Monday, June 28, 2021

Mr And Mrs Smith Review

 note; i spell like agenbt smith in the good matrix movies, wait...

mr and mrs smith

this is my review on my and mrs smith from 2005 (the year the transformers ,movie happened)

its directal by Doug Liman who did The Bourne Identity, Jumper and Edge of Tomorrow

its prioduced by, aw f--k!! Akiva Goldsman! he did hancock, the losers, jonah hex and King Arthur: Legend of the Sword 

X-Men: The Last Stand, Jumper, This Means War, Fantastic Four and Dark Phoenix

i never saw tthis b4, but as these guys have done a lot of cr-p, its not looking good

this stars, bradd piutt, angelina joleee, vince vaigh, keith david, stephanoe march, William Fichtner from the 2010s ninja turtles and not really anyone i;'m familliar with

it made a lot of money but some said it wasn;t so great

so it starts with backdoor brad and anal angelina in therapy saying they been married for 5 years and things are ghood

thern title and they say how they met in columbia in bogota which the movie goit wrong as its not a slum in the jungle but a tall building city

in flash back bradmo meents angie and get wet have a weird wiggley romancer in the rainso after b0ning offscreen its daytime and they have breakfast

latyer they are at a carnival and she uses an air rifle cr-ppily and he nails it, but then she nails it

lat6er bradis doing mma and angie is doing rock climb ng andf talk about each other

they wanna get marreid and 5 years later they live in a big a55 house like in American Dad

they talk in undies aND GET DRESSED AND go to wurk in 2 cars

later at a job this wiener guy goes for hhis assignment and is given a photo and wants to go to an elevator or room or w/e bbut no one goes in

later its raining and bradmo comes backmmo and ang had the place redecorated

later brad goes in the rin to move the mower and if they are this rich then shouldnt they have butlers and servents and maids and slaves?

so in therrapy they say theres stuff they dont getta long withj and theres a void between em

after dinner where they make minor small talk that goes nowhere, ang goes out for work at night and so does brand

so anggoes top some place and brad goes to a bar and through the back area and finds a pokewwr game and fakes looking for a tpoilet

he offers to join anbd acts drunk and drops money and ang meets a guy in a robe and takwes off her coat to reveal an SM outfit thats pretty covered up compared to Go Nagai

at the card game, the 4th guy comes back and brad wastes him and the other 3 guys and ang doers SM with this scuzzy guy and snaps his nesck while he's tied up

she escapes on a zipline in her purse and goesd home in a cab and gets home but brad comes home

he sez he was at the sports bar and she slips on a dress and they go to a party btu she's got her SM sh-t on under it

1 mom has ang hold her baby but this ones not from ther 3rd world so she dont like it

later its day and brandgoes to his shed and under it is a hidden base like in Pokemon Emerald and ang has weapons hidden in her home like under the stove

who built this house?!

later braddy goes to work and gets a new target and in his office it has hidden computers and hes sent to wack a guy his boss sez is bad

you know what would be a twist? if the hitmen were trhe bad guys ansd one of em saw this and went rogue

also ang goes to a hidden area and is ordered by the guy from gargolyles to wack a dude

and its the same guy brad was sent for

so later in the desert the tareget is being relocated and ang is gonna j fk him

but brad a55 poops in on a dune buggy and p-sses on the ground

she thinks its a civilian and brad takes out a bazooka and sher caps him

he tanks it and blows her base with a bazooka and the area blows around brad but dont touch him and the target escapes

later hes at a bad talking about the other hitman and  she teells her boss that there was another guy and is sent to ice the witness

brad brings the laptop ang had to base and its examined and it has an address on it

bradingus goies toi the address and finds its Jane Smith on the list

ang looks at the footage and brad calls ang to aks about dinner

secretary as ang looks at footage; its your husband~!

also bradnusis working at John Smith

so he goosd hoome and  sneaks around and ang is there with drinks

he notices draino on the table and throws his drink in da plant

brad pockets a knife and takes her knife to carve the roast as she cuts the bread

he seems nervoius like shes gonna cut off his thing

they eat and he giivbes her wine but when he drips the bottle she ninja catches it

it fal;ls andn her gets his gun and she gets the caras he runs after her through the yard like ferris bueler

she runs him over but he hgets on da hood and kicks in it throufgh the windoiw

she jumps out and the car goes off a cliff

i never saw this, but imma guess that if theres a fight, he can't intentionally hit her, but she can do anything to him

so he goes off and stops by his drinking buddy vince vaugh ands sez his womans trying to wack him

vinmce sez shes probably been planning this for years and is a spy after him and ang's co worker gives her advicce

also ang didnt know brad was the hitman in the deserty until just now

man we're an hour in and not much happenmed

so da next dayt ang goes home and her crew comb throiugh it

she throws outstuff and tells kids outsaide shes having a garden party

then brad brings a neighbor in aas a human shield as he cghecks his empty home

his secret base was cleaned out and ang has her crew start a searcxh for bradinger

then brad calls and sez she has  to disappear and its revealled hes in the building

the calls are comming from in side the house!!

he's in the vents and the giirls team gewts trheir guns and wait its graPPLING HOOKS AND SLIDE ACROSS To the next building

brad catches her leaving and sjhe esacapes

so later hes somehow got back to vinnys place and he sez to ice her

the next day brad goes to soime building beuing made and in a steel thing in the air ang calls him

shje sez gett outta TOWN or she'll weaste him

he sez to blow the box and calls her bluff anmdf she blows the elevbator andit falls and busts into the ground

good. hes dead. h e double england. now end this cr-ppy film

yet he survived as he was actually in another elevator already set up

that makes no sense

also; didnt bill asnd ted 2 do that in the final battle how they wewnt back and set up the events after winning?

later shes at dinner and he shows up

she sh-ts herself and its really loud and a huge load and theres marbles and j-zz in it

jk really shes calm and he dances with her as they talk

he bumps her into a wal;and takes out her kunai and throws it to a wALL

this is woorse than the secks fighting in la bluue girl(as in less believable)

she goes oof and the place she went blows

she goes off and esacapes And he puts his coat in a mail box and it blows

they planted charges on each other i guess

they drive home and tell each other on car phones andf brad chats with her about their 1st meeting

so back door bradly coomes  home and sneaks around and sees her come in and gets her gun

he breaks in a window and sneaks in and gets a hidden dun that i guess alleged elite aNGLUIE NEVER NORTICED


so they have a loud gun fight that f--ks their home and no one gets hit

wiith slo mo as they gotta  have that to fake being cool

in 1 part he pulls a fridge hose and when she fires it catcghes fire abnbd blows

i dont think that works

they thery fist fight but he never slugs her, whiler she punxches him directally

yeah he bumps her into things, but no hits

in devilman,m akkira beat up shirenu

in vilence jack he chopped up the hermasphrodite and riopped the lesbian in haldf


EEVENTUALLY THEY HAVE EACHJ OTHER AT GUNPOINT But they drop the guns and start b0ning badlky

bbut we dont wsee nips or buns as gotta keeep it pg13

the neighbors come by about the noiuce but see em wearing a blanket and thgink they were jusdt violentyly b0ning

then vince is given the order toi wack braDF PITT

the next day brangelina have breakfast in their f--ked house and getta long

they talk about the guys they wacked and faked being on trips

then a disgruntled mail man comes by and throws gas grenades in their home

they escape in the basewnmenmt and get guns and ang asks why shes getting the girl gun?

dso is she the man in the rewlationship now?

a charttge comes down and brad duymba55ly kicks it under a fuel tthing and they run as the house blowes

they somehowe survive and both brad and ang are weareing shoes desp[ite having been b0ning a bit ago

threy gop to da car and he sez hew wwas an art history major, whuich means statues and psaintings of naked men

they driive and the radio has the song "makin love outta nothing at alll" anmd a car comes after em

he dumps sh-t out the trunk and she fires at em

they swap and she drives as hew fires but the cars are bulletproofd

brad sez he was married b4(was it the chick from lepreachaun 1?)

so brAD DUMPS a grenade in AN\ enemy caer and it blows bnut theres others

1 guy gets in da car but he throws him out

she sez her rents bit it ween she was 5 and her dad at da weeding was an actor

in a slo mo turn sdhe shoots the cars rightr and they fkip somehow

she ssez shes jewish and brads bummed he brought his real rents to the wedding

they meet vince in a bar and vince sez  the agenbcy is after em

vince sez if they split up they might live but if they doint they gon get iced

like a less awful romeo and jeuilte

meanwhiule the target that gotta way in in a secure plACE AND brad and ang get ready to take himn out

so brad snmneaks in the pipes and she gets b--chy tewlling him orders thast dont work as theres no left and she wants him to go left

he goes on his own and shhe kills the lightys as he ices guards

she hacks in anmd brad blows into the safe cell and takes him back to the truick somehow

we dont see how as they just cut to him in the van

she gets b--chy over him not obeying her and he counters that she wants a slave

they tell target both their bosses wanbt him iced and he sez if he dont tell em what he wants to know, he'd remove his thumbs and ice him

target asks for a drink and b---chy brad smax him

he reveals he's not the target but both of them are as the guys found out they were married and sent em to the same place ice each other

also his belt has a tracking device on itand all these agents went after em

but when thery get there, its just target and brange are under a sewer draion

one way out: puts gunb in mouth and or butt

bbackdoor brad wants to pull a 300 and stand and fight

so they go to the base and are in new outfitys to sell kore toys and the forces get there somehow knowing they wwere going there and the brangile are in newer outfits

they taKE DOWN AGENTS 1 AT A TIME AND i think they are in a home depot or somethning and its surptizingly bright despite it being jet black night

ang throws knifes into guysd and 1 stabs brad in his thigh

brad dumba66ly knocks iover cans and the agents open fire on em and brandgile takes the letatiotr

they get off, get shot at, return,mm go up and gunfight other guys

despite having a few guys machinegunning at her, ang takjes 09 hits and falls

bradmo saves her and they take fire but i guess are wearing vests 

they tear off their shirts to showe the vests and what they cover so the agents know where to firer and brading has an arm wound

she sez this is where she wants to be and they go out in slo mo firing

even dodging bazookas and posing as they are fired on

dont the enemy agents have body armorr??

so tney waste everyone and now are back in therapy and get along

ther end

that was kinda stoopid

over the top, unrealistic and not much plot

its not bad though

its entertaining in a dumb action way

its not as good as the arnold or stallone or jean claude and isnt as so bad its good as the segal films

but its not hatable

unless you hate the actors

but even still, its a mindless way to spend 2 hours + adds

glad i finally saw it

although it donty rwally end

its just kinda stops

it dont resolve the issue of the agency after em nor does it explain what they do about it

thats's kinda f'd

i think the makers cares more about stunts and fights than plot

but the stuntsd and fightsd didnt impress me

its not horrible

but not super great

for mr and mrs smith 2 i want for them to be 10 years in the future and building a resistance of ex hitmen to fight the agency and bringing in a new guy to bring em down and the new guy is who the story is abotu as he wants to avenge his fam who the agency iced. also its a 128 bit action platformer like shadow the hedgehog on dreamcast, gamecube, cboxc and ps2 where you play as a new character in a cybver suit that hives him speed and hover attacks and gottas do missions to get data cores to get info on the agency.

Saturday, June 26, 2021

Angel On My Shoulder Review

 note; i spell shoul;der style

angel on my shoulder

this is my review on anmgel on my shoulder from 1946

its directed by Archie Mayo who did The Petrified Forest and nothing else i sawed

it stars claude rai8ns, p[aul mini Anne Baxter, and a buncha 1800s dudes

i saw this b4 and its pretty good

its in great b/w and proper fullsdcreen

so after creditts tyo good Dimitri Tiomkin music we get a quote aboiut livinbg

then mini gets ouytta jail and his homie drives him  while talking aboyrt a guy wjho"crashed out" (which i dont know what it means)

so muni minis gonna return to his crime life and his homie is smily like nico smily from candy a55 yugioh arc v

then smily emptries a gun inmto muni and minu is in h-ll

so hes in danntes inferno and its kinda freeky  and theres guys witn a T for trustee

3 minutes in and the main guy is dead

its dbz all over again

pmuni don't get that hes dead and there's other sinners there who try to get him to see

hes kinda slow and dont get it and wants to get smily but is carriied off big big muscley guys

meanwhile, ryo asuka i mean clauide rains is malcontentthat theres less people coming in and they can't keep the heat up

but what about in Dante's Inferno how the bottom layer is ice?

czuld wants to ruin judge parkrt to thwart God's plans and claude i mean muni escapes and busts inot claudes room

the muscle guys carrys him off to the 55th circle of darkness and claude is glad as muini looks just like jusfe parker who he wants to ruin

mini wants to escape aind is shoveling coalin the file like a dlave amnd claude offersd to make a pact with him to get out if muni works for him

muni agrees and tey walk through the fires and to an elevator

claude drops hintrs and throws low balls and they go over miunis head as he only went to 3rd grade

muni had nothing and wanted to make something of his life and they go to thje surface and noo one can se or hear them unbtil he has a body

parker is munis exact double oike in the flintstones or simpsons and muni thinks as he has no finger he has no finger prints

but clauide says hes got no fingers to pull the trigger

so muni agrees to work for claude(who is brittish liek all bad guys) b4 getting revenge on smily

they go to the courtroom and the judge blacks out muni sezx hes the boss and claude goes along with it to get him to go by easier

so they go to the judges room and parker looks just like muni

caulde sez parker wont remember anything and uses powers to fuse muni into parker

so parkers future wife worries about parker and sez the elecvtions only a few days away

she taks with a guy about parker needing a shrink and goes home

the next day patrkers butler wakes him up and muni isamazed hes alive

muni acts like muni and  it confuses his butler who calls gf

muni wants a plane and money to get to saint lewis toi meet judy garland i mean ice smily

muni cracks the safe using his ninja skills and goes out to buyt a fireaRM

HE TAKES A PLANE WITH A LOAded gun as the 40s were more free and claude shows up and makes egine trouble to bring him back to ruin parkers rep

gf shows up and talks to butler about parker being weird and she calls shink who sez  "just go with his changes and be p[atient"

mini shows up and comments on gf beiing sexy and wants to b0ne her asnd claUDE IS THERE BUUT ONLY MUNI CAN SEE HIM


man we're like 40 mins in with adds

elsewhere parkerrs rivals use parkers black out as a wway to beat him in the election and send guys to the speech to f with him

so at the speech tthis kid gives him a watch as he did so much good and its kinda hearetwarming

a guy sez how parkers organization has reduced kid crime and helped a lotta people, esp kids

clauide tells muni to hate the people there as its their kind who sent him to jail aND TO TELL EM OFF AS AWFUL AS HE CAN

muni goes up aND the rival xvandidates men shjowe upo mandf threw cr-p at him b4  he can tell em the sh-t talk

so muni goes down and kicks their a55es as claude sez to take the hits as the rival guys are his friends

he dont care as its him getting beat on and it makes parker look like a bada55

nowadays parker would be seen as the bad guy for fighting back

so the kids are nice to him  annd he goes home and gf sez to not be so rough

he wants burbon and cigars and gf and butler sez he dont smoke nor drink

he sends butler out and chuggs booze but camn't handle it as its not his body

same with cigars and she wants to go home but he thinks they live in sin

he blax out and  the next ddayt, muni and clauise take a cab and oh gfs there too

so they are gonna have a court thing and muni talks of smily and gf dont get it

the cab driver outs muni talking of smmily and his crime ring ti the rivals and the rival candidate wants to use this

caulde wants muni to work with this crook to ruin parkers rep

he is guided by claude tto know legal things like pascow in pet semetary and lawyer pays parker for aa ruling

tthey bring in the defendants and muni recognizes the girl as his ex gf who was cheeting on him

he tells em hes gonna throw da book at em and as a guy comes in, muni throws the money at em and sez he wouldnt take a million

clause is p-ssed ast muni inaADVERTENTLY F ING THE PARKER PLAN AGAIN

SO parkerr pretty much has the electtion and gf worrys about him and she talks to shrink about it

so laater the rival canditdates guys go to see smily (and claude rrains is called Nick so Nicko Smily) and claude sez them ideas about sending smily to the judges place

meanwhilegf shows muni the home they aRE BUILDINHG and plans a happy future

he's  moved by her wanting to have a family with him and how had he not been a thug, he could have had this good life

for once in his life(kinda ) he tasted goodnessand he loved it

but he don't feel right as he made a deal with dark ruler and claude comes out berhind a tree

you know, he was the invisible man and now hes invisible to all but muni

so claude sez smily is in town and is gonna use the money he iced muni for to start satuiff here

claude sez muni cant change and a hal;o wouldnt suit him (just like real life) and sesz he's yeellow if he dont ice smily

also if claue dont ice smily,m them smily will ice paarker and ruin gfs future

he is turned to buy it and iss gonna do evil to do good

he tells gf a scenario that if theres a poison rat comming for his kids, would he waCK IT?

she sez yes and he takes her car and shje realizes it

as muni drtives with claude, the cops pull him over and claude tellsa him to say hes in his fuiture wifes car and is going to give a speech

when he tells the cops hisa future wifes mname they say she called in the car stolen and bring him in

at the station claude tries to turn muni agianst gf and he dont buy it

gf coimes by and sez she donty know him and he trys to explain his situatyion to her withougn saying it

he sez hes channging for good and needs her to trust him and she asks him to make a deal that she;'d help him if he marrys her

so is this bigamy? 2 souls 1 wife?

so tney go to church and claude rians dont like it and the priest aks whhy they wanna get married

the priest has a wife?! thats not canon!

so priest recitres bible verses and muni knows aboutt the fires

when talking about the evil one, muni recognixzzes one of the names and priest says to listen to the angel on your shoulder

claude rains has no power over a good man and muni goes out to talk to claude

after like 80 minutres with adds, muni finally puts 2 and 2 togteher and sees that as he's done nothing wront since being brougt back, claude can;'rt touch him

claude sez to get married and he goes to do it but at the ceremony he realizes that he can't do it as its wrong as claude wants it

gf can't take it and he explains in a weird way she wantgs fred parker(better than ben paker, he got iced)

she gets it and drives him home and at home he sees claude and smily on the couch sleeping

claude sez the gun he used to ice him is on him and to wack smily

muni takes the gun and recalls the Priests words and puts it back

muni nevcer iced a sleeping hguy and claude wakes him up

muni makes a drink and smily walkes up and smily sez he wanted to work with parker in his crime work

muni askes about mni and smily sezx munis dead and muni sez he knows about the wacking

muni shows his face and smily freaks outr seeing his face

muni bada55ly implies hes muni and smily backs up and smily drops the gun athis words

smily freaks out and backs up and falls out a window and splatters on the concrete like a sack of pasta offscreen

claude sez he cant go back without muni as no one escaped and only muni can go back by his own will

claude complains to God about howw this illiterate hick beat him at the plans of The Lord who's been pulling the strings the whole time

claude reasons that muuni needs to leave to free parfker and gf can be happy

and as muni isnt evil anymore, claude can;'t affect him

muni makes a pact saying if he goes back, then claude will leave parker and gf alone for life

muni agrees to go back after asaying bye to gf and wshe comes over and he sez bye and wait, what about smily splattered on the pavement?!

its kinda touching as he wont see her as she's going to heaven and he aint

so paul muni goes back to h-ll and she calls someone , oh its dr, and mnis spirit comesout and watches her

parker says her name for the 1st lines he had this whole filme and they reiunite offscreen

muni notices how good the world is and claude swears to torture him forever

but muni sez he has dirt on claude and says he's keep his lips sealed if he gets to be a trustee

the end

that was grande

its mostly lite, no swearing or violence(outside a fishfighty) aND good acting and writing

its got heart and makes you feel

its something i would reccomend to a priest as FamilyFriendlyGaming would say and it shows how The Lord is in command even if things seem bad

its well put together and has has good twists and looks great in b/w

i liked this and it holds up well today

its got some mild comedy and good heart

for Angel on my shoulder 2 I want it to be the 60s and one o judge parkers kids is being tempted by drug dealers and hippies to abandon his wholesome life and enjoy deviancy and sin. but it turns out they hippies and junkies are guided byu claude rains, now played by an even more birttish guy, and each 10 mins, the teen has to make a choice between virtue and vice and each one is based on the seven deadly sins and 7 heavenly virtues. also its an 8 bit game on sega manster system and game gear, nes and game boy, atari lynx and 7800s and tg16 where each level you have a mini game based on the virtures and sins and which one yo choose determines which ending you get depending on which viurtue or vice you chose with dozens of possible endings

Thursday, June 24, 2021

Master Of The World Review

 note i spell masterfuilly

master of the world

this i my review on mastrer of the world from 1961

its based on 2 books byu jules verne;  Robur the Conqueror and Master of the World

its got vincent prie, charles bronson and Ken Terrell from Attack of the 50 Foot Woman, The Ten Commandments, Angel and the Badman

its wreitten by richard matheson who did a buncha twilight zone eps and drecied by William Witney who did nothing i ever saw or heard of

i never saw this b4 but i think my dad has a classics illustrated comic of it somewhere

so after footage of planes and a narrator sayiing how man always wanted toi reach the sky

spoiler; ancient aliens on the history channel says beople in the past hung out with space demons or w/e

then a history lesson about da vinci and vernes ideas and footage from the silent era of people trying to fly

this goees on for a while

eventuallly the right bros got it and man became: master of trhe world!

i wanna take his face... off

who am i? i';m spiderman!


so then opening credits and title

so its the distant futurew year of 1868 after the alleged civil war in pencil vania

2 guys whine about how nothing happpens and theres an earthquake and a voice quotes the Bible of tthe eend times

then its philedelphia and this club is having a meetiung about where a propeller should be on a balloon

bronson chats with a chick and says 2 guys areguing are her husbamnd annd fianncee

dad meets bronson after the meeting and sez the tiwn in penciil vania might have a volcano and he wants to uuse the clubs balloon to get up there

bronson ssez he wants to go up and use a telescope to see whaats up and dad and bf bicker over where the pro;pellor is

dad bg annd girl plan to go up with bronsson to check it out

they do so and dad sez the ballloon was made in his factory that makes arns

out of the volcano comes missiles and 1 hits tthe balloon and it goes dowen into the volcano

is this gonna be like journwey to the cemnter of da urth?

who will rule new urrth? primal rage!

so vincent preince comes by asas they are ko ed and they wakwe up ina room

bromnson trys to jimmy the locked door but cant and the dioor isnt wood nor metal

in comes a gun man who has em come with him and the guys finds its an airship

vin sez they are going 150 miles an hour and sez he brought em her to save em from da volcano andto keep[ em from telling of his sh-t if they survived

vin sez they can go when he sees fit and makes ewm dinner

is this like 20 000 leafues below the sea?>

later at dinner he sez he has no nationality and his crew are citizens of the world

vin sez sorry for making the quake with his ship and that a balloon cvan circle da uirth i 10 years but he can in 10 days

i question that numbering

then we see the ship and its sorta zepplin meets the yamato FROM THAT ANIME

so vin shows them around his battle fortress and its tech and its powered by electricity and magnetism

they by an armory and 1 guy wonders why he needs it

why have a fire extinguisher if you live without a fireplace?

the ship is 150 feet long by 20 wiide and is made of paper and hydrolically squeezed with clay and stuff

i wanna say that won't work, but after all the myth busters and thousand ways to die, i don't know whats real

he shows em a suiper telescope that uses priosmatic lenses and moves the ship around to show him drive it

chick accidentally turns on the voice  magnifier that was used to broadcast the message in pencil vania by mistake

vin speeds up and has a speed meter on the side measurted by wind to say its over 200 milres an hours

vin sez hew wpnt ell da gov of his sky base and shows them their rooms andgivees emn nerew outfits

bf abnd dad talk abouit what to do and byronson gets changed and bf wants to escape when it lands

bronson goes around and finds the kitchen where the frencxhie shef isa spaZZING out and asks about vince

frenchie covers the listening things and gives several possible backstories for him like with Tommy Wiseau

then he and chick wearing the unmiform thats blue and white styripes like the opposite of the red striped guy in 20 000 leagues and they notice they are leaving the country

dad yells to a boat like they can hear him and vin hears as he comes in

vin recogniases his name as an arms maker and sez its ironic

vin sees an American war ship and lowers hisd sky casatle and orders the ship crew to ditch as in 20 mins hes gonna blow it

he takes the ship up and the war shjip fires on him but dont do much as i guess paper beats rock

vin fires on em and nukes the ship  and saez its better destroyed than existing

later bf and chick chat about howe bf hates vin for being a coward and not following the rules of battle

at dinner dad bashes vin for nuking the ship and vin sez its worse that the war ship was built

vin sez hes declaring war on war and wants to end war by ordering da govs to stop their military ort he'd nuke em

good f--k this guys like those malcontents who wanna ban guns to stop people from dying, but ignortes that in jail people beat each other dead or make shanks outta toilet paper

trying to end war by getting rid of weapons is like attacking the arrow and not the aRCHER

h-ll even animals go to war!

chimps beat dead rival gangs AND TEAR OFF THEIR PARTS

ants raid other colonies and steal larva to use as slaves for their queen(like england in 1812

what abouit those fighting fish that spazz out seeing a mirror?

or dolphions killing sharks for fun?

and if we ban weapins, then people wil ise something else

look at how soviet england banned guns and han knife crime, so now they have " sensible knife control"

you gonna bnan anything that can be used as a weapon?

like a power rangers action figure you can hit a guy with? or a pencil like in the dartk knight?

also vin thinks if you serll something to someone, the seller isd responasible for whatever the buyer does

the only way that works is if you casn read minds or see the future

man vin's playing a nut

what next? animal rights?

plant rights??

so bf and dad return to the room and tell bronson cave that the water tanks re gonna be refilled soon over soviet ireland

and they wanna escape then but bf dont trust buronson and sez if he tells vinny then he's ice him

then dad tells bf years ago he sold arms to the devolved country of soviet england and it moves to bronson chatting to chicxk

bron sez cuz he works for da gov he has to stop vince and chick thinks vins ideas aint so bad

then bf and dad wanna escape and want bronsons knife and he letys em have it

chiuck tellss bf  bronson is trying to stop vinny but he dont buy it

so bf cuts through the net and  the sahip is not landing but will suck the water up like that alien in calvin and hobbes

thenn the guards catch them and bring em to vince and bf sez the escape was all hisa idea

turns out broinson outed em if they wouldnt be punished but vcin has bf takes to the ropes instead of executed

the men put a rope on him and llower him ouyyt the ship, which seems like some kinda ride

vin wants him there for 15 mins but dad attacks vin and vin sez to send dad out too

bronny takes dads place and is lowered but bf trys to kill him cuz hes a hothead

thery go lower and nearly hit treez and something in the ship f'd out and it goes down

evewntually they're by the artic i think and vin has his crew to emergency positions

chick cant see the guyys as dad sez "they're below the clouds" even though they were  going by rocks a sec ago

1 rope breaks and vin sends his men to save bronsonb and bf

they bring emn up and bron saved the bf

dad comes to vinny and offers him 10 million dollers to return them and vin sez he can get more and didnmt do this for money

he reads the message hes gonna send to england ordering them to end their military and dads sez vince will be stoppped

later chick cghex on bron and he sez he outed em to save em as they wouldn;'t make the jump

later vince comes in and checks on bron and sez sorry and admires him for doing what he must even if it drives em away

vin knows broin wants to stop him and should ice him but he wants to have breon  join him for world peace

bron dont wanna join so vin has bron promise not to interfere AND bf wakes up

vin goes and bf bashes him for submitting to vincent price but bron sez he wont follow giving his word as he thinks its ok to lie to stop a bad guy

also bron sez he should've faked joining him to find his weakness soooner and dont care about honor

you know the samurai would pull out their guts over stuff like that

chick comes in and bashes  bron foir being a p-tz and bf for being b--chy to bron after brin saved him

so then the ship in in soviet england and drops leaflets over it

oh no! words disdagreeing with them! thats deadly to englishmen! thats why they have laws against dangerous speech there!

vinny tells n the megaphone that they they have 20 mins to escape b4 hge blows their fleet

they fire on him and he drops a deuce on them and they blow  back to h e double french canada

so the paper spreads word of him blowing countries armed force and we getta montage to show his advance

bron sez they gotata take out the ship and maybe go out with it

they vote to do it and after f--kin up europe, the ship heads for Americvca

wait, they are heading for egytp ands theres a battle gonnas happen

2 groups battle from footage from the four feathers or w/e and vinny drops missiles on em

he loweres thew ship and the recoil from his asttacks damages the ship

vince and chick took damage AND dad is having viet nam flash backs or something and looks on spazzy

the ship can't go higher or turen around as itys in a tall rocks place and some propopellers are f'd out, and if they go slower they'll fall

they have da crew use poles to push the ship as thery go by and bf's ribs are butt f--ked from the rope thing

vin fires the rocket and blows the hill ahead and bf sees chick hugging bronny after they got by

so vin has em work through the night to fix the ship and anchor by an island

how does the ship stay up if its stopped by an anchor?

dont it gotta keep moving to stay up?

so bron and friends go to the armory to blow the ship and kill everyone on board

2 blades are fused togrether and a crewguy gets some gunpowder to blow it

he goes by the armory and ;leavves b4 the bf shanks him wiith broinsons knife

bron gets gunpowdder annd as they go they beat out another crew man

bron uses powder and towel to make a 15 min fuse and they sneak around and dad goes doowen the anchor rope

bron is gonna stay berhind to plant the fuse and chick goes down

bron goes to the skarmory aND LIGHTS it up but therwes crewmen there outside

they hear the guy bron beat ouyt and bron escapres as they helpo him

but whrenbron gets back, bf beats him out and escapes down da rope

vin figgers that bron ands his droogs did it and sends men looking

bron comes to as thery see him and gets shot but walks it off

vin finds out amnd has the crew crang the ship down, which i doint think will work

bron cuits the rope butgets capped so bf helps huim and the shjip flies off

vincento circles around and the rmnory blows and creww tellsa vincent the ships f'd

vin tellls his men to evacuate aND sez thnx for their loyalty and wanbnders around to his room

the crew comes to him and sez they can't leave him amd theres whast i think is a bible verse and the ship blows

then an on screen quote from Jules Verne about hios dream going to an educated world who wont abuse it

the end

thast was pretty good

i never read the books but the movie was good

nice acting, writing and music

good effects

simple but effective

good ideas and not really having a BAD guy but different sides fighting foir whats  right

sorta like robotech or gundam

hees not eviul, just does questionabnlre things to acheive what he sees as good

like magneto in x mnen

overall its a good movie and was by american international piuctures who i thik did those roger corman classics

its well made and tells a good story that fits well even in this era

Also the captain down to h-ll with his ship to stop war was used in 20 000 leagues and I think the mysterious island

For Master Of The World 2 I want vincent prices back up plaN TO KICK IN AS he had a second ship built in case and run by his sister who has been working on upgrades and lauinches it to wipe out the militaries. but shes less honorable than her brother and has gone vegneful against the world for driving her brother dead so she just blows apart cities  if they don't obey her. also there are steampunk power suits that America has developed to fight back and prepares a new group of elite soldiers to train for it at an academy before the sister reaches America! Its also a 16 bit Shmup like buurning Force on snes, sega genesis, gba, tg16 and atari jjaguar where you play as a new recruit and work your way up in training missions and the final level is the boss fight against the sky fortress

Monday, June 21, 2021

Roman Holiday Review

 note; i speel right for me

roman holiday

this is my review on roman holiday from 1953

iots got gregory pecok, audry pepburn and no one else i know of

its written by commie dalton trumbo and was directed by William Wyler who did )Wuthering Heights from 39

i nver saw this b4 but hgear its good

after credits, a princess is in soviet london and goes around soviet west europe

eventually shes in italy (where chef boy ar dee came from) and its a fancy gathering

the commoners bow befdore her as they are subservient to the regent

more high rank guys come to see her and many are probably inbred(better know as, keeping it in the family)

she greets em 1 at a time and has issues standing in her cr-ppy shoes

her shoe comes off and she sits down and its out and later she dances with dudes

so later she is in her bed and wants to wear normal clothes instead of her mormon magic nightgpown

she wants to join the party and her slave wont let her as her whole day is planned out tomorrow

man being a royal must really s-ck

no wonder they turn evil and kill/oppress the humans

when G W Bush's daughter got married, no one cared

When g w bush got married, no one cared\

but when he became president, people cared of him

but in devolved countries, they spam news of their royals doing little things no one cares of

i got so sick of hearing of the royal weddings in soviet canada about tgaye olde england

its like the kardashians time 10!

if only we sided with Zee Kaiser in WW1, no england, no ww2, no commies, no candya55es

so she throws a spazz and goes mental over having too much stress and wants to be dead

just date outside the regentrs race and out their secxrets of lust, thats why diana got iced

so they give her the needle to i assume midewipe her so she wont recall this

after her slaves go, she puts on normal clothes, even thoguh shes a regent and has no need for human clothes, and sneaks out

she gets on a truck and it drives off from her safe palacer into the commoner world and slums

likre alector in Urotsukidoji 3

hope this don't turn out like suddenly last summer where the cannibals get her

so she gets out after a while and elsewhere is greg snegoff i mean peckl and he';'s playing cards

synchro summon!!

so 1 player has a photo thing with the princess the next day and when he goes out he finds her on a bench

and she's on drugs!!

seeing his chance, he takes her behind a shrub and starts b0ning her mouth

jk he really calls a cab and the driver looks like the guy from antropophagus

shes tootoo stoned to talk right and sez she lives in the collesuim and he has the cab guy drive him home

he pays the fare and gives him extra to take her where she wants and the cab guy doesn't want the responsibility

in the real version he;'d be b0ning her

so back at gregori rasputins place he brings her in and gives her jammies

she wants help getting undressed (which seems likeit would be in an anime) and she starts getting undressed

he sez to go on the couch and leaves her to cheange

at the castle, they find shes out and say to keep it secret

when greg ciomes back he sees her in bed and makes sound to wake her up

he flips the covers to get her to the couch and ther media spreads fake news of the princess being ill

the next day he wakes up and finds he mnissed his interview with ther princess

seeing his failure, he atones for his sins by comitting seppuku and pulling his guts out in the hotel

jk he goes in and finds fakes having been to the interview

the boss goes with it and eventually tells him the news sed shes sick and he's full of sh-t

when boss shoes him the paper he recognices prinmcess and gets the h-ll outta his office

greg calls his homie and sez to check his place and when he sez yes, he sezx to make sure no one goes in or out(like its his a55)

btw how did he not know what she looked like? wasn't her face in all the papers b4?

he asks boss how much for a secret intervierw with her on all her secret desires

boss offersd him 5 000 life points i mean $$ and boss bets dougary grant i mean gregorio 500 $ that he can't get the ntervierw

greg wants to go back to soviet new york and be a real reporter

greg comes back and offers his homie double his money if he pays him

greg pavich locks himself in the room with her and checks that its her, which he should've done b4 making the bet

later sher wakes up and is a bit confused and he fills her in

she sez to call her anya like that chick from drgeassi and wants to go but he sttarts her a bath

as she hoses herself off he goes out to a phone and calls a chum who looks like a more evolved seth rogan and sez he needs help

in da apartment, ther maid comes by and opens the windows and finds her in da batyh

maid b--ches out and chick hides in the bathgroom

greg comes back and finds her chopped up and her pieces decorating the apartment

jk shes out on the balcony and looking at the commoners beneihth her

he lets her go out and goers afgter her but she comes back wanting money

he offers her 1000 italiano money, which is under 2 dollers in real money and homie who lent him money thinks hes paying her for b0ning

she goers out in the outside and dont get how to functuioin or act out here in the human world

la blue girl daemon; you know we weren't meant to have secks with the human giurls

other daemon; if i could just get the clearence!

so u s grant i mean greg tails her a55 and her being royal and not knowing how the humans work is like in aladdin

she goes to an italiano barber and she gets her hair cut

she comes oiut with an itAlaino swear word shaved into her head

jk really its like betty from the 60s spider man

gregotries to take a camera from a kid but the teacher stops him

so her hair is cut more and sher looks like a guy and the barber tries to seduce her

shge dont consent and she goes out and the barber looks kinda like super luigi

greg folows her and 1 flower guy who looks liek falcone from gotham on fox offers her a flower

gre catches up to her and she sez she ran away from school and was drugged

gregg offers her to hang out on holiday all day

so its ferris bueler?

so they go to a cafe/bar like in art of fighting 1 and she wants champaign and they chat

he sez he sells fetilizer and chemicals and chum rogan comes by and almost spills the beans of knowing she looks like the princess

grag  spills his drink on chum to keep him from sayting the job and knocks him over for nearly saying she looks like the princess

he takes chum rogan out back and reveals the plan and deal hes got and get 50 american dollers and he;'s pay him back 1250 $ later

they go out and she has her 1st smoke and she doesn't have any issues

so chum rogans gf comes by and greg and chick leave

meanwhuile, the regent sent in his goons to help bring her back

so greg and chick drive around and chummer snaps p[hotografs

1 part has chick and greg outta control on a scooter

in the modern version they'd be driving up wal;s and using cg and slo mo

btw this is like not even a decade after mussolini was running things

they get arrested and greg and chummer smooth it over

they italianos shake her hands and 1 smooches her, then gregs cheeks

now they are gonna turn italiano in the next fuill moon

then they go to the mouth of truth and she puts her hand in this carved face on a roick wall

if shes a liear it bites ur hand off

she survives but his hand it bit off

but he was faking as a joke

they get driven around in a small car that not much bigger than a power wheels thing and they go to this place where people were nearly killed a while ago and if you write on the wall, ur wish might come true

she sez at midnight she'd turn into a uimpkin as i guess shes got a plant tf fetish

maybe thats weehere the killer tomatoes cartoon got it from

so its night and they go on a boat for dancing and the royal guards are under cover with them

so they dance and shes glad he spent the dasy doing sh-t she always wanted to dop

then she meets luigi the barber and his name is really mario and he dances with ehr

chummer rogansnaps a phopto graphe of barber mario and princess dancing

in danced barber combs her hair, then his, with the same comb

now we haver things like hair aids so we dont dothat

a suit goondances with her and sez hes got a car waiting for her

she dont consent and a fight breaks out and the band plays action msuic

carerful, they have a license to kill

the greg the girl and the chummer seth rogan escape and jump in da water as the cops arrest the rolay guards

on the shore they smooch and eascape back to his apartment and change

the radio sez princess is still ill and she sez she learned to sew clean and cook but has no one to do it for

she sez shes gottas go ANDSS THEY hugg and he drives her near the palace

she sez she has to go and wont see him again and they hug and smooche

this is seeming like student prince in old heidleberg

the 20s ver was wonderful and i cried at it

she goes out and he waits for a whiule then drive off

she sez she dont recall the last 24 hours and she sez she came back as she knows of her rolay duty

latert at gregs apartment his boss comes by and wants the story

boss dont buy it when gred sez he dont got it and knows word has it princess was out all day

chummer comes by and greg uses vaudville sticks to trip and spill on him to keep him from outing it

greg sez he was wrong and had no lead and will lose 50 $ a week for 500 $ of money

greg tells chummer seth that theres no story and shummer shows greg the phgotoes

so chummer sez princesses are faIR GAME and leaves and later greg oes to the interview of the chick

she notices greg and the reporters ask her questions

chummer is seenn by her taking photoes and later she greets the reporters

chummer gives her the photoes and she sez hi to greg

she smiles with kind of a joker grin and afterward, greg walks out to silence

the end

that was actually pretty good

nice, mild, lite, positive, and a bit sad in a heart moving way

nowadays they'd ruin it with swearing and drugs and blood and lust

but this was cleaner annd more wholesome

and not even a decade after the itaklian stallion ruled

itts a well done movie that has been ripped off and took inspiration from greats

glad i saw it

its pretty good

also its in proper full screen and has classy b/w

for Roman Holuday 2 I want the photo guy to have kept a copy of the photoes and released it tyo the media to get rich! the royals send their goonms out to execute anyone involved and princess escapes to save gregory peck. its aLSO  an 8 bit game on nes, game boy, sega master system and game gear, tg16 atari lynx and 7800 where you play as the princess and use the magic jewwels of the royals to gain the power to get through these cities and fight off the hit men after gregory peck by useing them to get past obstacles and powering up in jewel armor to beat up the goons. Also the princess is arranged to marry her cousin and he's a devolved looking guy from all the inbreeding and is the one who sent the hit men after greg outta jealosy

Friday, June 18, 2021

Game Reviews Volume 14 From 2021

My feelings on games I played in the 2st quarter of 2021

 Just beat Rainbow Islands: The Story of Bubble Bobble 2 on my 100 Master System games in 1 GBA Cart.. Its a game where you play as one of the now human guys from Bubble Bobble and go across 7 islands blasting Rainbows to take out enemies. If you nail em directly with the shot they drop an item for points but it you aim above em and jump on it to send it down, it might drop a jewel. If you get 7 different jewel colors you get a big jewel for the level. Get all 7 levels big jewels and you get access to the secret level at the end. Other power ups are a Double Rainbow and  a Star Spin thing that sometimes takes out other foes. After 4 areas in an island you get a boss fight that has you fighting a big thing similar to another game like the Darius ship or the head from Arkanoid. You get 3 guys and unlimited continues and there's a level select code to start at the 1st area of any of the 8 levels, even if you don't got all the big jewels you can go to level 8. Also if you use a life on a level you continue on the last screen move but if you use a continue you start the island over. But if you use a continue on a boss you stay on the boss. Its kinda tricky at times but if you keep at it you can eventually get good or lucky. Also if you resummon after biting it, you are invincible for a bit and can take out guys by touching em and get jewels. 1 thing is walking up Rainbows but if you do it moves you right to the top instead of walking up at segments. Some hits seemed kinda cheap and you can chain Rainbows by having them connected and can dump em all in a big wave. Its a decent game and plays pretty well and has nice music and good 8 bit colors and graphics. Glad I played this. Its worth checking out

Just wasted almost 6 hours on R Type on my 100 Master System Games In 1 GBA Cart. Its a Shmup where you play as a slow spacecraft going through several levels blasting aliens or w/e. You get like 3 Continues but there's a trick to get 12 more, then another trick to get 30 more, then a trick to get 30 more each time you do it. 1 button blastsa but you can hold it to charge a stronger blast. Also these Zentraedi Officer Pod looking things drop power ups like homing missiles, orbs that go above and under your craft, and weapon power ups. You got a rolling fire that travels on the ground, A corkscrew blast that goes straight and lasers that rebound. But you can only use em if you have an option power up that can be launched off or recalled wit the other button. You can also equip the option on the back of the craft and fire in reverse. Its pretty hard as you bite it in 1 hit but the Option can block small shots. The problem, is each Officer Pod  releases the same power up each time, so if you get to a part that needs 1 power up and don't got it, you cant. Also there's halfway checkpoints but this can ruin the game as in the 2nd last part, I needed an Option to get through this maelstrom of guys and couldn't go back and get one. I tried for several hours but eventually had enough and gave up. I couldn't even make it to the boss! Also the enemy fire is dark red dots and they can be hard to see against the background. 1 mistake on 1 level, and the whole game is wrecked! I slogged through the 1st most of it and if I were to go through it again, 1 mistake and I'd have to go back to the start just to get that power up again for another try. Its not worth it. I wanted to like this game, but its unbeatable without weeks of time eating. Even using a rapid fire controller thing couldn't get past it. What a waste

Just beat Earthbound on my Snes collection. Its a Jrpg set in 199X but unlike Hokuto No Ken, Riki-Oh and Urotsukidoji, its not a post apocalyptic wasteland. You and 3 other kids gradually team up and collect 8 memories of the main kid and unlock his powers or w/e. Its got an offbeat 90s feel and starts out normal but turns weird with monsters and robots and time travel like DBZ or something. Its really well written and has good feels. You got HP and Esp points that can use Psychic spells to heal or fight and you get money added to your bank account  by beating guys. Its not too hard until the end where you fight Ghost Starmen and they can wipe you out fast, but if you grind against guys, you can have the main guy strong enough to survive and revive the others. Its bright and colorful and has some lurking darkness under the surface, but its got an overall light atmosphere. If you take damage, your points go down and b4 they hit 0, you can cast a healing to save em, or if the battle ends, the points stop dropping. You can equip items and boost stats and 1 kid is a nerd so if he has a broken item, he can fix it while sleeping. If you bit it you lose half your on hand cash but the cash in the bank is untouched. Also you gotta pay to heal HP and Esp Points are restored by hotels or touching butterflies. If you are strong enough, you can beat enemy's by running into em without a battle screen. When out in a place with enemies, you can see em walking around and can avoid em of fight em. If you get em from behind you get a free shot but if they get you, they get it. Its quite a good game and I can see why everyone likes it. Glad I played it.

Just beat Sonic & Sega All-Stars Racing on my 482 DS games in 1 Multicart. Its a car racing game like Mario Kart but with Sega characters like The Fantasy Zone Ship and a guy from The House Of The Dead. You can change the controls but there's only w ways to choose from and you can't choose which buttons do what. A is gas, B is reverse, D pad steers, L fires Items and Holding R lets you drift and you can use this to build up for a speed boost. You got 6 cups with 4 races each with 3 laps and if you come in 3rd or higher after all races positions are added up, you unlock the next race. You can choose difficulty and which character to use and stick with them through that cup. You also build up points from races and can spend them to unlock other characters. I find Alex Kidd and the Space Channel 5 Chick are pretty good, as is Sonic. Its got good graphics and the music is nice and mostly from past games like Amy's super move song is her theme from Sonic Adventure 01. If you are in last place and get an item you can get a super item that gives you the edge like speeding through the course. I find the worst levels were the Super Monkey Ball ones as they had too many hard to handle curves and its easy to get stuck. Its a pretty good game and I was feeling kinda done with racing games after Road Rash, Out Run and Super Hang On but this was pretty nice. Glad I gave it a chance.

Just beat Marble Madness on my 106 Game Gear games in 1 GBA Multicart. This game is impossible! You got 6 levels and a time limit to get to the goal. but if you fall into acid or get eaten by a slinky or fall off a cliff or fall too far, you break and gotta resummon, which eats time. The controls are bad. Its like weird isometric where you move on an X with a + D pad. The black marbles are stronger than you and you can't push them but they push you. If you get bumped or fall wrong you get stunned and it screws up the controls. Plus being on Game Gear means the screen is cropped and you got less room to move in. If you beat a level, the remaining time is added to the next level, so the level select is useless as you won't have enough time to beat it without saved time from the last few levels. Save your wasted time! The last level is an ordeal and you got disappearing platforms to roll over to get to the next spot and if you fall off, you resummon on the last unmoving platform you touched and gotta wait for the platforms to cycle through to get back on. This is the worst forme of Marble Madness I played and is pretty much impossible. I only beat it by abusing save states and even then this took dozens of minutes, but on a perfect run, it can be done in like under 8. No lives or continues and you run outta time, back to the start! The graphics and music is ok for 8 bit but i I didn't get this game in a bundle, I'd regret buying it. Its pretty bad mainly cuz of its awful controls and impossible challenge. I don't mind hard games, but this is just unfair.

Just beat Knights of the Round  on my Snes Collection. Its a Hack N Slash Beam Em Up where you platy as weak but fast Lancelot, strong but slow Percival or balanced Arthur and fight through a buncha levels. You get 2 lives per continue and 9 continues but its easy to get iced in here. You return right where you bit it but the Continue screen uses Start to go on and then you go to a Character select thing chosen by A or B or W/e but moving the D Pad changes characters so its easy to accidentally press Up to move and choose someone you don't want. I used Arthur and the other guys kinda s-ck. The more points you get you eventually Level Up and get stronger and more armor and look cooler.  1 button is jump, 1 attacks, 1 blocks which you gotta time right as it only lasts a second or 2 and makes you invincible for it and 1 is super attack that eats life. You can reassign the buttons in the options menu. Some bosses you gotta block and attack and I think screwing with the D Pad while attacks lets you do different moves at times. You can chop up Treasure and food  into smaller parts that I think give more total apart than together maybe. Its got good graphics and music and plays pretty well but I prefer Golden Axe or Streets of Rage. I think Water Margin ripped some of it off but I think Water Margin was better. Its a good game based on the Historical Figures of King Arthur and his homies. Glad I played it but some bosses are pretty unfair. Oh and the worst enemy is The Tall Man as he takes lots of hits and can flip you around if he gets close.

Just beat Hyper Iria on my Snes Collection. Its based on an anime OVA Series that's based on an 80s Live Action Movie. You play as this chick and fight aliens or daemons or mutants or w/e that look cool and go through 5 missions that you can choose any of the 1st 4 from. You can assign the main 4 buttons to Jump, Kick, Item and Weapon and L and R cycle through Items and Weapons. You go through a maze of doors to go places and eventually fight a boss and move on. Between levels you can buy weapons and items and car carry up to 3 of each. Its kinda confusing where to go but you can figure it out through trial and error or watching a walkthrough. Its pretty good and has good graphics and music and plays pretty well. Jumping can be tricky if you have the super jump equipped but its not too bad. You get a little Robot Buddy like Giru in DBGT or Shaia's thing in Voltage Fighter Gowcaizer that gives you hints and you do have limited ammo, but its not usually an issue as you can kick everything out anyway. Its a pretty good game and you can choose how many Continues in the options, as well as having a Password to return where you left off. If you bite it you return to a Checkpoint and beat enemies stay beat. Its pretty good and is worth doing. Glad I played this.

Just beat Sub-Terrania on Sega Genesis. Its a Space Shooter where you go through this mining planet and do missions like getting pieces of a Sub thing to go underwater in the last or solve puzzles like getting a Laser to nuke itself. There's 9 levels and you get a few lives and no continues to do it. Its got Asteroids Controls where Up is forward and Left is spin left but you can assign which buttons do what, even the D Pad. 1 button cycles through weapons and 1 uses em. You have gravity to deal with and slowly sink and limited fuel until the last level when you get the Nucular Gem. Your life is a Shield represented by how White your life icon is at the bottom on your Lives row. If you run outta fuel or take too much damage you bite it and gotta go back to the starting point. After you do your mission objectives, which are explained to you before each of the 1st 6 missions, you gotta go back to the start point. You have 3 weapons to use, Red, Blue and Green, that are leveled up by getting the same colored one and there's missiles and extra guys you can find, as well as Fuel and Shield restorers. It takes some getting used to and when carrying the Nucular Plant Core I spazzed out and crashed, also the water levels being kinda weird. There's steel rails to ride on by moving onto the end and pressing the D pad so you don't use fuel. I hated this game the 1st time I tried it, but this time wasn't so bad. I did it on Easy as I'm not too into these controls. Its got really good graphics and some CG like that 90s cartoon Computer Warriors and music from the guy who did The Adventures Of Batman And Robin on Sega and is pretty good. Its not as bad as I recall and can be beat, but I recommend a guide to know what to do in the later levels. Glad I played it. Its tough but not impossible after enough tries. Oh and on the final boss if you bite it, you continue in the battle and iced enemies and tasks you did stay iced and did after you bite it and resummon.

Just beat Wonder Boy III Monster Lair on my 218 Genesis games in 1 Multi Cart. Its ind of a simple Run N Gen game where you go from Left To Right and blast things for several levels. You get up to 5 guys and 6 continues by the options menu and Beginner, Average and Expert difficulty. Each level has 2 acts: a walking thing where you can just jump and shoot, and a Shmup level where you fight a boss after a few waves of enemies. In Act 1 you have an energy meter that drops but can be refilled with grabbing fruit and beating all foes in a swarm or pack or line gives you a power up that lasts less than a minute even if you don't use it. You bite it in 1 hit but continue right where you left off and ride a bird for a few seconds upon resummoning. Its not too bad on beginner and has nice colors and graphics and music. Even the Ice Level controls well and its pretty simple but works. Glad I played it. Its not so bad.

Just beat Rave Master: Special Attack Force on GBA. Its by Konami when they were less awful and is based on the Anime/Manga from the guy who did Fairy Tail. Here you play as 1 of the characters and fight through several 1 round matches with what I assume are infinite continues as I only got beat once by running outta time. Instead of a normal life bar, you have a colored bar on top of Red Bluer Green and Yellow with each representing a fighter. As you wail on another guy, his color shrinks and yours grows. Once you have enough color, you do something and it triggers a button mash screen where you spazz out on the d pad and buttons to charge up and unleash a finish cut scene. I'm not sure how to trigger it so I just spazz on the buttons til something happens. A is jump and B is attack and R is fire a shot and I don't think I used L. Start doesn't pause but select chooses Continue or Exit and pauses the game. You go around various levels with effects like wind or underwater and it plays and moves well. I used the main chick, Ellie or w/e and was able to beat it, but it was already set to easy when I turned it on and went to options to check things. Good graphics and music and recorded lines from the dub actors and it plays well. If I knew anything about the show I'd probably like it more, but its a decent game as it is. It can be beat in like 20 mins and is pretty decent. Plus I think its up to 4 players.

Just beat Rolan's Curse on my 108 GB Games in 1 Multicart. Its a Zelda 1 like game where you have 2 buttons to fight through this adventure. B is weapon like Fire Rod or Sword(Get the Rod! It has range!) and A is your Item like a Pickaxe to break rocks or a Potion to refill life or a Shield to block shots or a Ring that turns you into a rock and doesn't protect you from attacks. You have infinite tries and if you bite it you resummon to the last Gate you went in. You can increase your maximum, life by getting Hearts or Vests and can Collect Gloves to increase your attack power. If you touch an item it replaces your last one and you gotta find it again to get it back. Also after beating a boss it lowers your stats a bit. Its  got good music that's kinda 80s and  looks decent. It can be beat in 1 sitting and took me around 2-3 hours to get through. You can';t change direction without taking a step and don't move fast and sometimes you can grind to farm for life or extra Vests. Its kinda simple but it works and is a decent game if you want something lite. Its got an 8 character password if you wanna continue and if you bite it, it takes a while before you resummon. Its worth a try. Glad I played it.

Just beat The Pagemaster on Sega Genesis. Its a platformer by Fox Interactive and Probe based on the 90s movie with Macaulay Culkin where you play as this wiener kid from My Girl before he got wacked. C is jump and B is use item and it controls kinda shoddy. You get infinite Continues and gotta get through 3 worlds with a buncha areas in each. You have a hub map to choose your level and there's a Code LULUS BRA that you put in on a level to let you walk through any areas irregardless if you beat it or not. I didn't pass any levels unless I beat em 1st to be fair. If anything touches you, you bite it, unless you have an item like Shoes or a bag of eyes or a magic thing or sword you attack with. If you get hit with these, you lose your weapon and a hit after that takes your shoes that let you wall jump, but they run off and you can recatch em. Most levels have you go to the book exit and fight stuff based on the level like bats in horror land or pirates in adventure land. It controls pretty slippery and often I fall through platforms. Also the jumping is loose and hard to deal with. At times the little dink won't jump when I press Jump and there's a bunch of cheap hits. If you run outta guys you gotta start at the start of the level and slog through the map back to your last place. Its got good graphics and music and voice samples and there's bonus levels where you fly through pillars and collect treasure or go around a small area and get coins or w/e the level uses that gets you an extra guy with 100. If you go in a bonus level, the collected coins in a level return. Collected lives in levels don't return in levels you revisit unless you use a Continue.You can revisit past levels and get coins and power ups to bring to other levels. Its got a lot of problems and gets kinda rough in the later levels but its not the worst. Its fun at 1st and has a good theme music and 20 Century Fox Theme. I payed 8$ for this and its decent if you can tolerate the tough areas

Just beat Strider II AKA Journey from Darkness: Strider Returns on my 218 Sega Genesis Games Multicart. Its kind of Strider GX and has a new Strider named Himbo I mean Hinjo who can climb ropes, throw Ninja Stars  and has access to a Sweep attack that you choose in the options Menu. You can have up to 5 continues with a few guys each and biting it or even using a Continue rends you back to a check point. You can take up to 5 hits and usually start with 3 bars of Life but instead of a Cyber Tiger or Falcon you get Spheres that spin around you in a boss fight and eventually bust. 1 button Jumps, 1 uses a Blade and 1 uses Ninja Stars and you can change what does what in the options. Also you can upgrade your blade to be longer. Its got some dead ends in some levels and you gotta jump in either a fixed arc or straight up like in Castlevania but you can sorta guide falling with the D Pad. If you get hit you spazz out and can be knocked around into more damage and get iced. You can climb on walls and ceilings and can do a slide with Down and Jump. Some bosses can be beat with spamming Blade and a few need strategy. Decent graphics and good music but the voices, while clear, are kinda like Chipmunks in the American Genesis. Its controls are kinda stiff but the original wasn't too different kinda. A lot of people hate it and the last level is a boss rush but  its not so bad when you get used to it. There's a time limit that extends when beating a sub boss and a Trick you do by putting in ENIREHTAK (Katherine backwards)on the high score and in game using A and C plus a D Pad direction that can give you extra guys, extra time, or skip the current level, which can save time from replaying the same ones over and over to get back where you left off. A few parts are irritating, but with practice, it can be overcome. Its not as bad as everyone says. Glad I gave it a chance. Its Sorta like the Xmas thing Frosty Returns, Not really Canon but not awful

Just beat Two Crude Dudes on Sega Genesis. Its a Data East Beat Em Up from the late 80s/start of the 90s where in the distant future year of 2010, New York got nuked and after 20 years of nucular wasteland, t got took over by some bad guys and America sends 2 manly He Men in to beat em up. You get up to 3 Continues with up to 5 guys for each and in 2 player mode, each gets that much. So you can play 1 player and attrition through it until you run out, the press start on P2 and continue on. 1 button Jumps, 1 Hits and 1 Grab/Throws. You can throw enemies and items and beat up vending machines to get cola to heal. Its done on a flat 2D style like Altered Beast but in some parts you can climb up on higher areas like walls or stairs. Its got nice 80s graphics and good music and controls pretty well. It plays kinda simple but its a decent way to spend 40 mins. Glad I got this one. Its pretty good. Although some bosses are kinda attrition of just taking and giving hits.

Just beat Mega Man: Dr. Wily's Revenge on my 68 GB games in 1 Multicart. its a demake of the 1st and some of ther 2nd NES Games. A is jump and B is fire while Start opens the menu. I find you can't open menu or pause when certain weapons are still resolving onscreen and  often there's a reload thing where you can't fire too fast too much. Its pretty hard, esp starting out w/o any Boss Powers but gets easier after the 1st win. Knowing which boss is weak to which attack helps and you eventually get a hover platform that you can be stood on to cross gaps. Its kinda bare bones but its the 1st game so its not gonna have all the advancements of the later ones. It is what it is. You get a password system of dots on a grid and unlimited continues. You can farm for ammo, health or extra guys but it takes time. Plus if you run outta a bosses weakness, you're stuck until you run outta guys or reset and use a password. Some moves can be of use in some areas liker freezing guys with Ice. After running outta guys you Continue with B, Level select with A and Quit the game with Start, but Start is used to select the level on its screen. Takes some getting used to. There's no charge shots, slides or E Tanks so its just you against the machine.. Plus the 2nd last level is a gauntlet with 5 bosses and you gotta do em on 1 Continue. Its not bad and is a good challenge if you want some toughness. Glad I played it. Its decent and for a 91 game has some good parts

Just beat Tim Burton's The Nightmare Before Christmas: The Pumpkin King  on GBA. Its a Metroid style game where  you play as Jack and it takes place before the movie. Plenty of cameos of the movie characters and nice Tim Burton/Charles Addams Graphics. Its got good dialogue and music and has tunes from the film. B is attack, A is jump, Select is Map and Start is pause. L/R cycles through weapons from Frog, Bat, Pumpkin and Human Torch. Its got kind of a BeetleJuice vibe and  plays pretty well. Sometimes the controls don't grab the edge of a cliff or react perfect but it gets it done. You collect Shrunken Heads as life extenders and there's some levels with Zero going through cobweb tunnels. Its overall kinda easy and the game is designed in a way that shows where you should go next. You get different abilities as you go on and each level has its own gimmicks. Overall its worth getting and can be beat in a few hours, with many extras to unlock  Its got 1 life and infinite continues as well as a save file that lets you continue when you want. Its a decent game, kinda lite and mild, but is pretty well done. Glad I played this and not just cuz I loved the movie since the 90s

Thursday, June 17, 2021

Bandidas Review

 Note: I spell el mexicanno seen your


This is my reviiew on Bandidas from 2006 (The year Season 3 of Transformers happened in Amerca)

its  got selma hayak, pwenelopy criz, Steve Zahn, Ismael 'East' Carlo from Commando I mean Eraser, and some mexicans i never heard of

its direcxted by Joachim Rønning and Espen Sandberg who did pirates of the carribean 5 and was written by openly frenxch guy luc besson who wrote taken and the transporter movies

i never saw this b4 but some say its good

so it starts with credits as a guy examones a crime scnee and determines it was her accidentally killing heself

but its a fake thing or show or somethig and this guy whos kind of a nerd, is gonna get married to his gf

also the banks are gonna buy this land in soviet mexico and cruz is playing tic tac toe with a horse

her dad is losing his land to the banks as i guess he got a sub prime morgage and didnt expect to pay it and cruz rides off on a horse tro help

elsewhere selma i think is back home with her dad after a 10 year outing and her dads rich

cruz comes to this guy to fight the bank of soviet new york but hes busy so she breaks a guys parts

selmas dad is making a deral with soviet new york bank to help their mexico bank and bank guy wants her

then cruz uses her horses a55 to get on the roof like a ninja(la blue girl?!) and sneak around

she walks past selma and they clash and she sez she wants to see selmas dad

guards come and she runs and sees bank dad with the new york scum and calls him a traitor to her people

if an american saw a banker with a mexico and called him a trtaitor for it, wouldn';t that be racist?

but here its ok somehow

later a mexzico is forclosed by the new yorker as he can't pay the interest as its more than he earns and he caps the mexico and torched his farm

like in rob roy with the english and sheep f--kers

later cruz is relased from jail and selma is at a place and the bank guys come by and cap this guy outside

she escapes b4 they find her and cruz comers by her ranch and finds her dad in h e double korea

selma runs home and fiunds her dead si also in h e double new zealanda nd bank guy saysd it weas a heart thjing

bank guy poulls a gun on her and she pulls a knife on him and hold em to each others heads and she driops the knife

he tteris to kiss her but she sez its too much and he lets her go

2 goons follow her but she runs and swings across on a chain and has a really improbably escape with her horse helping her

later cruz brings her dads body back andfinds the place was shot up by banker men

later selma sees the bank guy walking by  in a crowd and later has the hick ups and tries to load a gun cr-ppiuly

dshe puts on a face covering and breaks into a bank to rob it but cruz is there doing it too

they bicker and the bank guys point out that the bad banker goons are copmming and they book it

the bank goons come for the vault and find its empty except for a flower and sdelma and cruz jacked the bank

selma was jacking it to avenge her fam and cruz was doing it to help the people

sdelma wants to escape to europe but they fight and its really exaggerated

cruz wins and they slap fioght for round 2

then a priest comes as its in a church and he brings them to a gidden city in the rocks and people hide from the invADING NEW YORKERS

kinda like in robotech with the invidf taking over

selma wants to jack more banks to help the people and they bicker over it but priest says how Columbus made it despite thbings looking bad

later this scuzzy guy and the bank goons arer looking for the chicks and a guys he asks drives him off with a hun in the nose

turns out the chicks are in the house and they want him to teach em to rob banks as hesa  pro at it

he rides off but cruz uses her horse to seduce robbers horse to keep it from going and they get him to train them

cruz is a good shot like lilian gish and selma gets thje hick ups when nervour

then we get some ninja trtaining like push ups in the water and running after a horse

he has em hang off a cliff over water and sez "robbin banks is easy, gettin away is hard"

cruz falls in the river a mile below and selma jumps in and saves her

this gets em to trush each other and beocme homies

like metabee and ikki

or hunter steele and that spider

then more training like carrying each other and gun prsactice and kniufe throwing like that guy in castlevania 3

also despite being in the 1800s, they look like models all the time

later nerd comes by on a train and he finds land transfers sold for 1 peso

later they are told to not kill anyone, only grab what u can carry, and get away always

they ride off on a chocolate and vanilla horses and we getta montage of em robbing banks and getting higher bounties

later nerd goes toi examine the roob bank dad got it and priest says to quit while aherad as theres a pro brought in afetr em

then nerd comes by and he asks if bank dads kid had issues with her dad

priest tells him selma loved her dad and nerd rides off ona  jacka55

gotta make the white ghuy look like a goof

so the chicks go after him and selma goes to a bar and talks fgrench tio some h--kers and come to nerds place in their costumes and puyll a gun on him

they tie him up naked and he sez he dont wanna betray his fuiture wife so they pose in sm pix and phoptograph him and say they'll leak his nudes tyo the papers and his future wife

thats kinda evil

but if a guy did that to a hgirl he'd be seen as bad

he tells em that bank dad was poisoned and the banks are american and under the law

they comment on his thing and about cruz beign a virgin and smooch the engaged nerd without consent

in the real version they were b0ning

they bring em to the bank and show him the deeds that say they were sold for 1 pso and how the banks were wasting guys and signning their names and the chemical to poison bank dad was in the room

then bank goons come and the nerd fakes being their hostage to help em getta way as hes the bosses son in law

bank bad guy caps the guys who topld him the chicks took nerd and nerds future wife is worried about him

nerd shows cruz the fingerproint powder and explains fingerprints  and selma sez the banks got in big guys and pros to defend em

selma b--ches about things going bad and nerd comforts her

so nerd and selma fake beign a newlywed couple and he has a fake moustache and smooch

curz cant take it and rides her vanilla horse across the rooftops and fat banker shows em the super safe

aselma pulls a gun and fata55 rfaints and nerd tries to crack the safe

selma shoots the windoes locked and the sound deafens nerd

he opens the vault and selma tries to throw the dyno mite in the ceiliing chandelier and it keeps falling out

they hide in the vault and are carried out by rope from ceiling and chocolate horse eats the ropes to the bank goons horses and they ruin

the chicks and dude escape and jhack their horses

Back in the olde dayes, We strung people up for stealing horses, but today, some devolved teens steal your Yugioh Cards, and you can't do anything!

latwsr bank bad guy is tldf they might move the gold to a different banka and he shows thre head mexico bank guy the supe alard system they bank has that has a rigger floor to sound an alarm

also the money is kept upstairs until the system is finished

also in that bank, selma is playing a chick whos mom got it and shoiws off her b00bs

they get the bank map and nerd sez they can't get through it

but the mexicoes working for the bank as slaves or w/e give them the keys

at night the  chick and nerd use knock out blow guns and south american knock out darts to sdneakm in and a rope on a bvow to cross in

inside they keyt the doors and selma uses ice skates to walk through the gap in the tiles

outside cruz j fk's a few guys with blow darts and a pack of tough guys comes over

in the bank selma stufdfs herr shirt with money and cvarry';sd ithe rest on a balance pole

but a soller bill falls on the ground, and does nothing

then she sneezes and drops the money and sounds the alarm

oh and cruz came over

the guards catch them and they are gonna be strung up and on the ride there the chick b--ch at each other until nerd tells em to get over it and help the people

so then the mecixo people save the chicks and rise up to overrthrow the banks and new yorekers

bank bad guycomplains to the governer who i thought was mexico bank guy and is gonna bring the gold back to america to make the paper money useless

so curz sez to strsl the gold and the chicks talk in a church and selma has cruz take off her corset as she wants her beer gut spilling out

btw, most of my mexcian friends like chicks with bug juicy butts

where all the back door bimbos??

so the gold is on the train to texas and bank bad guy is gonna use the gold as bait to catch the chicks and string em up

bank bad guy kicks the governer off the train andn is gonna take the gold himself and cruz and selma and nerd get on, unlink the train cart

future wifes dad finds out about bank bad guys plan and wants no part of it so hes gonna cap him

but chicvks save him and reveal they know he iced her dad

future wife recognizes nerd and theres a lomo gun fight and in the chaos control bad bank guy gets away to the gold cart

the chicks folow him and theres another shoot out where no one gets hit, he jumps on chocolate horse and escapes but cruyuyz whistles and he falls off and is ko ed

they somehow stop the train right there and selma is thinking of wasting him and they realize they cant but think about just wounding him

cruz ios oputta ammo so he pulls a derringer and selma caps him

so nerd survived and they honor him and they say bye as he gets on da train to head back to amercia with his blonde bimbo gf

on the ride back to soviet mexico  they taklk about who's kiss was better for the guy and suggest jacking banks in pre soviet europe

then ride off into the sunset and credits

the end

that was pretty entertaining

not trying to be historiucally aCCURATE or realistic but just ebing entertaining

this is sorta like dirty pair or slayers with lina and naga or re cutey honey or touble shootrrer/battle mannia with 2 different chicks teaming up AND CLASHING

its got good effects and style and music and acting and is pretty cool and fun

its written by a french guy i doubt know anything about mexico or westerns but fdid an entertaining joy

it tells a good story thats sorta anime and reminds me of how president andrew jackson took out the banks to save america

for Bandidas 2 i want it to be about them meeting a guy who's family was killed by chupacabra's and thry go on a hunbt for em, but find a demented sicntist is trying to cross  breed chup[acabra and chiump to make a higher life forme: the chimpacabra! also its a 32 bit light gun game on serga saturn, play station 1 and panasonic 3do where you play as onbe or both girl and use light guns to b;last through the wastelands and ruins of temples to stop the chimpacabra's and their creator who fuses with one to be even stronger

Wednesday, June 9, 2021

Destry Review

 note; my spelling bad is fun so imma keep dooin it


tthis is my review of Destry from 1954

its the 3rd vertsion of the the book Destry rides again as A MOvIE

this one has audie murphy, alan hale 2 from giligans island, Mari Blanchard from mcclintock, Thomas Mitchell from stagecoach, its a wonderful life and gone wirth the wibnd, Edgar Buchanan from mcclintock, Wallace Ford from Blood on the Sun and A Patch of Blue, mary wickes from The Hunchback of Notre Dame and the 90s liottle women, George D. Wallace from mionority report and Forbidden Planet, Richard Reeves from Billy the Kid vs. Dracula, Lee Aaker from Hondo, Trevor Bardette from sdanta fe trail and John Doucette from julius ceaser

i never saw this, or its premakes, or read the book, but audie murphy is usually good so imma watch this

its directed by George Marshall who did The Guns of Fort Petticoat

so its in color and widescreen and starts withg names on as sign

film editor; ted j kent, like clark kent from batman?

so after that therese rowdy cowboys come in a bar and these chicks have a song show where ethye fire guns and show off their pitts

this armpit chick tells a story of some bada55 in rhyme and is livley and rowdy like ojne of those go nagai chicks

mabe kirika misono from eiken

then there's this card game and the armpit chick comes in

the chicks she was wuitrh were in different colored outfits like a confederate sailor moon

so chick spills a drink on 1 guy and as sghe cleans him up, trhey switch the card and he dont got ewnuff aces to win

they beat him out and carry his boidy outside

anso card guyis charging a cattle drive coming through or something and is gonna make mad bux

cheeted guy lost his ranch and is gonna shoot up the guys who cheeted him but saheriff talks him outta it

sheriff confronts the cheeters and card guy cheeter dont like the insinuation he stole

but he gives back the deedf to te sherrif, but caps him sas he leaves

then the cxhgicks show off their a55es in dresses and dances

then da MAYOR announces the saheriff got iced and he asppoints some dink as the new one

he wants destry's son to be his homie and days later maybe, a coacxh comes in with despry

alan hgale comes out and easly kills a guy who hassled hum and its not despry

thern audie comes out and is kind of a beta male

he's despry and is kinda polite and sensitive

nowadays he'd be the nerd in computer and magic the gathering cr-p

so the town pikes fun at him being a dink and he dont even ave a gun in the west

sheriff regrets his choice anmd a chick gives him a mop to clean a55 but he smax guys with it by mistake

then the wife of some guy fights this arm,pit chick over her huisband losing a haty for her in a game to pits

their clothes start comming off like its a go nagai manga and audie dumps a bucket on them

wife runs home with her 1600s undies showing and pits b--ches out and starts tryimng to kill audie

so new sheriff b--ches at audie for being a candya55 and audie brought his dads gun saying he dont believe in guns

he cleaned up silver creek w/o firearms and sez King David won w/o guns

spoiler; slings were bible guns

sherrif sez hes not gonna swear in audie AS deptuy

later audie hears thew last sherrif got it doing his job and goes 2 a bad 4 a drink

new sherrif has resigned his commission and he has mayor mc a55 swear him in as deputy sherrifd

he tells sherrf and they wortk togetehr

later cheeter goes to cheeted guys home to drive him off

the cheeted guys kid comes to get sherrif and audie who rtead that past sherrtif had a healthy heart

aautdie and sherrif come by and audie handles a guy shooting the home but cheeter has a deed

cheeted explains he was cheeted and audie canm';t stop him

cheeted sez past sheriff said he'd fix it right b4 biting it of heart issuies

audie talks to pitts and she slips that past sgherrif got capped

so later audfie comes to see dr and hes being harassed by his woman and investigates on if past sherriif really got it of heart stuff

dr sez the cheeter anbd his droogs made him sign it as a heart thing and audie sez hes gotta decide what he should do

a cowboy ssez hes being charged 50 cents per cow for a drtive and its cuz cheeter got cheeted guys land

the people wanna have an uprising  but audie sez they gotta follow the law

soi cheeted guys fam moves out and lateraudie ansd shererif come bya bar with mucvh shooting going on where guys were throwing sh-t and cappin it

the guys fire at his feet and he dont react as i guess hes a bada55 IN DISGUISE

audier gets a gun from each gguy andhe reveals hes actually a crack shot as he blkows out 3 shot gflassesd and duel wields 2 and the endds of a dart board off

thery see hees bada56 aND  consenmt top easing off the gunfire

SO CHEETER WANTS CHICK TO STAY AWAY FROM AUDIE AND later aufdie comes by and chick i mean pitts tells him not to goo in

cowboy tells audie hes driving his cow through the land and offers audie in on his thing so audie slugs him

he asks a paintter about who really did j fk i mrean sherrif and pitts sings a song thats troo sexy for the 1800s

auidie watches and guys gether by him and rowdy cowmen ruish the chick to b0ne her but a guard holds em back

the cheeters guys ask about why aiudies asking quesyoins and he replies his dad was shot in da back

dr and sherrif come y with results of tests and sherrif 1 gut a bullet in da back annd they matched the bullert to 1 guys gun

maytolr sezthe evidence wont hold up in courtm but cheeter sez if accused isnt gulilty, nnothing will happen to him

audie sez accused is gonna hang ifd he dont give any evidence on the guy behind it and mayor comes in and sez he has a trial set up for tomorrow with him as judge

audie sez no and  later lets the accused go ROR

this chick wjho i think is this kids sister comes by and her brother sez shes gay for him

later audie has a drink with pitts and she shows her face w/o make up

she sez shes leaving town aND WANTS TO SEE him b45 she left and is sick of this cr-ppy a55 town to return toi new orleans (where tommy wiseau is from)

later dr8bnk sherrif got capped and eventually bites it

audie cant take it and gets his dads guns anmnd comes toward the salloon

the salloon plays the armpit 5kanks rdancxing and showing hda bloomers and theres gunmen everywhere ready to j fk audie

a guy comes in but its not audie andthey reset but pits chick runs off

audie snmeaks around like a ninja and pitts goes and gets dr whos got a shot gun and inside the salloon audie holds up a guy aat gunpoint and locks him in the closet

theeres a crasdh and audie reveals himsel;f and sez he just wants da leader

he wastes 2 guys who are too slopw like in virtua cop

audie and cheeter se eacjh other in a mirror and audie blows out te maype

maytors gonna cap audie but skipper and dr come in and waste a few guys

cheeter has audie behind a ccounter and when he copmes oput, cheeters gonna cap him, but pitts jumps in and takes the hit

he caps cheeter and she bites it b4 they can kiss

later some chix on a ridde go by and this  kid wjhos in like 4 scenes sez his sister wants to thank him

they hear gunfire and come in to see sister prwcticing guns to get audies attention

shhe sez shootings against da law and wanbnts to be arrested cuz shes got a fetish for SM

he goes on about a book he read and she makes out with him

so he gets a replacement at the end after his partner gets iced?

just like shiro in the gay netflix voltron!

the end

that was pretty good

a bit cheezy but its a 50s movie

it switches things up by audie nbot being super bada555 at 1st but secretrly being one

good way of making him look smart w/o making the guys below him look stroopid

good acting and music

good color

i ejoyed this one

it holds up and has good feels

for Destry 2 i want a new round of toughs to come to town and hassle evetyone. so audie stands up to em but they shred him with gunfire. then he has to rehab and get rebuilt with experimental steam pun tech and come back wtyo take em out. its also a 16 bit run n gun game on sega genesis, snes, tg16 atrari jaguar and gba where you play asa audie andblast through these degenerates and droogs who have experimwental treampunk weapons and mechs they stole from a lab and the dr rebuilt you with his tech to get it back.

Sunday, June 6, 2021

Naked Alibi Review

 Note; i spell better than the naked men of europe

naked alibi

this is my review on naked alibi from 1954

i never dsaw this buy its public dimaon i think

its directed my jerry hpopper who did nothing iove seen and stars Sterling Hayden  and chuck connors and no one else i know

oh its got Gene Barry from the cr-ppy 2005 wr of the worlds

so aftercredits to 40s music and ttile we get some guys in a basement and 1 guy was charged with drunk and disorderly and not good ID

oh its the cops place and the drunk starts being b--chy and the cops beat his a55

he swears to get even and 1 cop says the guy is a suspect in rpobberies

turns out the guy is innocent

also tyhe paper says goodwin(like from yugioh 5ds?) wants to crack down on police brutality

later drunk says sorry and goes home to his wife and kid

wife is concerned about his being beat up and he's forgiving

later the cop is capped and the cops search anyone with firearms

1st; thats like saying anyoine with a car is a suspect in a hit and run

2nd this is soviet california so they dont' use logic

3rd; what about illegal guns? thats like going affter people who use the cross walk when someone jay walks

so the cops find the bullets came from a german gun and later the cops investigate the main guy

he dont wanna go downtown as he's afraid they'd beat him up and runs

they catch him and grill him and he says he's innocent and they think cuz he said something b4, hes ghuilty

so if i joke about cannibalism then i must ear people?

oh and the cops beat on him to catch him

a lawyer says he found 3 witnesses who confirm hsi story of beign at work and character witnesses

but the cop dont care and wants to nail him

a guy calls and tells him to ease up and let main guy goo

he lets him go and has a guy follow him

but then cops get in their ar and get blown apart

the guy tailing main guy says he lost him after a buit in his shop

the cops come in with a warrent and he says he was at churc h at night and a party

cop grabs main guyand trhhey struggle by an open fire and a guy takes a photo and the story makes him l,ook like he's brutal and cop gets fired

the media twisting things to make cops look bad? some things never change

later cop meets another cop and says he thinks main guy iced those cops

and now he wants to f with main guy to get him

later main guy looks outside and a cps watching him

everywehere he goes hes tailed

11 time at night he goes after a guy tauiling him and knoxz over boxes to dramatic music

jimmys goin mental

he calls the cops or his lawyer or w/e and figgers  its the excop behind it

so main guy goes on a business trip to get away from being stalked

so after a bus ride hes in a bar and some chick is singing in a DRESS THAT HOT IN THe 40s (but today isn'ty so great)

after her song she ggoes back and he meets her and thery makew out

but ur married!

this just went springer!

s0 da cops get there and rents a room for 3$ A NBIGHT

ex cop loox around for main guy and when 1 guy tells him whree to go, he goes and 3 guys beat him out and rob him

in the real bversiuoin they b0ned him dead

wait, hes alive as thiskid and hsi ucnle founbd him

the singer takes care of him and finds the wanted poster of main guy

later he comes to and talks with singer and kid comes back with some sleeping powder nand they give him a water with it mixed in

but he just woke up

later singer wantgsa to marry main guy but he avoids it

nowadyas they'd try to make him haveing several wifes look likea posoitive thing like in that degrassi erp with imogen was with that chick who was with other chuicks

or the italiano was with paiges bro but he was in bed with a big black guy and wanted to have morre giuys

so a guy comes on to singer and main guy defends her and they walk out

later she stops by her place and he wants to go up with her

at her placed she goes in and checks on excop and they alomost go romantic ans they talk abouty their pasts

she makes cofgfee and puts the sleep powder in his cup

like sleep water in the mad tv thing the rocket revengers?

also; 1s an upperr and 1s a doownewr, caffeen and drugs! wont that kill him?

so later ex cop callds in to his guys and says he thinks singer is connected to him i think and is near

later at a club, main guy is driunk and shoves a guy off a thing for bumping into him

singer is p-ssed at his drunken a55 holery and ex cop sees em and books it

this is why i dont drink

alcohol not only is a poison that damages the organs, but makes you say and do stoopid things

weird al dont drink, he's outlived most o the people he parodied

eli wallach never drank he made it to 98

errol flynn drank and bit it at 50

later excop says bye to kid and is gonna go and ays bye to singer

she makes  him some coffee as thery didnt have pop in the 50s i guess

better than soviet england where they drink tea

the next day main guy dont recall last night as he wasa drunk and thinks  singer has another guy

bbtw this is in bw  but widescreen even nthough it wasaa originally made for proper full screen

he copnfronts her and she reveals she knows hes got a wife

he figures out cop is tailing him and he smacks her around

he sez hes ditching his fam for her and sez sorry for beating on her

later she comes out to ex cop over knowingf hes a cop and tells him to get out cuz mainm guy is gonna ice him

he sees shes beat up over not outing him and he tells his story

x cop reveals he found into that main guy is a crook and using a fake name and in a hi j-cking ring

so x cop goes oouyt and maiin guy catches him with his goons and bring him away

so he brings singer and ex cop to a restairant and is calmly menbacing and has dinner

he wants csinger to kiss ex cop but they dont wanna

kinda like in robotech

he wants em to b0ne (in a public restaurtant?! wekll, this IS mexico) and after they stand up to nearly fight, main guy walks off and tells a guy not to let em outta the table

after he gives a guy money, singer tells ex cop main guy dont go to church and x cop thiunks thats where the gun is

a fight5 breaks out as as cover to ice the good guuys but they ecasepre

main guy goes out to cap em buty x cop sneak attacks him and they fist fight

cop beats him down cuz he hasnt destroyed his nervous systemn weith years of booze and carrys the k o ed main guy out

kid gives the goons ther wriong direction and x cop escapres woith main guy and chick in his car

thegoons call the cops on x cop and say xcop kidnapped main guy

like in canada when that shoplifter got caught by the guy he stole from and the cops arrested the owner for infringing on the crooks "rights" and having a box cutter in his pocket

so after excaping cops and fiighting off main guy who went for da gun, galaxy eyes cifer x cop and friernds hide in a truck

x y z dragon cop says hes gonna make main guy get the gun he capped the cop with

after going through the check point,  later the 2 guys fight and the gun goes off

drtiver checks it out and the guys come out and cop tells him to coount to 100

main guy runs and x cop sez he s gonna get to the gun b4 main guy and nail him

but the cops arrest x cop and chick goes to the chuirch

so main guys gets the german gun at the chuirch and singer comes in and he catches her and grills her over where copp is

cop and cops come in and main guy fires but misses and escapes to another buoilding

he gopes on the roof and takes shots ast cops and caps the singer in the back and jumsp from rtoof to roof

x cop jumps across froofs like bvat man or the tick and they trade shots

ecentually main guy gets bcapped and falls off the rooof

singer says she wishes she could have met x cop sooner and bites it

they take her remains away and he walks off into the night

the end

that was pretty good

nic clean but cool 50s story

good twists i didnt see coming

good acting

pretty bada55 and dark for the 50s

shows the evils of alcohol and crime and how cops are treated bad by the press

its well done and tells a good story that fits today

for naked alibi 2 i want the crime ring the guy from the 1st movie was part of to increase attacks and its a war on the cops. also the ex cop has been hiured back and with the media making crooks look good and cops doing their job look bad, the cops are on edge. eventually they get the law passed to allow cops more power and give em military werapons like grenades and flame throwers and they bring it to the crooks on drug busts and secks rings! also its a 16 bit beat em up like alien storm on sega genesis, snbes, atari jaguar, tg16 and gba where you play as up to 4 giga cops and obliterate all the drugged up and dvolved criminals who often mustate into daemonic forms to bring down the crime group the guy from ther 1st film was part of