Thursday, June 30, 2016

King Lear Review

note; my spelling aint getting better(or is it?)
king lear
this is my review on king lear (70s version)
another shakespere
I actually read this in high school
I don't recall howv it ended
and this is the 1st time I've seen the film
in high school in 1 drama class I read the part as a cross of rober stack and orson welles
both in their work from transformers the movie
the film starts with a long intro of still imaGES of people
no sound even
then the king sezs some cr-p about his kingdom
I should say this film is also black and white
he keeps going on and on
get f'd shakespere!
stop these wordy monologues!
You aint tommy wiseau
hes talking to his daughters about which 1 loves him more
his 1st kid sucks up to his fat a55
shes kinda haggy
w are they wearing?!
its like a tundra Alaska town
what year is this?!
cave man times?
any cave man chix here?
the 2st kid sucks up to him and sez she's the best
oh and da king iz giving them parts of his kingdom
his 3rd kid don't suck up to him and is honest
the king (being an A55) kicks her out
he also don't give her any inheritance
what a butt mo
should we have a malcontent uprising?
maybe get some democracy?
has democracy even been invented yet?
what year is this?
a guy decides to get the 3rd kid and says something about france
then people are traveling the tundra
is this gonna be like in teenage caveman?
the 1st 2 kids (who are like 50(maybe less(brits age bad(are this England?)))) plan something together
they travel in carriage by big black horse and wear animal furs
1 g cuts his hair with a daggar
he keeps saying 1 line then it zooms in on him and hes doing something different each time
in one time hes chocolating up his face
we get some text but I cant read it cuz its gone in like 3 secs
this movie is pretty cr-ppy
but in a likable way
like a roger corman thing
low budget and making the best of it
1 chick says this guy keeps doijng "1 gross crime after another"
I assume hes j-rkin off on people
like that candy a55 shinji in evangelion
then this geezer come to the town
they live in a walled around area in the frozen wasteland
is this the future brought about by global cooling?
I think the geezxer is the king
maybe not
wait, I think it is
he insults a guy for b0ning his daughter or something
an ugly guy tries to teach the king something
he wastes an egg and does something with the shells
he sings a weird song
is he a bard?
is this D&D?
1 of his kids b--ches at him for something only she really cares about
she then sucks up to his fat a55
he sez something and gets cheers bu she goes back to b--ching
the king flips a table and everyone goes nuts
he says some desire for something to happen with his 1st kid's reproductive organs
that's creapy
shakespere was pretty f'd up
at least hes not making all these bad jokes about b0ning
the bard talks with the king in the carriage
I don't really get what they're saying
freakin Castlevania talk
I get clockwork orange better that this cr-p
then we get a title card saying its at a castle with the bast-rd son of someone and his briother
after some talk, 1 guy sez he couldn't ice a guy
also a guy ran into a bedroom and jumped on a guy
its always gayness in shakespere
oh and they keep talking about kids looking after their dads
1 guy finds a note and reads it to another guy saying hes gonna get a big inheritance and something about his brother
someone runs and others try to find him
someone slices up his own arm on a blade and then more guys go out to find someone
the cut up arm gets treated
im not really following this
we get a title card saying one of the brothers is escaping in disguse as a begger
and something about someone coming to the castle
the begger guy covers his face in filth to look like a begger
he gets caught and some guys rough his a55 up and leave
I assume they b0ned him in the real version
later a guy comes to park his horse but a guy goes mental on him  for some reason
the leader of the place chews his a55 out over it
someone is locked in a wood thing by the legs(oh its the guy who went mental on the horse guy) and his boots removed
are they gonna tickle his feet?
isn't there a fetish for that?
later a carriage comes over and the wood trapped guy is dusted with snow
the bard gives the wood foot guy some advice in rhyme
if this was made today he'd be a rapper
king says something about wanting to see his daughter to someone
he talks with his 2nd kid and I don't really get what they say
then a carriage comes in and his haggy 1st kid comes in
she looks like kathrine hepburn
he b--ches at the 1st kid and tells her off
the sisters team up and he says some numbers at em
5 and 20
hes getting p-ssed
just slug em!
you can take em
and im pretty sure you whipped em b4
it may have been like 40 years but you can still kick their a55es
he calls em hags
if these chix are sisters then why do they look nothing alike?
the king gets in a rainstorm and moans while lying on the floor
he keeps talking to himself(whicjh I do) gets up and rambles on
is this the end of the film?
the bard and another come in
I think the carriage crashed and he's recovering
he talks to someone (the begger I think)
the begger stands nude in the rain from the waist up and the camera keep cutting back/forth
1 guy sez; fee fi fo fum, I smell da blood of a brittish man
didn't know this was where its from,
the king nd begger go inside and therea lot of sheep
also the begger is wearing a loincloth
I was looking up whats up next month on tcm's website but I don't think I misse muxch
this guy is captured and they spoon out his eyes
this this guy shanks the spooner
then this girl(I think 1 of the kids of the king) beats him dead(the shanker)
I wasn't paying attention for a bit but I saw the king and someone walking in the wet wasteland
later on the spooned guy and I think the begger are walking on a beach
they talk and I think the spooned guy wants to jump off a cliff
he prays then falls
but they are in a field or beach or w/e so he survices
they talk a while and the king comes in
he goes on about
h-ll if I know
I don't speak 1500s
the spooned guy crys and the king hits the ground
a buncha guys with weapons come in and the king runs
they swarm him in the water and later come back to this place
I think they b0ned him
its different guys commng to this place
I think 1 of em is one of the kings kids
why is the king roaming the wastelands?
shouldn't he be ruling?
later the horse guy from b4 finds the begger and spooned guy
the begger iced the horse guy with a stick and walks off with the spooned guy
the king is captured and his 3rd kid has him
hes told hes in his own kingdom
he reconciles with her and asks for forgiveness
theres a fire or something and the spooned guy is saved
and the king and his 3rd kid is there
the king talks of wehat to do and some guys bring him off (I thibnk)
I think the spooned guy bit it
this guy in full armor is confronted by some guys but wont give his name
then he fights a guy and one bites it
they take off their helmets and I don't know who they are
the 1st kid of the king busts some chicks head On the ground
then ts her own head on a rock
then the 2nd kid gets lynched
then the king carries her corpse to the wasteland and talks to it
wtf is going on?!
he picks up a feather and thinks it means someones alive
he calls someone a traitor and sez shes dead
he asks who this guy is and he sez its his servent kent
but king thinks hes long dead
the king j-zzed in his pants and bites it
the end
wtf did I just watch??
this movie was weird and hard to follow
like a weird a55 European film
I kinda liked it
but didn't get most of it
still it had a weird underground vibe of the 70s
for king lear 2 I'd like it to be set around the grandchild of the king who has developed psychic powers and was hidden away on an island to keep the people from knowing of him. with the king dead and no successor, the country is going mental like when bush got rid of saddam or Gandhi got rid of the brits. they need a leader to rule them or they start killing eachother. so this now teen with psychic powers is going from place to place and using his psychic powers to blow up bad guys and save the people.

Wednesday, June 29, 2016

Hamlet Review

note; my typing is f'd up
this is my review on hamlet(the 48 version)
its by shakerspere and has jean simmons(not the kiss guy or Richard simmons)
my dad read me the classics illustrated comic book from the 60s top me as a kid
spoiler; everyone bites it!
nah it cant be a spoiler
the play is like 500 years old
its also got laurwence Olivier
its full screen
no black bars
oh and peter cushing is in it
so it starts with some fruity shakespere moloniogue of text
it sez its about a guy who cant make up his mind
then at a castle a guy goes up some stairs and talks to a guard
some other guys appear and talk
this is like a modern video game
it starts with a long opening and you don't get to do anything til the long rambling plot starts
so then this armor ghost come in and freaks out the guys
but then goes away
its cuz the rooster crowed
they ramble on chatting for a few mins
wtf this is in Denmark?
I knew a guy from there
he was big on 4chan and didn't mind anime girls with big d0ngz
he also liked go nagai and evangelion
the king talks about something I don't really get
as does polonius
I call him pol
I;m having issues cuz my fat chick gf is whining about sh-t on the phone
after some chatting, hamlet is alone chatting about how hes malcontent
his dad bit it and his uncle married his mom
and ham isn't happy and dislikes his uncle for b0ning his mom
didn t ths happen is the one act play "Richard mcbeef"??
so then a guy talks to ofelia and a guy (I think pol) comes in and chats
ofelia ios gay for this guy and clings to him
wtf she grabs his groin in 1 part
pol or w/e chats wioth ofelia about someone wanting to b0ne her
I thought polonius was a huge sweaty fat a55
the ham meets his homies and they chat
ham has been mentally seeing his dad
his dad was the king b4 the uncle
didn't the lion king do this?
hams homies saw hams dad's ghost
ham wants to go see it tonight
at night ham and homies are standing guard and watch a party or something down in town
after some freaky tension, ham sees the gjhost and irts his dad
ghost dad?
didn't bill cosby do that?
his homies think its a trap
but ham goes to it anyway
after a slolk in the mist(like a bad video ghame level) he talks wityh ghost dad
ghost dad sez hes doomed to suffer like Jacob marley until hes avenged
also he was wacked
like diaiana or chucks other women by the qwween
and the uncle was the omne who wacked the ghost dad
he poured poison in his ear as he slep[t
I don't think that's how poison works
I just realized the king looks kinda like al;pha trionfrom transformers g1
ghost dad leaves and hamlet j-zzed in his pants and falls over
he wanks up later and talks to himself
him homies find him and he leaves
they wanna find out what he said with ghostdad but he dont wanna let em knoe
he has them do some power rangers sword ritual thing and goes off
I was typing out a sailor moon thing to send to a guy on tumbler so I missed a little but I don't think it mattered
pol reads a note to the  king/queen from ham
oh, pol is ofelias dad
I think
then ham walks by
pol talks to him about rotting dead dogs and b0ning/breeding
pol gives ofelia a book and leaves
ham talks to her about
h-ll if I know
its weird 1400s cr-p I don't get
ham loved her b4 but I think he turned queer or something
he advises her not to breed with some guy
he wants her to be a nun
 yells at her and when she attacks him she gets her a55 knocked down
he leaves and pol and uncle come in, talk and leave
ham gives his famous "2 b or not 2 b" speech
I think he's arguing with himself over committing seppuku
whats with shakespere and suicide?
was he emo?
I recall watching shakespere in love
spoiler; it s-cked!
Oscar winner my a55
the yugioh movie from 98 was better
not the one with Anubis
the season 0 one with that wiener kid and his red-eyes black dragon
victory wont fall into your hands, you have to reach out and grab it
better moral than some brittish guy getting b0ned or w/e
so ham gets some actors together to do a play
a play in a play?
I dooooooooo sayyyyyyyyyyy
the play inviolves a king getting liquid aids poured in his ear
btw pinkey and the brain, and the simpsons have done their versions of hamlet
the uncle is disgruntled by it
he has a freak out
later the uncle has a monoluigue over his issue s with wacking the king
ham almost shanks uncle but thinks "he's gonna go to the same heaven as my da" and changes his mind
he wants to ice him when he's doimng something bad so the uncle goes to h-ll
im not sure that's how it works
ham goes upstairs 2 his mom and pol hides
ham hassles his mom, hears something, stabs the curtin and pol falls out
ham was hoping it was his uncle
is hamlet the bad guy?
hes kinda acting like it
he hassles his mom over her b0ning the uncle and is a real d-ck about it
this guy's kinda f'd up
then he looks at the ceiling and starts going mental
he hears ghostdads voice
the mom cant see it but he talks to the air
is this a horror movie?
imagine if the ghost b0ned his wife and got her ghost pregnant with a half ghost kid
is the ghost real?
or is ham seeing things?
well the homies saw it so maybe its a daemon
after some talk, hamlet makes out with his mom
even degrassi never went there
later ham talks to the king about fatness
the king wants pol but ham is being vague about his location
like in a horror movie where the killer wont say where his victim is
ham talks about man/wife being 1 flesh to f with the uncle
later uncle wants to ice hamlet
ofelia is going mental and starts freaking oot and singing
ham talks about when himand his homies were at sea and he was captured by pirates
I assume they b0ned him
wait, its a letter to his homies
the uncle talks to a guy about him being acused of icing a guy
the guy he's talking to sees ofelia has gone nuts
the guy is the bf who's crotch she grabbed b4
her dad biting it broke her brain
man they drag out these scenes for too long
this movie is 2 hours in!
later ofelia bites it in the river
later ham struggles to communicate with a grave digger over who's grave it is
this is what happens when people don't learn freekin proper English
yoyoyo lemmee ax u diss, iz yu ah ite?
the Japanese can communicate with us better
oh its ofelias grave
and a skeleton dug out of it was yorik
ham holds his skull and talx to it
alas pour yoric, I knew him
this guy's f'd up
like a serial killer or something
the name yorik reminds me of an incident in my grade school days in the distant future year of 2001
in grade school this black kid with blonde hair and a small ponytail (yerick) wasnt at school for a while. one day the teacher said; yerick moved to another school. and erica said; no more stink! and the class laffed
good times in the 90s
at the funeral hamlet ruins it and goes mental
the uncle tries to get someone (who in the simpsons I think was pol's son) in on his plan to take out hamlet
hamlets a d-ck
send him back to h-ll
he wants to use a poison sword to ice hamlet
and the uncle is gonna also use a poison drink
that's kinda overkill
so much poison makes it easy to go wrong
a fruity guy gets hamlet to agree to the swordfight
at the battle, ham sez sorry for something to the pol's son
they have the sword fight
ham is winning
then the queen drinks the poison drink
ham eventually gets nicked
but in the fight they swap blades
the pol son gets nicked and knows hes already dead
the queen bites it and the pol son outs the king
ham shanks the king a lot
ham realizes hes already dead and gives a speech
he bites it and his homie sez ham would've been a good king or something
my a55
he was mental
and im pretty sure he went to h-ll for his crimes
then they take his corpse up to a high place and the film ends
that was almost as long as birth of a nation
and no where near as exciting or cool
I didn't hate it
but its not that grand
for hamlet 2 I'd like for it to have been revealed that the ghost dad was really a daemon send by England to weaken Denmark so they could conquer it. but the people are manlier and stronger than the brits who attack cuz of their Viking blood and beat them off each time. also its revealed that the uncle iced the king as the king was going to sell out his people to the brits so he could serve them and rule greater numbers of people. and w/o a ruler, the denmarks form an democracy where theres free speech and equality and real human rights (things the English hate) so the brits lead by their deviant regent begin ritual sacrificing poors to change the weather to ruin Denmark(which doesn't work as man cant command something as random as the weather by minor actions). Denmark is lead by a new generation of elected leaders who earned their place instead of getting cuz their dad had it. and each has some super skill or ability.

Saturday, June 25, 2016

Julius Caesar Review

note; im too cool to spell right
Julius Caesar
this is my review on Julius Caesar (the 50s version)
its by shakespere and stars marlon brando
despite that, i'll try not to spam the sodomy refs
its gonna be haRD
it starts with credits as no one wants to stick around once the movie is over
I like reading ending credits
they got some p0rn0 sounding names in them
we get text saying cesar won a war and was gonna be made some high rank or something
but the people don't want it
then some people talk about Caesar and one guy goes on a tirade
hes kinda prissy
he keeps rambling on
but no one cares
often I just say random things when no ones paying attention to me
nuke the 3rd word!
my aids is acting up!
necro pedo ninja turtles!
no one cares or listens
I'm like the ghost of Christmas past
]Caesar comes home but some soothsayer sez xeaser should beware the idea of march
cesar bringshim up and he sez it again
also his eyes are dead
this is how horror movies start
brutus and some other guy talk about bruticus not loving him or something
take it to springer
cassious is the guy
cassie wants bruticus to grow some go naads and see himself as a powerful guy
this is like in Hokuto no ken how jagi twisted shin to take yuria
cassie is jealous of caeser
he also b--ches about how despite caeaser being seen as a god, hes got human faults
cassie goes on for several minutes just jaw boning
not THAT kind of jaw b0ning
brutics dont really want to be pat of cassies scheme(I think. they talk  all castvania-y)
caeaser tells brando(playing mark antohi(im calling him toni)) that he wants fat bald men and cassie is lean and hairy
I know he means it as a metaphor
but that sounds like a p0rn0
I wonder if he were around today if he'd be into art of male pregnancy?
people drawing the dbz guys full of babys
most dbz guys aint human so maybe they got uterus's
1 guy talks about a guy refusing a crown several times
its cesaer who refused
the guy is named casca
that's the chick from berserk
they mention a "falling sickness"
I hope it doesn't mean b0ner problems
it fell off again!!
1 guy (I forghet his name) talks about howe xcesaer loves bruticus and how he wants to ice cesaer toprevent bad stuff
then theres a storm
cassie talks to cicero about
h-ll if I know
its all weird shakespere cr-p
later casca and cassie talk about how the stormy weather is like Caesar
they don't want him to get too powerful
they meet someone ese talk and leave
later a guy (I forget whop. they all look alike) talks abiout rising power and rights and useage or something
he wants to ice caraser to stop him from getting too strong
sounds like broly in that dbZ MOVIE
a buncha guys in cloaks come in and they talk about some cr-p I cant decipher
oh theuy are deciding who to include in the hit
they suggest icing toni
but they think itsd unnecessary
toni loves Caesar and they fear hes gonna go after em
buit they think w/o carsaer hes not a threat
this guiy(I think cassie)'s gf comes in and (oh its bruticus)talks about him being unwell
I went to read messages I posted on Kaiserneko's youtube page but missed a bit of the movie
but I don't think it mattered
the gf is talking to caersawr abouyt sending toni away
a guy comes for caersar but he sez hes not going
the gf sez to say hes sick but cesaer sez; f dat! I aint lying homie! blicketee black
he said it in like 1400s talk
but the gist is the same
1 guy (I think casie) seZ they gon think caer is afraid so he changes his mind
then some guys who wanted to ice him come in
as does toni
hes polite and frilly to em
later a guy reads a scroll and it warns ceaser not to trust em
he knows if cesaer reads it he can survive
give it to him butt mo!
he tries but cesaer don't take it
the guys fear their scheme is discovered
a guy bows to cesaer buthe sez he don't want it
other guys suck up to his a55
he sez hes not changing his tune despite other people saying he should do things as the public demands
like the liberals saying w/e is politically correct as their tune
then they all shank him
even bruticus
and he bites it
they celebrate
they make excuses that they were his friends for icing him since it makes him not fear biting it as long
that's bad logic
and sounds like a thing for assisted suicide
a but in a black tunic who works for toni says some stuff but I don't follow
they otta have subtitles in 90s slang
good morrow mark Anthony= yoyoyo homie!
toni comes in and talks about something but I dont get it
they say they iced him out of love
toni shakes hands with the guys who iced caersaert
he sez he loved caeasaer and complains about something
he asks why cesar was dangerous
then wants his body
oh cesaer! u were the only one I ever loved! and now ur ded! i'll make sure we'll always be together!
eats him
wait dats violence jack
they leave and toni talks to cesaers corpse
I assume he's b0ning it in the real version
he talks about violent sh-t and war and blood and babies diced and moms being happy
this guy's f'd up!
I kinda would prefer it if he was b0ning the body
less disturbing
bruticus or someone sez to the people he iced cesaer cuz he loved him
is that better or worse tan the qween icing daiaiana for outing their flaws?
he wins the people over with double talk anD THen toni comes out with cesaers corpse in a banket
bruticus sez hes gonna seppuku with the same blade when he needs to and the people want him to live
this movie is very left wing
the people immediately turn on cesaer
but toni sez bad sh-t about cesaer and good sh-t about bruticus
he goes on for several minutes
he takes off the blanket and shows cesawers cut up corpse
I assume it was nude in the real version
I think in his tirade toni turns the people back to loving cesaert
he mentions "putting a tongue in every wound of cesawrs"
this is f'd up
then he sez what cesar gave em
the people go on a race riot and start a bond fire
we get text saying octavious (cesaers son) became a new leader and the assassins skipped town
1 guy sez to wack the fat guy who was someones sisters son
brando talks about an a55 for a bit
also the assassins have a force of their own which is being hunted by the empire(like star wars)
cassie and bruticus bicker like an old married couple
they make up w/o kissing
bruticus sez the chck bit it
its said she "swallowed fire"
I aSSUMe that means she was b0ned dead
they mention 100 senatrs were put to sleep including cicero
he didn't really do anything in this film anyway
btw, this movie is fullscreen
no black bars hiding the tops of their heads or 90% of the S on superman
bruticus talks to luscious (a slave boy who plays the harp for him)
I assume they were b0ning in the real version
btw autocorrect turns his name to luscious
ater that night bruticus sees a ghost of himself (his evil side I think) who sez hes gonna see him soon
bruricus tries to shan it bt it vanishes
later bruticus sez the ideas of march are back and he sez bye to the guy who got him to ice cesaer
oh irts cassie
they talk all poetic and hold hands
cassie leaves for rome or something
but theres a trap and snipers get em
and the snipers were lead by toni
cassie escapes but is gonna get caught
so he has his slave freed and has him shank his a55
I assume he b0ned him dead in the real version
a captured guy tells octavious that bruticus is safe
bruticis tells a guy he saw cesaers ghost at night 2x and knows his tine is up
he goes on a wordy monologue for a while
he has a guy hold a blade and he runs into it
but 1st he holds the guys hand
I assume they were b0ning in the real version
why cant they just seppuku?
the samurai and daimyo did it
are they not man enuff?
candy a55!
after getting his body a guy sez; let us use him (I forget the rest)
toni goes on a monologue which isn't long or wordy and the film ends
we get the credits again in case you didn't care b4(or now wanted to see who played who since they don't know who looks like what or who does who b4 da film
this film was ok
mostly chatter and not much splatter
like spartacus
that had splatter
a dudes arm was offed
for Julius Caesar 2 I'd like for rome to go to war with the Japanese and have epic battles with wood and gear powered mech suits and various Yokai under their enslavement like oni and yatagarasu and kappa and tengu and yukionna and such and the romans are fighting a losing battle. they decide to have a b0ning ritual and all b0ne together in a secks pit to summon a great lust daemon to fight the Japanese. the Japanese are overwhelmed but the pagan gods of ancient japan cause a great storm to save them and drive away the romans. in Julius cesar 3 the romans try to find japan for revenge but they don't know where to look. so the attak various places to draw them out. but this time japan s ready with equipable Yokai armor that gives em Yokai powers and they also have oni turned into vehicles and mechs by hollowing them out and equipping them with gears.

Thursday, June 23, 2016

The Bad Seed Review

note; still bad with my keybnoard. theres typoes
the bad seed
this is my review on the bad seed (the 50s movie)
I think I saw it b4
but dat was years ago
its based on a play
the music seems a bit tim burtony
it starts on a dark and story night
no one seZ DAT ANy more
I miss da 90z
then we cut to a bright sunny day in da suburbs
this blonde girl(maybe albino) is playing piano
her dad's going off on a work thing
he looks military
the girl makes a issue about her dad saying "by gum"
I summon tuning gum in attack mode and use it  to synchro summon hot red dragon archfiend in attack mode!
they seem to be a happy golly gee willickers jimmy olson fam
I miss how in the 50s things were wholesome
nowadays the girl would have gender issues and be very malcontent and swear and b0ne a lot
she gets cool shades and the music turns creepy
she doesn't want blue jeans and likes wearing dresses
girls don't wear dresses anymore
most wear pants or shorts or thongs
idont like jeans either
this greasy guy comes in and I think hes a gardener
he don't get along with the albino
she tap dances with iron heeled shoes
shes kinda malcontent over not winning a gold medal in penmanship at school
she runs out and the greasy guy squirts her feet with the hose
its not clear if its an accident
the older woman b--ches at him and calls him schizo
her name is BREEDLOVE
sounds like a P0RN0 NAME
after the chix leave the greasy guy talks to himself about knowing more than he lets on
at the place the chix are going this lady sez no one is to go out on the pier
then the chix arrive
the mom tocks to the teacher about the albino
at dinner the geezer lady sez she met Sigmund freud
I hear he was a purvo and most of his ideas were disproven
they talk about this nurse who iced 9 people for cash
the mom hates violence
my mom does too
once I was watching brainscan (I think that's the title) where the teen lives out murders in a video game and she hated the scene where the foot was sawed off
she also thinks "Saw" and its sequels are gory(she's never seen em)
I otta show her Urotsukidoji
people being b0ned til they explode in a spray of guts
once I showed my innocent peaceful gentle pure hearted gf the youtube video "opera of splatter"
7 mins of gory clips from horror films
she saw it all and wasn't disturbed by it
my mom would queer out of watching it
even though its all faKE SPECIAL EFFECTS
eyes don't pop out of a head like dat
I otta show her RIKI-OH
she'd have an episode from all the head busting and organ removal
so the mom feels she was adopted
one guy mentions a chick who got away with many icings
the mom reacts to it
then the radio sez a kid bit it at the place her kid was
turns out its some boy
she comes home and the mom (like most moms) is overprotective and worries too much
the the albino girl is cool with it
and found it fun
I have f'd up dreams like being shredded by gunfire or nuked or me slicing people up or e busting open heads
my mom thinks its wrong
I like having nightmares
its fun to talk about
I see how chichi and gohan do in dbz
not bulma
shes a sl-t
the greasy guy sez the girl don't feel sorry
the girl sez "why should I feel sorry?" cuz she didn't bite it
nowadays people would suspect the girl f being autistic
although many people in animal supremacist and environmental groups don't care if people bite it(but have freakouts when a rat gets microwaved)
later the teacher comes over and sez the penmanship medal is missing
the albino was seen going after the medal the boy won and at the pier where his corpse was found
the teacher thinks the albino made a mistake and hints she might've done something
why are the blondes always seen as the bad guys?
what about princess peach, princess zelda, sailor moon/Venus/Uranus, the blonde in gx, the escaflowne blondes, dana from Robotech, the princess from Voltron, cutey honey, Barbie and she-ra?
the teacher says she don't want the albino at their school
the mom of the killed kid comes in and is busted up over it
she sez the medal couldn't have came off by itself
after a tirade she sez shes drunk and goes home
the dad calls but the mom sez shes doing well
the geezer lady comes over to get the albino' locket fixed
but the mom finds the gold medal from the killed kid
the mom confronts the albino over it but she changes the subject
she sez she don't know how it got there
the mom don't buy her cr-p and she keeps playing innocent and saying things contrary to evidence
she blames others being against her for her not wanting to come clean b4
like losers saying its only "internet trolls" that made the ghostbusters remake trailer the most disliked thing on youtube
the mom asks if she was responsible for someone else biting it for having something she wanted
the mom tries to call the killed kids mom but she aint home yet
while doing so the albino freaks out
later the dad sends the albino a tea set
the albino plays with the tea set outside and the greasy guy (who looks like a rotted michael j fox) sez he knows she iced the kid
she says its all lies and evil(like global warming commies)
he figured out she beat the boy with a stick and washed it off
she denies it but he sez blood cant be washed off
she gets nervous
hes sneaky too but not a killer
like in Devilman how akira is bad a55 but not evil
or violence jack how jack is bad a55 but not evil
and they chop up the real baddies
the girl asks the mom if they can find traces of blood on stuff but when she suggests they ask the teacher the girl freaks out
this guy comes in and he looks like a discount greg peck
hes nice to the girl and later talks with the mom about her dad being good at catching killers
she asks if kids ever murder and he sez yes
they debate nature vs nurture and the girls dad shows up
the discount greg peck is a writer
the mom wants to be a writer
the discount greg peck suggests some are born w/o a conscience or guilt and can kill with ease
I think law and order had a few eps about that
you cant grow a soul
The Bible says we may be sinners but can be saved by love from the Lord
We all heard of serial killers finding the Lord and turning good
but were any of those born wrong?
this is a deep movie
or my ramblings are deep
I'm pretty intelligent when not joking about b0ning
they mention a woman who got away with icing a lot and just kept running off or twisting the jury into not guilty
they mention her having a little girl
the mom sez to her dad shes been worried about being adopted
I know adopted people
most are ok
shes worried about if her daughter inherited some evil gene as shes not sure of her heritage
dna determines some things but we are who we choose to be
the dad sez shes his kid and she accepts it
the dad and daughter have a tender moment but then he admits she was found in a place when she was 2
my 1st memory was me b4 2
she tells about her 1st memory of a farm house and wandering away
she regains more and shes ingold denker
the daughter of the serial killer
this movie seems to promote not letting those with bad genes breeding
aka; evolution
seems that evil skips a generation
I actually take after my grandparents a bit
a lot
oh, her dads a newspaperman
the dad looks a bit like Mathew Broderick and Robert de niro
he did books
the geezer lady read his books til they broke
this movie is like cat people
not much happens onscreen but its got good stuff
at night the mom intercepts the girl trying to burn something
after a fight she finds its the shoes with metal heels
she busted his skull with em
after prying, the girl reveals she beat the boy to get the medal
then kept beating him to shut him up
then beat his hands as he tried to climb up
the girl tries to act as if nothing happened and manipulate the mom with sweet talk
the mom asks about abouth wacking and the girl sez she did something on purpose(I wasn't listening_)
the mom has her burn the shoes
the greasy guy and girl have back and forth
he tells her of getting the chair
when she sez they don't give kids the chair he sez they got little blue and pink chairs for kids
after noticing shes not wearing her metal shoes, he deduces she killed the kid with his shoes
when she sez she burned em he sez he saved em
after some anger he sez hes just f ing with her
the mom comes in and the girl outs his claim
this is really good
like law and order
they go and he finds the shoes in the furnace
she goes to get a popsicle from the ice cream man and takes a lighter or something
Halloween 5 was gonna have the little girl and uncle Michael Meyers as a team of killers
they changed it to keep it from being too f'd
but 30 years b4 they had this
maybe the girl could've used the curse mark to magic and crawl up peoples butts and burst outta em like in alien?
then the killed kids mom comes in drunk
she wants to talk 2 da girl but the girls out
she returns and the drunk mom seems friendly
she asks the girl if she thinks her son won the medal or cheeted
the mom takes the girl away and the drunk keeps drinking
she reveals she knows the girl knows something
the mom sez the drunk mom isn't welcome anymore and after some tirades, the drunks husband comes over
I feel bad for em
plus I nearly died a lot as a baby and kid
they leave and the mom calls her husband
the geezer lady sez she let the girl have another popsicle
then sez shes not a "fat self indulgent blob"
but then theres screams for help
the greasy guy was locked in his basement and fires were set
his grease probably made him burn harder
the mom has a breakdown and the girl plays piano
she knows the girl is evil but its her daughter
what to do?
most times, serial killers get the chair
or the gas
or the guillotine
or the gallows
the mom sez she threw the shoe metal in the river
the girl takes pills and juice and sed she started the fire
but then sez its her victims fault for saying he'd out her
that's bad logic right there
only a serial killer or commie would think that way
I had to kill him to stop him from doing right
only liars fear or hate or are offended by the truth
the mom reads her a story as she goes to sleep
the mom sez she loves her and wont let "them" take her away or lock her up
if you cant do the time, don't do the crime!
she goes to the other room and we hear a bang
then the dad comes in and cant get why she did it
its revealed she gave the evil kid a deadly dose of sleeping pills
then capped herself
but the girl was saved since they found her in time from hearing the shot
sorry for not much commentary on this
its good and theres not much to jab
the mom muttered "a bad seed" and her dad sez its about kids inheriting evil
then sez its not true
then comments on "the little girl"
at night the girl sez she's going for a sunbath (w/e dat is) with the geezer lady and is gonna get her bird when she bites it
at night its stormy and she gets on her raincoat and goes out at night for a walk
if this were today she'd get b0ned dead by some drug dealers
btw were this filmed today it would've showed the moms head busting from the shot
she is alive and calls the dad and asks for forgiveness
he agrees
the girl goes out to the place the shoe metal was thrown but gets blowed up by lightneing
the end
but 1st the narrator goes through the cast showing them with him saying their real and character names
then the mom a55 spanks the kid and the ending text sez not to spoil the ending
f dat
I hate when reviews don't say how it goes
but this was a good film
oh and its fullscreen
I like dat
no black bars eating the screen
for the bad seed 2 I'd like for the daughter to be a teen and have survived being blowed up by lightening but is a cripple. also the mom is a cripple and they both are still killing people but are really sneaky about it. also the killer who is the real mom of the mom tracks her down and stars eating pieces of her to regain her youth so she can breed more and make more demon kids.

Tuesday, June 21, 2016

Anna And The King Of Siam Review

note; yeah my typinings bad. but you love it
anna and the king of siam
this is my review on the king of siam
I know they made a musical of it called the king and I
but this is the uncut true story
they didn't tone down the darker cr-p for a general audience
think good yugioh to yugioh arcv
people bit it
not "sealed in cards"
we get crow back but not anna?
crow s-cked!
and anna's replacement doesn't even use anna's high level cards.
get aids arc v
so we get some tital text like star wars and it sez in da 1860s
the king of siam has a chick from england come over to teach his kids english
it also sez the country is barbaric
typical britmo's
feeling superiority over anyone different
so the king has a harem of 1000 chix and he b0nes em all
after some q/a with the staff she findas women dont have much rights there
and she was kinda b--chy to the staff
later she sez sorry
they meet this big buff guy and whines about not getting her own place
she don't wanna live in the palace
why not?
the buff guy explains they have more important sh-t and shes gonna gotta wait
later she goes mental over not wanting to sleep in a bed w/o her own sheets on it
this is why people don't like foreigners
they don't wanna be real citizens but just wanna turn the new country into the old one
this film promotes negative stereotypes of gaijin
later the woan is shown the custom to greet the king
but she don't like it
and since the whole country revolves around her, she wants to do her own thing
if you don't like a country you aint being forced to live there!
either poop or get off the pot!
her son wants to follow tradition but his mom don't want him to
she meets the king and he asks her age
she sez 150
but the max human lifespan now is 120
he tests her and trumps her lies
he finds shes not afraid and likes it
he shows her his wives and some have big butts
also he wants people in siam to speak English/be modern
then he brings his many children in
67 kids
that's a lot of b0ning
Genghis khan b0ned way more and had more kids
later on june 12 1862 the king goes mental on his birthday
a newspaper said hes a "spare" man
he thinks it means like extra
but the woman sez it also means thin
like boning up on pokemon
and b0ning pokemon
she goes mental over him not giving her a place of her own
what a b--ch
later she gets it
but she don't like it
what a b--ch
when in rome, do as the romans do
don't go to a pizza place and whine about wanting sushi
while teaching some chix she finds 1 woman knows some English from Christian missionaries
she teaches em phrases that promote her crusade on the king
later the king (not elvis or bb) gets gifts from people and 1 is a chick
also he sees an English quote on a thing from englin\d about honor
his son sez stuff the teacher taught him
propaganda views against his work
later the king finds Cambodia joined the frenchies
although I hate having to press C 3x to get to Canada on country lists
Cambodia and Cameroon can get out
the king sez theres nothing to be done
the buff guy sez hes the one who got the king to be king and he was in a monastary
and that Europe is after his countries a55
he gives the woman a house cuz hes sick of putting up wth her sh-t
he should've had her a55 whipped
but she sez she don't want it cuz shes a b--ch
she tries to leave but some fat chix grab her
the buff guy asks her to stay in siam and sez the king is lonley
he seems like a good ruler
like napoleon or zee kaizer
not those brit butts
the buff guy sez the king tries hard to be strong like his dad but also has to be modern to keep up with the Europeans trying to take over
Europe thinks they are barbaric and want to rule em
funny, the opening called it barbaric
later the wo man is teaching English and 1 chick has a monkey
she wants to kick the monkey girl out but the girl is brave
shes the new fave of the king
also the prince is confused reading a book saying the world is round
he sez it rids the back of a huge turtle who keeps it from running into stars
her son gave the prince the book
later this older chick (the princes mom) talks with the womam
then the son and prince fought
the prince said the boy wasn't a man for saying sorry to a woman
later the king calls the woman to him in the middle of the night
its cuz he thinks bad of Moses for saying in the Holy Bible that the earth was made in 6 days
and he's an evolutionist!!
she tries to explain it w/o really choosing a side
she goes back to her room whining about being woke up at 3 am
B I G A P P L E 3 A M
but she hears a baby crying
the next day she talks to the monkey girl about her slave
the woman holding the baby who was chained up
the monkey girl sez the slave tried to escape
and shes jealous over the slave having a husband who she loves and the monkey girl has to b0ne the king
the woman goes to the king but the conversation turns to her showing disrespect in his countries way
holding her head higher than his
she refuses to use the customs of the country she's in
she whines about the king being above the law
when the brits worship their regent and give her superior rights no brits whine
the king points out the queen has high rights but she claims she follows the law
yeah she never had anyone wacked
then they talks about lincon
but wasn't he the bad guy?
I mean hows the confederates different than George Washington?
the king sides with lincon and when he finds theres no elephants in america, sends a letter to lincon
he wants to send a buncha pairs of male elephants to start a population in amerioca to give americans a chance to hunt and catch and train em
I don't think that's how breeding works
unless he means hermaphrodite elephants
this country has slave owners rights and america is fighting over several things(including slave owners rights)
yet he sides with lincon
the monkey girl goes mental over the king listening to the woman over her and smashes something expensive
later lincon sends a letter to the king saying they don't want his elephants
its probably cuz they were gay
since he wanted to send pairs of male elephants
later a mr ed ramsey is coming over and the king worries the guy will think hes a barbarian
also the king intercepted the mail and found brits think hes a barbarian
he wants the ed ramsey to see his place as compatible with europeans
so he has women dress in big poofy dresses
but they go commando
and the woman don't think its good
so he makes undies
also he has forks and knifes and spoons made
under pressure of workers getting beat 100x
were there unions in charge nothing would be done in time
later all these people arrive for a dinner
he has some interesting and borderline autistic thoughts in conversation
he later has good dinner conversation offscreen
then has a show of Siamese history done in dance
during it the napkins arrive even though diner is over
and he hands em out
later somethings going on
the monkey girl ran away offscreen and was recently found
she was out b0ning a young Buddhist priest or w/e
she claims they didn't know she was a chick
sounds like a springer ep
the priest was whipped and the monkey girl sez she was gonna marry him but was got by the king
she claims she never b0ned him and they have her whipped since they don't believe her
the woman interferes and the king says he approved it
was this in the king and I?
I never saw dat
the woman sez she wants the woman to have a trial
but the king sez; I am da law! like he's judge dredd
the wo man goes on a wordy monologue/tirade to guilt him into changing his mind
he don't all for it and wants to make her watch him b0ming the monkey girl dead
the priest and monkey girl aRe BURNED At the stake together
pretty sure that was censored in the king and I
they disney'd it!
like the hunchback of notre dame where no one bites it
imagine them doing hamlet
later shes gonna skip town but the chix give her a letter saying thanx
the princes mom tells a story of how her wall paper tells her story
its kinda lion king like about life and reproduction
the princes mom sez if she helped him the prince(or maybe kin)(no its prince) could've advanced beyond his dad
then a horse falls and some kid riding bites it
I think its the womans son
the king writes a royal thing saying sept 12 is a day to remember the kid
and the woman gets a title
the buff guy sez te king is trying to say sorry about the woman he torched
sorry for the1st time in his life
the prince offers to give back an item the son gave him
but the mom sez its his
so the prince offers his white elephant to her since he never gave the son anything
this is a great movie
it has heart
when talking with the king she crys and hes nice to her
later we get a montage for a few years of her talking with people and setting up consilates
then it turns out the king was ill and has a long scene of him with the woman
they drag it out like with opimus prime in transformers the movie
he thanks her for saying the truth to her even when he didn't wanna hear it
good advice
if you love someone, don't hide the truth from em
be honest even if they deny it and are hiding from truth
then he bites it and the woman sez no one got him and he was caring
the prince ascends to king
he ends the custom of being lower than the king
I thoughts the prince bites it
must be thinking of something else
the end
I liked this
its good
but I should watch the king and I to compare
for anna and ther king of siam 2 I'd like for the 21st century king of siam to use a necromancer to contact her for advice and she sez to take over the world. he does so and uses advanced weapons made from black arts and they dominate the local area. but it turns out that the anna the necromancer contacted was really a daemon who took her form and wanted to blight the world with evil.

Saturday, June 18, 2016

The Old Man And The Sea Review

note; u know the drill, bad typing
the old man and the sea
this is my review on the old man and the sea (1958 ver)
its got spencer tracey
and its by Hemmingway or something
I recall he blew his brains out
ooh, its I\n color
aw, its wideascreen
it starts with colorful images of nature and water like the 86 fist of the north star movie
this old dude hasn't caught any fish for 84 days
1984 is when fist of the north star started
also this young boy who helped him fish went to another boat
he takes his boat stuff and goes home
then the kid and the man have beer
kids drinking?
you cant even show that in shows nowadays
naruto censored rock lee getting hammered in the dub
I hear this film is set in cuba
I assume its b4 the commies took over
back to beer
one guy I was talking to (who's ok with abortion) was disturbed by European parents giving their kids a bit of wine
said; it can cause damage
kinda ironic
at night the man wants the kid to go to the other boat
they talk a bit and the kid goes home
nowadays an old man hanging out with a young boy would be seen as suspect
back then in da 50s people were less lusty and had cleaner minds
at this bar the kid has only 60 cents
that was a lot in the 50s
the kid returns at sundown and the man is sleeping
he calls him "old man"
don't people have names?
they talk about baseball and horses offscreen
he wants to take tjhis guy called DiMaggio fishing
I assume they mean the guy who played bender on futurama
the kid wonders why geezers wake up early
the old man(I will call geezer now) dreams of his African childhood
boating and being by the sea
the ocean terrifies me
its a boundless abyss
an infinite void
they lose ur body they, its never getting found
might as well be in space
wait, I think I said that in a previous review
early the geezer wakes up and gets the boy
its been like 20 mins and nothing happened
plus most of the story is told by a narrator
they and the other fishermen bring their boat masts to the boats and go out to sea
how long is this movie?
they go in different boats (wait, da boy stays on land) as da sun comes out homie
I hear a 7000lb great white was caught in cuba in the 50s
el monstro
this like a freakin dinosaur!
the narrator describes the geezers fishing style and he later sees a bird
this is like reading someones twitter
just normal things and thoughts and actions
a big a55 fish catches his line and he uses his hands to let the line go out
wont that cut off his fingers?
after a while of him talking to himself he sez he wants the fish to eat the hook and it to shank its heart
the fish pulls the geezers boat by the line
he wraps the line behind his back
its gonna cut him in half like in ghost ship
4 hours later this fish is still pulling
later its sundown and hes still pulling and suspecting what kind of fish or its backstory and gender
he relates to the fish as both are out there alone and in the far sea
later a separate fishing pole breaks and he cuts the line
he hooks a line on his baby toe but the fish jerks and he falls in his boat
he sez to the fish he loves/respects him but will ice him
once at high school I was eating a burger and had a thought that almost ruined it
what was the cow like when it was alive?
thankfully I wasn't turned vegan
those guys aint right
he kees talking the the fish that's deep underwater
as a kid when playing spider man vs the kingpin I was facing venom and yelled at the tv to weaken his symbiote like it would have an effect
the line cuts the geezers hand
maybe if you didn't hold a small rope with your bare hand it wouldn't happen
his hand is cramping up and then we get real footage of a sword fish or w/e jumping that don't really blend with the movie
also most of the movie is tracey imn front of a fake background with the camera moving up/down
later its raining and he sez eventhough hes not religious he's gonna say 10 Hail Mary's and 10 Our Father's to catch the fish
also he's gonna go to a place to pray to a Saint
he recalls his armwrestling a big black guy years ago for like 30 hours
this is like saint seiya  with warriors fighting for weeks at a time
he wins against the black guy
I assume it wasn't like in yugioh where the winner gets to live
offscreen he catches a dolphin and eats it
I hear dolphin isn't very good
maybe with some miso soup and good tempura it would be
oh and wasabi
love wasabi
once I was having sushi with my yugioh homie and he said
do you dare me to eat this wasabi?
then I dare myself(eats it) mmmmmmhhhhhhhhhhh!!!
good times]
after like another full day he's still gone w/o sleep
he needs pepsi
maybe mountain dew
he rests with his arm on the line and has various dreams
like whales b0ning
I was once watching a doc on whale reproduction(whale p0rn0) and it showed the right whae with its 9 foot tentacle d0ng
also once I saw a whale autopsy and this he a55 whae was being lifed on a crane and its d0ng came out
maybe that's where la blue girl gets it?
so the geezer wakes up and the fush s jumping around like a hyper kid who just heard the power rangers intro
its clearly tracey's hands in front of recorded footage of a big a55 fish
they also reuse the same clip
if he had a gun he could just cap the fish
the fish fills its sacs with air and wont dive deep
did spencer tracey stay up for 3 days to film this?
day 3; he's still at it
once I was playing "high seas havoc" on sega and its a really hard (but awesome) game
rather than turn it off and start over, I just left my sega on for like over 40 hours with me taking sleep whiz and food breaks
the geezer sees the fish as a giant he size of a freakin dinosaur
his eyes are giving out
one i had an epic clash!
for over 20 hours i faced advance wars 2
no sleep. no rest. just playing and occasionally taking breaks to whiz or shovel snow w/o a shirt or socks.
i faced that final battle over and over. trying different things.
i reset and got a feeling; this is it.
i was burning out. my eyes couldnt focus. i was making mistakes.
but i busted his D ray and the dialogue started.
did i win? i won... i wonnnnnn!!
grand game with a worthy challenge
so thr geezer catches the fish and shanks it with a spear
its pretty big
then a shark comes fr his fish
he shanks it with a harpoon(with real footage of a shark getting shanked)
eat that PETA!
fanatical animal gutter supremacists
the big fish was cut up by da shark and bled
so more sharks are coming
he makes a spear with a blade tied to a stick
then more sharks attack
nowadays he'd be the bad guy for killing fish
it shows real shaRKS getting shanked and gushing blood
bad a55
like in men behind the sun how they used real corpses for their dismemberment scenes
he then gets a stick and beats the sharks
he should collect the sharks and eat em
after the fight he sez hes sorry to the fish for going out too far
but the fish is da one who pulled him
in men behind the sun they had farmers collect rats for a scene where they eat a cat(lick bloodcolored honey off it)
later they set the rats on fire
the farmers were happy
what else would they do? release em back on the farms to blight the people?
later more sharks come
he fights but his bod gives out
the fish eat the big a55 fish and he comes home with a big a55 fish head and its huge skeleton
make weapons out of those bones
its night and he walks home but is wiped out
the boy comes in and puts a blanket on him
why didn't the man cut off chunks of the fish and keep em in his boat?]
in the AM the boat people measure the fish bones
the boy brings the geezer coffee
hes down but the boy stands up and gives him a confidence boost
later the geezer is dreaming of lions in Africa
the end
for the old man and the sea 2 I'd like the boy top have grown up and is trying to be a fisherman but the big gov and animal rights groups are trying to ban fishing since they care more about animals that would eat them instead of people who have souls. not wanting to lose his way of life, the boy starts a human supremacy group to promote human rights and show humans are the one true ultimate life form on earth. this leads to attacks by animal rights groups who want to ban anything involving animals saying since they banned cockfighting it set a precedent that animals can have supremacy over humans.

Friday, June 10, 2016

The Killer Shrews Review

note; your used to my bad typing
the killer shrews
this is my review foer the killer shrews
I hear its pretty bad
I hope so
I like bad films
I haven't seen this b4 so this is a new experience for me
although sometomes watching a film a few times gives insight
he 1st tiome I saw violence jack slumking (1986) I loved it
but each time after I noticed more and more errors
it starts with a science lesson on shrewz being the most vicious anuimal around
then mentions the "giant killer shrew"
after the opening credits it goes to 2 guys driving a boat
they go to some island and notice a strange trail
they then meet a few people including a man and his adult dauighter
its always a guy amnd his daughter
as they aint leaving the captain or skipper or w/e stays there and his black guy worker starts unloading
he notices somwetjhong weird about their place
something about a huirricane
the dad sez they are self sufficient there and have cows for milk
the boat guy then meets a nerdy looking dr
but he seems more like he's faking nerdyness
like superman
its said the dr works on genetics and isd only interested in his project
does he have autism?
he works on animal size and metabolism
and sez f we were half opur size we'd live 2x as long
my moms gramma was 4'6 and made it to almost 100
Lillian gish wasn't tall and lived long
and the last survivors of the wizard of oz were midgets
the girl invites the captain for dinner
the dr has a 28 month old shrew with low metabolism
the captain asks how big they get but the dad gets suspicious
btw the film is in proper fullscreen
no black bars
the dad tlks about shrew eating habits
they eat 3x their weight every 254 hours or starve
they also eat bones
I;'m learngning
wow, 15 mins went by
it didn't feel like it
a storm begins to happen
the girl talks about leaving a cage open and the guy she's talking to is sickl f being called a drunk
then quit drinking!
she talks to the casptain but the drunk returns
oh, she and the drunk are engafed
meanwhile the black guy shoots at an unseen thing and runs
he climbs a tree but these animals come or him
the black guy always bites it in these films
the drunk sez hes gonna do the expeiments with the dad but no ne will stop him
then the tree he's I falls and the monsters getv the black guy
lightning hits a tree and falls
the captaimn wants to go out but the girl sez no one goes out after dark
she tells him about shrews and sez theyre awful
I think Canada geese are worse
hope they go extinct
she sez theres killer shrews the size of a wolf out there and theyre huingry
and theres 300 of em
like the number of guys in that speedo movie
the dad comes in and tells him theyre experiments made shrews grow and they escaped
then they started breeding
they tried to wipe em out and they only come out at night to feed unless hungry
he's hoping they eat eacjother
the girl talks with da captain and he wants to take her from the island
but the shrwews have got the livestock
they dug under the dirt floor to get past the fence
as the island is isolated the dad didn't think the gov or military is needed
also they cant swim
this is starting to sound like Jurassic park
they plan to leave the next day as its night now
later the drunk talks with the Italian guy and they work together for their own schemes
reminds me of Robotech II The Sentinels how T R Edwards works with Benson
as the drunk is drunk, he has the Italian (named Mario) take his turn to patrol but to get the drunk instead of the captain
he wants to be a manly man
after he closes a window with string, the Italian tells the captain a sherw got in and is in the celler
the captain gets his gun and they go into the celler
they look around to dramatic music but the shrew mauls the Italians leg
the shrew (which looks bad a55) is capped
the other guys come down but the Italian bites it
but he didn't bleed out
the shrew bites are toxic
and they r mutants who gained new abilities
the girl is revealed to be a zoologist who studies diet
turns out the dad put poison to kill the shrews but they gained it as a power up
so they are like the symbiote from spider man]
or rogue from xmen
the captain plans to use the dead shrew as bait so they can get to the boat
but nothing happens when they do
the captain goes out but the drunk holds him at gunpoint to let the shrews get hijm
but he fights him off and gets the gun
they get to the boat but the blackguy isn't there
the drunk canrt swin and wont go back sio he wants the captain to give him a gun
being smart, he don't
they find the black guy's clothes
good use of a forest setting
the shrews are coming so he gives the drunk a gun
they run back to the back but the drunk gets in 1st and keeps the captain out
so he climbs the wall and beats ump the drunk
a sheew gets in and bites the dr so they cap it
the dr bites it and they clost the door to the kitchen where theres more of em
the drunk starts freakimn out so the captain slaps his a55 around
then shrews start to come inthrough wall weakpoints
so they cover em with furniture
they escape to a shed or something and find chemical drums as armor to escape in
as in hiding in em and using them to defend themselves
they start welding em together but a sherew come in
so her blowtjorches it
I can see the animal rights commies going mental over this
they finish the drum thing but the drunk wants to stay behind and fight from the roof
they get in the drum tank and open the gate with string
then they do the duck walk to get to the beach as the shrews attack
I notice the chick looks a bit like the blonde from Jurassic park
they start tiring out so the guy does most of the work
why not rest fort a bit?
the drunk runs and gets swarmed and devoured
the chick gets het bot took buy the shrews
thery get to the water and swim to the boat
the dad sez in 24 hours the shrews will eat eachother
and that its cuz of overpopulation
the captain sez he wont worry about overpopulation just yet
then makes out with the guys daughter
that means they're gonna breed!
maybe they were b0ning in the boat in front of the dad in the real version
well... he's European SO HE must be used to it
the end
I liked this
its an ok film with good tropes of the era
nothing to really hate
for the killer shrews 2 I'd like for the girl to be pregnant with the captains kid and has really tubbed up. but it turns out she's been infected with shrew dna from the boot swiping and shes gotten pregnant with a shrewman baby. also theres shrews who have eaten birds and whales and gained flight and swimming powers and have escaped the island to eat and absorb more abilities until they become grotesque chimeric abominations and only the shrewman can take em on with its advanced growth rate(also its a female shrewman and is a curvy furry)