Thursday, March 19, 2020

Trolls Review

Note; i spelll like a feature length toy add
this is my reiew on trolls from 2016, the year of the malcontent uprisings in rootech and the bad states
i never saw this b4 but heard some liked it
so it starts with narration in a kids book of happy trolls who were eaten by cr-ppy monsters jealous of their happy
so its communism? taking from those with good for the bad?
and now 1x a year they eat em
its directed by mike itcchell who also did deuce bigelow 1, urviiing christmas, and the 2nd lego movie
so the prince of the monsters gets to eat his 1st troll
but its a troll doll not a real troll and the trolls are gone
da kiing troll goes ack to save some and does it
it stars Anna Kendrick(the big utt blonde from paranorman), Justin Timberlake(from that gay boy band(which one?!)), Christopher Mintz-Plasse(who?), Zooey Deschanel(from that 00s movie i just reviwed), Christine Baranski from Foodfight!, Russell Brand(gayyy!), James Corden(gayyyyyyy), Jeffrey Tambor from some 90s shows, John Cleese froom monty python p0rn0es and Gwen Stefani.
so years later da priincess is grown up and they live happy in a hidden thing like da smurfs and sing 2010s songs and dance in music video style things
1 crotchety troll is malcontent over feariung the monsters coming ands singing makes sound that lures em in
so trolls are doing a party later(is this gonna be like the dance in halloween 1 how they mention it but never have it>) and crotch troll dont like fun or partys
latter they're having a 90s clubby party and it allerts the monster looking for em who fins em later and they scatter but most get caght and put in a fannypack
so king is too decroded to save emm and princess has to save em
imma just assume that this ends with the trolls helping the monsters figger out the real fun in in you the hole time and they find another way to be haoppy besides eating trolls
so princess goes to crotch troll and heis paranoid about the monster still being there and she needs his hhelp to save her homies but he dont wanna
he knows more of tose monsters than anyone somehow(isnt he her age? wouldnt he be a baby last time they faced em??) and he has a bunker with 10 years of supplies like a Y2K nut
she gets the other trolls in his bunker and they jack his supplies so to get em out he needs to help her
totally not like world of quest or inuyasha where a grouchy guy isa forced to work for some dink
so on their trip the princess sings a positive song as animals try to eat her
is this a vore movie??
so she gets caught in cobwebs and the cobs come for her but crotch elf saves her by hair whipping emm into a ceatures mouth and it eats em
so crotch elf comes up with a plan for saving the captured and they go off as he's sour and sges cheerful
i assume she's gonna give up and he's gionna cheer her up when needed
she sez  she trys to think positive even if things are f''d
at night they camop and she sings hello darkness my old friend as plants outta cuphead sing with her
hen its day and they meet a cloud guy who wants a high five from crotch a55. afteer more  a55 holery cerotchmouth chases cloud guy and he leads em through the maze that only 1 way is good and the rest go to h-ll
so they get to da monster town and everyone s-cked so as they do, it means theu didnt eat a trollz yet
monster prince is bummed thinking he wont be happy and the one who found da village comes in after being banished 20 years ago and now has trollz
wtf is that monster a chick?!
they are gonna bring back the ritual feast of eating trolls but banished monster wants to use tis to take over
what is she? T R Edswards from Robotech II The Sentinels?!
so prince sees theres not ennuff trolls for everyone and banished chich (called chef) wants him to eat a troll but he takes a whikle and she forcefeeds him
what kinda fetish is this?!
so the heroes go around da castle and see a monster singing a bummer a55 song, oh its the lionel rutchy song hello, about how shes gay for the prince
man these nonsters are kinda ugkly
no babes in movies any more!
gotta represent the ugmos
oh and da prince is now da king in the 20 years since
princess thinks the eated troll is still alive somehowand she helps the caught trolls escape
then prin trys to help her eated friend by dealing with the crushed on king monster girl
but crush monster has no confidence so she is gonna help her
crotch elf reveals he wont sing as he thinks singing iced his grandma as he was singing and didn't notice the monster coming for him
gramma got caught unstead and went to H E Double Callifornia (Aka Soviet England) and he swore off singing since
wow how totallly original
i mean its  not like that hillary duff movie or that ww2 film where montgomery clift was a boxer
or that movie (the 9th confgureation?) where this war vet swore off violence after being volent and had to be violent to save his patient being b0ned in the mouth by bikers
so crush monster has a rainbow wig flirts wih monster king and has princess in her wig telling her what to say
so they have a pizzadate and crotch elf tells her romantic things to say like cyrano and she sez some nice things on her own
he reveals he didn't eat da elf and is saving her an they have a good time
then go rollerdisco and chef comes byy and probably recognizes her a her slave
she runs off and leaves a rollersk8 behnd totallly not like cinderella and th hobgoblins in her hair (they all were there) are happy
ccrush monster wants the gnon=mes to keep helping her but she shouldn't have to be someone shees not to be happy(is this a gender issues thing?)
she goes b--chy an whiny and thinks only ating trolls makes yu happy and da trolls fight the kings pet gater dog
and save thei captured not eaten homie
but hes not in da locket and after getting away the chef catches em
she has the caught troll and hes selling them out to save himself by gives them the locatiion of da village
oh and princess is gay for him
oh and hes got a brittish accent for some reason
didnt they all grow up together?
is this like cockney jack atlas in yugioh 5ds?
so chef and traiter raid the viillage and laterthe troll feast is gonna happen
so princess gets bummed out at everything going f'd and gives up
all theese kids moviees are the same!!
one way out!!
commits seppuku!!
at least its better to be with the good movies... N H-LL!!
wait, california dont do good anymore!!
so crotcha55 sis a song for the 1st time in years and its true colors by cindi lauper who's a bit disgruntled with some media things latley, and she cheers up
lightb our darkest hpur!!
so crush orc saves em by taking em outside and sez thanks for helping her be happy
but at the dinner chef gets king to think crush elf woont show and princess goes back to help crush imp so she woontt be ruined
she gets there in a rollerskate and land on her head as its disco vered teres no trolla and put da wig on her, revealing shes his gf
chef orders da guards to spear her fat a55 but trolls say ing never had a troll and was happy on her dae
chef trys to forcefeed prince a living troll (freekin fetish!!) and prin prin sez happy is already in us and dont need to be eaten BEATINGU
then da monkeys sing some 2010s song and everyone dances and they waste chef with lemon in her eyes and setting her on fire as she falls out da castle(totally not like dr x)
so da trollz go home, crotcha55 marrys princess i think and princess gos queen
then credits to disco
the end
that wasn't bad
its colorfu, livley, upbeat, not too annoying, decent music, based on a toy from the 80s
yeah its kinda the same as all other movies like it but it wasn't horrible
its a decent kids movie
unless ur in soviet malaysia and its 13+
then again they banned ep 1 of fangbone!
can they handle sesame street?
snuffeluffogus might scare the candy a55es
oh and in a midcred scene, chef and traitor get eaten by a big a55 thing
but i didnnt hate it and its message was sort of like The Blue Bird from 1918
Its pretty good.
Maybe now we can get that Stone Protectors movie
The genesis game of that was good
Trolls meets Street Sharks
for Trolls 2 I want it to be the future and the Trolls have higher tech and look like mad max guys. The monsters from the 1st film have gione back to eating em as its easier to eat a roll than try to be happy as yourself and an elite band of Trolls with musical instrument weapons fights em and raiids camps to save the imprsoned. Also its a 16 bit run n gun game like Contra or Earthworm Jim on Sega Genesis, SNES, GBA, TG16 and Atari Jaguar where you play asmembers of a crack tam and go through levvels to free the trolls. Wait, Make it more like the GB Ninja Turtles games. Those were good.

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