Thursday, June 30, 2022

Space Battleship Yamato Review

 note; i spell like i blaze stars

Space Battleship Yamato

This is my reviews on Spacve Battleship Ysamato the live action movie ftromn the distant  future year of 2010 (Like Robotech and Transformers G1 Season 3 in Japan)

Itds based on the anime by Leiji Matsumoto (Like Rangoku Maysumoto fro Bleach?) and is directal by Takashi Yamazaki who did Stand by Me Doraemon 1 and 2 and 2 Parasyte movirs and Dragon Quest: Your Story and Lupin III: The First

It stars no one i nheard of and was dubbed by the hated funimation

i never saw this, or the shows, or star blazers, but heard its like robotech

so it starts with space fighters in a battle like if star wars were good and fighting an ewvemy

its 2199and the human ship fires canons that don't do much, then fire is returned that f''d the human ship[

the ship gets a hole and a guy is sucked out and the main captain gets a message fromn a fellow ship that the ship is gonna sdacrifiice itself to buy time for the main aship to escape

they go onn into ther boundless abyss of space and we get the title

in 2194; aliens attacked by sending mwetewors to earth and 5 years later; da urth is f'd by radiation like it japan after truman nuked em in ww2

now 5 years later the earth humans live undrerground like the matrix ripped off and people scavenge scrap as threy hope for space help like in Robotech Seasoin 3

a geezewr tries to get help from a scrapper but is slugged out

the seas have dried up from the nucular attacks like hokuto no ken and 1 guy is ouit in a radiio active suit and a thing falls from space like the sdf-1 in robotech ir the ark in transformers

wghen he wakes up, his  mask is oif but he finds he dont need it and finds this metal thing b4 blacking out

hes found by a flying ship and they get the metal capsule that has some data oon it

scrapper comes onto the bridge of the ship and the experts who thought he'd bite it were wrong and he's mad at some guy for hisa brother biting it as bro was the captain of another ship

scrapper is susumu like the go nagai character who keeps getting it

oh his bro was the other captain ewho sacrificed himself to save em and tries to attack the captain b4 a chick slugs him out and mouths off to him

susumu is dragged off to be b0ned dead or w/e and dr sado (like, madio mas? like, sm? like, cutey honey and yugioh?) sez she told susumu opwe his bro went to h e douyble soviet california

captain and dr dont know how susumu survived the radiatioon as dr's are people weho make misttakes like anyone

captain meets a guy about howe his attack agauinst the aliens did jack sh-t and their fights are doing worse each time

btw the "swending metertors" wasd used in starshp troopers

so the other guy sez they otta ditch da urth and captain wants to use the new ship they're making to try to bring hope


so the other guy rreveals to the people that the capsule had an alien message saying on ther planet iscandar is a device that cures radiation and they can go there with theiur best ship to get it

the news guys think it might be sa trap, wait, isnt this 2001 a space odyssey?

so he sez he cant tyell em as its confidenbtial and the aliens sent a  way to get to there as in around a 1  year, humans will be extinct

oh and he's not wasting time on a vote as he's mussolini(in a good way)

also this was ripped off by armegeddon by michael bay with a space crew senbd on a last ditch mission to save the planet

so susummu registers and has o radiatiuon issuies and dr sado mas  is surprised

he used to be in the fighter squad but quit biut kept his uniformne anbd joins

chick fighter who slugged hium is suurprised to see her there and an attack happens and he sez hes her squad leadwer

also; this "clashing couple in the service" was laTER done in robotech and top gun

so the ship takes off from the underground as the yamato ship from ww2 bnut remastered, lkike the sdf1 in robotech

then thery tryt the wave motion gun on an enemy attck like the sdf-1 firing the main gun on the zentraedi in robotech

after a long start up, thry eventuaslly fire after putting on shsasdesand blast a white light beam to nuke the missile

it looks like theres no sign of the ship, butr it emerges from the smoke like in dbz and captain sez now the enemy knows they have the wafe motion cannon

captain sez bye to the army guy and goes off to space to test the warp drive in a 24 hours

later susumo talks with a guy about how guys son is 5 and susumo's homies got assigned to his thing and they like him as their cool hero

but chick fighter gets b--chy over them having a good time and the homies poike fun at her

fighter chick gets b--chy over him not being with em in space as they fought and thinks he queered out

1 homie comes at her but she slugs him out and goes off

so then they go by msars like in robotech, ytransformers ther headmasters,m and zone of the enders, and are gonna use the warp drivwe for the 1st time

chick  goes to a fighter bay and the ship goes through a white blue cloud

thery comne out in h=ll ands there's daemonbs b0ning them and doing amputee p0rn0 of em

jk thats event horizon

so the warp worked and then the enemy shows upo and they can't use the wave motion cannon after warping as both use the same power source

threy got 20 mins b4 they recharge and tthis reminds me of Voogies Angel how Hyer had the super cannmon that they couldn't use in ep 2

so they sebnd out fighters and chicjk fighter goes out asa she was in her veritech already and fights enremy crafts

we get good space battle stylew things like robotech or if star wars were good and susumu's droogs are the black tigers, like the robotech squad, and help her

tghe yamato fires lazers andit nukes trhe enemy ships, rthen its 5 mins til they can warp

but i think fighter chick is shup damaged by enmermy debris  and shes running outta air

susumu is gonna go to save her but captain sez no, so he sez "i'll be back in time" even though they dont have any reason to rush aND CAN HOLD OFF A FEW MINS FOR saving another crewmember

so susumu chiba  tells her to eject and the enermy ships are going kamikaze as the mother ship blew and they got nothiing to go back to

anmd now a squad is comming of 2 dozen, and there's 28 seconds til they waRP

IN A TOTALLY POSSIBLE WAY, fighter chicvk ejects, ands on the susumu fighter, is caught by these 2 metal armns, anbd he drives back

so the ship ia  gonna move fast and evetyone tiesa sh-t down and hangs on and they tiilt the ship as the fighters just go by, then opens a hatch, lets in susumu, then warps out

da f--ks going on here?!

Oh and in 198X: soviet disney wanted to do a live action version of this with it being a rebuilt US Ship Arizoina and having an original character group

surprised they didn't just rip it off and say its an "original project, do not steal" like The Lion King did Kimba The White Lion, Atlantis the loist empire did Nadia TheSercret of ZBlue Water, and Finding Nemo ripped off that fish thing

so the ship did a spasce fold and susuymu does cpr on fighter chick, oh her names Yuki, and turns her heart back on

captain f's his a55 over risking the ship for 1 pilot but susumu sez leaving others behind is sissy AND HAS HIM THROWBN INTO THE BRIG

HE PULLS OUT HIS GUN AND, hands itr over as its protocal to disarm those you want to imprison for geingh against you

im,agine if he put it in his mouth and his head blew off like in speciies 2?

so hes in space jail and a guy chats with him over him getting in trouble for doing good, and fat guy sez susumu is like captain and may be captain one day

so dr sadomas comes in with sake and a cat but they are not chinese so they dont eat it, like how poles don't eat dandilions, slovenians do

huh, accortding to imdb; this was like the 1st anime not based on a manga and started the term Anime instead of tv manga

also things in here like a soldier blaming another captain for his bro biting it was from a thing told to Leiji Matsumoto's by his WW2 dad

put it on the history channel

so while driinking and talking about how they all lost people for a bit, susumu thinks things over

captain sez they are going past the solar system and they will be too far to contact earth,m so the crew can message earth one more time for 60 seconds per member

the guy wiuth the 5 year old son talks to him on skype and his kid is mute like Lynn/Rin in Hoikuto no ken, but he sez he'scoming home soon to save the earth

then the call automaticallly cuts him off, as does a guy talking to his mom or sister or grand,mma or aunt or daughter or w//e

susumu  is doing curnches to stay in shape in his cell, wait,m how is there gravbity here? is it automatic?

hes taken to do his video calll like in pokemon or metropolis and while going, sees Koda who wait, susumu is  koda FAMILYY NAMWE and this guyb is cr-ppy at doing their salute thats like the bison thing in the street fighter movie with jean claude

b4 he goes in, yuki comes out and is kinda b--chy for hm saving her "i didn't ask to be saved" 

he sez she owes him and  sez sdhe otta bust his b=lls a little less, like 10%

then he goes in and in the food area, yuki is talked to about susumnu and its revealed that she was on susumu's tewam but he quit seoon after she joined and was reassigned soon after

she joined cuz his heroics affected her and she don't want suusumu to know

the guy talking to yuuki sez when the enemy 1st attacked, he did missions to intercept their attacks and susuumu was their hero who lead them

susumu's only family left is his cellphone with aI and is played by the voivce of Jinlong in Yugioh ZeXaL, Buccha in Venus 5, Nagumos dad in Urotsukidoioji, Ataru's dad in Urusei Yatsura, Blacky in Grendizer, Ranma's dad in Ranma 1/2, Apollis in Power Stone, Newspaper President in Nadia The Secret of Blue Water, king Dedede in kirvby the anime, Dr. Aikawa in Kama Sutra by Go Nagai, Myoga in Unuyasha, Dr. Vail in GUY Double Target, Ankoku Daishogun in Great Mazinger, General Bat in Getter Robo, Professor Hiroshi Agasa in Detective Conan, Kyomara  in La Blue Girl, and Principal in Apocalypse Zero

the guy shes talking to, who' i think is tthe dad of the mute kid, sez susumu's rentrs were iced in a thing hitting the colony they were on, but dad's pregnant wife survived but his kid never talked

after that, susumu couldn't stand to fly and we see susumu's time in the message box expire but i don't think he sent a message

also in the ioroginal idea; susumu or someone would lATER BEcome captaiin harlock, bjt after the show was cut from 51 to 26 eps, they changed it

so the Yamato goes onward and warp foldds around but a fighter coomes by, but dont attack

capptaiun has the people bring the enemy fighter onboartd and spazzes out so he goes to the dr

he's not got long and his meds wont keep him up forever

in the ship, they check the captured ship and dont find any life signs, but then this chgi thing like in monsterquest comes out, shankes a guy with a limb and runs on the ceuiling as the troops open fire

note; they brought guns on a mission to to to a place an unknown space message told em to, unlike 2001 a space odyssey

so they caP IT WHEN IT comes down, and this glow comes outt it and nails a guy aND HGE SPAZZERS OUT B4 BECOMING POSESSED


totally not like inddependence day, the guy tells the humans that THEY hsave come to plunder the planet

he sez his name is desla, not tesla like that evil serb from the 1800s, and he sez they are all of 1 mind and are the start and end

his kind are terraforming the planet for their own people to take over and whenyuki comes in, susumu wASATES desra

the jewel comes up and the team wastes it and later posessed guy is ok

Why noty pray it away?

they drink and i think this is jiros daD

what aboutr jiro shutendo from shutendoji?

so susumu comes to see captain and he weants susumu to replace him as captain, but wanted his brother mamoru to be captain

like with avatar and that guy who's called in to replace tyhe twin

susumu dont wanna be caPTAin as its too muych pressure but captain sez to be cvaptain like he wantws instead of like the msain captain

then announces on the p a that susumu is the new captain

so the alien ship they took on is sernding a message that has their location so they throw it out and blow it

the yamato is under attack and briodge 3 is f'd but dont have much air left

the el;evatopr shaft is f;'d and susumu sends a resacue squad

o susumu starts up the wave motion cannon whicch dont take as long to show this time and they fire itwhich causes a huge blast rthat nukes the enemy fleet

then bridge 3 is caught by an enemy about to blow asnd its gonnass take the whole shjip to h-ll

so susumu has yuki blow off bridge 3 at the joint and it falls, even though theres no down in space, and blows

susumu feels bad about having to cut off a fingerr to save the hand, but i say, why was bridge 3 attached in that cr-ppy wayt?! 1 elevatort in or out and hanging off the bottom?!

susumu tells captain it was a steath enemy and they lost 6 guys so he thinks hes not good as captauinb

main captain sez "why'd you reinlist" andsusumu sez he wanted to know what kinda guy main cPTAION is that his btro saceriuficed himserlf to dsave

also he weants the eart to be good like he was a kid

maKE earth great again?

captain sez not to dwell in the past and usde what hes given to make the best choice he can for the most

susumu thinks captaiun donm't feel for the menb who get it but captain sez he does and thinks siuusumu is doing well

then captain sez theres something susumu needs to know, then it cuts to susuumu going toi comfort yuki and saying sortry for ordering her to cut the 3 section loose

she sez if he sez sorry that means hes wrong and hes the captain and they did what they had to do

she's all f;d up over having ended those guys and susumu comforts her and when she sez "soirry for not being professionalk" he smooches her and sez "don't ever be sorry"

they smooch and warp and itr changes scenes so i think they b00ned

so then they made it to iscandar or w.e the planet is called and 60 missiles are heading foir em

they can't use the main gun as they just folded so thety use lazers but a piece plugs the wave motion gun right in the hole

the enemy fleet attacks andd more missiles attack  so they're f;d

so he puts in random coordinates anbd warps agaiunst the resistance of the driuver

driver sez if theywarped intoi something with matter they'd be dead but susucmu sez they'd be just as dead if the missiles hit

they warp aND THEY THINK ITS  NEAR ISCANDAR but its rea.lly the other side andthe planet is all f'd over like earth

they think its the enemy using a trap to lure yamatop off and the anti radiation devoice might be made up

some think the captainb lied and weanna askk cvaptain but he's not doing well, but susumu sez to go to the coiordinates the capsuile sent em

its probably not a trap if they attacked from space and the real trap was on the planet, and they dont want em on the plane

unless the coordinates were just to lure em in to be attacked in space

suisumu believes in the captain and that the tech was greayter tech than anythng man knows

he then briefs the team on the mission and hes going in yo take out the air defence system

totally not like with star wars and the force fiekkd or tractor beam

so he can't use his engine on the planet or they will see him so he gon do it in freefall;

i see suisumu as a bit of a  roy fokker figure; confident, in love, brave, cool, and skilled

so susumu gives a speech on this being the lasy battle and in april 1945; the yamato was Japans ray of hope when they needed it

anbd as long as there's a small chance, its worth it, like with Kenshiro saying: if theres a 99% chance i lose and 1% cjhance I won, i will do it

also this "we will dsave the world ands our people" was ripped off by independence day as roland emmerich is pretty devcolved

the soldiers pump themselves up to waste bad guys but are told its a 1 way ttrip for many, so they say "thats why its so fun"

like g i joe extreme; the odds of survival are a million to 1!  AND THATS THE WAY WE LIKE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

susumu puts his tamagotchi phone pet in his fighter and star wars ripped this off with r2d2 in the xxxwing

so susumu launchesand goes to the planet that looks like dune, then after fallingh a bit, turns on the engine after locking on all the turrets and cannons

they are gonna fire but the yamato comes iin and nails em with lazers, then wartps off as the fighters go in the planbnet

1 guy sez hes gonna break susumus record and is taken out like not ben dixon in macross do you remember love

they fight inside the planet like the 1st ep of reboot with the jets thing and by the end, theres 3 fighters and 1 troop carrier left

thery find a high tech city indide the planetand the troop carrier lands anbd the soldiers fire at the enemy comming for em

an enemy takes out the drtivers so his phone robo comes ouytin a humanoid robo body like oatmerel in dragon ball super  and fights ewm off, but is taken out

i figured hge's get it like in most shows with a robot buddy

so the troops drive the truck and it gets blown and the troops go on

btw this is colored and widescreen

so the troops find the place the cooirdinates say and yuki goes to it, gets her armor blown off, and is posessed by it

so then we getta fleshbeck where captain tells susumu the anti radiation thing is fake but the blueprints and cooirdinsates is true

but as susumu survived the radiation, captain thought there might be something wirth getting there that could help

as long as hes aliver heres on the winning side

so in the now, posessed yuki sez their race is all of 1 hive mind like the democrats, and their kinfd is 1 aspect of trhis united existance

but the opposite is iscandar which was part of the bads guys like the opposite side of the coin, but the planet is gonna bite it and iscandart is  cool with it, but thebad guys aint and wanna take earth to replace it

like gaijin ruining their own country or statre, then coming to a good one, then ruining that

but both siddes might survive, so the bad guys imprisioned the iscandar here and broke away

the iscandar send part of themselfs to earth as a good will token, but theres no anti radio active device, but the iscandar can remove the radiation

the earth men wabnnt proof so the iscandar denucuilarize the air so its safe to breathe in the cave

yuki is unposessed and the iscandar wiull cime to the earyh to fix it

then they find this huge cgi thing thats the cenrtal core of the bad guys, but the bads attack em

2 guys are gonna sacrifice themselves to stop the core despite susumu not wanting em to

1 sez if he had a brother he;'d want it to be susumu and not to waste hisd tears on them, then goes up to fight and die

uiki and susiumu go off as the White Vitrgin couplew has to live and thery fdind all theior men iced

the brother guy rigs a device to blow it and the other guy fightrs on despite his blood wounds like a Catholic Samurai

after takjing a long time to rig the device, its ready to go, but the triugger happy guy bites it and other guy gets shredded but blws the area

susumu and uiki escape in a fighter and susumu tells captain they did it but captain sez its not over yet

captain says bye to the dr sadoi mas and looks at a photoe and the ship unfolds back near da urth

they getta message from the army guy and tells em they havve a way to fix the earth and hes surpriosed and sez they're heroers

in a few hours, the Yamato will reach da urth and captain bites it

but then the ship is under atttack by a large enemy vesseland fts f'd

after much asplosions and people flying away, the engine room is f;d and cheif engeneer tokugawa bites it

they see a siuper coollossal space thing with a face, sorta like in independence day 2 or Dolzas fortress in Robotech

an enemy forms on the ship with cg like eternal championsd on sega cd and asks what would be a win for em? ending the bad guys planet? or healing their own?

its desla, no, its not no its both AS ITS part of the thing that sirvived and it forms intoa cg guy

most of their kind were ended on the planet the guy nuked the thing with trigger happy and now desla is gonna stop em from coming to earth

then phazes out after saying they have ancient prioide andare wrathful

the huge ship is gonna blow da earth apart and susumu wants to use the weave motion guin but the cannon is still jaMMED AS THEY UST NEVER TOOK IT OFF FOR SOME REASON and if they fire, everyone on board goes to h e double emngland

susumu wants to have capotain decide but hes doing time in h-ll now so susumu has to makje the decision

they have enough power for 1 shot but if they do the ship will blow so he is gonna evacusate and sacrifice himself to save eartyh like bruce willis in armegeddon

the helmsman wants to stay to steady the ship but susumu sez to drie the people to earth

uiki stays but susumu sez hgges gonna be rigt behind her if shge goes but she dont buy it anbd dont wanna save the earth if hers not there

they hug and he sez he was alone b4 her and he wanted to give her a better world and if he don't win, ewvberything isd meaningless, but here he can heal the earyhj

she dont want him to bite it anbd he sez he lovbes her, then kko's her with a laser blast and puts a photo on her asa they still use photoes in the 2190s

then has helmsmsan shima carry her off as japsanese chicks are like 4'9 and 70lbs

all the survivors, 12 of em, ditch the Yamato, and looks on at em from the window as they go by

uiki wakes up and freaks out as  the yamatoi goes toward the enemy thing and taks many hits, like sengoku wuth the computer in cyber city oedo 808

suisumu seers his friends whoi bit it in spirit like in robotech ii the serntinels with the dead guys from the 1st robotech war and eventually fires and the4res a huge blue light in space

then 90s music like in slayers where we seeyuki on green earth with a kid and the phopto of susumu and his bro and looking anbd the recovering planet like in robotech after the war

then clips from the fim we just saw showing the characters highlights

huh, theres a steven tyler song in here

at the end is a shot of the blue earth

the end

that was quite good

i never saw the show but watched the Toy Galaxcy thing on it and this was well done

Good art and style and feel and characters and story and effects

the storery was good and i can see all the things it influenced and that ripped it off

the dub was pretty good with the voices and not cr-=ppy like they did for dbz kai or most other things they ruined

its has good heart and good style and makes me interested in the 70s series

i enjoyed this and it holds up

Oh and susumu sacr8ficing himself to stop the en emy and his gf seeing it was like in robotech wiithjj Dana and Sonic X Season 3\

For Space Battleship Yamato 2 I wanta signal to be from Susumu to reach earth and say he's trapped in this dimension after being sent thewre by the wave motion cannon and sends the earth bnlueprints on how to open the dimnension gATE, but a number of people warn that trhis might be a trap, the gov don't listen as they treust susumu as he's a celeb hero and they open the gate, only for mostique people to come out and beguin feeding on the earthlings! turns out: the moastiuquew daemons faked being susumu and used his namne to get thew earth people to trust themn and were freed from their inprisonment, soon the earth is taken over by them and humans hide back underground. then fore Space Battleship Yamato 3: I wanmmt the humans to make wave motion armor with mini wave motion generators in the suits to fight against the mosatique people and splatter em in epic combat. its also video games 16 bit on sega genesis, snes, tg16, atari jaguar and gba where 2 is a text adventure like phantasy star adventure where you talk with people for and against opening the gate, and 3 is a 1 on 1 fighter where you play as a huyman fighteror mostiqie man and take on a buncha foes to get to the head of the enemy force

Tuesday, June 21, 2022

The Indian Fighter Review

 note; i spoell el indiano

The Indian Fighter

This is my review on The Indian Fighter froimn the distant furture year (to the Confederates) of 1955 (50 years before Transfoirmers The Movie took place)

Its dierdsctal by Andre DeToth who did the 50s House Of Wax

It staras Kirk Douglas from spartacus (Jewuish Cowboy?), Walter Matthau from The Taking of Pelham One Two Three/The Bad News Bears/Dennis the Menace, Walter Abel from the 30s The Three Musketeers, Lon Chaney GX from Mice and Men/The Wolf Man/My Favorite Brunette/Manfish, Eduard Franz from thee 49 Madame Bovary/The Thing from Another World/The Ten Commandments, Alan Hale GX from The Big Trees/Hang 'Em High/Gilligan's Island/the 60s Batman/ALF, Elisha Cook GX from The Maltese Falcon/Sergeant York/One-Eyed Jacks/House on Haunted Hill\Shane\Blacula\ the GOOD Star Trek\Alf, Ray Teal from Sergeant York\The North Star\Captain Kidd,The Best Years of Our Lives, My Favorite Brunette, Samson and Delilah, Chisum, Judgment at Nuremberg, One-Eyed Jacks, The Snake Pit, Frank Cady from The Great Rupert, 7 faces of dr lao, William Phipps from Cinderella, The Red Badge of Courage, the 50s The War of the Worlds, Julius Caesar, The Snow Creature and the 80s Dune, Harry Landers from The Ten Commandments and Thr Black Whip, Hank Worden from Sraghecoach, Angel and ther Badman, rED rIVER, tHE sEARTCXHERS, tHE aLAMO, Mclintoiick, Chisum, Big Jake, Beyond Tomorrow, Bullwhip, One-Eyed Jacks and The Music Man, Lane Chandler from the 30-s MN IN THE iron mask, and some 30s guys i never saw in anything

i never saw this b4 but its on the grit channel and i wanna review something

So after credits and cienmascope widescreen, hay, ben hecht did this,  we get color and muyisc by franz waxman

th names are in handwriting as they have no souls

so its weidescren but fixes it as this chick starts taking off her clothss  and we see her braless bvack

kirk comes by on his horse and an arrow nearly hits him and the indian who firwed it sez next time hed ice him

kirby is friends with the indians bro but indian dont want him therehis name is grey wolf and he has a bro? isnt that Monster Rancher?

so tyhe kirk sucker goes by and the naked chickk hides and kirk goesd to the indian village and brosez he thought kirk was dead and hopped that all the Whites would kill each other in the civil war

if i said that about rwandans, it would be "offensive"

or the cartels in drug wars

or inidans in india

or asians in ww2 or korea or nam or laos

so bro is the leader and dont want people on his land to hunt for Gold and will exdcute people for going on his land

the kirk soccer wants to take the White men cack to face White justice and is gonna leave but stays for a meal as he sees naked chick but shes wearing clothes

bro shows kirk the gold but wont tell where he got it as it wont bring back the buffalo or fix the envioronment

actually, you could pay people to breed buffalo and raise em and clwan the area

money can be exchanged for goods and services

so later the non naked chick is at the eater and kirk takes off his shirt and goes to the water and follows her

easy there weinstein!

so he sez he saw her mom clean her when she was a kid(woody allen no!) and he makes out with her woc with out consent!

she gets away but ron jeremy douglas follows and grey wolf sees him and goes after him

non naked hick goes to her tent but kerk stays outside with a knife  like a creeper

this is turning into bad svu

therers GOOD svu?!

i like the grain and film style in this, it looks like an 80s direct to video mobvie liek AXE

later these indians wrere trading gold for whisky but said no kore and one of the guys hunting gold shot him when he attacked

the indians go on em and kirk finds the busted whiuskey jar

they catch 1 ghuy, walkter maghharow and grill him saying they were just hunting and the indians attacked him

kirk wants matthao for a witness but kirk has to fight to win him back

what is this?! yugioh?!

synchro summon; hot red nova dragon archfriend!

so kirk coccor i mean soccer gets on a horse battle with spears weith an indasin, then uses getter tomahawks

theres some ninja monves of horse jumpingh or crawling aon em and kirkj restrains the foe and dont finish huim

card gamers on morotclyes? morte like sowrd games on horses!

kirk wins and leaves witrh the msattao and bro sez he's gonna be at the fort tomorrow to see White Mans Justice

so later the kirk is going arcoss the dforrest and talking about how kirk slugged mathow

then they hear a sound in the woods, then look andf a 9 foot sasquatcjh coems out, grabs mathaos head, and cruches it in a spray of blood and bone and brains

jk really maothoa sez he and his partner was gettign gold from the indians but it tgrickles down and his partner shot the guy

so kirke goes back to the American AREA AND in the fort, whih is probably gonna be attacked, and the guys diont like yankees and indians

but are ok with kirk after hearing he killed indians and the people worry about the dangers of indians

to be fair, in canada, many native people are murdered, and its usually by other natiues

also for thousands of years, the indians killed each other on North and South America until The White Man came and for a few hundrted years, killed some

so later kirk goes to the head guys and the head says the indians scalped a guy,m so kirk brings in matyhao and sez he is the man they siad was salmcped

kirk sez its settlers who trade whiskey for gold and its not the indians who are the big deal

they lock up mazthao and when kirk sez mathao had a partner they almsot lock him up, i think, i wasnty looking

outside a kid sez kirk iced more indians than davey crocket(does sasquatch count?) and is into killing indians and being a stereotypical wuild west kid

kid dont got a dad but has a grandpa and mom (is he in=bred? and mom sez her husband hgot iced in something

shew invites him to dinner and she's played by kirk douglaesses wife at the time

so later the indians come on horees(not like that!) and enter the White Base(not like that!)in the jail, mathao is n there with his partner who was in a bar and kirk caught in a scene i for got to mention and the ary guys take a p[hoto of the bro and commander and kirk

then its clearly dasy but tinyted to be darker and they are dancing

alan hale gt is tallking with a chick and a photographer shows photoes of the thing he took

and now its day again as they forgot to tint it as much

kirk dancer with mrs douglas and later its openly day again and mathao and his homie are sent free as they clasimed self defence, but if they return, it'll be sending em to bro

so the horses and wagons go on and photographer takes a shot of the scenary and tells of a time how he told mr brady in the 1st civl war how he wanted to photograph thew wehole west to get people to come and civilize it

kirk dont want it settled as its like a woman and he donty want it changed and dont wanna share it or civilize it

but lets photographer do it as if he dont otherts will

if i dont buirn down the buiklding, someone else will;, so its ok!

thats ur logic kirk sucker

at the night and not just tinted day, the people eat and sing songs

1 kid wants to know about kirks knife if he did indians with it and mom sends him to bed

mom worreis of the su but kirk sez tyhey are nio more dangerous than other folks

mom wants to have kirk settle down and start a farm, but kirk sez no ass he's not a farmer and she sez he can hunt and trap

he sez he'd not be a good husnand as in real wife, kirk douglass b0ned a lot of chick sbesides his wife

thats how aids spreads

angus hale offers to be a good apple grower to mom and the  next day time the convoy goes on and mathao thtrrows a rattlesnake at krik

but kirk blows its head off as hes just that bada55 like kenshiro or steven segal

so the convoy goes on and through the river and above em are some indias on horses a55es

the convoy goes through the hills and is in su terrritory and go uphill so they go down later

so kirk notices that guys are following him so he walks around with hard to follow editing, then sneaks offwhen they think hes in a cart

the kurk goes off into thew woods and sees ex naked chick and he tries to giuve her back her knife

he thows it in the tree and makes out with her w o c when she grabs it

she runs and he grabs her in the river and they make otu as i guess he had secks ppotion on his lips and they make otu in the water

at the camp, the gold hunters wanna find kirk tomorrow as "hes not digging gold at night(why!?)

anitsu hale wants to use buffalo fetilizer and kid dont know what that is

some indians come by and trade goods and tiems and food and its like a yugioh torunament

photographer take sa shot and the bang of the thing scares em

mathao and his droog lure in an indian to have whiskey by smacking his lips louid and holding a drinking thing

kirk tries to leave but non named chicim tierd a rope to his foot and he falls

i guess they b0ned and she whines about how hes White and she's indian(Unlike her actress) and hes moving on but her tells her he's gonna be back and has a job to do as he took the conboy tyhrough the area to see her(and b00ne)

gray wolf i think comes by and mathao got the indian drunk to learn where the gold is, even though if he's drunk he will have a harder time telling em

indian tell em but gray wolf is standign there and goes to shank the indian for brewaking the vow of tribe, so mathao and freind restrain him

gray woilf make a sound and it alearts the others and they ice him and all h-ll breaks loose like thaty guy said in the end dub of turning mecard

later kurck gets back and sees gray woldfd iced and in h e double soviet california and the camp f'd

he follows where the convoy went on and the indians in the area have their rituals for when someone gets it

so the convoygoes through a river and kirk goes by rapids and eventually an indian spipers his hoirse like hes j fk and when he coemes to ckin his head, kirk counters after faking beign dead and shanks him

kirk takes out another indian on a horse with a knife to the back in a throw and jacks his horse

he carjacked him! he's a homie!

then the fort sees the convoy returning and they get in the gates of troy before the horse is let through

later kirk comes back and they think he sold em out to an indian trap an a swarm of gys go all over him to hold him down

but an army guy firresd a shot and sez he sent for reinforcements and as commander, he decides what happens

commander asks wtf happened and kirk sez mathao and his droog iced gray wolf but commander sez they got iced

also kirk admits he left his post to b0ne an indian chick

these soldiers come in on horses but are already dead and kept up buy being tied on like el cid

imagine if the soldiers pulsated and blew apart in a spray of guts and bone shrapnel as it was a trap?

so the indians send horsdes carrying logs that drag up the dust around the area like withd w griffith in the birth of a nation using smnoke to make  the battlefield seem bigger

later the indians come by in the dust and throw fire spears in the fort and use fire arrows and fling flaming cr-p over the walls

in the battler camera man drops his camera over the wall and kirk fires at the indians which makes the men joke about himicinginhis droogs

the indians use a cart full of fire (chariot of fire?) and it hits the fort and ingihgts it

the men throw water, shich is limited when dirt is reusable and just as good, and men go out on horses to fight and tiop the burn

if this were in the 80s they;''d be on motorcycles

or in the 2020s they'd be on hovercycles

so the kirksmen stop the next fire cart (in thje burnign cart, just about to burst) and kirk gts the camera

later kirk wants to go out to try to get the indians to stop by sending out the men who iced bros bro grey fox as tomotrow when the sun in behind em, the indians will attack and end em

kirk is denied and is trold to return to his poast

he goes and talks with mom and kid and kid cheerfully says "they say we'll all be dead tomorrow!"

mom smooches kirk with consent even thoguh hes had so many other chicks and she porbably has oral aids

kirk jumps the fense and runs but the men fire on him but commander stops the shooting

soldfier sez he told commander to get reinforcements but commander HAD to listen to kirk and now they';re f'd!

kirk goes to ex naked chicks place and tells her he needs to find the gold to catch the guys and end the war and she belienves him

he goes there and finds the mathao and and homie planing to get gold and he thrtows them the item mathao had pulled off him from the fight

kirk tells em hes taking em to bro evewn if they are burned alive (f--kin what?!)

they puty off the dino might and as they flee, naked chuick wioth clothes shanks 1 of em

kirek brings in the body and the survivor to grey tolfs bro tiger of the wind and sez its mathao who iced grey wolf

kirk sez he found mathao at the gold mine and chick told him so bro is gonna end her even though shes his daughter

mathao is shot with a flaming arrow and bites it and ro wants tio fight but kirk tells em the Amercians will end him

also bros grandson is his kid even though krik is older than the bro

kinda like pan being older than bra but her dad and grandpa are younger than bras rents in dbgt

so the indians leave and peace is restored

the end

That was pretty good

nice color and style

good acting and writing

a bit edgier and darker, but still clean

good story and twists

Sorta like Robotech with the guy caiught between 2 sides

its well done and has some good stuff to it

oh and it has good flow and pacing

it dont drag and goes by well without having much happen

nowadays everything goes at light speed and everything happens at once

For The Indian Fighter 22, I want it to be 20 years later and the americans and indians are at peace, but the Sasquatch attack from their daenon dimension and the AmericaNS have to team up[ wit the indians as the Americands have the tech and the indians have past knowledge on the sasquatch style. Also its a 128 bit zelda like game on Sega Dreamcast, GameCybe, PS2 and XboX where you play as the kid of kirk douglas and use steam punk tech to fight through 3d levels agaiinst sasquatch areas ND BASES and into their hive where they have their daemonic sasquatch tech from before Noah's Flood

Wednesday, June 15, 2022

The Beast Of Hollow Mountain Review

notew; i spell almosat as accurate as this film

The Beast Of Hollow Mountain

This is my review on The Beast Of Hollow Mountain from the distant fiuture year of 1956 (50 years b4 Transformers season 03 in Amerioca)

its directal by Edward Nassour who did the Sheena, Queen of the Jungle tv show

It stars Guy Madison from Bullwhip, Patricia Medina from Mr. Arkadin, Carlos Rivas from The Black Scorpion and They Saved Hitler's Brain, Mario Navarro from the black scorpion and the american Magfinicent 7, and a byncha mexicans from like the 1800s i never heard of

i never saw this or the mst3k thing, but its only like 80 mins, so its gonna add 430 mins of adds on comet

SO IT STARTS IN A WIDESCREEN CREDIYTTS BUT A RECTANGLE AROUND IT OF BLAck bars as theyt wanted it to be cr-=ppy a55 widescreen instead of getting the whjople image

WEN GET CREDUITS TO 50s danger music and itrrs in color

then these cowbows go through this dry forest and wasteland as a nartrator sez are near ahollow mountainb and dangerous swamp with a strange animal from the dawn of creation around

eventually they find cow trax in all directions and split up as theyt dont know its a horror movie

eventually 1 guy steps in quicksand or a swampo or w/e and uses a rope on a rock, but the rope comes off and a guy saves him withhis roppe

they find a cow in the mush up[ to its beck i mean neck, but they think its the areas curse or russlers whho left it there to make em not look

then theres this town and people  just doing sh-t like a drunk guy talkking to a kid and going home

then kids throw firecrackers as the drink is on his horse and it goes nuts and he falls on his a55

nowadays these kids would use lasers on pplanes coming in

they otta be b0ned dead

so main guy helped him somehow, i think stopping ther horses, and itsa mexico chick is gay for him and hes gonna sdee her dad

so after a walk, he gets to him and they getta long  and tye tells dad about only finding 1 cow and the rest might be jecked

this probably baD mexican comes by as they talk about the ddrought shrinking the swamp and he tells the masin guy to "go back where you came from" as he's Ameerican

if it wwas reversed, they'd call it "racisdt" but its ok to hate Americans in the media

dad sticks up fir main guy and later main guy wakles up and no ones around

oh no, its the Rapture! And he duidnt repent!

1 guy is there and finds the workers quit as they fear the area

drinbk guy is milking a cow and hjs grandkid or w/e is there =, wait, thats his dad? but he's like 600 years over him!

drunk sez he'd  never have another drink, like george w bush getting off booze for decades

later this chick rides in saying the maid guy stole workers, i think the druiink and kid, but drunk sez he asked for the job anbd he needs them as no one else works for humn

cghucjk sez drunk can stayt bvut kid has tio go but kid sez he has to stay to keep drunk on the wagon

chick goos oof and sez sorry for her accusations agaiunst main guy and tthey talk with romantic string music

but whhen she gets back doiwn the hill, her horsew is goine and he gives her a riude back to town

bad guy seez main guy with chick and goes up anbd fights him but gets beat out

he tries to pull a gun but main guy draws 1st and then thery fight more

punch him in the ding d0ng

bad guy gets a stick but is beat on and they slug each other more like kenshiro vvs raoh in hokuto no ken

btw, a human bad guy and monstrer attacking isd like robotech II the sentnels with Edwarsd and the Invid

after winning the fuight, main guy gets a lertter about his cattle thiung beuing accepted and they will pay what he asks

looking upo wikipedea, i findf drunk told chicvk the workers were bribed toi leave by a mysterious guy

so later main guy is told off for fighting in a peraceful town and its rvewaled bad guy wants to buy main guys ranch b4 the cattle ships and bad guy has a lot of mexico power

bad guy talks with chick about hoiw jealoius he was of seeing her with an American as he's racist i guess

so lateerthe drunk and guysa look forcattle and main guy tells him not to go in as he might get lost

later chickk sees main guy and sez she hopes they can stay friends

bad guy dont like it and later tellls main guy he got workers that are paid better or sometyhing

just looked up weikipera and it sez the guys bad guy talked about are bad guys agents jhe sent in to sabotage msain guys thing under the cover of working for main guy

later main guy gets a letter i cant read as its in handwriting anbd only on screen for a sec and he gets kid off this horse

drunk tells kid to call main guy if hes not back by the time the shadow on this thing goes somewhere and kid dont want him to go look for the lost cows

so main guy goes to a graveyaRD and meets chick who sent him the note to meet him there

he thoughtg it might be a trick and she asks him to sell the ranch to bad guy and i think shes gonna marrty him so bad guy dont kill main guy and main guy goes off on his horses a55

in the jungle or w/e, drink fights something and shoots at it but the cr-ppy a55 antenna tv keeps queering out

kid tells them of drunbk going to the swamp and mainguy goes to see him and cant find him

oh and according to wiekdpoa the main guy was gonna sell the ranch to another mexican

oh and the film is fullscreen now as they fixed the black bars

so other mexican sez drunk isnt comming back, until he finds tyhe lost cattle, like its the sdaban dub

ur brother may have gotten away, but you wont!

so later main guy worried about kid looking for drunk and tells dad that hes going soon and dad will miss him

main guy comforts kidf who's mad he's not allowed to look for his dad, which is like saying "you wont let me jump into the volvcanio to save him"

the signal f'd out as its gonna rain soon and the antella is sh-t

when the feed gets baclk ,aiom guy is going and theres a festival but i read on wikiepea that other mexico is gonna ice bad guy

bad guy is gonna start a stampede as the cattle go by shooting around whem and he wants to have the shipment dont with his cattle

oh and theres a wedding in a 2 hours soon

so the mexicoes celebrate with fireworks and dancing and if this were today, they;d be dressed like dbz chicks and the girtls would show off their thicc heavy butts

so the feed f';d out and wikipdeoa dsez chick is having 2nd thoughts oabout the weeding and kid wants to go off to fiind his dad

oh and main guy sez bye to chick and shes bummed

so then this stop motion dinosdaur comes in and eats a cow and its feet walking in was a guy in different colored plastic rubber latex feet

the cows stampede from fear of this terrible thunder lizard and this is b4 bad guy can do his plan and main guy and other mexican race to stiop em

at the town, kid is bummed as in a scerne i forggot to mention the chick said his drunk dad bit it

ok wtf trhe movie just rewound and niow its back when main guy told dad hes going

i guiess they had to fill 2 hours with an 80 min movie

so tjhe cows get to the village and the people flee like its godzilla and run as trhe bulls chase em like spain underr the glden rule of Franco who foought the commies and feminazies

1 of bad guys goons sez he told bad guy the stampede was a bad idea and dad hears

so kid goes around the swampo looking for his dad and we get the p;astic feet following him and he sees it

kid goes in the swamp and the dino stempos in, but backs off

kid ruins home and dino follows and chick and kid ruun and hide inside as it walks around

it busts in the wood house ands main guy sees annd chick poskes at it with a sztick that reaches the ceiling

it bites the stick and main guyt fires on it and runs and blows a blood hole inits face

chick and kid run and maiin guy heads to the hills as dino follows

he hides  in a crevaSS And sneaks around as bad  guy comes by with a gun on a horse

main guy wairns him but he dont listen and falls off the horses a55 and runs and jumps in thev water

chick and kid come by with horses and he takes one and tells get to get to towbn as he goes to save bad gy

he gets him on da horse and they get to a cliff anbd they slide down it on horse but horse falls

btw good use of not showing the wounded side if the face so they dont gotta keeo drawing it

the monster slides down the slope and main and bag guys hide in a cave as it reaching in

they shank it but it grabs bad guy and i thoink iced him

the townsfolk come by and fire on it and it goes backa  guy gets  msin guyt and rides him bacvk and main guy purt bad guys body in the cavce

he has a roppe and fgoes into the swamp  and lassoos a tree and hangs from it

then throws a knife in the creatures face as it comes fior hiom, he climbs uop the rope and swings back and forth, tio get it to reach for him

it eventually falls in and sinks back to h e double soviet california

dont worry, hes gonna be ok, he found an undergroiund river and was flushed back to his hollow eartth home

the end

that was pretty good

you dont see the monster until the end, klinmda like jawes or spider man 03 bit for its tione its not bad

they did a nice job on the effects, esp as it had color, unliker king kong, so its more work matching

nice story and characters

its a normaL WESTERN AND  had the dunosaur come out at the end

good action, esp in how he beat it

i liked it and think its pretty good

plus there ARE stories on the hollowe earthe and cryptids seen near em, so this has some facts

although the dino was jusrt looki g for a meal and not evil, and these guys attacked it

for The Beast Of Hollow Mountain 2 I want the bad guy from b4 to be alive but crippled by his injuries and he goes to the hollow earth inside the area to find a race of kangaroo people inside who rebuild him withtheir evil tech, but in exchange, he must serve them, then goes outr and attacks the ranch witrh his syber implants like a jet pack and lazers, but runs outta juice and has to return, and main guy has to beat him with traps he plans after surviving the 1st round. Also its a 16 bit game on sega genesis, snes, tgh16, atari jaguar and gba where you plaYU AS main ghuy from the 1st movie and plan traps, then lead the bad guy to em while avbopiding his attacks.

Tuesday, June 14, 2022

Bullwhip Review

 Note: I spell like thart BatmAN  Beyond guy after the dr tortrured him with a power drill


This is myt revuew on bull whip from the distant future year of 1958(40 years after i meabn before brisbane got f';d up in the Global Civil War in Robotech)

it stars the mondo cool Rhonda Fleming from Abilene Town/A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur's Court/Cry Danger, James Griffith from How the West Was Won/The 60s Batman, Don Beddoe from Texas Acrosss The River/The 50s A Star Is Born/ The Band Wagon/River of No Return/Cyrano de Bergerac, Hank Worden from Beyond Tomorrow/Duel in the Sun/One-Eyed Jacks, and some 1900s guys who many lived into the 90s or later i never saw of

i never saw this but its director by Harmon Jones who did nothing i saw

so it starts wiuth a song and a wagon convoy and its in f--kking widescreen, but color, and i spell without the erxtra u's

then we see some indians, then elsewhere this chick narraters over her life of hunting buffalo

as the gov wanted te indians to be depwendant on them so it wioped ourt their food source

so this chick is not welcome in the mans world and she sounds like a feminazio  about whining about love being "slavewry"

im sure the slaves in this era wouild agree, NOT

So shes gotta marry a guy whos gonna get the chair, and then we see the guy and hers in jail and gives a note to a guy to give to someone looking 4 him

this mmonopoly guy tells this preobasbly main guy that cuz he iced a guy hes gonna hang, but if he marries this chick, he gets the decision reversed as its reallly self defence

also this is abilene and the chick needs a man ort she loses her estate, and monopoly guy fixed the trial to help her

if he signs this blank thin that will be filled in later, they can be married anmdditch this canndy a55 town

he consents, but its not really fully consented, and molopoly guy sez chivk dont know about his scheme

this is a bit like Dynamite from 1929 from Cecil B DeMille with a  guy gonna be executed marrying a rtich chick

wait, itsa fullscreen and as main guy goes to his cell, chicvk comes in and has bright red haiir and blue eyes and has a face kinda like Viva La VALERIE

they marry using 1st names only and sign the thing and she smooches his cheek and sez she and her kids will pray for her

he smooches her mouth with huis mouth and she good oot as he is locked back up

this indian guy guiddes her out aND SHE GOOS OOF in a cart and main guy sez to forget the note and hes gonna stay around town

but the sherrif sez to get going and theres a cart for him

main guys homie comes by and dont think main guy is a killer

main guy isnt aLLOWED HIS GUN AND AS HE LEAVES GUYS TRY TO Jf k him and sherrif get it

later chick talks with mono guy about how he rigged the whole thing for her and she wants him let free even though mono guy wanted him iced for it

she feels for him and tells mono to keep it low and leaves

mono guy meets the sniper who wants the release paper of main guy as if it gets out he'sd f;d

also he paid sniper to pick off main guy  and will paAY HIM more to end him

the shewrif got it b4 sniper could get the paper and i think masin guys homie helped

so main guy and homie race off on a horses a55 and getta way, then main guy sez he got married

he don;'t know whjo he married and then some guys on horses come iin, catch emm and take emwith em

they aint the law or the order or the svu andvbring em to this home  thaats fancy and has a suit guy who has a company

suit knows everything that happened to him and tells him about the chick who lived with the shai anne maiun guy married

she actually dont have 2 kids and is a half indian half irish who  is an indian princess who wasnt marrried b4

her dad made buffalo hude money and had to wwed to keep her dads inheritance and now maiin guy can take in the business

suit guy wants tio help him so he can get safe passage through the indian turf and he wiill meet main guy in sheridan at a hotel

suit gives main guy a gun friom the gun room as its 1`800s america and ultra manly like andrew jackson or john wilkes booth

after main guy leaves, suit guy whos a fur trader, sends the  sniper after maiin guy to keep him alive and tail him like in Beverly Hill Ninja with Robin Shou

he sez if sniper keeps main guy alive, he'd pay 5000$, the same as the monopoly guy paid snipewr

elsewhere chicjk is on a trail and using a Whip for NON sm things as the wagoins continue, their journey to the west

1 guy asks the indian whats bugging chick aftetr leaving abiline and indiasn sez to ask her

she berried her dad in abiline and is bummed about him  getting it, but she tells indian she bought his fredom but was tricked

She drives the wagons onward and elsewhere, main guy and homie are cooking and sniper comes by and makes nice to him buit is known to be an allerged horse theif

homie doint triudst him but main guy does and sez hes looking for work in an area that mai guy has connectuons in

Soo then chick comes by a pack of indians on horses in war paint and use ninja hand signsa to communicate

chick comes by a geezer chick who needs help and she syternly gives her a fwew horses and men to take her back to abiline

main guy comes byand says as hes the husband, he gets a stake in the company, buyt she dont like taking orders so she whips him and tells him to gtfo

he catches the 2nd whip and pulls her off her horses a55 and sez now the cokmpany will help the geezer

later its night and the employees warn him about his womAn and he goes in to sleep in the same area as her

she dont like it as he takes off his shirt and boots and the employees laugh

they dont b0ne and he fakes being asleep and pins her under his left arm offereing

the next day she gets up and tellls the crew shes still the boss and gets bossy but not b--chy like they do nowadays

then fires a guy for joking, but main guy sez, you'll be paid for my orders

chick sends her indian to fight main guy as we havenmt had a fist fight yet

they roll around foir a biut and indsiasn tries tio bust his head on the wagon, then they reoll more b4 a grapple , but main guy breaks out and beats his a55

the guys cheer and celebrate and raise main guy up after he won the bet battle

they go on and chicvk is like a feminazi thinking marriage will make her a slave

so shes gonna have her indian homies back her up and she goes to a mereting dressed like them and tells her indian not to telll of her marrige

thats kinmda omitting an important detail

so they hit the pipe and indian telll she has a husband and they wanna see him

the chirfs say they''ll talk wiuth the men and she can go back, which triggers her

she goes back to her cart and takes off her milky white robes and we see her back skin and theres no bra!

chick writes a legter to some guy saying she has a fugetive with her and to be ready when she comes to sheridan

he didn't really do anything wrong to her and she's gonna haVE HIM ICED for going against her?

what a feminazi!

so she fakes being nice to him and being sorry and sez she'd be a normal woman now instead of a trail boss

he talks of how the indian or the other guiy told of hert growing up and she gives him a letter saying good things that things are good and she wants to send it

she gets indian to deliver a letter ahead of them and prepare the area for main guys arrival

they kiss a bit and he goes off and she's p-ssed for some reason

maioin guy talks to snjkper who is glad he didnt deal with love and later they go on

they stop and they are days from shreidan but not kelly shreidan from escaflowne and inuyasha and  main guy talks with sniper about stuff

chick wonders if hes gonna come to her party and  her homie who was there when she grew up and wait, its main guys homie

hew sez main guy has a lteer from fthe monopoly guy judge letting him free and its always on him and she plans something as she has forgot about it

the next day we wakes up on the field andgoos in too see her b4 going out to the creek to bathe

she goes to see his man thing as he jumps in the river and she tries to steal gusa leter of freedom, but snipewr sees

she hides it in her make up box in heer waGON and  sniper peeks inside and sees

after she goes, sniper goes in and gets it and the trtailer convoy goes on

main guy and homie are gonna GO TO HER PARTY AND at the chicks place, suit guy comes and asksto team up, wait, he dont, he sezhe dont gotta as her husband might influence it in his favor

he reveals he arranged for main guy to get to her and whebn the door knocks, she comes up stairs to come down again in her low cut bright blue dress

its main guy ands homies and she givbes him the surprise; the sherrif who's here to bring him to abiline fort the hanging

he reaches for the letter but its not there and homie comes in with a gun and saves main guy

they run and indian reeveals he knew andf couldnt let her have main guy iced

honorable like a SAMURAI

as he likes buffalo, he can ber yagyuu jyuubei

chick stortms out as indian comes in and sez theres no party now

main guy is gonna go back and chick changes clothes again and is now in virgin white

he operns thre door amd sees her in bed andasks where she put the paper and she wont tell so he searxches her room

main guy looks like joxer fropm xena and he opens the make up box and she freaks out

he looks in where she put it but its gone and shes suirpriosed too and feels bad as she didnt really wanna huret him and is gay for him

imaguine if he was diabeticc and she hid =his insuliun; same thing

so then main guy is in the woods and is gonna head to Texas to escape soviet uniuon vs americican confederate and tells sniper

so in her place, indian yagyuu jyuuibei gives her food and sez mIN GUYS GONE

sniper tells main guy he gave the freedom paper to suut guy for 10 000$ and suit will use itto get chick to consent to business to save main guy

main guy goes baCK TO SUIT BUT chick sighned sometjhing, so main guy gcerumplews it as hes the master of the house, kepper of trhe in, watcher and practicioner of every sin, master of the house, children of the corn, watcher and producer of the naecro p0rne

he takes back rthe paper as its hjis and fights suit guy who pulls a knife on him

they fight through this house that looks like it should be in a silent film, and the place gets f;'d

main guy winsand smooches his wo man and indian sees and closes the door and stands guard as rthewy p[robably b0ne with suit guy beat out and probably bleeding intrernally

the end

That was well done

good color and effects

good acting and filming

nice story and characvter developments

the writing is good and the femninists evolves intio a normal woman after meeting a good man

its only 80 mins but on tv they add 40 mins of adds, then cut the credits

i liked this one, its pretty cool, and Rhonda Fleming was likable in it

For Bullwhip 2 i want it to be about the guy who tried to have main guy iced being on the riun and he wanders into the cursed lands the indsians fear tyo go, while there, he finds a passage into the hollow earth and sees dinosaurs and daemons and the movie is his survival story of growing stronger in this la blue girl/urotsukidoji style daemon world. its also a 16 bit game like nightmare circus on genesis, but better and on Sega Genesis, Snes, TG16, Atari Jaguar and GBA where you play as the guy going through several chapters in this place and fighting monsters and making tools and eating them anmdtraining to gewt an epgrade every chapter.

Monday, June 13, 2022

Faust Review

 Note: I spell bad but not due to wicked pacts


This is my review on Faust from 1926(80 years b4 Transformers season 3 in America)

Its directed by F W Murnau who did Nosferatu, Sunrise: A Song of Two Humans, and, weaiot, i 0nly saw these by him? I thouyght it was more

it got hate from audiences but went on to be seen as a great film later, kinda like the 80s Transformers Movie

it stars Emil Jannings from Waxworks, William Dieterlefrom Waxworks/A Midsummer Night's Dream/the 30s The Hunchback of Notre Dame/Duel in the Sun, Hanna Ralph from Die Nibelungen,  and some 1800s guys i never saw in other things

this movie i have seen b4 and liked and it inspired that Fantasia thing withj the daemon on the mountain over the town

Also this is based on the true story of Faust who had another guy in Europe with a similar storyt: Pan Twardowski froim Poland

So after title and credits we get text saying the gates of h-ll open and guys escape to affect the earth

Sorta like in DBGT

we see these daemons on horsegoinfg through smoke and a Light comes up and erases em, only to show a big daemon

oh its the 4 horsemen and the light is an Angelwho confronts the daemon

the daemon sez the earth belongs to him and the angel says man is good and shows this geezer saying how things are natually good aND ITS MANS FREEDOM TOI CXHOOSE GOOD OR BAD

THE GEEZER is faust who sez good but isdd said to try to turn metal into gold

we see his al;chemy and its pretty cool

so the dawemon makes a bet he can get fausts soul, then he gets da urth and The Angel accepts with Faith in Mankind

then theres a thing of people in da village having fun in castlevabnnias era ways amnd the daemon looms over the town with big a55 wings and covers the sun

he blasts themn with plasgue and they start rotting and freaking out as the smoke f's thgwee area

its like in The North Star where the happy uykraines were free and joyus until the evil germans attacked

so the plague f'd out half the town and Faust prayed to The Lord for help

he reads The Bible about the 10 plagues and a girl comesto him for help woith her sick mom

faust goves thr mom a drink f fluid he made but she bites it

The townsfolk try repentying to escape the plague, which is a good idera, AS EVEn if it dont save ur body, the Soul will go to Heaven

1 preecher sees the daemon aover the town and bites it and the peoplew spazz out

The people call out to Faust to save em and he sez he cant, then goes home and burns his books outta anger

thats item abuse! books are out friends! its like beATIUNG UR WIFE/KIFDS/dog when ur boss b0nes you woc; woith out consent

he sees a book with a Cross and it says therv Lord is good and faust cant take it and burnds it

but the vbook opebns in the fire and the pages turn saying how to control daemons and summonm em to get world powerrs by goping to a crossroads and calling 3x

faust does and does a little ritual wit a book and spinning and sh-t and this fire circ;le around him blasts rings of fire up liker in metropoilis and he summonms a daemon

btw, why did the good Chriostian Faust have a book about summoning daemons?!

so faust runs around and keeps bumping into him and goes home and hes there

he holds a paper as words burn into it foreming a contract of renouncing The Lord for worldly poweer

FGust tell him to gtfo buit looksd out and sees the plage guys aND agrees to to try the pact for 1 day and after he can do it or cancel it

like witrh bspider man having that pact for aunt may?

so for 1 day he gets the daemon as his servant, which is likre chin na being our producer of cr-ppy electronics and thus we become de\pendant on em and vcan't fuinction w/o em and now they have power

he signsaa in blood which is never a good sign and heals the people likr hes Rasputin or something

1 girl holds a cross and faust can't touch her as its Holy and Fausts powewrs are unHoly and he backs off

the people see hes into daemon worship and throw rocks at him like when a mus lim countyry finds out a guiy went queer

he runms inside and they throw r\\ocks throyugh his window and he attempts suicide wqith poison butrr the daemon stops him as the day isnt pout ywt

also suicide is a sin so he'd gop yto h e douyble soviet canada

the daemon tempts him with a blonde chick, wait, its him younmg, and offers him a chance to live free and wild like Errol flynn or ChaRLIE sHEEN

he thinks he wasted his life buy not being a 5kank and the daenon put a blanket over faust,growesa big and torches the place, b4 taking ofd the blanket and faUSRT IS TYOUNG AGAIN AND IOLD FOUST IS IN HIS AMULET

THEN THE DAEMON CLONES HIMSELF AND THE humanopid one vanishes b4 the clone offers faustt an image of some blonde who young faust wants

daemon brings fauist to her by riding on his cloak like a magic carpet and we get a good flight scene and overhead shots of the town ansd the ground

sortas like in the Bible how Jesus was shown the world in an offer for it to worship webil

then its the wedding feast of the dutchess opf parma, THE HOTTEST CHICJK IN ITALY

buit uitaly didnt exist in fausts time

so faust ciome in wirth elephants like ita aladdin and the daemon sez hes breinging treasures from faUSTS KINGFDOM

man,m i new disney was into daemon worshgip, but referrencing Faust in a kids movie as the good guy?

its like true blood making vampires lopok oppressed

so the daemon affectts ther dutchess or something and she makes out with faustand go off to b0ne as the daemon used a gaijin to hold a bright light and make the guests shield their eyes

the dutchesses butt buddy shanks the daewmon and he gets up nd shanks the butt buddy

so faust goes to b0ne the chick but the dsaewwmon sez the free triakl period is over and you gotta buy it or return to the past self

faust accepts the black pact and goes tio b0ne the chick

later the daemon sez Faust tasted ALL lifes PLEASURES, whuch i think includes indecent things, but has gotten bored wiuth it

the daemon offers him the emperors crown but he wants to go home and is taken there and its a feasyt day of Holy Easter

the toiwn is going well and fause meets a nice girl but the daemon sez shes innocent and not for faust

btw, the daemon causing damage and offering rescue in exchange for ur soulk is like the gov making problems and coercing you to get devolved to have rights back

So Faust follows her and goes to this church but the daemon hates the Worphip words and freaks out ar a Cross, like hgow atheists get triggered by Christian messages and images

so after church he ttries to follow her but the daemon offers him 5kanks, but he dont ant em as he probably already has mouth, butt anbd crotch cancer

good chick comes hme and her brother is there and shes happy but the daemon wants to brinbg a golden necklace in the house to affect em with daemon power

while inside and planting the item, he is offended by a Christian Statue like french canadians and Religious Imsages, but this  time its the Good ones

chick tries something on and bro jokles about her having lopvers and she goes off and sees faust outside her window

faustr runs off aND SHE SEES THE GOLDEN NECKJLACE and her mom comes in

shge hides it and mom knows shes hindig something, but trusts jher to do rught

eventually she tries tthe necklace and asks mom to see her auunt

also brother is givenm a love potion by somew chivk who comes ointo him and he pays hera few coins for it

cheivck sees the potion lady and i think thsat wadsnt her bro and its her aUNT AND SHE SHOWS THE NECKLACE

aunt triues it out and then chick does as the kids outside dance and sding

faust and daemon come by and daemon gives aunty a necklanxce saying its friom her cousin and  puts it on AND FEELS HER B00BS

chick makes flower crown for the kids and after they run off, faust coimes by

shes gonna run but he grabs her and the kids form a ring around em to make em sweethearts

after thart, chick runs off and faust follows and the daemon is having a drink with aunt but sez its too hot for him

i hears in 1 dub, he turns it down foir having alcohol in it as Prohibition was in effect

so he makes a drink and spits in it with a fire burst, then goes off to see faust and the girkl as aunt druinks it and suffers

her b00bs fall off, her hair falls out, her womb falls out, and she grows a beard and gets realkly hairy pits as sghe devolves into a man

jk rreally sshe gets lusty and tries to b0ne the daemon, but i guess he's not into chicks and runs

then what was with the feeling her b00bs?

so she goes out and sees faust chasing chick and daemon sez faust is of bnioble blood, which i assume means he's reaklly inbred

he catches chivk and thety smooch and aunt hugs the daemon who runs off

chiuck dont seem to consent but does eventusally unmtiol the daemon scares her off and faust chases

she gets some flower and plays the he loves me/not game

faiuszt ciomes by and sez he loves her anmdf thety get along as daewmon evasdes the aunt AND PLAYTS THE SHE LOVES ME/NOT GAME WITH FLOWERS

aunt sez she lovbes hium and faunt kisses chick's hand with his mouyth that probably sucked things, and sez he loves her

they kiss and she runs off through the german expressionist area

later its night and the faust and dawemon go to chicvk plsace as dasemon sez he'd andle her brother

faust opens her window and shes there daemon tells brother and his droogs that chick isnt pure anbd if he  hurry's he can catcgh her and her butt buddy

as faUST MAKES ouyrtt with chivck, daemon makes the wind blow and doors open and mom cautches chick in bed with faust and bites it

brother comes by and has a beuybattle withfaust, but its wuith swords instead of beyblades

as they figfht, daemon shanks brother from berhind and he eventually bites it

daewmon tells faust that faust murdered him and has to skip town, then calls out to the town MURDER

faust books it but the town gathers and rother isn't dead dead and sez its chicks bf who iced him and sez to take chick to the stocks

so after brothers service, chick is chasinted in the town SQUARE in shame and after being released, returns home and is sad from her fam being iced

then its snbowing and chick had a baby with faust and is in the snow wandering the frozen wastelands

she begs for help for her kid, bujt as she was shamed in the stocks, the town wont help them

kinda like how they say if the dad is evil, the unborn kids should be iced

by that logic, as joe kennedy was evil, the guy on the grassy knoll was a hero for ending his lusty son

exzcewpt here, the kid actually IS innocent!

So sjhe sees a crib and puts the kid in it, but its really a snow bank and the kid freezes

wasnt something like this in Men Behind The Sun?

the cops think she iced her kid, literally, and ahe calls to faust for help

btw thge daewmon here looks a bit like the headmaster in kekko kamen

is thart where Go Nagai got it??

So shes gonna be burned ast the stake and faust wants the daemon to save her or the pact is broken

In jail she recalls the good times with Faust and is taken to the stake to be coiooked and propbably eaten later as this IS europe

Faust is on the cliff nearby and regrets his wishes with the daemon

btw wishjing to be younger and falling in love wuith someone that aghe is used in Dragon Ball Super with the Pilaf homies and kid Trinks

the faust runs dowbn and the daem,on has geezer faust in his amulet

as fayst gets near, the daemon breaks it and faust is back to normal

hw asks to be forgivebn his sin and she's burned at the stake

faust goes to her and she recognizes him, as shown as him turning young, and they kiss and cpook together

their souls go all glowing white sphere and the Angelk sez the daemon lost as faust had Love and it freed Faust from guilt

The End

That was quite good

nice effects, good acting, well doner story asnd good satyle

It holds up well and has a good feel to it

its influence was felt even to this day and it has a good message ABOUT how the world is not worth your soul

glad I rewatched this, its quite well made and Murnau has done it again

Also; shouldnm't daust meet his kid in heaven?

For Faust 2 I want the daemon to go double or nothing with The Angel over if he can corrupt another guy, this one is a royal monarch of some candya55 country that he gets to think the bad guys are being oppressed and the good guys are the oppressors, so the ruler starts giving the bad guys more rights andf protections, then punishing the good guys for disagreeing with the degenerates, eventually the over 90% of the people who are Normal have enough and have an uprising as they're sick of his filth and overthrowthe deviAnt rul;er, but in the end, he does NOT see the error of his ways and is eaten alive by the people who he wronged, but because the ruler was already evil, and hAD been corrupted by his devolved dad teaching him wrong and selling him to his devient buddies at his lust parties, Also its an 8 bit srpg where you pay as the rewsistance fighting against the lusty leader asan 8 bit Srph like Shining Force on Sega Master System, Game Gear, Nes, Gameboy, TG16, Atarei 7800 and Lynx where you go on a grid and fight the really purvurted followers of the leader and those who chose to follow him after being tricked into thinking evil is good

Friday, June 10, 2022

Joe Dakota Review

Note: I spell like Joe Dement

Joe Dakota

This is mein review on Joe Dakota from the distant future year of 1957 (55 years before the world ended from the mayan holocost)

its directed by Richard Bartlett who diod nothing i saw b4

it stars Luana Patten from Song of the South, Charles McGraw from T Men/It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World/The Birds/Tell Them Willie Boy Is Here/In Cold Blood/Spartacus, Claude Akins from From Here to Eternity/The Twilight Zone /Eerie Indiana, Lee Van Cleef from Escape From New York/The Good, the Bad and the Ugly/How the West Was Won/The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance, Anthony Caruso from Blackbeard the Pirate, Paul Birch from the 50s WAR of the Worlds/Rebel Without a Cause/Day The World Ended/Queen Of Outer Space/ The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance/It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World, George Dunn from Inherit the Wind/The Beguiled/The Andy Griffith Show, Gregg Barton from the 40s 3 muskweteers/The Red Badge of Courage, and other 20s guys ii never saw in anything

i never saw this b4 but theres a 722 film with the dsame name

ooh, its fullscreen and colored

so after logios and credits to soft msuic, we getta cowbow riding in on an a horse to a slum town of shacks and sheds

theres no one outside and everythings closeds like saoviet detroit

maybe the invid got em?

this is how horror mnovies start, ever see the 00s house of wax?

as hes about to go, he sees a yellow dress chick like that nintendo chick who sez everyone else is working

shes kinda b--chy and unfreindly, so i assume shes french or some other kind of devolved

so main guy goes off and sez i'll be back like hes arnold, whuich was from the future in several ways

btw this kovie is only 79 mins so they add like 40 mins of adds to make it a 2 hour filme

he hoos i mean goos oon too private property and guys are digging for il with a pulley system that raises this metal tyhing and drops it to hammer the ground in its earthen a55

after looking aorund the shed and talking to the guys, the property owner sez he cant walk as he pleases as its private property and main guy wants to know who lives in the shed

owner sez no one and he cant hire him as its a small thing and he advises him to not stay in this town

main guy asks how long they were drilling and how long the shed was there, but the ownerr wont say

the workers dump huim in the poil wihch will probalby kill him from poisoning

the make it looks funny and his horse donty recognize him as hes now jet black

the people dont trust him as he goos oof and think hes upo to something and want him ended

so he goes back to the slum toewn and is missing much of the oil and wait, its back now and chick sez if she knew he was going there, shed ahve warned him

sher gets him some cleaning thing and he has oily money and she gets him new clothes

pants medioum, socks large

me; that means he has a big weener!

so he sez hes here to see the old indian man who chcik sez is joe dakota

i wanna take his face, off!

who am i? I'm spouder man!

and death stalker too!

she sez joe dont live therte anymore and locks him out as he wants a bath

then shge'd see his long weener!

later she wakes up and sees him bathing in a trough, whuichj will kill, anything that drinks from it, and she'd see his long man thing

he's singing and is deblacked and she calls to him to get outta there as some guys coming over

we dont take kindly to naked emn round here, this isnt europe!

even though his thing is not in sight, ther women are sent in before their eyes are befouled

the men go up to him and are not pleasded

the guys fight him and he usesd his long man thing as an extra limb and kills them with his big hard ding d0ng

jk they say they otta arrest him and he sez he didnt think they'd be back so soon

they form a circle aroundf him and give him is towel so no one sees his enormous weenee

So he sez the money for the new clothes is out and the chick sold em to him but didnt see his 4 foot b0nert

he hits the plug and the trough dumps the soap and oil water ansd asks if they'll telll where the guy hes looking for it but they dont

so after roaming the wwasteland on his horse like Raoh in Hokuto No Ken, or Kenshiro in Hokuto No Ken 2, he goes to the shed and hgoes in

he lights the lampe and loox around and finds a dagger in a sheath, then leaves

in ther slum toewn, the people talk about how if they did right sending him away and the town used to be kinder and friendlier

1 italiano sez he uised to be friendlier and he told them of the oil on this guys land, i think dakota, and now they gonna be rich

but now they are scared of being found out of doingf wrong and each other and have to shun people

they gotta wait for a bit for something that can come any time and 1 guy wants to get rich as hes a farmer weho hasd to move on often until now

they drink dark tinted water that i think is meant to be booze but it has no fizz and looks like cr-ppy lool aid

so main guy goes to some place and gets something from this storage guy thing or w/e

theres a number of scenes w/o dialogue and where you just ecxperience the setting

its like a silent film, and i likes that

man we're 40 ins in with adds and it feels like nothing

not much happened but it keeps you interersted, kinda like alien 1

so then we get the chick oumping water and humming and filling the trough, which might still have oil in it and pooison the animals

after the exxon valdees spill, mosy of the worker scleaning it up died in a matter of years

so some chicks come by in a cart and chicks mom donty wanna come to the well or talk to mom

main guy returns and chick sez she knew he'd come back even though main guy didttn tell her

but he did say b4 i;;ll be back

he never said how many times

mom turns out to be her sister even though shes like 16 years oldfder than her, and main guy talks to her and goes in and sees all the guys

they are b0ning in a secks pit with hexagrams and swastikas all over and daemon statues around by torch light

jk really its just a bar and main guy asks where joe went

they say he left 2 weeks ago and didn't say where he's going so main guy is gonna stay there a while

owner sez, sure, be friendl;ly and he can staty, but maybe they can let main guy join their club

therse 2 guys in the club offer to play a game to decide who plays for drinks by punching each other off stools and tbney keep beating until 1 wins

what is this? tik tok?! guys beating on each other for fun?

so they wont let him pay for drinks unless he joins the club and main guy agrees as it seems harmless

so he goes up and gets slugged, then the other guy slugs him

then he has his turn and beats em both out with 1 punch each and wins

they he fist fights bothof em and wins as hes the main guy and kicks a55

owner sez hes got no place for him there and he sez he has a piece of land there

they say he dont and he sez he owns joe dakotas land and no one sold it so its his

they say he has a paper of ownership and main guy sez its notm legal and its not the joes mark

to settle this, he sez, get joe, but they say, joes gone, so he sez until someone finds him ro remembers, theres no drilling on the land

so the townsmen wonder if hes telling the truth or faking it and he might have researched to get enuff info on joe to get it

1 guy sez he might be the real deal, but ownewr sez if ur saying he's right, ur saying i;m wrong

owner sez  theres a chance the indian solf him land he didnt own and goes to the county thing

then we see him in the back of the shed with the indian joe dement with his arms and legs skewered on metal poles and sewed into the leather curtains on the wall so he can't get away and he says "you sell me land you dont own?! i'll have your a55!!

jk really owner smooxches sistere and she wants to have the town be better and they are in love and wanna use the oil to improve the town

he sez f main guy really owns the land, he might bre the only one who knows it and smoches her, but she sees his shotgun in his saddle

which makes sense as theres raisweers and wild animals out there

so ownwer goees to theshed by the oil well and has hgis gun out, but main guy has his gun and makes him drop it

owner sez he might have seen maimn guy at another oil place butmaiin guy denies it

main guy sez for owner to go and owneer walks off

as hewalks off, main guyt fires a shot and gets him between the legs and his man parts fall dowm his pants leg

jk really  the susters talk abouit main guy and owner and then at night, auin guy goes and taps a door and the italiabno goes to da doore

he goos in and gets a shave at 1 am and talks as italliwno is kinda not fully awake

he mentions thast owner wanted farmland but then found oil after buyiong the indian land

main guy sez he figures owner forced indian to ewll him te land and italiasno spazzes out and runs

then we see main guy in this place and as he opens the door with his rifle, chick is there and sez sjhe wants to know who he is

she sez hes not joe dakiota and joe sr didnt have a son and she was friends with joe 1

he sez joe borrowed his name andsent him a telegram asking for help and he asks who iced him

she sez everyone hsanged him and now its the ox bow incident

shbe sez they hanged him for trying to b0ne her w o c with out cionsent while drink

she got away and they striung him up and he dont buy it

he thinks they iced him for te land but she sez her dad got the deed to the land 2 weeks b4 the \lynching and he got to live there until he started

he dont buy it and she sez she hates him and b--ches out

btw, nowadays, the indian woiuld be a victium of the Whuites and be falswely accused and would be drunk as a way of coping with it

but back then we could have bad guy who were not White

so later its day and owner asks if chick is ok about the indian attack and she asks if he iced joey for the oil

owner sez she shouldnt even think like that aND DENIES IT BUT SHE SEZ she tallked to main guy over it

he is worried aboiut it and she sez she feels like its her fault dakota got it and she felt he owned it to maiin guy looking fior joey

owner is  her dad i think and sshe is sent in as main guy comes by and leaves a noose on this sign to the town

they think maiin guy is going to joes grave and there he puts a cross on it and riudes off

chick ses therwe only 1 guy joe would ask for hekp, his captain from the aremy or w/e and he could only write his name, joe dakota

they thertorize over if joey tried to b0ne her and or if they iced him ocer the land or oil

he has herrelive her encounter with demon joe and when she went out, someone she didnt see grabbed her and had booze on his breath

after being slugged out, she woke up and joey was there reaching for her and she freaked out

check ger butt for spurm!

she sez the attackers face was rough from niot being shaven andd realizes joey was only trying to help her

another man ruined by false accusatiions

so main guy rides outm, fallsm, gets up, runs back, wait its owenwe aND WAIT, OWNWR AND DAD ARE DIFFERENT GUYS, and ownwr c9omes back and finds the main guy found ouit about it

they say main guy is trying to get em to think about their actions and ownwr sez he only wants the oil welll abnd itys all just a trick

also all their fuutures are invested in the well and sister sez he's trying to help em against the main guy

so chick feels guilt but he sez its not ur fault

then the ground breaks through and oil p-sses from the earths a55

the townsamengo to stop the gusher of ABIOTIC OIL MADE NATYYUALLY BY TRHE HOWLLOW EARTHS and main guy hugs chick and goes outeven though she sez owner might cap him

main guy confronts owner for  framing the joe and sez he wont shoot him in front of witnesses

chick sezshe remembers the guy had whiskers and joe didnt grow a beard as hes indian and they are eviolved beyond it

jk evolution is fake

dad sides woth main guy and owner sez "whats the difference? an indian for an ouil well?

owner aims the gun on the townsmen and fores, which proves imdb WRONG as it sez theres no gunshots

owner has the people block the well and main guy fights owner in the oil as the townsfolk watch instead of blocking it

so main guy beats rthe black offa him and walks on like hes got something jammed in hs a55

ownsr starts a fire on a rag and throws it and it torcges the well

shoiuldnt it go to the core and blow the earth?

waitm, it wwas the italiano whos not the barber i think

so he sez its to return the town to its friendly way

dad sez thety are a god tiwn reALLY AND MAIN GUY SEZ HES COMMING BACK

THEN main guy pouts his gun on the grave, wait, its a naME of joe dakota, and hes like 2 feet taller than her

is she like 12 or something?

the end

tthat was pretty good

nice compact western

good pacing and flow

not boring whill not having much go on

its got a slow burn

sorta like alien 1 or x men 001

its got a good story and twists

good acting and style

it holds up

for Joe Dakkota 2 I want Joe to hear of a similar attack on a girl like the one that happened to the girl in the 1st one and goes off to find it. Also the girl comes along and can sense its the guy who attacked her with her ki. also its a point and click text adventure on Sega Mastyer System and Game Gear, Nes and Game Boy, TG16,m Atari Lynx and 7800 where yuou play as the main guy and the girl spazzing out is the sign you are getting close.

Tuesday, June 7, 2022

Texas Across The River Review

 Note: I spell like a Texas

Texas Across The River

this is mty revioew on texas across the rioiver from the distant fiture year of 1966 (30 years b4 the N64 pooped out with the abominois mario 64)

its dirextesd byt maerk gordon from highway to heaven, i mean michael gordpn wjho diod Cyrano de Bergerac, Pillow Talk, and other things i never saw

Boston Blackie Goes Hollywood?>! like blacula or blackenstein or dr black and mr hyde?

it stars Dean Martin from, you know, i never saw him in anything, but i did see his bootrleg in Bela Lugosi meeta a Brooklyn Gorilla, the openly french Alain Delon from Asterix at the Olympic Games, Peter Graves from airplaiine 1 and 2, the 40sa Angels in the Outfield, The Night of the Hunter, Addams Family Values and Looney Tunes: Back in Action, Michael Ansara from Julius Caesar, The Ten Commandments, The Greatest Story Ever Told, the GOOD Star Trek, the 90s Batman and Batman Beyond, Linden Chiles from shock treatment, Andrew Prine from Chisum, Amityville II and Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman, George D. Wallace from Forbidden Planet, The Night of the Hunter, Minority Report, Bicentennial Man and Multiplicity, Don Beddoe from Cyrano de Bergerac, The Band Wagon, The 50s A Star Is Born and Pillow Talk, Richard Farnsworth from Gunga Din. Gone with the Wind, Red vRiiver, Mighty Joe Young, The Ten Commandments, Spartacus, Duel at Diablo, Blazing Saddles, The Outlaw Josey Wales, The Grey Fox, Little House on the Prairie, the GOOD Anne of Green Gables, and Highway to Heaven, anbd a bunxcha dinks from the 1910s I never heard of

I never saw this b4 but i think it got good reviews

aw gay its widescreen, but its colored 60s style technicxolor

so after logo we get title and credits to paiinting of what i assume happen in da movie, and a song

music by devol, like, delvoilved? its french??

then theres a car chase but its the 1800s so its on horses a55esm,, wait, its just them heading to a wedding

its louisianna and thisd confederate chick is marrying a guy and hes plsaayed by a frenchie in huanface faking being a confederate

so these soldiers come over and cancel the weeding  and i think they're yankees and so is humanface wh is mad at her for kissing other guys and i think he b0nes her wopc; with out consent

wait, its not frenchie in human face and its yancy who claims to be her future husband

tthe yankees carry offhumasnface and the other bf is named yancy, or yan and he dont like her martrying  humanface

humanface escapes and climbs the wall after hearing gf scream  and has a swordfight wuith yancy and his sword keeps btreaking as its probably made in soviert china

after his sword f's out, he uses kicks and is bumped by a guy opening the door and bumps yan out da window

yan goes to h-ll the final friday  aBND THE yankees say iots  murder and as the men with yanmcy are yancys cousins, gf sends humanface to Tewxas to meet her rthere

as she doesnt get how big Texas is and the yankees go after him as he rides on a big black horse

gf hugs yans cousin and on the path off, humanface swapos cxlothes woith a guy, and as hes french, he probably b0nes him

that wwas only 10 mins?!

so later humanface isa wqanted fgor murder and dean is friends with an indian aand keeps being beat out of the calvZry shop

he wants men to fightr commanchi but the us cxaLVARY WONT give em it as Texas isn't pasrt of theunion

a guy wiuth a gun game offers em a cchance for a 20$ turkery if a pplayer shjoots off the feathers of this thing and humanface puts up his hgorswe as collateral to try

dean and indian see him doing well but hes outta ammo aand is gonna lose, but dean offers his gun and he wins and smooches dean as hes froim spain, even though thats a frenchie thing

the yankees come for em, and dean shoots a vbanner on em and escapes

so the yabnkees chase and go around the areavand are sent the wrong way by a guy i mean the dean pretebnduing to be a wagon masn

humanface has a tuerkey and they go through the river on horse a55 and at the night they eat the turkey

cuz his name is balthazar, dean calls him baldy and he invites him to go through commanchi territory and he consents, but then can't as hhes a wanted man

he sez it wasn't that bad and dean sez hes gonna pretend he didnt say it

then comes his indian friend and hmasnface thinks he sqw him b4

they go through comanchi turf as its night and the commanchi think the moon is an evil spirit

which kinda fots as the cresent moon is associoated wuih the d=vil

oh and the ndiaN IS PLSAYED BY OPENLY JEWISH joey bishop who's el polen zakken

so later they go by some cattle and humanface goes to the stream to clean up abnd a big black bull sees him with his red shirt like star trek an comes at him

so he does matadfor cr-pr to handle it, then a swarm of cows come and humanface hiodes

after the cows run through, the commanchi cmer by but are scared off by gunshots or wsomething, and they decide to go through the commanchi graveyard as the comnannchi thinks its haunted

humanface realizes that indian turned him in to the cops as a way of getting him to boduguiasrd them and he slaps him to chal;lenge him to a duel;

dean diont wanna until after he delivers his revolvers or w/e hes doing and humanface tells dean to call him "your grave" so he calls him Grace like the spanish chick from Student Bodies

so then they'ere in this rockly place like power rangers and this shaman is doing a ritual at this chick on a horses a55 and has sanakes come outta a pot

frenchie saves her and falls and is bit by the snake and dean caps the snake

they cut his let and this somehow treats poison in his bloodstream and they gotta suck out ther poison but neither guy wants to

so saved chuick sucks it out, which in the real version was probably bit on his man thing

they see smoke signals thats in comanchi so indian cant read it, but saved chick can annd it seZ of cattle coming  fromn da eaast

shjes from a village caled White Village, which I thinbk means it has Americans in it and dean and indian goo oof

btw sucking out poisoin does nothing as the bloodflow carries it around right after the bite

so dean i mean humanface blacks out dean aand homie go to the cattyle guys to wartn em of the commancheese

later dean maartin sees a blonde shampooing uin A POND And he tells her to hurry up and she dont wanna be seen butt hole naked

shhe finds her clothes were jacked and he gets her a blanket i meabn, cloak and gets in the water to put it on her

this is how p0rn0es start

also i dont think they got shampoo in the 1800s

an comanchi jeckedthe dress and its cheifs son whjo dont like his acts

evil hero necroid shaman follows humanface and saved girl and she starts comming onto him asa he saved her

shaman, who's blonde like the morman intoions, follows but bangs his head on a tree and falls out

so then its night asnd the dean comes onot the bathing chick whos blonde and has his indian friend fake being comanchi to gte her to b0ne him

she recognizes the guy as his friend and slap[s him

if only he could just be hnets and just say: hay jiggle, nice bod, wanna b0ne?

or; yo bimbo! nive butt! what times it open?

so humanbface comes by this place and they thought he'd be dead from all the cr-p the dean told em

he wants to see the girl he wanted to marry but shes not here and he wondwers if theres another Texas

then theres a comanchi sighting and itsDestiny HERO Archfiend Shaman who wants the saved chick

the town wants to sacrificce the saved chick and humanface dont want her ritual sacrificed

but saved chick goes back and he goes after her and they meet ta bucnh of comanchi

the chrifs son goes to fight humanface and its a gunfight on horses, not unline a card gamne on motorcycles

humanface falls off his horce and knocks off the son, then goes to escape with saved chick on his horse

son gets iup and fights him withreally cr-ppy moves and keeps getting bumped into things as he's seeing multiple guys

after matador moves toi get him to jump in a lake, the other comanchi chase and he sends saved chick off and goes to fight and die, but americans come in and scare em oiff

dean comes back and son tries to j fk humanface but hits the dean in the dean a55

dan and indian goes off and humanface is given catttle for his heklp and can start his own land

so later dean and indian chum complain and confederZte gf comes by and indian says dean was arrowed and needs help as theres no dr

she goes to see him and he fam,es being ill and mentally f'd and hugs her

meanwhile, humanface is shown how to tame cattle by saved chick by using fire to drive the longhorns from herd, then on the 4th day, let them drink

they use torches to scare em off an the area is tiunted to look darker and nighter

the cows sense dead water that will ice em uif they drink it so the haumanfascxxe and saved chick stop em by chasing em

chick shows i mean throws the torch in the pond and it catches fire as its oil and then they take em to a real water thing in the day

somehow they are tiame now and the comanchi speak english with doodles as subtitles saying thee White Man is here and gonna bring guns, so they gotta get em out

the other texas guys thank him and realize hes the guy confederate gf is looking for him and saved chick is stuinned he has another gf and she wants to b0ne him and haver his devolved babies

so its been 3 days and dean faking being delirious and when humanface comes in he sees confederate gf and dean in bed and thinks they are b0ning

dean wants confererate gf and sez humanface is b0ning saved chick

when humanface is gionna out the dean for being shot in the a55, the dean slugs him and humanface sez its not the fist of a ill man

they go to duel and this geezaer cvomes in saying Texas in in the union for no and the calvary comes in and they see humanfac who dont wanna run

gf sezto eascape and he does and the unioniters chgase him and the friends say they liked him and will mioss him in h e double claifornia

the dean compforts gf and and saved chick helps the humanface escape

the Texas Jin ask the dean for help and he agrees to impress the gf

so then we see the comanchi having a thing and i thiunk the indian homie is with em

the calvary searches for humanface and saved chicxk but cant find em

at the ranch, the dean wants to give water to the longhorns in 2 days instead of 3, like feeding gremlins after midnight

then the comanchi come for the tiown and the topwn fortified the defences with wagons, like autobot cuty transforming in the transformers movie, or the zone base in transformers zone

indian homie is spazzing out and chiefs son tries to fitre a dflame arrow but his bow snaps

noiwadys, they never have an idnian as the screw up joke character, only Whites get it

so the indians attack and the town opens fire and the dean wants indian hiomie to go out but he dont wanna

indian homie fires and does well and the schoolhouse gets burned and they think the caldvayr will see it

not sonics schoolhouse!

a burning schoolhgouse?! itys the outsiders! johnnys gonna go to h e double mexico!

so the calvary goes around and doing diddley d0ng and humanface sez its been 2 days and she said little

she dont wanna say but goes on in a weird poetuic way about someone not seeing something

evantually she reveals shes gay for him and she reveals that the solfiers are only looking for him and cant see the smoke

to he has to save the village at the cost of his life by leading the soldiers back even if they string him up

so at the town, the americans are running low opn ammo and son accidentally gets the chirlfs headthing on fire

indian homie throws the gun and we replay the scene of the guy falling off a horse

dean sez bye to gf as it looks lime they're f;'d and then the cows gte out and chase off the iocomanchis

humanface runs past the comanchi as the calvary chases him and they dont notice the comanchi

later they are having a trial offscreen for humanface and its pretty biased

saved chick goes to bring humanface a gun in a boh kei and its found

the head yankee figures therss no weay the yancy was iced by a door bumping heim into the guy out the window, but it happens to him and he falls in the trough and they release him

humanface faces dean in a duel and have 10 paces but dean dont wanna do it that way as he dont get it

drean wants to walk out, walk back then draw so humanface dopes so

they fire and the horse gets its ding d0nmg blown off and it flies into the dean martins mouth!

jk really they walk up and then are face to face and they dont weanna shoot each other

they agree to gave dean slap humanface and and he does, then they slap at each other showing how hard they slapped

this just devolved into the 3 stooges

then the saved chick and gf have a CATFIGHT AND THE GUYS PUILL EM APART AND DEAN GETS THE GF AND humanface gets the saved chick

but it was a trick to stop the fight and the guy diigging huumanfaces grave gets gets oil and they wanna givbe the land to the indians

the chif sez"who wants it?" and rides off

thern credits to the song

the end

That was pretty good

Nice fun, good acting and music, nice effects, good jokes, gopod action

Its clever and has some good wit and 

it holds up and has a good feel

glad I saw it

Fo Texas Across The River 2 I want it to be in the Civil War and the gang reunites with their teen kids to fight the unionites attacking Texas by challenging the leader of the troop of each thing to a fist fight and winner wins the battle and loser is enslaVED by them. Also its a 128 bit Fighting Game like Capcom Vs Marvel on Sega DreamCast, GameCube, XboX and PS2 where its up to 4 players where you have a free mode where you choose any player or 2 players and fight to the end, Or a Stoiry Mode where you play as a Premade Dup and swap between em and 1st to be KOed is out. Its doe in hand drawn sprite graphics and has an anime style and the final boss isd abe lincon and ulysses s grant who after beatuing them, fudse into 1 super abominatioin and you gotta take em on. Also it can be 2 platyers fighter 2 others at once and up to 4 players witrh team comboes and the main characters are a guy and girl who are the kids of the couples in the 1st movie