Wednesday, February 6, 2019

Trolland Review

note; this film is a55. as is my spelling
this is my review on trolland
its a mockbuster of the trolls movie from 2016
too bad we didn't get a stone protectors movie
that's the 90s ninja turtles version of the troll dolls
its by the asylum and was a direct to video movie made cheap and fast
my Missouri homie sent me this and he hated the cr-p outta it
its got jerry oconnel from my secret identity, dick van dyke from p0rn0 and ja rule from rap
also debi derryberry from zatch bell
it starts with some guy reading from a book about trollz and their backstory
the 1st trolls lived in isolation like Wakanda in black panther
they were bored until man arrived and they pranked them
humans spread out and trolls followed but stayed hidden
is this a creationist thing?
sounds like it
so humans forgot abot da trollz and trollz kepty pranking em
then opening credits to a sega dreamcast level cgi animation
the opening story was to still cartoony drawings
these kids are playing the 80s brick game boys  and this chick takes em away and makes em enjoy nature
nature s-cked! I want Zelda!
also the animation is kinda cr-ppy
it looks sorta like stop motion
oh and they're at a summer camp
also theres no link cable so I think each are playing their own game ignoring eachother
then this guy who I cant tell is fat or buff catches a squierel but it gets out and kicks his a55
he says g rated swear substyitutes like sassafrass
the trolls prank him and he rips his pants
the kids see him and tell him something and he drives off
then title
the characters animate like a55
theres cr-ppy lip sync and movement
da trolls say to this black sounding troll stuff about the cookies they jacked from buff/fat
of and the girl troll is trying to get more points to become the prank queen
they look like cr=-ppy gremlins meets garbage pail kids cards
the trolls gather and this high rank troll sez its almost time for the prank awards
he goes on for a while
so theres 1 last chance to up their scores to win
is this a video game?
also, what year is this?
I assume the 90s from the Gameboys
the top 3 trools are this SM troll, a punk rock looking guy and girl troll
she was runner up last time
they prank humans to teach em about life and they don't mean harm
so you mean
that's our job, but we aren't mean
black sounding troll don't wanna prank guys cuz it f's up humans
she sez if they did theyd seem soft and theyd be chased out by hyuuminz!! (who wish to pay ME tribute??)
also she is going too far and black sounding troll wants her to pull back
then buffat catches the black sounding troll
but steps in his own beartrap and it gets away
is he the bad guy??
he throws powder bursters to cover the area in smoke to catch it but it just goes birth of a nation and obscures the area
he goes back to his cabin and sez his day 10 000 someting which means he's been doing this for almost 30 years
the dust covered his camera lens and 30 years ago he saw his 1st troll and wants to prove it
later a kid is playing bug bingo and noting all the bugs he finds
then a mohawk kid hassles his a55 over it
as does this hairless ret-rded kid
they mock him and he gets upset
I assume he's gonna snap and kill them all
look at sleepaway camp, Friday the 13th and their cr-ppying sequels
they take his notebook and play keep away
good f--k the animation is a55!
it looks like he's pulling on the book with his arms but the guy holding the book is do9ing his own thing
the book rips in 2 and mohok is  ginna give him an atomic wedgie
but the teen who took the Gameboys takes em away to do kitchen duty
I assume that's slang for b0ning
then black looking I mean sounding troll gets the pages
bug kid gets caught in a trap and b--ches about hating it at camp
then black sounding troll helps him out and buggy has stereotypical views on trolls wanting to eat him
that's trollacist
they get closer and he leaves as buff/fat gets over
there was some actually good dialogue on how humans and trolls both fear the other and they don't know how it started
sorta like warring tribes or gang wars
theres some good themes in here
also he helped buggy cuz he likes bugs and not machines
he takes buggy to a spot with many bugs
later girl troll gets signs wet as a prank and wants to get the whole camp wet
btw the animation is a55 as instead of the cgi people being in a location, they seem to just be on a flat background greenscreened in
like if he's standing in tal grass the grass doesn't go in front on him
so buggy goes back to the camp and the teen wants buggy to make banners tomorrow
at night he goes out and meets his rollfriend and fatbuff follows
but he gets all f'd up by nature
black sounding troll takes buggy to this tree and
the video froze
i'm watching this on pluto tv
and when I reopened it I had to watch from the start as you cant fast forward
well, I cant
I use internet explorer and had to go through a lot just to watch this on pluto tv
oh and the kids wanted buffat to fix the canues as girl troll sunk em
and buff fats dust attack would be dangerous as it could f up his lungs
also his camera would've picked up the troll b4 the dust would've blocked it
oh and when buggy is trying to get back his notebook he has the pencil in his hand even though its just floating in the air as his hand is open
k i'm caught up
so they are in the tree and talk about food and troll shares his blueberrys
they also talk about wanting to know eachother more and their homes they don't know about
they wakes up and its day and they gotta get back b4 their people know they were out all night
on the way back he bumps into fatt baff who figures out he saw the troll
wtf does buff fat have a huge crotch??
later buggu gets back a he gets the free morning and don't gotta be back tol lunchtime as the girl trolls pranks are f ing up da camp
buggy and troll see a deer and it eats trolls blueberrys
wait that sounds wrong
then it eats bugys blueberrys
then buff fat comes by and they hide under this dirt thing like in the 1st lord of the rings
we get kinda a montage of buggy and troll escaping the bullys and buff fat
so buggy and trpll go to the oldest tree in the forest with a sawblade in it that broke when someone tried to cut it down
theres a lesson to it troll sez but no one knows
then its lunchtime and buggy has to make banners for the thing
and in a few hours he gon see the place of da trolls or w/e
meanwhile girl troll wants to take out the water tower to soak da camp
but sez the kids will be at the lake and come back to their place f;d
then catches black ounding troll and sez he stinks of humans
what is this? the matrix??
he sez it was fat buff who almost caught him and they tell the boss troll
then he sez he met the buggy and they say humans are evil
sounds like tumblr
also he plans to leave
also theres a debate on if panking makes e set traps or vice versa on which came 1st
later buggy sez to teen girl that hes gonna hike with da guys
and teen girl is gonna move the party to the picknick area as the lake cr-p got f'd by trolls
once or twice at camp terra cotta in the 90s we played hide and seek and could only go 10 steps into the woods
I wandered off into the woods and moved rocks over a tiny stream for a while
when I got back they were mad as they didn't know where I was
so he meets black sounding troll who tells him he left for good and girl trolls prank is dangerous
but girl troll and her homies go out to stop him
so buggy and troll chat in a place only black sounding troll knows and figure out to use buff hat to try to stop girel trolls prank
girl troll and homies swipe fy paper and buff gat sees punk troll and has a seizue a bit and goes after him but f'd up
so the trolls cant find black sounding troll and figure he has a secret place
buggy and black sounder troll think about showing buggy to the trolls but they might not be ready
then they hide as girl troll comes by and gets buggys backback
then fat buff catches sm and punk troll and hums the ride of the Valkyries
oh and buggy bumps into the bullys but troll helps him evade em
and girl troll finds in black sounding trolls bag was candy beatles that he only made for her b4
she freaks out and kicks the bag but the drawings of buggy comes out and she sees hes going to their trolland
buggy escapes but is caught by girl troll and homies and she try to turn him agaimst black sounding troll
also this kid is a little weener as 2 action fugure sized trolls hold him down
f it
the video froze
f it
imma watch it on youtube
k i'm on youtube and found it in a distorted tilt thing to avoid copyright commiebots
lol buggy quoted luke skywalker's "datz not troo, datz imposible"
he then turns on his black sounding troll friend and runs off
then she trys to turn black sounding troll against him
but he don't fall 4 it
then buff aths catches the girl troll I think and finds the map drawing to the cave
black sounding troll trys winning back buggy but he wont turn
he caught girl trolls homies
butt fatt gets an infared cam and takes photoes of invisible trolls and dances f'd-ly
black sounding troll appears to butt stuff and gets chased
then buggy saves the trolls as he forgave em
oh good f--k that roll jumping off the table was just it posing and being dragged over the area
black sounding troll gets away and butt stuffer gets a big lawnmower like in Caligula or w/e to get da trollz
oh its a riding vacuum
b s troll tells da trollz butt fluff is coming for em and its his fault
butt fat spazzes out to ride of the Valkyries as he sucks the trolls but they plug his butt I mean hose with this plastic thing
then he gets out and goes after em
buggy and 2 trolls he saves try to convince girl trool to not do her terr er ist attack on the camp
it eventually works and she wants to go after stuff buitt
butty butt chases b s troll and gets caught in his own traps
its a good reversal on the last scene with bugy trying to stop girl troll
he gets caght in his cr-p and bos troll and b s troll say sorry for da pranx and hey aint bad
they reconcile
but girl troll don't like them getting along
and likes the old way
this is kinda good as it shows the lesson of doing bad because its tradition or someone told us to is bad
like circimsizing ur sons and daughters
or having unions
there may have been a time for it b4
but now its over
also buff butt wanted to be knighted and get a sword
but the queen is the bad guy
after assassinating daiana and chuckies other girl friends
might as well join the gacy fan club
and he sez he could've used his smarts to help people instead of wasting em on troll traps
boss troll makes b s troll the new leader
and he figured out the lesson
the tree was too tough to cut like a strong heart that wont stop believing in friends
what is this? sailor moon??
oh and girl troll wins the prank thing
and b s troll needs to be taught the ways of the boss troll
and buggy stands up to bullys and they leave him alone
buggy sez its his best summer and buff fat a55 wants to go after big foot
and theres 1 right by there
boss troll sez butt stuff and him became homies
girl troll started helping the camp kids in secret
like a guardian angel??
later humans and trolls met and became homies
and b s troll became the wisest boss troll
the end
the animation s-cked a55
but the story was good
and its kinda fun to see how jerky they made em move
you kinda get used to it after a bit
plus buggy didn't become friends with the bullys
most kids shows would have everyone befriend everyone
this shows even with friends, some cant be friends
pretty mature for a cr-ppy kids movie
better than most stuff we got on tv now
it had a good lesson and morals that people today need
I hold grudges but need to let em go
if I saw this as a kid, maybe I wouldn't
so I kinda liked it
its not trying to be a great film
its like those guys who do the dbz saga's in 5 mins with no budget using cr-p around their homes
its entertaining and kinda fun to watch em spazz out
for trolland 2 I want it to be in the year 2025 and the trolls are dealing with humans cyberizing their areas. the trolls are natural so they don't get along with metal and cr-p and they start rotting from how unnatural things are. they start taking down the systems but people start biting it from the systems f ing out and it starts a war between human and troll races. also its an 8 bit Gameboy, nes, gamegear, master system, Atari lynx and turbografix16 game where you play as either humans who use tech and rolls who use nature power and its like shining force or zone of the enders the fist of mars.

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