Wednesday, February 27, 2019

The One Review

note; I spell like they do in other universes
the one
this is my review on the one from 2001
its got jet li, Jason srtatham and archie kao who was the blue ranger in power rangers lost galaxy and the hills have eyes 2
people say this movie s-cked
I saw it once and thought it wasn't too bad
it starts with cops suiting up for a mission
they get jet li outta a cell and as they bring him, a guy throws a kunai at him
it looks like theyre trying to protect him but jet's faceplate gets a bullet hole and the cops open fire
they shred the airvents and out comes another jet li who is like dragon ball strong as he dodges bullets and beats em down
its cool how they show him moving at faster speeds than the humans
how'd they do dat?
so he runs down a highway at night like sonic adventure 2 and goes after the cop car with the other jet li
I just rewatched it and it turns out the jet li the cops were guarding got iced and the other jet li was running away
so Jason catches him at gunpoint but jet uses a machine to send em through a worm hole
I think it was jet li
maybe Jason did it
i'm watching this in bad quality on youtube
they land in a silver sci fi area and jet li is arrested
turns out he's been killing other reality versions of himself and is charged with much murder
isn't it more of a suicide??
a black guy talks to jet but I cant hear it cuz da sound on this vid s-cked
its all static
so they strap jet in this chair and are gonna teleport him to some prison dimension
the hades dimension
are they sending him to h-ll??
oh and this is directed by the guy who did a few final destination movies and dragonball evolution
jet sez he will be the one (like tha matrix?) and this blonde chick releases a white mouse
the mouse blows and jet breaks put and kills everyone
then escapes in a worm a55 hole to some other universe
I think Yugioh arc v ripped this off
parallel universe guys trying to absorb eachother and sh-t
at least the main hero isn't a candya55 like yuya
then these cops take this guy outta jail in protective custody and a guy gets a kunai thrown at him
only jet li is one of the cops now
a guy in the vents opens fire and the cops ice him
they don't
its the bad jet and he gets away
and last jet sees him
hes the last jet li the bad jet didn't ice
bad jet jumps over a wall and last jet climbs over it
only to be shot by bad jet
good thing for his vest
b4 bad jet finishes him, the other cops open fire and he gets away
later last jet sees his gf and they chat but I cant hear it cuz youtube s-cked a55 after google gacy'd it
both good and bad jets do kung fu but their styles are different
good jet is more graceful and bad jet is more rough
later at a hospital or cop station or w/e good jet chats with 2 guys and his gf
using wikepedoA I found for the last few years, good jet is getting stronger faster and more alive than ever b4
like an action master transformers
they got da pow er
so they run tests and hes afraid of his reflexxion
jet gives his gf his ring and a medallion and they hug
oh its to do an MRI
the guys from b4 who I think r his cop homies are worried about him and in da mri bad jet shows up
but Jason and friend come in
theres a gunfight and bad jet dodges bullets
bad jet trys to ice good jet but good jet and him fight
also bad jets gun gets caught in the mri
also bad jet is in black and good jet is in white
Jason and homie catch jet at gunpoint but cant kill him
bad jet gets away and the hospital camera don't catch him
good jet changes into his black outfit and his cop homies think hes the bad guy
a dr trys to needle his a55 but he counters and kung fu fights em into being tied up and gets away
his gf helped him and tells him to run
Jason and homie talk and according to wikipedea, cant kill either jet as the surviver would be the one and it could f up the universe
also bad jet hid in a body bag and got out after things cooled down
then hopped an ambulance as the back doors aint locked while driving
Jason and homie split up and jet is now driving the ambulance
he gets out and Jason tails his a55 but bad jet beats him dowb and hods him at gunpoint
I think its this universe's Jason
wait, I think that was good jet
and the real Jason
as bad jet is held at gunpoint by jasons homie
Jason explains the situation and I think that theres like 120ish universes and each time a guy in 1 universe bites it, his ki goes to the others equally
so if bad jet ills all the other jets, he'd get all their ki
and good jet has half of it as hes the last one
if you get all the ki u become some kinda ubermench
btw this totally isn't highlander
so bad jet li drives bad and throws off jasons homie and they kung fu fight
but homie cant keep up with jet as he's got over 60x the ki other guys have and he easily kills his a55
but homie put up a good fight considering the advantage
homie trys to set off an item to end it but jet stops him and finishes his a55
then bad jjet gets his watch
jasons watch shows his homie got iced and he nearly iced good jet but don't
da cops see bad jet hads a bdy by him but he kicks their a55es hard
beating em with motorcycles and dodging bullits
like that simpsons ep where homer stars a biker gang
so gf and da cops come to jets home and after like 8 minutes of looking she finds jet in the ceiling
jet tells her to cap the other jet but the ceiling jet is the bad one
she senses it and pulls a gun on him
bad jet ices her and a cop and good jet sees him do so
the cops come in and he gets away
good jet runs and Jason gives him a lift
oh and Jason is part of the dimension cops
that sounds like a Yugioh card
they go to a gas station and jet kicks over a metal sign pole and gas station guy is this universes ver of jasons homie
so later jet and Jason go to a factory to stop bad jet
but he has that item homie tried to use on bad jet and it nukes the facotory
Jason goes on through the factory level and fights bad jet
he gets his a55 kicked
also just like in riki-oh bad jet punches a boiler and steam comes out
the good jet comes out cuz he was j-rkin off or w/e and faces bad jet
good editing btw
and good jet wears a lighter shirt
its pretty cool with them moving at different speeds
good jet nails bad jet and it look over
but bad jet gets up
round 2! fight!
I think they use each others kung fu styles and bad jet gets the edge
who don't Jason just shoot through bad jets leg?
so the factory is raining sparks cuz its cool and starts blowing into fire blasts
good jet gets an axe but bad jet gets it and nearly berrys the hatchet in his face
but stops and drags him away as he wants to do something
the factory is blowing and Jason sets up a worm hole to send em away
both jets are caught and go to the silver sci fi place
Jason 2
the dimension cops are gonna send a jet through but Jason sees he don't got a tan line from a ring so its the wrong one
they send the bad jet to h-ll and are gonna send good jet home
but he'd be jailed for bad jets crimes so Jason has him sent to another universe where he meets this universes version of his gf
meanwhile, bad jet is in this prison mortal kombat dimension and fights he other inmates as he sez hes nobodies b--ch
I assume they were gonna b0ne him
the end
that was pretty cool
simple plot
good ideas
jet li in a duel role was good as both and played em both different
even their kung fu was different
although jet li's real gf is in heaven or h-ll or w/e waiting for him and i'm not sure how that works with other universres
the fights were cool and the effects were good
its like a hard core power rangers
good turn of the millennium movie
I liked it
yeah its not got a forced lesson or moral or anything but its entertaining and bada55
not every movie has to be ben hur or birth of a nation
this was a cool action kung fu sci fi film
sorta like demolition man a bit
for the one 2 I want the bad jet li to have become a union boss to the inmates and started a union where they fight as one to overthrow the guards. they break out and go around killing their other universe selves to gain more power eventually the dimension cops gotta recruit good jet li to fight them as hes the only one strong enough to stand up to em. also he's been training his powers and can use his ki to attack and defend. its also a 16 bit beat em up on sega genesis, turbografx16, super Nintendo and Atari jaguar where you play as jet li and fight guys in various universes with various individual powers as they got more ki rom their other universe selfs manifested in their own way.

Sunday, February 24, 2019

Eegah! Review

note; I spell like caveman
this is my review on Eegah! from the 60s or w/e
its a vehicle for Arch Hall Jr wo was in Wild Guitar (which I loved) and was made by his dad or something
its rated one of the worst films ever
lest see if I think so
remember, I liked dragonball evolution and the Yugioh movie
so it starts in da desert then its a forest and we get cr-ppy letters on rocks with the title and credits to 60s-ish blues music or w/e
this looks like good cr-p i'd enjoy
then its the city at night and tis chick drives her april o'neil outfit yellow  car to a gas station to chat with arch
she flirts with him about her skimpy swim suit she bought and drives off
arch sez shes his chick, her dad writes adventure books and she likes swimming
so shes drving at night with the convertible down and theres no hair wind
then she runs into a caveman and blacks out
spoiler; cavemen were made up
creation science disproved em
caveman holds a dead animal with dubbed in sounds as she wakes up but faked being blacked out
a car comes by and caveman runs off
he looks pretty all compared to the car
but I don't think they used a fake car to make him look bigger
that would take effort
so arch jr comes over and shes freaked out
she sez she saw a giant
to be fair, some say cavemen might've been the crossbreeds of humans and fallen angels
and their kids were said to be huge
theres bones found all over the world of them that's covered up
look it up
there was a show on the history channel about it
later she's at dinner and no one buys it
arch plays his guy innocent and kind sorta like goku or something
girl sez in the bible there were giants and dad agrees
were this made today they'd bash it
later she sez to arch she felt caveman wouldnt hurt her and was kinda cute
to be fair, most guys like caveman chicks
look at joe and mac
da next day they go out looking for it and arch finds a big a55 footprint
they go on looking for it and dad says "watch out for snakes" but its badly dubbed in
they check the trax and he went to shadow mountain
what is this? ninja gaiden??
arch wants to send help but dad wants to go alone so he can wrote a book on it
later dads takes a chopper and sez he;d be back in 02 days
I think the area they filmed the chopper going in was used in star trek or power rangers
dad tells chopper guy to meet him tomorrow at 4 (on fox kids)
he goes looking and then we see caveman in the open and hes got an amish beard
dad finds a smoking campsite and cavemn shows up
dad trips and knocks himself out
wait, hes just saying "no! no!"
us the caveman gonna b0ne him?
the arch and gf are at da pool and gf is in a bikini that was to hot for the 50s but now is casual wear for music 5kanks
arch sings a song about Vicky even though his gf is named roxy
who takes a guitar to the pool?!
the song is pretty good though
dat 50s
later gf gets a call from chopper guy who sez he cant make it to pick up dad
so arch and gf go in his dune buggy
they dubbed in lines of them saying he's got water in his tires for traction
after driving around for a while, they get stuck, only to drive around more
they get to where dad was to meet em but he aint there
and its past 4 30
if they'[re 30 mins late hes probably gone
later its 9 and he still no so
also arch has sleeping bags and a gun for coyotes an mountain ligers
they go to bed even though its still clearly light out and arch sings but its dubbed in
also hes singing about a girl named Valerie
also is whistling but his mouth aint doing dat movement
after a bit of talk his transistor goes off and he has to hit it to stop it
that's animal abuse
as they sleep in clearely day, caveman comes by and loudly eats some cr-p
he finds girl but transistor goes off and cares him away
they wake up and find the club so arch throws it a few feet away
they drive off and find dads camera, talk a bit, and move on
they get to this plasce and he convinces her to stay baxck as he goes off with a gun
nowadays some feminist would whine about that
oh hay, a snake
now that line makes sense
eventualy caveman touches girl on the arm and she blacks out
maybe he used a pressure point to knock her out?
or used his ki?
as he gets her off, she hits da horn and arch runs over
but hes gone by then
then caveman takes her to Bronson cave or w/e they had that power rangers and batman and tar trek cr-p filmed
in there is dad and they reunite
also his collarbone is broken
and dad and caveman get along
cqveman sniffs her and likes her perfume
also he looks through her hair for lice
she tells caveman shes hungry to keep him from b0ning her
also his mummified relatives are there
also dad sez da entrance is blocked
huh, cavemans voice is a bit like daisuke gouri ort kenji utsumi fro,m fist of the north stare/dbz
also he introduces girl to the mummified
and gives her a hunk of meat on a bone to eat
and she drinks gross smokey water
and dad sez his name  might be eegah
eegah shoes her cr-ppy stick figure cave paintings
it looks like its made of chalk
1 includes her and his car
later she's filled up on sulfur water and dad sez its kept eegah alive for years
maybe he's using the water to turn her into one of his kind?
and dad sez teegahs the last of his kind and the last 1 b4 him bit it 50-100 years ago
that's in the slavery days!
I blame the president of the time: lincon!!
man, they used the camera angles to make eegag look taller
hes standing and they are sitting
and I think in `1 scene they are further away from camera
also I think he wants to b0ne her
later arch hall jr wakes up in a bush and girl wakes up in a cave
I think eegah b0ned her
eegah goes out and girl gives dad aspirin for his broken bone
she gives dad a shave even though hes got no hair besides a moustache
later eegah comes by and arch goes the other way just missing
as eegah comes back dad wants her to escape but she don't wanna leave him
to avoid being b0ned she sings
what is this? Robotech??
she then puts shaving creame on the eegah and cuts his amish beard
after arch hall jr nearly runs into a gila monster, she shaves eegah as he licks shaving cream off his face
after a make over she shows him a mirror and he seems interested
he comes onto her and she gives him her neck thing to sniff
she trys to get him to move da rock but he wants to b0ne her
she tries giving his stuff bit he wants her
dad; give him something else!
me; like ur butt virginity!!
he starts undressing her a bit but she sez her dad can see em
so eegah nearly busts dads head
but they go out
girl; i'll keep him so busy he'll forget the rock
me; 5kank!!
also me; shes gonna get caveman aids!!
btw they never show the rock blocking da cave
they go out and hes feeling her shoulders and peeling off her outfit
she seems to be liking it
then dad comes out and eegah shoves girls a55 down and b0nes him dead
archj hal jr comes by and caps the eegah
eegah picks up girl and walks on and arch helps dad, then follows
eegah sneak attax arch hall jr and busts his gun
arch socks him in da gut but it does little
so eegah back hands him out
arch trows a rock at eegah and hes out
arch saves girl and dubbed in says dads ok and waiting for em
they leave but eegah gets up
they reunite with dad but eegah is after em
and da car wont start
arch rigged it so no one could steal it
he fixes it and they drive off with eehah chasing em
they cant drive up a sand hill and go back past eegah who gets on almost
they drive away but girl feels for eegah and they ry to make it look sad
eegah goes home and is bummed and starts violently j-rkin off
jk he talks to his mummified homies and smells her scarf
he holds it to the mummified noses so they can smell and goes off
I gotta say I like the music in here
dat guitar strumming
although I felt had they ended the movie in that chase it would've worked
so he goes to da city and drinks out of a pool
but people pee in it!
a couple goes by and husband is drunk and wife throws his bottle away
he gets it and sees eegah and runs to her and blacks out
also he gives her his keys as he knows hes drunk now
in the city eegah cant get past glass to a mannequin
at home, girl helps dad with his tie
they talk about if they should reveal eegah or if its dangerous
then arch comes in and they go to a party
arch; I got my dads wheels tonight
dad; real ly? do they FIT on your CAR!?
such bad acting
I love it
so eegah goes in their place with edited in glassbreaking sound to fake a broken window door glass and  breaks a wood doore to get to another part
in this place he interrupts a party, eats a bite of cooked meet and throws a guy in the pool
they call da cops and arch and his band plays some cool song
also when arch 1st saw his gf in her dress he was impressed
yet he didn't care as much when she was in a black bikini
I think the caveman is at a different place as them
girl talked with dad about how she sensed something about eegah
sounds like they gotta psychic link
so eegoo goes through town and people fear him
that's racist
the cops arrive and he escapes
also hes wearing furry shoes
so arch and band plays and I think they reused the pool area where eegah through that guy in
arch fights a guy over the girl and eegah eventually gets in
as does da cops
eegah pushes guys around and carries her off like in the cabinet of dr Caligari
cops cap him a buncha times and he falls in the pool like sunset blvd
girl crys for him and hugs arch
background gurl; is he real?
dad; yes he's real. it says so, in the book of genesis
scarf sinks in da pool and we get a rock and mist that sez the end
then credits to meaningful music
how classic
the end
that was pretty good
nice 60s low budget film
enjoyable, cheesy and fun
it rips off king kong, caligari, murders in the rue morgue and Cyrano de Bergerac
the not perfectly hman title character bites it over a girl he likes
its got that classic charm and heart and good offbeat feels
its just an enjoyable film
plus it has bible refs
is this movie creationist?
seems like it
for eegah!!! 2 I want the gov to takle away the caveman and the girl starts feeling and acting weird. turns out, shes becoming a caveman woman. the water and feels eegah gave her infected her and she's pregnant with his kid. the movie deals with her transformation both physical and mental into one of them and at the end, eegah escapes the gov lab that healed him an they escape to the desert as dad and arch never told em where he lived. its also an 8 bit game on Gameboy, gamegear nes and segas master system and turbografx 16 where you gotta go through ur day as the girl but each level you devolve more and it gets tougher. oh and arch hall gets tired of her mutation and goes with his side bimbos Vicky and Valerie.

Monday, February 18, 2019

Galaxy Quest Review

note; I never saw this b4 but imma spell like I never spelled b4
galaxy quest
this is my review on galaxy quest
its got tim allen and the guy from die hard/harry potter and the chick from aliens/gorillas in my a55
its a parody of star wars and maybe star trek or something
I hear its good
lets find out
it starts wirth a cheesy fullscreen sci fi show in fullscreen
they goes to a widescreen sci fi con with s reunion of the show
but tim allen is late and others are malcontent over their careers
tim comes in and he has to convince snape from harry  potter to go out
but tim allen loves his cheesy a55 fame
at the signing a guy who was in 1 ep wants to get in on it
snape hates being part of it and tim sez alienz chick might've been b0ning
also these weird guys want tim
later tim goes home, drinks and watching his show
he wakes up and the weird guys are there outaside his glass house
they say they are from the klatu nebula and their people are being f'd out
klaatu barada nikto
they come in and tim thinks they are ust nerds
they take a limo ride and they tell him their peoples history
he dozes off and they get sucked into space
tim has a meeting with the bad guy and tim orders opening fire on him
he wants to get home but is coated in blue goo and fired toward a worm hole an sent back to urth
it was real!!
later tim comes late to an add for a electronics shop and tells da cast but they think hes nuts or drunk
eventually the cast chooses to go with him and gets teleported to the space
then some tentacle monsters come in and use power tools on em and it freaks em out
but they use appearance generators to look human
they are glad to meet em and think their 80s show was a historical thing and they remastered their cr-ppy society into theirs
also they made a real ship like theirs from the tv show
tim is confident and the crew isn't
the black guy who drives it is able to getta hang for it kinda but scrapes the wall
then gets out and i'm not sure the ship could scrape the wall like that with its big a55 wings
later they eat food made just for them and snape gets gets alien ticks
the bad guy wants the omega 13 that if activated, could wipe out all matter in (chaos number infinity) the universe!
also the last commander was tortured dead
tim meets the bad guy who gives em 10 seconds b4 he ices em and he tells aliens chick to kill the signal
she thinks it means "we're dead" and dont kill the signal
tim bashes bad guy who opens fire on him and they go to warp jump but the ship cant take it
they go through a minefield in space and the ship gets f'd
also the power source cracked and they need a new one
the nerds think its their fault as tim and friends got outta worse thing on their show
the crew trys to explain make believe but they only recently found out about lies and think high of tim and friends
also they find a new power source on a planet
they go there and theres midget aliens who mine there
1 is wounded and they eat it
they discuss over how to get the item and they start rolling the item
but many cgi midgets come after em
they get away but tim gets left behind
he has to fight this monster and they wanna teleport him up with an untested thing
they test it on the monster and it turns inside out and blows apart
then tim burton fights a rock monster
remember that syfy or w/e tv movie rock monster?
that was pretty tongue in cheek good
so after good bickering, tuim gets the guy who played the weapons alien in men in black and the autistic guy in monk to teleport him out
so its revealed they are the last of their kind
but the bad guy got on their ship and tortured one of the nerds
he wants to know what omega 13 does and is gonna b0ne the girl dead
but tim comes out about it being a show
tim tells space nerd its all make believe and its a sad moment
he takes it better than commies who get told global arming is fake or rednecks who get told wrestling isn't real
bad guy is gonna dump em in space
and nuke da ship
tim fakes an argument with snape and a fight and in the chaos clubs out a guard and traps him in the airlock and sends em in space
also the space nerds are running outta air
tim sends em to fix the issues and sends a message to a fan who got his communicator and he didn't answer the question at the con for info on how to shut down the overloading core
nerd webchats with his nerd friends to get da info and tim and aliens chick go across this metal plank over a fan
also the omega 13 can send u 13 seconds into da past
snape and a space nerd open the air thing to save the space nerds
tim and alienz chik get to a hallway of crushers like in a bad video game
they get through
also the bad guy sends men to the ship hearing tim and crew got out
but monk sends the rock monster into the teleport room and it crushes em into paste
also monk makes out with a space tentacle monster
they launch rock monster into space and the aliens who were saved by snape say tim saved em
1 space nerd gets capped and has a scene where he sez snape is like his dad
then he bites it and goes to space h-ll
snape is moved by this and attax the alien who capped da guy
tim needs the nerd but mom made him take out da trash
he hugs alien chick but the core don't nuke as it always stops at 1 on the show
the crew gets back and flys through a minefield with bad guy chASING EM
they get by the space mines and charge at the bad guys with mies following em and turn to bust the bad guys with all those mines
thats pretty clever
the tortured space nerd comes back and says he thinks the actor thing was fake
space nerd ants tim as their commander but he sez no
hey go through a black hole to get home but monk is revealed to be bad guy in disguise and kills everyone
toim does omega 13 and gets a 13 second redo
he beats up monk and tortured nerd clubs him out
they go to urth and launch a pod with the actors and is going super fast
so nerds at earth use fireworks in daytime to help em land
they crash at a con and come out to cheers
oh and tentacle alien gf went with monk
buit bad guy comes out after em
so they pop him with a space gun
good guy with a gun!
tim smootches aliens chick and I hope she didn't put a xenomorph in him
then galaxy quest comes back for galaxy quest GT and the extra guy who was in 1 ep is now a main character
the end
that was good
nice 90s sci fi comedy with heart and wit
if you love star trek you'll love this
tim allen is great and the other cast fits just as well
the protoculture of nerd stuff is well done and they really knew what they were doing in this
for galaxy quest 2 I want it to be about the gov trying to stop their show as they are too close to the truth. but the aliens intervene and appear in public and the people realize that theres life out there. also the gov blames the cast for this an tries to have em taken out. but it turns out, the gov is working for another space race and don't want competition. its also a platform game where you play as one of the cast and get through hidden areas to get this alien disc to the public to tel the people da gov is with other aliens on play station, sega Saturn and n64.

Sunday, February 17, 2019

The Frozen Ground Review

note; I spell warm for Alaska
the frozen ground
this is my review on the frozen ground fro m2013
its got Nicholas cage and john cusack
and 50 cent
its based on a true story about some killer
after like 2 mins of logos we get a bible quote from matthew I cant really read and that this is based on a true story
ten this cop busts into a room and a chick is handcuffed and f'd out
after the hospital the cops interview her and she was b0ned w/o consent by this guy and nearly iced
he wanted to take her to his cabin
but the accused has 2 witnesses who alibi him
then we get cage who is a family man with a wife and daughter
he goes up Alaska in a chopper to find a rotting corpse
later da cops at the station don't trust the handcuffed girl cuz shes a h00ker and the guy she accused has no priors
later da cops and the cage have a the conference saying the iced girls were str-ppers at a club but theres no evidence of a serial killer
later cage talks to a guy about what he know of the killer
cage has 2 weeks left (til retirement??!!) but gets this case
he goes over the evidence and a girl goes out with some guy in a car
well, that's the end of her!!
later joan(I mean john)  is at a bakery and helps a chick put icing on cookies
later cage sez this guy who in 71 grabbed a h00ker and chained her up or w/e just had a run in with another one
the left says we otta ban smoking and things they claim are "toxic" as they are "dangerous" yet is ok with legal h00kers and drugs despite the higher anger they have
so cage chex it out and go to a bar or w/e looking for a girl (I think the handcuffed one) but none know her
the next day cage talx to a chick who knew this corpse who they identified by dental records
this is why you hammer smash the faces of ur victims after you b0ne em dead
or do what they do in mexico and boil em in aid drums
she gives him a bracelet from her friend b4 and leaves
later cage talx to this h00ker (I think the handcuffed one(ok it is her)) who sez shes 18 now and not 23 like she sed b4
this guy offered her 200$ to b0ne her and she went to his place where he had a secks dungeon where he chained her up
sje begged him for freedom but a guy comes over
is this happening now or a fleshback?
he goes up and gets his homie out
then she in the station sez he b-0ned her but she got away
later the cops trace his past movements and find it synchroes to where people got iced
but its not enuff evidence to convict
then they find another body that was sawed up
huh the handcuffed h--ker was the chick in high school musical 03
later handcuffed h00ker is dancing at a str-p club and her p-mp 50 cent confronts her
later john captures another girl and takes her in his plane saying she wont get hurt if she complies
never go with em to the 2nd location
get em in the eye or neck or knee and gtfo
im srs
a good hit to the temple or nose can kill if done right too
so he takes her to da woods and handcuffs her to a tree
a plane flies over and she screams like they can hear her
but I guess they can as he covers her mouth
he lets her go and hunts her with a rifle
he caps her but she's not iced yet and he takes a necklace and finishes her
later at a roller rink cage chatz with the handcuffer h--ker and she sez she saw a bullet hole at the guys place
he asks of her fam and she don't wanna be friends and don't wanna go home
she has a bad view of her rents like most malcontent teens
cuz them not getting you is worse than being a h--ker and being b0ned by smelly ugly guys with hiv
cage sez how his sister bit it at the h--kers age
later at the club, handfcuff sees john and has viet nam fleshbacks
he calls her h--ker place and wants to order her but hangs up and goes mental
cage sez john is da killer but they need more proofe
then he stops hand cuffer from leaving town on a plane
he trys reasoning with her using guilt over his other victims
she recalls one of em and sez the guy who iced his sister got out in 2 years
he was probably b0ned every one of em
then cage has the h--ker stay with his fam but his wife don't like it
h--ker books it and goes back to her p-mp 50 cent
cage goes after her as does john
she was in a bathroom with a shower or something and cage saves her but something wrong
later a guy pulls a guy on 50 cent and tells him to get his money or w/e
later cage and a cop watch johns house and follow him
he gets away in a plane at da air port
cage and da cops go over the evidence and theres not enuff evidence to get him
also according to Wikipedia, I missed a part where john offered 50 cent a ot of money or something for giving him the handcuffed h--ker
cage brings in john and grills him
at the sametime, the cops go through johns place but cant find a gun matching the bodies caliber
cage eggs on john to do stuff to him but john has enuff and wants a lawyer
cage arrests john
the cops cant find any evidence but cage senses something and has em keep looking
then visits hand cuffer and comforts her
later they find a trap door and find the evidence in it
clever girl
gets eaten by raptor; ahhhhhhhh
later a cop tells john in jail that these trials are rough and esp on his fam and he could get 99 years
is this like in get rich or die trying how da cop wanted 50 cent to seppuku?
later hand cuff goes to this place
turns out the guy in da jail was his brother
but he don't got one
its a lie
h--ker gets in a car with 50 sent and he takes her to some place
btw this movie is dark and hard to see
at the place a guy comes and pulls a gun on her but 50 pulls a gun on him to rob him
she gets away in the car and the guy caps 50 with his hidden gun
she gets into a building but hes after her
he gets and bets on her but cage is after em
cage holds em at gunpoint and saves her h--ker a55
later it looks like they cant get john but they find a bracelet like the one that chick gave him 2 hours of movie ago
cage sez the grounds frozen now but when it thaws hes gonna dig it up
john goes on a tirade and sez to handcuiff h-0ker when she shows up "i should've killed you when I had the chance"
its like the simpsons
i'll kill all of you! especially you in the jury!!
then text on screen sez he got put away for almost 500 years
he admitted to icing 17 h--kers and b0ning 30 more
cage is retied and the h--ker is married and has kids
then a buncha pictures of his real victims and some song
the end
that was pretty good
it went by at a good pace and didn't drag
well made and had good twists
like beatlejuice the ending is fast paced and I had to keep up typing and watching
I watched it on fox29 so theres no b0ning or nips or swearing or gore
I like historical movies and stuff from the 80s and snow and night so this was pretty good
some parts were hard to follow but I managed
not too bad
for the frozen ground 2 I want Nicholas cage and the h--ker to team up in the 90s and try to catch a gacy copycat who is b0ning teen guys dead and leaving em in the alleys. turns out, its a Hollywood producer and he's rthe one who turned gacy all those years ago and is the original gacy inspiration. also its a carmen sandiego like game with side scrolling run and gun levels where you get evidence and cap bad guys in soviet California on sega genesis, Atari jaguar, super Nintendo, sega cd (with badly animated cut scenes and badly acted voices) and turbografx 16 (with a tg16 cd version that's got worse versions of the animation and acting than the sega cd ver) Oh and there's a radar that tells where the bad guys are of if ur close as cage's cop character can sense ki.

Sunday, February 10, 2019

The Day After Tomorrow Review

note; I spell better than global warming is real
the day after tpomortow
this is my review on the day after tomorrtpow from the 00s
its from the directal of independence day, the bad Godzilla and the patriot
only 1 is well made
this is a disaster film about global warming
well, if we have alien movies, I guess something just as real can be made
but the real threat to the planet is the Invid
a race or beings from the planet optera who scour the universe for their stolen flower of life that they need to make protoculture
if we don't pay scientists money, they arrive on earth by 2031 and turn the planet into a slave colony for their protoculture
that may sound insane
but its just as realistic as global warming
this movie starts emmy rossum from dragon ball evolution, dennis quaid (was he the crazy one? or was dat randy?) and jake gyllienthal from that sodomy cowboy movie
it starts with guys at da north pole getting samples from da ice
a bit of drilling at the top makes the whole thing give out and a massive hunk of ice busts off
its like it a mosquito bites ur arm and it falls off
1 dink risks his life to get the samples
later quaid is giving a climate confirance saying 10 000 years ago there was an ice age caused by global warming
then gives some techno babble about how it works
and if we keep putting CO2 into the air, the ice caps will melt and the world is f'd
spoiler; co2 is only 0.002% of the atmosphere
so that dreaded 50% increase is just it going to 0.003
its like I got an Olympic swimming pool and use an eye dropper to put 3 drops of p-ss in it
also its snowing in new delli
spoiler; in eghypt and texas it snows at times
not to mention that the guys own logic goes against him
if it happened 10 000 years ago w/o people, why is people doing stuff gonna work??
also also; creation science dates the earth at 6 000 years
might as well say 9 billion years ago
later in japan is big hunks of hail
you know, the bible predicted stuff like this
most of the bible is prophecy
and most of it has already come true
btw I think this is the last we see of japan
they don't even mention soviet Canada
oh and theres a hurricane
in other words;weather happinging on earth
later quaid b--ches about his son f--king out at calculis and his woman whines that hes never there
quaide hase toe bringe hise sone toe the airporte fore a nerde thinge
later quaid takes his son to the airport and son flunked cuz he didn't show his work on the test as he did it in his head
spoiler; the point of the test is to show you know HOW to do it
btw; this guys a nerd and has to suffer through the idiocy of mortals
what a perfect movie for smug left wing candy a55es
oh and in space theres a storm seen
on the plane ride, jake is freaked out about flying
if a car crashes; u can walk
if a boat f--ks out; u can swim
if a plane f--ks out? nyyyyyyyyuuuuuuuuuuu buuuuush!!
the plane has rough air and jake has an autism attack
also the ocean cooled by 13 degrees
and in soviet new York; the animals are going nuts
also they are all bad cgi
jake, his female and black friends (for diversity)  do well at the nerd thing and afterward listen to do u really wanna hurt my by boy George
then qard gets a call saying his model of the new ice age is happening
global warming makes the ice caps freeze over?
also the country is spazzing out in weather
tornadoes in soviet los angelas
maybe its like Sodom and Gomorrah?
and the tornadoes are fusing into bigger ones
I don't think that works
also this city being f'ds by weather is a lot like 2012
only this isn't on the history channel
wtf the president looks like al gore
this isn't the 90s!!
so the high status homies try to figure out wat to do
quaid sez the current of the earth changed cuz of too much water in the ocean
they give quaid 48 hours to figure it out
he finds in 6-8 weeks the planet is f'd
and he needs to evacuate the north states
yeah but f--k Canada
they can freeze
meanwhile, the jake and nerds see at a museum that a mammoth was found in tundra frozen with food in its mouth and gut
so it froze instantlty
doesn't that prove noahs ark then?
after the flood the ice age happened
also; mammoths had tropical food in them
later a choppers go into this storm and freeze solid in supercold air
just like in mortal kombat with sub zero
oh it as in Scotland
its a massive land hurricane that freezes sh-t
later in new York they stay at this rich blonde teens place and its rained for 3 days
also in nova scotia the water went up 25 feet in a few days an f'd it
later the nerds are gonna go out to get home
but its cr-ppy outside
jake goes anyway and also the wolfs at a zoo somehow got out
is this a horror movie??
so just like in 98 Godzilla, new York is f'd
its like Sodom and Gomorrah
punished for its sins\
a hobo wants to use the library to say dry but theres no pets
so he stays out with his cr-ppy a55 dog
also the water level s rising
somehow theres a tidal wave comming
nerd girl translates for some black frenchies to a new Sodom new York cop and they help em
nerd gorl goes back for the frenchies passports but the wave nearly gets em as they go up da library
so quaid sez the storm pulls troposphere air and freezes em
and theres 1 over canada and 1 over soviet union
and after da storm, its a new ice age
so much for the poles melting
later nerd girl is impressed by by jake saving her
jake uses a payphone as it gets its power from the phone line
he goes into icy a55 water and calls his dad and tells him whats up
but the water is rising rising mesmerizing
quaid tells jake to stay inside and wait out da storm as hes comming
then jake goes under water and has to swim out
it takes a while
girl hugs  him and trys to heat him up with her bod
as if cold arm blood goes to his heart it might ice his a55
in the real version they were probably naked
or b0ning
then a boat floats though the streets even though theres no way it could slide between all these buildings
I think this is a ghost or sci fi movie
there were probably aliens in it
or U S O's
submerged objects
on the opposite side of the planet as the Bermuda triangle is the devil's sea in japan that's very similar
so quaid tells the big wigs to escape south to texas and florida and soviet mexico
and everyone south of a line e drew is savable
everyone north is already dead
so Canada's f'd
see you in h-ll Canada
later hobo is pooping his dog and sees people in the cold walking like nuke victims in barefoot gen or Hokuto no ken
the library dinks wanna leave with em as the water froze but jake trys to save em
they don't listen and go off to bite it in the frozen h-ll hole that is new York
meanwhile, americans are illegally crossing the border into mexico
such left wing trash
the nerds break into vending machines and burn books to stay alive
hobo suggests eating outta the trash
we've all done it
no shame
also they argue over which philosopher books to save or burn
this is why the rapture should come soon
the next generation isn't fit to lead
also nerd girl cut her leg saving the frenchies who I think left with the rest
so quaid and some guy are heading north to save the kids somehow
their car f's out and they snow shoe
also the library dinks who left are biting it
and hobo uses his years of hobo life experience to pack paper in his clothes
as quaid and his homies walk across a buried in snow building, the roove cracks under em and 1 guy is hanging by their rope
the glass is cracking and the hanging guy cuts himself loose to save em
we don't see him hit but I assume he splattered like a sack of chef boy ar dee
meanwhile is soviet nrew York; a guy who denies the bible and its Creator wantds to protect a Gutenberg bible as it represents the dawn of a new era or enlightenment
also nerd gril deals with her issues of all her schooling being useless as her future is basically max max in the winter
that thing was probably ripped off of violence jack evil town where aila mu regrets het fashion model skills are useless in a wasteland warrior world
jake admits he joined the team to be with her
also she has blood poisoning and needs antibiotics
also theres a super storm coming for new York
jake makes snow shoes outta chairs and goes to get medicine from the ship that floated out
with his homies
on the boat they gotta do assassins creed stuff to sneak around the outside of the ship to get in a window to unlock a door
they get the penicillin but theres wolfs on the boat
and they are cgi
1 guy gets leg bit and is probably gonna turn into a furry
then its the ryr of the storm and jake leads the wolfs away as the other homies get out or trap em or w/e
somehow he outruns wolfs and locks em in
they take the supplies out in a raft (as ice is just water) and the cold is coming for em
they run from the cold air that has a visible effect in the background and get in just in time
also dad busts into a building
man this is ike that movie the haunting from the 90s
only cr-ppier
its cold air!!
and somehow closing a door stops it even though its cold enough to freeze people
and when dad closes his door he TAKES OFF HIS MASK AND GOGGLES!!
good f--k who wrote this cr-p?!
quaird and homie move on and talk about in a paper tent in sub zero weather if man can make it this time
later things clear up
quaid and his surviving homie get to the library and oh good f--k the jake's name is sam
like that shia labeouf from the live action transformers movies
except shaia is a girls name
remember voltage fighter gowcaizer?
that skimpy dressed magical girl chick was named shaia Hishizaki
so quaid finds jake and the survivors and somehow they are gonna make it back across the frozen continent
the prez who isn't like al gore but a different actor(I f'd up) gives a speech about how we gotta take care of nature or other captain planet cr-p
just like the end of on deadly ground by steven segal
da prez sends choppers to get the people from soviet new York to soviet mexico and orders more search and rescue things
the space station people say the air looks clear on earth
the end
that wasn't horrible
but it was dumb
nothing makes logical sense and the characters and jacka55es
is full of smug liberal j-rking off and is full of cr-p
that being said, I didn't hate it
it was entertaining
sorta like 50 cent get rich or die trying
I like the cold so another ice age is good to me
the music is good and the effects are sorta that catwoman style cgi from the mid 00s that I sorta like
if this were a Schwarzenegger film we'd have fun but this movie feels like its trying to preach a message and be takes srs
also most of the country don't believe in global warming
they did a study and 46% buys is
that's down from 56% a decade b4
where as a steady 48% of the country is creationist
a steady 48 is higher than a dropping 46
and that was like a decade ago
but this movie  wasn't unwatchable
its fun to poke fun at and b--ch about
its good
not super awesome or super awful
but I enjoyed it kinda
for the day after tomorrtow 2 I want it to be like a mad max movie with humans who survived the cold fight to survive in the frozen north of what was once soviet Canada and try to make it down south while evading snowmobile gangs. and for the day after tomorrow 3 I want it to be revealed that under water daemons were the real ones responsible for the water getting f'd and they offer humans a chance to be saved from the cold if they offer them their souls. some do it and become grotesque abominations but some stay loyal to God and fight the fake humans with holy ki abilities and kung fu. both are sega genesis, super Nintendo and Atari jaguar  games like streets of rage and final fight where you beat up bad guys

Saturday, February 9, 2019

The Princess Bride Review

note; movie. goooood. spelling. baaaaaad
theprincess bride
this is my rebview on the dprincess bride from 1987
its got xcary elwis from saw and andre the giant from wwf
its based on a book I never read from da 70z and is directed by meatheasd from all in the family
its also guy peter falk from columbo, wallis shawn from toy story, robin write from some cr-p, chris Sarandon from nightmare b4 xmas and fred savage from the wizsrd
it starts with fred savage being sick in bed and playing cr-ppy baseball games on his computer
his grampa comes by and gives him a book his dad read him when sick and he read to freds dad
in da book this chick worked on a farm and hassled the farm boy slave
he always said "as u wish" to her demands
also they fel in love
they are gonna make out and fred has issue with romance
don't show him sailor moon/Robotech/Urotsukidoji
he goes off to make money for marriage
but gets takes out by dread pirate Roberts (a relative of dred scott?) who never leaves survivers
no survivors means no witnesses
years later da prince wants to marry on the 500th thing of their country being founded
what country is this?
what year is this?
the castlevania days?
the prince chose her to marry him as monarchy has supremacy over common humans
she don't like him but he don't care
then wallice shawn, andre and some Spaniard capture her
he puts a patch from a rival country on her horse and sends it back
cuz he wants to start a war
and his actors a commie so this makes more sense
also wallis wants to ice he girl
also he keeps saying inconceivable
in mon colle knights; prince eccentro sez "this plan is ill-conceived!" and tanaka replies; "your ill conceived!!"
at 1st it sounds like "this is gay!" "Ur gay!!"
but when you think about it, it sounds worse
and that was on fox kids
so as the kidnapers boat away, she jumps out and is almoist eaten by eels
oh and they're being chased by a boate
da next day (don't they sleep?!)  they get to a rock wall and climb up
but the chaser is climbing after em
they get to a top and cut da rope
but he climbs da wall
Spaniard is told to stay behind to fight him
btw good background
they used real matter instead of greenscreening it in
otherwise ur just watching the amazing bulk
Spaniard swears he wont ice chaser b4 he gets to the top so he'd accept a rope he threw down to speed things along
at da top he sez his dad was iced by a man w/ 6 fingers on 1 hand
kinda like in the unknown with lon chaney how he's got an extra thumb
he dueled him and got face scars and was left alive
now he devotes himself to fencing
oh and he was 11 then
they have a nice talk and they duel
chaser is a better swordsman but Spaniard switches to his right hand and gains edge
so chaser right hands too and wins
but knocks him out and continues on as he don't wanna waste the talent of the guy so good
sorta like with goku and vegeta in the Saiyan arc
so he catching up and wallis takes girl and tells andre to bust chasers head with a rock
but he misses on purpose to be fair
they have a fair fight of strength and speed and chat
man andre is huge
like that guy from golden axe
chaser choaks him out but don't ice him and goes off
prince gets to the part with the duel was and figures out what happened by footprints
this guy has skill
man we're already 30 mins in with adds
wallois holds a knife to girl and sez hes smart
chaser challenges him to a game of wits
he poisons a glass of wine and he chooses wjtch to drink from
wallis goes on about whjich glass has poison based on all these little things he knows
he sez "look over there" and switches glasses
man hes like the big bang theory nerds
they drink and wallis bites it
chaser gets the girl and sez he poisoned both glasses and is immune to it
chaser talks and he sez she don't love
but she sez she do
oh and prince finds the giant battle area and wallis fight area
she figures out hes the dred pitare robertts and hates him for killing farm slave
he sez he remembers farmboy and he bit it well
and went on about how he loved he chick
she shoves his a55 down a hill saying he can bite it too and he sez as u wish
she realizes its farmboy andf jumps and rolls like sonic afer him
they reunite and hes asks why she didn't wait
she sed hes ded
then threy make out
freed saveage don't like it
at least they weren't b0ning
they go into da fire swamp witch sounds ike somethin ouuta a jrpg
no one survived b4
in it its a forest and has fie outta da ground
like contra legacy of war with that final level
on da way there he sez his saying please to survive and telling of his gf moved the last Roberts and he kept him as a slave
later he passed the name of dred pitate Roberts to him as it was done to him
as its like batman in batman beyond
or the phantom in phantom 2040
hes gonna retire the job and give it to someone else now he has her
they get sucked into qwik sand and he hpuills em out
also is a cool rat monster that I don't know how they made work
it attax him and bites his arm
she just stands there watching him get f'd by it and when it coms for her he wrestles it
he rolls it onto a fire poot and cooks it then shanks it
my bro said that freaked him out as a kid
they get out and prince catches em
hes gonna fight but she surrenders if they wont hurt him
prince agrees but tells his minion to take him out
also minion has 6 fingers
minion knocks him out and hw wkes up in some dungeon with an albino sez theres no way out
also albino treats his wounds as prince wants him healthy b4 hes iced
man we're like an 1 hour in
then the king bites it
and she gonna marry prince
fred goes mental over the story not going right
as girtl goes up a hag bashes her for dumping farmb oy
but its a dream
wtf is this? final destination 1-5?!
and king still lives
she tells prince she don't wanna marry him
prince plays it cool but trys to turn her
he sez he'd send letter to Roberts and if he don't reply she marry him
and prince wants to ice her and blame the rival nation
hay its just like what happened with Charles and dianaia
then minion hooks farmboy to a achine with nipple cups
it sucks a year of his life
sounds like something from final fantasy or Inuyasha
actually, mummies alive did that with the hoboes
later prince tells a guard the rival kingdom is gonna ice da chick and to empty the thieves forest by night
he gets a brute squad to do it
Spaniard is drunk and waiting for wallis and da guards want him outed
andre helps him and tells him about the minion with the 6th fonger
but they cant take em alone and need chaser
meanwhile girl figures out prince is an a55 and lied to her
she sez farmboy is comming for her
prince then kills chaser with the machine set on max
his screams go across the land
Spaniard and angre catch albino and k o him
spaniardo uses is sword to dowse for the entrance and its in a tree
btw the princess name is buttercup
like... fat b00b??
so farmboy is dead and fred goes mental over it
and wants someone to kill the prince
grampa sez no one kills him
so they bring farmboys bod to miracle max played by billy cryatal who is very Yiddish
better Yiddish than brittish
so billy sez farmboy isn't fully dead and he inflates farmboy and pressed him and he sez true love
billy finds if farm slave gets better than it f's da prince who fired him so he does some ritual o fix him
they carry him to the castle and give him a senzu bean to heal him
he revives but he's not fully able to move
he sez he cant but they have a few items that can help
then its night and prince gon marry girl
using a wheelbarrel and a fire cloak they make people think andre is the pirate Roberts and the people run
prince sez he iced chaser and the heroes get in the castle
priest cuts to man/wife without asking girl if she consents
yet with royalty, there IS no consent!!
Spaniard faces minion 6 finger and 6 finger escapes and spainardou chases
girl is gonna seppuku after reaching the honeymoonsweet
and the king is too inbred to understand
he leads the country
Spaniard gets a knife to the gut and 6 finger recognizes him
gurl gets to her room to shank herself but farmboy is there and sez don't knife ur t-ts
Spaniard fights 6 finger and regains strength by saying his name, telling 6 finger he iced his dad, and he gon ice him
then he shanks him on purpose without any other factors
nowadays they'd make it an accident or something
but here he executes him
if this were R rated he'd cut pieces of him off and make the guy eat them
girl sez sorry for marrying prince but he somehow knows she didn't say I do
prince come in and farmboy sez all this dark cr-p about him mutilating prince into a gross mess
that's some dante's inferno cr-p btw
he stands challenges and prince who queers out and gets tied up by girl
but farmboy was bluffing and cant stand
he wants prince to live long in shame of being beat
andore gets em 4 white horses from the kings stables
they go off and farmboy offers Spaniard the dred pirtes robets job
farmboy and girl make out as the best kiss ever and fed savage don't mind
grampa sez as u wish when fred savage asks if he gonna come by tommow to read another book
then credits that show film footage with the name of da actor as their character under it
wtf the Spaniards name is mandy
the end
what a nice movie
like a fairy tale that's not dark and cannibal
its got heart, charm, love, action, wit and fun
nothing awful or mean
no gore or nude scenes
well cast and written
not much swearing
the good guy kills someone on purpose
I loved it
and it has good pacing
it never drags and goes by at a good flow
it doesn't feel like 2 hours with adds
I loved it
for the princess bride 2 I want the prince to be taking out his issues on being beat on the people and forcing them to near slavery ad having them fight to the death in front of him. also he makes them eat eachother alive. 1 guy goes out to find the dred piate Roberts to save em but the kings soldiers are after him. much of the film is about this new guy who's a dink and whines too much. eventually he finds the girl and ex dred pirate Roberts and tries to get em to join him but is such a wiener that ex Roberts has enough and chopps him up. its also a Gameboy, game geare and Atari lynx game like Zelda links awakening where you play as the wiener who is always being a oser and makes the players hate him. at the end you play as ex Roberts and face him.

Wednesday, February 6, 2019

Trolland Review

note; this film is a55. as is my spelling
this is my review on trolland
its a mockbuster of the trolls movie from 2016
too bad we didn't get a stone protectors movie
that's the 90s ninja turtles version of the troll dolls
its by the asylum and was a direct to video movie made cheap and fast
my Missouri homie sent me this and he hated the cr-p outta it
its got jerry oconnel from my secret identity, dick van dyke from p0rn0 and ja rule from rap
also debi derryberry from zatch bell
it starts with some guy reading from a book about trollz and their backstory
the 1st trolls lived in isolation like Wakanda in black panther
they were bored until man arrived and they pranked them
humans spread out and trolls followed but stayed hidden
is this a creationist thing?
sounds like it
so humans forgot abot da trollz and trollz kepty pranking em
then opening credits to a sega dreamcast level cgi animation
the opening story was to still cartoony drawings
these kids are playing the 80s brick game boys  and this chick takes em away and makes em enjoy nature
nature s-cked! I want Zelda!
also the animation is kinda cr-ppy
it looks sorta like stop motion
oh and they're at a summer camp
also theres no link cable so I think each are playing their own game ignoring eachother
then this guy who I cant tell is fat or buff catches a squierel but it gets out and kicks his a55
he says g rated swear substyitutes like sassafrass
the trolls prank him and he rips his pants
the kids see him and tell him something and he drives off
then title
the characters animate like a55
theres cr-ppy lip sync and movement
da trolls say to this black sounding troll stuff about the cookies they jacked from buff/fat
of and the girl troll is trying to get more points to become the prank queen
they look like cr=-ppy gremlins meets garbage pail kids cards
the trolls gather and this high rank troll sez its almost time for the prank awards
he goes on for a while
so theres 1 last chance to up their scores to win
is this a video game?
also, what year is this?
I assume the 90s from the Gameboys
the top 3 trools are this SM troll, a punk rock looking guy and girl troll
she was runner up last time
they prank humans to teach em about life and they don't mean harm
so you mean
that's our job, but we aren't mean
black sounding troll don't wanna prank guys cuz it f's up humans
she sez if they did theyd seem soft and theyd be chased out by hyuuminz!! (who wish to pay ME tribute??)
also she is going too far and black sounding troll wants her to pull back
then buffat catches the black sounding troll
but steps in his own beartrap and it gets away
is he the bad guy??
he throws powder bursters to cover the area in smoke to catch it but it just goes birth of a nation and obscures the area
he goes back to his cabin and sez his day 10 000 someting which means he's been doing this for almost 30 years
the dust covered his camera lens and 30 years ago he saw his 1st troll and wants to prove it
later a kid is playing bug bingo and noting all the bugs he finds
then a mohawk kid hassles his a55 over it
as does this hairless ret-rded kid
they mock him and he gets upset
I assume he's gonna snap and kill them all
look at sleepaway camp, Friday the 13th and their cr-ppying sequels
they take his notebook and play keep away
good f--k the animation is a55!
it looks like he's pulling on the book with his arms but the guy holding the book is do9ing his own thing
the book rips in 2 and mohok is  ginna give him an atomic wedgie
but the teen who took the Gameboys takes em away to do kitchen duty
I assume that's slang for b0ning
then black looking I mean sounding troll gets the pages
bug kid gets caught in a trap and b--ches about hating it at camp
then black sounding troll helps him out and buggy has stereotypical views on trolls wanting to eat him
that's trollacist
they get closer and he leaves as buff/fat gets over
there was some actually good dialogue on how humans and trolls both fear the other and they don't know how it started
sorta like warring tribes or gang wars
theres some good themes in here
also he helped buggy cuz he likes bugs and not machines
he takes buggy to a spot with many bugs
later girl troll gets signs wet as a prank and wants to get the whole camp wet
btw the animation is a55 as instead of the cgi people being in a location, they seem to just be on a flat background greenscreened in
like if he's standing in tal grass the grass doesn't go in front on him
so buggy goes back to the camp and the teen wants buggy to make banners tomorrow
at night he goes out and meets his rollfriend and fatbuff follows
but he gets all f'd up by nature
black sounding troll takes buggy to this tree and
the video froze
i'm watching this on pluto tv
and when I reopened it I had to watch from the start as you cant fast forward
well, I cant
I use internet explorer and had to go through a lot just to watch this on pluto tv
oh and the kids wanted buffat to fix the canues as girl troll sunk em
and buff fats dust attack would be dangerous as it could f up his lungs
also his camera would've picked up the troll b4 the dust would've blocked it
oh and when buggy is trying to get back his notebook he has the pencil in his hand even though its just floating in the air as his hand is open
k i'm caught up
so they are in the tree and talk about food and troll shares his blueberrys
they also talk about wanting to know eachother more and their homes they don't know about
they wakes up and its day and they gotta get back b4 their people know they were out all night
on the way back he bumps into fatt baff who figures out he saw the troll
wtf does buff fat have a huge crotch??
later buggu gets back a he gets the free morning and don't gotta be back tol lunchtime as the girl trolls pranks are f ing up da camp
buggy and troll see a deer and it eats trolls blueberrys
wait that sounds wrong
then it eats bugys blueberrys
then buff fat comes by and they hide under this dirt thing like in the 1st lord of the rings
we get kinda a montage of buggy and troll escaping the bullys and buff fat
so buggy and trpll go to the oldest tree in the forest with a sawblade in it that broke when someone tried to cut it down
theres a lesson to it troll sez but no one knows
then its lunchtime and buggy has to make banners for the thing
and in a few hours he gon see the place of da trolls or w/e
meanwhile girl troll wants to take out the water tower to soak da camp
but sez the kids will be at the lake and come back to their place f;d
then catches black ounding troll and sez he stinks of humans
what is this? the matrix??
he sez it was fat buff who almost caught him and they tell the boss troll
then he sez he met the buggy and they say humans are evil
sounds like tumblr
also he plans to leave
also theres a debate on if panking makes e set traps or vice versa on which came 1st
later buggy sez to teen girl that hes gonna hike with da guys
and teen girl is gonna move the party to the picknick area as the lake cr-p got f'd by trolls
once or twice at camp terra cotta in the 90s we played hide and seek and could only go 10 steps into the woods
I wandered off into the woods and moved rocks over a tiny stream for a while
when I got back they were mad as they didn't know where I was
so he meets black sounding troll who tells him he left for good and girl trolls prank is dangerous
but girl troll and her homies go out to stop him
so buggy and troll chat in a place only black sounding troll knows and figure out to use buff hat to try to stop girel trolls prank
girl troll and homies swipe fy paper and buff gat sees punk troll and has a seizue a bit and goes after him but f'd up
so the trolls cant find black sounding troll and figure he has a secret place
buggy and black sounder troll think about showing buggy to the trolls but they might not be ready
then they hide as girl troll comes by and gets buggys backback
then fat buff catches sm and punk troll and hums the ride of the Valkyries
oh and buggy bumps into the bullys but troll helps him evade em
and girl troll finds in black sounding trolls bag was candy beatles that he only made for her b4
she freaks out and kicks the bag but the drawings of buggy comes out and she sees hes going to their trolland
buggy escapes but is caught by girl troll and homies and she try to turn him agaimst black sounding troll
also this kid is a little weener as 2 action fugure sized trolls hold him down
f it
the video froze
f it
imma watch it on youtube
k i'm on youtube and found it in a distorted tilt thing to avoid copyright commiebots
lol buggy quoted luke skywalker's "datz not troo, datz imposible"
he then turns on his black sounding troll friend and runs off
then she trys to turn black sounding troll against him
but he don't fall 4 it
then buff aths catches the girl troll I think and finds the map drawing to the cave
black sounding troll trys winning back buggy but he wont turn
he caught girl trolls homies
butt fatt gets an infared cam and takes photoes of invisible trolls and dances f'd-ly
black sounding troll appears to butt stuff and gets chased
then buggy saves the trolls as he forgave em
oh good f--k that roll jumping off the table was just it posing and being dragged over the area
black sounding troll gets away and butt stuffer gets a big lawnmower like in Caligula or w/e to get da trollz
oh its a riding vacuum
b s troll tells da trollz butt fluff is coming for em and its his fault
butt fat spazzes out to ride of the Valkyries as he sucks the trolls but they plug his butt I mean hose with this plastic thing
then he gets out and goes after em
buggy and 2 trolls he saves try to convince girl trool to not do her terr er ist attack on the camp
it eventually works and she wants to go after stuff buitt
butty butt chases b s troll and gets caught in his own traps
its a good reversal on the last scene with bugy trying to stop girl troll
he gets caght in his cr-p and bos troll and b s troll say sorry for da pranx and hey aint bad
they reconcile
but girl troll don't like them getting along
and likes the old way
this is kinda good as it shows the lesson of doing bad because its tradition or someone told us to is bad
like circimsizing ur sons and daughters
or having unions
there may have been a time for it b4
but now its over
also buff butt wanted to be knighted and get a sword
but the queen is the bad guy
after assassinating daiana and chuckies other girl friends
might as well join the gacy fan club
and he sez he could've used his smarts to help people instead of wasting em on troll traps
boss troll makes b s troll the new leader
and he figured out the lesson
the tree was too tough to cut like a strong heart that wont stop believing in friends
what is this? sailor moon??
oh and girl troll wins the prank thing
and b s troll needs to be taught the ways of the boss troll
and buggy stands up to bullys and they leave him alone
buggy sez its his best summer and buff fat a55 wants to go after big foot
and theres 1 right by there
boss troll sez butt stuff and him became homies
girl troll started helping the camp kids in secret
like a guardian angel??
later humans and trolls met and became homies
and b s troll became the wisest boss troll
the end
the animation s-cked a55
but the story was good
and its kinda fun to see how jerky they made em move
you kinda get used to it after a bit
plus buggy didn't become friends with the bullys
most kids shows would have everyone befriend everyone
this shows even with friends, some cant be friends
pretty mature for a cr-ppy kids movie
better than most stuff we got on tv now
it had a good lesson and morals that people today need
I hold grudges but need to let em go
if I saw this as a kid, maybe I wouldn't
so I kinda liked it
its not trying to be a great film
its like those guys who do the dbz saga's in 5 mins with no budget using cr-p around their homes
its entertaining and kinda fun to watch em spazz out
for trolland 2 I want it to be in the year 2025 and the trolls are dealing with humans cyberizing their areas. the trolls are natural so they don't get along with metal and cr-p and they start rotting from how unnatural things are. they start taking down the systems but people start biting it from the systems f ing out and it starts a war between human and troll races. also its an 8 bit Gameboy, nes, gamegear, master system, Atari lynx and turbografix16 game where you play as either humans who use tech and rolls who use nature power and its like shining force or zone of the enders the fist of mars.

Saturday, February 2, 2019

Being Flynn Review

note; this movie has Robert de niro so its got swearing, b0ning and him being scuzz. also typoes
being Flynn
this is my review on being flnn
its based on a book by nick Flynn who I assume is related to quinton Flynn from bleach
its also got Julie anne moore from that loser movie the shipping news about those inbred Canadians and wes studi from the 90s street fighter movie
its directed by paul weitz who did American Pie, Down to Earth and About a Boy
those sound like p0rn0es
its also got dale dickey and victor rasuk which also sound dirty
is lucy morals in this too?
she was megumi amano in Urotsukidoji
so it starts with de niro saying he's one of the 3 good  writers america made with j d salinger and mark twain
no frank Norris or l frank baum?
stan lee and jack kirby had good stuff
hes a taxi driver and has booze in a milk box
then his son nick sez hes telling da story and trying to be a writer
deniro never was there for him as a kid and his mom moore had to raise his a55
later son's gf comes back and finds lipstick by the bed
she throws cr-p at him and he yells, then hes standing in front of a mirror spazzing out
he punches it and sez sorry
then back to eniro who likes kids and animals but not queers and black who try to b0ne his a55
he sez dat
but more swearing
its like south park
as he trys to write but a band downstairs keeps playing
meanwhile, son moves into a str-p club turned home with a gay guy and a black guy
hope his dad don't find out
at the club a guy got shanked there a while ago
1 girl there works at a shelter and offers son work
then de niro taxi's a chick and they go to his place and b0ne for a while
i'd rather see hulk Hogan b0ning than de niro
and I don't like seeing b0ning
then deniro goes to the bands apartment and beats em up with a baseball bat
then deniro calls son and wants to use sons pickuptruck to move out cuz he beat up some guys
he goes there and deniro gets outta the tub naked but we don't see his circimsized weener
a flashback sez deniro was in jail for bad checks and forged checks or w/e as son was a kid
deniro has a baseball bat with nails in it and wants to stuff it up someones a55 and twist it
also he never knew how moore bit it
after moving his cr-p, deniro gives son a Jackson pollock painting which has polliks name misspelled
also hes not keen on the room mates
if he was really awful he'd try to ice em
but he just aint fond of em
kinda archie bunker
also he saves a letter from Viking press saying his work was good
later he complains to the girl about his dad and she offers him work at the shelter
he goes 4 a interview with wes studi called the captain who was a resident there but clawed his way out
he gets put on the fill in list
he gets called in and works with hoboes
1 girl was a h00ker and crackhead who got clean but son sez she'd go back
also son has to deal with drunks and junkies
denoero tries to live with a homie but is turned down
so he lives in his cab and poops at the bus station
later hes driving and blacks out and crashes and it costs him his cab and liscense
later son is working at the shelter and it s-cked
1 guy whizzed himself
he cleans parasites off a guy and later in group reads what he writes about his experiances
he writes like a wrier with stylish words
later he and girl are in a room and she reads letters he wrote with synonyms for drunk
later deniro writes a letter to the president
then deposits a check for 750 000 $ for an advance on his coming novel
I assume its forged
later hes sleeping on a bench and fights a guy over his bag
then he sleeps on a heat grate
later he comes to the shelter and sees son working there
deniro sez son is gathering material for his novel as life is gathering material
also deniro sez hes working on da novel
and sees this as a chance to spend time with him
when talking with his homies, son has a flashback of guys his mom b0ned who raised him a bit
later he gets a letter from dehonoro trying to give him advice
later deniro whines about how all the guys in that shelter and purvoes and cant make it in prison
also is a flashback of moore giving son a wanted picture of deniro to make him not wanna be like him
later his black friend gets him into cocainum
later deniro recalls moore as a good force in his life and sees his rotting face in the mirror and thinks hes 28 and freaks out
eventually son has enough of deniroes cr-p and tells him off and they argue
son wants seniro out
later deniro is going mental, wearing only a towel, p-ssing on the floor, screaming his malcontent ramblings and goes into latin before saying "sucko my c-cko!"
I think that was also his reaction to trump winning
later they vote on getting rid of eniro and son votes to remove his a55
also in a near scene the girl wants son to get treated for drugs and alcohol
is this turning into intervention??
he goes upstairs and sees people smoking crack
and he joins in
remember what street fighter and primal rage taught us in the 90s!
winners don't use drugs!!
also also is a scene of moore writing a suicide note to son and blowing her brains out
imagine if she stuck the gun up her a55 and blew her head open!!
so son finds her later and out of flash back he wakes up and drinks
I assume the crackheads b0ning his mouth while he was on drugs
later deniro comes in and they wont let him in for 2 months
he plays a guilt attack on son and sez e could've j-rked off and flushed him down the toilet
is this a "don't j-rk off" moral for the kids?
later girl as enough of son and dumps his crack smoking a55
later denoro works as a human billboard for a tax company
I know a guy who did that and he didn't mind
later when deniro is sh-tting in a construction site some homies come in and beat up a hobo he was just with
son is in a group for his addiction but the people there are far worse than him and he's f'd by it
later in a coffee shop a chick tells him eniro was sleeping in a paking garage and some thugs working for the owner old him upsidedown off the top floor of it and tell him not to come by
son goes out and finds a guy named moses whith a switchblade
he stabs him in the parts a buncha times and whats left of em fall out in a choppy mess on the floor
he really gets him in from the cold
later he finds denito and brings him to live at his place
in a few days he can return to the shelter and the roommates are out but deniro dont wanna go back
son sez he was writing a story about his mom working 2 jobs and trying to be there 4 her son
but didn't finish as she found it b4 he wrote about her love
deniro sez dat didn't drive her to seppuku and thinking why she stuck around so long is better than why she ate her gun
hes not so bad wen given the chance to shine to say something like that it shows
next day denioro goes asks why son never asked him to stay with him b4
son sez if u try to save a drowing mabn u might get pulled under
deniropo sez hes a survivor and so is son and but son is not him or something
months later son goes off on his own thing and sez bye to girl
he goes back to school, gets a degree, gets work teaching poetry and still gets letters from deniro
deniro gets an apartment and son visits him
deniro is doing well but goes on a cathilocphobic, homophobic, pedophoboic, blackphobic  tirade
son shows deniro a poetry book he wrote
1 poem is him snapping of denirpes fingers to stop him from drinking
deniro shows him his writings and it s-cked
later son does his poetry reating and deniro shows up 4 it
also son shows deniro his black wife and kid
deniro hold the kid but the kid hates him
it sensed his ki
then deniro sez son gets the last word
then credits
the end
this was make in soviet new York and had help from an aids clinic
gotta say, this was well made
seeing deniro go mental was fun
good story based o a real guy
its kinda cool and bummer with the blue colors and guys being dinks
but its got heart and good stuff in it to
I liked it
for being Flynn 2 I want deniro to have a mental episode and start going around attacking people and stealing their kidneys. turns out, he's being controlled by some daemon and it needs the organs to revive in this world. also its a platform action game on sega genesis super Nintendo and Atari jaguar where you play as him and take guys out and make their guts into items to get across stuff