Saturday, January 30, 2021

Red Sun Review

 Note: I spell Japaneseier

Red Sun

This is my review on Red Sun from the disatant future year of 1971 (The year my cool 90s aunt was born)

Its got charlkes Bronson, Toshiro Mifune, Ursula Andress and no one else i know.

Its directal by Terence Young who did a buncha james bond cr-p

i never saw this but heard its good

after credits top bronson riding his horse to a traine station andchasing dda  hoprse away, we  get text saying by 1860, japan opened up top da world AND 10 years later the ambassatpor is fd by stuff

so at da ttrain station a samurai comes out anmd he and buronson look at each other

is this whhy we gotr Gagaga Samurai and Zexal?

on da train a bounty hunter holds bron at gunpoint but a homie puulls a gun on hunter and makes him jump outta moving traine

in da train deck,. bron lights a mnatch witn his thumb and lights a guys cigaR

then bron holds up da train cart and when a guy is gonna stop him, homie caps  him asnd the shot goes through him and another guy

da TRAIN STPOs FOR SSHEEP ON THE TRACVK (WHICH IT SHOUL;D JUSTY PLOW THROUGH EM) ANDwasteland warriors attack the train with duy no mite

so the soldiiers got iced and the train ges on, then stops and brtonsons guys blow a cart wiithg dy no mite and loot it

they then go to the japoanese cart and the ambassator sez not to f with him as da gov proiimised him protection

bron and homie go in and see samurai and are gonna loot the place and if anyoine trys to stop em, ambassator gets it

they give him the cash and bron leaves but homie jacks a gold katana gift for the prez

1 samurai trys to stop him but homie caps him

then homie blows the train and he and the raiders are goiong but samurai aks homie his name so he can take him out

homie leaves and sez his name and the japanes ebery the capped samurai

bronson survived the tarain blowing and ambassator wants samurai and bronson to catch homie

in 7 days ambassaator is comming back and if samurai dont got the item back, he's gonna seppuku

and if bron dont go with him, samurai will waste him

so they go off and after a failed attempt to escape by bron, they go on and bronson insults samurai

samurai reveals he know english and oh yeah, the other samurai who got it was like a broither to this guy

just like moon shadow and sun shadow in ytugioh arc v (more like HIV)


samurai and bron camp for the night and bron wants to have samurai keep homie alive for a day so he can interrogate him

samurai sez no and he slept while walking so bron cant escape at night

also if bron leads samurai around for a week, samurai will cutr him down

after samuirai shares japanese food with him, bron trys to get his boots back as samurai took em but samurai catches him and bron fakes being after mostiques

samurai easily takes the 1 mosutiswe out

what is he? a ninja?

is tthat where the karate kid got it from?

dA NEXTE DAYYE THEYE GOE ON and bron shoves samurai off a cliff anbd wwalks on

samurai comes back and bron trys to spear him with a STICK

SAM,URAI CUTS IT DOWN BIT BNY BIT WITH HIS KAtana and bron sez he can take him w/o the item

samurai throws down his katanA And bron trys fighting him but gets thrown around

samurai beats him down and burns off half of bronsons face with a ki blast


really they go on through the hokuto no ken wastelands and find a ranche with horses

they go in and see a chick being tormented by some wastelanbd guys

i think thisa is where vuiolenvce jack got it

the raiders cap a guy and 1 mexico guy goes in da barn the heroes were in and samurai cuts him down

bronson caps some guys and seemss to be about to cap samurai but dont

bron givees samurai a horse annd tells how to use it but samurai isds pro at it

they leave and samurai gives the farkm chix gold and bron wants samurai to either gpo his own way, or if he comes, to let homie live long enuff to get da info on da gold

bron spooks da horse and runs and hides as samurai eventyually gets control of da hotrse and ghoos on

later samurai is going through water and bron sneak attaX him and trys drowning him to get him to aGREE TO SPARE HOMIE

then brings him out and ssamurai tells of his family legacy of 400 yyears of samurtai

then goes on about japan changing and samurai times are ending so this is his last chance

later bron finds bodies of homies men and goes to this town to wait for homie as theres a chick there he lines

they go to a wh=re house and bron catches this frenchie and makes out with her after she nearly caps samurai

1 mexico comes out and sez bron is said to ahve been iced in a bada55 fight and bron tells mexico top not tell anyone or samurai takes off his ears

bron goes up adn sees ursula andrerss and shes the one homie is goonna see

bron offers to split the treausre with her and when she dont wanna he locks her in da room and nails the windows shut

samurai is running outta time and they drink together and bron wants samurai to b0ne some chickj

he goes up with the mexicano chick and bron wants tyo peek on him

but samurai is being bathed in a half barrel and when bron comes in, samurai throws kunai at him to make him stop

ther next day, charles bronson has b0ned this frenchie and i think samurai b0ned the mexico and homies men stop by

bronson wants to bring urusala and when a guy comes for her, she yells brons here, so bnron and samurai waste em

1 guy survives and bron takes him captive and sends hiom out to tell homie to bring the gold and the sword in exchange for the usrusa

bron, samurai and usurala go of and she swears at them and they go up to eht snow capped mountains

up there bron tells urusla she's a wh=re and offers her gold to get her dream

samurai takes a bath in his samurai undies but bronson takes his clothes and makes him promise to let him have homie alive for a day

evantually samurai agrees and they go on in the snow

btw, mifune has bigger eyes than bronson

so in the homies stone lair the cputred guy comes over ands tells homie and homie almost caps hium but dont

btw homies name is cgauche like nistro in yugioh zexal

and his goons ride out and bron and friends find a town raided by commanchis

later urusla trys seducing bron and when she starts taking off his clothes, gets his gun

but its empty and he slugs her out


so the girl gets away but bron and samurai go after her but the commachi get her

1 hassles her and she shanks him with his own knife and they tie her up with wet rawhide to choake her as it drys and watch

eventually, samuirai and bron come in and waste the comanchi and bron shoots off the rawhire

she's gonna ahve trouble swallowing for a bit

ooh, Tetsu Nakamura playedf the ambassator was in the H man and Mothra

so they go on and 1 comachi escaped and lurks around watching

so they go to homies base and no ones there and eventually, homie is on the roof and has em at gunpoint

so instead of capping em, homie just talks and takesd their weapons

she sez they saved her from commaches and he's gonna ice em

but then the comanchis attack and in the chaos the homie, broin and samurai team up and fight em

samurai gets back the item and evantually the comachis retrueat for now

they escape in the tall grass as more comanchi come and evantually they fight

the comanchi set fire to the grass to burn em out and samurai cuts away the crass around em to keep em from burning

more comanchis attack and evryone fights, no one quits, even urusla

samurai cuts down more conamchi and evantually has a duel wioth 1 using a spear

homie gets his shooting arm capped and the comannchis are dead

samurai is gonna cut down homie but hhesitates for his oath and when bron sez kill him, homie caps him

homie is cocky and dont think bron will cap him as he'd not get the treasure

bronson epmtys a shotgun into homie and vows to deliover the sword

then samurai bites it and goes to jigoku and bron puts hoim ion the field for archeologists to discover and be confused by

urusala offers to join bron in finding da gold but he sez no and goes off to deliver the gold katana

btw rush hour totally didn't rip this off as its an asian warrior and smart a55 american working together

so he leaves the gold katana on the wires above the ttrain station as the ambassators traIN  comes in

the end

that was prtretty good

good buddy movie with 2 different guys teaming up

1 stytraight arrow 1 by his own rules

good acting, fights, action, story and style

if this were anime we'd see the samuraI SLICING GUYS IN HALF likew ShutenDoji

I liked it

it holds up and works well

For Red Sun 2 I want Bronson's kid and the Samurai's kid to team up in the Russian Japanese War of 1905 and Bronsons kid is a mercenary and Samurai's kid is a samurai agent and they gotta get back a Japanese treasure from the Pre Soviet Russians who wanna use it to bring down the Czar and rule the continent as demongods. Also its a 2 player beat em up on Sega Genesis, Snes, Tg16, Atari Jaguar and GBA where you play as either the Samurai Jr or Bronson Jr and chhop your way through guys in a weird slavic winter area aand the boss is the commie leader who uses the item to digivolve into a big abomination.

Wednesday, January 27, 2021

The Lodger A Story Of The London Fog Review

 Note: I spell suspiciouisd

The lodger A Story Of The London Fog

this is my review on Thje Lodgher a storeey of the london fog fromn 1927

Its directed by Hitchcock and is based on a 1913 book and a play based on jack the ripper

i sdaw this b4 and liked it

it stars Malcolm Keen from ther disney rob roy, Reginald Gardiner from the great dictator and a buncha 1800s guys i never knew of

also this is the 1st film wheere huitchcock camneroes in

so it starts wioth a cool title card like in the 90s Batman and creedits to music

then a blonde screaming and then people finding whats left of her

bttw this is in proper fuiullscreen and hass kind ofg a goldish sepia tone

i ike

so da cops investiogate and i think they're unarmed as its soviet england and they fear the fireaRM

so the press gets worde of a suspect with a covered face and spreads it  like aids

the media reports the killer taking out a blonde and calls him "the avenger"

so i guess hes doing it for payback agassinst the 5kanks?

then we see somew dancers or shghowgirls or w//e reading da  newz and hearing how thge avenger blikes blondes and some are blondes

look out dana! the invid want your hair!

1 girlk called daisy like the mario chick does a fashion show or w/e  with other 1800s chix

people joke that she shouldnt bleach her fair and saome chix coiver theirs in hats

imagine if the avcenger went to Japan and went after all those blondes like sailopr venus or naruto or rangiku ornami koishikawa?

so daisay i think comes home and reads the paper and a guy sez her likes blondes 2

he ooks kinda gross weith those creepy teeth

also theryt are cookie cutting some ddough

so l8r a guy comes over and we get aa cool sjhot of him with hisd face scarfed and his hat

he wants tgo rentg a room and seems kinda offbeat like johnny depp or something

also he looks at paintingfs of blondes queerly

he pays for a 1 month in advance and wants only bread butter and milk

he puts his bag in a wood thing and turns around the paintings as he dont like emk

daisy comers in wityh a joker looking smile and laughs an her mom, removes the paintings

the teeth guy sez he's glad lodger aint keen on the girls

sounds like he's gonna be b0ned by him

then lodger walks around as the people under him hear it

da next day daisy gives him breaklfast and he acts weird with the butter knife

then its days later and lodger is platyiung chess with daisy

when she knox over a piece he reaches for the poker and later it shows him using it to poke the fireplace

also ther avegnder struck and teeth wantys to tell daisy

also lodger likes daisys hair

imagine if he had as hair fetish and was intoi hairt expansion?

i got a friend who likjes curvy blondes.  I showed him lilianj gish and he liked her, but when he saw Blanche Sweets he liked her more

so they go and daisys mom sees lodgers cash on a ledge and says he otta be more carewful

also teeth wants to take out avenger and marry daisy

teeh and daisy play around and he slips handcuffs on her as i guiess hes into S before M and lodger sees

the cuffs come off and rodger is disturbed but dasy and teeth are having fun

teeth suspects lodger might be up to something with daisyu

later its another fashion show and in moms room is a cool window light shadopw like in caligarfi

lodger goes around the house and mom hears and sees him gooing oot

later a chick gets it opfscreen and teh croiwd fiunds a card saying the evenger

as this is inspired byu actual events they otta put it on the history channel

they already had a few jack the ripper shows, so they could have this on easy

so mom goes into lodgers room when hes out and snoops throiugh his things (which isn't allowed nowadays) and finds the locked wood thing

heath lkewdger comes backj and she returnsd  to her room and lodger comes back

da nexte daye the papers say the avenger took out a chick near daisys place

teeth comes by andf they talk and susperxct lodgher of being the avenger

teeth goes up and sees him hugging daisy and gets b--chy buit she sez she was sacared by a mouse (candy a55)_

lodger sez if this happens agaiuin he's taking his business elsewhere

teeth sez theres something abnout lodger he cant stand aND MAKEES OUT WITHDAISYT

mom sez to dad that lodger went out last knight for half asn hour and came back but ttried toi do it quiet

she suspex heath legder of being the avenger and dont want daisay alone witrh him

later its a fashioon shhow ands logherr is there and lights a chicks cigarette

later da copz see the avenger is moving in a pattern and his next hit will be by the lodging houses

imaghine if its like the giant claw aand going in a spiral?

also he's in a triangular area like witrh borgslayer in big bad beetleborgs

later daiast gets a new dress for da shoiw from logger and her rentys aint pleased

dad takes it back to loghty and logher is a bit offbeat about it

then its night and lodgeris working on a triangle map ofg the avengers victims

also its raining cuz england has a55 wearther

daisy takes a bath anb roger ramjet almost coomes in but knox instead

nowadays he;dd coome in and we'df see her t-ts

they talk about the dress and he sez her dad dont wantt em together

she laughs with her joker mouth about it

later mom hears daisy and logher gooing oot and freaks out

they go to this park bench and teeth i think catches em smooching with consent

he tells off loger and sahe tells teeth to gtfo

teeth snaps and karate cjhhops her neck and her head flys off, thern b4 its fully dead, starts b0ning the neck hole


really they go off and he's bummed

but wheen looking at a footprint he puts topgerther the clues of lodger probasbly beuing avenger

so logder aND daisy come home and hasve a soft moment of light slow kissing

but later he pushes her off and they kiss again

are they b0ning?

then teeth brings da cops for the lodger and cateches em making out

teeth has a search warrent which im surprised ytou need in soviet england as i though the gov and ther regent owned the people

the cops find the bag in the locked wood thing and in it is a gun which is against the law in soviet england, and a map with the triangle of the avengers hits

also is newspaper things of the avenger and a photo of one of the avenbgers victims

logan paul says its his sister who was iced and they arrest him

he grabs teeth';sds neck and struggles but is pulled off and daisy sez hes innocent

he's cuffed and brought out but he escapes whern the mom faints by running out da door

he looks so sensitive and scared in most of this film

so he goes to the bench he was smooching daisy on and she goes out looking for him

they meet and he tells of how his sister got iced after they went dancing and the lights went out a ands when they went on she was iced with the avengers card

his mom bit it from the shock and made him swear to find the avenger

and now he's been tracking him and is gonna be by the place he rented

daisy gives him a coatr and they go to get him some brandy to warm him up

in da bar she feeds him brandy and after they go, teeth comes in and reveals to the people the perp is handcuffed

they spazz out and after the barflys boook it, teeth hears on da phone the REAL avenger was caught 10 mins ago

so  just like phantom of the opera, theres a huge a55 mob after the titlweguy who might be the bad guy

lodget runs but gets caught on the fence by his handcuffs and the mob gets him

hay its jjust like when a celeb is accused of something and the people want him strung up!

some things never change!

so teeth gets there and saves lodger and fights off thge mob as the papers reveal the avenger was arrestred

10 mins ago he wasn't there and now theyt got papers out for it?!

later in a hospital bed a dr sez lodger  is gonna be ok and had a severe nervous strain

well he was almost lynched

daisy is with him and later lodger (does he even have a name?!) comes down stairs and gets along with daisy nand her rents

they give back his toothbrush even though bnrits are known for really bad teeth and lodger and chick go to the other roo and make out

the end

that was pretty good

good camera work anmmd acting

good story that keeps you guessing

good characters

its not overcomplicated and tells the story right

althoguh in the book i think the lodger was the avenger but in here the studio didnt want the actor to be the bad guy

its well made and started a lot of things used in later hitchcock films

glad i saw it

this one is nice

good coloring and lighting and effects too

and its clean with no gore or b0ning

for The Lodger A Story Of The London Fog 2 I ant it to be about the trial of the caught guy who reveals the chicks he iced were to stop england from going down a wicked path and without him wacking em, england will hasve a great evil happen. so the trial goes on and just before the jury comes back, theres an earth quake and h-ll opens in england in the area where the avenger was icing chicks. daemons show up and it turns out he was right and now its up to the avenger to fight through the daemons that have taken over englasnd and take out the last few chicks to save it. Its also a 16 bit run n gun game on Sega genesis, snes, tg16, gba and atari jaguar that plays like ghouls n ghosts but set in a weird germasn expressionist meets la blue girl world.

Monday, January 25, 2021

Xtinction: Predator X Review

 Note; My spelling disproives evoiolution

xtinction: Predator X

this is my reviedw on xtinction predator x from 2010(The year of transformers season 3 in japan)

its also called aligator x and starts no one i know of

i nver saw it b4 but its on Comet and that usually has good movies

so after some logos that loo like a gamecube game we get guys boating around the bayou

the cops find an empty boat and call a guy and they both get eated by something in da water

then credits like a bad 00s show to 90s muics

so later this guys daughter sez on da phoine that her dad isnt there and no one knows where he go

also somneone wants to buy swampoland

a guy comes by and she aims a shotgun at him as she dont like him

hes a seinectity(nerd) and is just taking samples(sam- pulls?!@)

he gave up teaching and got into real estateshe's kinda b--chy at him and he goes

imagine if she put the gun in his butt and hgave him a suippository and eh blow apart?

so da sherrif comes by who sez nerd weas back for a few months and was barred from teaching for testing on animals

he wanted tro bring back an extinct tiger

so this is sebertooth?>

also she's his ex woman (the nerds)

sao them the cops fiund a piece of an arm and sheffir comes over and is p-ssed at the casual nature of the copsd

he thinks theres a man eating gater in da swamp

so is this gonna be primeval?

then a new guy offers chick 500 $ for a boating on da swamp

chick accepts even though she aint been hear for years

he wants her to taker him to some spot and she trys to takje him but something f's up

oh the engine got bcaught on something

also theres something in das water

so on land, new guy asks his blonde gf to marry him

it gets dark and theres werired souinds in da woods

its bigfoot!

chick goes out and finds some rednecks b0ning a fat guy and making pig sounds!

jk erally theyre feeding a guy to thje swamp thing

this huge a55 gator monster eats the guy

is this gonna be lake placid??

she runs back to da boat and the rednecks get her

da next day sgerif comes to a boat with cop in in and he['s f--kin up

also is a huge a55 tooth

so sherrif wants to find out whats eationg guys in da swampe

so chick wakes up in a redneck lab and they imply they b0ned the blonde

after taunting her, the rednecks take the new guy (future husbnand) outside

later nerd comes by cop and is gonna check the tooth

with the rtednex theres a metal sphere in da water nd they seem to feed him to it offscreen

then shrenif is in a boat and looking for chick

nerd tells cop that the monster is drying out in da water as something about fresh water and salt water

nerd sez theres a pliosaur which is a 50 foot seas lizard from the dino days

spoiler; evolution is noncanona nd the earth is only 60-0 years old, as proven by creation science

so later sherrif calls cop who tells him stuff but the phone f's out

so sherrfi climbs a tree for better reception ands ees the monstyer in the water

so it eats the guy in the boat who worked for chick who i never mentioned as he's not importrant

so chicxk trys to support blonde but blonde is too f'd out

chicj ttrys to answer a riunging phone buyt falls over

then a redneck comes in and rights her

she sez da ropes r 2 tight but he dont falll for it

she chats wuiuth him about what they dooing and he sez they majin monsters from bones

so coip coimes in on tyhe rednecks and pulls a gun but nerd nails his head and chicxk realizes nerd is behind everything

she gets b--chy over him p[robably icing her dad and she wishes she murdered him yesaterday

so he beats ko'd and when she comes to,, nerd whines about rednecks catching his ex woman

also he designed the monsater to be a chick so it can be used to breed and its ready to poop out eggs

but the waster would kil it

so nerd wants 1 rednek to give monster a tracking ddevice

later, nerd tells chickj that the sphere is a duck call for da monster and he wants her to sign over da deed or he'd feed cop to the tthing

she agrees and they untie her and she writes on loose bpaper held by 1 hand witrh nothing to press against

nerd tells redneck to tranq dart the thing and rednex are gonna feed em to it

but blonde flips a lighter asnd the rednex shack blows and rgew guysd escaPE

so monsater eats the boat they were gonna getta way in

oh and i think 1 redneck gets eaten

so nerd ttells remaining rednext to find and ice the guys asnd bring him the monster

shrerf is still in a tree and goes through water to land

cop bites it from blood loss and chicks choose toi go back as badds wont expect it

so chicks run anmd the monster jumps outta the weater like free willy, goes over a land bridge and eats a guy in other water

So redneck catches blonde at gunpoint and they fight as sherrif calls in tthe monster to his guys who dont buy it

chick runs into boat guy who workled for her i thjink (didnt he get eated?) who pulls a gun on her and is revealed to work for nerd

employee gets redneck who was probably b0ning the blonde and caps redneck cuzx nerd told him to b4

he drives them and reveals he betrayed her dad cuz his dad f'd him up or something (i cant tell with his accent)

wait, its cuz her dad b0ned his mom and made him

sherrif stands in da roasd with his firearm and jups at da llast minute and truck crashes into a building and somehow starts a fire

sherrif trys to save employee but he gave up on life and right after they run the place blows

wtf the guys name was froggy?!

like, sonic adventure DX?

so the monster is ready to poop out its kids and the good guys go to the next with the sphere thee

if its tuirmned off the montset bites it for some reasn

but nerd comes in with blonde at gunpoint and goes on a tirade about science and nature and cr-p

he throws blonde in da water and chick and sherrif bewat on him and throw him in da WATER TOO


f caps lock

then it comes on land and they fight it and they blow its head off with dynamite headdy

so the dr's come by andchicxksez shes gonna stay there and probabnly date sherrif

holy f the sheriff was the guy in white chicks and a night at the roxbury

then we see theres another monster in the water (like late placid?) and credits tpo 00s moucs

marine coordinator; danny cosmo

channel ur cosmos seiya!

deputy miuchael mmoore?

l;ike the fat commie?

the end

thazt was pretty good

standard direct to video monster movie

sorta like sharktopus or something

a bit from jurassic park and other films

but over all its not bad

it trys to ber srs but its a bit cheesy

its not great or anything but for a cheap monster film, its not awful

its worth a watch kinda

For Xtinction Predator X 2 I want it to be 20 years later and the monsters have taken over the bayou and its a forbidden zone. 2 treasurte hunters go in to find this lost confederate gold thing and  gotta fight off these monsters in exo armor with chainsaws and plazma cannons and gotta fight these things and other cryptids like a foulk monster and skunk ape. Its also a 16 bit hack and slash ghame like golden axe on Sega Genesis, Snes,. Gba, Tg126 and Atari Jaguar where.

Sunday, January 24, 2021

Spawn Review

 Note; i spell like h-ll


this is my review on Spawn froim the distant future year of 1997

it stars mihael jai whiteww, john leguizamo, martin sheen, d b sweeny, miko hughs and has frank welker

its directed by msark a z dippe who did pixel perfect, halloweentown high, frankenfish, garfield gets real, a few other garflied things and the reef 2 high tide

i never read the comics or watched the hbo show but saw a bit of this years ago

it did well at da box oriface but critits slammed it

so it starts with narration about a battle between heanev and h e double england andf they recruit souls for it

then iots a milirtay base in pre soviet hong kong and a guy busts in and wasts everyone

he sets up a missile and takes out a guy who just landed there, then blows the area to cover his tracks

then narrator sez he fought for good but the violence in his life made him go to h e doub;le new york and we get credits over a fire tunnel to 90s music

lol, steve "spaz" williams

so then in the news it says the bad countrys hate amarica now(Just wait til the media starts bashing President Trump)

Then sheen is talking to a shaowed over guy about working with him and shaow man wants him to wack al simmons(like richard simmons brotyher?)

then its daytime and al is going to work and leaves his dog in charge of the hopuse

al was the guy from the start who wacked all those guys

he goes to see sheen and whines about howe the place he bew was supposded to be clean of innocents

and now he wants out but sheen sez he wont be happoy if he goes but lets him go after 2 more mission

he has to take out bio wepons

so he goes there and the plant is gonmnarelease the virus and theres a town near that will get f'd

sheen shows up and sez they'll be test subjects like with that guy in batman beyond

so this chick shootys al in the legs, sprays him wityh fluid and martin throws a cigar on him and he burns, then ther area blows

so he wakes up in h-ll and its a f'd city like the crow or la and he's all cooked

he meets miko huighs as he got run over in pet semetary and narrator isd there and narratos sez its a holy mplace

narratodr sez he can join em but he sez no and narraort sez treally 5 years have gone by and he comes back to earth cuz the bad guy did stuff

at his once hoome he seez a b day party with a huge a55 clown and her with his homie

he spazzes out and his dog licks his decrtoded face and his womans kid offers him candy

his woman takes the kid and homie tells al to gtfo and cloppwn notices him

so clown meets al in an ally is is a gross slop

clown tells akl hes ded and shows him a vision of him makking a deal with dark ruler to lead his army to be allowed tro see his woman agauinb and avewenge himself

clownn sez he's like a guardian angel and br8ings him to his bodyu to dig it up

some edgy 90s teens are having a black ritual and see him and he gets his spawn form

clown sez he can still diere and if sppawjnn fails they both go tpo h-ll

so back on urth clowneats a maggot pizza and narrator shows up and sez he killed fore good and wants to help al

clowhn has that 90s tude like bubsy like finding a maggot pizza and saying "yuck! i hate anchovies!"

so thenn there's a news thing of the woorld going f''d and homie in an interview

and sheen sez the plague they made by the town is ready and only they have the vaccines

totally not like 2020 with that similar thing

then spawn comes in and getsa his guns

homie meets sheen who thnx him for using the medias to make him look good

just like da bad prez from 08-16

homie wants to stop lying but sheen weont let him and implies he'se goona f up the homie's fam

they go to a party with high rank guys and sheen chats with guys about new stuff to use to f da urth

but homie gets word of a security thing

then spopawen crashes through da roof like batman and hgas a big a55 cgi cape

he cvonfronts sheen and throws him across the room and con fronmts homie over marrying his gf

he's about tgo cap em but the chickbad guy showes up and opens fire with 23 machine guns

spawen fires back and heals with his green power

totally not like The Crow

she fights spawn and he capsx her on purpose

totally bada55 as nowadays you can't have good guys intentionally icing guys

esp chix

look at those candy a55 marvel films

so spawn escapes and has dr octopus chains to swing from and da cops open fire on his a55

un til his grows a cgi capoe and turnsd invidibl;;e

but after turning bak a piece of roof falls and tyhey fire on him(totally notg like ben hur)

so he flies off on his cgi 90s cape

so the cops clean up the mess after and sheen chats with clown about not warning him about spawn

clown sez to hook a device to his heart so if it stops the plague is released and sheen is to release the plague soon

later, soawns gf does a presentation on the plage in korea that f'd the vtown b4 and spawn sees the gfs kid and dog

she thinks his face is cool and they talk and he reveals he knew her mom

thej fat a55 clown in a cheerleader outfit dances as this is the 90s and dark ruler calls him back tro h e double soviet new york and sez he has to ice scheen and relase the virus to complete his army

homie comes forn gf and kid and tells em the attack and they go and leave the dog as he wont comer and knows the way hgome

in da afterlife, miko is gonna get beat by his dad for barfing rotten food but spawn beats on dad, but miko mido saves him

oh and the dog spaz went withj him

so sheen gets a heart moniter installed in him and spawn in a burned out building, totally not like the crow, chats with miko

sop clowhn meets spwn and spawn sez clown set him up

clown sez its his destiny or w/e and  clown grabs spaz and al caps him

clown digivolves to a big cgh action figure and fights spawn

spawn shoots the floor and they fall after being grabbed

then clown vanishes, shows up, grabs miko's dad and throws him

btw spawns face mask comming on it toptally not like venom

so  he vanishes again, attacks spoawn from behinmd and throws him around

then turns back as spaw is crucvified on a fennce

clpown mocks spawn and sez hes gonna b0ne his gf and goes

but narrator shhoewws up and gets him down

meanwhile hoimie downloads files aand nasrratopr heals spawn

then trys to get spawhn to stop following anger and vengeance and violence

oh and to let gf go

so he trains spawn to use his tentacle chain nipples like its that scene in the BAOH manga

also he tells spawn if he uses too much power he bites it

sp spawn goes off on a mototcycle and fights clown in a truck

the truck spills slime and spawns cycle falls so he uses his cape toi make a spike in the groundn and truck blown after ramming it

meanwhile, homie sees the files on a gamercube disk of the plague

he's gonna send the data to the news who will totally not block it to help their acause like with joie's kid on twitter

then sheen comes in, and blows the 90s computer

then clpown comes in and sez spawns comming

later al comes in and sheen has gf in a weird h-ll thing at knifepoint

he sez to join h-lls army or she gets it, then knifes her

sheen sez he's got nothing to fight for but al sez he still has revenge

totally not like hokuto no ken with shin

he beats on sheen who reveals if he gets it, the virus is out and he dont care until sheen sez the kid gets it too

he spares sheen and gf comes back to life and beats on spawn and nails him in the neck with a knife and turns back into clown

he was gonna use this to start the apocalypse but 1st is gonna b0ne the gf

then narrator comes in, drives off clownm and helps spowan heal

then they go to h-ll by the fireplace and it looks like a n64 game

theres a big a55 cgi fight with narrtator, spawn and cgi monster clown

spawn wuins with a blade punch in the nack and dark ruler comes up sasying if spawn wont lead the army he must die

al these other spawns show up and spawn nukes em with his ki

then he gets narrator and both get outta h-ll

spawn sez he has no place there as gf has a family and he is gonna join narrator on the side of good

miko mido brings in spaz and cgi clowjn monster comers through da wall like fredy kreugar and starts esting spawn

but he grows spikes and uses his chains to take off tyhe head

kinda like that chick and cesaR in urotsukidoji 3

clown head turns back and gets sucked back to the fireplace

homie reveals to the media he was tricked to help sheen and is outing him now

then we see the dark ciuty in the rain as spawn stands on a buolding and looks bada55 as nattarir sez the dark rulers plans arte stoped for now

the end

that was pretty cool

really 90s in look and feel and style

good effects that seem nostalgic

good acting and music

good stgory that kinda rips off like 8 other things

i liked it and it holds up

better than titanic which was 5 hours of sh-t!

this is cool and bada55 and has good stuff going

glad i saw it. no wonder people loved this

yeah its not super original and its not deep

but its entertaining and cool

although some people wanted this to be darker and edgiedr and r rated and the actors of this didnt think it was good

but hay, it made like 2x its budget. someone loved it.

Oh asnd they got Dr Claw from Inspector Gadget as the dark ruler

Maybe that's why we never saw him?

for spawn 2 i want the bad guy to summon a big evil army tyhat takes over the earth and he has to fight them off. also he has been givenm angel powers from The Lord for renouncing evil and goes through the continents to clear out the daemons. its also a 16 bit sega genesis, snes, gba, tg16 and atari jaguar beat em up game where you play as spawn or the other guy from the 1st film.

Saturday, January 23, 2021

Mercenary For Justice Review

 Note i sp[ell like this guy acts

mercenary for justicve

this isd my review for Mercenary for Justice from 2006 (The year cr-p happened in the Robotech Comics and Tranbsformers Season 3 did it)

its got steven seagal, and no one else i know of

aparently the production of this was a sh-thouse cuz of seagall f-kkin it up

its directed by Don E. Fauntleroy who did roday you die and urban justice

i never saw ity b4 but hay, its got seagal

so after logos that look likje a bad Playstation game, we get title and weird editong of guys talking of super agents and clips of tyhem

something about hackers getting into some system, i dont know, its badly made

oh they want seagal to do sh-t for em as hes some kinda ubermench

then theres some battle in spoviet south africa

this whole thing looks pretty 00s as the camera work and filming and lighting and colors

1 guy puts omething under a truck and drives it

then its the french ambassators place (is e the bad guy? i mean he IS french!!) and its highly civilized with clean sh-t and no filth

then this blonde comes in and wastes the gaurd easy and lets soldiers in

they capture the ambassator as their policy s-cked and they need him as insurance to get outta there and book it with him

so Soviet south africa is gone to h e double california and mercenariesd gotta choose between beiung b0ned dead inb a french jail, or b0ned dead in africa

reporters chat with the military about what to do and some are let through

also segal is fighting the lusty french with his crew and a reporter comes up to him and they know each otehr

btw i'm watching this on Charge and they blcnk out the swear words and blurr the mouth

in 1 silent film this guy just told dirty jokes fort his scewnes as there was no audio recorded

when the movie came out the deaf fans were horrified as they read his lips

oh my freekin eyes!

segall calls a guy who sez he's not helping him (its the guy from the 1st part)

so the black guy gets blown out and bites it as he's not the main character

reporter tells a soldier he killed an innocenbt man about another guy getting it

the mercenaries who caught he frenchie tells the army guy they got him and he orders his msoldiers to stand down

so segal gets in a chopper with his droogs and theymissile launch at the frtenchies attacking em as they go

then its soviet florida and this black kid is playing PS2 and segall comes to the house as one of his guys lives there

oh its the black guys who bit its son

he comforts the wife and sez he's gonna get the guy full homors and a proper service and look after her

then he takes down 2 guy in a black van and calls this gov guy and sez hes comming for him

then jacks the van and gov guy sees guy from start in photoes doing stuff

the mercenaries get segal at gunpoiint and drive with him

he m,eets reporter who's with the mercenaries and meets start guy who wantys him to dop something babout a greek guys son in soviet africa

they wanna bust him outta jail for the greek arms dealer

greekmo alsofunds the start guy but if he spends 2 much he gets iced

also start guy caught the wife andson and is gonna send em to africa unless stallone goes with em

this seems to have ripped off commando with Arnold

gov guy gets reporter i think to work for him by pressure i think and both them and segal and guys go back to soviet africa

there they breif the moission an say they gon do it during a guard shift change and have a fake aleart tyo draw guards aND get the targett

1 guy wants to use nerve gas but stallone sez it would just waste the tsarget ansd makes a jab at him

gas man asttacks stealgal but segasl takes him down easy

reportewr i think gets info on stallone and gives it to gov guy

gov guy goes to a hotel and tells the poliece chie about the seagal thiong about a bank job planned

wtf does this have to do with seagal?

is this a separate movie they tacked onto this?

after a tour where chick takes photoes with her bracelet camera

later sehgaz and another womasn have dinner in a fancy restaurant and calls stasrt guy for proof of the wife and son being alive

he does this andseagahl goes to the cr-pper and a hot man comes for him

despite having segal at gunpoint, he stands there and segal beats his a55

segal meets a fellow detroit boy and they leave the hitman in the f'd cr-pper

sehagl dances with this woman and the next day, gov guy sez the crooks r in da bank and summons every cop to it

as he goes tyo his car, segail has him at gunpoint andtells him he dont woek for him anymore

then its at tyhe decroded jail and the mercenaries go in da sewer to matrix sounding music

in jail they shred guards who have no bullert holes or blood and they findson is not in his cell;

thewy go to the center of the area andopen fire as  guys fire on em fora few mins

what is this? violence jack?

2 guys gedt out of da jail in some kinda tank like in nadia the secret odf blue water on sega genesis and it survives being hit with bazookas

segal slips away and goes to da bank saying hes a agent anmmd sez theres a threat

his hacker homie disables the phones so bank guy can't confirm the thing but stallone takes charge anduses a key card to get in da vault

chick jACKs in her computer to get aXIS and links hacker in to get the code

they transfer data and segal callsa greeko and sez he has info on his arms dealings


F caps lock

stallonal calls start guy who sez his plan is f'd but he'd spare the fam if segal wires him 100 million American Dollars (or 10 billion yen)

he lets kid talk to segal but is gonna ice em anyway

greekmo gets arrested and da cops show up at da bank and find out abbout jean claude being in there

segal shoots and a55 beats his way out

imagine if he roundhoused a guy and it tore him clean in half?

he beats down gov guy and detroit guy takes em in as tthey goi quietly and in da van he uncuffs stallone

ddetroit boy pix up hacker and beat up cops get up and gov guy is arrested for having 52 million deposited into his account by dolf lungdlern to make him look bad

start guy sez he never touches a gun and sems kinda fruity and strange this whole film

mom and kid are dtriven off to a house and put em in A GUARDED BEDROOM

why not just cap em?

so seagal and crew comer to the lighthouse start guy was b4 and his crew attacks the lighthouse

detroit guy gets hit but its ok and segal finds froma shot up guy that the fam is in a safehouse

they throw a guy off the lighthosue and he smashes intyo a car roof and they go off

segal sneaks around the house and takes guys out stealth

aikido is what a samurai does w/o a sword

not a ninja!

bugsy segal and his crew use silencwers and take guys out

wife fakes needing to dump and when talking with guasrd, stagal comes in and ends him

chick and detroit gets wife and son out and they taken out the last few guys

start guy calls his dead guy and gets no response

he goes out and stalan is there and he points a gun at him

stalin tells himthat he's the only guy who can get things done and bad guy walks off to his car

as he drives the car blows and stavel laughs and they drive off

then a ceremony of the black guy who bit it 2 hours of tv ago

the end

that wasnt so bad

yeah it takes a bit gto ghet going

but its not hateable

its got good action and once you piece the story together its makers enough sense

good lighting and music and its entertsaining

itys not perfect, but for a directal to video action film, its enjoyable

glad i saw it. its a not too bad way to kill 2 hours

for mercenary for justice 2 i want the greek guy to get off as he got his lawyer to f with the jury and now he's after segal for wronging him. so segal and his commandoes bring it to him and battle in his slum country fortress. Also its  1 16 bit run N Gun game like Contra on Sega Genesis, Snes, T16, Atari Jaguar and GBA with up to 4 players, Segal, Detroit guuy, chiuck, and hacker in a mech suit, and you fighhti through the slums to get to his base and fight him in a mech armor the size of a whale

Saturday, January 16, 2021

The Revolt Of The Slaves Review

note; got a new keybard so imma not used to it so my typing is a55

the revolt of the slaves

this ismy review on the revolt of the slaves from the distant future year of 1960

its about the attack and massacre by nat turner in the 1800s

jk its an italiano film set in ancient rome

it stars Rhonda Fleming, 1 of her husdbands, and a buncha europeans i never heard of

its directed by Nunzio Malasomma who did nothing i heard of

i never saw this b4 but saw its on and my dad wants to see it

huh, its based on the book Fabiola from the 1800s which was made as a thing about how the evil england oppressed Catholics

Sounds pretty Mel Gibson

it was made as a counter to chRLES kinglkksys anti catholic book

so it starst with people in rome opr greece or w/e (its the sam erthing) as italianos walk around in SM outfits to credits

wtf, titanus rome?!‪ the zord!?

then this chick rides a bunch iof chariots through town and lols

1 guy gets outta his chains and runs and guys bet on if he gets oaway

he dont and is punished by getting his hand circimsized

1 slave attacks the guards and fighhts with hsi chains

the black guy is gonna circimsize his hand but 1 rich guy buys him for 400 gold as hes a good fighter and useful

lol his name is fabio

like that tommy wiseau looking guy

at rich guuys home he has a phalllic gold thing brought in and chick and her homie maximus are talking about how he s-cked and he ewants her

oh the phalllic thing is a clock and they have a lot of em

he's a sucker for clocks

a clock sucker

so she meets slave and she's having another feast as 2 guys do WWF things

do the camel clutch! break his back! f--k his a55! make him humble!

seb dont like WWf and chick thinks he otta get married

valerian is malcontent seb might repolace him

so chick wants slave to fight but he dont consent

so she gives him the whip

then this big a55 cake is brought in and as they cut it birds come out

the birds probably sh-t it up inside

so as he's being whipped she chats with him and he sez he didnt wanna fight as he has dignity and was enslaved for tax evasion

thats big gov! just like westley snipes!

1 guy gets the rack but its just him testing it out cuz the Christian who was racked didnt confess

so valerio wants to find out if chick is gay for seb and sends a guy in on it

later chick is walking intotally not daytime and A GUY FOLLOWS HERTO A SECRET CHURCH



f caps lock

so she tends to wounds of guys and the follower whos a cripple with a limp is identifiued as a member of nthe states poliece by a high rank roman there

they cut him open and start b-000ning his guts

jk they are gonna ice him but let him goas seb uses an intercoomor w/e to say so

so he sez this place aint savfe and they relocate like in beast machines when their base is found

so spy comes back ands sez valeria dont gotta worry about seb but he's gonna tell more l8r

so spy goes to the emperor (mazin kaiser) who outs the guys he saw in the church thing

ceaezerdont buy it but giovbes him a chance to prove it and if he wins he is made the new cheif of poliece

but he';s not an angry black guy who yells at the main guy for nuokinmg half the city to stop 1 druggie

later the Christians are gonna escape but chick (oh it wasnt her) finds out slave is one and slaps him but runs after hearing her cousin is 1

oh tyhe Christians were captured and chick goes after em it totally not daylight

2 guys take out horsemen with a rope between em and the christians escape

imagine if it was a monowqire and slices em apart like in cyber city oedo 808?

chiurstians fight to dfefend themselves but 1 guy sez to lay doen and take it

spioler; its not murder if its self defence or war

david taking out goliath or samson kawboning philoliustiens was good

so later cousin chats with chick about how she helps em and good/evil and other power rangers stuff

later valeria sees spy aboutouting the Christians and going to torture a chick but these big buff leather wearing guys get a branding iron and axe and shove him in the dog pit to be b0ned dead by dogs

so coousin is gonna be arrested and chick defends her but cousin is gone

spy looks like the jewish and autyistic biog bang theory guys fused

spy chexz da bedroom and shes not there, but another phallllic clock is

he goes and slave comes in saying cousin is safe

later spy meets a guy from da church and later slave brings chick to the catacombs

guys are closing and opening new passages to throw off spys

but wont seing changed things reveal it?

so cousin is there and so is seb and chick dont get their Faith

so they take her to church as the bad guys or soviets oir brits or democrats ort commies or w/e come through the area to get em

the Christians escape and bust a pillar to drop the ceiling on the area a bit

2 guuys stayu behind to draw the bads away but circle back and climb up a thing, then go back after the baddz l;eave

the commies catch some and chick i think is caught after going to help a kid and the path  caved is so she couldnt go on

slave saves her and they is then caught by spy

so later they are kept in a lower ara like in that buffalo bill movie with anthony hopkins and they lower food in on a basket

1 guy was in there for tax evasion and is chained up so he dont ride the basket up[

wont they tell the basket is 200lbs heavier?!

so mchick wants revenge but turns as shes being less malcontent

so rich guy goes to see the czar and kaiser is still gonna trial his kid the chick

ricvh a55 sez the emperor needs his fams money to keep the empire running

is this how atlas shrugged started?

so spy has the rih fam arrested on accusations of being commie i mean racist i mean gay i mean pedo i mean consewrvative i mean on drugs i mean christian

i thiunk they wacked the rich guy too

in jail the wall is leaking as the river is overfloawing and they cut into da stones to let water in to float to the surface

the chained guy is gonna bite is and they try to free him but cant

so they baptize him so he dont go to h e double soviet california

later they are floatinbg in water and push up to lift a stone floore door

even though it would just sink them back down as theres no leverage

they get out and later it openly day and they walk around

so seb and spy are following the Christians and Seb wants em to have a fair trial

they meet a nice geezer who takes em in and chick tends to slaves woundhe got from saving her in the catacombs

sher feels bad for having him whipped

then they start making out

in the real version they were b0ning

later seb and spy come back to da city and see chick or cousin taken as slaves

he fights some guards pretty bada55 and gets taken down with a back hit

spy confronts him and he admits to being a Christian and is told to hand over his blade

he snaps it on a rock as its cheap cr-p and later later the regent grills him over being Christian

weait i think its the head of the guard

he offers freedom if they renounce their faith

but he sez they wont and head guy sez he's to be tortured and shot up with arows

spoiler; if you deny Jesus for man, He will deny uoyou before The Father

aka; getting sent to h e double england

the escaped Crhistians wanna go back to save Seb and chick rides off on a horse

chick goes to see the regent and sez she was wrongly arrested and dont believe in The Godf of the Bible

she is given back her items and is gonna wind up in h e doouble venuzaula

later she uses her riches to pay a chick to get the black guy to take out Seb fast

as he gets shot up he prays in his mind and gets iced after a few shots

wait, he survives as they just missed his heart and the Christians saved him

slave wants to use the catacombs to get to the arena whhere they ice em and save em

Seb wants them to nnot use violence but slave wants to fight on

chick wants slave and the Christians to renounce their Faith but he sez no

she jabbers on ands he gives her the backhand

eat that b--ch!

also Seb escapes and goes to the regents place and begs to not ice the Christians

also theres a Menora in the backgorund

regent thinks he's a ghost and spazzes out and Seb asks nicely to be free

so spy shhanks him

so then the commies of soviet rome are burning down Christian places and icing Christians

spy tortures Christians to get info on where the others are and threy doont give in but bite it

spy is gonna send em to the dogs who didnt eat for 3 days but priest is nice to em and they are nice to him

then the dogs eat spy back to h-ll

so latyer chick asks black guy for help but he nearly b0nes her and the chick she paid to help Seb  comes in and sez she's his woman

black guy is now the captain as spy bit it and underground, the Christians bust through walls in the catacombs

why but bust all the walls and have the scity sink?

later, gladiators fight in the colleseium And the chick she paid comes to chick saying black guy dont wanna marry her or help christians

she goes to the collesuem and the christians are being lead out

chick talks to blackm ghuy and sez she gave him all she hgas he sez regent gave him more

she fight him but is overpowered and locked up

so some Christians are crucified and set on fire (biurning cross?!) and a soldier sez if the christians get past the slaves they go free

then tells the slaves if they ice a christian they go free

meanwhile the main slave  leads his dudes intoi the chamber and they are met with guards

also theres lions in there

they battle and more slaves ice christians in the arena

chick comes in the chamber and her servent gets arrowed

chiuck releases lions in the area the guards reinforcements are coming from

cousin goes out to the area to be free and walks instead of runs and no one shanks her

shed and the Christians pray and black guy does something that i think takes her out

the christians fighting the guards come out and see it and throw down their weapons

then guards come and chick comes out and is with main slave nand he picks up cousins body

the regent is gonna have em j fk'ed but the audience wants em spared as they were moved by it

by popular demand the kaiser spares them

they walk off,and it ends

the end

btw this was pretty widescreen and in color

that was pretty good

sorta like the robe or quo vadis

its well made and has a good 60s style with not much blood or violence and no swearting or nude scenes

a decent tvpg show

good message and heart and its relatable today with big gov oppressing peoiple

and the big companys going after dissenters

glad i saw it. it holds up

It has good flow and don't drag and even though the slaves dont really revolt, its still a cool title that hooks you in

for The Revolt Of The slaves 2 I want the black guy to have wormed his way into being the new emperor and trys to tak out the christians for escaping his blade in the arena. also the christians are rising up and taking on the emperor and using weapons made of holy things from the past. its also a 16 bit hack and slash game like golden axe on sega genesis, snes, tg126, atari jaguar and gba where you play as animal skin wearing warriors that can charge their items with crosses they find and unleash a screen nuke to clear the area with holy power.

Monday, January 11, 2021

Black Dragons Review

 note; my keyboard f'd out so i gotta use an onscreen one and its gay

black dragons

this is my review of black dragins from 1942

it stars bela lugosi, Clayton Moore from the lone ranger, ken harlan from the penalty and Ethelreda Leopold from the 39 oz, bluebeard and the great dictator

i never saw this b4 but got it on a public domain dvd set and a friend suggested i do it

wtf, a copyright notice about distributing films?

btu this is public domain!

so after some 20s style credits, wait, i forggot to dsya who direectld it

its by willliam nigh (bill nye!) who did the ape and the gay cavalier and the strange case of dr rx

so japan alllegedly attacked honolulu and guys in suits talk about how da army is gonna build something somewhere

someguy sez they're making more ships and some are done on lakes

and something about a new base being madw

so after some placing blowing and burning and guys dealing, theres a war coming and tv suit guys are behind bad stuff or something

i'm having trouble following the story

then lusgosi comes over and chats to this dr there

lugiosi sez every one might bite it and has a steely gave

dr dont recall him and lugosi does something to him and he spazzes out and is monotone

he gave him a flu shot!!

so da suits book it and wonder whats up and 1 sees lugiso telling dr what do do

dr sez to readdy a room for lugosi and lugosi is then in a cab w/ a guy

later its the japanese embassy snd a body is found w/ a  japanese dagger

da cops suspect the dr of knowing something and are gonna  use his neice to get to him

niece comes by drs and a cop comes by too and both wanna c dr

cop finds out the iced guy was at drs party last knight and girl tal to dr but he sez hes staying in his rooom

hes probably j-rkin off to jean harlow pix

lugosi meets girl and sez shes hot and chaats w/ cop and denys knowing iced guy

lugosi goes to j-rk off too and the cchick sez hes hot but dont know him

she asks butler if he knows lugosi bbut he dont

cops wants too see dr and snoops around as butler chexx dr

in drs room its lugosi doing something to makke drs  voices say sh-t

cop books it butt returns in a window and snoopd but lugosi catches him

wait, its not cop, its some guy from da party

lugosi b0nes him dead andchick hears but when she comes in its lugosi who sezz he was humming

hum hum humming the keyboard djinn

they tallk aboot destiny (hero bloo d) and shhe goes and lugosi gets the body and puts it somewhree

so the cops find the body and think it was his heart as  lugosi did something to it

then cops find a plastic surgery add but no name mantioned

cops get this guy amos in soviet new york and  these though guuys come to this guys room in a hotel but he's spazzed out

lugisi wastes him and the toughs find him not there

toughs call the dr to see if hes there and butler sez ja

then they find spazzed guy iced w/ a japan dagger and can't call da cops as they r da bad guyz

good guys trust the cops

later we see a shadow like count orlockk in the chicks room and she wakes up and tells butler but then lugiso

theres no 1 there and lugosi thinks shes faking it to b0ne him

toughs come to drs place and butler sez dr cant be seen

1 goes up and sez to dr room that 1 guy is iced and another wants to tell da cops

lugosi in there has dr tel him to meet him in da celler and when they go there 1 tough trys to ice the other

they cap each other and 1 sees lugosi amd bites it

chick comes down and finds the bodys and cop shows up and she tells him

they go in and theres nothing

goood thing this is the 40s or there'd be blood

cuz no one bleeds in the 40s

cop sez the 2 iced were guests at da party and they see lugisi and go to see dr

lugosi takes a hidden door and lugosi in in the drs room and making hhim say covers for it and that he needs rest

he has aids

she tells cop  butler or bela looxx after dr and cop goes

someone drives a car out and later cops see2 bodys with japan daggers

later butlers gone and cops figger out the 5thh guest might be next

its amos and they wanna bring him over

amos gets a letter and readys his gun

its a plastic surgery card w/ penned on words saying their expecting him at midknight

cop jokes about marryin her to beat her up to get her out

like in Pirates of the Caribbean how backdoor bill whipped orlando bloom to save him

so cop sez the bodys she saw was found in the japan place

and lugosi gives em a note said to be from butler saying hes at a sick friemd

cop gooes and so do lugosi and cop and a guy follow lugosi in a car

i think he gets away

later amos is in a meeting and stops it as cop comes in and tells him about the guys being wacked

amos gives cop a note he got and cop wants amos to be bait for the killer

amos consents and they go back to da drs home

a cop goes into drs room and a guy sneeaks into the celler and finds butler

how long was he there?!

cop went across the country!

oh its cop who found butler

and only butler didn't feed dr da hole time

also chick is a private dick and dr was said to vanish on a ship in the asian sea

the realm niece was living abroad and contacted head cop too chck her uncle

then a masked guy comes down the stairs and in the chaos control, lugosi grabs amos and calls him a japan name and iced him

amos caps lugosi with his last life and the masked guy is sed to be dr

cops nab lugosi and dr sez it started in his homeland

in a flashback, japanese namzis meet a nazi and that lugosi is a plastic surgeon who gave facelists to this black dragon clan order to fake being white

how queer as in anime most japanese characters are blonde and blue eyed

they are to replace americans to stop demmocracy somehow

didn't streets of rage 3 do this?

so the ex japanese ice lugosi so no one knows , wait, they just imprision him, and this p-sses him off

hehas a guuy who looks like hhim in his cell and is gonna get out soon

so i guess he face swaps or something with just a few tools he has on him and now came back for revenge

also he gave dr a shot that devolved him

then lugosi bites it and america stops the spy rinng

the end

that wasnt so bad

yeah its a ww2 film set in its place, but its mostly well made

i had a bit of trouble following it but the acting and writing were ine and it had good mystery

good twistts and yeahh it didnt sound too real, but its probably based on reall stuff

for all we know its possibnle

oh and getting suurgery to go undercover was used in Team America World Police

its only a 1 hour photo play and is good b/w and fullscreen

lugosi is kinda both the good and bad guy soorta like a  film noir

looking back, its pretty good

glad i saw it

for black dragons 2 i want it to be about another atttempt by jjappan to get in america, but for it to be too get america to side with em vs the commies also its an 8 bit point and click game on nes, sega master system, atari 7800, tg16 gamme boy, gamme geat annd lynx where you play as an under cover ninja and try to solve your wayy through this building with info on who to get too help you win america over and stop commies tailing you

Sunday, January 3, 2021

John Wick Review

 Note: I review spell bada55

Jlohn Whick

This is my review on John Wick from the distant future year of 2014 (The year the SDF ! and 2 were nuked by a Zentraedi attack in Robotech)

Its directed by Chad Stahelski (ooh, a pole) who did john wick 02 and 03

And stars Keanu Reeves froom Bil and Ted, Bridget Moynahan from blue bloods, Dean Winters from SVU, Ian McShane from Jack the Giant Slayer, John Leguizamo from The Super Mario Bros Movie and Willem Dafoe from the GOOD Spider Man ones

It got a lot of love and a bunch of sequels

I saw this once and liked it

so after opening credits we geta busted up keanu comming outta a  car and watching a cellphone vid of him and a  chick, then him blacking out

then title and an alarm clark goes off and its b4

he goes around this big a55 house alone with photoes of his woman and haas a flashback of her biting it

this is all without words and done well

so back in the now, its her anniversery and he drives his ferrari mustang and we getta flashbavk to her buriall

wimmel dafoe chats with keanu and comforts him, then goes and thiss time the flash back ends

he gets a package and its a dog with a letter from his woman saying this is something for him to love  when she bittes it

keanu crys and its good actimg and he groows on the dog

later, dog wants to sleep on his bed and he puts  it on towels but when he wakes up, the dog  is licking him with its a55 licking tongue

my dad keeps thinking this film is gonna be supernatural with keanu having powers or the dog being hisreincarnated wooman

so keanu goes out in his ferrari mustang and dog comes with him

at da gas sation some soviet guys are thereand smoking and 1  trys to buy his  car but keanu dont consent

keanu speaks soviet back to em and drives off and later drives around n airplane place like a contra level

later keanu has da dog sleep in hs bed annd when he goes down with the dog, the soviets are in his place and beat his a55, slay his dog, and b0ne his car

jk about the last one

so he wakes up later and his dog is back in h e double new york and he burys his dog in the backyard

after cleaning up he has viet nam flash backs and to the lasy night

mewnwhile, the sovviet guys bring in the ferrarri mustang andd eanugoes to their underground stolen property ring to ask for it back

the guy there tells keanu who jacked it and it was the  son of this big boss

the soviets act cocky and tell him they f''d up his dog and after some gunpointing, they leave

keanugets a car from him and big boss calls underground road rage ring guy over him punching son

once its said son kills keanus dog and jacked his car, big boss undersands

latter son sees big boss and boss beats his candy a55 like vegeta wailing on kid trunks

its revealed keanu was a bada55 assassin who was S Class and super perfect who left the league for a woman

meannwhile, keanu takes a sledgehammer to the floor of his  home to dog up his  hitman items

son wants to ice keanu but big boss knows thats not gonna do it annd tells him to go get f'd

big boss calls keanu and aasks to settle things peacefully but keanu hang up

so soviet keanu takes a shower and hes got soviet tattoos like hes yakuza or w/e and gets dressed

a buncha guys come  to his home and he easily wastes em cuz hes a bada55 was schwarzenegger or jean claude

then a cop comes by asking about a noise complaint and sees the body in the hall and leaves

they know ach other and its cordial

then hemakes  a dinner resurfvation for 12and this midget andd 2 orc sized guys come in to clean up te boduys

i think this is the dinner resurvation

meannwhile big boss sends cassiidy from law and order to get keannu

then willim kaiser wilhelm dafo is  isited by big boss to ice keanu for 2  million dolleridoos

so keanu goes to a hotel and hay, randall duk kim from dragonball evilution is in this

btw this filme is super widescree wiith black bars eating a bit of the screen on my rents widescreen tv

so keanu goes too a lower area and into a secret club zone with a band

he chats with jimmy mcshane who tys to get him to call off his crudsade but keanu jusst wants to know where soviet son is

also mcshane sez theres no business done on the area  as its neutral ground

he chats with this chick he knew

at this rave area with a pool by it these guys are partying aand keanu, oh its the soviets who iced his dog

son dont get how  big a deal keanu is

f--king millennials

keanu gets a guard at gnpoint and letss him go and keanu goes i, ices a guard and interrogates//beats a guy whostole his car

then wastes him and  few other guys as he sneaks through the area

att da ppool he takes out more guys and the bikini bimboes flee and trys to get get the son but h gets away

keanu goes agyer him and wastes people in a club like hes a gun ninja

soviet son escapes in a car wearing a towel and we ddont see his foot long uncut man thing and keanu fight and kills more guys in a rave

this is how the matrix shouldve been

so keanu gets out and the green goblin trys to j fk him but the shot is a bit off and he espaces.

then the chick from b4 somes at him and he takes ger down and they fight

he dont slug her like he dows the other guys but she gets full on hits on him

just throws and grapples

he throws her throwugh glass and answeeers the phon for a noise complaint and catches the chick at gun to head

she sez theres a new plot thing to do in a hidden area by a church and he i think either pistol whips her out or snaps her neck

so the its day and he does to da church an caps people like itd the mus lim countrys the news ignores and gets to this jail cell under the area

he  makes priest open the jail cell and gets these chicks out of there and torches the money and computers in the cell

so  this big black guy is in the keanu room with the chick whos tied up and awake now and she gets free and caps him thhrough a pillow on his face

then at the shipping yard keanu gets a machine gun and gunfights these guys

then hes caught and tied to a chair and big boss tells him off over his actions

also he punches kanu and mocks him for trying to leave the assassin life

btw they call hm baba jaga but say its the boogeyman, which isnt quite right

keanu tells off big boss and sez hes gonna ice the son but is head bagged to be iced

then green goblin j fk's the bag guys and keanu fights em off

why idn't they just cap him?

so keanu escapes and caps the car and it crashes and keanu has big boss at machinegunpoint

dad tells him where son is and that they know keanus comming

keanu lets him livee and walks off and at the base thesoviets are at, son plays xbox and theres all these armed guards

wait, its just another soviet playing xbox

and keanu j fk's the gamer

thats for trusting microsoft!

so keasnutakes out more guys, blows their carswwacks more guys

ooh, he got the son in the gut

then a headshot

this i what animal rights guys are into; murdering humans for a freakin animal

like peta spreading lies about framers seducing children cuz they raised animals to be made into meat or fur

so keanu chex outta da  hotel and gets a car and meets green goblin and the chick is nearby

keanu sez hes retirerd and goes off

then green goblin goes with some guys to a place and takes off his watch and stuff and big boss tells keanu hes disgruntled over his kid getting it

then we see big boss torturing green goblin for not icing keanu

he gets up and takes out a few guys but chick caps himand big boss finishes him with extra shots

keanu goe to the place goblin got iced and chick sees and gets a call

keanu sees the shot up body of the guy from platoon and chick goes somewhere and jimmy mcshane sez her emmbership from the club is over and she gets gang shot

jimmy mcshane tells keanu theres a chopper being fueled by the big boss and kenu goes there in hs big black card

theres a car wrestling batlle as keanu takes out cars and kanu bumps their van to slam sideways into the piller

they a gunfight as keanu is in a car and driving around

its pretty bada55

its like mongols on horseback as archers

or fire emblem

keanu takes oout cassidy with bullets and car and big boss drives hisvan into kanus carso ram it off a cliff

keanu umps out and keanu faces off against big boss in the rain like a samurai  movie

they otta bullets so its a fist fight and kanu kix his a55

then soviet big boss pulls a switchblade and they fight

keanu tanks a knife wound, snaps his arm, takes the knife, and shanks him to h e double ussr

keanu walks off in the rain and we're back where it started

so he gets up and breaks into a vet place and treats his wounds

those are pet supplys. he's goonna devolve into a furry

so he steals a dog and goes home

the end

that was pretty good

good action, good style, good acting, good msuic, good story

it dont try to be meaningful in a spiritual or exestensil way

its jjust good bada55 action

i liked it

its like a stallone film or something

maybe jean claude

this isn't ur cool 90s aunts keanu from bill and ted

its bada55 21st century keanu

plus theres not much dialogue and it could be converted into a silent film

kinda like batman returns

its pretty bada55 and i liked it

we need more sh-t like this and not wiener kids crying in the wind like stuff kids get today

for john wick 2 i want the dog he got to be unbalanced and keeps spazzing out and trying to kill people. eventually is shreds a kid and keanu realizes that he was in the wrong to pu animals above people. also animal rights guys are working on a way to fuse human and animals to make them equal but they devoolve into grotesque abominations. soon they are taking over the city and mcshane's character coms in wanted keanu to take em out as they ate his kids. so keanu has to go around capping these abominations and taking on animal supremacists who wanna turn him into one of them. is also a 16 bit run and gun game like contra on Sega Genesis, Snes, Atari Jaguar, TG16 and GBA where you go around capping these monstrosities.