Monday, July 30, 2018

The Zodiac Killer Review

note; my spelling is as accrate as diss movie
The Zodiac Killer
this is my reciew of The Zodiac Killer (1971 ver)
I saw it on tcm underground and thought it was cool
so imma review it
it starts with text saying its conceived in 1970 to educate people on the killer
and the writer sez it all happened and he was threatened by the killer\
then someone in a car gets capped
killer narrates about his cr-p and takes out some chick on da street
then walks off saying many of us have been near a killer
da camera shows blood in the pavement seams in a cross shape
then a circle forms on it and the title is seen
a white flat front truck (ultra magnus?) delivers some cr-p and driver sez he b0ned some chick
and his wife don't want him to see his kid
dat kid is 50% his dna too
driver goes home and mailman gives him bills
as mailman goes, this hag b--ches at him for doing his job
mailman tells dat hag off and she spreads the mail on da floor and z she'd say he did it
what a b--ch
hope the killer gets her
driver goes inside and his wife wants his money
he tells her off and she leaves
then a guy talks to a geezer who sez women are only good til they turn 20
I guess he likes teens
after that they turn b--chy
also they wanna share chix
and geezer likes em plump and juicy
aka; fat chix
he also likes em dumb
guy goes to check on his animals
oh its rabbits
1 bit it
he whines about how bad people live while good animals bite it
hes really busted up over it
he berrys it by a huge cross
later I think driver gets ready for a party
later hes picks up his daughter in his 60s vw van
they go to a Christmas party
rabbit guy is there and chats with him
then a cop comes in, gets vending machine cr-p, and goes
driver jokes rabbit guy is queer cuz hes not b0ning lotsa chix
he gets triggered and driver sez sorry
driver shows him some 5kanks who come onto him
1 5kank knocks off drivers wig and he gets p-ssed and leaves swearing revenge
man he reminds me a bit of archie bunker in voice and acts
meanwhile, this opposite family couple is making out in a car and gets capped
reminds me a bit of the town that dreaded sundown
later da cops investigate
btw this is full screen and not black bars widescreen
drivers wife calls bugging him for toys for their kid for xmas
btw I think it wasn't driver who picked up his daughter
it was the opposite family couple that got capped
later a reporter wants to reopen da case of the couple that just got iced
and a cop sez a geezer got iced last week
theres a line up for da accused geezer icer
its probably not any of em
later driver has food at a diner and waitress offers rabbit stew
but rabbit guy gets triggered
and rabbit guy eats salad
is he a vegan?
hes probably the killer then
they love animals but hate humans
hitler also was like that
waitress used to date driver but is b--chy cuz he said something that triggered her
later waitress and a guy are gonna drive home
and the guy shes with got a pregnant gf
but he don't know if its his cuz his gf's a 5kank
man, san fran sisco is full of 5kanks and man 5kanks
everyones b0ning everyone
and in 2018 California lessened the charges for deliberately giving someone the aids
now its a misdemeanor and not a felony
this is why we should stay virgins
you never know who's b0ned who
or who those they b0ned have b0ned
oh and the killer caps both of em
kinda cheap blood effects
but charming
and da cops b--ch about how theres no evidence after it
they suspect the driver
he comes in and his a55 faces da camera and we can see both cheeks well in his pants
oh and he got drunk and p-ssed in people drinks saying "the fountain of youth lives!"
this is why I don't drink
they grill him and he has explanations for their accusations
they let him go as they don't got enough to hold him
oh and he has a conceal and carry permit
I surprised soviet California would allow that
da paper gets a note rom da killer admitting he did it and with facts only da cops knew
also he sent a coded letter and 2 others to 2 other papers
he wants em printed on da paper
later driver goes to see wife and ants to see his kid
but he don't want him to as she thinks hes on drugs
she calls da cops and he gets a saw
he gets his kid but da cops arrive
so he uses da kid as a shield
he sees da paper sez zodiac and clams to be him
then theres a gunfight as he runs and he gets capped and falls in da pool
look what that b--ch did
if only she let him see his kid
now she got him killed
she drove him to it
now they have less cash and the kid cant see him
what a horrid alleged human being
cops think hes the killer but the real killer calls in a whisper raspy voice
he sez the coded letter sez ho he is
also hes p-ssed the cops gave driver credit for being him
then we see who it is and I don't recognize him
then he has a weird ritual or something about those he ices being his slaves in the next life
and in a former life he chose them
but then he hears voices saying "how do u know its us?"
then some cr-p about atlantis rising and new pyramids
that's pretty mental
bit I say crazy cr-p too
some day, man will walk on the moon of Africa
but I do it as jokes
later killer and some couple are camping
oh f the killer looks like Shia LaBeouf
he's pretty f'd too
all the chronic he did as a kid f'd him up
they go through his bag when hes out and find a wig and plastic nose
I think hes da mail man
later these moms are bad acting b--ching about their husbands
then 1 of their kids climbs a tree
mom freaks out but killer gets him down
but he got up himself
why worry about him getting down?
its like I went in a room but need help getting out
then kid sez he don't like killer and runs off
later by this lake or w/e he puts on a mask and a suit with his circle cross logo
he goes to a couple about to b0ne and pulls a gun on em
he sez hes an escaped convict and needs cash and a car
he ties them up and pulls a switchblade
then shanks em
they use a knife with paint on it that retracts as it stabs to look sorta real
oh and he sez; im go to have to stab u people. right b4 doing it
as he leaves the chick moves a little even though shes supposed to be iced
then he writes a message nd his logo on their car in her lipstick
what if her car was red?\
then he calls da cops on it
oh and hes waring his killer logo on his shirt
its like clark kent wearing a superman shirt
he leaves and the cops call back the payphone he used
later the mail man goes by this blonde bikini girls place and she has him b0ne her
later he chats with his rabbits about future plans
then we ct to him snipering a tire out of this geezer chick's car
he comes to help her an opens the trunk
she sez she has esp
he fixs her tire and asks her to read his mind
then kills her with a tire to da head and drops the car off its jack on her
later he gets a ride from a cab driver who jokes to his homies about it being "some out of town f=ggit getting lonely"
after they reach their destination, he caps driver
maybe getting b0ned isn't so bad comparted to a headshot
and I think killer gives the cops fake info
later he sends a message to da radio mocking da cops for missing him
a bartender sez he could catch the killer as bartenders know how people tick
then killer buys everyone a round and leaves
but eft his logo drawn in the salt he shook on da table
its wiped up instantly
da cops turn to a psychic
he tells em killer was a gov worker
but got fired
now hes a car painter
and tried to be a P I
and was in a motorcycle accident
and has a rabbits foot
and bought health food near there last week
and starts seeing visions of the car geezer
and sez he has many cars
and psychic sees or hears water
later killer in a fake nose and wig, rushes a guy, shanks him, and cuts off his ear
later he gives a girl a lift in his car
but she runs out in a wasteland
he chases and ices her
later he stops by another geezer who's car broke down
he gets her to go under da hood
then slams it on her
them stomps on it with jumps
then rolls her down the road
later killer chats with a guy about his dad
his dads a mental patient
he visits dad at da nut house and da dads locked behind bars
he tells dad he was replaced by a machine

we would use less machines if we didn't have unions bleeding the company
dad bangs a metal thing and killer goes nuts
da dads too mental to talk to him
killer leaves and cuts this broken limbed patients wires holding his limbs
then rolls da geezer he talked to b4 down one of san fran sickos kills in his roller bed
its like that level in sonic adventure 2
but the guy bites it
if only he had 100 rings for an extra guy
killer walks and narrates
now we know hes real
but we cant do anything
we think he should be locked up
but theres more like him a he likes it
and don't care we think hes crazy
websters dictionary sez crazy means senseless
but hes got sense
and now the crooks have too many rights that can make the cops lose their evidence
and he knows we wont be careful away
it ends with him saying hes gonna be seeing us
then text sez; this not the end, as he laughs
then credits to jazzy music
the end
that was pretty good
it has a low budget charm
1 reason they made this was to catch the real killer
at the theatre it had a contest where you write why u think he ices people
they'd test the handwriting to see if the real guy was there
good plan
but the movie was entertaining
kinda over the top
but it has good twists
like not showing the killers face until a while in
and the red herring of the driver
I liked this
good early 70s film with little swearing and no nude scenes
much talk of and of screen b0ning though
but it IS caliefonya
living there is like being in a live action p0rn0
for The Zodiac Killer 2 I want it to be the 80s and someone decoded his message. they print it in the papers all over California. but its really a spell that turns people who read it into sub human monsters who are enslaved by the killer. so its up to the illiterate to save the day by beating then chopping them up. also its a hack and slash game on sega genesis and super Nintendo with up to 4 players who are various hobo's with hobo made weapons out of trash and bones.

Friday, July 27, 2018

The Ghost And The Darkness Review

note; my spelling is inspired by actual worfds
the ghost and the darkness
diss iz ma revew of da ghost and da darkbess from da 90s
its got Michael douglas and val kilmer
its based on actual events back when we had civil war suirvivors
the title sounds like a Yugioh card
so it starts in soviet London in 1898
narrator sez its da best African adventure
yeah but this was filmed before primeval happened in the 00s
narrator sez he was there and so was his homie who was there
so this moustache guy with a whip sez his only joy is tormenting his employees
once in grade school, our gym teacher got married, and a kid asked if he's into S before M
I think this guy is into S before M
so he wants to build a railroad to help modernize Africa
he germans and French are competing with soviet England
val is confident he can do it and his wife is pooping out a kid in 6 months
so the brits are the bad guys right?
maybe if this starred mel Gibson
val always wanted to see Africa
reminds me of Orlando jones in primeval
he wound up screaming "I hate f--king Africa!!" and got eaten by a gater
later val goes to Africa and meets s guide
I like how as this is a 90s film, they don't force cg too much
real matter on film
real trains
so they train ride like in Digimon season 4 and val knows everything about those crazy monsters he sees
wait til he sees a Mokele-mbembe
so val and guide arrive riding the front of the train and meet the narrator guy
they need val to build a bridge
hope its better than the river kwai one
also all the various races and faiths of workers hate eachother
also on the other side of the river ditch the workers are laying track futher away
also theres a dr who thinks the railroad is just to help the rich In the ivory trade
yeah cuz food and medicine and travel are only side effects
later val and guide go hunting at night and theres a lion val snipers
as its the 1800s, people cheer for it
nowadays animal supremacists would go on gee haaad on him
well in the white countries anyway
in most of the world that's seen as good
also 1 guy (I think narrator but im not sure as hes dressed different and im watching this in 240p) iced a lion with his bare hands
k its not narrator
it had a close up
also he senses something in the wind blowing
7 weeks later the bridge is being made
as they made that much in 7 weeks I think its non union
It took God 6 days to create all of existence.
After He was done, He rested.
Nowadays we got unions that slow everything down and take endless breaks before the job is done.
Not to mention holding the company hostage with strikes until they surrender to the union demands or have to either move out or shut down.
later narrator gives val the claws or teeth or w/e as a friendship bracelet
he writes a letter to his wife saying how things are going
and that he converted some natives
nowadays that would be shown as bad
then a lion takes a guy into the wild and wacks him
next day  finds whats left of him and caps birds eating it
ion licked off his skin, drank his blood, and ate him feet 1st
but lions don't eat that way
oh it was the bare hands guy who was eaten
this lion sounds bad a55
maybe a daemon lion
at night val tries to j f k the lion from a tree
but didn't get him
but lion got a guy
and the workers are freaked out
narrator suggests fences and fires and val is gonna send it back to h-ll
what would help is more guns
enough firepower and u don't need to aim
just ask leena from ziods
oh a guide is the one converting people
and he wants to save the souls of val and narrator
vals mom is catholic and dads prodestent
and narrator has 4 wives
they laugh about going to h-ll
laugh now but when queen elizabeth 01 and carl marx are b0ning u, you'll see its not so funny
later val reads his wifes letter and the lion attacks in daylight and eats people
guide gets a gun as val runs over
but val gets there and its a tense moment of where is the monster
its like alien or predator
they find it eating a guy
holy cr-p dat things huge!
its like a dinosaur!
val nearly picks it off
but a 2nd lion is on the roof and stops him!
btw lake placid 01 ripped this twist off
they get away
and in the chaos the guide got it
val quotes the bible over the guide
narrator sez the workers called the lions the ghost and the darkness
which one is which?
also lions don't hunt humans as duos or in daylight
the people think the lions are either
reincarnated medicine men
devil trying to stop white man from owning the world
narrator sez they were evil
and the place they work in translates to; place of slaughter
later da workers don't wanna continue
val gives a speech to get em to stay or go
S b4 M comes by and sez val cant have soldiers
val fills in s b4 m that the lions iced 30 men
s b4 m don't care a he only wants to be made a knight by the English regent
so its just like in the river kwai bridge
the higher rank brits don't care for the civilians under them
good thing in around 16 years zee Kaiser takes em on
val made a trap for the ions
he had a spare cage trap from trying to get a tiger in soviet india
but it didn't work there
s b4 m wanted remmington (steele??) to take out da lionz but val thinks he can ice em b4 rem gets there
s b4 m sez if val don't win, he  gon try to ruin vals rep
wat an a555555 hooooooole
val gets some guys with guns to go in the trap to lure da lions in but they are behind iron bars
1 lion gets in but they keep firing at da bars
also its strength is busting the joints of the cage
and they knock over a lamp
these guys s-ck!
when it roars the men have some kinda episode
maybe it is a daemon
it somehow gets out the back that fell apart and its totally unharmed
val busts the mens butts over them screwing up
the workers revolt
but Michael douglass as a buffalo bill looking homie pulls a gun on the guy leading the uprising and calms things
also hes got a band of africans
he knows narrator
douglass is streetwise and figures things out quick
k I looked it up and douglass plays remmington
and this film is from 96
and directed by the guy who did
lost in space (1998 ver)
predator 02
and a nightmare on elm street 5 the dream child (which I have on vhs)
so rem wants val to look good so workers don't lose respect 4 him
narrator sez rems backstory of his fam getting iced in da civil war and he ditched America
sounds like he was confederate and had to leave or union commies would take him out
so now he hunts all over da world
and thinks Africa is the last good place
and narrator fears lions
then rem has some weird ritual which I assume is him Africanizing himself with magic
the next day they go out after the lions
val finds 1 and fires
but his gun f's out
he freezes as rem yells to cap him
then rem fires on it
turns out, val swapped gun with dr
oh and lion got away
maybe its got some kind of spiritual power
like a ki thing
but rem denies it
they get the sick out of the area and clean up da place
then soak the hospital in blood
and litter it with animals
then seal the exits
rem tells val he tried the trap thing b4
but it didn't work
but was still a good idea
so theyre locked in and da lions are out
I realized if they had a Gatling gun or put out poison meat it might do something
or get a priest to rebuke the lion monsters
but this is America so they use guns
so the lion gets the wounded in the hospital
but are gone when the good guys get there
later the workers have booked it
narrator gives val his lion friendship necklace
val and rem go after the liones
good music as they prepare to enter da cave
in it they find many human bones
rem sez lions don't do this
da next day they get a baboon as lions hate their sounds
val gets on an 80s playground equipment thing to j f k da lions
rem sez the lions r after val
and its Christmas
then at night da baboon freaks out
a bird knocks val off his wood thing and lion attacks
I think
its weirdly edited
a gun went off
later it jumps but gets capped
later rem talks about if they can remember this adventure
val wants to see his son born
then his wife and kid come to see him
but the lion gets em
turns out its a dream
reminds me of naked gun 33 1/3rd with frank drebins dream
he gets his gun and goes out
I think rem got it
btw in the real story rem wasn't in it and val iced the lions himself
they torch the area
narrator and val
then its night and val shoots in the airas the grass burns
as he walks da bridge, da lion comes up and he falls back to escape and drops his gun
how long was it there?
was it waiting 4 him?
he gets his handgun and fires
what is this? metal slug?
so he runs and it chases him up a tree
narrator throws a rifle but it misses
val jumps out of a tree, gets da gun and fires
it keeps coming so val shoots again
game over
user wins
also he looks kinda like the guy from die hard 1 wit that wife beater and pants and straps
later a new guy comes in wishing he was there 4 da hunt
val sez; no u don't
and da workers returned
and his wife and kid are here
why didn't the lions rt their ki attacks to freeze the hunters?
maybe they had to be at full life to do it and the hit they took stopped it
narrator sez he finished da bridge
and the lions are in Chicago at a museum
holy cr-p I think I was there b4!
the one with the huge dinosaur skeleton in the room right?
narrator sez if u lock yes with em, u will be afraid
the end
that was pretty good
not epic or super awesome
but it had good parts and told a good story
yeah it changed things, but I think it still worked'
nowadays they cant have animals as the bad guys
well, not mammals anyway
sharks and bugs are ok to ice
but a dog? worse than a human child
for the ghost and the darkness 2 I want it to be revealed the French were the ones who sent the lions by using black magic to create them out of shaman souls. also they are trying to start a war between England and germany so they can rise up and take over in the aftermath. but this german teen who worked on the railroad has found plans for them to take out franz Ferdinand of Austria to start da war. and he's gotta fight his way through africa to get to german African turf to get it to zee Kaiser. also its a 1 player action game like Zelda where you play as this blonde teen and fight frenchies and brits and Africa monsters to save germany. but the French have made  2 new animals, a rhino and an elephant, and you gotta take em down by getting pieces of a magic samurai sword that can cut through anything hidden in Africa.

Wednesday, July 18, 2018

Digimon The Movie Review

note; I spell 90s style... homie
Digimon the movie
this is my review on Digimon the movie
I loved Digimon as a kid
fox kids was my childhood
I saw this in theatres for my brothers birthday
as a kid I liked both pokemon and digoimon
but when both were on at the same time I watched pokemon while my bros watched Digimon on the basement tv
I even taped fox kids commercials for that weeks Saturday am episode
I got the pattern down where a set break on a set show would start the Digimon add
now original pokemon was awesome
but as the shows went on, Digimon stayed good longer
the art and animation in pokemon ultra sun and moon s-cked!
it looks like the cr-ppy thundercats roar style!
not that Digimon was perfect
season 3 was kinda emo and bummer
plus the characters wernt as likable
takato was like a worse Yuma from Yugioh zexal
henry was a wiener
and rika was a b--ch
its like almost evangelion bad
I liked season 4 though
at least there the kids did something besides cheerleading the monsters
so the movie starts with an angela anaconda thing of those kids going to see the Digimon movie
I haven't seen this show in years
btw I never noticed that angela anaconda sounds like a hermaphrodite p0rn0 actor name
I like how the bad guy is French
just like in real life
so this thing has nothing to do with the story and its just kids style ids being kids
modern people hate it but they refuse to admit they were just like that back then
so after imaginary fights, they realize they went to the wrong theatre and spill out as they don't wanna watch French cr-p
then the movie actually starts with the digirap
its cheesy but fitting
then kari narrates how theres a kid named willis (Obrien? ) who had 2 Digimon and no friends
8 years ago, in 1994ish when they were kids a digiegg came out of their computer
the next day it hatches and goes nuts
then they hum the Digimon theme
oh and kari communicates in whistle blasts as a kid
just like in star wars with the garbage can robot
sora calls to say mimi told her tai barfed in her hat
but the phone cuts out as the Digimon digivolved and it f's with the electronics
they feed it cat food and it fights the cat
like a dog fight but not intentional
later it smooches both kari and tai as thanks
also it keeps cr-pping
at night it digivolves again andits pretty big
then jumps out with kari on its back and f'd up the town
tai goes after them but the sky opens up and parrotmon comes out
the hero kids of season 1 see the monsters outside which decides their destiny to save the digital world
their Digimon picks a fight with parotmon and digivolves to fight it
but gets beat
so tai uses kari's whistle to revive it somehow
and at full blast right next to kari's ear
their Digimon takes out parrotmon in 1 shot and both vanish
and willis met his Digimon that same night
holy cr-p we're 20 mins in
that felt like nothing
then its 1999ish and after season 1
izzy notices a virus is f ing the net
meanwhile, tai is dating sora and has issues
he sends her an email but accidentally sez "love" instead of "from"
kari is going to her homie's birthday and got her a pink power ranger
which would be the light speed rescue pink if i'm counting the years  right
kari sent it
but the email doesnt make it
after a montage saying where the rest of the season 1 cast is set to the song "its been one week since you" ect
izzy goes to tai's place saying a digiegg infected with a viris is gonna f things up
and willis in Colorado told him of it
then the egg digivolves and eats date which f's up supermarket computers
izzy drinks one of tai's moms shakes and him and tai use tais dads computer
he virus digivolved again and tai's Digimon contacts him
as do the rest of the season 1 Digimon
I gotta say the music in here is great
haim saban and shuki levy did great work together
made the 90s amazing
tai cals the other digidestined but they're all out
and izzy eats more of tais moms cr-p
tai gets sora but she don't wanna talk to him
wtf the cats name is miko
like miko mido from la blue girl
izzy and tai's Digimon get on da net and attack the viris
but it don't work so they Digivolve
and kids all over da world see the fight
but the virus digivolves and is too much for em
he skipped the champion level and went to ultimate
so the good guys digivolve but get beat down
and virus escapes
willis and others email izzy and viruis gets to the phone company to cut the phone connection
1st; how'd he know what phone company provides tai's web?
2nd; remember in da 90s how da net was on phone lines?
so tai calls anyway but it don't work
also the virus calls him
totally not like a horror movie
and he calls every phone in the world trying to find someone
and tais net goes out
the phone company set up a system to call to send messages then call again to get messages
like voice email
he calls matt and tk and everyone else
sora comes over but goes home at the last minute b4 knocking
and mimi is in Hawaii
its like how after high school u kinda fall away from ur high school homies
except like 2
izzy gets a satellite uplink to use a military satellite to get internet
and matt replies saying him and tk are able to connect
but they need a computer to get internet
but their possibly 1800s born grandma (as its japan in da 90s) don't have 1
so they go to a barber place as its the only computer in town
oh and viris is in America now
after a montage of him showing up on screens (which makes no sense as you cant see out of screens w/o a webcam) to 90s music, hes in new York
and heading for willis
they upload tk's and matts Digimon to the net and the 4 Digimon go to fight the viris
matts and tais warp digivolve to their mega forms
but the virus goes to its mega level too
and takes out tk and izzys Digimon
now we wont see Herculeskabuterimon til the 2010s movies
also tais digimon's arm blades get busted off despite being made of chromedigizoid
oh and izzu gets the runs from eating tai's moms cr-ppy food
then tai and matts Digimon slow and tai hits the computer and it freezes
izzy comes back and its revealed sora hates tai cuz he got her a hairpin for her b day but she thought he didn't like her hair as is and gets mental
this movie totally gets women
taking things the wrong way and going mental over it
when the computer reboots the fights over and they lost
izy reads emails from kids b--ching about the hero Digimon getting beat
even though they should have no idea about the levels they mention or anything else about them
then the viris starts multiplying
and theres a 10 min timer until 2 nukes the virus launched hit
2 nukes were launched at the same time from america
1 headed for japan
1 for Colorado
but will hit at the same time???
and in 10 mins??
that don't add up
and the virus is blocking counters to the nukes
but if they beat the original viris Digimon it will stop the rest
and the hero Digimon wanna fight
but emails sent to them slow them down
how do you send an email to a monster on the web?
don't you need an address to send it to?
also matts Digimon runs across the air like kilala in Inuyasha
while tais just flies
they get to the boss room and theres over a million of the viris clones
they all open fire (yet never hit eachother) and more emails slow em more
for some reason, the virus stops firing and tai and matt's bond with their Digimon lets em go digital enter the internet
good music to them reuniting
really moving
they use the power of the emails to power up and dna digivolve (fusion) together into omnimon
I should point out this aired in America b4 the season 2 eps with dna digivolving
so this was a big deal
omnimon wipes out the swarm of virus clones
I like how metalgarurumon's arm is a cannon and wargreymons arm is a blade
as that's the weapons they use
theres one virus left and 1 minute to go
but hes too fast
so izzy forwards the emails to virus to slow him
yeah, that makes sense
omnimon splits his head with his wargreymon sword and stops the clock with 0.01 seconds left
the nukes fall harmlessly with no international incident
meanwhile, willis in America is ok with his Digimon
and something happens
oh and sora got hs email
then its the then present of 2002
and the season 2 cast is here
tk and kari are in soviet new York and willis and his evil Digimon are there
his evil Digimon wants him to go back and fights his good one
they fight to bada55 music
kari and tk arrive and the evil Digimon books it
then willis goes
tks digimon follows him and hears hes going to Colorado
kari sends the season 2 guys to go to America
willis walks along the road alone as this was the 90s and sez evil dgimon makes those near him vanish
then the evil Digimon attacks tk and kari on a train
but then books it
season 2 cast uses yoleis uncles connections to get to America cheap
they then hitch hike abord a truck
and in there is willis
and willis flirts with yolei and likes kari
willis orders a pizza and uses it to hitch a ride with the delivery man
but the car leaves w/o davis and willis
then the evil Digimon arrives
davis armor digivolves his Digimon and they fight
oh and the evil Digimon uses the viris digimons attack
something season 3 later did with leomons attack
Willis's good Digimon digivolves and beats on the evil Digimon,who then books it
davis armor digivolves his digomin into its other form (which had debuted on fox kids around right before this movie came out) and get to the other season 2 guys
willis reveals he made the evil Digimon and it might've got rid of tk and kari
then walks for hours with davis behind him
then tells davis his digiegg hatched into 2 Digimon and was his 1st friend
so he made a new digiegg as a new one
but a virus infected it and caused the 2nd act of this film
then the virus followed him and got one of his Digimon and slowly turned it
btw I don't thing a digiegg can make 2 Digimon
oh and pokemon ripped off them coming from eggs
davis crys at how sad the story is
then instantly recovers
they become friends
later the evil Digimon attacks again
then digivolves
the good Digimon armor digivolve and I think that's cody and yoleis digimons only lines so far
then they fight to awesome music
but hes ultimate and armor is champion-ish
evil Digimon books it but comes right back at mega level and de-digivolves them
then juggles em
the rookie levels heroes fight but cant handle a mega w/o power option cards
wtf davis and Willis's Digimon knock him back
but then get nearly eaten alive
then kari and tks Digimon arrive and bust him up
but he reforms from the virus healing him
then everyone starts deaging
by going back he meant go back before the virus got him
tk and kari's Digimon digivolve to their mega forms to release the golden digieggs
btw why does tk's Digimon warpdigivolve from champion to mega while the other times going there lie leomon and the virus one in this films 2md act, only count as regular digivolve?
tk and kari's Digimon get beat but davis and willis golden armor digivolve and bust up the bad guy
but he recovers
so they go inside him and the inner self of the bad guy tells them to attack him
to destroy the virus
they do it and hes purified
then he bites it as the viris cant heal him
we get a sad moment but Digimon can reincarnate themselves as digieggs
back in newyork willis sez bye and smooches kari and yolei w/o consent then runs off
then finds a digiegg of his Digimon that bit it
then it shows it grown again dancing to all star by
smash mouth from shrek
then credits to 90s music
a lot of Robotech actors in this
the end
that was great
but imma Digimon fan so this film was made for me
its good late 90s fun and has great music and fun
its kind of like if pokemon is Mario, Digimon is sonic
better music often and more edge
not as toned down
characters bite it in Digimon often
well, kinda
in pokemon maybe in movies or pokenon hunter j
but in Digimon they ice the bad guys
in pokemon they beat of their pets and the bad guys run away
pokemon had better games though
but if you grew up with Digimon, this movie is for you
if not, you wont get it
also in the 90s, the uninformed thought pokemon and Digimon were the same thing as both are Japanese kids and monster shows
thats like saying pearl harbor and gone with the wind are the same movie as both are about American wars
or Ivanhoe and the three musketeers are the same as both are historical things from Europe
for Digimon the movie 2 I want the creator of the virus that infected the Digimon to be revealed to be some malcontent who knew of the digital world and cuz she didn't get a Digimon, tried to wipe it out. also she made new Digimon based on virus's she made based on historical figures from the 1800s but they are evil and not friends and she attacks. and its up to the season 2 cast set after the end of season 2 to take her on. also she dresses in a weird SM pleather outfit and has a whip that controls her virus slaves. and its a Gameboy advance game where you play as one of the main season 1 or 2 cast Digimon and fight through her enslaved Digimon and ice em to free em.

Sunday, July 15, 2018

Igby Goes Down Review

note; I look like this kids more famous bro in da 90s, but I spell like a55
igby goes down
this is my review on igby goes down
I saw some of it long ago but don't recall much
the director went on to do a few zack effron movies
its got Kieran culkin the kid brother of the home alone kid
Malcom from Jurassic park
bill Pullman from spaceballs
and that malcontent susan Sarandon from the adam sandler comedy that's my boy
huh, this was inspired by the catcher in the rye
I actually read that because ghost in the shell stand alone complex referenced it a lot
it was kinda emo
the main guy is a malcontent loser who whines too much
it was never made as a movie so I cant review it
so heres my idea of how it would be done now
coming soon; catcher in the rye, the movie!
starring jaden smith as holden caulfield.
and megan fox, as his girlfriend added to the film so hes not just talking to himself for 3 hours.
its set in modern times and has a rap soundtrack by jaden
admit it. you know that's what they'd do
except he';d probably have a queer friend too
so i'm watching this on fox 29 so its censored
it starts with some hag snoring
her kids are wanting her to bite it
I think they drugged her
so they then put a bag over her head
at grocery stores in da 90s, I got vegetable bags over the top of my head and inflated it with my nose sot would stand up
then flashback to them as kids with dad who isn't ready to go back to work
later they have dinner and mom(young hag ) dumps on him over his stink
so he goes but comes back nude
we don't see his man thing
later its the present kinda and teen igby (culkin) is causing cr-p at school and hag keeps smacking him
he goes to military school and smokes something
but then its lights out and he scrambles to get to bed
then hes caught by hazers and they cover him in a blanket and hit him with brooms
later hag is dating Malcom from jp 1 2 and 5 and he sez military school is good
and its revealed their dad is a schizo
huh, his bro was mr reese witherspoon and in I know what u did last summer 1
later igby swipes his moms credit card and types a letter saying he can use it
then runs off to a hotel but the milirtary school guy finds him
then hes in therapy talking about a cadet who jumped and splattered
he p-ssed the therapist off enout to smack him around
later hag is getting advice from a male nurse and wants her to cut down on pills
then igby goes to live with maclom as I think he got kicked out of military school
later hag wants igby to spend da summer with his bro
later at malcoms place. igby talks to a guy who I think is on drugs
Malcom comes in with a chick who I think hes b0ning
later hes at a party and chats with this other chick at the beach
oh malom is his godfather
at the part bro talks cr-p about igby but otherchick comes in and helps him out
and Malcom from jp is married to some bimbo but she don't know hes got a gf
and at the party his homies don't care
later igby is being sent to a plane but he tricks the driver and runs off to the malcoms gf place
oh and the wife was in the box, hulk and k pax
so gf don't want him there but bill iwrin (mr noodle from elmos world(not the one whos actor was on drugs and hand aids)) gets her to let him stay
hes a performance artist
and I think gf is b0ning him
and then she b0nes igby
igby needs cash so he goes bumming
then other chick comes by and recognizes him
they go to the park to smoke chronic
igby criticizes her preparing it and figures out shes vegetarian by how she makes chronic cigs
they chat and walk away w/o smoking chronic
they have icecream and chat about life
he keeps making excuses and smarta55 responces
he takes her to gfs place andwhen he goes in w/o her, Malcom is there w/o pants(but hes wearing undies so we don't see his man thing)\
he givs igby cash and leaves
gf gets p-sse for some reason and beats on igby
what a b--ch
otherchick comes in and they b0nre
after b0ning, they talk about life and cr-p
hag sent him to military school
flashback to him as a kid and dad takes a shower in his jammies
then freaks out and smashes the glass
by blames society for busting his dads brain
and he thinks it'll happen to him
later bro wakes him up in bed with otherchjick and sez hag is going to do something about ogbys time wasting
otherchick and bro share a car ride where he sez how igby got his name
he had a toy animal called digby but f'd his name
and blames it when he does something wrong
so to counter his lies, she called him igby
that's like a marvel comics thing
they go up to an apartment or w/e and sez dad's drawers in his desk had countless cigarets lines neatly
then bro seduces other chick
everyones b0ning everyone
this is how aids spreads
plus its in new York
according to law and order; someone gets raeped every week there
so gf gets dressed up to see Malcom and he leaves her
man we're like an hour in
this movie's fast paced
igby b--ches about the other chick cheeting him him with bro
even though he cheeted on gf with her
and shes sheeting on Malcom with him
this is like bad springer
but less cross dressers
igby and other chick take a bus to meet hag at a restaurant
he sez he wants his money from dads estate as he'd get it in 2 years
that's how the prodigal son happened
hag wants  him back in school and he don't consent
igby goes back to gfs place and hears an answering machine from bill Irwin saying they got bad drugs
and igby finds her OD'd
he gets bimbo and she gets malcims to save her
when igby and malcome go back to gf's place, malcome beats his a55
later bro comes by and its revealed he did it cuz of igby b0ning his gf
igby took a high school equilivlency test and sez he don't gotta go to school now
then gets bummed and repeats what his dad said in da shower after freakin out
he goes to see othercick and wants to go off with her
she sez she chooses bro cuz theyre the same age
so igby bashes his bro and goes mental
then bro comes out of her place
I kinda see how igby cares about her
good acting by culkin jr
he sees his bro as bad for her
then he goes to bill Irwin and sez he needs work
he becomes a drug dealer and mule
bro dropped off a ticket and said hags biting it
later he goes to see gf at the nuthouse or rehab or w/e and shes out of it
I think the drugs broke her brain
he then reunites with otherchivk and gets her forguiveness with a ice cream sundae
hes going up to ice da hag
after he goes he wont return to new Sodom (new York )
and he asks to b0ne her but she doesn't consent
he goes to hag and she sez dads in the nut house
Malcom from jp 1 2 and 5 stops by and leaves
they give her poison yogurt and as shes eating it, she reveals Malcom is his real dad
then we're back where da film started and she blax out
then cut to then taking off da bag
he gets on bed with her and hugs her
then starts beating on her
imagine if he started b0ning her while foaming at the mouth and screaming like a maniac and takin bites out of her
igby calls the family and sez hag went to h-ll
later he plans on going to soviet California and kinda reconciles with his bro
btw malcome and igby were both dad and son and b0ning the same chick
just like springer
we get a montage of him reuniting with dad and plane flying to soviet califortnai
the end
that wasn't so bad
it had emotion
it had goo speed
good pacing
didn't feel long
good acting
the family is f'd up though
nowadays every family in movires and tv is f;d up
why cant we have a good family like the cosby show or the 60s batman?
aw f
special thanks; roland Emmerich
his movies s-ck
might as well say; special thanks Michael bay
igby also keeps taking jabs at his bro for being responsible and trying to find work
learning economics
and being right wing
in real life; his bro is probably gonna do well
but this film was good
and I liked it kinda
its not feel good
but its well made
for igby goes down 2 I want I to be the 2020s and the brother is running for congress but its revealed his brother igby is doing dead midget p0rn0 and its gonna f up his chances with the voters. so he sends his goons to take him in and lock him up so he cant f up the election for him. its also a 16 bit beat em up on sega genesis and super Nintendo where you play as the goons and fight across various p0rn0 filming locations to find which one igby is in and wail on various fetishes like fat chicks, amputees, midgets, dogs, shaved apes, the brain damaged ect.

Monday, July 9, 2018

Unbreakable Review

note I saw this 4. I also spell bad b4
this is by review on unbreakabnle from 00
its by m night shamalon and has Samuel l Jackson and bruse willis
it starts with info about comics which im sure is out of date today
then this black lady just pooped out a babybut he broke a buncha bones while in da womb
its by touchtone btw
the guys who did nightmare b4 xmas
and gargoyles
then willis is in a train as credits roll
I never saw how this started b4
he chats with a chick and sez he fears water
i kinda hate water too.
its a c-ck suck fluid.
every time i sh=t i wash my hands and they get water on em.
i go back to my laptop and the water on my hands f--ks the mouse touch pad.
it makes the arrow go all over and i gotta clean it all off to work it again.
plus theres always some a55hole turning on the sink or taps when i'm busy.
i'm playing mega man and the tap goes on and the noise f's me up.
i hate drinking water as it tastes like cr-p.
so if i just had meat or i'm outta pop i gotta have f--king water.
water can go to h-ll and f--k the frenchies there!
so he flirts with her and she sez shes married
then the train crashes
this kid watches it on tv while channel surfing and skipping power puff girls
but power puff girls in 00 was good
willis is ok and the other survivor was destroyed
and he has 0 damage
not even his outfit
so he goes home and his wife chats about how hes moving out
after a church service for the souls of the train victims, willis gets a note on his car
it asks how many days he's been sick
I should note theres long stretches w/o dialogue
good atmosphere
later he asks wife when he was last sick
and neither recall it
this is how horror movies start
later, in philedelphia 1974, this black guy is afraid of going outside
as school they call him mr glass, cuz he breaks like glass
that's pretty evil
mocking him over his disability
do they make fun of the blind too?
his mom gets him a gift on a bench across da street to get him outside
e goes out, opens it, and its a comic book
mom bought a lot and sez she gon give him 1 when he comes out
then he's grown up and played by Samuel l Jackson
he talks about how comics do stuff in art with physical views of heroes and villians
wtf Samuel has Edward scissorhands hair
a guy wants to buy this drawing samuel did for his 4 year old
Samuel gets triggered and goes on a tirade against him over comics being art
then willis and son come in
Samuel sent the car note
Samuel asks if he was ever sick or injured
son sez willis got in an accident and cant play football
Samuel sez comics are a link to history how pharaohs had wall paintings and tell stories
he has a genetic defect that makes his bokes brittle
is dat real?
he figures if hes naturally brittle, then is there someone naturally invincible?
someone put to defend the weak
me; like violence jack??
willis is freaked out by this and thinks its a scam
later at home willis reads newspaper clippings of his football days and past accident
then wife comes in and asks if he b0ned anyone
he sez no
she sez she wants to try being a fam again
later willis is at work as a baseball field guard and Samuel comes over to chat
wait, its football
willis notices a guy in a chamo jacket and thinks hes got a weapon
holy cr-p hes wearing a riki-oh poncho
when poncho notices willis he books it
Samuel grills wilis on how he knew poncho had a weapon and willis sez he pictured a silver gun with black grip
Samuel mentions comic heroes having x ray vision and willis has enuff
later Samuel follows poncho and falls down stairs and breaks
note; if he has a gun and is dangerous, he might ice him
plus his cr-ppy bones wouldn't hold up in a fight
as poncho books it from Samuel falling, Samuel notices the gun on his leg
just like willis said
later the id wants willis to play football against this super athlete and knows willis can beat him
sounds like in la blue girl how fubuki beat the pro b ball gym teacher
later kid is helping willis work out and willis b--ches about kid adding too much weight to the bench press
kid asks if willis can beat bruce lee
willis presses again but kid added more weight
he pressed 270lbs
that's more than my plus size gf who's like 220 a few years ago
they add more weight and willis can still lift
but on my 600lb life, those blobs can walk carrying an extra 600lbs of chub on em
later Samuel gets treated for his busted bones
why not debone him and give him new bones?
debone and rebone?
at rehab he asks questions to Willis's wife who works there
she sez she wouldn't have stayed with willis if he didn't get wounded and stopped football
like most women, she hates football over its violence
yeah and playing mortal kombat makes u eat people
later, at work, willis bumps into a woman and hears their thoughts
Samuel sez how he watched disasters w/o survivors and now willis survives w/o a scratch
yeah but his clothes weren't damaged
he probably rolled a 20 on his saving throw
later willis frisks a guy he suspects
nothing on him
then willis gets a walkie talkie message saying his kid got hurt
he goes to school and the lady working there remembers him from decades ago
she sez he nearly bit it in da pool
spent 5 mins at da bottom and they revived him
son got in a fight defending a girl being bullied
he thought he was invincible like willis by being his son
dad sez they both normal
later at home, kid pulls a gun on willis to prove he's invincible
rents tell him willis got hurt in a car accident and nearly bit it in da pool
kid thinks hes lying
so willis sez if kid fires, he'd go to new York
then orders him as his dad and gets firm
kid buckles
later willis sees Samuel and amuel sez willis used the accident as an excuse to quit football to be with da wife
good choice
you rather be body slammed by sweaty guys in tight pants?
or have the love of your life?
willis tells Samuel (who's named elija price like Vincent price) he got pneumonia as a kid and nearly bit it from da pool
later in a comic shop Samuel l Jackson is taking too long.
comic book guy; u better not be j-rkin off to the Japanese comics.
me; 1st; j-rkin off in public?! does this happen a lot?
2nd; I bet Samuel has an enormous man thing.
its like a tentacle! and he has total control over it!
it can wraps around guys and tie em up!
he feels bad after seeing samuels wheelchair
he wheels him out and Samuel keeps pulling the wheels to bump the stands
after a few times, comic book guy clls da cops
but samurl notices a comic and buys it
nowadays the shop would be hated by malcontent for alleged hate crimes 4 dat
later willis and wife have a new 1st date
but willis don't feel right
after da date babysitter for kid sez they got a call saying willis got the new York job
more like new Sodom
also on da answering machine Samuel calls
in 1 comic, the bad guys wanted to find every heroes weakness
so he figures willis reacts to water the same as humans
but every way else hes invincible
later willis goes out at night and breaks into this place in a raincoat
flashback to the accident how he was not hurt and pulled the door off the busted car to save wife
he then calls Samuel and sez he was neve injured
he then goes out in a station square and when people brush past him he sees their crimes
could this be reading their ki?
good use of color
the bright colored bad guys stand out against the gray stuff
1 guys a psycho killer
he follows him home and its actually the guy he iced's home
wtf 1 room looks like his kids room
he finds kids tired up in a closet
I assume the killers been b0ning them
man new York has a lot of horrid people in it
thieves, killers, degenerates
its like violence jack evil town
but less hermaphrodites
as willis looks out a window, killer sneak attacks him an he falls on a tarp on a pool and goes under
he gets saved by the kids he untied putting a pool cleaner or w/e into pull him out
then in slo mo, willis grabs killer from behind
it goes to normal speed and willis chokes him out
willis saves the 3rd girl there and returns home
he later caries wife up stairs and they comforts eachother
holy f
the kid is my age
and was in the last house on the left and the town that dreaded sundown remakes
breakfast the paper reports that willis is a hero and he tells his kid ; u were right
later he goes to a comic art show and talks to samuels mom
she sez the real villain fights the hero with his mind
later Samuel shakes willis hand and he sees Samuel was the one who caused the disasters that iced all those people
1 guy Samuel talked to said if a fire happened at a hotel, everyone would cook
but what if the hero was only weak to fire?
samuel talks about knowing ur place in ur world as willis is freaked out by Samuel killing so many
really good music too
Samuel sez the villain is the opposite of the hero
and he should have known after the kids called him… mr glass
holy cr-p
that gave me chills
really powerful
text sez willis lead the cops to Samuel who's now in the nut house
the end
that was good
like, really good
a realistic way of doing a super hero story
good mood, atmosphere, lighting, coloring, story and characters
and that twist
plus in the film 1 character mentions "this comic has a twist ending":
for unbreakable 2 I want bruce willis to be going around town taking out sicko's and degenerates and his son is now a teen but is somehow gaining powers. however, they are causing him to mutate and deform into some kind of abomination. so willis has to find mr glass and use his comic knowledge to save his son. but glass is sealed away in a high end prison and willis (who's now stronger than ever) has to bust through walls and doors and take out guards to get to his cell at the bottom of the asylum. also its an action game on sega genesis and super Nintendo where you play as willis and fight your way into the massive asylum to get to glass and take out armored guards and security robots and other mutants who were crooks experimented on by new York to advance science.