the charge he placed as the signal; is too fr and goes back to do it ads slater and tara escape uip a laddert that was somehow there

dorf putsd the timer on 5 seconds like rouge needing 5 mins to get the emeraldds amd it blows and the fire goes all the way to where slater and tara jump out of by the orphganarium

totally not like dy mo might by cecil b de mille where the guy has to sacrifice himself to save the hero and the chick by blowing himself apart underground

dont worry, he got oout in time, hes gonna be ok, theres a hospital planet nearby, hes in another dimention

in the building he finds the nin iced and in da city its evacuated, but we dont hear the reason or the "official" reason

man this peaceful thing of the vity is going on for a while

slater sez the gate was closed again and the ancients were wiped out for bringing dasrkness into the light and its happenign again

then we get a 1st pwerson viewe of something zooming toward slater and tara and credits to 00s music thats acxtually kinda good

its like a 90s anime or something

maybe cascada

max wanko? that dont sound wholesome!

Kurt Jackson? like curtis 50 cent jacksojn?

the end

thAT WAS a bit cr-ppy

the effects were good but the editing was kinda weird

thewres a loyt ofd space of guys not doing anything and it draGS a bit

but its not awful

good music and monster designs and while its eirher dumping exposituon on us, it noty doing anythging, it doesnt fit often

i dont hate it, and its got some of those 00s charms like the camera work and lighting and the ay people are filmed

its not hd so it looks normal and its got some good horror ideas

theres FAR worse moviers than this that I hated more

like From Justin To Kelly or Titanic

its sorta cr-ppy but not horrible

yeah a lot dont make sensew, but its a movie based on a playstation and gameboy game by the guy who made house of the dead

its not trying to be shakespera or better yet, berserk

getting mad at this for not being some "life changing, moving piece of cenema master piece" is like hating on Schindler's List for not being funny

its not trying to be! its jusat trying to be gory and bada55 and mnysterious abnd creepy

in that it hits the mark it aimed for

the acting wasnt even that bad

maybe if i played the games i'd think different, but this wasn't the abimination the critics claim it to be

oh and I'm not sure I get WHY the dr was doing this

For Alone In The Dark 2 I want slater to have been attacked by the thing, but his hidden powers created by the thing in him biting it, activate and he has a Light Beam from his hands he fires at it to disintegrate it. Then it  cuts to years later where the shadow creatures have taken over and people fight to survive in areas with generators they keep running by buirning the dead nightmare creatuires, Also skllater is now teaching others how to use Ki to Light Attack things as the creature in him jump started his training and sklipped the effort but he knows how to  do it and has Shine Soldiers who battle the darkness, Also its a 64 bit Psp and DS game like Shining Force where you play as a Shine Soldier and lead a unit of other guys witrh various Ki Abilities and Glowing Weapons and fight the monsters and posessed on a grid wiith missions and chapters.

Friday, October 14, 2022

Tekken Review

 Note: I spell iron fisted


This is my review on Tewkken from the distant future year of 2009(The year Robotech happened)

Its based on the video game I only did the GBA version of as I never had a platystation

It stars Cary-Hiroyuki Tagawa from Big Trouble in Little China/Twins/ the 90s Mortal Kombat movies/John Carp[enters Vampires/Pearl Harbor/the tim burton Planet of the Apes/Memoirs of a Geisha, Tamlyn Tomita from The Karate Kid Part II/The Day After Tomorrow/Law & Order: LA/The Good Doctor,  Candice Hillebrand from the 90s Sinbad, Gary Daniels from The Expendables/the live aCTION Fist of the North Star, Lateef Crowder from Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice, Mircea Monroe from House Of The Dead 2/Fifty Shades of Black(Quality programming), John Pyper-Ferguson from Prom Night II/Pin/Unforgiven(Ww, thgis guys actually in GOOD things!/ Pearl Harbor(Maybe not)/She's the Man/X-Men: The Last Stand/The Crow: Stairway to Heaven/Judging Amy/Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles/Flashpoint, Blake Shields from Boy Meets World/Law & Order: LA, Jason Richter from, holy f, Free Willy!!/Laserhawk/Sabrina the Teenage Witch/Rugrats, andd most of the guys in here are kickbockers of mma guys

Its directal by Dwight H. Little who did Halloween 4: The Return of Michael Myers

I'm not too into Tekken, I prerfer Eternal Champions or Samurai Shodown, but I hear the guy who did Tekkenm hated this

Then agaiun, soviet steven king hated the 80s shining so what does he know?

I'm doing this on amazon prime and it startrs with a  buncha logos andf text

narator sez after some warsm, govs fell and corporations took over and divided the world into zones owned by em

the biggest one, tekkemn has a kung fu tournament where the winners get to live

we then get title and a guy gonna fight, then its 5 days b4 sand guys in a dump evading soldiiers with guns and he dodghes every shot while doing sportacus moves to escape

this is over credits btw and has 00s music

so trhe guys use machine guyns and execute the witnesses but this tteen escapes

to another sector

and gets to aa safe place withsome mad max guy wjho likes the beastlkkes

hi tech hobo sez teen can have all this 1 day but teen dont want itand brings him some tech sphere\

hobo gives him monrey but its not global diollars so he gives him anothermoney thing and teen leaves

we see heihachi whos not dauisuke gouri on a screen saying tekken is comming ansd strength is order like hes raoh in hokuto no ken

teen goes to a bar with a higfh tab but pays with paper money and is barkeeps fave customer like the room

he meeets a p-mp looking guywth 2 chicks and buys something or w/e and teens homiecomes by and wants teen, named jin, to figt in tekken as hes a good figher

but jin dont wanna as he fights for what he has to not a cause

then we get the japanese ceremony of tekken and heihachi talks with his goon to crack dowqn on antio coproperates like itts google or facebook

jin comes back to his mom or sensei or w/e and gives her the orange he bouyght from p-mmp and like soylent green, it cost a lot

she dont want him to go to tekken as its not what she trained him 4 andhe's tired of being a slum bum

he goes out after a fight and i guess shes gonna get it, also i saw the wikipedea artyicle, andshe warns thersv  bad gguys out

jin meets a blonde and they are gonna b-0ne but at hobos place, he was hacking inti tekken or w./e and the cops come in and goood sez they used the thing jin got him

hopbo ytrus a gun but is countered and good ends him with it

alsi jin is b0ning the blonde at the same time as this and the cops bust inn to jins mom/ssensewis place and aask, in japanese, wheres jin?

goon has the area of jins home missiled like ba rocks dr onesas jin coms home and m,om/sensei looks at him and takes out a few of their own guyts

after the smoke clears, jinm goes throughg her cr-p aand finds  phoptoes of him as a kid and remembes his past and training

learn nabnto sui cho ken


she finds a tekken i d saying she was a fighter and whhen blonde comes by to comfort him, he b--ches out

at  a recruit station, a guy sez no one can win and is cr-ppily slapped so this britmo sezhes give an a55load of money rto anyone wjo lasts 1 round agaiinst this meathead

jin goes to siignb up and we get a mma thing in a cage like how Robn Ford wanted to kck trudeaus candy a55 after watching too much wwf

i'll f him when he's dead!!

so he goes in da cage andits broadcast and the guy beats him down and spits on him, but he comes back and kicks his a55 as heihachi watches

jin takes some hits but falls and is about to be finished as this is mortal kopmbat, but gets a life refill from memories and runs up the wall, then hammers him down

its kinda bada55

jin is the people choice and has beat marshall law and thisbritmo sez all otrher fighters jhave sponsosrs to handle paperword and britmo can handle it 4 him annd jin gets on his bus

hes gonna be mo lested!

i'm ssurprised the brit didnt offeer him candy

so jin recalls his moms words of the greed of corportration, like sony and square and microsoft, and in the city, goon is b0ning 2 giirls at once but we dont see nips

does he have 2 b0ners?

is this viper g t s?

heihachi comes by his secks pit and grabs his throat and tells him off and leaves him to live in his spurm smelling room

jin comes to thecivilized sarea andheihachi looks over data of the fighters of variousnationalitries and backgroundfs like its world heroes

wtf, a samurai? trhey allow swords inb a fist fight?!

SO WE GET THE FIGHTERS WORKING OUT AND showqing off their muscle and toned bods aLL SWEATY  and jin dont like the clothes hes givenb

if  this were real corporations, we'd see all the logos on em

jin meets a chick who he likes her toes but sez its hher skill with footwork in martial arts stances

we're 33 mins in? that felt like nothing!

so the fighters come up for the battle abd most are in small fight outfits that are easy to move in and show off their tight toned muscle bodds

if you had muscles like hulk hogan, you'd be in a speedo all the time too

te chick is christyine but imma kerep saying chck

raven faces eddy gordo in round 1 and itsa a good match with good action and moves

raven wins and goes to the next round so its not player 1 vs everyone

miigguel ffaces jin and briitmo ssz to uuse his egho and speeed against him and wear him out

btw jins hair looks riught for this, its pointed in the back and had the lines in it

jin staarts the fight andgets 1 hit but gets beat down but does more coountersand moveswith floor rolling grappl;es

man look at these flips aNMD SPINS

USUALLU i JUMP KICK or block and counter when they attacxm

jin recalls his moms training after being nailed and after a beat on, snaps miguels bone, then starts beating on him untul after its over

stop stop hes already dead!

jin returns and britmo ssez the better jin does the more money he makes but jin is sore

britmo sezjin was luckyt and goon comes by and asks if jins dads fought in tekken but jin knows not of his dad

jin goes tio traIN AND test his might and has viet nam flashbacks of his mom and busts the wood training thinfgs

suddenly hes got hairy pits and chick sees him, then goesa to some muscle guy and leaves w.o consent

goon looks up jins data and finds his dna matches 10-0% to his mom, which only makkes sense if he;''s her clone as the dad is 50% of his dna

chick is with jin whjo i didnt recognize as his hairs diffeent now and at a club and talk of their backstories

she was outside the Amerivan territories anddances in tight pantsand pakes out with jin while practically b0ning

they sneak back andgo back to the tekken and are gonna b0ne but done and she goes off

then in jins room, some ninjas come in and beat him up in a strobe light but chick returns and they fle

britmo sz they wont let him win from da slums but he reveals his mom was in tekken anmd britmo knew her

the williams chicks were the  ninas and goon bashes em for not ending him and the next day nina williams has to fight chick

nina  is dressed like some kinda bad 90s p0rn0 chick  or wwf girl

they fight andchhick wins and goon i think is kazuya whos heihachis son or something andtalks with a muyscle  guy busting cindeerblocks over musclleo beiung half robot and cyber enhancemenmmts are not allowed so he';d keep it quiet if muexzcle guyt does sh-t 4 him

then jinhas to fight toshimitsu whops a samurai annd birtmo gives him power gloves like zelda links aakening as his hands are stoll f'd

heihachi sezto recuyycle the match as this match is more semi final but goon ppulls a starscream sand has gis gn guys stop hheihachi as goon is in charge of security

are they robots? heihachi is the biggest guy on the planet!shopuldnt he have power over em?

so yoshimitsau swordfightsjin as jin has a naginata andf breasks jins weapon

jin fights on and toshiu ises his sheatrh but then tthey devolve into fists as the ratings climb higher

yoshimitsiu beats on jin andbritmo saez to stop da fight aNd goion sez jin is  his illegetimate son so heihacbi beats out guards and hits a security alarm

jin beats out yoshimitsu and wait, yeagh but hes busted up and secuitityy cracks dowbn on kt as chick and britmo get jin out

they see heihachi being arrested andget arrested and raven halps pop hisas f;'d out shoulder back in

goon sez cuz the ratings spiked when yoshimitsu was killed or nearly killed or w/e, hes changeing the rules in the middle of the game aND ALL MATches arer to the death

jin sez they otta rfuse to fight butwhen the guards come, ravesn beats em out and gets thier guns

dont they have armor? i mean their guard!

jin chick and britmo escape with raves an dits a chase in the building and jin meet sheiohachi

jin wants revenge and they free him to help emas raven is killed for being the black guy

they escape into the slums and the guarda are sent in tocatch em and in a tent the chick treats jins wounds and heihaCHI MISHIMA sez he knew her mom i mean his mom and jin sez tekken destroys lves

heihachi sez its to rebuiold the wortld back and jin sez its just killing people and blamers heihachi foir icing his mom

heihachi sez he dsaved his mom y getting her out after violating the riules or w/e wait, its from from her his son kjazuya raeping her and leaving her for dead and heihachi saved her

now jin is anothe rtheir to the tekken corporation

the hgauird saytack and use bazooka shots and brit mo buists em with a pipe as these epic gaurdsaa are beat by 1 engilshman and a metal rod

britmo is shredded by gunfire telling erm to run and they get caught and tazed

kazuya comes in andconfronts heihchi who sez he cant let kazuya have tekken as he'd f it ip

the guards take heihachi away and whyu dont he use his super mvopes to bust em? hes the game boss!

so hes at gunpoint and the buildign blows as i guessd thats 1 strong gun and kazyya sez heichaischi is dead

kazuya sez on the screen that now all fights are to the end and muscle guy andsome tommy wiseau loki homie face offd with chains and a spear

after a cut on msucle ghuya ndsoime thrashing, they fight fight and muscle guy beats his a55 and choaks him with a chain, then jerks it asnd kills him offscreen

raven isnt dead now and later zakuza tells jin that he would have iced his mom if he knew she was pregnatt and puts a ghun in nins face

to beat kazyua jin has to end the chamy byran fury whos the cyborg i think

kazyka takes chick out and backhands her, but puts her in a chain i mean chair

so raven sez anger dont ignite the soul it incinetates it and that jin has real power and skkill and can be a champ

jins fists are all busted up and blooded and has flashbacks to the gilm we're atching and remembers his dad friends like terry in the fatal futy oav vs geese

jin faces the finals against bryan fury and his blonde bimbo gf in the slums is watching aND JIN IS IN HIS POWER GLOPVES

1 punch and jun flies back and his attacks do jack sh-t and jack is j=k in off

so jin gets his a55 kicked an dhis kick does nothing to bryans face

at least pan sluvbged out general lock b4 he took it srs

bryan wraps an ammo belt on his hand and brutally beats jin and he rememebr shis mom saying every foe has a weakness

then he starts doing well anbd doing air atytacks, then runs up a cliff, and comet meteors doewn and ghbusts him

shouldnt his hand shatter from that?

kazyua goes in to be the game boss and gets axes and wait, do the people know heihachi is dead?

so tbey fight and jin gets a tien scar on his chest and is busted around

jin starts glowing and the wind picks up, then he awakens to his true self and at near light speed, punches his fist wrist deep into kazuya, then disintegrates him from inside out with a blast of ki

jk thats dbgt or w/e

so jins vengenace awakesn and kazuya sez its the mishima curse and beats on his and counters his attacks

as kazuya is gonna end his illegeitmate son like hes a kennedy or monarch, chick tackles a guard, gets his gun, and takes out another, even thought he bullets are clearly bouncing off him

kazuya looks off for a second and jin takes his chance and grabs his axe, thenslices kazuyua with it in the gut

walk it off candya55

kazuya is gonna chop him uyp i mean jin is hgonna do it butspares him and chick is therte now despite beign like hundreds of feet of in the skky seat seconds ago

she sez hes the peoples champion and new tekken ruler and he sez he wants to go homeand walks offw/o her for some reason

he gets on his coat fromthe start of the movie asnd doersnt get his huge a55 chest slice treated but all the guards who wwere hunting him days agoi are now serving him

chick sez the mishimas fell and jin kazama was now the name of hope and freedom and jin returns to the slums and btwe this was widescreen and color but kinda nice color like in the 00s

then credits to msuic and clips fo the movie showing the characters

paula c dckmeyer? like sa p0rnn0?

cgharles wuilspon? like charlie wisons war?

the end

that was prtetty entertaining

good action, nice ideas,decent acting, nice colorsd and fights,

wtf we got a post creditys scene wher eheihachi orders the guy to ovbey and he does, which means maybe he didnt bite it

you vcasnt kkill heihachi, until that one game they actuaslly did

but i liked this

its cool and fun and has a bit of gore

its not full on riki-oh but its cool and bada55 and entertaining

if you weant meaningful plot and life changign characters, why are you watchign a movie of a playstatio fighting game?!

we got gone with the wind and erich von stroheims greed for that

this is good action andf maretial arts

i mean it would have been nice to see heihachi kick a55 but mayeb in part 2

wait, we got a prequel for that

man the reviewers hated this

0% on rotten tomatoes?! didnt they hate on the Wb Godzilla King Odfd The Monsters Movie?

this one was cool and though I never really did the games, I enjhoyed it

Its got a good flow and doesn';t drag

For Tekken 2 I want it to be about Jin trying to give the people more fredom and rights but finds the sliimmer he liverd wioth are a bunch of viuolent malcointents who go wild without any guidance or order and devolve into a lawless mess of cannibalism and necromance, so after seeing his family company go from top to near bottom, he realizes his grandfathers words and cracks down on these animals! also its a 32/64 bit strategy game  on sega saturn, n64, 3D0 and playstatyioon 001 where you move your troops aroundthe areas and fight off the slumaniacs but only get good weapoons and attacks after Jin sees the error of his ways, but you can be heihachi who's back but lets jin learn by experiance and advices him but certain dialogue choices move him to advance faster, also in the end he fights the slomaniacs who fuse into a  mound of flesh and ooze as they gave up their humabnity and devolved

Sunday, October 9, 2022

The Shadow Riders Review

 note; i spell gx

the shadow riders

this is my review on The Shadow Riders from the distant future year of 1982(30 years before Robotech 2 The Sentinels)

it starrts Tom Selleck from The Rockford Files/Magnum, P.I./Friends/Boston Legal/Blue Bloods/Myra Breckinridge/Coma/Quigley Down Under, Sam Elliott from Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid/Mask/We Were Soldiers/Hulk/Blood Diamond/Ghost Rider/Marmaduke/Robot Chicken, Katharine Ross from the Graduate/Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid/Tell Them Willie Boy Is Here/The Swarm/donnie darko, Ben Johnson from the outlaw/Tall in the Saddle/Angle and the Badmann/Red River/Mighty Joe Yoiung/Shane/One-Eyed Jacks/Major Dundee/Hang 'Em High/Hang 'Em High/Chisum/The Last Picture Show/The Town That Dreaded Sundown/Red Dawn/the 90s angels in the outfirelds, Geoffrey Lewis from moon of the wolf/high plaines drifter/little house on the prarie/Highway to Heaven/Double Impact/Maverick/The Devil's Rejects(gay!), Jeff Osterhage from Masque of the Red Death/Baldur's Gate II: Shadows of Amn, Gene Evans from Ace in the Hole/The Giant Behemoth(that one s-cked)/Shock Corridor/The Alamo: 13 Days to Glory/M*A*S*H, R. G. Armstrong from Major dundee/Children of the Corn  001/Predator  001/90s Dick Tracy, Jane Greer from Red River/Gentlemen Prefer Blondes/The Searchers/The Rare Breed/Billy the Kid Versus Dracula/Big Jake/Mask/The Whales of August/Back to the Future, Part III/Little House on the Prairie, Jeannetta Arnette from Touched By An Angel/V.I.P./Law & Order: Special Victims Unit, and a buncha guys not on wikipedea

Its directal by Andrew V. McLaglen who did The Rare Breed/McLintock!/Chisum/The Wild Geese

Aftyer opening credtis to guitar and showing photoes of what look like 1800s images, we get a voice over sayiongh the cvil war is ending sooon in april 65 and reading a letter he made

hes caPTAIN AND HIS BROTHER IS ON SOME SIDE OF THE VICIL WAR , then we see tom in bed and being cared for by a blonde who wants to b0ne him

she feels his feet as thats hwer fethish i assume and as she gets into his bed, a door knocks and sez the war is overand they need tommy boy

ho goes out on his horses a55 andf wait its not him and this confederate is gonna be executed for blowing a thing in da war but confederates come over and save him

the saved guy is sam eliot from hulk and is offered to come with em but he wants to go back to Texas so they give him a gun as hes a ral amercian and they goo oof w/o him

sam goers off and comes to a shed and its abandened and squatts there

later some inbred folk come by and see his horse and i think are gonna b0ne itbut sam ko's 1 with his gun and beats outy the other who used a knife

so sam goes by some town and theres these duck dynasty guys there and drops off the beat out rednecks he had with him

the rednecks want revenge on him for beating em out as theyre related

he's gonna sdquael like a pig!

meanwhile, tom and blonde arer lovey and they see they hicks gonna string up sam and tom gets ready as sam fiughts em

sams beat out and they get the noose and are gonna end him but tom comes in and sez sam is his brother

1 hick is gonna cap tom but tom takes himn out and has em on the ground as tom reunites with sam

they ride off and come to a home with a hun pointing out the qwindow and its their dadwho welcomes em in

dads got a limp and is glad to see his kids and their ma is tyhere too and thought sam was dead

dad sez some guys attcked and took someone and the food and animals

it was confederate soldiers which seems off as its usually the yankees who looted and raided the south towns

so sam and i think tom go off to find rthe family guys who got caught by alleged confederates and ask around and 1 guy sez it was renegades and if anyone tried anything theyd get iced

so the super america bros hear where the alleged renegades were headed and go on and we see all the captured women and none are asian! where are all the asian confederates?! racist!!

the chicks get spazzy and wanna escape and main chick sez they gotta figger out how to save themnselves as no one might come

theres also a lot of cows and i;m not sure if either the girls or cows are still virgins

so main chick offers a ring to a guy named jesse who she wants to marry maybe and thinks her real b4 is in h e double soviet califoenia

i think jesse is another prisoner and the alleged confederates send her back with the chicks as they are mus lim or zentrraedi and dont want the genders mixing

head renegate sez if jesse trys anything hes iced and jesee puts a switchblade in the ground and cuts his hand ropes with it

the captors have a cooking pot and main chick goes to ask main captor why hes doing it

head captor sez hes doing it to keep his southern way of life and wants to bering back the love or w/e

she sez the captives have no involvement but head cap sezx hes sorry but hes gotta do it

jesse thtows sand in a guards face and runs but the regenges chase him and they spasticly go after him

he escapes to the ocean and they dont wanna cap him but then see the women are running, they cap him and his head is hit but it dont show it blow like h e double j fk

the captors sez he would have got a good price in soviet mexico and i'm thinking, didnt mexico end slave owners rightsb4 the war?

we're only 40 mins in? i thought it was both more and less

so tiom sizemore and sam waterston go on talking of this chick sam want3ed to marry but she might thiunk hes dead

at later the head cap sez sorry to main chick about her friend and offers her booze while saying they'd give her a good southern life

she sez they';d cap him for his acts and he sez he's  still a southern army guy

also jesse had an extra life as he crawls outta the water a tnight

a boat comes y and it might be pirates or maybe butt pirates and later jesse sees the america bros and is glad to meet him

ofh they are all brothers

so the boat guys come on and 1 looks like col sanders and cap head wants to end the yankee menace

not sanders gives em guns and will get him 200 more and ammo in 2 days sailing but he wants money 1st

head cap sez the people he caught will do well in da silver mines and not sanders wants the women to buy as butt slaves

he offers 5000 $ for the blonde as  mexicans like em blonde and thicc in ther a55 and with 12 rifles, head cap sells main chick

jesse tells tom and sam about the captors wanting to sell the men/women for things in h e double mexico and jesse sez he got a shoulder shot in ytennessee but bros dont care what he was on

at the beach, not sanders sez they'd go with the slaves and a  few guys to get the cr-p and in days later they'd send for the cattle and men

not sanders offers main chick pheseant and if she uses the kknife on him, his man would cap her

he sez he's gonna bring him as his woman but worries she'd make a necklane of his teeth, but is gonna leave her there and get her later, while takijg the other girls too sell

hih, this is based on a novel byu Louis L'Amour

so the boats  leave with the indentured servants and later tom and bros come overand sneak around liki ninja and take out the guards

so a stampede happens and trhe tom bros gun down the captors and save main chick wait not her weait it is her

she sez they took the girls and where theres going to mexico and the need uncle blkack jack like the opsamu tezuka character

hes a convict and has a ball and chain on and is sawing a law and was in jail for something about a chick and capping guys in defence

sam sez they need him and they blow the door to the jail house with dino might and ride off with him

so jackie knows all the info on soviet mexico and places to b0ne and jesse sees some horses comming for em

jack sez he capped the son of a mayor and tom sez if they catdch him he cant be mayor and they book it

so they cross the rio grande and the boats make it to mexico and brign the slaves to the mexicoes who gomoff on carts

later the goodf guys wake up and the way they keep meeting new members of the team is like a jrpog like lunar or breath of fire

jack had been out with chicks and then he returns as the posse comes closer and jack sez they want hi for drinking and doing something he regretted

this is wy i dont drink

so they bring the slaves to meixicowho lust after the blkondes and are probably gonna fatten em a bit to giuve ewm ther booty they desire

the chicks are put in a cage and elsewhere, sam talks with chick about how she was into a guy named frank but she said she'd wait for him

she told him she heard he was dead and waited too long for him and she gets b--chy over him not asking hert what frank asked her

tom and jesse joke about it and tom asks jesse hows ur love life

tommy wiseau asks; hao ees yoor secks laif?

jesse is too busy with helping his rents to b0ne any chix and tom ants to be governer

jack sez he knows people near by and they will let him in but not the others and he gon go to pray at a mission

at da church, jack steals a priest robes as i guess he dont care about going to h e double england

AT SOviet  mexico, the head cap wants to see the guns now and not sanders caps the casptors man and has head captor locked up

jack wants to use chick as a fake nun to sneak in undercover and have sam and tom do stuff as hthe captor knows jesse

tom tells chick that sam is worth statying with as hes got some issues but is good inside or some cr-p from care brars

tom and chick talk about if its risky to go in the camp and tom keeps shifting the subject

she sez he runs from women and he sez hes got no room in his life for 1

so they go to the base and jack has dino might and booze he stole and plans on doing stuff

so chick goes in as a nun and jack goes in saying something aboiut his nephew

chick goes to the jail and meets te sisters and not sanders recognisez hwssr and talkkes off her nun robe

at the cantina the jack and the tom and havin cigars that i hope are not chronic and gets em in theere

jhe locks em in and throws the dino might and blwos emm apart in a splattery burst thsat probably has shredded fl;;esh and rended organs arll over the wall


TOM AND FRIENDS  i mean head captor granbs a mexico and strangles him form his prison cell traincar and takes his gun and gets out

the train starts going with a guiy on the logs firing and tom caps him and gets after it by taking a guys horses a55

jesse shoots off the lock and frees the chicks but the main chick and the sisters or w/e are on trhe train

sam meets the head captor and sam spares him as head captor wasd the guy who saved him at the start and lets him go off

tom and friendfs go after the train even though back to the futuire 03 says a train can go faster and the posse gets there after the fight

like how the courts have ruled that the cops dont gotta risk their lives to save u and are mainly there to clean upo after

so tommy boy comes after da train and colon i mean colon sanders throwas a stick of dino might and blows tiomes horse

the sisters yell like he can hear himn, outsaide and with the train sounds

he and sam get on da train somehow and colon sanders sez they are gonna send em to mexico city

tom looks in hanging upside sown and his hat stays on and they bust in the winfddsows as glass is candya66

they beat out and throw the guards out the windoiw and get colon sanders at gunpoint and make him stop da train

they come out with him and uncle black jkack is caught by ther posse and the head posse guy looks undead

the supoer tom selleck brothers hold the posse at gunpoint and wanna make sherrif  head posse let him go

they eventually get sherrif to admit that jack was b0ning his wife and jack sez his widfe was chasing him for years and he just stopped running

chick offers to trade colon sanders for black jack pershing and her accepts

what is he? a yugioh card?!

sherrif sez he dont want jack in his town of big springs and tom sez hes running for sherrif of bigsprerings

so the posse goes back and the fam whos called traven but i heard draven like in the crow, start their long road back home

the end

That was pretty good

nice lite bright colorful earthy toined 80sd western

good plot twists and story and it had some heart

nice adventure and quest and the acrting and music was good

tom and sam were good and pretty bada55 but nice guys

its not the most serious but tis pretty hardcore and is more clean than most things now

its a solid pg and i hjonestly dont recall swearing even

its good to see tom selleck having fun as i know him most from blue bloods(d hero bloo d)

For The SAhadow Riders 2 I want them to be heading home and as tyhey leave mezxico, come across a cursed town where the residents were devolveed by daemons they worshipped into chimpeople and need help from tom and friends to find the cure, they go around mexico collecting holy items to heal the devolution and take on the daemon thast corrupted them, alsdo they were turned from too much chronic. Its also a 128 bit RPG on Sega DreamCast, GameCube, PS2 and XboX where you play as them and go aorund through carious dungeons inmexico from the people before.

Saturday, October 8, 2022

Cartoon All Stars To The Rescue Review

Note; I spell Cartoony

Cartoon All Stars To The Rescue

this is my reviwe on Cartoon All-Stars to the Rescue from the distant future year of 1990 (30 years before transformers super god masteforce)

Its a big crossovewr that aired on all 4 main natworks to help prevenbt kids getting into drugs

as a 90s kid i never saw this when it was on as i was like 3, but i did watch it later on youtube

its from the glory days of the 90s when kids shows were clean andcool and cartoons on saturday am were the thing

it startrs Jason Marsden from The Secret World of Alex Mack/The Secret World of Alex Mack/A Goofy Movie/Spirited Away/Fox's Peter Pan & the Pirates/Mighty Max/Batman: The Animated Serie/The Mask/The Mask/Extreme Ghostbusters/Histeria!/Batman Beyond/Roughnecks: Starship Troopers Chronicles/Static Shock/Justice League/The Fairly OddParents/Loonatics Unleashed/Transformers: Rescue Bots/ the 10sa ThunderCats/Ultimate Spider-Man/Beware the Batman/Hulk and the Agents of S.M.A.S.H., Paul Fusco from ALF, Ross Bagdasarian Jr.from Alvin and the chipmonks, Jeff Bergman from Gremlins 2: The New Batch/Jetsons: The Movie/Big Miracle/The Lego Movie/The Flintstones & WWE: Stone Age SmackDown!/Batman: Return of the Caped Crusaders/Tiny Toon Adventures/Doug/Family Guy/Totally Spies!/The Looney Tunes Show/New Looney Tunes, Jim Cummings from Who Framed Roger Rabbit/FernGully: The Last Rainforest/Aladdin 1-3/The Lion King/The Pagemaster/The Pagemaster/Pocahontas/Balto/All Dogs Go to Heaven 2/The Hunchback of Notre Dame/Anastasia/The Lion King II: Simba's Pride/The Road to El Dorado/Titan A.E./The Life & Adventures of Santa Claus/The Life & Adventures of Santa Clau/The Life & Adventures of Santa Claus/Wreck-It Ralph/The Garbage Pail Kids Movie/G1 Transformers/DuckTales/80s Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles/The New Adventures of Winnie the Pooh/Chip 'n Dale: Rescue Rangers/TaleSpin/TaleSpin/Tiny Toon Adventures/The Pirates of Dark Water/The Pirates of Dark Water/Darkwing Duck/Batman: The Animated Series/The Addams Family/Goof Troop/Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog Sat AM/Animaniacs/The Pink Panther/The Tick/Gargoyles/Gargoyles/the 90s Spider-Man/Spider-Man/yhe Mask/Spider-Man/Earthworm Jim/Freakazoid!/Superman: The Animated Series/Space Goofs/King of the Hill/CatDog/The Powerpuff Girls/The New Woody Woodpecker Show/The Book of Pooh/Disney's House of Mouse/The Simpsons/The Simpsons/The Spectacular Spider-Man/The Looney Tunes Show/Bump in the Night/Aaahh!!! Real Monsters/Captain Planet and the Planeteers/Dexters Lab/The Twisted Tales of Felix the Cat/Teen titans(ew! Gay!) Townsend Coleman from the tick/TMNT/Fewrngully/Inspector Gadget/90s superman/Timon & Pumbaa/90s Spider-Man/Mighty Ducks: The Animated Series/Batman Beyond/The Batman/Hulk and the Agents of S.M.A.S.H./Animaniacs/Danny Phantom/Earthgworm Jim/Dexters Lab/Fairly Odd Parents, Joey Dedio from Extreme Ghostbusters/Law & Order/Captain Planet and the Planeteers, Janice Karman fro Albin sand the Chuipmpnks, Danny Goldman from Robot Chicken/Mighty Max/The Smurfs/Yopung Frankenstwein/MASH, Frank Welker from pretty much everything, Aaron Lohr from the Mighty Ducks Movies/ Goofty Movie/Baywatch/Fox's Peter Pan and the Pirates/The Wondr Yewarts/Blossom/Law & Order/Blue Bloods, Don Messick from The Andromeda Strain/ the 70s Charlotte's Web/Rudolph and Frosty's Christmas in July/The Last Unicorn/Jetsons: The Movie/Tiny Toon Adventures: How I Spent My Summer Vacation/The Flintstones/Yogi Bear/The Jetsons/Jonny Quest/The Banana Splits Adventure Hour/Scooby Doo/Tom and Jerry/Rudolph's Shiny New Year/The Smurfs/The Transformers/DuckTales/Tom and Jerry Kids/Tiny Toon Adventures/Bobby's World/Bonkers/Garfield and Friends/Freakazoid!/The Real Adventures of Jonny Quest. Lorenzo Music from Garfield/TaleSpin/Darkwing Duck/Rugrats/The Jetsons/The Real Ghostbusters, Laurie O'Brien from Dungeons & Dragons, George C. Scott from Inherit the Wind/The Rescuers Down Under/Patton/The Bible: In the Beginning.../Dr Strangelove, Russi Taylor from Who Framed Roger Rabbit/Jetsons: The Movie/DuckTales the Movie: Treasure of the Lost Lamp/The Rescuers Down Under/Babe/Fantasia 2000/The Flintstones & WWE: Stone Age SmackDown!/The Smurfs/Dungeons & Dragons/Muppet Babies/DuckTales/The Simpsons/Bonkers/Biker Mice from Mars/The Critic/A Flintstones Christmas Carol/Timon and Pumbaa/Quack Pack/Disney's House of Mouse/Teen Titans, and a few not on wikipedia

so it starts with a message of President Bush 1 and his woman saying to talk about drugs and booze and keep off em

then wee ghet this innocent home and littlew blonde girl in bed like a specilburg nmovie and a hand takes her piggy banm

the smurfs in the book notice and come out to aleart her, as alf and garfield are there

why does she have a framed picture of alf?

so alf sez "helf or i eat u" to fgartlcid and the chipmonks come out of a rewcord

hwr pooh bear doll has em use a kermit baby clock to wake her up and the toons hide as i guess this is toy story

and slimer is therte for no reason ands eats a clock that looks like fruit and the light shines on where her banmk was and she sees it

i assume thats the real slimer and this is canon to ghostbusters

so the toons, who are not a different sizew, go in tthe girls brothers room aand he busted the  bank and sister comes in and catches hgim with it and a box he hides under the bed

The toons are hiding there and see inside and simonb knows its chronic

sister trus to help brother but hes all f;d pout and has devolved eyes and walks ouyt

the toons decide to save him from his addiction and many of them go off to help him

at an arcade the teen uses chronic and this smoke daemon tells him evil like forget ur sister and her bank

also 1 of his homies offers him crack like he's biden jr

now i'm not the biggest fan of bush 1 or 2, but at least they knew drugs were bad!

with back door biden legalizing cheroniuc, its only a matter of tyime before cocainum is decriminalized

teen almost does crack but the cops come and the teens scatter and he runs as innocent people have much to fewar from the law

the smoke dssaemon leaves him and the cop comming is bugs bunny impersonating one

smoke mocks bugs formbeiung a toon and bugs seals him in a garbage can

bugs find ajoint and asdks why he started and ten sez he wanted to

bygs uises a coyotes time machine which looks like the technodrome

at home the dad knows theres some beers missing and mom asks  sister if her bro is ok and she sez no

pooh asks wehy dshe didnt tell and shes surprizd he can tock

she dont wanna tell as she dont want him in toreuble and blaming him and pooh sez if she dont teell he might get wortse

bugs showes a b/wthing of him 2 years ago when he was young and innocent and sees teens smoking chronic and trys it cuz they prtessured him as the said he was a candya55 if he didnt

reminds me of mike tyson how he didnt wanna be seen as weak for losing a boxing match, so he disqualified himself by biting off the other guys ears

now we dont think he's weak, we thinks hes devolved and borderloine cannibal

bugs sez; if everyone jumped off a cvliff, would tyou?

well, now we got base jumping

also thats the kinda logic people use to justify things today

its natural, animals doi it

like inbreeding and eating poop

teen sez the junkies are his friends and wont  steer him wrong, but bugs sez you gotta believe in urself

drugs make u feel good now but after a wehile, they ruin u

at home, sister tells dad shes worried of brother and he sez teens always are weird

with his droogs, 1 teen wants 10 4 for crack and teen dont think its good ,, but smoke daemon throws the wallet of teen and blondce junkie runs

teen runs after her and falls in the sewer and meets michaelangelo from ninjha turtlkes

so is this canon to who framed roger rabbit or thew chip and dale movie?

minmkey sez the drugs are devolving his brainand pulls a plug and the sewage drains to a roller coaster with the muppet babies and seeing the human brain to show the drugs devolve u

also as u get used to it, you need em toi function

btw chronic ages and devoil;ves the brain, which makes it function worse and impares your thinking ability

also the human brain doesnt finish developing until its in the mid 230s, so ir urt under 25 and doing drugs, its gonna f u up

teen realizes this is his brain thats spazzing out and he sees himself struggling to functuion on a sk8 board

trhe brain stratts falling apart and the muppets escape and teen wakes up in a field and the hewie dewie and lewie from ducktales are there

they sez to say no and song a song with the other toons to say no as smoke jdaemon offers em drugs

i had several guys trying to offer me drugs and i always said no and told him i dont do drugs, and got oiutta there

you never know what those drugged up animals might dfo

remember that guy they saidf was on bath salts who ate the hobos face and the cops shredded him with gunfire?

the tox screen said he only had chronic in his system

some people are vulnerable to psychotic breaks from the substances in the drug and it breaks them

not everyone, but some people smooke 40m years and never get lung cxancer

do you really wanna play russuian roulette with your sanity?

also as that guy was eating a mans face, it reminded me of how chumps attack people and eat off their faces/hands/parts

drugs causes devolutions!

btw, why wasnt there optimus prime or one of the transformers in here?

i mean yeah a 20 foot truck would be kinda weird to fit in, but it would work

maybe get the robotech guys in here like lisa talking about his cousin who OD'd after the war

they did that weird UN thing so they could do a drug add

so teen wakes up in bed and finds his drugs and sister comes in asking tio talk to the rents

he is b--chy and threatens her adn twqqists her arm but feels bad as she runs off

he reconsiders his drug use and alf brings him to a hall of mirrors to show him his devoilved look where hes all rotted

teen sez he can quit anytime he wants and shows him the man in charge whops tyhe smoke daemon

sister comes backa nd finds his drugs and smoke daemon trys to get ther to do the drugs

pooh sez dont but smokey throws im in the closet and looks in

in teens world,m he seez a roller coaster and amusement part like nightmare ciurcis but not as f'ds up and flys around through saws and the indsise of a monster as toons are around

after a buncha wridfd cr-p hes eventually winds up seeing his future where ddaffy isd a fortune teller

sister wants to do drugs to be friends with her brother again and teen sez him as a rotted zombie all spazzed out

the toons tell him hes good w/o drugs andhe comes out and sees his sister holding her drugs

he knox em out and tells her to never do it but she sez he does it and theres a word struggle between somke daemon and sister over  teens soul

he throws smoke thing out into the gfarbage truck and smokey vboes to be back

teen sez the thing will return a but now he has his rents to help him and pooh escapes a c[lostet and jimps inot the poster with all thewse liscences characters, whos ownbers i doubt wiould allow this poster to be made

then a soft innocent song of hoppe wuith cartoon voices

the end

tht was actually good

nreally quality animation, esp compared to today

grteat music

nice voices and a good message

its got heart and good style and is kindfa like beyound scared strtaight or iunterventiuon\

i liked it and it holds up

nowadays people mock it but after all the drug shows i've seen, its got more truth than most would admit

also pagan tribes used mind altering substances to allow wicked spirtits to accesss them and commune

llike how The bible says the unriughteous dont get the kingdom of Heaven, and 1 thing is called "sorcerreers" but the original word was Pharmacia, which means drugs

When President H W Bush went after Panama for its drug lords, they found at his place a lot of drugs and stuff fort black rituals!

When I was a 90s kid I saw  power rangers adds sayiong not to do drugs, whch helped me stay clean

same with liqour and smokes and b0ning

nowadays they try to make drugs look fun or coolm, but really, its deadly

for Cartoon All Stars to the Rescue 2 i want it to be about a new generation of kids getting into drugs and modern cartoons like steven universe or the netflix she ra say that chronic is good for you and opens your mind, but then the REAL cartoons come in and counter with facts about drugs, but the modern cartoons get offended and spazz out and call em racist, but the 80sm  and 90s cartoons dont care what the modern ones think and its a big epic battle between the past ones and modern ones, also its a 64 bit DS and PSP gamelike mario and sonic at the olympics where you play as either the modern casrtoon characters or good ones and face various mini games over the soul of the kids in the 20xx years.

Tuesday, October 4, 2022

Teen Wolf Review

 note; i spell non furry

YTTeen Wolf

This is my revierwe on Teen Wolf from the distant future year of 1985(the year lisa from robotech was born)

its directal by Rod Daniel who did Home Alone 4: Taking Back the House

it stars miuchaerl j fox from back to the future 01-03/Homeward Bound: The Incredible Journey Mars Attacks!/Stewartn Little 01-03, James Hampton from The China Syndrome, Matt Adler from the day AFTER TOMORROW, Mark Arnold from blade runner 2049, the well done Mark Holton from pee wees big adventure/The Naked Gun: From the Files of Police Squad!/A League of Their Own/Leprechaun 001/Seinfeld/Leprechaun Returns, Scott Paulin from the 80s/90s Captain America, and some 80s chicks i never heard of

i saw most of this b4 but didnt see it all but it got some 80s and 010s tv shoes and had plans for the horrid alyssia milano to be in it

so after logo and credits for a while, we get sweaty micahrl j fox shootin some b ball and his team f's out

when grappling for the ball he goes a bit daemon and the guy lets him have it, only to f up the shot

so in da showers this cool guy in shades wants money and trys tio scam guys form it

also fox has a long chest hair and goes to see da coach for help but coach has irs issues and dont care

he has issues with his body developing and dont wanna play anymore

nowadays he's wanna take hormone blockers whuich prevent bones from developing and they cripple out

coach sez his problems are piddly and his life is good as hes got a job with his dad

and then he transitions from mammal to avian and becomes micharl j c0cks!

or was tyhat his p00rn0 name?

so fox b--ches to a chick about him not wanting things to dyasytay thew same and wants to do something, also hes into a chick called pamela

better thn tht animal nazi pam anderson, someone otta giuve her a blended horse enema

so fox goes to his dads hardware store and hears somethingoh its a dog whistle and takes itfrom a kid blowing it

he's devolving! from man, to dog, to lizard, to frog, to frenchie!

later at school the pircnlepl throws him tape in the hall and then this blonde is doing a play reading

fox interrupts to try to hit on herand invite her to a thing but this alpha male comes in and smooches the blonde and they goo oof

so later he tells dad at dinner he wants to quit b ball and later his shades scammer homie wantys him too stick up a liquor store with a plastic gun in his pocket and pay for it so he cant say he wobbed it

he gopes in adnd asks but the owner wants ID but he goers daemon boice and the guy gives him it\

its gonna go urotsukidoji, he'ds gonna b0ne someone til they blow apart@!

so they drive around with a keg i assume they aint drinking, but thenm 1 guy is standing on a car as they drive to surfi usa

fox grows elf ears for a bit and freaks out but iut goes

man this guys a dumba55, 1 move and hes street grease!

so they go to a party and theres a stack of kegs of beer as, like drugs or guns, making it illegal doesnt stop people from gettin git

they play 80s party games where they hand out names and the teens gotta do stuff with the oname they got, whikch i assume in the real version is b0ning

this chick gets foix and thery go to da closet and make out but his claws poke her

after times up they come out and later, foc drives his dads van home an is kinda spazzy

then he goes to the bathroom and devolves into a sasquatch thing and dad wants to know what hes doing in there

imagine if in the real version he was j-rkin oiff and balsting the walls with foamy goo?

so he opens the door and dads a sasquatch too and he sez he was hoping he wouldnbt have to worry of this as it might skip a generation

so he goes to his room and dont wanna talk and the next day he sezx there was a full moon and he dont wanna be a werewolf as he thinks they eat people and stuff but dad sez thats onlu movies

herewul;f is a part of him but dont change what he has inside

so at school he sees the chick he offered to date who sez he missed it and chick he made out with is p-ssed at him for some reason

at class he hears of roomulas and remus who were fed by a wolf milk and at another class is a book by toim wol

so he goos up to the black boiard and his thumb is clawed and he sppazzes out and runs off  to the toilet

imagine in the real version he really had a b0ner and ran to j-rk off on the floor?

toilet 1 is outta order and toilet 2 had a guy in it writing on the mirror, probably a message to the guy hes gonna eat nexty

in the 3rd bathroom he uses the sink and porinciple wants to see his hands but its clean and he wants to know who is using a marker

so later scammer goes through his garage for something his bro has and when fox asks to tell him someithing, scammer asks if hes a faeg

so fox turns furry and can do it at will but somethines it comes out on its own\

also scammer is wearing a shirt saying "what are you looking at d=-=k nose?"

surpriuszed this wasnt centiored on comet

so chick he made out with is plauying b ball with fdox's dad which is normal for teen and teens rents to do and wins, but then dad does well afgter she leaves

chick talks with fuches about him being inot the blonde and how blonde has a manly bf

later its a b ball game and scammer and chick sit mirror of each other with legs crossed to show his important homies at school

in the game he devolevs, and everyone startes, but he scores a baskewt and wveryone cheers

thats nromal, they see a freakin sasquatch and are cool with it cuz he can play spoirts

then again, often celebs get away with b0ning things they souldnty, so this is less awful

is this where air bud got it from?

so they go to the uyice bar or w/e and have poizza nd blonde likes michael j furry now

then hesd a celeb at school in a montagebe being a werewulf in shacdes

this is like something from yugiho gx

so vice pricinle sez fox may be special but hes till the vive pricnlpel and fgox is cool with it

so teen wolf wins another gamne and has fans wanting autiographs and does wlel in class

at anothher game he is a ball hog and is letting it go to his head and sdcammer is selling teen wolf cr-p

also blonde wants to givbe fuchs a role in the play made for him

so in da play blonde plays a southern belle who begs not to burn her home buy yankee fox wiolf orders his men to

then blonde takes fox back and in in her undies  and seducing him and i think they b0ned

is that interspecies?

well, so is Goku/Chichi in DBZ or Max/Miriya in robotech

so they go gbowling and alpha male is there and dont like fox b00ning his gf asnd tells him off saying hes still a nerdf and his kind was blown out with alpha males shotgun

so wolf tajkes blonde back home and she serz shes still seeing alphamale and is going to da dance with hm

after a game, the other teams menbers is disgruntled with wulfewnstein stealing the wins and glory

scammer gets a big a55 van called then wolfmobile and drives around with fox on the roof playing air guitar like bill and tes and doing stunts like flips that ate TOTALLY not a stunt double

dad sees and later talks with wolf about not gopoing to work at the hardware store and car surfuing

so wolf sez a kot of guys hate him and dad sez once he got mad and wolfed out and scared off a guy after mrs wolf but regretted it as it changed things

so later chick wants to go to the dance with fox not wolf and he dont wanna, but they'd still dance even as a werewulf

then a saturday night life or live or fever thing of him getting ready for the dance and then at da dance its prtetty 80s or 50

alpha male sez to keep away from his woman and he dances with chiick to 80s mucic

everyone dances except cvice pricjicle and blonde/alpha male

so chuick i think b0nes teen wolf and wait, he turns back to human modfe for a 30 mis, thern they come back and i think they b0ned

alpha male slugs out fox and calls him a frerak for being with his bimbo and i got a phone call from some gaijin so i missed it but wikipedea sez he attacked him ina woilf frezy and leaves

vice pricnlpe, sez he wanted this for a long time and is gonna kick him out but wolfs dad comes obver and sez to leave him alone and makes wolf sounds

i think vice was the guy dad wolfed out on as a youth

so in da play rehearsal he dont do the wolf and goes off anbd later sez to his droogs he cant woldf out anymore

but the finals in b ball is in a few hours and if he plays as da wolfd he'd s-ck

so he goes there and they play withough the wolf and its an 80s montage and the main team does well out of noweree

so also the alpha male is on the otherr team, which i wonder about as i thought he was at this school

so in the last second with 1 point behind, aplha male knox down fox on sox and c0x and he gets 2 free throws

so to the surpirze of no one who watches 80s movies, he makes it and everyone cheers in slo mo

blonde goes to fox but he skips her as shes a sl-t and makes out with chickthen his thing gets the full fwulf power and extrends so fat it skerers her and pinsd her to the ceiling


the end

pat peach? thom adcock? isd this a p0rn0?

but that was a good one

nice lite teen movve about findfing ur place and knowing who uyr real friends are

nice effects and story and music and the acting is well done

its got heart and holds up and tells its right

it was 12+ in soviet brazilk/norway and was pg in America as they ainb't candya555

For Teen Wolf 2 I want it to be later and fox is turning weird, soo he starts devoving more into an animal creature with a tail and muzzle and longer parts, also he starts notricing other dogs as atytrACTIOVE and fights his urges, its also a 32/64 bit Dating Simuylator on Sega Saturn, N64, PS1 and 3DO where you play as the wulf and have several girls, including various animals, that you date as you gradually devolve like with Jeff Goldbloom in The Fly