Monday, December 26, 2016

The Omega Man Review

note I am an non of spell check
the omega man
this is my review of the omega man
starring Charlton heston
based on the book ; I am legend by; some guy
it starts with a guy driving a red car in da city
living in da city
u know u got 2 survive
living in da city
u got 2 keep dat dream alive
where every thng is free
cant u c
he shoots up a window and we get opening credts
btw I saw the HOMEGA man by the simpsons
aw gay
its widescreen
2/5th of the sceen am black barz
oh and the drector is katy sagal's father
she was on married with children and futurama
Charlton heston ( c h ) finds a dead guy in an rmed truck and takes gasoline
he goes somewhere and finds a 1975 calander h se bikini babe
he talks to himself whlw woeking on a cAR
I talk to myself 2
I love heston
hes a real man
not some candy a55 like Justin trudeau
heston dries the car out and goes to a theatre
he watches a film on Woodstock
c-ck suckin hippies!
GOOD thing 4 da 80z
heston says each line as its sed o film
like me and the transformers movie
after he leaves he hears phones ringing
he sez theres no phone ringing and it stops
des he have reality
its almoist dark and he sez they'll be waking up soon
so he books it
at his home some cloaked pales guys attack but he wastes em
he uses a generator and turns on lights
he goes to the penthouse and recalls nucular with the soviets and Asians
he drinks and the cloaks burn things
its like protesters
the soviets talk (they are albino) (wait its the cloaks, not soviets) talk about how heston cant see in da dark and they cat see in da lihght
they wanna make a new world and wont use tech that humans wiped out the old urth with
oh and they hate da wheel
we get a flashback of a plague wiping out everyone
heston was a dr and working on a vaccine
hope it don't cause autism
he crashes in a chopper and vaccines himself
the cloaks act like a cult
they wanna cleanse him away with fire
heston talks to himsrlf and cooks sausages
the cloaks try catapulting fire at his place
he p;lays chess with a mannequin
da next day hston wants to find the cloaks nest
he gors to some place with corrpses
he finds a cloak but hes dead
he talks into his recorder
later hes in a mannequin store and one is a black woman whos human
he chases her and cant find her
he don't wear a shirt
if this were me i'd be in my undies all da time
he gets a drink
the cloaks catch him and tie him to a table like a ritual
they hate him for being of a technological age
are they hippies?>
they take him to a room
I assume they b0ned him
they hate him for being a scientist
he wats them to be cured but they like being freaks
holy cr-p its been 2 years
they see him as the bad guy for him killing them in self defence
soundx like the news when some junkie loses a fight with a real American
they charge him for being a 20th century guy and not having rotted eyes
and aids lesions
they wanna wipe out all traes of 20th century and b4 life
man they nailed millennials
they take him to be burned at the stake
the lights come on and someonr saves heston
its the 70s black wo man
she pulls a gun on him
they escape
they ride a motorcycle w/o helmets
and drive through a stadium
they escape and in daytime get to a base with many humans
the guy who saved him is a biker with science knowledge
the plague caused the cloaks to go metal and may humans in here have it but not as bad
hston checks on a black guy with it
the biker sez his droog turned and he wasted him
he sez hes immune as he vaccine himself
they can make a serum outta his blood
they go to his lab and he reavals he caught a cloak and experimented on him but it didn't work
I like how heston is a 50s guy and thes 70s tude guys are different than him
heston tries to cure the black guy
he has a drink with the black wo man and she tells her backstory
they are about to b0ne but the power goes out
heston didn't refuel the generator
the albino black cloak gets in and has a firearm
but the generator comes on as does da light
heston comes in and wastes the black albino cloak
then they make out and b0ne
heston; its been a long time, I'm not sure I remember how this goes
the next day the black guy  doing well and stopped enwhitening
they get some stuff and hston gets get to drain some blood
they give blood to the black guy and plan to use him to make more antibodies and spread the cure when hes heald
the black guy goes on healing
they wind up making more serum
as heston gives blood the blac guy asks if the serum would help the cloaks
he sez he cant give more blood for now and after the black guy puts on weight he can be used for serum
hston don't wanna give the cloaks serum so the black guy sez waste em
the black guy tells were they are and heton don't wanna
heston tells the base people he cured the black guy
then returned and found he left a note dat sez; ima find out who'z right; u or me?
the black guy goes to the cloaks base
they catch him
he tells em heston found the cure
\they say the black guy was ruined
as the black wo man comes back from shopping she seez the cloaks
she removes her head thing and she looks like em
heston comes In to their base armed
he finds the black guy dead
heston drives away in a power car and busts cr-p
he crashes and comes out packin heat
they thro sticks at him
he shreds em with gunfire
burns em 2
he gets home and finds the black wo ma an albino
the cloaks are in there
they catch him and bust his cr-p
its like how liberals feel its ok to do anything to anyone they disagree with
heston breaks out and takes a hostage
he gets his gun and takes his woman
the head cloak appears to her and she goes to him
he shanks Charlton with a spear
she sez hes evil and shes part of the fam
the next day the other humans arrive
hston is wounded and he gives the humans his serum and the humans take the black wo ma in the truck
is little girl takes hestons hat and they drive off
oh and heston bites it In a semi cross stance
the end
that was cool
I like f'd up 70s films
like embryo
for the omega man 2 i'd like for the black wo man t have bee cured by being pregnant with hestons baby who was clean and his dna healed his mom from inside. also the cloks have mutated further into insectoid creatures and by the time hestons kid with the black wo man(who has inherited all hestons traits and looks like a young ben hur) is a teen, the cloaks are bug people with flight and launchable stingers and have becme giant flying centipedes. he goes around busting them and using his super abilities gained from being a child of an infected an hestons cured lneage and fights a city full of these bug people. also its a 16 bit game on sega genesis and snes and Atari jaguar

Sunday, December 25, 2016

The Nightmare Before Christmas Review

noyte; who cares about spelling?
the nightmare before Christmas
this is my eview on the ightmare before xhristmas
I loved this film as a kid
when I saw it as a trailer in the 90s I knew I had to have it
I has it on vhs
walt disney pixcyures?!
that should be touchtone
after a rhyme of this beinf where holidays, wee get a creepy awesome stop motion song
is this is Halloween
I still sing this song decades after I 1st saw it
on the vhs was an add for gargoyles(the disnwey cartoon from da 90z)
halloweentown has a weird Addams family/cabinet of dr caligari vibe
I love it!
and I still recall lines from the 90s
sally the rag doll/goth chick
she escapes her creator by removing her arm
jack the king of Halloween town escapes the fans
jack sings a kinda emo song about getting tired of Halloween all the time
I love it
really good scenery with the full moon and the spiral extending hill
sally returns home and her creator reattaches her hand
they argue like teen daughter and dad
is he her dad or husbando?
jack has a ghost dog called ZERO
the next day the mayor goes to jacks place for plans for Halloween in 365 days
but jack is off for a walk
btw, the mayor is the fat guy from Beetlejuice and sally was the mom in home alone
jack walks all night and finds a gateway to other worlds like in Urotsukidoji
he gets sucxked into the Christmas one amd fals in love with the happy world of Christmas
although I'm more into Halloween
more fun
but I still like xmas
jack is the anti grinch or anti scrooge
he sings about how its different thAN Halloween
he loves it
sally adds deadly nightshade to the soup to k o her creator
she adds frpgs breath and worms wart to cover the shae
she gets him to eat it by faking drinking it with a holed spoon
btw, this is kind of the last of the animated stop motion xmas specials
like santa claus is coming to town or Rudolf the red nosed reindeer
after this it was all cg
the stop motion is perfect
better than cgi
its better with actual matter on film
so ack returns with xmas cr-p
he calls a own meetimg
wtf the moon is crensnt
it was full 2 days ago
jack sings yet another song
this one about xmas town
explains xmas cr-p but the Halloween town homies think weird creepy Addams family cr-p
so jack descrines santa as a big bada55 who goes out on a horror movie thing
santa is pretty bada55 though
I want a game where santa and Krampus team up and beat people up
we the get a montage of jack trying to get Christmas and explain it logically
the dr(the sally creator) locks her up for poisoning him and jack comes by
he wants science cr-=p
we get a montage of him doing science to find xmas stuff
he tries cutting a snowflake outta paper and gets a spider
I tried that in the 90s
didn't work
he also busts a glass thing on a microscope
I did dat too
sally jumps out of her tower, busts apart and sews herself together
the dr comes in and finds her gone
sally gives him a bottle that makes a smoke butterfly come out
but shes gone when he looks back
he pulls a flower and it becomes a tree
but it catches fire
in the AM he sings about how he just don't get it
he knows theres more to xmas than the items
but don't get what it is
he decides he wants to do xmas
he gets all the freaks of halloweentow to help make xmas cr-p
but with a Halloween accent
he hires 3 malcontent kids to capture santa
they sing a fun yet f'd up song about doing f'd up cr-p to santa
often involving eating him
btw pee wee herman plays the one dressed in red
btw these are some ugly a55 kids
jack wants sally to have saly make a santa outfit
se tries to stop him but he don't listen
then the kids bring back the holiday guy they caught
but its the easter bunny
oh and the dr is making a new female
we get a montage and song of these Halloween pepe making f'd up xmas cr-p
even a duck with bullet holes like the penguins one from batman returns
we also see santa at xmas town making good cr-p
oh and the dr makes skeleton reindeer
and jack has a coffin for a sleigh
the ugly kids catch santa
they bring him to halloweentown where jack jacks his hat
they take him to oogie boogie(the boogie man)
hes played by the guy who played the alligator in all dogs go to heaven
also the dr takes half his brain and puts it in the new woman hes making
oogie boogie sings an introduction song like in the WWF
hes also a gambler and lives in a sonic level like casino place
why wasn't there a nightmare b4 christmas game on sega genesis and snes?
tat would be perfect
get VIRGIN to make it
they did Aladdin, the lion king and the jungle book perfectly on sega
sally uses fog juice to make it fog but ZERO has a glowing nose and lights his way
strange, that sounds somewhat familiar
sally sings a kina emo love song
jack goes off and gives presents
1 kid gets a human head
his rents freak out
the rents call the cops
he give weird Halloween cr-p for xmas to everyone
even a weird a55 snake kinda like in beatlejuice
and jack dorsnt get that hes ruining xmas
they call in the military
over cr-ppy gifts?
kinda over the top
he didn't kill anyone
they open fire on him
he thinks its fireworks
sally seduces oogie boogiew with her leg and he tickles her foot
foot fetish
he catches her
jack gets blown outta the sky
in Halloween town they watch on a cauldron
\everyone thinks he bit it
the cps say xmas is cancelled this year
man, jack f'd it all up
in a cemetary he sings a song about how he f'd up
as he goes on he realizes that he meant no harm and he truly is the pumpkin king
he had a good run
and its not over yet
he goes through a door in the cemetary
he gets to halloweentown and runs
he finds oogie boogie abut to cook sally and santa
hes gonna eat em
he sends em down but they don't fall in
when he turns the table jacks there
oogie activaes his level traps
bk dodges em
oogie activates smething but a string on his cloth gets caught
jack pulls it and it comes off
hes just bugs and falls apart
santa goes off and saves xmas
sally(who's hands and leg are back on despite being of b4) shows she loves jack
b4 they b0ne, the mayor and kids arrive
everyone celebrates his being alive and santa brings snow to halloween
its snowed on Halloween b4
so much for global warming
the dr has a female form of him to b0ne
sally and jack sing about being together and admit their love
they kiss and ZERO flies to the sky and makes a star
I think they started b0ing after dat
and hes a skeleton
the end
I always loved this film
its art
based on actual events
tim burton was walking In November and saw xmas things replacing Halloween decorations
it sparked his twisted mind
put this on the history channel
ern the mummy; tomb of the dragon emperor
or deep impact
yeah, those were on it
for the nightmare before Christmas 2 i'd like r humans to find out about Halloween town and Christmas town and the malcontents who hate holidays cuz they aint "PC"ry to attack them in violent attacks. halloweentown is stronger than them as they are bad a55 demons and vampires and sh-t and its a violent Claymation splatterfest of people being bust apart by these Halloween monsters.

Friday, December 23, 2016

The Great Ziegfeld Review

note; spelling right contains h I v
the great Ziegfeld
this is my review on the graet Ziegfeld(30s version
after flashy credits its the 1893 world fair(wo  d f ir)
ooh, frank morgan from wizard of oz is in it
this strongmN LIFTS 2 CHICKS in a barbell
people whine as he is said to be lifting 750lbs
maybe if the chicks were 300lbs each
Ziegfeld wants the platform the strong man was on remade higher
he talks with the strong man as he beds an iron bar
frank morgan  (f m,) talks to a chick
they talk about f m's friend Ziegfeld blowing his cash
like m c hammer
zigfeld (z boy) eats dinner with the strong man
someone wants the m and z boy to have their employees to fake a romance for publicity
f m and his chick join em 4 dinnur
big z tells the chick he remembers what she wore each time he saw her
sounds like rain man
after dinner big z touches an elephants trunk for luck
then strong man does it and the elephant blasts him with water
strong man complains about people seeing f m's female dancer and not him lifting weights
maybe they find chick hotter than buff dudes
he flexes his muscles to music and a chick lusts after his beef
she passes out after touching his arm
maybe she got a b0ner an had blood issues from it?
they put on a show later
also in somewhere else big z's dad is teaching piano to a little girl
she wants to marry him
child bride?
back in the 30s we joked about that
but nowadays...
a guy comes in and gives her a present
the guy is florenz zeigfeld, z boys bro
I think its not his bro but z boy himself
the dad disapproves of his son going out to the worlf fair as he trained him to be a great musician
big z explans he loves all females and wants to make pictures with em
this sounds like a p0rn0
he convinces the little girl to break their engagement so she ca be with other guys
sounds like a bad ep of maury povich
the we get a montage over the strong man
he goes to san fran sisco
big z spreads word of strong man fighting a lion
he tells the humane society saying its bad so they give him free press
at the fight the lion falls over b4 any blows
on a boat z big z talks with a homie of his
it might be f m
hes got a new actress from Europe
shes called Carlisle
later in England talks to f m about an act hes signing tonight
he sez hes broke but pretends to be needing a message for f m to find out where hes going
he has a French chick named anna held with big anime eyes
after a scene of her singing, she returns to her room and finds a lot of flowers
she cant read English despite speaking it and her main/slave reads the card
its from big z
big z and f m go to the anna
he compliments her hands
I heard of foot fetish
HAND fetish?
in that 1 ep of yugioh season zero was that prophecy guy feeling anzu's hand creepily
he gives anna accounts on America hat sound bad
also he gives conflicting views on her act
he sells her his pitch about being famous and loved In America but doesn't tell her how much he'd pay her
f m offered her 10 000 plus sallery for signing
he sez hes broke but will give her fame
she flips out and goes mental
I hate how french women always go mental for no reason
she kicks him out but sides with him
later after a show the rich complain
turns out they lost an a55load of money
later anna s given singing lessons to sound less accent
she goes mental and wants to go back to france
then changes her mind
1 french guy sez shes in love with big z
they say something about him getting her 20 gallons of milk
sounds like hes trying to fatten her up
fat fetish!
he wants her to bathe in it
milk fetish!!
big z comes in and shes going disgruntled and he wants her to say shes bathin in milk
also the milk company is suing em
she freaks out
oh yeah and the strong man turned legit
probably doing p0rn0
he wants it as a publicty thing
she agrees with his cr-p
at a show of her singing women talk about her milk baths
later shes happy big z likes her and sent flowers
later its revealed they made a profit of 5000$ and if he don't blow it he can do well
oh and hes married to anna
they talk about doing new shows
for some reason she goes mental and emotional
he points out shes being jealous and she goes metnal as she hates jealous people
they soon make up
later f m meets big z in f m's office
f m is broke and big z wants to do a female show with funding from f m's new partner
girls dancing in a glamorous thing
Ziegfeld's follies
the f m tells his new partner and they give him the cash
then at show a gy does a song in black face
hes talented and can dance well
b4 the show the partner wont give him the costumes until he gets paid
big z is chatting with will rogers and giving him advice on giving jokes in his show
wait its not the partner its a costumer
he tells he costumer the dresses aren't the ones he wanted
the costumer begs not to be rejected and gives in
I like this Ziegfeld homie
hes smarty and witty
sorta like bill murry in ghost busters
after a song by some guy the girls come on
this goes on for a while
wtf I think its all done in 1 shot
oh and a guy sings pagliacci
f u spll check!
you don't have pagliacci
I had to type it into youtube to find how to spell it
my dad read me he story as a kid in the future year of 1999-2001
that was a pretty good show
after a blonde talks with anna we get another show
a guy who was previously a stage hand is now a singer
hes dressed like buster Keaton
once I was talking with my dad and he asked who was batman in the 80s/90s
I said keaton
he sez; buster Keaton!
yeah, maybe batman 1921!
although b k did his own stunts and was nimble
he could do it
good f
the buster Keaton dresser has epic dance moves
makes fred Astaire look like a cripple!
who plays him?
holy cr-p its ray bolger!
and hes playing himself!
this movie is instantly awesome!
hes like a friggin ninja!
like the chick from la blue girl or something
or the guy from shinobi on sega
then we get a long and very well made dance of chicks on beds
I kinda expect this to be a background in a 90s sega genesis game
I was reading wikipaedia about this film but when I looked back was chicks walking around in shiny flashy oufits
I kinda see where glam rock in the 80s came from
later big z gives a speech and tells this blonde to take a bow
they later sign a contract and photograph it
later a chick comes in and he don't recall her
she plays piano and her recalls her
its the little girl from b4
what year is this?!
as she leaves she sez; I forgive you for not marrying me
then a guy sez they found a  new act
her singing is good
her looks?
not too bad
the blonde is watching the show with em and seems disgruntled
I think big z is b0ning her
then some cr-ppy chicks come out with bad new York accents
then we get a scene of some chicks talking
big z comes in, sells her a mink coat and leaves
they are shocked to find its real
they think its stole bt they find it really was the real big z and he wants to use her in his show
she comes on stage all dressed up and he takes off the extra cr-p
the part she plays is a poor
he sings the song well
later big z don't wanna do another follies
he wants something with a plot
he gets a song; always look for the silver lining
later he ha the costumer (or is it the partnr)wanting money
he sez hes good 4 it but later he don't know how to get it
btw anna held I looked up and found was part polish
in the dressing room was the blonde and shes drunk
he helps her down and his woman anna seez
she ditches him
this is like springer
later the blonde goes mental on him, and busts is stone elephant
oh and z boy is broke
he gets wired money and makes stage shows
later at a dance he meets billy burke (a chick)
they gradually fall in love
they hold hands near grants tomb
I assume they were b0ning In the real version
btw there were 2blondes and I don't recall which is which
meanwhile ana is sad her man got a new woman
the I think she bites it
or just blacks out
I'm not sure
after some talking we get another show with chicks In poofy costumes and long white things hanging from the ceiling
then theres some cr-ppy reviews of the shows and they don't do so well
but he is able to make more hits later
he offers people who thought he was washed up tickets to the new shows and asks if they still think hes washed up
he reveals hes been buying stocks
the the 1929 stock market crashed
2 years later he reminisces with frak morgan
btw I read big z was in the Chicago fire of 1971
I mean 1871
I'm from Chicago in the 19th
why not do a thing of dat?
big z wants to do another follies
was frank morgin his friend or rival or foe?
maybe they were like naga and lina from slayers
or Yuma and kite in yugioh zexal
big z wants to do one mega show with all his stars
then admits him and f m are broke
his butler sez he left a great legacy
the bitler phones billy burk(not billy blanks the tae bo guy)
then phones a dr  and we get a montage of big z;s shows
he sez he needz more steps
gotta get higher
then bites it
that was moving
the end
I liked this
it had heart and love
good story on a mans life
for the great zigfeld 2 i'd like it to be about the after effects of the people in the shows and how they deal with him biting it (like in superman how after doomsday iced him the homies of him spend several issues moping around) then one of em starts searching the world for a way to revive him and goes on a crazy jungle adventure to find some black magic item.

Wednesday, December 21, 2016

Old Yeller Review

note; I never got a petfect on my spelling tests on grade school
old yeller
this is my review on old yeller
my dad used to read a serialized comic of it in the 60s
I assume its called old yeller as its about a loud a55 geezer
ive never seen it b4
it starts with a song and credits
a song about how good this dog is
personally I hate dogs
they're loud and annoying and mental
I wish we could send them all to French Canada and nuke em so we'd be free of the curse of their existence
then some boys talk about money
ooh, they're confederates
the rents talk about selling cr-p for cash
the dads gonna be out for 3 monthz
the dad has a p0rn0 stache
the kid wants to go with him but the dad sez no
but the older bro goes
on the trip the dad tells the son his responaibilities
the son wants a horse
the dad goes on and the son goes back
the son plows the field with a horse
this dog chases a bunny and it causes the horse to drag the son, f the crops and bust the fence
I say they shoot the dog and eat him
the son throws rocks at the dog and it runs
at dinner the kid bro comes back from bear hunting and he wants a hunting dog
he ha frogs and snakes in his pockets
once at my grampas farm, I grabbed a snake and showed it to my mom and she ran inside
I was like 6
da next day da son and mom talk about the dad
the yellow dog has eaten the fams middling meat
whats a middling?
the kid wants to keep it but the older son hates it
that means they'll fall in love later
the kid bro runs with the dog and the dogs big black anus is showing
the teen bro hunts and his horse throws him
he says the horse has the sense of a blind goose in a hailstorm
reminds me of amercan hoggers and how that geezer kept makng random sh-t
its I there tighter than a corn cob in a hens a55
its outta control, like a mad woman with diarrhea
the teen caps a deer but when he gets back he sees the kid bro washing the do in drinking water
they bicker
at night the teen leaves mat out and sez he oughta cap the dog between the eyes
when he gets out the dog hasn't eaten it
later the teen chops wood and the kid/dog go after fish
he catches it
later the boy catches a baby back bear
but a bigger blacker bear goes after him
and the dog fights it
that was pretty bada55
we need more fight scenes between animals
the teen warms up to the dog
then this hairy guy stops by
his daughter sez she saw the dog steal food
and her dog is his dogs baby momma
the hairy guy tells the teen hog catching tips
the teen tells his mom
the teen wants to keep the dog busy
why not just chain him down?
like at night
he sleeps with the dog in the corn field but the coons come in
the dog fights em
why not just put out poison or traps?
coons are dangerous
m uncles cat went out one night and was mutilated dead by a coon
why cant we wipe those daemons out?
we did it to better species
the next day this cow isn't there and the teen/dog go out for it
the dog picks a fight with a cop
the kid goes after the calf but the cow chases him
but the dog aves his a55
later the kid(I meant teen) carries the dog I mean caf and the dog leads the cow
later the cow is tied up and the teen tries to milk her
that sounds like a p0rn0
the cow freaks out but the dog stops it
later a cowboy comes by and hes the dogs owner
the kid has an episode and throws rocks at the cowboy, knocking him off the horse
tat cowboy otta beat his candy a55
but instead he trades him the dog for a dead toad
oh and a meal
after the meal the cowboy warns of rabies
later the teen/dog go after hogs
the hogs are caught but get out but get caught again
the teen uses his hog catching tricks he got from the hairy guy
good thing those Animal Supremacist Scum wernt around back then
the teen falls in the hog area and gets b0ned by hogs
he gets away but his leg is f'd
then he runs back and finds the dog all f'd up by hogs
see you in h-ll old yeller!
he tries to save the dog by hiding hi under a big rock opening
imagine if the hogs came back and ATE HIM ALIVE!!
that's right
hes ALIVE as hes being EATEN!!
THE TEEN GETS HOME AND HIS MOM Treats HIS WOUNDS (f I left the caps lock on)
he wants to go bac as "he promised" old yeller to return
dogs don't understand human talk
the fam finds him and buzzards are after him
they get him out and the mom uses a horse hair to sew his open cuts
later the girl visits with a puppy of the dog
the hairy guy sez rabies is going around
and the hogs might have it
the teen later sez the hogs wernt mental
later the cow from b4 is all f'd up
its rabid
I'm noticing a lot of similarities t his and pet semetary
the teen caps the cow
it don't show it though
it should've shown him blowing open the cows head like a shook up pop can
they burn the corpse
the kid has animal supremacist views of animals being equal to people and having souls and going to heaven
the kid the eats from the same bowl a dog does
then the mom calls her teen to bring the gun
theres a wolf
dog fight
why don't we sell tickets to this?
its like mma and horse racing
the teen caps the wolf
the dog is cut up
the wolf jumped into the fire b4 and is rabid
the teen goes up his own a55 over it being "wrong" to shoot that beast after it "saved" em
its just a dog
to quote freeza from dbz; he waz jest... a munky!!
he wins over his mom to give the dog a chance
they keep the dog quarantined in a wood place
later he dog goes demon
cap his candy a55!
or if you don't wanna WASTE a bullet... use a HAMMER!!!
THe teen lies and sez the dog is ok
but the kid wants to be with the dog
they gon b0ne
the little p o s tries to free the rabid dog
see wat lying does?
only leads to damages
the mom stops the dog fro getting out
that little p o s nearly killed his whole family
the mom gets her shotgun
the teen volenteers to cap him s its his dog
he aims and takes forever to fire
f--king do it!!
the gun doesn't move as it fires
this is fake!
it should've shown the dog getting holes blown in it
and it takes like 8 shots to finish him
rot in h-ll you c-ck sucker!!
hope gacy has peanut butter!
\later the dad returns
the teen and the girl are on a hill burying the dog
burn it!
and take a big greasy dump on its ashes!
the girl sez the puppy is part old yeller
the teen sez; hes part but he aint old yeller
so does he ant a inbred dog?
highest pedigree and pure bred are fancy talk for super inbred
the dad gives the son fatherly advice
he sez in life theres bad and good and u cant throw it all away over a few stains
after the little p o s kid goes mental over noting, the teen takes on the puppy as the new old yeller
young yeller
then we get a song about him
ooh, chuck conners was in diss
my dad had a rifleman lunch box in da 60s
the end
that was good
I wasn't moved to tears like in lord of the rings or ben hur
its a positive well made film and I felt it was pretty good
for old yeller 2 i'd like for the fam to come under attack by bandits and the new dog to be defending them. the bandits catch it and b0ne it dead in front of the fam and the kid snaps and goes demented. the next year when the bandits return the kid who snapped sets up gruesome traps that butcher the bandits in really gory ways. also the teen has become a cripple after his leg gave out from being f'd by hogs in the 1st movie and he's trained as a sniper to pick enemies off at almost a mile away and has gotten into cannibalism as "its what old yeller would've wanted". he also talks to old yeler (actually his twisted psyche) and ices people that "old yeller" tells him to

Sunday, December 18, 2016

Oliver Review

note; read my cr-p
this is my review on oliver
I recall in da 90z seeing adds for he 30th anniversary and at Zellers on the shopping cards
its based on a book by checkles dickens
it starts with an overture
after crediets with 1800s images we go to a work house for poors
I hate how all movies are about poors
why cant we have successful people?
imagine a batman movie where batman is just a hobo going around b0ning clowns
then some poor kids come in singing about food
all these young males lightly dressed
is this some pedo movie?
and they're brits!!
I have trouble understanding those f'd up clockwork orange accents
also its super widescreen
around 1/2 the screen is black bars
good set designs though
and better color than most films today
the kids don't get to eat until their owner taps his staff
they can sing but need consent to eat?
one little butt pope goes up and sks for more food
the owner goes up his own a55 over it
the kid runs but the guys at the poor place (I cant recall what I called it and don't wanna scroll up) chace him
the kid is oliver
the owner sez hes gonna beat him and feed him bugs for asking more
what is this? the human centipede?
these brits are f'd up
makes me glad to be an ameeican
i'm polish, American and catholic
all I need is irishness and i'm everything the brits hate!
btw they try to make these f'd up brit thing sound light by singing it
the owner takes oliver out and sings"boy 4 sale!"
why not just grind him po and feed hi to the other kids?
btw, going out into the slums with a grade schooler saying; boy for sale??
this is pretty suspect
I expect some fruity guy to buy and b0ne him
lie in degrassi jr high when wheels went hitch hiking and his guy tried to seduce him
some brits buy him and say they're purchase him after trying him for a week
if I buy a pack of yugioh I don't say; i'll see if the cards work and pay u next week if theyre good
also olivers mom pooped him out and bit it b4 telling them anything
maybe he's part daemon
a guy badmouths his mom so he tries to waste him
the adults chase him and he runs out and around
they catch him and seal him in a coffin
this is f'd up!
the owner comes by and sez hes mental cuz hey didn't feed him gruel
meat gave him spirits
no wonder texas is bad a55 and California is candy a55
thy lock his in the celler and theres coffins everywhere
he sings some emo song
then ecsapes and gets to London
he meets a young boy ho looks like a p=mp
he is streetwise and clever
and talks cockney
so I think he is a p=mp
he offers oliver a place to stay and sings about being his friend
if vader sung a song like this luke would\ve joined him
theres really good camera work and choreography
holy cr-p we're like 40 mins In and little has happened
btw the people in England are all dirty and kinda ugly in this film
he brings oliver to a place with young people smoking, gambling and other things
just like in ninja turtles 1990
he meets this scuzzy guy named fagin (fae gyn)
hes nice to oliver
oh and these kids are drinking booze
I remember my dad reading me the classics illustrated comic boo of oliver twist
fagin trains the kids to be pickpockets
I hate thieves
in bible times they crucified em
in samurai times they used em or weapon testing
see how many a katana can slice through in 1 swing
a 3 body blade can cut though 3 men in 1 slice
and there are 5 body blades
fagin makes seducing kids to theft and crime with a song
also he sticks out his a55 a lot in the song
if this were made today it would be about him using kids for h00king and would be a law and order svu ep
I had an idea
svu deals with various fetishes
gay, bi, pedo, gender, necro, pregnancy, fire, teen, handicap...
they otta have an ep about a fat fetish!
picture this
a girl disappears and several months later, a huge fata55 comes by saying she escaped and as force fattened by the guy
they find his lair and theres a lotta really huge fata55 chicks
some over 800lbs
with butter enema's and wearing filthy sweat stained rags, that once were fitting clothes, that they since grew outta
they were chicks he captured and enfattened and b0ned their fat
now they are immobile blobs that he feeds and are to heavy to get away
sounds f'd up?
well, it IS svu
I'm surprised hey haven't done an ep about that already
fagin gets oliver to pick his pocket but oliver s-cked at it
he sez oliver did well
btw, the p=mp is named; the artful dodger
that sounds like a p=mp name
fagin goes to a bar and meets a guy who gives him expensive items
but fagin sez he has no cash and wants to appraise it 1st
we get a song from wat I think are h00kers about how they like their lifes
fagin counts his treasure and oliver wakes up
fagin talks to his owl and notices olivr is watching
so he threatens him with a metal thing
when oliver sez he saw nothing  fagin sez sorry
the treasure is his retirement fund
the next day a h0ker stops by and oliver isn't wearing a shirt
she sez only oliver has manners
the p=mp has other poor kids for a fake carriage and sings a song about doing "anything" for her
8 kids play horses, 2 on each side with umbrellas as wheels and a few others
they drive around the room and fall down
then oliver sez he'd do "Anything" for the h00kers and a "kiss"
then fagin comes in and they kids say they'd do "anything" for him
this is pretty f'd up
fagin pays the h00ker and whines about needing the money to pay for cr-p
oliver wants to join em on a mission(a jacking of others goods)
fagin sings a slight military song about "being back soon"
don't say that!!
in horror movies that's certain wacking!
aint these kids the bad guys?
I mean they're stealing
what is murder but stealing life?
wat is mo les ting but stealing virginity?
they try stealing but the cops go after em
they have several sorta looney toons attempts to escape
oliver goes up on a thing but a train goes at him
so he hides under it and gets caught after it goes
fagin is p-ssed they got oliver as he might out em
the big guy who gave him the items wants him to go get oliver from the courts and fagin sez if he goes down hes bringing others with him
so the h00ker goes to get him
in court the judge is a sourpuss
oliver is too freaked out to tell em anything and the judge sentences oliver to 3 months hard labor
but a witness (who the judge never let speak b4) sez it was 2 other boys who took the wallet
mn englnads courts are f'd up
oliver is take away by some human and the p=mp follows
then intermission
oliver is in bed and some chicks outside are singing about selling flowers
fagin wants the h00ker to bring olivr back
the big guy slugs her out when she wont do it
such a dark moment in an otherwise jolly movie about poors suffering
the h00ker sings about how the big guy still loves her
at the clean home, a guy has oliver return books and pay a bill with a 5 pound note and get 4 pounds 10 shilling change
that don't add up
how much is a shilling?
freekin metric system
the yen makes more sense
maybe even dongs
I prefer dollars
oliver sees a minting of a blonde chick that people say look like him
oliver tries to return the books but  h00ker leads I'm to get kidnapped by the big guy
this is how svu eps start
hes taken to fagin and wants to know what oliver told the clean guys
oliver slaps him and the guy gets oliver on a table with his butt sticking out and starts taking off his belt
good f he's gonna b0ne him!
but the h00ker saves oliver
this is pretty sick
if you made a movie like this today all the people would acuse it of being pro pedo
just show this to teens and listen to their coments
the big guy holds fagins throat and talks about snapping a chickens neck
he leaves and fagin tells the p=mp that the big guy is a violent man and no ones safe
he tells the p-mp(dogder) to look after oliver
fagin gets a song about not being so bad and wanting to go straight
they really like making bad guys look good
except the rich and white guys who beat people up
its like watching cnn
fagin decides to stay a bad guy
meanwhile the clean guy meets with the owner of the poor
the owner had kept a locket from olivers mom for like a decade and never showed anyone
it could've found him a home but they just wanted another slave
that's England for ya
at least the roy als didn't buy and b0ne him
meanwhile, the big guy takes oliver on a mission
ther gives a message to the clean fam
she admits to taking oliver but wont out her partner
she sez to meet at a bridge at midknight
she loves the big guy too much to out him even though hes a brute
sounds like a rapper gf
at night the big guy cuts open a window and send oliver in to open da door
but he accidentally makes noise and the owner comes out with his big dogs
but the big guys dog scares em away
at a bar fagon the h-0ker and big gy meet
big guy has the dog watch oliver and we see the dogs wiener
the h00ker sings a song
the h00ker gets oliver out the the big guy catches em and beats her dead with a stick like dr Jekyll
it doesn't show it but I bet she's all mashed up and busted open
he books it with oliver and his dog follows
he knows the dog could cause issue so he tries to ice it
\but it gets away and finds people after the big guy
the big guys to fagins lair
he wants cash from fagin but fin notices the blood on his coat
then the people who got the dog get there
fagin and his droogs scramble out and the big guy takes oliver as a hostage
as the cops come up the stairs they f--k out as its cr-ppily made and rotting like an englismans teeth
as fain escapes he drops his treasure I  the mud and it either sinks or is dissolved
the big guy tries to tie himself on a rope and has oliver bring the other end of it on a beam
he plans to jump rooftops like the tick
he swings across to the other building but gets capped
meanwhile, dogder picks a pocket
fagin sings about losing his loot and walks toward the sun like in gone with the wind
then he meets dodger and is offered the jacked wallet
they go off singing to stay crooks
oh and oliver goes to live with the clean house
the end
oh and the credits sound like p0rno names
jack wild
ron moody
john watters
wheres lucy morals or jurgen offen?
not a bad film
its pretty f'd up with stuff but its watchable and fun
for oliver 2 i'd like oliver to have grown up and he goes back to free the poors from the place he was in at the start of the 1st movie. the owner of them has started using forced amputations for those who go against him and he uses the pieces he removes from them to feed the kids so they can save cash on food. the kids have become so used to I that they now desire human flesh and when oliver frees them, they go around England eating people. they also have wood limbs with blades hidden inside em and can twist in a way that their bones spike out as weapons.

Saturday, December 17, 2016

Turkish Star Wars Review

my spelli ng s-cked. but does the movie?
Turkish star wars
this is my review on Turkish star wars
its also called; the man who saved the world and Dünyayı Kurtaran Adam
my Wisconsin homie wanted me to review this so here I go
after the opening credits of names I cant pronounce(which goes on for a while)
we get narration about how peopled have gone into space and its thousands of years after the space age started
we are in the galaxy age
I gotta say, this sounds like M D GEIST
the solar system was replaced by the galaxy system
sounds like yugioh cards
I sacrifice solar system to summon galaxy system!
civilixations were forgotten and people went primitive
they also looked for immortality
sounds like dbz
all earth races became one group known as the galaxy tribe
I assume that means they wiped out all but 1 race
earth nearly was destroyed by nucular weapons nd there as nothing strong enough to get rid of em
earth was destroyed and its pieces became meteors in space
just like dbz
nucular war continued on other planets and space and earth was being broken up for profit
wtf I thought they busted eatth
this giant space enemy was busting at earth to get pieces of it for cash
but humans made a force field of human mind and will
sounds like that thing in beyblade metal fury where all the blades combined their ki to save the day
or transformers Energon with those force field Energon towers
I hated Energon
its animation was pure cr-p
it ruined trasformers forever
and hat was their 20th anniversary series!
anyway, the force field was made of compressed brains molecules ad was earths only defence
and only a weapon of human will can break it
ad the enemies have no brains so humans spirit is the strongest weapon
that sounds like bad saint seiya
humans send out fighters at the space enemy but none returned
I assume they were b0ned dead
2 of the best Turkish fghters joined the war
but some humans sat out the war
then we get some guys in suits in a base
I mean power ranger guys
I mean aliens
1 guy sez he can take over earth as its weak now
if he can capture a hman brain he can take over earth
then they lanch ships
bt the turk ships are coming
I gotta note that the bad guy ships are x wings and good guy ships are tie fighters
they use a lot of star wars footage in here
they fly around and space battle
the bad guy sez the earths are using magic
the turks beat the bad guys and are gonna return
they gotta do something with guys but 1 guy pefers chicks in miniskirts
sounds like sailor moon
maybe wedding peach
or nami sos
they space battle more but a force pulls the turks away from earth
therex some explosions in space and the alien sez once he gets earth he's gonna be the master of the universe
then fiie asplodes on a planet
we get trippy camera and effects
out of the ground emerges a guy
btw I like how this is fullscreen
oh another guy gets out 2
I think its the turks
they are in some star trek desert
they talk and chat for a while
one suggests the planet is populated by women and they might be testing their courage
sounds like Robotech II the sentinels
they find pictures on rocks
narrator sez millions of years ago they also faced a powerful enemy
1 sez the unknown force brought them to the planet
the picutres looked like nucular weapons and the civilization was advance but wiped out by nucular war
the turks talk about chicks and one has a whistling tune that no woman can resist
he wistles it for a while
then horseback warriors attack
they say they are skeletons
they fig
these guys are pretty good
they escape but this badly made monster attacks
also some robots blast em with ray guns and they fall off the horse
they get caught
they have to fight or be iced in a tourney
I gotta say, seeing real mater on film and no cg is a real treat
it looks grand
better than most cgi cr-p today
theres a sword fight and a guy gets it in the uterus
this big blue guy is comically strangling a little boy
maybe he's gonna b0ne him after
hes swinging him around by his head
its almost funny
the dad of the strangled kid sez not to and gets whipped
after ore killing, the turks escape their ropes and fiht
they use the Indiana jones theme a lot
1 of the turks gets cut up by a sword and the bad guy watching sez the red blood means they are humans
he needs em
the turks escape
and a kid helps em
this blonde treats their wounds
a blonde turk? I knew they were white!
I mention this as a while back these malcontents went nuts over someone saying Santa was "White"
they said; hes not white, he's Turkish cuz of saint Nicholas!
2 things
1st; santa is an amalgamation of many things such as Slavic and Nordic legends
esp the Nordic pagan god Odin.
so a Nordic god isn't white?
2nd; turkey (and many north African countries) are considered white
think of this
turkey is across the street from Greece
are greeks white?
Greece is next to Italy
and itanliano's white?
Italy is next to Slovenia and Austria
are me and fred Astaire white?
white isn't just blonde hair and blue eyes
like sailor venus(a Japanese school girl)
the blonde looks like sayaka from hokuto no ken 2
the turks talk about how nucular weapons nearly wiped out the world when war broke out cuz peope were too solemn
happiness seemed unneeded
and if people knew how to smile they would have peace
sounds like good advice for liberals and feminists
they are usually so disgruntled and malcontent
always hating(ironically in an effort to "stop hate")
1 guy sez to a royal looking guy that if the earth men aint a magician trap they can save em
the royal looking guy sez hes a scholar and he has knowledge that can save the universe with them
and they are all humans
and the turks ancestors came from that planet
the people used technology not to destroy but for happiness
they talk and its revealed thousands of years ago, earth was busted by the 1st nucular war
pieces of it went to space  and the planet they are on is a piece of earth
I get it
the parts of earth survive
even if earth is busted
now it makes sense
and this earth part's ruler, the magician(not the 90s fox kids show) rules it
and the turks arrival puts the people in danger
the bad guys use the millennium falcon to get to earth
the main bad guy sez he has an advantage over earth
and waited 1000 light years to destroy em
light years measures distance!
its like; I've waited inches for this time!
the turks go through the caves they are in and finds mummies
they arise and also nunjas come in
wait, theyre monsters
they attack the kids the turks fight em
they run and seal themselves in an area
then a bear monster comes in and busts the kids
kids biting it?
this film is bad a55!
the kids bodies are put in rock things and their blood goes into a guy's mouth
the kids are turned into mummy monsters
1 turk trains by hitting rocks
he lifts rocks as weights
this is like saint seiya where ikki and shun punch a tree
or fatal fury where andy bogard hits a tree
the turk trains and splits a rock wih a karate chop
his blooddy hands are treated by the blonde with herbs and spices
Kentucky fried hands
then the turk trains by tying rocks to his legs as weights
just like in dbz
soon he's jumping high with the rocks
wont that f his joints?
its a training montage like rocky or team America
soon hes busting rocks with kicks and kicking rocs like soccer balls until they asplode on walls
btw, when is tim curry gonna be in this?
I heard on animexansion that he was or wasn't in this
the hey have a lunch of bug fries and snake stew
to be fair; my grampa and dad made Slovenian blood sausage
and on the farm they had pigs feet and pig brains
that sounds like fear factor
at least we didn't eat the reproductive parts
the cats ate those
then the bad guy punishes people for helping turks with is weird magics
I think he microwaved him as they look rotted
then they turn into power rangers monsters
he turk sez bye and leaves saying they'll meet again
he kisses the blonde on the forehead and sez he's gonna come back
then kisses her lips
she hugs him
I assume thy were b0ning in the real version
the turks leave
1 sez the blonde is human
they go to town and all these weird monsters are there
and I think some are b0ning
2 bat up this teenthe turks help em by fighting
ev ry bo dy was kung fu fi ghting!
he fights the power rangers monsters who were rotted guys
then the bar they were in is empty
and the bad guy arrives
he sez they cant ouch him and he can multiply at will
he sez hes everywhere and immortal and symbolizes mans bad raits
sounds like bad yugioh
alo he has all powers since mans creation
that's over powered
he makes the color of the screen change and sez the turks are alive on this planet as he brought em there
he needs em to beat earth and no one escaped his power for thousands of years
he can get anything he wants at any time and he wants earth
sounds like a millennial or spoiled brat who thinks everyone owes him
like kids in college who report people or disagreeing with em
buncha candy a55 dinks!
he shows the blonde and a kid and sez they are his too
hes using the turks love for em as a weapon against em
they go away and he sez he wants the turks to come to his palace and him to be their friends
this sounds like a 16 bit role playing game
then turns the color back, disappears and robots appear
they bring the turks to his palace
the turks came of their own free will and got new clothes
the bad guy wants the secret of human mind powers 2 break he resistance
so he sends the queen to break their will
this is turning into a p0rn0
like cool devices
A robot brings the turk out and the queen appears to the other one in a skimpy outfit
maybe this IS a P0RN0!
f, caps lock was on
I ant rewriting dat
they talk and offers him to rule with her if he gives her the secret of human will
he refuses
meanwjile the other turk is taken to see the bAD guy
he offers to team up and rule together
at least hs not trying to seduce the turk
the turk sez hes gonna beat him cuz the bad guy Is afraid
when the human power unites it can beat him
they chat more for a while
the bad guy shows him a box wth a humn brain in it
when he gets the turks brains he can fully rule
so why not just take em already?
what r u waiting 4?!
what r u waiting 4?!
he sez hes beyond time, immortal and 1000 yeas old
and offers to share immortality
then has the blonde and kid brought in
then taken away
the turk fights some monsters then
this goes on for a while
he karate chops off 1 red guys arm and stabs I'm with it
while making out with the queen, the other turk suddenly has he queen vanish and monsters appear and hold him
they're gonna b0ne him!
but he fights em off
then more of the turk fighting the monsters
he karate chopps off a bear guys leg
then he turks meet up and kung fu fight
to quote micky from pee wee's big adventure; great film pee wee! action packed!!
then they get stun blasted by lasers in a hard to under stand scene
the bad guy has em held under huge stone blocks
they are then gonna be berried alive
dirt is put on em
but they get up
the mumies take em to the arena to fight and affect their self confidence to control them easier
the queen sez the turks are stronger than the bad guy
he then uses his magic to turn her into a rotted zombie
then into a spider
in he quarry like area like in power rangers the turks fight a big werewolf guy
1 does anyway
he jumps over him
a lot
as the earth was broken into smaller parts doesn't hat mean theres less gravity?
he kicks he monster and beat it
jump kicks work well in beat em ups
one turk is taken and the bad guy wants to take over his brain and gain his power
also the turk has a nice moment with the blonde
he goes to a tomb of some guy and he royal looking guy is here
they talk about religion and relates it to this film somehow
a bonze mountain protected people from radiation
and gathering the mountans power by melting it into a sword will make something happen
and scholars gathered long lost human goodness and knowledge into 1 brain
the sword and brain are on this part of earth
his daughter(the blonde) hasn't spoken since he hid them
didn't she at something b4?
I cant recall
shes taking the turk to them and he has to pass trials
man, that sounds like a bad video game
both anime and video games ripped this off
was this popular in japan??
they walk a bit and he kung fu fights knight ninjas
this would make a good video game on sega genesis and snes
the other turk is hooked t a machine and lights blink
the turk goes through a cave with the blonde
they come into a weird church thing
it says early followers were driven into underground cities and Jesus was their guide
their cities were thousans of meters(the metric system  s-cked! say yards!) under ground and had advanced tech
in 1 rom they find this weird sword and it has statues that are obviously guys in suits
he takes the sword and fights the statues
also is the brain in a box
they relate Christianity to Aztecs and the magician reached immorality at last
he had mind powers and iced a lotta people
the blonde sez he did it and she can talk as he blade and brain were got by a mortal
they find the captured turk but hes different
then they fight
this is like I a video game
then the turk turns into a were ape cave thing
so the turk stabs it
turns out he captured turk is still caught
the turk uses the blade to fight knight like guys
also he captured turk's brain cant be captured as its thoughts are connected to the other turk
the blade turk cuts down monsters and runs around
it like in a video game where b4 the final boss you get the ultimate item and the minions cant stop u
he blocks gunfire with his blade and cuts down robots and other monsters
then frees his friend
the captured turk wants to sword
but to cut up the bad guys
he wants the power
captured turk; do u think ur the ma who'll save the world?
sword turk; as much as u think ur Casanova
reminds me of
hay Vasquez! u ever been mistake for a man?!
No, have you!!??
high fives
so aliens ripped off Turkish star wars
they fight over the blade and 1 turk is KOed
the captured turk goes through his clothes and takes he sword and bran
he goes to the royal looking guy and wans to know how to combine the rain and blade
why not just squish the brain on the blade?
he gives the guy them but the guy turns into the bad guy
the bad guy uses force pushes and busts up the turk
the prequel trilogy of star wars ripped off Turkish star wars!
the sword turk comes in and is attacked by the bad guy
but nothing happes and the bag guy vanishes
the royal looking guy sez the magican took the sword and brain
and he can destroy the world(like Anubis in yugioh the movie)
he sez; save da world
then bites it
after he sees a brain cooking
the bad guy sez he combined he brain and word and as he royal looking guy's powers
and he can imprision them forever if they resist!
he captured turk sez this is hisfault and runs off to avenge the royal looking guy
then asplodes
the other turk brings him back and they have a tacked on sad moment
then he bites it
he turk sez tears are a sign of knowing joy and evil don't know tears or the after of them
that sounds like hokuto no ken/fist of the north star
the turk dips the sword in the burning brain in a pot and it melts
then he dips his hands in it and gets power goves
he can punch down stone doors
he goes out to fight the bad guys
I thought the bad guy had the sword
the robot gets the blonde and the boy
as the turk fights bad guys the main bad guy fires blasts at him
but he dodges em by jumping
then the bad guys get ready to destroy the earth
we get clips of star wars where the death star blasts
the turk kicks a hole in a pink guy
another pink guy is karate chopped in half sideways
he then pulls and punches heads off monsters
the bad guy sez hes indestructible and to save the earth the bad guys gotta destroy him
is that a poem?
in a fight the turk pulls off a mummy's head and throws it at another mummy, which then asplodes
its like a grade schooler made this movie
I love it!
like axe cop or something
most of the fight is just clips of the turk fighting and then clips of star wars and clips of the bad guy saying; da urth iz mine!
\the turk fights a robot with lazers
btw, I just realized the golden gloves the turk wears was ripped off by Zelda
and mixing weapons to make a bigger one was used in Castlevania and shining force 1 with the main sword
he busts off the robots head and it asploeds
he fights more monsters
I wonder
are those his new hands now?>
or can he take the gold off
he pulls off a werebears head and it asplodes
he fights the main bad guy
the bad guy throws 8 pointed stars of david at him but he jumps
is he a ninja?
in high school a guy was making ninja stars in shop class.
the teacher asked; ur not making ninja stars are u?
he replied; no. its a star of david for my Christmas tree(4 points and some longer than others)
eventually (after much random star wars clips) the turk is fights the bad guy and he shnes light in the turks eyes
then he stops and the turk jumps around
he kicks a rock and it asplodes on the bad guy
then he kung fu's him and pulls off his helmet
he beats his face and chops him in 2 with a karate chop
head to crotch
theres an earthquake and volcano
he arrives and everyone cheers
they say bye and he sez bye as hes going home
he flies off in the millennium falcon and sez; there wouldn't be a world without humans
and there wouldn't be huamns without a world
cuz humanity is the most important thing in the universe
he who creates peace is truly human
is that a poem?
the end
wtf did I just watch?
w/e it is, I love it
its fun and exciting and cool and cheap and low budget and cr-ppy
I never cared for real star wars(Robotech is better) but this as enjoyable
I don't hate star wars
I just never was impressed by it
I also never liked donkey kong country or super Mario 64
I couldn't get a handle on em
i'm more of a sega guy anyway
but I liked this film and thought it was cool
for Turkish star wars 2 I'd like the turk to return to his home place and find it was taken over by the bad guy's forces while he was out. but they don't know the main bad guy bit it. and they don't believe him when he tells em. so its just him fighting through various stuff and fight clips taken from power ranger and beetleborgs and vr troopers and masked rider. also the blonde arrives to help him out having watched him train and copied what he did and now she is player 2 in this. oh and its a 16 bit beat e up on sega genesis and snes and the game has sprites taken from other 16 bit and 8 bit games.

Wednesday, December 14, 2016

Dial M For Murder Review

note; will I spell it right? place bets now!
dial m for murder
this is my review for fdial m for murder
from Alfred Molina I mean Hitchcock
shouldn't it be spelled; hicchoch?
maybe in Slovenian
in the 90s on Dexter's lab was dial m for monkey
that was a good show
back to the movie
its in color
but widescreen
its based on a play?
with music by some Slavic guy named Dimitri
I gotta say the colors are bright and positive
a guy has breakfast with his blonde wife
what was it with hitchcik and blondes?
its like go nagai and hermaphrodites
turns but she's been b0ning this guy while married to another
I think
she has some relationship with a guy named tony
we get a lotta back story in this opening thing
she got love letters but burned em after reading\but 1 was swiped
she was black maled over it and paid
but didn't get the letter
\and her cash she sent wasn't opened
btw I should mention these are all brits
I assume that means they are all bad guys lol
I think tony is her husband and the guy she's b0ning is the guy in the room
then the tony comes in and its revealed the b0ning guy is American
his name is mark
like hercule in dbz
mark invites tony to a "stag party"
I assume that means a b0ning thing
I'm not sure
ive never been to one
the tony and blonde leave and the b0ning calls a guy about an American car
in other words; a REAL car
NORMAL cars drive on the REAL side of the road
the other cars are MIRROR cars
later the car guy who looks like rock hudson after he got aids comes in and they know eachother from 20 years ago
they drink alcohol
I assume they are the bad guys
if my kids drank alcohol i'd enema them until it was cleaned outta them
he knows the car guy swiped 100 lbs of brittish money and pinned it on some other homie
the tony has wife issues and his woman didn't want him to play tennis(his game)
but one day she wanted him to go
after he left she went to b0ne a guy
but he followed her
he's bummed as if she dumps him like with kim Kardashian he'd not have her cash
he wanted to waste her and the guy she was b0ning
he thought of this while getting drunk
he swiped the letter and only didn't ice her as he saw the car guy in the pub
maybe he's gonna b0ne him
in his and his woman's wills the survivor gets a big pay day if the other bites it
he knows the car guy was in prison and stalked him until he new his routine
the car guy was using fake names to hide his identity and has been conning people
he wants to go to the cops or out tony but theres no evidence it wasn't the car guy doing it
the car guy is also cheeting on his women with other women
its like that sailor moon episode where sailor venus was with tigers eye and hawks eye
oh and the car guy wasted a chick he was with
this is pretty clever
he chooses a guy scummier than I'm to do his dirty work
the guy cant out him as he's way more wanted and deeper in
like in starbarians where trinosaur wanted to bring in the starbarians
we cant bring tis guy in, we're way more wanted than he is!
he sets up a plan to call her to get her into the room and the car guy wastes her
then fakes a robbery
he's gonna say the window was open as she goes for walks in the garden
and as shes not around, she cant testify
he's gonna be at a play or opera or w/e as an alibi
and its gonna happen tomorrow night
the blonde calls her husband and he chats with her
the car guy accepts
the next day the tony and the blonde and the butler talk about writing crime storys
he identifies with the criminal and sez; what would I do next?
they are going out but the blonde wants to go out for the night
he sez; u don't want us going out!
its an act to keep her in
he sez he needs money for the cab and uses it as a chance to get her key
but then the taxy arrives
so he leaves the key on the stairs
at night the car guy comes in and gets the key ad uses it to get n
at the party the tony's watch stopped as he overwound it
I just go digital
at the phone booth he has to wait as theres some geezer in ti
the car guy is leaving and the hone rings
she picks up the phone and the car guy garrotes her with a cloth
but she shanks him in the spine with scissors
as he twists around he falls on is back, the scissors go in deeper
the woman gets the phone and he pretends he don't know what happened
she sez she wacked the guy who tried to ice her and he sez not to touch anything
he tells his droogs the blonde isn't doing well and he needs to go home
he goes home and comforts his woman
he goes through the car guys pockets and she gets aspirin
he gets the key and calls the cops
he sez he don't know if its an accident
he tells her he's gonna talk 2 da cops 4 her
he gets the scarf the car guy tried to wack her with and burns it
then ties 2 socks together and leaves em outside
then intermission
he lied to the cops saying she didn't call em cuz she thought he'd do it from the hotel
he sez its the logical explanation
the cop shows up and checks things
the husband tony misleads the cops and plays innocent
the cop questions why she went to the desk from the other side
also the window was locked and the husband sez he always locks up
also the car guy came in from the door
the suggest when she had her bag jacked the guy took and copied it
then returned it
the woman denies having anything besides cash swiped from her bag
but if the car guy had a double, it would till be on him
the mark comes over and they chat about the tony calling his boss
he claims he needed his number and called his wife to get it for him
the cop reveals he knows mark and the woman were b0ning and the letter as in his pocket
the mark reveals the blackmail letters
the tony sez he heard on the phone the struggle but its not much evidence
the stockings in the area of the attack were from the womans knitting bag
the husband sez the cops must be planting clues
what is this? O J?
you know wikipedia doesn't classify him as a murderer
also they call acupressure and creation science "pseudo science"
yet call anyone who questions global arming a "denier"
according to al gore; the planet has 5-7 years before the artic is ice free. he said this in the mid 2000's
after a montage of her expressions, shes found guilty
his friend who was into murder mysteries sez he has to lie to the cops to save her
he sez he can say he left his key outside
and he met with him and planned to ice her
and he as lying about stuff
and planted the stockings
and he wants her iced or cheeting on him
and he planted the letter on the body
oh the murder mystery guy is mark
and he did t for the money
and if he says this he'd only get a few years in prison (getting b0ned by big black guys)
they cant hang him for a murder he never did
then the cop comes in and sez hes investigating a money thing and wants to know were he spent and got cash
the cop places a key on the floor and pretends to find it
I missed a bit and the cop pressures the tony
tony sez he won 100lbs in dog racing
they mention a case and money and mark in the other room finds and opens it
he out tony but tony outs marks plan to have him fake taking credit for the icing thing
he wants to know where he got the cash and the cop goes through the bank books of the tony w/o a warrant
he finds each week he took out 50 lbs for a while
tony claims the woman gave him it and told him not to tell anyone
the mark sez hes going to tell the woman and she'd change her will to cut him out and leaves
like joan crawl up my a55 Crawford cutting her kids she f'd up out
the cop switches jackets with the tony an sez he needs the tony to come to the station to collect the womans cr=p
the tony laves and the cop goes in and calls the station
mark comes back and the blonde comes in but cant get in
she comes in through the window
her key didn't work
the cop sez he knows of the case but she don't
he sends a op with a purse to bring it back down to the station but has him hide it in a bag as he'd be "arrested" otherwise
nowadays the opposite is true
the cop sez the tony tried to ice her and that he swiped her key and found it didn't work
the tony comes home but cat get in
he goes back to the station
the cop calls em and gives orders
turns out the car guy used the real key and put it back and the key the tony took was the car guys key
the woman not using the key under the stairs was proof she didn't know it was there
if the tony usings the stair key then it mean hes the one who put the key under the stairs
he does so
as the key in the wife bag is the car guy key
he comes in and finds he's f'd
knowing the jig is up, he has a drink and is cordial
the cop calls the phone and brushes his moustache
the end
that was clever
witty and polite
nowadays there'd be more swearing and b0ning
btw, they use the term
making spaghetti
as slang for
as b4 the woman and mark b0ned they made spahghetti
sounds like la blue girl
maybe nami sos
I liked this one and felt it was well done and smart
for dial m for murder 2 i'd like for the husband to be in jail and its only a few weeks before hes released and the inmates he p-ssed off see this as their one last chance to get even. so they keep trying to cripple, kill or b0ne him in various traps. but he keeps finding ways to outsmart them. its also a comedy like tom and jerry but with gore and blood and bone removal and people being microwaved until they burst open like a bag of cef boy at dee.