Sunday, March 29, 2020

One Hour Photo Review

Note: I spell better than it takes to 1 hour a photo
one hour photo
this is my review on one hour photo from 2002 (when sega started doing cr-p on nintendo)
it has robin williams from jumanji amd aladdin so its probanly a fun family time
jk i saw this b4 butthe channel was scrambled  and i think in negative
so it starts witn a dark seeming music and robin being photograffedby da cops
dont drop da soap!
the cops have his film he took and he wants to see it
cop asks what the vic did to cause it and we getta flesh back of a kids party him talking of family photoz being only showing good memoroes and never stuff they wanna forget
this human normal fam of a mommy daddy and little boy lives in a normal house and the kid plays either tekken or virtua fighter
mom takes da photoz to da mall and robin is friendly with her and suggests not going digital
the cam has 1 shot left and robin takes 1 of himself and they make small talk of the mommys fam
robin sez he;d get the pix dun in 40 mins as she has to go soon and robin develops em as he thinks of how photos are really important and how deep processing philm is
she comes back but she wanted a smaller size and robin gives him a free cam as hes a b day boy
after da mall closes for da day da fam looks thought the pictires and see the image of robin
robin has his own set of pix he made of da fam and eats in a diner as the waiter chex his photos
he fakes being the kids uncle and drives home in his cr-pmobile and kid tells mom he feels bad for a guy who's life s-cked. Its robin
so later daddy argues with mommy over her sspending too much cash and she sez hes neglectful
later robin watches the simpsons ep where bart gets notes sayiing someines gonna ice him and robin has a wall of photoes from da fam over years
So then its Monday and he goes over the usuals who come in
some do p0rn0 pix
so later roobin argues with a repair guy over a machine being a bit off and reppairman dont care
then at lunchhe spazzes out thinking about being in a family xmas and his boss talks to him about arguiing with repairman
also boss suggests taking a vacation and tells him he's been spazzing out an half hour after lunch
later he meets daddy and they talk as robin dont know computers and robin sez daddy has a great fam and house
btw his last name in here is the same as his characters ame in jumanji
is this a sequel to it??
find out todayy! on dragon ball Z!!
robin bumps into kid and kid has an evangelion toy as kids watching gay emo anime is ok back then
h-ll some fams bought their kids la blue girl thinking "Its just a cartoon. It should be good for kids"
later robin goes on a monologue abou how photops are time capsules and he buys a photo from the 40s or w/e
then talks about people not taking pix of little things like a wasp in jello and sneaks into the famys house when they are out
after a grand tour and a big black dump, he has a cold 1 and watches the game with the dog
this movie has an unsettling feel and sound and style
the fam comes in but are ok with him and kid wants to make a toy gundam with him and it turns out its just him in the car looking at the home imagining it
later this chick drops her photoes off and he recognizes her but dont know from where
later its kidssoccer game as he thinks snapping your leg in front of europe and south america is cool and ronib stops byand chats with him
they walk together and robin tells of his cr-ppy life and being a fata55 and cr-ppy at sports
kid sez dads not around often as hes got work and robin gives him a evangelion toy he bought but kid knows his rents wont let him have it and drives off
later robin is at da food court in a mall and sits near mommy i think and shes on da cell phone.
they  chat about fam snd cr-p and as she leaves he fakes reading a gaijin book  he saw her reading b4 and shes impressed by his deepness
he shows her da photo he bought and sez its his mom
latr hes doing the chemicalsn da photo machine and his boss calls him in to say there were hundreds of photos processed that wee unaccounted for over the years
he cans robin and robin can't take it
hes got the rest of the week at work as they gotta keep him working for some reason and he snaps
he pix up a blank photo off da floor and mommy comes by with kid to get his birthday camera pix developed but robin is outta it
he looks through kids photos and its all close ups on toys and such and robin is moved to tears by how innocent they are
so robin hex the pix on his wall and finds the chick from b4 was in the soccer game one annd at work at night he goes through her photoz and seez shes b0ning daddy
he cheeted on his wman and this drives robin mental and i think he puts chicks photo in mommys thing
on his last day his underling yoshi sez thnx for teaching him al this stuff that will give him a long career in one hour photo well into the future of 20xx
as he leaves he jacks a big a55 knife and stalks daddy with a camera to catch him with chick but don't get it
at home he watches either plan 9 from outer space or the day the earth stood still(probably the latter as its not cr-p) and has a phantasy of him in an empty stpre as his eyes gush blood
but its a dream and he takes a shower and later goes to take photoes while explaining the oeigin of the word snapshot
what is this? big bang theory??
so he goes back to work to drop off photoes and boss don't like it
back in da 90s, the grade 8's from the year b4 who graduated, at times popped back in to class to see things and have fun
later yoshi shows boss rbins photos and boss thinks its the sodomy fiend again
but its just a girl playing with a doll
they call da cops and oh i think its bosses daughter in the photoes
cips checl robins place and a line on tv sez "they must be programed for courage" which i recognized as digimon after thinking of it for 2 mins years ago
they find the photo wall and robin is at a hotel and fakes being a worker on da phone to get info then use that info to find and cancel the lunch orders of daddy and chick
cops tell mommy about it and they can't find where daddy is
robin gets in daddys room faking being lunch and orders em around by pulling a knife on em like Fitz when Eli pushed him too far in Degrassi Next Gen and makes them pose in x rated pix while nude
in 1 part he makes her put daddys footlong in her mouth
later hes alone in a room and the cops are at da hotel and come for him
he runs but the cops eventually get him and he sez he just took pictures
later dad comes home and is glad to be with his fam after f ing them
thewe're back in the start and robin sez the cop is a good man who wont cheet on his fam or make his kids do gay cr-p in unholy pictures
i think his dad b0ned him as a kid and it f'd him up
this is like something from big bang theory but a bit worse
so cop sez he understands and lets robin see his picx
i think all da pix are of hotel things like shower cutrains and sinks
then we see a photo of the fam and robin happy
the end
that was deep, dark and f;d
but really well made
unsettling and disturbing, but its got bright colors and it looks expressive
a lot of liht and white and blue
back in 02 they made films with color and it didn't look digy or gray like the later harry potter films
its a simpler time b4 cellphones f'd the world
burn in h-ll seve jobs!!
you f'd us!
but this was a well done movie and it shows mork/popeye can act and be srs and cool and sympathetic and have depth
too bad he... you know... liked evangelion
that show was gay, emo and mentally unbalanced
like a tennessee wuilliams play
this was a well made and creepy film but it worls and has good feel and flow
it keeps your attention and makees you wanna see where it goes
the music and amra work add to the unsettling feel and its not gory or violent but creepy like a 50s movie or 20s movie
video playback supervisor; steve austin.
the wwf guy??
for one hour photo 2 i want it to be about the trial and this sleazy procesuter is trying to get williams (who's not 400lbs from stress eating) the chair and this noble jimmy sytewart style guy is trying to get him off. its a courtroom drama where williams character is fatter each day and by the end of it is over 600lbs. its also an 8 bit mini game collection on game gear, gameboy, nes, master systwm, tg16and atari 7800 where you play various games about the daily life of robin or the lawyer and solve puzzles between trial story cutscenes.

Friday, March 27, 2020

50 Shades Of Grey Review

note; my spelling is bad but this movie s-cked more
50 shades of graay
this is my reciew on 50 shades of grey
like the human centipede, its a movier that got 2 sequels that would never be made in any other year b4
so it starts with that put a spell on you song as someone runs and a guy gets dressed
its based on a book by some purvurt and was direcvted by Sam Taylor-Johnson who did a millikn littlre peices
oh f--k danny elfman did the msuic
he used to do good stuff like batman and pee weees big adventure
now hes in p0rn0
so i never saw this b4 byt my yugioh homie did and hated it
so it stars no one i heard of except Callum Keith Rennie and marcia gay harden(are these pr0n0 names?!)
so reviewers say it s-cked but it made a ot of cash
as a kid i had spiderman toys and my doc ock box said he was infamous
when i asked my mom what that measnt she said its famous for doing something bad
like the human centipede or this
so the main chick anna (like the train chick in yugioh zexal) goes to interview this guy named christian gray
liek adol christian from Y's on Master system?
btw i hear this movie has b0ning
so imma have to mention it a lot
forgive me
so they go through minor talk abut his stuff and much of it was used in the trailer like a p0rn0 film
i exercise, control, in all things
she asks if hes queer and he sez no and he sez he's not a goo guy or w/e
so he starts asking her questions and she sez shes in college or w/e and after graduation wants to move to societ seattle (where shadowrun on genesis happens)
huh, accordijng to wikepedia, there was gonna be a xxx verion of the books thats closer to the source material but universal stopped it
no one can make this p0rn0 but me!!
they also did svu, which is pretty close
in lebanon its rated 21+ and in french canada its 16+ cuz they are pdegenerates who think teens should watch p0rno
so at home she chats with her room mate about the grey guy (gruy?? )and later in class she chews his pen he gave her as phallllic pymbolism
later her freind is getting his art shown in some place and after dat she gets a call from someone who's bf busted his foot golfing(HOW?!!?) and they can't make it to annas graduation
then graymp is in the store with her like batman suddenly appearing and he helps her shop for tape and rope
oh anna works at the hardware store
she suggests coveralls to paint in and he suggests he does it naked
so after her art friend takes graywads pictures grayboy asks him if she has a bf and she sez no
she tells of her fam ona date and se her dad bit it and her mom had a lot of guys
so gary walks out and she follows and he  saves her from a buke going by ans he sez he isnt right forn her and dont need a gf
is this twilight?!
oh h-ll no
mark wahlburg tried to get the rights to this
wasn't boogie nights enuff?!
and the studio wanted ryan gosling for the lead
from pg breaker high to nc17 this
later grayhole sends anna some rare books and she goes drinking with her droogs
after a few drinks she calls him and acks drunk but he cares and sez hea comming to get her
a gy (ofh its her art friend) tries to b0ne her while both are drunk and graymo saves her
she wakes up in grays hotel room and gray sez he slept on da couch as "necrophililia is not his thing" and he changed her puked on clothes
he tells her she was in danger as she was drunk and suggests if he b0ned her sahe couldn't sit dfor a week
butt damage!!
he sez he dont do romance and his tastes are singular but she wants to see
so they make out a bit and come home to her room mate b0ning a guy, oh its grays bro
so later its another night(why is everything at night?! is this batman?!) and they ride in grayholes copter around seattle to 90s pop sounding song what r u waiting 4
how about waitingb for marraige?
don't wanna geet hiv!
so at his place he has her sign a legal thing and she asks if they gonna maek love
he sez he dont make love, he f--ksa, hard
what is this? mad tv/family guy?
he takes her to his playroom and sez she can go at any time
its some kinda SM dungeon like in Yugioh
almost an hour in and we get to introducing his fetish
but it dont seem to drag
it has some flow
he sez he wants her to willingly surrender to him
if she follows da rulez he rewards her and if not he punishes her
imagine if she wore the leather bikini naga wore in slayers?
so he gives her a place to spend da weekend and wants her to look over another contract that will have her legally define what she don't like doing when being f'd
also shes an innocent virgin and grayboy is shocked
what a degenerate
once at a yugioh tourney this furry was surprized imma virgin enen though i got a gf as he found it weird people dont just go around b0ning
well 3xxcuudse me for having class and morals
so gray b0nes anna and we see his a55 like tommy wiseau
they een got a cr-ppy song and bad editing
i do like the blue lighting like the bodyguard
but otherwiise tmmy's version wasnt as bad
soo after several mins of b0ning its the next day and she makes breakfast
it took an hour with adds to get to the 1st love scene
thern they take a bath together and we see her dark nips
after that he ties her arms together and is gonna b0ne her but grayboys mom comes over
they get dressed and she meets his stepmom as he was adopted
btw annas name is steele, like hunter steele from spidr riders
yugioh and spider riders
odd connections for a p0rn0
although there was a beyblade ep called last tango in paris
imagine grade schoolers looking thst up
what's superman's dad doin with that butter?! noooooooooooooo!!
after mom goes gray sez this is da 1st time she saw him with a chick and that 15 other chicks were with him
so he wonders why she gotta have her own room when they were in da same bed last night like normal people and he dont assnwer
so he drivs her home to music and on da way they stop in da woods where he reveals his moms friend made him her buttslave for 6 years and it turned him into a deviant
he sez when he gave up control he felt free and safe
those who give up a little freedom for a little security deserve neither; benjamin frenklin
wait, is this a metapphor for unions?
like a serbian film is a thing on communism?
so shes back home and garyboy sends her another gift and her roommate sez she seems different
she uses her new laptonp gift and aim chats with gray
then she leads the contract and moves to seattle and theres all these rules about what do do like no drugs or smokes and take birth control pills and no cheeting
this just keeps going on and on and on
and we're only half way through the movie
another 90 mins of slow sodomy
so at gyray place he ties her up and coovers her eyes and puts ice on her bod and eventually b0nes her
later they meet and go over the secks toys she consentws to and not and she dont now what a butt pllug is
so she goes to graduate and her fam comes by and grey gives a speech about helping the slum countries
at the party gray meets anas parents and later on grey gives anna a big red car
is that a ferrari mustang?
he sold her cr-pmobile and after she rolls her eyes her takes her in and spanks her a55
2 hours in b4 the SM
once in grade school, a teacher got married and asked if the class ad any questions
1 girl asked "are you into S B4 M? and he was like S b4 M?! and was smiling and almost chuckling at that question
grade school degenerates
so later that golf gf calls and sez sorry for missing ur graduation and theey talk about guys
so latwr annna is at home and her room mate notices her car keys
at grays place she sees her picturte in da paper wiith gray and it sez they are friends
friends dont f--k freinds
so thhey go to his SM dubgeoms and he slowly ties her up and eventually whips her a55itha horse thing to that crazy right now song they had in all ther trailoers
so eventually do do b0niing stuff and later dance b4 going to see grays sister and dad for dinner
btw this thing of an innocent girl turned into a degenerate by a guy f'd by a woman in his life was used in the adult anime Stepmother Sin
after dinner he spanks and makes out with ehr  as he was malcontent over her not mentioning she was from georgia or her fam was or w/e
she whines about not being in the same bed or not letting her touch him and she wants a normal relatonship but he dont know how do do normal stuff cuz hes a degenerate
just saw how this is a story about how normal people can be corrpupted by deviancy and ruined as now gray cant have a normal life as he;s obbsessed with his lusts
luke guys who get hooked on j-rkin off
so later he sez his birth mom was a crack wh--0re and went to h-ll wjen he was 4 and he dont recall her
so she goes to the confederacy to be with her golf gf homie
later gray comes by the south and hergolf gf likes him
anna  dont like gray being friends wth the cougar who made him a SM purvo and he gets her on a  glider trip that looks like something from a 60s movie about the 21st century
so then he goes back to seattle for a work thing and when she gets back he tieds her up and does slow mo whippings b4 eventually probably b0ning her
later they talk about why he wants to punish and hurt her and he dont wanna tell her why he has these deviancys
she dont wanna be punished and he sez hes 50 SHHADES of f;d up
she wants him to show her the worst so she can understand
remember in degrassi where darcy got fd and wanted to b0ne peter so it would make it right?
or miles finds out his butt buddy si a virgin and treis to b0ne him to make it right?
thats what this is doin
so he whips her and counts and she dont want him deviant a55 anynore
so she sez shes falling in love with him and he don like that as it might make him normal or w/e
later she wants her car back but its been sold so gray will write her a check
so she walks out and he comes for her but she sez no and he stops and the leevator closes and the credits roll
the end
thats it?
i thought it would be hard core
violence jack was worse as you see the hermaphrodites weener
it dont really end as much as just stop
we don't even really see what his dark secret or reason for the SM was
i mean thats what part 2 and 3 were for but i do 1 movie per seroes
but honestly, its not so bad
its not annoying or hateful or too bad
it doesnt drag and even though its like 3 hours and not much happens, its decent
sorta like alien 1 how the 1st half dont have much going on
the music and lighting was sorta 90s and its not as explicit as stuff like la blue girl or urotsukidoji or nami sos
i didn't hate it but ita not really my kinda movie
its not as bad as everyone sez
for 50 shades of grey 2 i want grey to he having issues with his sm thing and longing for anna back. she wants him back too but realizes he's got severe damage from his f'd up life. he wants to change but needs srs help. so he and anna go to the jungle to find this ancient temple with a legendary pool that can cure any issues of the soul. also its 1 16 bit beat em up on sega genesis, snes, ataRI jaguar, tg16 and gba where you play as either gray or anna and fight through animals and natives and cryptids as bosses.

Tuesday, March 24, 2020

Jack The Giant Slayer Review

Note: I spell giantic bad
Jack the giant slayer
this is my review on jack the giant sklayer from 2013(the years after the 1st robotech war)
its directed by byran siinger and stars the guy who was beat inx men 1st class, Stanley Tucci, Bill Nighy and ewan mcgregor from the less bad star wars films and no one else i know of
its based on the probably true  story of jack and the bean stalk which mickey mouse did one of
it f'd out at the box office and i've never seen it b4
so after a buncha logoz we get a kid in some castlevania hutt saying giants did thunder
its the zentraedi!!
quick! get the invid!!
his dad reads him a story of monks making magic seeds to reach God but found an inbetween area of giants
they came down and ate people and at the same time this  little girl is being read the same story by her mom
so da monks made a magic corwn that enslaved the giants and sent em home and tey cut the bean stalker
so the king who used the corwn bit it and hid his crown and its centuries kater i think
boy wants to be a kingsman and dad sez u gotta be of noble blood like that heath ledger movie and the girl is gonna be a queen
boys dad ses giants aint real byut boy thinks otherwse
btw giants were real and it sez so in the Bible except they were the kids of humans and fallen angels
thats why we had the flood
so we get the tiitle and its a decade later and jacks uncle sends him to sell da horse
in da city he sees a pplay of the giant story as i guess this is b4 they had shakesperer
waoh! its a midget!!
so thhese gguys try to b0ne this girl and boy jack saves her but its really the castle guards and jack is da princess (i mean chick is)
also jacks horse's cart got jacked
so at da castle this monk took something and he gives jack magic holy beans as collateral for the 10 coppers he owes the jack for the horse
jck dont think its worth it but monk sez dont get em wet(liek gremlins!!!) and monk gets da horse and bolts but gets caufght
jack goes home and uncle is p-ssed and sez monks got no cash and jack got f'd and knox the beans on da floor and under the boards and is gonna sell jacks dads sh-t
also chick is malcontent over king not giving her preedom when she might get fd by a buncha guys and other cr-p like alector in urotsukidoji 3
so the monk sez the kingdom shouldn't have jacked the beans from their place and  they from black magik and its dangerous but the bad guy shanks him offscfeen
so its night and unvle is out selling jacks rents cr-p and its raining as england has cr-ppy a55 weather and chick sstops by his place and they have chat
they act like they dont know who each otther are but talk about him saving her and he reveals he knowz and gives her the book they read 10 years agoo
then this huge tentackle busts through the floor like its urotsukidoji
jaxk gets out but the tentaackes trap princess in the  house and raise it sky high as jack gets on and back in
also jack hates heights and fakks off bt the tentaclee pants bump him so he dont splatter as he eventualy hits ground
he wakes up next day and the king and his dudes re there by the bean atalo andd 1 guard recognises jack
da guy princess is set to marry wants to go and uncle returns all JACK! WTF!? and jack and the boys go up da been stok to save the princess like super mario
I'm just gonna call it; one of the humans will turn on em to try to use the giants to take over
just like with edwards and the inorganics in robotech ii the sentinels
oh and da law sez princess has to marry royalty like Aladdin
btw i don't recall a princess from the jack story
wasnt there a goose that pooped gold eggs?
along da way, some men are hanging by a rope and get cut off
just like around 50 other movies did b4
so they get up there and find this weirrd land above the clouds and that princess wentb on further
they have a bit of crppy a55 english food as the rations were on the guys they cut and this scuzzy guy sez he can make jack dissappear so jack gives him some item(i think its da beenz)
on urth they find the bodirs of the guys who fell
shouldn't they be splattered like a pumpkin?
jack finds the book and busted branches and sez something grabbed princess
huh, John Kassir is in this from tales from the crypt keeper
so later the men get caught in a trap net and jack gets out hides underwater as this gianto comes oyut and gets grabs some guy
another guy (i dont know their names or who playe em and they dress da same) shanks da leg and gets kicked and giante takes em bothe as jacke followes
scuzzmo and a bad guy shove a guy off a cliff and bad guyb gets caught by a giant as scuzzmo protex imself with some item
so jacko finds this great valley and in a castle princess is being interrogated by 2 voices who sez shes a relative of th king who beat da giants
tuens out its a 2 headed giant and 1head is ret-rded and they can smell the kings blood in her(i assume he means dna)
thy have the other aught kingzmen alive (what is this? the 90s dub of sailor moon?! they got caught and wrern't actually iced?!) and want to know how to get down and ice a guy for mouthing off to them
So a giant wantys to eat da princess for cauching her and gets a mace to rhe face
then scuzzmo coes in wearing the crown and bends them to his will and is gonna use em to take over other kingdoms
including America as they mention viking myths of land across da sea
What year is this?!
I'd say between 1200 and 1400
Soviet England attacks again!
so later a giant is preparing a guy to be cooked (isnt this the Trolls movie?) and is gonna cook em alive
jack gives a guy in a taco a blade and he gets oput in da oven and cuts himself out
gotin trys to chiop up princess but jack ets a knfe and jumps and shanks him from above
he spazzes out and fall into a wal knife 1st and bites it amd they save the oven guy
so on urth the king is advised to chop down the cherry tree or w/e
jack advises thar scuzzomo or w/e was gonna take over da ingdom and her running away helped stop it and they berry the gut wo the gianta iced
so later they put a beehive in a  giants helmet and run as this small bugs have an effect on this huge monster and he falls off a cliff
the good knight over guy stays behind to get back the crown and gives jacko an emblem to show he's one of them and jack and girl escape
where are all the girl giants?
maybe they are hermaphrodites abd only look male?
so king starts choppin the tree in his saint saiya gold knight armor and his men help
up in da sky, jack and princess make out and look diwn at da urth like in superman
so how does the sun work with this sky land?
is it another realm like in urotsukidoji?
so scuzzy brings his zentraedi atmy and oven kniight ambushes him and they have a death match in an underground river
scuzz is hanging odfd a waterfall and torments over guy by knifing his hands but over guy gets him with a shank and he bites it
but b4 oven guy can gte back da crown, 2 heads grabs him and wears the crown like a ring
sorta like the regent getting iced and edwards taking over the invid
on urth the beano stalko spazzes out and oven knight jumps and grabs it as it falls
as it goes down, jack and girl swing on a vine and land in a haypile as oven knight jumps in da moat as it busts a bit of da castle
chick reunites with king and tells him how scuzzmo betrayed them
king thanks jack for saving his girl and jack sez bye to princess
so is that beanstalk evil?
imagine if people ate it and devolved into scorpian apes
so da jjiants find the beans scuzzy took and plant em on their sky island(like angel island in sonic 3?) and they go up a bit, then down for some reason
shouldn't it go to heavenn and they fight Angels?
on utrth jack sees the beans comming and rides his ghorse whhich came bak to tell da king and his men
then the giantts come running in and chase em while taking out the kings mebn
if only they had veritechs
so they run to the castle and the soldiers prepare for mortal kombat and have flaming arrows and a moat full of oil
violence jack jumps on the moving drawbridge and billy 2 heads jumps on but gets arrowed and bites it in the firey moat
wait, he fakes it and swims around
i was wondering how that could ice him
where are all the mages?
if magic beans are real then can't they cast spells?
so somehow the giants get grappling hooks and pull on the draw birdge
king tells princess to escape and light a warning beakon to the other kingdoms and jack to help
they go through hidden areas and the humans use ballistas to pull the bridge back
da giants throw flaming trees atb the city o caslte or w/e and humans sniper em with a repearting crossbow
giants bust the crowwssbows with thrown cr-p and this reminds me of that game with red and blue  plastic soldiers where you set up a small castle and an enemy side and fire stuff at it to trigger the rubber band pieces that bbust
i think its called seige
so 2 bad gets in the casyke and looks for princess and chaes em as it busts tthe place
juant grabs em and is gonna eat jack but jack throws a magic bean in his throaw and it grows outta him and wates him sorta like edwards in the genesis pit in robotech
so da giants gets through the bridge and king closes te gates but they get by dat and the beans grow outta the castle and bust it
da giants go on their knees and jack comes out with da crown controlling em
make em seppuku!!
then jack reads the story to his kids saying the guants went home, king let princess marry a non royal, and tells them the giant strory as a montage shows the crown becoming the crown in soviet england today
that was a good twist having this story and the previous one of the 1st king being long ago legends
the end
well, i liked it
its not awful
its got good charm, fun, coolness, action, not too gory or edgy but enough for dat pg13
the king wasnt shown as evil as most movies to today
good effects and sorta bada55
good reinvention of a classic story
I think it turned out well and worked
it takes a lot of stuff from other shows but i think it uses em well
not a bad way for 2 hours
Oh and jack getting the crown to stop the giants was 1st done in Robotech II The Sentinels where they stopped the Invid Brain to stop the Inorganics
for jack the giant slayer 2 i want it to be the 2030s and the giants have developed their own kinda bio tech outta mutating plants to beome vehicles and weapons and wage an attack on da urth. they bst of most of the human cities but the humans fight back with diesel powered mech suits that use a modified agent orange to burn away the plant wapons and armor. Its also a 128 bit Dreamcadt, PS2, Xboxx and GameCube game where you play as a bada55 female pilot in a mech who goes on missions to fight off the gisnts and their organic magic tech.

Sunday, March 22, 2020

Yogi Bear Review

Note: I spell worse than the average bear
Yogi Bear
This is my review on Yogi Bear friom 2010(the year of the 1ast robotech war)
i never saw this b4 but wattchied the 20th century cartoons in the 90s
but i never saw yo yogi
so it starts in jellystone park where the super volcano is gonna wipe out da urth and make us go promal rage 1 day and yogi f's a ppiccnicker for their basket
then title
the ranger is malciontent ovver things in tthe part aand not being so high  on the totom pole
so yogi sets up a trap for the next basket to be launched to him
as a fam comes the ranger gets there and sez there was a complaint about them and that bears should avoid people
then the basket flies by and yogi gets face pied
later a blonde  who knows wild nature ssh-t comes by to film a nature doc and wants to do it on yogi
so latr da mayor of w/e state this is in is gonna go governer and the thing is running outta cash
so he decides to f oveer jellystone for cash
so this stars dan aykroyd from crossroads, justin timberlake from some gasy bad in the 90s and anna faris from scaryu movie
so yogi falls on his fat a55 trying to jack a pic a nic basket andranger introduces yogi and boo boo to blonde wo trys speaking bear to em as she lived with bears for 6 months
is that a thing on grizzly man? the idiot who wanted to prove huans can live in peace with wild animald by living in alaska with bears?
he was eaten alive!
Worst Crossover: Yogi Bear Vs Grizzly Man!
btw yogi and booboo are cg in a huan wotld like the sonic movie
so then mayor mcaids comes by saying the park burns more cash than it makes and if it dont make more cash, it can be reused for other stuff
and they got 1 week to get 30 000 $
and the proms tomorrow!!
then we hear weird al''s lasagna song as yogi and booboo live in a cave and yogi slapped together some cr-ppy air thing to snatch pic a nic baskets
so ranger comes by for missing fishing poles and wants yogi to stop stealing
in samurai times they used theives for sword testing
so rangger and his minion go up through da park to find blonde and ranger smith (like agent smith from the increasingly cr-ppy matrix movies?) has dinner with her
then yogi comes in with 100 $ he got from the park donation box
after a dance to baby got back, he trys to coome up with ideas to help the park but smith wants yogi to stay out of the thing
so blonde sees a season pass for 50 $ for a year, camping fees included and wants to doa 100th anniversery thing foor da park
blonde reorders the letters on a plane thing for a restaurent to advertize it and they try adverizing
mayor talks to disgruntled mintion in a sandwitch board who thinks these ideas s-ck and gets him to work for him to f the smith plans to becoome the 1st in command
but he was a boy scout and has more honor than becoming a starscream
huh, this movie got butt hammered by critics but made a lot of cash
so ranger smith tells malcontent it took him 12 years and this pushes him over the edge and he shoots yup the place, i mean, turns against him
so yogi cant resist his urge to jack food and has booboo handcuff him to a tree
after spazzing out he gets free
later malcontent ranger tells lies aboutr smith to trick yugi into f ing with agent smith, who i wanna call ranger gord after the red green show character.
then the song by poison: nothing but a good time, plays as yogi does a watch skiing thig
he sets hs cape on fire and spazzes out as rangger gord catches his fire baton from hittomg the fireworks
but tthey get hit and go off anyway and go at the crowd
its the zentraedi!! they've come for the protoculture!!
so things look f'd and ranger gord is gonna give up like in every movie like this
so gord goes and yogu is gonna give up on acting like a humanoid and live like a filthy wild animal eating animals he kills and poops on
malcontent ranger tunes up the vehicle he wanted to ride, like riki-oh ditching his evil twin bro to be a rch kid with a trycycle(this is canon. i read the manga) and drives in a circle
meanwwhile, smith is workking in the city cleaning up trash(is this soviet california? watch out for aids needles!!) and mayor tells starscream hes gonna clear out da trees
so yogi is trying to be average(which is pretty low if you look into it) and booboo gets him not to be but trees are being f'd down and yugi gets dressed with the superman theme
so yugi and bobo get to the city on a train and yogi gets butt hammered by a fence while getting in
in the city they f things up and meet angent smith and say sorry for not being caring of others
smith realizes the mayor is gonna do logging in da parek and gives up but yugi gives a speech to get him into it
they go back and see blonde freaking out a guard saying she lived with gorillas (and was probably b0ned by em) and knows primal rage
ranger smith sez sorry and they reconsile and they look through her footage to find boobooz et turtle is from an extinct race and as its endangered, the loggers cant cut.
wait, hes the last of his kind, and the chosen one, who can save his homeland?
what is this? breath of fire?!
so yogi lets it slip the turntle is in his lair and ranger gord gives up
but its ust a trap as he knows the forrest and drive to get it
starscream gets the turntle and outs it in a picnic basket and yogi uses his glider thing he macguyvered outta cr-p to drive off a cliff and fly over
so mayor aid sez to staarscream hes gonna log the park and whack the turtle and stalls for time as yogi sky dives to take the basket to save da turtle
and yogi's pickicn basket jacking sklls saved the day
so the glider f'd out and they use an eject raft to land in the river and yogo pulls in ranger gord and blonde who try to pull them to shore
yogi sends them to the rapids too avoid the baddz and they go over the falls but land in a tree branch thats always growing outta the falls
so then starscream comes by and sez sorry and atones for his sins by committing seppuku
jk he drives em back but mayor sez he's gonna get rid of da turtle and after a football thing, aid gets it and maoyr sez they has no eveidence to stop him
so the turtle gets away by using its yoshi tongue and mayor givs his campairgn video but ranger gord puts in the video booboo took of his tirade to expose him
the turlte found its way there and shows up next to them in front of da news and people and he's done
blonde jumps on aid like a snow leopard and i guess she's a furry and nd ranger and yogi say they like eachother as they are and to be happy as yourself
so people come to da park to c da trurtle and yoogiiss still jacking their baskets
blonde is into ranger and they're probaly gonna breed and have a dozen kids
yph ghi dives by with a  few picnic tables on his cart and ranger gord chades him
then credits to animation and 00s music
the end
that was not so bad
nice lite innocent family movie
no swearing or nude scenes or gore or deviants
just a nice lite story
yeah its not gone with the wind or ben hur or birth of a nation
but its not awful
its a decent movie thats somewhat entertaining and has a few good ideas
if you got kids or liked the cartoons of it as a kid, this is for tyou
for yogi bear 2 i want poachers to come for the turtle and once he's iced, the park gets burned down. so yogi moves in ith ranger and blonde in the city and meets a new crew of animal homies in the city a he trys to be cool and trendy and having slice of life adventures in the city and living in an apartment with ranger and blonde. also its a dating simulator game on nes, gameboy, master system, game gear, tg16 and atari lynx where you play as yogi in a lime green jacket and try to find a girl bear to breed with while solving crimes and fighting ninjas.

Thursday, March 19, 2020

Trolls Review

Note; i spelll like a feature length toy add
this is my reiew on trolls from 2016, the year of the malcontent uprisings in rootech and the bad states
i never saw this b4 but heard some liked it
so it starts with narration in a kids book of happy trolls who were eaten by cr-ppy monsters jealous of their happy
so its communism? taking from those with good for the bad?
and now 1x a year they eat em
its directed by mike itcchell who also did deuce bigelow 1, urviiing christmas, and the 2nd lego movie
so the prince of the monsters gets to eat his 1st troll
but its a troll doll not a real troll and the trolls are gone
da kiing troll goes ack to save some and does it
it stars Anna Kendrick(the big utt blonde from paranorman), Justin Timberlake(from that gay boy band(which one?!)), Christopher Mintz-Plasse(who?), Zooey Deschanel(from that 00s movie i just reviwed), Christine Baranski from Foodfight!, Russell Brand(gayyy!), James Corden(gayyyyyyy), Jeffrey Tambor from some 90s shows, John Cleese froom monty python p0rn0es and Gwen Stefani.
so years later da priincess is grown up and they live happy in a hidden thing like da smurfs and sing 2010s songs and dance in music video style things
1 crotchety troll is malcontent over feariung the monsters coming ands singing makes sound that lures em in
so trolls are doing a party later(is this gonna be like the dance in halloween 1 how they mention it but never have it>) and crotch troll dont like fun or partys
latter they're having a 90s clubby party and it allerts the monster looking for em who fins em later and they scatter but most get caght and put in a fannypack
so king is too decroded to save emm and princess has to save em
imma just assume that this ends with the trolls helping the monsters figger out the real fun in in you the hole time and they find another way to be haoppy besides eating trolls
so princess goes to crotch troll and heis paranoid about the monster still being there and she needs his hhelp to save her homies but he dont wanna
he knows more of tose monsters than anyone somehow(isnt he her age? wouldnt he be a baby last time they faced em??) and he has a bunker with 10 years of supplies like a Y2K nut
she gets the other trolls in his bunker and they jack his supplies so to get em out he needs to help her
totally not like world of quest or inuyasha where a grouchy guy isa forced to work for some dink
so on their trip the princess sings a positive song as animals try to eat her
is this a vore movie??
so she gets caught in cobwebs and the cobs come for her but crotch elf saves her by hair whipping emm into a ceatures mouth and it eats em
so crotch elf comes up with a plan for saving the captured and they go off as he's sour and sges cheerful
i assume she's gonna give up and he's gionna cheer her up when needed
she sez  she trys to think positive even if things are f''d
at night they camop and she sings hello darkness my old friend as plants outta cuphead sing with her
hen its day and they meet a cloud guy who wants a high five from crotch a55. afteer more  a55 holery cerotchmouth chases cloud guy and he leads em through the maze that only 1 way is good and the rest go to h-ll
so they get to da monster town and everyone s-cked so as they do, it means theu didnt eat a trollz yet
monster prince is bummed thinking he wont be happy and the one who found da village comes in after being banished 20 years ago and now has trollz
wtf is that monster a chick?!
they are gonna bring back the ritual feast of eating trolls but banished monster wants to use tis to take over
what is she? T R Edswards from Robotech II The Sentinels?!
so prince sees theres not ennuff trolls for everyone and banished chich (called chef) wants him to eat a troll but he takes a whikle and she forcefeeds him
what kinda fetish is this?!
so the heroes go around da castle and see a monster singing a bummer a55 song, oh its the lionel rutchy song hello, about how shes gay for the prince
man these nonsters are kinda ugkly
no babes in movies any more!
gotta represent the ugmos
oh and da prince is now da king in the 20 years since
princess thinks the eated troll is still alive somehowand she helps the caught trolls escape
then prin trys to help her eated friend by dealing with the crushed on king monster girl
but crush monster has no confidence so she is gonna help her
crotch elf reveals he wont sing as he thinks singing iced his grandma as he was singing and didn't notice the monster coming for him
gramma got caught unstead and went to H E Double Callifornia (Aka Soviet England) and he swore off singing since
wow how totallly original
i mean its  not like that hillary duff movie or that ww2 film where montgomery clift was a boxer
or that movie (the 9th confgureation?) where this war vet swore off violence after being volent and had to be violent to save his patient being b0ned in the mouth by bikers
so crush monster has a rainbow wig flirts wih monster king and has princess in her wig telling her what to say
so they have a pizzadate and crotch elf tells her romantic things to say like cyrano and she sez some nice things on her own
he reveals he didn't eat da elf and is saving her an they have a good time
then go rollerdisco and chef comes byy and probably recognizes her a her slave
she runs off and leaves a rollersk8 behnd totallly not like cinderella and th hobgoblins in her hair (they all were there) are happy
ccrush monster wants the gnon=mes to keep helping her but she shouldn't have to be someone shees not to be happy(is this a gender issues thing?)
she goes b--chy an whiny and thinks only ating trolls makes yu happy and da trolls fight the kings pet gater dog
and save thei captured not eaten homie
but hes not in da locket and after getting away the chef catches em
she has the caught troll and hes selling them out to save himself by gives them the locatiion of da village
oh and princess is gay for him
oh and hes got a brittish accent for some reason
didnt they all grow up together?
is this like cockney jack atlas in yugioh 5ds?
so chef and traiter raid the viillage and laterthe troll feast is gonna happen
so princess gets bummed out at everything going f'd and gives up
all theese kids moviees are the same!!
one way out!!
commits seppuku!!
at least its better to be with the good movies... N H-LL!!
wait, california dont do good anymore!!
so crotcha55 sis a song for the 1st time in years and its true colors by cindi lauper who's a bit disgruntled with some media things latley, and she cheers up
lightb our darkest hpur!!
so crush orc saves em by taking em outside and sez thanks for helping her be happy
but at the dinner chef gets king to think crush elf woont show and princess goes back to help crush imp so she woontt be ruined
she gets there in a rollerskate and land on her head as its disco vered teres no trolla and put da wig on her, revealing shes his gf
chef orders da guards to spear her fat a55 but trolls say ing never had a troll and was happy on her dae
chef trys to forcefeed prince a living troll (freekin fetish!!) and prin prin sez happy is already in us and dont need to be eaten BEATINGU
then da monkeys sing some 2010s song and everyone dances and they waste chef with lemon in her eyes and setting her on fire as she falls out da castle(totally not like dr x)
so da trollz go home, crotcha55 marrys princess i think and princess gos queen
then credits to disco
the end
that wasn't bad
its colorfu, livley, upbeat, not too annoying, decent music, based on a toy from the 80s
yeah its kinda the same as all other movies like it but it wasn't horrible
its a decent kids movie
unless ur in soviet malaysia and its 13+
then again they banned ep 1 of fangbone!
can they handle sesame street?
snuffeluffogus might scare the candy a55es
oh and in a midcred scene, chef and traitor get eaten by a big a55 thing
but i didnnt hate it and its message was sort of like The Blue Bird from 1918
Its pretty good.
Maybe now we can get that Stone Protectors movie
The genesis game of that was good
Trolls meets Street Sharks
for Trolls 2 I want it to be the future and the Trolls have higher tech and look like mad max guys. The monsters from the 1st film have gione back to eating em as its easier to eat a roll than try to be happy as yourself and an elite band of Trolls with musical instrument weapons fights em and raiids camps to save the imprsoned. Also its a 16 bit run n gun game like Contra or Earthworm Jim on Sega Genesis, SNES, GBA, TG16 and Atari Jaguar where you play asmembers of a crack tam and go through levvels to free the trolls. Wait, Make it more like the GB Ninja Turtles games. Those were good.

Tuesday, March 17, 2020

Hook Review

Noe: I spell like peeder pan
this is my review on Hook from 91
its basically peter pan gx as its a sequel set years after the original by a different author
maybe gt as its still got the origonal guy, but here hes not a kid again
its directed by steven spedilburg and stars robin williams, dustin hofman, julia robetrs(whos brother or w/e eric was in the human centipede 3), bob hoiskins, dante basco and cameos by 80s celebs
it did well and people love it but critics hated it cuz they s-ck
they bashed the yugioh movie!!
i saw this a few times and liked it
huh, speilburg wanted it as a musical with michael jackson as pan
that would be weird
the movie is based on specilburdis grade school kid saying "what if peeder pan grew up" and "what if hook survived being eated by da crock"
my grade school cousin had an idea for a book; good night harambe, where a zoo guy goes around snipering animals
btw this movie is like 3 hours  long with adds so this review wll be a while
oh and it had partial production by daianas baby daddy whjo was iced with her by the queen
so it starts with a grade school play of peter pann and robin willims as pan gets a phone call from work where he sez he gotta be at his sons baseball game
but baseball is gay so peeder skips it to manage a trubutee to granny wendy who helps orphans
he sends a minion to record the game and son f's out at bat
baseball s-cked!!
btw the 90s was the last time you could do a modern peter pan story as thats the last time 1800s kids were alive
so then peeder takes a cr=ppy plane and is freeked out by it and his son draws the plane going down andv peeder not having a chute
we get it
speelburg hates his dad
probably never got over having his weener skinned
someone lets a guy bite off my thing? i'd get disgruntled too
so they make ut to soviet england and go to see wendy
toodles is there and is mental as he lost his marbles
no one sez that anymore
i miss that phrase
dat 90s
oh and wendy is played by minerva mcgonagall from harry potter
if only it was minerva mink from animaniacs!!
so the kids are having fun and work calls and disgruntles peeder and he yells at em to SHUT THE F--K UP YOU LITTLE C-CK SUCKERS! IMMA BEAT THE BLACK ON YOU AND SKIN YA TO USE AS BEDSHEETS!!
the kids leave and his wife trys to get him to not be an a55 hole as they don't have their kids as kids forever
wendy tellz da kidz when da baby loled for the 1st time, it broke into 100 pieces and became da 1st faerys
so cain or abel?
and j m barrie wrote her real life storys as a book and made a load of cash
so later they have the hostpial thing for wendy and peeder sez wendy got him rents and helped other kids
and wendy found homes for other lost kids
the lost boys?! like the cory movie?
meanwgile some magic cr-p happens at wendys place and whenn the guys get back da kids are kidnapped
probably some high class britmies like in Rob Roy
Which means the kids are being b0ned as we speak
gay brit mo; i didn't know it was a boy til i was in!!
the cops are no help and wendy asks peeder to remember his youth but he cant
sounds like he has repressed memories
like he was b0ned as a kid by some brit mo
so wendy sez she used to be liked by peeder and when peeder saw her 1st 13 year old grand daughter he decided not to go back to neverland
those hollywood degenerates must love this
going after 13 year olds
something they can relate to
webdy sez peeder forgot and the storys are real and later tinkerbell comes in  and fights peeder
if this were a  game there'd be a battle with her(or as her)
btw in the books its said tinkerbell was thicc
peeder dont believe it and she gets bummed
when she ttells peeder saying you dont believe in them makes em bite it, she fakes biting it
peeder killing faeries?
at least hes not choppin up the lost boys like in da boox
peeder sez he never took drugs cuz he mised the 60s and tink carrys him arcossthe sky to neverland
he wakes up in some well made waterfront area with (butt?) piirates and they try to jack his shoes but tinkerbutt saves him and disguises him as a pirate
smee comes out and introduces hook and it only took like 40 mins for the title character to show up
hook sez he iced and (butt?) stuffed the croc and is gonna ice pan after takking his kids
the best peeder pan was fox's peter pan and the pirates
hook tortures a guy wjo doubted him by putting him in a box with big black scoropians
imagine if they were footlong centipedes and they went in his butt?
hook brings out pans kids and peeeder reveals himself but hook dont believe it as  this guy is a fat sack of cr-p
hook wants a great battle and string up his  kids and sez if peeder can fly up tthere and tough their finger he'd set em free
peeder clibms as the (butt?) pirates mock him and he f's out
btw, i hear speilbergs kid got into p0rn0
so much for fmily themes in his films
so tink gets hook to give her 3 days to train peeder to get ready for the epic war
they dump peeder in da water and bikini mermaids breath air in him with a kiss
1st; hes married!!
2nd; i dont think they breathe out oxygen unless they are plants
so da remaiming next generation of lost boys save him and et him to some tree fort base and they think he s-cked
they are lead by bart from hokuto no ken as rufio who looks even more mad max than fist of the north star and they playfully f with him in light playful ways
1 kid plays with peeders face and sees his inner self and the other kids do it too and believe hes him
its kinda nice
but rufio sez as hes got pan sword hes the new pan
i keep thinking of pan from dbgt when i type this
meanwhile hook and smee are eating cr-p and hook gets disgruntled and tries to blow his brains out
thats kinda f;d when you think of it but its shown as funny
smee gets the idea to get pans kids to love hook (ewww!!!)
the kids train pan to get back in shape (what is this? DBZ?!) annd they slingshot him to help him fly
hook trys teaching pans kids to hate peeder and mrs peeder and girl gets what hes up to so he gives her an F as a grade and she spazzes out over it
smee takes her away to the cetipede room as shhe tells son to run home and not forgget as hook sez pan went to daughters play but not sons baseball game
how long does this go?
10 00?! (started at 7)
I got 2 hours of this sh-t to f--k! (its 8 18)
also these a huge black kid called thud butt (whuich sounds like a p0rn0 name) who's the butt of the fat jokes
nowaday's he'd probably be on my 600lb life!!
so at dinner the kids eat pretend food and rufio mocks peeder with 90s style g insults of slop and puke and bugs as the kids cheer
eventually peeder gets his groove back and insults rufio til r boy queers out and when peeder spoon flings imaginary food at rufio, it splats him with colorful cr-p and he can see pretend fool
it looks like sugary icing
i wanted a cake made fully of icing as a kid
looking back i'd just be eating a pile of icing
then they food fight and peeder slices a coconut that takes like 5 seconds to move 25 feet
oops, forggot to say: this came out in 91 was when the snes and sonic came out
so thud butt has a nie moment where they recall good times and tuhd butt gives peeder toodls marbles
oh and peeders girl sings some song totally not like a disney movie
so the next day hook takes pans boy to a room of busted clocks (like gt with th sugoroku realm?!) and he lets boy bust em to deal with his anger at pan for failing him and all these little cr-ppy things kids have
as a kid i malcontently had the idea of if i had my own place, i;d skewer someone who came by when they opened the door with a spear
i also thought of a chainsaw bazooka where you fire chainsaws at people
later hook gives pan jr a ballgame as he's from the castlevania days or w/e and  dont know how much baseball s-cked
baseballl is the worst game ever!
you can't even sledgehammer anyone!
in hockey you can roundhouse kick peoples guts out!!
so peeder is there to steal hooks hook(sdtealing a prostetic from an amputee?! thats f'd up!!) but can't as he's too busy being into his candy a55 kid for once in his life
1 pitare tries to steal second so a guy caps him
but they play with cr-ppy a55 official rules so no violence
the pirates say run home but switch to home run and son gets a home run
peeder is disgruntled and goes to da base to try to fly but the home run ball gnails his skull
later he sees his young self in a water reflexion and sees his shadow moving on its own
shadow dancer; the secret of shinobi!!
peter pan vs ninjas!!
he finds a tree with the original casts names on it and in it is a hidden base zone wwith tinkerbell in a dress like wedding peach and the thimble that he thought was a kiss from wendy and he remembers his past and his 1800s mom who didnt notice his careiage rollsing away and just left him
tink found hom  and brought him to never walnd and after he grew up in nverland somehow,  flew home and saw his window  was shut and his mom forgot him
how dark
he went to other windows ike a wh0re and found wendy but ventually she had kids and grand kids and he saw her granddaughter and fell in love with her
is this like dbgt how goku is like 8 and chichi is in her 60s?
so then he stayed with her and grew up as he wanted to be a dad and this is his happy memory that lets him fly
btw, him not being able to fly cuz he's got too many sad thoughts was used in harry potter with hagrid
so he flys aroun and the kids cheer and he pants rufio, whisch is kinda sick when yo think of it, and ruufio returns his z saber and acknowledges him as the real pan
so i guess pan goot ret-rded as he talks and acts like a kid now and for gott about his kids but tink helps him rememebr bby growing to human size and gives him a kiss
dude, he's maried! and you knew him since he was a baby!!
so peeder and da booyz make armor of sticks which will totally hold up to cold steel and on the 3rd day they go to war
hook has pan jr dressed like him and is gonna givve him a hook ear piercing but peeder returns and no he's gonna have to wait til hes 14
peeder jr dont wanna go with peeder cuz hes a fat swck of cr-p and theres a tvpg swashbuckling errol flynn style sword fight thats pretty cool
peeder tells son that son was his happy thought
btw, a boy and girl with dad issues and in some weird theme park like thing?
totally not jurassic park 1
thn da lost boyz  come over and its more fun action adventure pg sword fights
plus goopy 90s splatter eggs and slop to the face and marbles on the ground
totally not home alone 1-8
thud butt curls up and rolls into guys totally not like sonic
so pan jr starts to recall his past life and rufio faces hook kinda like joe vs krauser in the 2nd fatal fury anime
so hook shanks rufio as we gotta get a sad mov=ment in this movie and he bites it saying he wished he had a dad like peeder
totally not like in the live action fist of the north star moive where dante basco goes to dante's inferno
so peeder gets his kids back and they are gonna go but hook sez he's gonna keep going after his fam as he dont age  in neverland and can do this forever
they have one last boss fight and hook sez this is all a dream but the boys say they believe in him and he fight s down hook
hook cuts his arm with the hook instaed of getting him in th got o crotch and the kids trigger him with clocks
the fight goes to the yard with this dinocroc stiffed and propped up and hook beats i meabn is beat by pan
pans gonna ice him but his kids dont want him to waste anyon as hes not arnold or stallone or jean claude or segall and peeder gives him a chance to gtfo
hook pulls a dagger and gets pan at knifepoint, but likea dumba55, ties to waste him with his ghook instaed of the blade at pans neck, so pan throws the hook into the croc and it fallls on him and eats him
wtf man!!
you had him!!
if i got a guy at gunpoint, i'm not gonna pull out another gun and try to aim and wack him with thattt!!
btw, wasnt the croc dead?!
i guess hejust got better or w/e
so tnk uses angel dust on the kids and  they fly and pan makes thud butt the next in charge as hes a big load of sh-t like he used to be
so back in the human realm, ait, is neverland like the jujin kai and makai realsm in urotsukidoji?, mrs pan is waiting for her kids annd she sees em in bed safe
how are they gonna explain this to ds cops?!
the kidnapper just returned em?
they'll probably get charged for filing a false report
so peter th baby eater(baby back ribs)  wakes up outside and sees a guy looking like smee and sezz bye to tinkerbell who sez she'll see him between asleep and awake and she loves him
he finds his phone and  tells brad his neverland  adventure and he ran outta faery dust and has to climb the drain pipe
he knox on da window and his kid lets him in and hes cheerful and tells him to kep the window open
michael jakcsons dad tormented his kids for leaving the window open by wearing a mask and faking being a kidnapper
that f'd him up
peter to his kid; to infinity and back again
me; pixar  is gonna sue
peeder gives tooodles his marbles and has a good moment with ewendy and toodles spills the angel dust oon himself from his marble bag and flies
so peeder sez; to live will be an awfully big adventure and we see soviet england as toodles flies and yellow credits to good mucis
the end
and its only 9 26
i loved this
good mostly clean fun with heart and adventure
speilburg hates it but this was part of my 90s youth
i got the sega genesis game on a compilation multicart so i might do that at some point
well produced and directed an acted and great effects and music
that early 90s late 80s feel
i loved it and its a feel good 90s classic that is just nice good tvpg fun and action
its even got a bit of 30s errol flynn and good action amd heart
it goes by at a good pace and doesn't feel long
i loved this since da 90s and it still holds up
peter pan gt
for hook 2 i want it to be the 2020s and peter pan kids are grown up and live in a cyber city with people having implants to let them jack in to the system. hook reveals he faked being iced by the croc again s part of his plan and now that peter is a geezer he can't be stopped. he sees the cyberoolis the world has become and likes it and get modded to be a cyber piate and once on the system, he wreak havoc and fights peters descendants in the cyber world and taking control of peoples limbs and bodies with implant hacking to make them do indecent things in public and be arrested. Its also a 16 bit cyber punk rpg on sega genesis, snes, atari jaguar, gba and tg16 wjere you play as hook and go around cyberspace and taking out pans relatives 1 by one.

Sunday, March 15, 2020

Abandoned Review

Note: i spell bad but this movie is seen as bad so it ditz
this is my review on abandon from 2002(when sega started doing games for other systems)
its got katie holmes (the daughter of john holmes?), benjamin bratt from catwoman, zooey deschanel from some cr-p i never saw and tony goldwin the relative of samuel who started mgm
its based on a book i never read and reviewers said this film s-cked
its directed by Stephen Gaghan who did the 2020 doolittle cr-p
i never saw this b4 and never heard of it but saw its on at night and figgered, hay, people said it s-cked, i gotta see this
aw gay!
its widescreen!
but has, wait, it fixxed itself
its fullscreen again
so these teen chixwalk through this blue tint town and go to a jorb faire
benjamin bratt is in the office and i think is a cop again and has to find a college kid who vanished
so then some post 90s college kids including the teens are hangin out and being exestensial and so ugh
so tthen ben is looking for the missing uy who had 2 unused tickets to greece cuz i guess hes into butt stuff and ben investigates and hears there was an archeological dog in soviet greece
so katie is given a  message that shes to come to this house and she goes to meet ben and oh f her name is katie in the movie?! what next? jean clauses character being named jean?
so the missing guy is heer bf and she knowz no theeng!!
also theres malcontent students protesting the rotted dorms being torn diown or fixed up as gentrification is bad to them
i'd say the bf was ritual sacrificed in the dorms for some black magic ritual
wait thats yugioh gx
so k8e flashbax of her bf and when she wakes up she chats with her bummed out grundge like room mate who wants a good mark or something
i miss cheerful 80s teens
these post 90s onres are so, uhh, gag me with a spoon
so ben finds an art teaher who sez bf was malcontent and hated da system or something gay and left 3 weex b4 graduatuon and leeft for a dig in sovie cambodia (i 'd up b4)
k8e sez she never knew her dad and gives a cr-ppy life story for a board of some people asking what she learned and she gives a long wordy monologue in a dead voice
then another bf flashback of him in choir and tells them to sing like monks about God to God and how these teens s-ck
he focus's on k8e and gives her advice and cr-ppy i'm so important themes of them being the center of the universe
ugh, as if!
later shes in her dorn and the 1  black character xommes in as people in da next room are loudly b0ning
so later ben chatz with k8r anout bf but she dont care about him as he p-ssed her off
he''s pribably in h-ll rright now
so her homies take her to a party and holy cr-p its in coolor
usually in this film thats just for flashbax
some 3rd world guy's dad became governer and paid for the partyu
durriing da party, another fleshbavk  wait, its just those teens doing drugs
but arcade games told me; winners dont do drugs
then again these teens are loswrs
alsso she sees her bf ghost or w/e in da window
the drugs let her see h-ll
but he vanishes and laer some beta male comes by asking if shes ok and a cop asked him about some guy called embry like the guy from the 80s  non canon robotech movie
he tells her shes not one of those twips who always has problems and wants to go to a protest but she knows its all cr-p and he goes to j-rk off on the floor
then another flashnack ofg her and embry whos her bf and they talk abbout singing
he reads her schedual and sez shes a virgin as no one dat organized has time to b0ne
then they make out to late 90s romance music
oh, they b0ned
then tony, tarzan, goldwin comes by in niw time and invites her to a b ball game
later ben looks at footage of bf putting on a play and having a f da world attitude and the play had a hidden area or something
he vanished dat night
so she sees tarzan tony and hes a shrink or w/e and perscribes her drugs
later she chats with a friend if she otta b0ne tony
so later ben looks more into things and hears there was a drug ring at school
bf was into drugs and ot kept him normal, also his rich rents bit it so i guess hes batman
so later k8r goes throughthe school and finds a grate and sez to her tony shrink se heard her bf saying her name from behind the bookshefs and shes afraid hes back
is this phantom of the opera?!
so a friend of k8e sez b wanted to live in a boat on soviet euroope but was going more into other chix. also he was jealous and beat up giys he feared would outdo him like that beta male who bn is now interviwing
man, we're only an hour in?
so much happened i thought it was longer
its pretty fast paced, but not too fast
so she has another flash back and then we see a snowfield and her in some cabin or something
i think this is her chilld hood
so then she goes to see ben and sez she thinx bf is back
ben tells hias backsatory and how his dad was a cop and he had legal cr-p
 and also did photography or something
she finds his room of cr-o on the case and leaves but beta maale comes out about being gay for her
imma say it now; i never saw this but i think he iced her bf and ate him or something
she turns him down and he goes off to j-rk off on the floor again as she returns to her room
a guy bangs on her door and she finds a card of her bfs play hip hop inferno (ohhh wow! thats baaaad!!)
she chex out da rotted dorm and sees bf there who sez he  f'd with her for 3 weeks and was out traveling the world for weeks like g gundam or rave master
she b--ches about how she tried hard to avoid thinking of him each time da phone rang or got a letter and he sez he loves her and she runs
so she goes to type cr-p and a loser whines about her leaving the door to the tunnel open and sez beta male is missing
she tells ben and in a meeting with schol guys, they ask if beta makle was into drugs
later she asks bf where beta male is and he sez he';d tell her at da country house
ben talks to her loser friend and shes jealous of all the guys wanting to b0ne k8e
then anothet flashnavck of kids in a sunny yard
they had the sun in here?!
must've been in da 80s
so another homie of k8e sees be3n and sez bf was her love and l8r k8e is in this house and its night
the doors are locked and bf is there and makes out with her but she wants to know where beta male is and he sez he chopped him up
she kicks him and runs a few steps instead of finishing him off and they talk
later ka8e is with ben and sez she went to see bf
i guess he just let her out
ben goes to the rotted dorm i think and gets info and goes to some rresident evil milky white lab
then k8e gets tickets and 10 000 $ or something
she then spendz time with ben who sez his dad was a teacher
so they b0ne and later the lab tests say the ink on the card from b4 was from 2 years ago
k8e wants to take a year off and be with benito
so later k8e is out at night abds bf grabs her and holds her throat then runs off
benn is there now and she tells him and threy go to this gross a55 place like a rotted building and split uop and i think this is a flashback as wait its not hes just yelling her to go and not taking her to euripe
she sez she loves him and wait, this is a flashback and she'ss spszzing out seeing memories and yelling
she thinks ben is bf but n da fleshback she busts bf's head and i think he goes to h-ll
also i think she also does it to benny
bf falls in da water and goes to h-ll but 1st we see him sinking like in that cr-ppy titanic movie with leonardo desomodus
later tarzan goldwin sez he gotta dumpo her a55 as theres rules against office romance (which is gay as we should be free to fall in love. what is this? robotech season 2?!) and the movie ends implying shes gonna wack him too
then credits to cool mystery music
the end
that wasnt so bad
i can see why people hate it, but i dont
good twist but the constant cross cutting between present and past in the 2nd last scene was confusing
its got endless flashbacks, which makes sense as sge's nuts, and that seems kinda like the cabinet of dr caligari how the maon character was mental
i thought it was a pretty decent 00s  film like the glass house or christina's room (or was it house?)
its got that early 00s late 90s feel but a bit more in the 00s
i liked the blue tint like in many tim burton films and the music was good and it has a cool air
i liked it but i understand how sall the little things like the super fast pace and constant flashbacks could bug people
wait, what happened to the beta male?!
did it ever say where he went??
for abandoned 2 i want it to be her at her job in a bank thing and her mind is breaking down. hr use of drugs is also crackin it and soon she's going out at night to b0ne guys but when they get up to leae, she wastes em and starts eating their guts. also eating organs is making her devolve with the drugs she is on and sge becomes more apelike in body and smell. its also a 16 bit platform game like phantom 2040 on sega genesis, snes, gba, atari jaguar and tg16 where you play as her and eat your way to more power and taking on drug gangs to fuel your habit.

Friday, March 13, 2020

A Monster In Paris Review

note; i spell better than the french
a monster in paris
this is my review on a monster in paris from 2011 (the year of the 1st robotech war)
its got adam goldberg, daNNY huston, catherine o'hara and no one i'm famillier with
its directed by Bibo Bergeron who did animation for asterix, an american tail 2, ferngully, we're back a dinosaur story, a goofy movie, all dogs go to heaven 2, antz, the iron giant, and other nostalgic cr-p
i never saw this b4 but heard its good i think
huh, its based on the phantom of the opera and produced by luc besson who did taken and the 5th element
so its set in 1910 before the bad guys started ww1 and blamed germanny for it and there was just a river flood in soviet france
then its this cgcouple with qa nerdy girl and a beta male(well. he IS french!!) who almost get wat by a dinocroc who shoots fire
bbut its really a movie and a dream and the guy is working the projection in a theatre
so guy wants to be with the nerd girl but he;s a wiener and she has a cool guy comes by with a meilies film
the animatuon looks like the 2010s inspector gadget
he tries to ask her oot but isnt man enuff to get it out and goes off with cool guy to get camera parts and cool guy named raoul gives him advice
but cool guy has bad dna as hes allergic to birds
at da cam shop guy is into a new cmera and buys it but a theif jacks it andf cool guy accidentally stops him with his remote car accessories
they go to this mansion to see the professor and he's oopt in soviet new york but hes got a monkey whos in charge and sez not to touch anything
cool guy ignores this and guy films them going through it and cool giy f's with chemicals
he uses unstable fertilizer on a seed and it goes to house size sunfklower and knocks over chemicals that make some kinda bug monster appear and jump through the roof
cool guy didnt see it and they go off but the bug jumps aroudn the city like the tick at night
later this big buff guy whos like gaston from that disney movie wants something new and interesting
of he's obcviously the bad guy cuz he's an alpha male(despite being french) and this singer in the bar he's at does an angel song like in the portrait of dorian gray
after da song, sinbger is told to get a bf and shes not into the commissioner
later, at knighte, thsi couple drops her pearls and they see the bug and spazz out and tell da cops
1 cop wants to investigate and buff guy wants to be the hero of soviett france for this
they put signs uup and singer spooks cool guy who drops champaigen and they bicker
later main guy chex his footage and sees the monster and cool guy thinks they made it
also cop finds em from the film he found at the mansion
buff guy is on a date with singer and has a destiny view of humanity
cop takes da fiolm and shows it to the buff guy and they think the chemicals made a mmonkey flea into the bug
buff guy thanks cool guy for giving him a chance to be a hero ands  gives cool guy a medal from a box of em
at night the bug goes around and finds singer who trys to help it but she faints when seeing its face and spazzes out when she comes to and runs inside
but bugman sings a bummer song about hiding and we see his p o v of going around freakin guys out
how did it learn to talk??
so she warms up to it annd names iit a french name  meaning honest heart and lets it in
so is this gonna be the next king kong?
she makees it a suit and mask and gloves which totally makes a bugman fit in wiith people
at least in robotech the invid evolved their kind to be more humanoid
main amd cool guys come by as b4 she sed if they have the medal of honor they gget da best seat in the house
and they got some from da commissioner who i guess was the buff guy
this fat midget woman hears bug playing and loves it and wants singer to work with him
singer overhears cool guy and main guy saying cool guy is gay for singer and then singer and bugman do a show with a bit of western hint to it
is this rango 2?
also we see a dance thing in their mind or w/e  across the cuty and then its them on the show
afterward main and coool guy goes to see her and say the show was great but they discover bugman is the bugman when his extra arms come out
she gets em to see the bugman is ok and later ttheres a press confernce where buff guy sez hes gonna ice the monaster with water and thats totally the reason he didnt drain the streets
and a sissy waiter outs the monster as he overheard b4
cool guy and main guy race to the singers place after main guy gives nerd gitl a letter axin 4 a d8 and buff guy and and da cops bust in and search but theres nothing tthere
sissy guy gets arrested to be b0ned dead in 1900s french prison and after he goes, bugman was hiding in da piano
later buff guy announces hes running for mayor and songer songs a song and main guy gives buff guy the antidote to the mnster
then bugman come in all black like an emo kid and buff guy throws the antidote and cool guy stomps the now flea sized monster
but it was fake and buff guy finds it under the trap door and fires on it but its back shell protex it
it jumps away and excapes down a trolley as cool guy, main guy and songerslide down thr stairs on a wood sign
bugman gets more away on a bu ad buff guy goes after him in an air thing with a fan pedal thing sorta like a steam punk greendog on sega as good guys go throug the streets in cool guys car
good guys get bug and monkey dumps woof to block da cops as the cops get him
cool guy thtows his staw coat as bait to lure a horse out to bock da cops, although in the 1910s they'd probably just plow through it and clean up da splatter later
then buff guy uses a grappling hook and catches da car from his airship and main guy gets out on a moviing car to get it off as buff guy takes shots at him
eventually buf guy gets enough sadbas off and the pedal powered aipship is lifing up a truck, then drops it on a boat as bugman goes to the eye full tower
nerd girl is there nd bugman lands there but the growing roids is wearing off and the sunflower and bugman are turning back
good guys get to da awful tower but their truck sinks and they meet with nerd girl
buff guy caps the helium baloon holding his thing up to lower it and fights the guud guys
he kicks their beta a55es and singer is hanging from the tower as cool guy trys to save her but gets stuck
so now its snowing like how after noahs flood was the ice age and main guy and gerd girl try to stop buff guy but it f'd ut
then he turns on the tower lights and suckerpunched buff guy off the towerand hes probably dead
cool guy uses a seed he saved to throw in waterand it grows big enuff to save em
buff guy survives being dead and caps monster offscreen
then the investigators arrest buff guyfor icing bugman and f ing up paris witrh his crazy cr-p
dont drop the soap!!
nah, hes a big buff guy
he's gonna be butt hammering everyone else!!
so later professer returns and seez his lab and the seed and later singer is gonna sings a song but is bummed
thenn she hears the bug voice and cheers up and sings
good guys go back to da lab and use chemicals to turn the bug back to bugman and he dances with singer and cool guy
everyone dances like its dora the explorer
then its like a flashbavk or something and we se cool guy as a kid rolling his toy car and singer as a kid taking it
how are there cars?! isnt this in the 1800s?!
so in now cool guy confesses his love for singer and they snooch
the end
btw this was fullscreen
that was pretty good
nice, lite, clean, not dumb or doofy, decend animation, goood music, i like 1900s and 1800s things
that wwas pretty good
although its about an evil alpha male and heroic beta males fighting him
but i still enjoyed it
then in da credits, they use the airballoon to drop sunflowerseeds to suck up the water and grow big
now the end
but i liked it and thought it was welll done
it goes by at a good pace and doesn't drag
glad i saw it
for a monster in paris 2 i want sring heeled jack to start gutting people in paris and its up to the bug man to takke him on. also he fights several other 1800s and 1900s legends. its also an 8 bit platformer game like castlevania or vampire, master orf darkness on sega master system and game gear, nes, gameboy, tg16 and atari 7800 where you play as the bugman and take on various mutated frenchies affected by jack and beat the evil outta em.

Tuesday, March 10, 2020

Kubo And The Two Strings Review

note; u spwllsamurai but bad
kubo and the 2 strinbgs
this is my review on kubo and the 2 strings from 2016 (the year the earth was destroyed in MazinSaga on Sega Genesis)
i never saw it b4 but it looks cool
it stars Charlize Theron(ew!) , Art Parkinson(who?) , Ralph Fiennes, George Takei(ew!), Cary-Hiroyuki Tagawa(cool!), Brenda Vaccaro(who?), Rooney Mara (who?), and Matthew McConaughey(gay!!)
its directed by the guy who did the transformers movie bumblebee and was oscar nommed
so it starts with this boat landing at a place and this mom and her baby are there and baby is missing an eye
is this gonna be dororo by osamu tezuka?
so years lsater hes a tween and lies in a cae with his mom
its all stop motion but looks really fluid
this is some high grade work
kid does origami and goees to a village nearby and puts on a street show with moving origami moving on its own and playing banjo
its about hanzo vs the moon king
hattori hanzo?!
that cheap c-ck sucker from samurai shodown?!
i execute him in nobunaga's ambition eeach chance i get!!
so as hanzo is fighting da moon king(dom?) the bell rings and kid returns home and mom tells a story of hanzo in a blizzaRD
kid sez hanzo is his dad and moms memory fails as hanzo gets to da castle
is kubo supposted to be yagyu jyubei?
or is it just the eye patch making me think it?
oh and hanzo was iced and the moon king is moms dad and he and moms sisters took kubos eye
so are they yokai?
and kubo has to stay outta the night or the moon king can find em
so its like goku and going oozaru?
i hear there was soome whining about white people voicing japanese characters
thats pretty mental
its voice acting!!
no one whines when anime or video games is duubbed by blondes
so later kubo wakes up and the papper is floating around as his mom is dreaming
then its day and kubo talx to a geezer who sez after dark theybhave fireworks and talk to the dead with lights
so latewr kubo makes an origami lamp and talks to hanzo through it with no responce
wtf in argentina, indonesia and the phillipineas this was 13+
candy a55 countries!
so he astays out too late and gets mad at hanzo not answering and these twins come for him
they are his aunts and have magic and bust through the village as he runs
thy almoinst get him but his mom shows up annd sez he needs the armor
then uses magic to put a bug on his back and he flies off
they clashes with the twins and they go up in ice fire
he wakes up in a blizzard and this monkey sez everyone bit it and he needs to get on or he'd be caught
they take shelter in a dead whale and monkey sez shes his wood charm mom used magic to make alive to help him
the aunts dont sleep or eat and want his other eye
and kubo saved a hair from mom and mbnkey makes it into a necklace
later monkey wakes up koobo and his dreams made the paper inti a mini hanzo from b4
then its day and kubo uses his banjo to make origami birsts fly him
also the birds turn into mosquitoes and try to give the monkey zika but she catches em
then kubo gets caufht by a big beetle guy who just wanted the hanzo paper as real hanzo was his master
beetles samurai crest is the same as kubo's on the back on his robe and beetle sez he was cursed to bug form from being a samurai but has memory issues
its widescreen!!
kubo sez hanzo was his dad and beetleborg joins him but monkey dont like it
they find a sword they think is unbreakable but this giant skeleton, or Gashadokuro shows up and monkey breaks the sword on it
they fight it and its a 16 foot puppet weighing 400lbs they used to film this
its got lots of swords in its head ad kubo pulls 1 out and it crumbles
then they are outside and are at a lake they need to (ma)cross and monkey and bug argue if they should be safe or adventerous
kubo gets a boat i think is made of paper and bug teaches kubo to arrow and they catch fish for dinner and he tells of his life to em
threy get to da 2nd armor thing but kubo sez there was a monster in it and beetleborg goes in to find it
also da twins are on his trail and get to the bost at night
ape fight em askubo goes underwater and puts on da armor which reformatsto fit him
then this huge yokai thing is there
so twuin whhines about her sister turning on her clan for love (what is she? brittish/indian?!) and bug comrs in and heps b4 going back under
so the huge a55 yokai is stunning kubo with hypno vision so bertle pops its eyes with arrows
eye popping?! this moviie is bada55!!
but the live action double dragon had it too
so i think ape wastes 1 twin andbeetle brings kubo up but he seems dead
eat him back to life!!
but his powers kick in and the boat that was busted reforms and kubo revives
kubo recognizes monkey as his mom and later on land at a campfire, monkey tells her story
she and twins wrnt to ice hanzo as any man who found the magic armor wwould be too strong and couldthreaten the heavens
she fought hannzo but he said "you are my quest" and it won her over and she fell in love
i assume they b0ned as she pooped out kubo and moon king hatedthis so he took out haannzo and his forces who savd her and kubo
he wants to take kubos eyes so he'd be blind to humanity and be a cold sun of a b--ch like him and make him like him
monkeey teells beetle the magic keeping her here is running out like in wonder boy or adventure island and she don't got long
berrtle sez her storyu will live on as kubo and tthose he shars it with
later kuboh dreams of a blind guy playing banjo ad showing hi the last armor piece
so they go through these woods and talk about what happens in the next world and at night are in a building where hanzo prepared for his quest
then the remaining twin catches em in magic smoke and reveals beetle is secretly hanzo
shes gonna pop kuboz eye but kubo nails her face and busts her mask
twin fights and wounds monkey and bughanzo takes her oout with a thrown blade
they have a moment with monkey but twin isnt fully dead and shanks hanzobug
kubo uses his banjo (ginga?) to nuke the area with blue magic
later kubo is the last survivor and its day and he snaps his last string and flies off and back to the village and tells them to gtfo as moon king is comming
then blind guy comes there and its him and he sez hes doing it for his own good to get him out of the h-ll earth is so he can be immortal
kubo decides to ice grandpa and moon king turns into some kinda worm snake thing and they fight
maybe its a centipede fish
liek something from darius on sega
kubo gets busted up and thrown away and by the time moonie comes over he's rebuilt his banjo and plays it
kubo sez his eye lets him see into others eyes and thus soul and feel their cr-p and lets him love
his magic banjosummons the souls of the dead villager and the power of love or w/e sailor moon/hokuno no ken thing they are doing beats moon king
btw; best idea; video of kubo beating moon king with banjo. audio from we're not gonna take it!
moonking/dad; what are you gonna do with your life?!
kubo/teen; i wanna rock!!
blasts him out with a guitar riff
after the blast; moon king is mindwiped and the villagers tell him LIES about him being a good guy
later kubo sez thanks to his rents and wwants em back so his story woul be happy
then releases the lanters and their ghosts are with him
the end
oh and cool animation  for credits
that was good
not just dumb jokes and kicks in the butt
it had heart and style and feels
a good story that was kinda bada55 and srs
sorta like watership down or robotech
holy cr-p they show how that sskeleton was done
that was awesome
but this was good
this is how movies should be instead of thundercats roar and bakugan
i had a chance to see it but i think my fam saw the reboot of Ben Hur
It goes by at a good pace and never drags or feels long like titanic or the beast of 10 0000 fathoms
for kubo and the two strings 2 i want it to be years later and kubo is a teen and the sister of the moon king, the sun emperor wants revenge on kubo for taking him. so he has to defeat the sun. but the sun sends fire elemental yokai after him and he and grandpa, who has regained his powers, must team up to stop them amd kill the sun. its also a 16 bit hack and slash game on sega genesis, smes, gba, atari jaguar and tg16 with 1 player as kubo and one as grandpa and you eventually go into space and into the sun to beat the sun emprerer(i should have said empress).

Wednesday, March 4, 2020

Hugo Review

Note: My spelling is better than my knowledge of this movie
this is my review on Hugo from 2011, the year of the 1st Robotech War and such.
Its directed by Martin Scorscene asnd stars ben kingsly, jude law, christo[pher lee, and no one else i';m aware of
its based on a book or something called The Invention of Hugo Cabret by Brian Selznick
 so its soviet france in the 30s or something and theres little color as they dont have souls over there
this wiener kid lives in a place like robbie rotten from lazy town and oh its a clock, and watches a guy make some weird cr-p
he trys to steal it but the guy catches him and finds his pockets are full of mechanical cr-p and a paper book with designs in it and a flip book animation of a guy turning
da geezer takes his notebook as kid wont say who did the drawing scuz hes a little candya55 and this fruity frenchie cop chases him with his skinny black dog across the train station and crashes around
kid gets away and cop gets his leg brace from getting snipered by the kaiser's man caught in a train and dragged
kid goes back to his clock tower lair and works on this gear thing as he watches the alleged humans below
is he the hunchback of notre dame gx?
he looks out of the tower an it zooms out over the city like in the cro
then the title
huh, this won 05 oscars and is fullscreen on the family channel in soviet canada
oh and the guy who did borat is in this
so kid remeets geezerr and tells him his name, hugo and wants his notebook back
but geezer wants to burn it so he waits outside the guys place until thsi girl comes out and sez geezer isnt a theif,kid is
girl sez she'd keep geezer from burnijng his notem=book and and later kid is in a room with an artificual human (jinzo ningen) and thsi guy there sez it can write
him and this guy work on it to fixx it
i think this is a flash back
so kid is fixing the thing and hsi uncle shows up saying the guy bit it in a fire and takes him to live at the station and fix clocks
also the guy was his dad
guuess it was a flash back
everyones forggoten about thre hidden areas in the train station and they live there now and no more school
later kid jacks a french thiing and avoids ccop borat and asks geezer for his notebook back to fix something but geezer sez go away
kid rujns off but girl comforts him and takes him to the library
holy cr-p its christopher bee!!
girl sez geezer ddint burn his book and knows its important
also she helps him to have an adventure
gotta get those dragon balls!!
so kid bugs geezer again and geezer has him fix a toy mouse and geezer has him work off the cr-p he jacked from him to earn back his notebook
what is this? a DS Game??!!
then a montage of kid working on his jinzo ningen
then the borat cop catches this kid and sends him to the orphanage
but 1st puts him in a cage like the prez did in 2014 and treats him like sh-t like the prez did dissenters
they send the kid in a carraige and borat cop talks with a cop who's woman is pregnant and he hasn't b0ned her in the past year
today, on Maury!!
so kid chats wiith girrl about silebnt movies and shes never seen 1 as her geezer wont let her
what a nazi!!
why not just spoon out her eyes like in slumdog millionare?~!
so tthey sneak into a mocie and watch safetu last with harold lloyd
good choice, although i'm not sure they'd be playing that in 31
they get ejected as they didnt pay and girl sez her rents are in h-ll and her godparents adopted her
he tells her of the trip to the moon by george melies and he misses his rrents who are also in h-ll
holy cr-p! we're like an hour in!
that felt like nothing
he sez he lives in the clock place and they go to da clock place and avoid da borat cop
he calls eem over but girl sez she worx for geezer and hugo is her cousin
when dog barx at him she implies hugo is ret-rded
and they cover dog hating hugo by saying he smells her cat and she does poetry like tommy wiseau
does ali g here always play the bad guy?
btw, if the guy implied the girkl was ret-rded the feminists would go up the a55 over it
shhe wants to see  his home but he dittches  her and she alls and is wallked on by pushy new york frechies and he ssaves her
he notices her key on her neck and he takres her to his clock tower prison field spell and shows her his jinzo ningen
they use the key to high five the sky and it writes a few letters in wrird pattern
hugo spazzes out and goes mental but the karakuri thing goes more and ddraws the bulet hitting da moon in da eye from that 1900s geoege melays movie
then it signs it george melies and girl sez thats her geezrs name
they go to see geezer and they find his wife and show  him the picture
hugo sez his dad found the jinzo ningen and fixed it and wife wont tell em cuz they are too young and walks out
da kids examine a wood thing wife looked at and find a hidden thing in it and find a  box that when dropped, poops out lots of art from george melies movies
then george w melies comes in and busts em and gets p-ssed
he raises his hand and slaps the hugo dead in 1 blow
really he just cries and hugo goes home as george is ginna beat that girl for reopening his scars
later at the train palace he meets christopherl walken lee and lee hives him a robin hood book meant for his godson
also borat cop is into a woman as despite being french, he likes girls and trys to talk to her
after seeing some of borat and how he did with that 5kank from baywatch, its about even
after giving up and saying he was cripled in da war, she sez her bro got it and they gro closer
later at da library christoper lee shows them a book on da 1st  movies and we see em
ooh, d w griffith's intolerance!
and caligari
movies were better in the 20s
then they read of george melies and it sez he bit it in the war
then the author of da book is there and they say g m is alive but he dont buy it
writer shows  them his george melies museum with all this cr-p he had and they realise he was a magician and was happy back then
writer sez he met g m when his bro who worked for g m and saw his glass film studio and g m tells him this is where dreams are made
he made over 500 movies and they only have 1 that survived
give it a few decades
thewy'll find more
the kids wanna surprize g m and show his films
but hugo drops a wrench and broat cop things its uncle and drunk
soo gir and hugo strange talk about how da world is like a machine and tthey never have extra pparts and that means he and her are there for a reason
is this a pro life movie?
later hugo is standing on train trax to get a metal thing and da train is headed to him cuz hes a p-tz
da train goes off da  rails and out dda window but it was jest a dreem
i keep seeing adds on tv about people who lost relatives to playing on train tracks
every from months i hear something thats the dumbest thing i've heard a real human do
then a few months later something tops it
grizzly man is gonna be issac newton in a few decades
so hugo wakes up abd is mart amechanical guy
but thats another ddream
dream ception
so later borat gets a call dsaying uncle bit it
hugo and writer go to meet g m but hes not well but writer sez he loved g m s films and he thinks wie still looks hot like in da movies
he sez they have 1 filme left and they watch it
ys a trip to dda moon and they see her as da chick on da cresnt moon showin off her pits
after da movie they see g m behind eem and he tells his life story of being a wizard with his wife being his assistant
wasnt he married to another chick then and had a few kids?
he made the jinzo ningen and at a carvinal and saw da 1st movie
the movie cam inventers thought movies wouldnt go annywhere so he made his own cam and made his own films like tommy wiiseau did
adter da war, people were tired offantasy andhe burned his stuff and sold his movies to a company who melted em to make shoe heels
spoiler; in real life, george burned his own films as he was disgruntled
also he solm his jinzo ningen to a museum and gave up
or as the french say, surrendered!!
so hugo returns to the train thing and hears cop bruno saying they found uncle in thevriver after rotting for months
then how did they jnow it was him?!
bruno catches him and locks him in a cage
from bruno to barock
also bruno was  in the otphanage as a kid and is a nazi now
just wait a few years
he's gonna be salutin zee fuhruh!!
just like un bruno and borat
so hugo escapes with a lock pick and gets  in the hidden areas but bruno sends his dog
is tthis like the omen 1?
so hugo to avoid getting his parts bit off, escapes on the clocks hands  of the tower and hangs ffrom the minute hand
didnt think this through, didja?
hope that dog gets chewed up in the gears
so ali g goes back thinking kid got away and kid goes back in and comes down with the jinzo ningen but borat grabs him and the machine man falls on da trax
kid saves it but a train comes and borat pulls em up
kid has a heartfelt appeal and g m shows up and sez kid belongs to him
wtf did that mechanical chaser just shrink?!
i though it was human sized
later the writer sez they found over 80 of g m's fiolms and g m coems down and gives a speech abiut coming to dream with him like teddy ruxpin and we see his films
its really great and is better than most modern films and shows
later its a party and all the guys from da film are here, except the ones who bit it, and borat has a cyber leg
everyones happy and gets along
until the axis comes in a few yars
the end
that was splendid
i liked it
clean, fun, cool, charming, with heart and history
a classic look back at a simpler time after looking back at a simpler time
its like 3 hours with adds but don't feel like it and has good flow and feel
it never drags and is just a nice cool film
its worth seeing and the critics were right about it for once
too bad it f'd out at the box office
still a good movie
the transformers movie did bbad too and it was awesome
but this is a different kinda good
for hugo 2 i want it to be the 40s and george and hugo are hiding underground and making mechanical limbs for soldiers who got caught by zee axis and chopped up and make new steampunk weapons to fight em off. also its a ds and psp game where you play as hugo and figth in a bulletproof steampunc suit and go through several levels doing missions to fight zee axis. then in hugo 3 he's fighting the commies who took over and are worse.