Friday, June 10, 2016

The Killer Shrews Review

note; your used to my bad typing
the killer shrews
this is my review foer the killer shrews
I hear its pretty bad
I hope so
I like bad films
I haven't seen this b4 so this is a new experience for me
although sometomes watching a film a few times gives insight
he 1st tiome I saw violence jack slumking (1986) I loved it
but each time after I noticed more and more errors
it starts with a science lesson on shrewz being the most vicious anuimal around
then mentions the "giant killer shrew"
after the opening credits it goes to 2 guys driving a boat
they go to some island and notice a strange trail
they then meet a few people including a man and his adult dauighter
its always a guy amnd his daughter
as they aint leaving the captain or skipper or w/e stays there and his black guy worker starts unloading
he notices somwetjhong weird about their place
something about a huirricane
the dad sez they are self sufficient there and have cows for milk
the boat guy then meets a nerdy looking dr
but he seems more like he's faking nerdyness
like superman
its said the dr works on genetics and isd only interested in his project
does he have autism?
he works on animal size and metabolism
and sez f we were half opur size we'd live 2x as long
my moms gramma was 4'6 and made it to almost 100
Lillian gish wasn't tall and lived long
and the last survivors of the wizard of oz were midgets
the girl invites the captain for dinner
the dr has a 28 month old shrew with low metabolism
the captain asks how big they get but the dad gets suspicious
btw the film is in proper fullscreen
no black bars
the dad tlks about shrew eating habits
they eat 3x their weight every 254 hours or starve
they also eat bones
I;'m learngning
wow, 15 mins went by
it didn't feel like it
a storm begins to happen
the girl talks about leaving a cage open and the guy she's talking to is sickl f being called a drunk
then quit drinking!
she talks to the casptain but the drunk returns
oh, she and the drunk are engafed
meanwhile the black guy shoots at an unseen thing and runs
he climbs a tree but these animals come or him
the black guy always bites it in these films
the drunk sez hes gonna do the expeiments with the dad but no ne will stop him
then the tree he's I falls and the monsters getv the black guy
lightning hits a tree and falls
the captaimn wants to go out but the girl sez no one goes out after dark
she tells him about shrews and sez theyre awful
I think Canada geese are worse
hope they go extinct
she sez theres killer shrews the size of a wolf out there and theyre huingry
and theres 300 of em
like the number of guys in that speedo movie
the dad comes in and tells him theyre experiments made shrews grow and they escaped
then they started breeding
they tried to wipe em out and they only come out at night to feed unless hungry
he's hoping they eat eacjother
the girl talks with da captain and he wants to take her from the island
but the shrwews have got the livestock
they dug under the dirt floor to get past the fence
as the island is isolated the dad didn't think the gov or military is needed
also they cant swim
this is starting to sound like Jurassic park
they plan to leave the next day as its night now
later the drunk talks with the Italian guy and they work together for their own schemes
reminds me of Robotech II The Sentinels how T R Edwards works with Benson
as the drunk is drunk, he has the Italian (named Mario) take his turn to patrol but to get the drunk instead of the captain
he wants to be a manly man
after he closes a window with string, the Italian tells the captain a sherw got in and is in the celler
the captain gets his gun and they go into the celler
they look around to dramatic music but the shrew mauls the Italians leg
the shrew (which looks bad a55) is capped
the other guys come down but the Italian bites it
but he didn't bleed out
the shrew bites are toxic
and they r mutants who gained new abilities
the girl is revealed to be a zoologist who studies diet
turns out the dad put poison to kill the shrews but they gained it as a power up
so they are like the symbiote from spider man]
or rogue from xmen
the captain plans to use the dead shrew as bait so they can get to the boat
but nothing happens when they do
the captain goes out but the drunk holds him at gunpoint to let the shrews get hijm
but he fights him off and gets the gun
they get to the boat but the blackguy isn't there
the drunk canrt swin and wont go back sio he wants the captain to give him a gun
being smart, he don't
they find the black guy's clothes
good use of a forest setting
the shrews are coming so he gives the drunk a gun
they run back to the back but the drunk gets in 1st and keeps the captain out
so he climbs the wall and beats ump the drunk
a sheew gets in and bites the dr so they cap it
the dr bites it and they clost the door to the kitchen where theres more of em
the drunk starts freakimn out so the captain slaps his a55 around
then shrews start to come inthrough wall weakpoints
so they cover em with furniture
they escape to a shed or something and find chemical drums as armor to escape in
as in hiding in em and using them to defend themselves
they start welding em together but a sherew come in
so her blowtjorches it
I can see the animal rights commies going mental over this
they finish the drum thing but the drunk wants to stay behind and fight from the roof
they get in the drum tank and open the gate with string
then they do the duck walk to get to the beach as the shrews attack
I notice the chick looks a bit like the blonde from Jurassic park
they start tiring out so the guy does most of the work
why not rest fort a bit?
the drunk runs and gets swarmed and devoured
the chick gets het bot took buy the shrews
thery get to the water and swim to the boat
the dad sez in 24 hours the shrews will eat eachother
and that its cuz of overpopulation
the captain sez he wont worry about overpopulation just yet
then makes out with the guys daughter
that means they're gonna breed!
maybe they were b0ning in the boat in front of the dad in the real version
well... he's European SO HE must be used to it
the end
I liked this
its an ok film with good tropes of the era
nothing to really hate
for the killer shrews 2 I'd like for the girl to be pregnant with the captains kid and has really tubbed up. but it turns out she's been infected with shrew dna from the boot swiping and shes gotten pregnant with a shrewman baby. also theres shrews who have eaten birds and whales and gained flight and swimming powers and have escaped the island to eat and absorb more abilities until they become grotesque chimeric abominations and only the shrewman can take em on with its advanced growth rate(also its a female shrewman and is a curvy furry)

1 comment:

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